Well, I was quite surprised at the sheer popularity of the first Evil Commentary Bureau Versus Reviewer Without Ethics production; it was quite a hit with all of our readers and indeed culled dozens more into our favorable ranks. Today we answer his lovely complaint about Ranma fanfiction in general...or so you might guess by looking at his 'rant'. As usual for a K'thardin piece, we see him referencing several other of his works just to attempt to give greater validity to his viewpoint. I hope you all have fun with this one, I can assure you I will. As always we allow a single response from the author of the article in question, if sent to the email box of the reviewer: dracos12@hotmail.com. For those of you lovely folks who feel like joining our ever growing ranks of fans, the Evil Commentary Bureau archives can be found at: http://dracos.anifics.com/ Now without further delay, I bring you round two of: "Evil Commentary Bureau versus Reviewer without Ethics" *Start ECB* Ranma: God of all animeverse? ECB: Nice header. Though you should have used an exclaimation point for greater power. I mean, if you are going to rant, you might as well do it with flare! Keep your readers awake while you are shoveling your opinion in their face. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Is it just me or is the amount of Ranma + ? fics increasing at a phenomenal rate? ECB: Brilliant. You mean with time more people are crossing Ranma with more things? And with it being years since the manga ended, that the majority of them are crossover fics? Truly, such clever insights you offer. It must be just you. Oh, I guess I should give a bit of background on this one. ECB: Or you could just let the fact stand for itself. But go on, tear down your own reasonable line of logic. I'm presently looking at the offerings for the past few weeks on the thrice damned FFML. ECB: That's Brilliant. I can feel the honest attempt to analyze the situation here shining bright and clear. Not only are you starting by using a small source that you hate as your sole example, but you are cursing it to show how much you think of it. I guess using other sources like Fanfiction.net or Rakhal Stormwarden's archive would be too much information for you. Let's just use a small source that doesn't represent nearly the entire fandom or even the majority of it anymore as our basis of discussion. And while we are doing that, let's use the Grey Archive to represent all of Tenchi fanficdom. After all, all Tenchi fics originate there don't they? Yeah, I know I've ranted on Ranma and FFML before, but for some reason, here recently, they've been trying to out do themselves with new lows. ECB: Yet you keep reading them despite hating them so much. I guess they provide good vitrol for your rants, but could you at least have the decency to be...funny? We can't have one good rant on them, instead we have to have a review of every rant ever written on Ranma! "Bob, I think everyone has forgotten my other dozen rants, let's recap while bashing the fandom!" "Ingenius K'thardin!" "Process of Elimination - Book 1" recently ended. I did a review on that sad sad fic not too long ago... ECB: Some call it a review. Others, more fair, call it a first impression. Still others, more honest, call it ranting about a straw man version of the fic that has little relation to the actual fic itself. It's pathetic enough that you got facts wrong in your rant the first time. But do you have to quote your mistaken facts after often being corrected in every one of your rants? and if anything it only got worse. ECB: You, who've never finished the fic, have no right to assert such. But then... ECB: "Ethics? Is that some form of cheese?"-K'thardin The author successfully eclipsed EVERY SINGLE GODDAMN ASPECT of the mythos of both Sailor Moon and Tenchi Muyo with Saint Ranma's own importance. ECB: Uh huh. Sure. We already covered this before in the previously submitted 'rantview'. You have your view of the fic and then there are other people who actually read it. One of these is right. Christ, if I had a penny for every girl that automatically turned into putty for Ranma in this fic, I'd have a million dollars. ECB: Your hyperboles make less sense given you never finished the story. Truthfully, being privy to the author's actual planning on this, the author intends to have a grand total of three women fall for him by the end of the series. That doesn't mean at the end of book one either. If I had half a penny for every moment this guy was on screen taking care of something out of one of the other series myths (The Ice for Sailor Moon and Tokimi for