[Haruhi] KBDH chapter 48

[Arakawa]

Ah.. since the Higurashi crossover is official in this fic, I guess that takes priority over Ranma in-jokes.

Though I did read a fic where Haruhi's mother was Nabiki....

Was it any good?

[Brian]

Judge for yourself.

I personally though it was ... pretty bad.  Not because it was terrible, but because it had a lot of potential and just fell tragically short.  The last chapter or two especially is just....  Author didn't know where his story was going, and it shows.

Kind of in that 'mediocre, deserved to be glorious' kind of way?  Really, that could just be me....

Edit: Actually, now that I've set your expectations, you may well enjoy it.

[Arakawa]

Ah. I just posted a very rough brainstorm of what I'd imagine a reasonable Ranma/Haruhi crossover might look like in Ideas Thread.

I'll be curious to see how much overlap there is with Demiglace Graffiti.

I'll be honest, after skimming Chapter 1, "Ranma is Haruhi's dad" is something I just can't picture... even if Haruhi has one parent originating from Nerima, it would have to be balanced by another normal parent for Haruhi's personality to have any hope of making sense.

Reading further: okay, I don't think Demiglace Graffiti even runs on making sense in the first place. The plot just runs on pixie dust. Which is fine and all, I guess. Added to reading list.

[Arakawa]

I thought that the "sonic screwdriver" was a function built into his sword hilt, not a discrete tool in and of itself.

Wait, "harmonic resonance tool" is basically a scientobabble-accurate name for a sonic screwdriver in the context of K:BDH? This is going to vastly simplify my own fic idea then...

[Brian]

Share and enjoy!

Made the corrections on the HTML this time, so diff shouldn't throw a fit picking out the spelling/grammar corrections.

Oh, boy!  I'm going to start uploading the markdown directly, just for you. :p

Though, that missing/extra linebreak was a markdown error I would have otherwise missed.  Hmm.

He just slammed the hilt of his beam saber into it, and then reached out and grabbed it besides? When did he ever let go of it after attaching the hilt?

Ah, yeah.  Revised:

Even though she was still worrying about incoming fire, Haruhi had to admit that the display was impressive.  The hilt sank seamlessly into the mass as Kyon released it, and then ... it transformed.  Kyon didn't hesitate to snatch the weapon once it had finished shifting, though Haruhi couldn't quite figure out what it _was_.

There's some weirdness about using 'binoculars-like' here with plurals; binoculars should always be referenced as plural, but since these aren't -quite- binoculars I'm not sure how to handle that here.

Just changed it to 'viewfinder'.

Mildly awkward here - "the hand reaching for his next weapon caught in Kuyou's hands--" --> "reaching for his next weapon only to be intercepted by Kuyou's hand" or something similar would be my suggestion here.

Oops.  Hmm.

When her eyes turned back to Wataru, the boy was trembling, reaching for his next weapon only to have his hand caught in Kuyou's--  No, the _other_ Kuyou, Haruhi realized, frowning.

I'd personally collapse the previous three paragraphs into one, and probably combine the first two into one sentence.

Yeah, I do tend to stretch things out too much. >_>;;

And ... another Markdown error. :x  Well, bad code on my part.  Trailing with two spaces omits the break. >_>

And BBcode.  I fail context switching, evidently. @_@

You've got 'hulking figure' twice in short succession here.

Tsuruya smash!  My bad. :p  Changed the second one to 'his boss.'

First sentence is comma overloaded. "As he vaulted out of the seat, he wondered if that might have been too much for his boss; however, even as he ran towards the hospital doors, the larger man passed him effortlessly, a cigar still clenched in his teeth.

Paced, not passed, but I'll go with that. :D

You hit the 'timing' point here twice.

Oops.  I'll just omit the sentence instance and leave it at not being a coincidence.

Changed to 'from him', although I'm not sure that Kunikida would go directly to Kyon for a picture - he'd probably ask someone else for it or get Kyon to pose if that was the case. The picture as described seems to be perfect - something that doesn't really look too flattering and that Kunikida could snap unnoticed.

Hmm.  How about this:

"I took this picture earlier this morning,"

>> Wataru seems okay to me. Having the combat be mostly glossed over here is also more or less fine with me; it received most of the focus in the last chapter, so moving past details here doesn't bother me at all.

In regards to the 'trust' thing, the only thing I'd recommend is to have Nonoko push back more on Kyon when he says it - obviously, if he's asking for his gear back, he doesn't trust -her- enough, and even while sick it's something she's been striving for for a while - to get him to trust her. I do think it's the right angle of attack, but it's not one that's going to make Nonoko fold instantly the way pride did, he'll have to get her to see that she's not trusting him either.

Excellent.  Okay.  I will work on revising that scene, but I'm fading, so ... sleep first. :D

Thank you very much for the C&C, Hal; appreciated, as always. :)

[Brian]

Wait, "harmonic resonance tool" is basically a scientobabble-accurate name for a sonic screwdriver in the context of K:BDH?

In K:BDH, the beam saber has always worked on a principle of resonance, but then, even in the Whoniverse (now) they pretty much treat it as a magic wand.  Hell, the doctor can do medical scans with it now....

[Arakawa]

In K:BDH, the beam saber has always worked on a principle of resonance, but then, even in the Whoniverse (now) they pretty much treat it as a magic wand.  Hell, the doctor can do medical scans with it now....

The most bewildering use of a sonic screwdriver I've seen in the Whoniverse has got to be in "Runaway Bride" where he grabs a cell phone from a random guy and uses the screwdriver to hack into a corporate intranet via the cell phone's web browser.

