[Haruhi] Precious Moments

[JonBob]

Actual C&C!

Happier thought, at a guess.

Happier thoughts, at a guess.

It's a bit more awkward than I would have liked, and some topics from our past I avoid.

It's a bit more awkward than I would have liked, and I avoid some topics from our past.

At the edge of the crowd, the same person I was just thinking waves a hand over her head,

...just thinking about waves...

The credits roll, and Asahina-san heaves a content sigh.

Just before the credits roll, she straightens herself up

Uh, timing issue? Or is the second part just before the credits finish rolling?

[Brian]

Actual C&C!

Hooray~!

Happier thought, at a guess.

Happier thoughts, at a guess.

Oop.

It's a bit more awkward than I would have liked, and some topics from our past I avoid.

It's a bit more awkward than I would have liked, and I avoid some topics from our past.

I don't think this is actually wrong?  Does just scan badly?

The credits roll, and Asahina-san heaves a content sigh.

Just before the credits roll, she straightens herself up

Uh, timing issue? Or is the second part just before the credits finish rolling?

Yeah, should be finished rolling.

Anyway -- not sure I captured it well.  Haruhi wasn't trying to push Kyon and Mikuru together at the dinner, but is at the movie. >_>;

Thanks for the feedback. :)

[JonBob]

It's a bit more awkward than I would have liked, and some topics from our past I avoid.

It's a bit more awkward than I would have liked, and I avoid some topics from our past.

I don't think this is actually wrong?  Does just scan badly?

A bit, but it is technically correct. Eh, either way works; just pointing out something that might be a change. The "I would" followed by the "I avoid" is a bit repetitive in my version, though...

Anyway -- not sure I captured it well.  Haruhi wasn't trying to push Haruhi and Mikuru together at the dinner, but is at the movie. >_>;

Ah, wasn't sure which parts were intentional. Also, yuri goggles engaged.

[Brian]

Bah, muscle memory betrays me once more.

[GeshronTyler]

Well, I'm glad to see the reunion going fairly well.  I'm wondering of course how much of the "coincedental" pairing of Mikuru and Kyon is concious or subconcious on Haruhi's part.  Since I find it difficult to believe that any of those problems with the reservations were truly accidental/coincidence.  ^_^  I might be influenced by the ending of "Downfall", by the idea that Haruhi and Kyon didn't manage to hit in this "timeline" because Haruhi (and perhaps even Kyon) felt that "someone" was missing.  Love-Triangles don't general work out, so there's probably too much "mind-canon" going into that idea. =P  The fact that Kyon and Haruhi didn't work out, but are still friends, could be a sub-concious realization on Haruhi's part that a potential "goddess" perhaps shouldn't/couldn't focus all that attention on a single person.  In this case, Haruhi might be satisfied being the BFF of a couple she cares for greatly.  Yes, I found Mikuru getting blasted on rum-soaked tiramisu endearing as well.
I'm with JonBob on the potential indentity of Koizumi's fiancee´.  That's probably influence from "K:BDH".  An "organization" that loses its primary reason for existance might well look for a new mission, or it could be part of a long-term plan to secure the continuation of the "organization" in case it's needed in the future.  Just because realitywarping! Haruhi would appear to be quiescent, doesn't mean it will be allways so.  Of course, there's also two other "alien" factions that might be interested in forming a long-term bond/contract in order to keep an eye on Haruhi without being obvious.

Enjoyable, all in all.  Thanks, read you next time.

On a side note, is there a link to a list of the BB-code this site accepts?

[Muphrid]

With the overlap in content from the previous draft of chapter 1, I picked up where that draft left off.

Asahina-san looks wistful for the most-part, and Haruhi -- though I think she's trying to be sneaky about it -- spends a lot of time looking at Asahina-san.  She looks most uncomfortable at the scene where a younger Koizumi carries a younger Asahina-san self into the house.

I think that they're the younger ones is clear from context, and given that Kyon is a bit of a nut about grammar and such, he might say "in which" instead of "where," but really, both of these are incredibly minor points.