Tenchi Muyo... the one Tenchi was likely created to take care of being the biggest examples of this) ECB: Well, given Ranma's on ice and Tenchi and Tokimi aren't... I know I shouldn't bother, but willful ignorance and blind modifying of the story to provide you rant material is pretty pathetic. Your case may be weak and blind, but you could make it without having to pull out strawmen. well... never mind how rich I'd be. ECB: Scene: K'thardin at the homeless center reveals the truth: "One bent half penny." One thing I've noticed about Ranma, is the only girls that fall for him are in the area of psychotic... and REALLY psychotic. ECB: Your perspective on the manga. Others do indeed differ with you and that's represented in their fics. Actually, you could be referring to anime, where this statement has far more to stand upon. Any semi normal girl wouldn't think twice about him (oh dear lord... Ranma was Makoto's sempai? *GAG*). ECB: As you see here folks, while K'thardin took lots of skill ranks in ranting, he took very few in paying attention and absolutely zero skill ranks in reading comprehension. It's bad enough to get this wrong in a single review, but to rehash the mistake in future rants is pretty darn pathetic. ECB: "Yes, if I say it enough people will believe me. I told you I'd do it! WHY DIDN'T YOU BELIEVE ME?!"-K'thardin And here most fucking authors think the universe of women will want him over every single other male in the cosmos. ECB: Most? Where do you get your statistics bub? Most rarely hook him up with one girl, much less two or three in the course of all of their fics ever written. Sure, there are a few of the really pathetic authors or parody authors who have him with everyone but those are either: A)Stupid or B)Not Meant To Be Taken Seriously. Farce, in other words. You do well by selecting the most absurd intentional parody ever written, Life and Times by Donny Cheng as we see down below. Trust me girls, no one's dick is that good, and if it is... you don't want any of that. ECB: Uh huh. Let's combine every Tenchi writer into one individual too while we are at it. After all, we've seen weenie boy do this as well if we combine every tenchi fic out there, including the lemon harem fics that occasionally appear. This would be perfectly fair to Tenchi fanficdom as a whole, wouldn't it? Ranma is NOT a saint. With all due respect the guy has been through some shit that would get his father executed at least 20 times over. The guy is not a 'beautiful heart.' as most of these fics would put out. He's arrogant to the point that I'm surprised that GOD hasn't (then again, some of these fics make Ranma into God... riggghhhttt... the universe is not that badly run) sent something to slap him down. He's good. Real good, but not unbeatable... no one is unbeatable. If they are... then the story goes turns stupid, because it's no longer a story... but that is covered in the Ubermain Rant. ECB: Which you drag out so often it becomes meaningless. Also missing with it that some people rather like imagining themselves in their place. The whole concept of being perfect appeals to people. Therefore if you, like many, don't enjoy this type of fiction, don't read it. Christ folks, a few weeks ago, I read a fic where Ranma did a much older and more mature Chun-Li... CHUN-LI for God's sake. ECB: Your point being? Certainly, I have no doubt that fic stank, did the matchup too swiftly and unbelievably. But that isn't the point. It's one fic. There is indeed the possibility that such could happen. It's about as small as you getting a clue, but I have no doubt someone could write a very good story while retaining such a general plot goal. Of course, this is because I have such a boon as a functioning mind. It was before he got to the Tendo Dojo even. ECB: Rant rant rant. Rant rant rant. Shake your booty! Get down tonight! He knocked her up, was then presented with her kid, and then proceeds to turn into a charming little love story where everything is happy go lucky... oh and Akane outright tried to kill Ranma while holding the new baby. ECB: *Shrugs* You are passing this off like it's a prime example of the fanficdom. I could go find one where Tenchi fucked Sasami when she first arrived and Ayeka and Ryoko trying to kill her. It would be pretty bad in all likelihood, but it would hold as prime an example of what every Tenchi fic is as your example does. ECB: K'thardin: "That's...brilliant! Groveling slave, make a note, let's go after our own fanficdom for the same problems next!" Why don't people write self inserts? It would have about the same effect and be more