I attempted to rationalize to myself how that could possibly work. In terms of tropes, it's a fairly obvious combination of Hollywood hacking plus Sonic Screwdriver Can do Anything plus Cell Phones Can do Anything... the perfect storm of computerized absurdity.

As for scientobabble... The only method I could think of is that he somehow uses the screwdriver to force the cell phone apart into one million divergent time lines at the microscopic level, automatically enter a different brute force password in each one using some preset, then collapse the timelines, using Time Lord senses to leave only the one that actually gets him into the intranet without any problems.

I think about things you're not supposed to think about, don't I?

Basically, the point of my bringing this up is that if K:BDH Kyon stumbled into the Whoniverse, he'd be able to (hopefully) recognize a sonic screwdriver and attempt to use it in a semi-competent manner if the situation called for it, right?

[Halbarad]

Making corrections on the HTML is probably for the best anyway - I'm used to working in it directly as it is, and it does let me catch errors that might slip through markdown.

[Brian]

Making corrections on the HTML is probably for the best anyway - I'm used to working in it directly as it is, and it does let me catch errors that might slip through markdown.

That's ... true.

The most bewildering use of a sonic screwdriver I've seen in the Whoniverse has got to be in "Runaway Bride" where he grabs a cell phone from a random guy and uses the screwdriver to hack into a corporate intranet via the cell phone's web browser.

I attempted to rationalize to myself how that could possibly work. In terms of tropes, it's a fairly obvious combination of Hollywood hacking plus Sonic Screwdriver Can do Anything plus Cell Phones Can do Anything... the perfect storm of computerized absurdity.

Oh, I remember that now.  The show had already crossed my 'Sure, Whatever' threshold much earlier by the simple measure of, "Temporal paradox is resolved by angry gargoyles."  After that I said, "He's a wizard, it's all magic, and he just pretends it's technology to keep people from breaking down into tears over the realization that their universe is established on such shaky foundations," and the show became awesome once more.

Absolutely, can't take the science aspects too seriously; they're all about exploring the social/cultural/Planet of Hats aspect, and that's actually entirely fine by me.

As for scientobabble... The only method I could think of is that he somehow uses the screwdriver to force the cell phone apart into one million divergent time lines at the microscopic level, automatically enter a different brute force password in each one using some preset, then collapse the timelines, using Time Lord senses to leave only the one that actually gets him into the intranet without any problems.

I think about things you're not supposed to think about, don't I?

Hehe, entering Kessler Run territory there.  You may be giving them too much credit.  :p  My own take (as above) was, "Sonic screwdriver magically unlocks everything that isn't 'deadlocked' (which is a stronger spell than sonic screwdriver)."

Basically, the point of my bringing this up is that if K:BDH Kyon stumbled into the Whoniverse, he'd be able to (hopefully) recognize a sonic screwdriver and attempt to use it in a semi-competent manner if the situation called for it, right?

K:BDH Kyon would have no trouble with a sonic screwdriver at all.

I think even canon Kyon would have a good shot of using it for the basic functions of unlocking/unscrewing things, based on his frequently referenced fanboy traits....  Probably not as good as Haruhi, but. :p

[Arakawa]

Hehe, entering Kessler Run territory there.  You may be giving them too much credit.  :p

Trust me, I'm giving all the credit for that rationalization to myself :-)

[Brian]

As if to underscore that remark, a stray flechette broke through their combined defenses, narrowly missing the top of Nonoko's head, and in fact catching a few stray hairs, leaving them to drift down to the girl's slide in an absurdly slow counterpoint.

Slide? Side?

Side!  Oops. :x

I expected Haruhi to have a slightly stronger emotional reaction to Kyon naming his weapons what he did. The significance there seemed kind of lost.

Right.  I mentioned earlier that I would touch on this later.  In the story, I mean. >_>

I don't like to try and defend or explain my stories outside of the narrative, as that feels like I've failed to correctly tell the story, so I've revised that:

Spoiler: ShowHide

"You named them ... that?" Haruhi asked, her heart skipping a beat as she felt twin spots of heat on her face.

     He took a deep breath, then met her eyes, giving her a small smile and placing one hand on her shoulder.  "Are you alright, Haruhi?  You've got blood on your face."

     She squeaked and shook her head furiously.  "I--  I'm fine!  I just smacked my nose!" she insisted.

     Oh, when the mood was better, she was going to ask him more about when he'd named those weapons -- but before that, she had to keep him from being any more worried about her or his sister.

     "It's nothing!"  She couldn't help raising a hand to rub at the dried blood over her lip.

The slider released a satisfying yelp of alarm as he fell off his perch, slipping towards a jagged pile of debris. Before he struck it, he suddenly slowed, his body briefly surrounded by that same green, protective field.

Same as what? When did we see this field before?

And revised (much more simply):

Before he struck it, he suddenly slowed, his body briefly surrounded by the same green, protective field that had shielded him from her earlier blast.

The Other, that thing which looked and behaved like, but was not, Kuyou, gave a curious reaction then, instead of trying for new possibilities or adapting, exerting itself further -- and shattering.

Tense feels awkward there at the end. How about:

...instead of trying for new possibilities or adapting, exerted itself further -- and shattered.

Oops, yeah.

Continuity break?

Er, one of the html errors that Hal caught?  It's caused by two trailing spaces in Markdown at the end of a line, which is code for 'omit <br> tag'.  I doublespace between sentences, so this typically only ever crops up when I edit. >_>;;

almost equally uncomfortably blush

Pretty sure you mean "uncomfortable."

Correct.

Yuuto wondered at how easily the man slipped adopted a casual mode of addressing his subordinates...

What's happening with this verb tangle?

but he was easygoing enough it was more surprising than unwanted.

Feels like there's a "that" missing in here.