You say Haruhi is looking at her, but is it more of a momentary glance at her and back to the screen, or is she taking time to study Asahina's reactions for long stretches, or something in-between?


I do find myself trying to figure out what Koizumi's reasons for not inviting the brigade might be.  Kyon seems to know, but I don't quite have a strong clue yet.

She looks away, drawing in a deep breath and holding it for a moment.  When I'm starting to wonder what she's up to, she expels it with another long sigh, then sets the glass down and almost listlessly slumps against me, worming her way under my arm.

...this is something we occasionally do, but mostly after reminders of the Nagasaki launch.  That could be part of it, but I think it's more than just that right now.

I really like this moment, that they have something they do to cope with those bad memories, something that seems like a holdover from their relationship proper, at that.

"Well, someone screwed up our reservation, then," Haruhi snaps with a glower, her voice rising.

I do wonder if it's actually been screwed up or Haruhi planned this all along to get Kyon and Asahina together.  The fringe possibility isn't too overt, though, given Haruhi's reaction here.

So, separating, feeling a bit adrift, like a discarded booster stage despite the assurances, Asahina-san and I follow our guide through the doorway and into the subdued atmosphere of the restaurant interior.  We've been to a few very nice places, though at a glance, this one is going to hit my wallet like that same discarded booster stage returning to earth!

The rocket similies are especially apt.

Trying to make the most of things as we're seated at a table ... spending time alone like this with Asahina-san is the stuff of some high-school dreams.  Now that it's come to pass, well ... this is not quite how I had envisioned it.

Then again, neither were things with Haruhi, were they?

I spy with my little eye Kyon expressing some regrets over how things have turned out.

"And I'm guessing Mikuru-chan -- like us -- doesn't drink, so Yuki and Koizumi-kun together was more fun," Haruhi adds, smirking.  "Speaking of which, Nagato can really hold her liquor!"

Yuki.

"Now, now," Koizumi counters, shaking his head.  "I haven't had that much, really.  If I'm drunk on anything, it's more cheer than sake!"

Oh man, Koizumi drunk is something to behold.

She shakes her head, putting on a smile that lets me know she's hiding something.  "...some day you might like to go again, right?" she poses.

Some day, Kyon, you might like to go again, but with Haruhi, huh?

"We'll jump off that bridge when we get to it," Haruhi says comfortably, pulling one of Asahina-san's arms across her shoulders, her own arm around the older woman's back.  "Come on, now."  Despite her fussing protests, Asahina-san allows Haruhi to lead her away, pausing only to remark, "Kyon, lend her one of your shirts, huh?"

For a moment, it's unclear that Haruhi must be the one tellling Kyon to get a shirt.

"Ah, right," I realize belatedly, nodding; somehow, the image of them together like that, with Haruhi like a younger sister looking out for Ashina-san....  To Nagato, who looks faintly amused, and Koizumi, who's smirking a bit himself, I apologize, "I'll be back in a moment."

Misspelled Asahina there.

"Of course Nagato's branched out," she chides him, grabbing the smaller woman in a hug, the same way she seized Asahina-san last night.  "Don't you remember her getting more and more into computers before we left high-school?"

Yuki, again.

Her expression twists into a grimace.  "Again!" she exclaims.  "I swear -- it's these screw ups that...."  She huffs a sigh and gives a sharp look at the remaining tickets, sorting through them quickly.  "Great -- one more ticket to the movie I wanted to see, and two tickets to the wrong movie!"

Oh, now this has to be deliberate.

"That's right," Haruhi agrees, her grin slipping for a second as she hands the tickets over to Asahina-san.  "Koizumi-kun, Nagato, let's go grab seats; it'll be harder for the three of us to get good spots than the pair of them, right?"

Yuki.

I'm a bit surprised at Asahina-san switching to the more familiar term of address with me--  I'm used to that from Haruhi and Nagato, but....  Well, I don't mind in the least, but it is a bit unexpected.  Of course, it makes sense that as much as we've changed, she has, too.  This is the more confident Asahina-san(big) that I recall.

Just checking--what particular change in usage is being described here?