honest. ECB: If you figure out why they don't, why don't you try and convince them to do so. They'd laugh at you, but still, it would at least be acting upon your beliefs. Oh, here was a good one... the one that really fucking pissed me off. The fic is entitled "Awkward Consequences" Ranma goes to a college party... meets Hotaru (DEAR LORD, NOT HOTARU!!!) ECB: Uh...huh. You do know there is a quite large fan population behind that matchup ever since Kaosqu released his excellent Sound Hearts fic matching the pair up? It's called 'me-too'ism'. It shows up in every public production as others see one person be successful and try to mimic that success while exploring only slightly different concepts. But no, let's ignore the trends behind it, let's just squeal in horror that there is a fanbase for that matchup! also at the college party... they talk, get drunk, and well, do the deed by which Hotaru gets totally knocked up. Actually, that particular little bit could have been made into a decent story... if the author had truly dealt with the consequences of these actions. But no, it's Saint Ranma to the rescue here, which turns into a charming love story between Sailor Saturn and Saint Ranma who barely get to know each other before deciding they love each other and spend the rest of their lives together. Too bad sarcasm doesn't translate well in written text... that last bit was dripping with it. Oh... about Akane. That was dealt with in the manner all such other fics usually are "Well, Akane was turning into a person who just didn't trust me at all, no matter how much I did for her... so I guess I love you instead of her!" Folks, this shit is more prevalent than you could possibly imagine. ECB: Personally, I don't read Psychosama. I didn't think the premise was going to be carried out to it's potential and neither did I feel like bothering to help out on it. Regardless, using a Delphite fic from the most anti-Akane sector of Ranma fanfiction... "Wow, you mean those who hate Akane are bashing her absurdly?" What a news flash. I know, let's finish the logic. Let's pick an anti-Ukyo fic to demonstrate how Ukyo is really a psychopath waiting for her chance to kill Ranma. An anti-Ranma fic to show how he's a spineless wimp who deserves to die. An anti-Genma fic to show that he's a fat sloth who is the worst father in the universe. An anti-Nabiki fic to show how she's a yakuza who will one day own the whole world! We'll just conclude everyone in Ranma are worthless pathetic bastards. Whee, doesn't that sound clever? "Life and Times" by Donny Cheng. I fucking DARE you to read that one. ECB: Done it. Laughed hard. One word for you: "Parody". It's the most famous parody of 'Ranma does the whole universe' out there. It's intentionally absurd beyond belief. Pity you couldn't figure it out. ECB: *Scene: K'thardin watches Monty Python and the Holy Grail: "My god, those IDIOTS! They got it all wrong!" Folks, this is no crossover fanfic, this is Ranma does the anime universe! Sailor Moon, Tenchi Muyo, Ah! Megami Sama! and a few others. I'll quote from the Tench part just to give you an idea: ECB: What is most remarkable is you read this section and weren't able to discern it as a parody. It's almost awe inspiring. Would you prefer that it be in hot pink and occasionally flash out "PARODY" "PARODY". Hum, I know, maybe I'm missing the point of your rant! I see, you are intentionally being so overblown and off base in order to parody...yourself? ECB: K'thardin: "Drat it, they figured us out! Now we have to go back to doing serious rants." Her sister was going to be taking all of Tenchi's time for the next little while. Maybe a little distraction would make the time go faster. She then motioned to one of her personal guards. "I want you to put a warrant for the arrest of the earthling Saotome Ranma." Her guard tried his best to not give an exasperated sigh. "What's the charge this time your highness?" "Indecent exposure in front of royalty." "Do we have any proof." No, but I will when you bring him to my quarters, Tsunami thought wickedly to herself. ECB:"If I were to transform every atom in the entire universe into a pixel that could flash in any color, then assemble them into the largest monitor ever concieved by man, that STILL would not be large enough for the :rolleyes: I need to respond to this post."