Yep; subconscious sentence merge.  Cleaned up:

Yuuto wondered at how easily the man slipped into a casual mode of address for his subordinates, but he was easygoing enough that it was more surprising than unwanted.

Excellent; thank you very much for the corrections and comments! :D

[Phantom Kirin]

Hello again, everyone. I have come with a word that may actually fit the situation for Nonoko and Kuyou (provided that Nonoko knows the meaning of the word)...

http://www.vocabulary.com/definition/humility

As for the edit on the use of the "trust" concept...

[Brian]

Maaaaan that is some epic timing.

Hmm, actually.  After looking at it, I'm not sure -- a test of pride/humility, isn't that the same as the original?



Edit: Okay, the version posted to my site right now (hahaha) is 48.1.1.  If this revision doesn't work, I'll patch it to 48.2.0.

Revisiontacular. :p

[Phantom Kirin]

Would that be good or bad, Brian?

Anyways, to continue from where I left off...

    "Nonoko ... this is not a magical girl's test of _courage_."

    "W...what?" she asked, confused.

     Haruhi cursed and turned her attention to raising another rampart of soil around them to repel the next wave of attacking robots.

     "Imouto," Kyon said, his voice as gentle as he could manage, putting on the bright, reassuring smile he hadn't shown her since she'd woken him up crying about a nightmare, long ago.  "This is a magical girl's test of _trust_."

     She stared at him for a stunned, blank moment.  "A test of trust?" she asked, bewildered.  "What....  But, I do trust you!"

     "Then, won't you let me take care of this?" he asked, trying not to beg.

     She stared at him in stunned amazement, her eyes slowly widening, filling with tears as her confidence flagged and guttered out like a candle in a fierce wind.  "I....  I'm not trusting you because I won't let you fight?" she asked, clear drops spilling from her eyes, rolling down her cheeks.

     "We all depend on our allies!" Haruhi agreed.  "We work together -- trying to get into a fight just because you haven't, to prove yourself....  Nonoko, you have to trust Kyon handle this -- he's taken care of things like this before!"

     "B...but," the girl sniffled, shaking her head.  "I want to help!"

     Kyon nodded, still giving her that reassuring smile.  "We all want to help, Imouto.  I can only tell you this because I made the same mistake in the past.  But you're not ready to handle this on your own.  Leave it to your big brother and sister, alright?"

     Nonoko shifted her shoulder, her eyes watering.  With obvious reluctance, she gave a hesitant nod, her hands trembling.  "O...okay," she agreed, sniffling again before shakily pointing the wand at him.  "Shining Seal -- Release!"

     With that cry, the interdiction field vanished.  Kuyou was levitated from his hands almost instantly -- he presumed by Haruhi -- so wasted no time sweeping his sister in his arms.  "You can trust me, right?" he asked her.

     She sniffled and gave him another nod, managing a smile as she handed over the wand in her hands.  "...will you trust me, too?" she asked, her voice cracking.

     He felt like someone had driven something into his heart, but kept his smile anyway, hugging her even more tightly.

   

The Other had paused her assault for the moment, trying to observe her, but unable to see into that precious core of 'memory'.  Kuyou's own false observations spun away, diffusing into the enormity of the resonation that the Other maintained within her.

     Kuyou's eyes blinked, that tiny part of her body slowly closing and re-opening, forcing a re-trigger of her perceptions and double-checking.  And then again.

     The Other represented something alien, and Kuyou felt an unpleasant resonation within her to recognize some small parts of it anyway.  That Other wanted to force her to its will, and she had to resist, somehow.  It was pre-determined that she not merge ... not become synchronized.

     Even so, she could tell that the Other was preparing a renewed assault.

     The memetics that Kyon had delivered to the smaller entity that shared some genetic and behavior features with him were mutated, as the smaller entity delivered back unexpectedly:

     "Y...you're a fairy person, too, right?  Just like her?"  She pointed to the other entity that Kuyou had focused most of her recent observations.  More than just 'memory', there were the resonant memetics, there.  "Don't you have more power when you don't spend your strength to keep a larger form?  You can trust Nii-san and Achakura to take care of you, even when you're small!"

     Kuyou turned her attention and focus away from the Other, instead orienting her observations on Kyon's younger sister.  She was no longer wrapped in the same defensive structures she had been using earlier, and her force manipulation tools had been returned to Kyon -- but her memetic imprint still retained significant potential.  It was the strand she had been looking for, provided by him, changed by her, allowing her the escape she had sought.

     As the Other chose that moment to resume the attack, she opened herself up to it, allowing the other to try to synchronize with her, even as she synchronized herself to Ryouko.  A complex loop of memetics from the other entity that Kyon's sister now clutched in her hands resonated, as she aligned, her perceptions and bounds shifting.

     Blinking her, she gave a polite smile to her copy.  "I will not allow you to harm this human," she told the Other.  "I am in love with him," she added, feeling sudden, deeper understanding of what that concept entailed from Ryouko's memetic library, and applying that meaning to herself more fully than she had before.

    Challenging the disruptive Other, she concluded, "Sychronize with that!  Activating 'chibi-mode'!"

     The Other's extended string sank into places where Kuyou was not, any more.  Her perspective shifted yet again, smaller still -- down to a level she had never experienced in such a way before.  Bits of attempted synchronization struck at her from the Other, rejected by the bond she shared with Ryouko -- now amplified enough to repel that foreign influence.

     She was aware of the sudden void that her connection with Ryouko invoked in the Other -- it destabilized, struggling, trying to force the synchronization anyway.  No longer retaining the symbols that were vulnerable to such an attack, she watched, and shared her observations with the rest of the Chorus -- wiping away the recent storm of false observations she had not allowed outside of the shadow-song.