Thinking about things a little, it's a small leap of logic to half deduce and half guess: "You're afraid of letting your fiancee meet us, because of what we did in high-school, huh?"

Aha.  This is a pretty sensible motivation.


I think the important thing about this chapter is how Kyon insisted Asahina can find joy for herself, even in this time, and how she does seem to indulge herself a little during the film, cuddling up to him and such.  Haruhi's disquiet still simmers beneath the surface, however.  Overall, the pace of the piece seems right on; once I started it, everything flowed from there on out, so that was very nice.

[Brian]

Yes, I found Mikuru getting blasted on rum-soaked tiramisu endearing as well.

I also wanted the scene with Mikuru getting drunk to be a chance for Haruhi to show her significantly more considerate approach to things. :)

I'm with JonBob on the potential indentity of Koizumi's fiancee´.  That's probably influence from "K:BDH".  An "organization" that loses its primary reason for existance might well look for a new mission, or it could be part of a long-term plan to secure the continuation of the "organization" in case it's needed in the future.  Just because realitywarping! Haruhi would appear to be quiescent, doesn't mean it will be allways so.  Of course, there's also two other "alien" factions that might be interested in forming a long-term bond/contract in order to keep an eye on Haruhi without being obvious.

Well, this will be addressed next chapter. :)

The other thing that was pointed out was -- if Koizumi's fiancee is Sasaki, that means Koizumi's either hiding the reunion from her, or she's avoiding everyone else, neither of which are particularly happy thoughts.  Tsuruya's plausible, but then, he wouldn't have any reason to hide things (and Tsuruya would totally invite them anyway, I'd expect :p).

Enjoyable, all in all.  Thanks, read you next time.

Glad you liked it; thanks for the feedback. :D

On a side note, is there a link to a list of the BB-code this site accepts?

Hmm, I guess not -- but the buttons at the top of the window should show all the options.

[Brian]

I think that they're the younger ones is clear from context, and given that Kyon is a bit of a nut about grammar and such, he might say "in which" instead of "where," but really, both of these are incredibly minor points.

You say Haruhi is looking at her, but is it more of a momentary glance at her and back to the screen, or is she taking time to study Asahina's reactions for long stretches, or something in-between?

Hmm.  How about:

Asahina-san looks wistful for the most-part, and Haruhi -- though I think she's trying to be sneaky about it -- spends a lot of time stealing furtive glances at Asahina-san.  She looks most uncomfortable at the scene in which Koizumi carries Asahina-san into the house.

...this is something we occasionally do, but mostly after reminders of the Nagasaki launch.  That could be part of it, but I think it's more than just that right now.

I really like this moment, that they have something they do to cope with those bad memories, something that seems like a holdover from their relationship proper, at that.

I'm glad that worked; I didn't want to paint Haruhi and Kyon as having too much emotional distance between them, even if there is still that distance Kyon's always going on about.

I do wonder if it's actually been screwed up or Haruhi planned this all along to get Kyon and Asahina together.  The fringe possibility isn't too overt, though, given Haruhi's reaction here.

It could probably come across either way....

The rocket similies are especially apt.

I was afraid I was overdoing them, so that's a relief. :3

"And I'm guessing Mikuru-chan -- like us -- doesn't drink, so Yuki and Koizumi-kun together was more fun," Haruhi adds, smirking.  "Speaking of which, Nagato can really hold her liquor!"

Yuki.

Man, I am terrible about being consistent lately. >_<

Too much time using the K:BDH schema. X_x

Oh man, Koizumi drunk is something to behold.

Koizumi: "I assure you, I'm merely buzzed!"

She shakes her head, putting on a smile that lets me know she's hiding something.  "...some day you might like to go again, right?" she poses.

Some day, Kyon, you might like to go again, but with Haruhi, huh?

She was very careful about what she said there, yeah. >__>

"We'll jump off that bridge when we get to it," Haruhi says comfortably, pulling one of Asahina-san's arms across her shoulders, her own arm around the older woman's back.  "Come on, now."  Despite her fussing protests, Asahina-san allows Haruhi to lead her away, pausing only to remark, "Kyon, lend her one of your shirts, huh?"