-Forum Newbie ECB: "Point == Missed you!" Want more? Here, have a fucking bit from Sailor Ubbermoon: "Now, I understand." Chibi-Usa smirked as she remembered something. "So whose turn is it to get uncle Ranma now." Being immortal meant for a very lonely life. Her mother had her father for companionship. Michiru had Haruka. Everyone else had to keep each other company. Ranma was the only immortal male on earth, other than her father. So naturally each of the senshi wanted him. Her mother had decreed that each girl had to take turns living with Ranma for a month at a time. "It's my turn I'm afraid. Now, I have to put up with his macho, egotistical, sexist, attitude for a month." Setsuna tried to look like she was annoyed with the prospect. "But we wouldn't want him any other way." Chibi-Usa and Setsuna shared a laugh. No, you don't want me to go on. ECB: Please do! Tell us how much you failed to get it. Explain with neon signs and large surround sound speakers how your primary example was meant as farce yet you are taking it as a serious Ranma work. ECB: And now, performing live from the most empty stadium we've ever seen: "K'thardin and the missed points!" Trust me, you DON'T want me to continue. Fics like this abound in spades, but this one in particular is one that compiles quite a number of those bad ideas all into one giant gestalt we should be calling Devastator. At least I can point to this one and say "Yup, this is as bad as it can really get for a lot of series." ECB: At least I can point to this one and say, "Yup, this is as bad as it can really get for a lot of rants." The fuck is wrong with fic writers? ECB: I have a better question. What the fuck is wrong with you that you hunt for fics on a premise you hate and parodies for the basis of a serious rant? Do you want to be taken as a fucking moron? Is it your purpose to provide target practice for satirists such as myself? I know! ECB:K'thardin: Heh. They'll never be able to figure out that I was drunk when I posted this! I'll be hailed as a genius because I'm K'thardin! ECB: Way to go! I mean, I used to like Ranma, and I can even appreciate some parts of it as much as the next guy, but this is outta hand people! ECB: Translation: "Because I go around reading crappy fics, I've grown to hate Ranma for often being a munchkin in said crappy fics." ECB: Thank you for explaining that you like eating shit. I am sure Betsy feels appriciated by your constant asslicking. Ranma is NOT this perfect person to whom everyone and their mother looks up to and every girl wants. He is not undefeatable... hell, he's not even the most powerful of the Martial artists in anime. ECB: Agreed there. Of course, it would be nice if you had a direction that didn't involve either pointing at a parody, scum, or your own blind interpretations. Everyone in Fist of the North Star, everyone in Dragon Ball Z, and everyone in Shadow Skills (terribly anime that one) come to mind when I think of those who are greater and can get even better, and that's without me actually thinking about it. ECB: I could comment on the blindness here, instead I'll just put a cool quote. ECB: "Every lie contains truth, and every truth contains a lie...."- Shu A better person would be Optimus Prime, the first OVA's Tenchi Masaki ECB: I love how you can't even take an entire series for your example. Using your own logic we could just take one episode or a handful of instances where Ranma is a superhuman empathetic paladin sort (which is really just a momentary insight or interpretation) to provide these godlike Ranma's. Personally, I don't go for that, but if you are going to use that logic on Tenchi to argue that he's better than Ranma, they can do the same right back. ECB: "How does it feel to be a fucking hypocrite? Does it taste good?" , Guyver 1 and Guyver 3, Otaru from Saber Marionette J, and the list goes on and on. ECB: Yadda yadda yadda. Your point is flawed from the get go as you are treating an entire fanficdom as one unit. We aren't. Hell, most of us can't agree on a single frame of animation and what it means. Enough is enough! Keep Ranma in his own universe where he can be ubbermained if you can't do a true fusion of the mythos. ECB: You ever consider that they don't want to do a true fusion of the mythos? That they are writing crossovers, not fusions. That they are often just taking slight elements, characters, or ideas, they like and putting it on top of a different base? That they are being...creative in their usage of it? Of course you, being the blind fool that you are, would read that and think of the crap and disagree, whereas I would think of stuff like Ranma and Akane: A Love Story, and view it as a perfect example of taking small bits to blend together into what is almost a unique original fic. I don't know how people ignore the bad about this guy and replace it with the ubber good that they constantly do. ECB: A lot