     The Other, that thing which looked and behaved like, but was not, Kuyou, gave a curious reaction then, instead of trying for new possibilities or adapting, exerting itself further -- and shattering.  For a single instant, the entirety of the Other and the Noise it brought with them were silent.

     Visibly, it was represented by the portals overhead -- and throughout the rest of the shadow-song -- collapsing, all of their foreign energy abruptly rejected from even her pale imitation of the entirety of the Chorus.  Distantly, at the edges of observation -- for the span of a single rotation -- she could observe myriad other worlds, a complicated, tangled mass of asymmetrical eleven-dimensional objects.

     Somehow, through a haphazard and unnatural process, those other objects, those not-Choruses, jarred and flowed in twisted mockery of the natural rightness of the Chorus.  Without the Other to shield them, Kuyou was astonished to observe that, to _them_, the Song was as destructive as _Noise_ was to the Chorus!

     No sooner had she realized this than the connection was closed, squeezed down to a narrow window of potential that she could only barely perceive.  Shielded from her observations somehow, she realized ... linked to something in the structure of exotic materials that had been dropped from the upper portal.  Even with the Other missing, that thing represented difficulties.

     Yet ... every entity there had been arranged for part of some greater harmony.

     She returned herself to the proper scale of time to better interact with the others.

     Her newly shrunken form drifted slowly down on the influence of reduced gravity, until she was plucked from the air by Suzumiya Haruhi.  Her attention fixed on the golden eyes of the larger girl, and she explained, "We must destroy this dangerous structure!"

     "It's maintaining a beacon that locks the sliders onto this dimension!" Ryouko agreed anxiously.  "There appears to be a dark fusion reactor inside there that resonates with something in another dimension.  It seems likely that this is what they use as an emergency fall-back function!"

     "What the hell just happened to the other Kuyou?" Kyon asked in bewilderment, casting about with a dark expression.  "She just seemed to kind of turn into sparkles and drift away?"

     "I provided an observation of myself that was empty, as my true self was mirrored to memories!" Kuyou replied, pleased at the improved library from her connection with Ryouko.  Communication was rapidly gaining efficiency!  "She attempted to synchronize with it and successfully became nothing, because she didn't understand what I was or how I changed!"

     "See?" Nonoko said brightly.  "I helped!"

     "Yes!" Kuyou agreed.

I was making a few observations on these words, and I feel the need to point out the following with the subtlety of a Master Spark...

First off: why are Kuyou's sentences ending with a exclamation mark? I'm confused by that...
Second:

Blinking her, she gave a polite smile to her copy.  "I will not allow you to harm this human," she told the Other.  "I am in love with him," she added, feeling sudden, deeper understanding of what that concept entailed from Ryouko's memetic library, and applying that meaning to herself more fully than she had before.

    Challenging the disruptive Other, she concluded,  "Sychronize with that!  Activating 'chibi-mode'!"

To point out two things: the bold text is marking what I would consider a error in syntax or something. Wouldn't it be "blinking at her" or something? Sorry if I'm being harsh here, but the Master Spark remark that I made was not a joke.

And the other thing would be the words that are in italics,, which doesn't quite sound right, in my opinion. Perhaps, as a suggestion, maybe something along the lines of "So, synchronize with that, if you can. Activate 'chibi-mode'!" (I'll admit that the line that I suggested sounded lame)...

Also, you misspelled "Synchronize" as "Sychronize", but that's a minor quibble.

Third, about this...

"Y...you're a fairy person, too, right?  Just like her?"  She pointed to the other entity that Kuyou had focused most of her recent observations.  More than just 'memory', there were the resonant memetics, there.  "Don't you have more power when you don't spend your strength to keep a larger form?  You can trust Nii-san and Achakura to take care of you, even when you're small!"

I actually think that this is very good in terms of the use of the "trust" scenario, just so you know. However, mixing the words "trust" and "humility" into the same scenario, again in my own opinion, might also work, if you want.

Finally...

Though she still looked angry, the boy's mother turned to look at the elder Tsuruya in confusion. "You know what's going on here?" she pressed. "What ... foolishness Kyon's gotten himself into? Your daughter called to say that Kyon-kun somehow rescued Nono-chan?"

The green-haired giant nodded slightly, pulling his cigar from his mouth with a frown and tucking it into his coat pocket with a contemplative look. "I would say that Kyon has done his families proud, personally," the man said slowly. "And that this fault is mine -- but, tell me ... when I told you that your son was working as a bodyguard for my daughter, is it that you somehow thought I was only joking?"

The woman worked her jaw in response wordlessly, her eyes shooting wide -- though all she could utter was a surprised, strangled sound.

Her husband moved to her side quickly, taking one of her hands and sending a frightened look at the man. "Y...you're saying that Tsuruya-chan has, er, violent enemies, and ... Kyon-kun actually protects her from them?" he asked. He turned a questioning, worried glance at his son as well.

"No!" her sempai's mother insisted, shaking her head furiously, squeezing her husband's hand for reassurance. "You meant-- Kyon-- As a chaperone and-- Not--" She sputtered incoherently for a moment, then joined her husband in staring at her son.

For his part, Kanae's sempai winced. "On a good day it just means being there," he allowed. "On a bad day...." He shrugged off and gestured to the taller man -- who instantly had all attention on him again.

"I've somehow always thought you understood everything," the man sighed, shaking his head at the boy's parents. "What did you think we were arranging when we engaged our children? Surely you didn't think I would want that just because he made her happy? In that case, she could make her own decisions -- but if she likes him.... Well, he protects her of his own volition and is an admirable ally to our household, so why wouldn't I also want to have him joined to our family?