For a moment, it's unclear that Haruhi must be the one tellling Kyon to get a shirt.

Mikuru(drunk): "No, take your shirt off, Kyon!  :D"

"We'll jump off that bridge when we get to it," Haruhi says comfortably, pulling one of Asahina-san's arms across her shoulders, her own arm around the older woman's back.  "Come on, now."  Haruhi ignores Asahina-san's fussing protests, leading her away.  My long-time friend pauses only to remark, "Kyon, lend her one of your shirts, huh?"

Oh, now this has to be deliberate.

Yeah, it totally is. XD

I'm a bit surprised at Asahina-san switching to the more familiar term of address with me--  I'm used to that from Haruhi and Nagato, but....  Well, I don't mind in the least, but it is a bit unexpected.  Of course, it makes sense that as much as we've changed, she has, too.  This is the more confident Asahina-san(big) that I recall.

Just checking--what particular change in usage is being described here?

I may drop it because it's kind of unsubtle and difficult to work into a smooth narrative flow.  She's adressing him as 'anata' instead of 'Kyon-kun.'  Of course, translation and etc.....  I suppose something more subtle and less clunky would be to have him remark that she's become comfortable and familiar enough to drop the '-kun'.

Aha.  This is a pretty sensible motivation.

Koizumi: "I didn't want Haruhi to grope my fiancee."
Kyon: "You sure you don't?  I got a looooot of cameras."
Koizumi: "...well, when you put it that way.... <_<;"

I think the important thing about this chapter is how Kyon insisted Asahina can find joy for herself, even in this time, and how she does seem to indulge herself a little during the film, cuddling up to him and such.  Haruhi's disquiet still simmers beneath the surface, however.  Overall, the pace of the piece seems right on; once I started it, everything flowed from there on out, so that was very nice.

Excellent; I had a lot of concerns about pacing, so thank you very much for the feedback (and corrections)!  :D

[Muphrid]

I may drop it because it's kind of unsubtle and difficult to work into a smooth narrative flow.  She's adressing him as 'anata' instead of 'Kyon-kun.'  Of course, translation and etc.....  I suppose something more subtle and less clunky would be to have him remark that she's become comfortable and familiar enough to drop the '-kun'.

Yeah, I thought that's what you were doing, and the reason I wanted to call attention to it was because I know Asahina (big) addresses Kyon that way in Disappearance, for example, so for her, it may not be that big of a change?  But at the same time, when she did that, she wasn't doing it from a position of equals or peers they way she would be doing it now.

[sarsaparilla]

Belated impression on chapter 2, potentially issues that other people have already mentioned because I try to avoid reading other reviews before having written mine, to keep a fresh perspective.

I don't have any technical comments, the pacing feels steady and the dialogue natural. Considering the length of the chapter the reading experience felt surprisingly fast, a sign that the content was captivating. The developments are interesting and the amount of details consistently high. I was particularly amused by Kyon's use of rocketry terms in his similes.

The relatively slow pacing appears completely justified considering that this is a rather detailed character study -- a lot of attention is paid to how the characters have grown during the intervening time. The changes feel believable even when little is known about the exact circumstances that effectuated those chances; we can see that Nagato and Koizumi and different, but still not exactly how different and probably even more importantly, why. I already mentioned that I was interested in learning more about Nagato's situation; this chapter brings Koizumi into focus as well. His reluctance to discuss certain matters inserts another facet of tension into the story.