don't. For every fic out there that has Ranma 'Ubergod of the Universe' Saotome, there is another one that has Ranma 'Spineless Shinji Clone' Saotome or Ranma 'Violent Antagonist' Saotome. It's fanfiction, written to the preferences of the author. It isn't canon you sad excuse for a black faced puke eating llama. How can the replace his importance in another series they like? ECB: Like this! "Hmm, how could we manage to write a crossover between Ranma and Hand Maid May? Okay, how would he get the doll?" -Etc. I see it all the time in fanfic chatrooms. Or you could take the simple law of probability: "As there becomes more and more Ranma fans out there, there is a greater and greater probability of one of them deciding to cross Ranma over into potentially obscure or absurd series x." I mean, the other series had other other characters and how they interacted with both those situations and each other made the series special.... how can you possibly take Ranma and have him supersede every little bit within this new series while everyone else goes "Go Ranma! Go Ranma!" That's even worse than what was done after the first season of Sailor Odango-brain... at least Sailor Moon was a character IN Sailor Moon. ECB:... Wow. Your cleverness astounds me. Would you like a cigar? Here, take a seat in the royal chair. You can enjoy your five seconds of ranting fame before you head back to the kitchen where you belong, bitch. These are fanfic authors. They aren't writing because they want to produce the great original novel. They are writing because they decided they wanted to cross Ranma with something and, by golly, they are going to do it. I won't say necessarily all crossovers ought be done at all, but that isn't going to stop someone from writing it and likely a good twenty or so people from enjoying it. This is where the "Read what you like" comes into play. You aren't forced to read a fic that says: "Hey, I'm a fan of the Hotaru/Ranma matchup and here's my go at it." So what if they supercede the mythos. They don't care. They aren't writing a fusion or a pure blend of mythos usually. They are taking a few things they like and mixing them together. It's almost as if the authors of these vile fics want to BE the invincible Ranma and DO all this stuff. ECB: Well, yes, there are a lot of people who do that. Most people are clever enough to realize who does and doesn't do that stuff, but if you want to assume everyone in Ranma fanfiction as a whole is this sort of craptacular, go right ahead. You'll parody yourself when being read by anyone who isn't totally ignorant of the fanficdom. that's the case, BE HONEST... write yourself in. How you get your powers is totally up to you... it just takes a bit of imagination. ECB: Mercy me, not more SI's. Regardless, I do agree with the point, but I also find these fics to be quite a small minority of Ranma fanfics in my experience. Perhaps this could be because I ignore fanfiction.net, but then, so does most people who don't want the crappiest fanfiction avaliable. Oh... the fuck am I thinking? Why should they use their imagination when they've already got something premade to take care of that? ECB: Good idea. Everyone should stop writing GodRanma fics. Hey wait, that still leaves Ranma fics which are premade. Darn, well, let's remove those too! Wait, Tenchi fics also use someone elses creation. Well, that can't be right! We'll just have to tell every Tenchi author to stop writing as well. Get out your imagination, folks, time for original fiction. Wait wait wait, don't you use the English language for original fiction? By George, you're right! We'll have to create completely unique forms of self expression which are so original no one can figure out what they are! Brilliant! ECB: Just so you don't miss the neon signs: "Your argument is ludicrious." Perhaps this problem had a far simpler explanation after all. ECB: That you are blind. Works for me. Nut's Addendum K`th asked me to add on anything I had to say, so here goes... K`thardin mentioned how unfair this was to all of the characters in these crossovers, but it's also unfair to Ranma. They strip away his entire personality, both the good and the bad, to make him this saint. ECB: Agreed, in the worst fics they do this. In many of the lower quality fics he becomes nothing more than a caricature. Wait, That's the same sort of deal that happens in Tenchi fanficdom! Why don't you turn around your rant and go all hardass on those pricks? I'm sure they'll enjoy it just as much. In the process, they removed the things I liked about him. The way he'll get something right with Akane, then