"A capable, responsible boy who likes my daughter on his own, and not because he comes from the backing of a rival that seeks to undo us?
"I'll admit, I had some doubts when he first helped my daughter, and I was suspicious that he didn't even request money after fighting off a dozen men to save her -- but your son is without a doubt the fastest rising star in my organization. As I say, he has saved my daughter from gave harm -- or worse -- several times," he continued, shaking his head. "I apologize if this is a surprise to you, but your son is quite an asset to us.

"So -- this business, this kidnapping.... Your son has an acquaintance -- you know her as Sasaki, I believe?"

In the silence, Kanae shifted her feet uncomfortably, wondering if her sempai's family had forgotten she and Mikuru were there.

"Er," the boy's mother managed shakily. "Y...yes, what of her? Is she ... too?"

"Nothing like that," the elder Tsuruya said dismissively, shaking his head. "But she's a target by some unlikable people -- last night, Kyon led the mission to rescue her from some unsavory peoples. The blame for Nonoko-chan being in danger is entirely mine; I should have arranged more protection and greater care for the family of my daughter's most valued supporter!"

Clapping his hands together abruptly, the large man made everyone in the room except for himself, her sempai, and the slumbering Nonoko jump -- Kanae was almost embarrassed to realize she had reflexively hugged herself onto Mikuru out of fright. The older girl, naturally, had known she'd need assurance, and had hugged Kanae protectively at the same time -- what a wonderful self-appointed 'big sister!'

With no more warning, the huge man abruptly bowed to Nonoko's parents. "Please accept my apology; rest assured that your son is capable and responsible. My error resulted in danger to your daughter, but your family is capable." He rose from his bow, nodding, and added, "Rest assured, I will assign more forces to watch over your household and family from now on. As this is the only thing Kyon-kun has ever asked of me, personally, it is my obligation to him to see to it!"

"W...what?" Nonoko's mother managed uncertainly, before she stamped one foot, fixing the huge man with a glare. "No-- No! I didn't know about any of this, and--"

She was cut off suddenly by her husband nudging her gently and giving a stern shake of his head. "Akane-chan," he said in warning -- the use of the woman's name prompting his son to blink in surprise, "we may not have understood what we've gotten our son into into, but Kyon-kun certainly does. And he seems to be doing quite well for himself, all told. Now ... let's not ... annoy the man we both work for, alright, Dear?"

Kanae felt a little embarrassed that she was overhearing such things, but didn't really want to move from Mikuru's comforting embrace -- unless, possibly, it was into her sempai's. Judging by Akane's expression, that wasn't the best idea at the moment.

"We can't just leave things like this!" the woman countered with a growl, focusing her attention on her husband. "Until he can make the best decisions for himself, we have to!"

"And considering where that's gotten us...." He left that unfinished, raising his eyebrows and giving her an apologetic look. "We wanted Kyon-kun to grow up to be, um, a reliable, dependable person, and ... it seems he's done that."

"But..." she protested, shaking her head, then turning to look at Tsuruya's father. "He.... This isn't...." She sighed, her anger giving way to a look of worry. "Kyon-kun ... isn't fighting all the time?"

"Thankfully, not very often," the green-haired man agreed, nodding. "Usually, it's tamer stuffs -- like his work negotiating that alliance between us and the Sonozaki-gumi!"

Fortunately, her husband caught her before she crashed to the floor in a faint.

"Hmm," the large figure mused, frowning. "This was a bit rougher than I imagined it, for some reasons...."

"This ... is just a lot to process," the woman's husband mumbled, setting her carefully in one of the seats Mikuru and Kanae had never even gotten around to taking. Heaving a sigh he shook his head and said, "Um ... I'll ... make sure she's calm enough not to overreact and cancel any plans or anything."

"I hate to think of how sad my daughter would be if my mistake jeopardized the future she's been planning," the green-haired man said slowly.

"Y...yes," the harried man agreed, turning to look at his wife morosely. "Um."

Glancing at Kanae's sempai, the green-haired man gave a thoughtful nod and clapped one hand on Akane's husband's back. "Yuuto-kun, why don't we take your wife to another room so she can rest more comfortably?"

"Er, well-- Taking another room would be--"

"No worries! I bought this hospital the last time I was here for Kyon-kun, remember?"

"...right."

After they left, Mikuru released Kanae and heaved a quiet sigh of relief. "Um, Kyon-kun?" she asked worriedly. "Will ... everything be okay?"

"I don't know that this was the best idea," he answered with a sigh. "But ... I sure hope so."

I do believe that, since Akane fainted at the mention of the Sonozaki-gumi, that she knows about them and that, with those very words, she instantly realized that not only did she end up getting her son into the Yakuza by her own actions, but also that her choice to send Kyon to Hinamizawa only served to make things worse, by tying him directly to the Yakuza group that Keiichi is associated with...

I do believe that she has officially been Logic Bombed, Brian, and I would like to see how this will affect the SOS-dan's plans to go to Hinamizawa for the Watanagashi festival.

Also, as a strange note, since where was it that said that Akane worked for Tsuruya-sama? Because I don't actually recall that one (though, if it is true, then that would mean that she had made it so that her whole family is essentially tied to the Yakuza, both Tsuruya-sama's and the one that Keiichi is tied to, meaning that her own worst nightmare has become reality, and she can only blame herself for this.)...

[Brian]

Would that be good or bad, Brian?

Trust is an okay fit because it applies to Kyon and Nonoko.  Pride/humility is a decent fit because it applies to Kyon, but Nonoko isn't typically that arrogant.  It could be argued she'd let her power go to her head right there, which does (somewhat) mirror Kyon's earlier behavior with Yuki....  Hmm.

Something to think about.

Anyways, to continue from where I left off...