Then, there is the focal point of this chapter -- the dynamics between Kyon, Haruhi and Asahina. We get to know Kyon's point of view to a large degree if we are to believe that he is predominantly direct and honest with his narration; there haven't been any indication to the contrary. Asahina's motivations can be guessed; after all, she is still more or less the same person that her older variant was in the novels. That leaves Haruhi's intentions as the largest unknown factor. My current hypothesis is that Haruhi likes Kyon and wouldn't be averse to their relationship developing into a romantic one; however, for reasons that are not elaborated at this point she believes that it isn't possible -- they are both just a bit too eager at telling that it didn't work, as if it were a defensive mechanism against a fear that it might work but they just don't know how. It is quite obvious that Haruhi is playing matchmaker for Kyon and Asahina even if it's not as obvious whether Kyon himself notices it or not. So, what is Haruhi's motivation to do it? My guess is that it is an ultimately tragic one; she wants Kyon to be happy and remembering Kyon's high school infatuation for Asahina decides to deny her own feelings and needs in favor of a chance to fulfill those of Kyon. That ... sounds like a recipe for heartbreak, regardless of whichever way it eventually goes, but since you've indicated that there will be an uplifting ending I will take your word for that.

I am sorry that I don't have anything that would amount to constructive criticism at this point.

[Brian]

I don't have any technical comments, the pacing feels steady and the dialogue natural. Considering the length of the chapter the reading experience felt surprisingly fast, a sign that the content was captivating. The developments are interesting and the amount of details consistently high. I was particularly amused by Kyon's use of rocketry terms in his similes.

That's reassuring; when I was writing the similies, I kept thinking they might be heavy-handed and annoying.  But if you and Muphrid both found them generally positive, I probably shouldn't worry so much.

That ... sounds like a recipe for heartbreak, regardless of whichever way it eventually goes, but since you've indicated that there will be an uplifting ending I will take your word for that.

That's one possibile view, but I am striving for a more positive outcome than that. :)

Though, that being said, and understanding that you seem to want to avoid spoilers, I can at least reassure you that it's not going to end with a polyamorous matchup of any sort.

I am sorry that I don't have anything that would amount to constructive criticism at this point.

I appreciate your observations anyway; thank you for taking the time to share them.

[Brian]

Chapter three.  Too worn out to try and be witty.

[Grahf]

Didn't really get a chance to do any C&C on K:BDH, so hopefully I can make up for it here.

For some reason, that thought awakens some of the annoyance I had thought long forgotten....

Repetition of thought here. You might consider dropping the second one in favour of something like "the annoyance that had been long forgotten...."

It does still gnaw at me that I haven't.

Seems like an incomplete sentence. I've said a million times before that I don't have much of an eye for grammar, but this just strikes me as odd. Perhaps adding "told her" or something along those lines.

"If you say so," I agree. It's just another excuse to remain as I have, saying nothing ... but at least for once I can truthfully say it wasn't launched by my own initative!

It does take a lot of work to avoid work. :P

I'm pretty sure something like that is even what I wished for, a Tanabata long ago!

Might read better as "on a Tanabata long ago!", otherwise it sort of looks like Tanabata is a measure of time ... which I guess it kind of is? Anyways.

but you're still with her, so still experience them,

Reads awkwardly. A suggestion would be "you're still with her, so your adventures continue" (I know that sounds like a cheesy Kung-Fu reference or something, but bear with me.)

It was barely even an encounter with the supernatural all

Missing an "at" in front of the all.

so we hed in.

head in.


Well, that's what I managed to find. Not sure if some of it is relevant or just me being strange. In terms of the content itself let me make an addendum to a prior comment: if Mikuru is still the Queen of Lightweights then Kyon is still King of Obliviousness.

It's nice to see what ways everyone has changed over the years; Yuki especially is full of pleasant surprises. Also, I never would have pegged that Haruhi could be slightly agoraphobic, or perhaps it's just rather specifically agoraphobic. Given some thought on it though I can see how she might have picked up that fear.

Anyways, no real complaints in terms of how the story is developing. I'm curious as to how much you'd say there's left to cover, although there's no rush to a conclusion necessary either.

[Brian]

Didn't really get a chance to do any C&C on K:BDH, so hopefully I can make up for it here.

No complaints from me!

For some reason, that thought awakens some of the annoyance I had thought long forgotten....

Repetition of thought here. You might consider dropping the second one in favour of something like "the annoyance that had been long forgotten...."

Just omitted the first instance.

It does still gnaw at me that I haven't.

Seems like an incomplete sentence. I've said a million times before that I don't have much of an eye for grammar, but this just strikes me as odd. Perhaps adding "told her" or something along those lines.