screw it up. ECB: Translation: "I love Takahashi-sama and her endless plot twists to ensure that characters don't grow throughout her series." ECB: I really find it amusing that you effectively say: "I like him because he absolutely sucks at romance and makes me feel better by saying: "I'm not as bad as that loser."" His unending stubbornness in the face of any obstacle. Hell the way he has to struggle, endure, and THINK before finally beating an opponent (FYI: The ultimate technique of the Saotome School of Anything Goes Martial Arts is "Speed, Separation, Strategy," which Ranma uses an awful lot.). ECB: *Yawns* Your point being? A LOT of good fics use this. May I point you over to Fire's "Vengeance 1/2" which is the first fic to pop into my mind of positively hundreds that do this? It's also, just for you to get your panties in a twist, a crossover fic with Sailor Moon. Oh no! That's horrible isn't it? Better Run For The Hills! I gagged when I saw that bit about Ranma confessing his love to Hotaru... This is Ranma for christ's sake! You know, the guy who froze up for at least half an hour when trying to kiss Akane? ECB: Read a crap fic, get a crap byline. You aren't making any point other than to say: ECB: "I'm too much of a pissant to actually give commentary directly to the guy, I have to whine in the shadows about how his fic SUCKS!" And speaking of Akane... poor girl. It appears Ranma will toss her aside for any anibabe that walks by, and it sounds like she's much of the same treatment Aeka recieves from brain dead fic writers. ECB: Why do you treat Ranma fanficdom as if it's one person or something? You group the whole fanficdom by merely looking at a couple of extremely poor example choices. It's a stupid generalization and makes your entire argument sound like shit. I'm sure I could find three examples without trying hard at all in the Tenchi fanficdom and then make the same extensions you do about this. Wow, it would be great even! I can just picture it: "A rant on Tenchi in the K'thardin style. Is it just me or is the number of shitty ass Tenchi crossovers increasing lately?" By the way, just in case you authors didn't get it, Ranma is not Tenchi. ECB: This is going to be good. It is not an open-ended love triangle where the main character has not given his heart to any of the girls. Ranma loves Akane (and she loves him back, for that matter); this is very, very obvious. ECB: It is also highly contended. This is your interpretation of it. Many authors disagree entirely. And that's just out of those who are writing non-altverse, continuation fics. It becomes even more of a lukewarm interpretation if you take the countless more authors who start their fics before Ranma ever met Akane. Wow! You can't just have him walk away from that relationship (not that he could, Genma and Soun wouldn't let him). ECB: *Rolls eyes* ECB: "Well, isn't that cuuuuute... BUT IT'S WRONG!"-Two Stupid dogs ECB: As I just noted, there are a lot of ways in which the relationship never comes up at all or isn't pre-existing. Another large group includes the Akane is already dead (Usually from Saffron at the end of Manga) as their tool to allow Ranma free roam of the world. Others elaborate on the empty periods between the chapters of the manga or work early, when it's reasonable for it to be easily disruptable. Still others use the effective basis of Akane's swift judgement and often angry words to consider the effect if she caught Ranma in something seriously bad to break the relationship. These are just a few ways it can be done even assuming that end manga they have a strong romantic relationship, which a good deal of Ranma fanfiction authors don't agree with. It hurts, it really hurts. These authors can't even handle one universe right, why the hell are they trying more than one at the same time? ECB: See above. *End ECB* Wow, that was a whopper of a rant. I love how it's pathetically argued and extended off of mostly a work of farce and parody. That has to be a winner. I give this 'rant' a D in the Make Sense school. It really deserves an F for being so retarted as to use a parody as the basis of evidence for the rant, but dammit, I found the usage of such so hillarious I couldn't possibly give them an F. I think K'thardin has a career awaiting him in comedy. He could be the best straight face to hit Hollywood in years! "Yes, I do believe that the complete obliteration of all those Arab horsefuckers who all beat their wives and kids is a good thing. All Arabs should die." Can't you just picture him up on stage saying that with a straight face to howls of derision and laughter?