Spoiler: ShowHide

    "Nonoko ... this is not a magical girl's test of _courage_."

    "W...what?" she asked, confused.

     Haruhi cursed and turned her attention to raising another rampart of soil around them to repel the next wave of attacking robots.

     "Imouto," Kyon said, his voice as gentle as he could manage, putting on the bright, reassuring smile he hadn't shown her since she'd woken him up crying about a nightmare, long ago.  "This is a magical girl's test of _trust_."

     She stared at him for a stunned, blank moment.  "A test of trust?" she asked, bewildered.  "What....  But, I do trust you!"

     "Then, won't you let me take care of this?" he asked, trying not to beg.

     She stared at him in stunned amazement, her eyes slowly widening, filling with tears as her confidence flagged and guttered out like a candle in a fierce wind.  "I....  I'm not trusting you because I won't let you fight?" she asked, clear drops spilling from her eyes, rolling down her cheeks.

     "We all depend on our allies!" Haruhi agreed.  "We work together -- trying to get into a fight just because you haven't, to prove yourself....  Nonoko, you have to trust Kyon handle this -- he's taken care of things like this before!"

     "B...but," the girl sniffled, shaking her head.  "I want to help!"

     Kyon nodded, still giving her that reassuring smile.  "We all want to help, Imouto.  I can only tell you this because I made the same mistake in the past.  But you're not ready to handle this on your own.  Leave it to your big brother and sister, alright?"

     Nonoko shifted her shoulder, her eyes watering.  With obvious reluctance, she gave a hesitant nod, her hands trembling.  "O...okay," she agreed, sniffling again before shakily pointing the wand at him.  "Shining Seal -- Release!"

     With that cry, the interdiction field vanished.  Kuyou was levitated from his hands almost instantly -- he presumed by Haruhi -- so wasted no time sweeping his sister in his arms.  "You can trust me, right?" he asked her.

     She sniffled and gave him another nod, managing a smile as she handed over the wand in her hands.  "...will you trust me, too?" she asked, her voice cracking.

     He felt like someone had driven something into his heart, but kept his smile anyway, hugging her even more tightly.

   

The Other had paused her assault for the moment, trying to observe her, but unable to see into that precious core of 'memory'.  Kuyou's own false observations spun away, diffusing into the enormity of the resonation that the Other maintained within her.

     Kuyou's eyes blinked, that tiny part of her body slowly closing and re-opening, forcing a re-trigger of her perceptions and double-checking.  And then again.

     The Other represented something alien, and Kuyou felt an unpleasant resonation within her to recognize some small parts of it anyway.  That Other wanted to force her to its will, and she had to resist, somehow.  It was pre-determined that she not merge ... not become synchronized.

     Even so, she could tell that the Other was preparing a renewed assault.

     The memetics that Kyon had delivered to the smaller entity that shared some genetic and behavior features with him were mutated, as the smaller entity delivered back unexpectedly:

     "Y...you're a fairy person, too, right?  Just like her?"  She pointed to the other entity that Kuyou had focused most of her recent observations.  More than just 'memory', there were the resonant memetics, there.  "Don't you have more power when you don't spend your strength to keep a larger form?  You can trust Nii-san and Achakura to take care of you, even when you're small!"

     Kuyou turned her attention and focus away from the Other, instead orienting her observations on Kyon's younger sister.  She was no longer wrapped in the same defensive structures she had been using earlier, and her force manipulation tools had been returned to Kyon -- but her memetic imprint still retained significant potential.  It was the strand she had been looking for, provided by him, changed by her, allowing her the escape she had sought.

     As the Other chose that moment to resume the attack, she opened herself up to it, allowing the other to try to synchronize with her, even as she synchronized herself to Ryouko.  A complex loop of memetics from the other entity that Kyon's sister now clutched in her hands resonated, as she aligned, her perceptions and bounds shifting.

     Blinking her, she gave a polite smile to her copy.  "I will not allow you to harm this human," she told the Other.  "I am in love with him," she added, feeling sudden, deeper understanding of what that concept entailed from Ryouko's memetic library, and applying that meaning to herself more fully than she had before.

    Challenging the disruptive Other, she concluded, "Sychronize with that!  Activating 'chibi-mode'!"

     The Other's extended string sank into places where Kuyou was not, any more.  Her perspective shifted yet again, smaller still -- down to a level she had never experienced in such a way before.  Bits of attempted synchronization struck at her from the Other, rejected by the bond she shared with Ryouko -- now amplified enough to repel that foreign influence.

     She was aware of the sudden void that her connection with Ryouko invoked in the Other -- it destabilized, struggling, trying to force the synchronization anyway.  No longer retaining the symbols that were vulnerable to such an attack, she watched, and shared her observations with the rest of the Chorus -- wiping away the recent storm of false observations she had not allowed outside of the shadow-song.

     The Other, that thing which looked and behaved like, but was not, Kuyou, gave a curious reaction then, instead of trying for new possibilities or adapting, exerting itself further -- and shattering.  For a single instant, the entirety of the Other and the Noise it brought with them were silent.

     Visibly, it was represented by the portals overhead -- and throughout the rest of the shadow-song -- collapsing, all of their foreign energy abruptly rejected from even her pale imitation of the entirety of the Chorus.  Distantly, at the edges of observation -- for the span of a single rotation -- she could observe myriad other worlds, a complicated, tangled mass of asymmetrical eleven-dimensional objects.

     Somehow, through a haphazard and unnatural process, those other objects, those not-Choruses, jarred and flowed in twisted mockery of the natural rightness of the Chorus.  Without the Other to shield them, Kuyou was astonished to observe that, to _them_, the Song was as destructive as _Noise_ was to the Chorus!

