[Ranma] A Baroque Yarn

[Brian]

As is my sad standard, apologies for the belated reply. :x

This is brilliant.  There are several points I was laughing so hard I could hardly breathe.  Nancy's a lot more fun than her original counterpart and she didn't have a monopoly on the humor. Anne and Roan still have egos, tempers, and ability to jump to conclusions - and far more chance of success in their relationship than their original counterparts. I've got some minor suggestions - feel free to ignore, especially the historical ones since no one else noticed.

Yay!

I actually did research, as I usually do!  But forgot to take notes.  And then....  I think I got distracted by a wikiwalk and ended up looking at diving bells at 4:00 AM or something along those lines....

>Her elder sister did get upset if she ever got them stained.

Perhaps 'eldest'.

Ooh, good call.

>     "As you know," Kate began, once both were seated, though she
>herself remained standing, "I've received a gentleman caller
>recently."

Could drop " once both were seated" since they both have been.

Oh, yeah, that is superfluous. :x

>     His name was Roan Shaftoe, son of Gary Shaftoe.

Nice name choice.

The one I actually thought about the hardest, probably. :D

> So when Gary Shaftoe had a son, and Sam Tomlin had three
>daughters, they'd agreed their children would be wed.

Considering the period, should that be Gerald and Samuel?

Hmm, I wonder if Roan would cal Gerald 'Gary' as a bear anyway....

>     The problem was the humongous bear just behind the redheaded boy.

Considering the period, perhaps 'gargantuan'?

>leaving the fallen hooped skirt behind.

Think that should be "_hoop_ skirt"

Both of those are right on your part. :p

> In addition, this new girl had some sort of simplified cravat,
>a wide-brimmed hat, a coil of rope at one hip, not one but two
>pistols, and a pair of stone hatchets hanging just below, marked with
>eagle feathers bound to them.

By this point in history, stone would be very unusual. Metal tomahawks have been around as trade goods and were strongly preferred to stone.  Anything stone is probably an heirloom and elaborately carved,

I actually did not know that.  Much to my chagrin. >.>

Iron it is!

>     Chantille blinked, looking at Roan, male again, but dazed,
>slack-jawed, and then Anne, who was certain if she was any more
>furious she'd come aflame.

Suggest dropping "was certain".

Alrighty.

>   "Why?" Nancy asked, baffled.  "Aren't you German?"
>
>   "Austrian, actually," Rupert said, shaking his head.  "Regardless,
>our paths crossed in the war!"
>
>   Roan glanced at the man sidelong.  "I think I would have remembered you."
>
>   "You led a charge at the battle of Milan that cut my forces off,"
>Rupert said quietly.

In period Austrian was a major power and allied with Britain in the War of Spanish Succession.  Most of the German states were also on their side, with the exception of Bavaria and Cologne.  Since the latter name would cause confusion, I suggest Rupert being from Barvaria.

Thus I suggest:

>   "Why?" Nancy asked, baffled.  "Aren't you _Austrian_?"
>
>   "_Bavarian_, actually," Rupert said, shaking his head.  "Regardless,
>our paths crossed in the war!"

Hmm.... 

I think I got caught up in looking for a germanic name....  I must have read about this.  I think I chose Austrian because that's a real name (and so is the attached crest), but ... I have no notes, so that could be innacurate.  Bavaria it is. :)

>I could not
>have left my friend behind without saving something for his family,
>and that was Esteban's cross.

Most people would assume a crucifix, not a cross emblazoned on a ring.  Suggest having Roan produce it and the describing it.

Ooops.  There's a missing story here about how it _was_ a crucifix, and it got damaged in the battle and Estella's uncle (through a hilarious series of miscommunications) turns it into a ring with the understanding that Roan would someday find a way to return it to Estella.  I don't know how well that would have worked, in retrospect, and I absolutely forgot to actually ... er ... write it....

...so now it will always have been a cross emblazoned on a ring, yes.

* Brian goes to fix that....

You sometimes refer to Esteban as 'she' and 'her' here. Suggest changing to 'he' and 'his' until Roan figures it out or having Esteban's shirt torn with Nancy noticing well before Roan  and Anne realize what has been revealed.

Oops, yeah, was inconsistant there towards the end.

>          ------------------------------------
>     Author's notes:  Hmm, been sitting on this one for a few years.
>I think this is as far as it goes.  I found it mildly amusing, and I
>hope you did too. :)

Mildly amusing?  It was hilarious.

Aces!

Thank you very much, as always, for the feedback; it is greatly appreciated. :D