Writing Challenge!

[Brian]

Thanks. I admit I feel like I cheated a bit, but I'm okay with the final product.

I think we're all cheating a little bit -- kind of have to, with a challenge like this.

Speaking of which ... er ... did this challenge kill all posting?

[Anastasia]

I've been meaning to post comments, but I've been busy.

[Muphrid]

Gonna have to echo that.  Nothing like finding out your presentation on a semester's worth of work is going to be two weeks earlier.  Now that I can catch a breath,

@Brian's: That sort of deliberate obliqueness on Haruhi's part seems very characteristic of her.  It's cute.

@Ana's:  I guess I'm a little lost.  Who's thumping Ranma upstairs?  Genma?  Otherwise, it seems like a routine day for Ranma all right.  That feel is captured well.

@Hal's:  Very fluid.  I'm not sure--is "beribboned" a word?  Other than that, the narration does well in conveying the thoughts of the woman in purple (I'm not familiar with Yukari, so I can only logically guess her identity), so it was accessible even to me.


I know Brian had a question about mine; it was intended that the old man be a mortician (and hence, he listens for her breathing rather than to it, but that may be splitting hairs on my part).  Otherwise, having one of the two be dead seemed like an easy way to eliminate the need for dialogue.  Eheh.

[Jason_Miao]

I think we're all cheating a little bit -- kind of have to, with a challenge like this.

For something like this, if you're not cheating, you're not trying.

Also, no one has cheated quite as badly as I have, so no one ought to feel bad about what they've posted.

[Edward]

@Ana's:  I guess I'm a little lost.  Who's thumping Ranma upstairs?  Genma?  Otherwise, it seems like a routine day for Ranma all right.  That feel is captured well.

Rather the opposite on what's happening upstairs.

And not routine.  You have to see what isn't there.

[Jason_Miao]

What's the word?  Is bird the word?  John had flipped James the bird.  He flipped him the bird because James won the flip.  They were flipping a coin to win a trip.  So James grabbed John's throat in a iron-bound grip, and pushed John off a ledge in a stumbling trip.  Now John is in heaven and James is a jail...bird?  Is bird the word?



No subtlety in this one, so not very good.  Maybe a third time will be the charm.

[Kt3]

Bird can't be the word.  That's quite absurd.  Haven't you heard?

Regarding the challenge... well, you know what?  I said I wanted to work on writing anyway so I'll try my best.

-------------

It was a cup.  It was always that damned cup.

Whenever she put it on the table it meant things.  Bad things.  Things that he'd rather not talk about but damned if he

wasn't obligated to.  A cup?  It's worthless.  Just a damned cup.

He sighed and palmed his face.  A migraine was just the topping on the shitcake that was his day.  He hemmed, he hawed.  He

reached for a smoke.

She used to love the smell.

She sighed and palmed the cup.  It didn't seem like it would happen that night.  Everything was hanging on this discussion,

or at least it seemed to.

Small bits and pieces of movements and expressions culminated in that night, where so much was said but so much was not.  He finished his smoke.  He made eye contact.

And then he broke it.  And then she broke down.  He left.

-------------------

Well, let's try that.

[Jason_Miao]

Okay, let's try this one.

---

Bound.  Shackled.  A room full of men.  It might have been the prelude to a fun evening, but certainly not when sitting in a chair in a rebel torture room.

Granted, only her hands were manacled to each other, but it wasn't as if she could take out the half-squad assigned to this chamber with her hands bound.  She counted herself lucky that they hadn't yet tied her down to something heavier.  After the havoc she'd wreaked with her hands free, and ones she'd killed when she was discovered, they were still nerving themselves up to how to deal with her.  Even her assigned interrogator looked nervous.  But eventually, they'd make an attempt, and at that point, she'd have to decide: whether to lose most of her ability to resist, or to fight and most likely die. 

They had just firmed their resolve and began to move towards her, when the interrogation room door opened, and a man, similarly shackled and roughed up, but clothed, was pushed inside ahead of another torturer.

He was pushed towards another seat, facing her, while the two rebel torturers bickered about room assignments.  She glanced at each of three guards standing behind the new prisoner, for one second apiece, then looked at him.  Then repeated the cycle once more.  And once more.

After an epoch-long minute, he looked back at her, with a dazed expression.  Then, still dazed, he looked slightly to her left.  Then directly behind her.  Then at her.

She blinked five times.

He blinked four.

She blinked three.

He blinked two.

She blinked once.

In a split second, they both reached behind themselves, grabbed a head, and twisted



---

So, this is an honest attempt, and with minimal gestures to boot.  This was earlier to write than a few other attempts, since the scene required no dialogue.

[Anastasia]

Stuff

I like puzzled Yuki, that was cute. I'm okay with the rest of it; I mean, I know it's supposed to be Yukari but I don't know the character at all so this is all intellectual. I gather she's sort of like Haruhi so things are going to indeed get interesting?

[Anastasia]

@Ana's:  I guess I'm a little lost.  Who's thumping Ranma upstairs?  Genma?  Otherwise, it seems like a routine day for Ranma all right.  That feel is captured well.

Rather the opposite on what's happening upstairs.

And not routine.  You have to see what isn't there.

Indeed. It's the sort of snippet where you need to read slowly and between the lines. I left it vague so that the reader can imply what they wish from it. That said, I have figured out what I think is going on there, I can spoil it if you guys prefer that.

[Halbarad]

Basically. Another reality warper, but one in this case with awareness of her power and more than a millennium of experience with it. Throw in a really weird outlook on the nature of reality and yeah, things are likely to get strange in a hurry.

[Anastasia]

Stuff

Nice. I had the idea it was a coroner working right off the bat. I identified with this, mostly since I've dealt with dead bodies before and that triggered memories. It didn't do horror for me, 'cause after a few bodies you get numb to them. In regards to what Brian said, I didn't think that she was breathing, he was just checking to make sure a mistake hadn't been made.

All that said I liked it, it was a fine technical piece.