     No sooner had she realized this than the connection was closed, squeezed down to a narrow window of potential that she could only barely perceive.  Shielded from her observations somehow, she realized ... linked to something in the structure of exotic materials that had been dropped from the upper portal.  Even with the Other missing, that thing represented difficulties.

     Yet ... every entity there had been arranged for part of some greater harmony.

     She returned herself to the proper scale of time to better interact with the others.

     Her newly shrunken form drifted slowly down on the influence of reduced gravity, until she was plucked from the air by Suzumiya Haruhi.  Her attention fixed on the golden eyes of the larger girl, and she explained, "We must destroy this dangerous structure!"

     "It's maintaining a beacon that locks the sliders onto this dimension!" Ryouko agreed anxiously.  "There appears to be a dark fusion reactor inside there that resonates with something in another dimension.  It seems likely that this is what they use as an emergency fall-back function!"

     "What the hell just happened to the other Kuyou?" Kyon asked in bewilderment, casting about with a dark expression.  "She just seemed to kind of turn into sparkles and drift away?"

     "I provided an observation of myself that was empty, as my true self was mirrored to memories!" Kuyou replied, pleased at the improved library from her connection with Ryouko.  Communication was rapidly gaining efficiency!  "She attempted to synchronize with it and successfully became nothing, because she didn't understand what I was or how I changed!"

     "See?" Nonoko said brightly.  "I helped!"

     "Yes!" Kuyou agreed.

I was making a few observations on these words, and I feel the need to point out the following with the subtlety of a Master Spark...

First off: why are Kuyou's sentences ending with a exclamation mark? I'm confused by that...

She's picking up personality and behavior bits from Ryouko.  This will be explored more later.

Second:

Blinking her, she gave a polite smile to her copy.  "I will not allow you to harm this human," she told the Other.  "I am in love with him," she added, feeling sudden, deeper understanding of what that concept entailed from Ryouko's memetic library, and applying that meaning to herself more fully than she had before.

    Challenging the disruptive Other, she concluded,  "Sychronize with that!  Activating 'chibi-mode'!"

To point out two things: the bold text is marking what I would consider a error in syntax or something. Wouldn't it be "blinking at her" or something? Sorry if I'm being harsh here, but the Master Spark remark that I made was not a joke.

Just a typo.  I don't know why you would think pointing that out would be harsh....  Mistakes are made; that's why I ask other people for help. ;)

Thanks for catching that one.  This will be in the next update:

Blinking at her double, she offered a polite smile.

And the other thing would be the words that are in italics,, which doesn't quite sound right, in my opinion. Perhaps, as a suggestion, maybe something along the lines of "So, synchronize with that, if you can. Activate 'chibi-mode'!" (I'll admit that the line that I suggested sounded lame)...

Also, you misspelled "Synchronize" as "Sychronize", but that's a minor quibble.

Hmm.  Spelling error.  This was caught by Hal, I think; already corrected in the current draft.

Third, about this...

"Y...you're a fairy person, too, right?  Just like her?"  She pointed to the other entity that Kuyou had focused most of her recent observations.  More than just 'memory', there were the resonant memetics, there.  "Don't you have more power when you don't spend your strength to keep a larger form?  You can trust Nii-san and Achakura to take care of you, even when you're small!"

I actually think that this is very good in terms of the use of the "trust" scenario, just so you know. However, mixing the words "trust" and "humility" into the same scenario, again in my own opinion, might also work, if you want.

Hmm.  I think I like the idea of bringing back the pride thing, but that's more aimed at Kyon than Nonoko.  I think it might work if Haruhi unintentionally brings that up -- Kyon's in a state to interpet things that way, anyway.  Mm, more stress on Kyon.  Poor guy. :x

Finally...

Spoiler: ShowHide

Though she still looked angry, the boy's mother turned to look at the elder Tsuruya in confusion. "You know what's going on here?" she pressed. "What ... foolishness Kyon's gotten himself into? Your daughter called to say that Kyon-kun somehow rescued Nono-chan?"

The green-haired giant nodded slightly, pulling his cigar from his mouth with a frown and tucking it into his coat pocket with a contemplative look. "I would say that Kyon has done his families proud, personally," the man said slowly. "And that this fault is mine -- but, tell me ... when I told you that your son was working as a bodyguard for my daughter, is it that you somehow thought I was only joking?"

The woman worked her jaw in response wordlessly, her eyes shooting wide -- though all she could utter was a surprised, strangled sound.

Her husband moved to her side quickly, taking one of her hands and sending a frightened look at the man. "Y...you're saying that Tsuruya-chan has, er, violent enemies, and ... Kyon-kun actually protects her from them?" he asked. He turned a questioning, worried glance at his son as well.

"No!" her sempai's mother insisted, shaking her head furiously, squeezing her husband's hand for reassurance. "You meant-- Kyon-- As a chaperone and-- Not--" She sputtered incoherently for a moment, then joined her husband in staring at her son.

For his part, Kanae's sempai winced. "On a good day it just means being there," he allowed. "On a bad day...." He shrugged off and gestured to the taller man -- who instantly had all attention on him again.

"I've somehow always thought you understood everything," the man sighed, shaking his head at the boy's parents. "What did you think we were arranging when we engaged our children? Surely you didn't think I would want that just because he made her happy? In that case, she could make her own decisions -- but if she likes him.... Well, he protects her of his own volition and is an admirable ally to our household, so why wouldn't I also want to have him joined to our family?

"A capable, responsible boy who likes my daughter on his own, and not because he comes from the backing of a rival that seeks to undo us?
"I'll admit, I had some doubts when he first helped my daughter, and I was suspicious that he didn't even request money after fighting off a dozen men to save her -- but your son is without a doubt the fastest rising star in my organization. As I say, he has saved my daughter from gave harm -- or worse -- several times," he continued, shaking his head. "I apologize if this is a surprise to you, but your son is quite an asset to us.

"So -- this business, this kidnapping.... Your son has an acquaintance -- you know her as Sasaki, I believe?"

In the silence, Kanae shifted her feet uncomfortably, wondering if her sempai's family had forgotten she and Mikuru were there.

"Er," the boy's mother managed shakily. "Y...yes, what of her? Is she ... too?"

"Nothing like that," the elder Tsuruya said dismissively, shaking his head. "But she's a target by some unlikable people -- last night, Kyon led the mission to rescue her from some unsavory peoples. The blame for Nonoko-chan being in danger is entirely mine; I should have arranged more protection and greater care for the family of my daughter's most valued supporter!"

Clapping his hands together abruptly, the large man made everyone in the room except for himself, her sempai, and the slumbering Nonoko jump -- Kanae was almost embarrassed to realize she had reflexively hugged herself onto Mikuru out of fright. The older girl, naturally, had known she'd need assurance, and had hugged Kanae protectively at the same time -- what a wonderful self-appointed 'big sister!'

With no more warning, the huge man abruptly bowed to Nonoko's parents. "Please accept my apology; rest assured that your son is capable and responsible. My error resulted in danger to your daughter, but your family is capable." He rose from his bow, nodding, and added, "Rest assured, I will assign more forces to watch over your household and family from now on. As this is the only thing Kyon-kun has ever asked of me, personally, it is my obligation to him to see to it!"

"W...what?" Nonoko's mother managed uncertainly, before she stamped one foot, fixing the huge man with a glare. "No-- No! I didn't know about any of this, and--"

She was cut off suddenly by her husband nudging her gently and giving a stern shake of his head. "Akane-chan," he said in warning -- the use of the woman's name prompting his son to blink in surprise, "we may not have understood what we've gotten our son into into, but Kyon-kun certainly does. And he seems to be doing quite well for himself, all told. Now ... let's not ... annoy the man we both work for, alright, Dear?"

Kanae felt a little embarrassed that she was overhearing such things, but didn't really want to move from Mikuru's comforting embrace -- unless, possibly, it was into her sempai's. Judging by Akane's expression, that wasn't the best idea at the moment.

"We can't just leave things like this!" the woman countered with a growl, focusing her attention on her husband. "Until he can make the best decisions for himself, we have to!"

"And considering where that's gotten us...." He left that unfinished, raising his eyebrows and giving her an apologetic look. "We wanted Kyon-kun to grow up to be, um, a reliable, dependable person, and ... it seems he's done that."

"But..." she protested, shaking her head, then turning to look at Tsuruya's father. "He.... This isn't...." She sighed, her anger giving way to a look of worry. "Kyon-kun ... isn't fighting all the time?"

"Thankfully, not very often," the green-haired man agreed, nodding. "Usually, it's tamer stuffs -- like his work negotiating that alliance between us and the Sonozaki-gumi!"

Fortunately, her husband caught her before she crashed to the floor in a faint.

"Hmm," the large figure mused, frowning. "This was a bit rougher than I imagined it, for some reasons...."

"This ... is just a lot to process," the woman's husband mumbled, setting her carefully in one of the seats Mikuru and Kanae had never even gotten around to taking. Heaving a sigh he shook his head and said, "Um ... I'll ... make sure she's calm enough not to overreact and cancel any plans or anything."

"I hate to think of how sad my daughter would be if my mistake jeopardized the future she's been planning," the green-haired man said slowly.

"Y...yes," the harried man agreed, turning to look at his wife morosely. "Um."

Glancing at Kanae's sempai, the green-haired man gave a thoughtful nod and clapped one hand on Akane's husband's back. "Yuuto-kun, why don't we take your wife to another room so she can rest more comfortably?"

"Er, well-- Taking another room would be--"

"No worries! I bought this hospital the last time I was here for Kyon-kun, remember?"

"...right."

After they left, Mikuru released Kanae and heaved a quiet sigh of relief. "Um, Kyon-kun?" she asked worriedly. "Will ... everything be okay?"

"I don't know that this was the best idea," he answered with a sigh. "But ... I sure hope so."

I do believe that, since Akane fainted at the mention of the Sonozaki-gumi, that she knows about them and that, with those very words, she instantly realized that not only did she end up getting her son into the Yakuza by her own actions, but also that her choice to send Kyon to Hinamizawa only served to make things worse, by tying him directly to the Yakuza group that Keiichi is associated with...

Well, the 'gumi' suffix generally means 'gang affiliated,' specifically; this could also be taken as a reveal/confirmation to Akane that her brother is also a ya--Nice Guy. ;D

I do believe that she has officially been Logic Bombed, Brian, and I would like to see how this will affect the SOS-dan's plans to go to Hinamizawa for the Watanagashi festival.

Also, as a strange note, since where was it that said that Akane worked for Tsuruya-sama? Because I don't actually recall that one (though, if it is true, then that would mean that she had made it so that her whole family is essentially tied to the Yakuza, both Tsuruya-sama's and the one that Keiichi is tied to, meaning that her own worst nightmare has become reality, and she can only blame herself for this.)...

Ah, hum.  I don't ... think it was said that Akane worked for Tsuruya-sama?  Kasai was going by her house, since he's worked as the driver and has given her a ride before.

(I'm not worried about spoilers, but the spoiler button makes a convenient way to hide huge blocks of text. ;))

Alright.  I'm going to think on how to work the pride thing in organically. >.>;;

I saw worrisome hints that I made rather a lot of grammatical errors somehow.... >_<

Anyway!  Thank you very much for the commentary! :D