Mmm, I think this one is okay from context.

"If you say so," I agree. It's just another excuse to remain as I have, saying nothing ... but at least for once I can truthfully say it wasn't launched by my own initative!

It does take a lot of work to avoid work. :P

Huh, I forgot to spellcheck. :|

Will take care of that and have a new revision posted tonight.

Might read better as "on a Tanabata long ago!", otherwise it sort of looks like Tanabata is a measure of time ... which I guess it kind of is? Anyways.

Both could work, but I'll go with your suggestion.

but you're still with her, so still experience them,

Reads awkwardly. A suggestion would be "you're still with her, so your adventures continue" (I know that sounds like a cheesy Kung-Fu reference or something, but bear with me.)

"Then there's that....  It feels in some ways, that the adventure in our lives left, but it went with Suzumiya-san.  Naturally, since you're still with her, you still experience those adventures, though," Koizumi muses.

I used the comments I didn't reply to individually.

Well, that's what I managed to find. Not sure if some of it is relevant or just me being strange. In terms of the content itself let me make an addendum to a prior comment: if Mikuru is still the Queen of Lightweights then Kyon is still King of Obliviousness.

It's nice to see what ways everyone has changed over the years; Yuki especially is full of pleasant surprises. Also, I never would have pegged that Haruhi could be slightly agoraphobic, or perhaps it's just rather specifically agoraphobic. Given some thought on it though I can see how she might have picked up that fear.

Anyways, no real complaints in terms of how the story is developing. I'm curious as to how much you'd say there's left to cover, although there's no rush to a conclusion necessary either.

Thanks for the feedback.  I want to paint Kyon as more distracted than totally oblivious, but....  Yeah.

I had a lot of fun with Yuki's changes.  Next chapter should bring a bit more focus onto Koizumi, since the museum was his idea.

Alright -- thanks again!

[Muphrid]

I wanted to do something more in-depth for this like I'd done elsewhere, but to make things easier for me, I've tried to separate purely mechanical observations from the more content-oriented ones.  The former are first:

Spoiler: ShowHide

Preparing myself for the worst, I pour us glasses of water, and at the sound of a piteous whine, give Shamisen some food.  I guess he's been a little annoyed at the extra noise and traffic through his domain lately?

Maybe "...water and, at the sound..."  Basically, moving the comma to avoid it looking like another independent clause is coming?  Not sure if that's just me, though.

Koizumi spreads his arms in a shrug, shaking his head gently.  "Nothing," he admits.  "Things were calming down in our third year of high-school, and that only progressed.  There was a single instance of closed space that year -- the last one, to the best of my knowledge.

You've started hyphenating high school here, though later on ("high-school classmate") is probably safe.

"Well--  Considering things, my choices felt like they were to either admire ... or resent her," Koizumi says carefully.  "I chose the one that seemed best at the time....  But looking back and meeting her now, I realize I can look at her as a friend.  There's no longer that worrisome hint of coersion or need."

Coercion.

"My sympathies," Koizumi says with a wince.  "I hadn't meant to open an old wound; if my advice on the subject is welcome, it would probably be best to let the current activities play out as they have been so far."

Koizumi's use of the phrase echoes exactly what Kyon just said to him a few lines before.  If this is intentional, I think it's good--maybe you could even call attention to that if you wanted to.

"If you say so," I agree.  It's just another excuse to remain as I have, saying nothing ... but at least for once I can truthfully say it wasn't launched by my own initative!

Initiative.

"My role in things in the second year was downplayed, for the mostpart.  Though, since we're on the subject ... I met the older Asahina-san at that time.  Would you know if that's something she's done yet, from her perspective?"

Most part.

Well....  That's probably entirely true.  Even if it was only a week, there were two months of training before we were allowed up.  Not that we had a problem with that; even the training could be made into an awareness-raising exercise.  And the photographs taken there, while not anything ground breaking, are some of my favorites.

Maybe "ground-breaking"?

Before we can reminisce further, the door explodes open, Haruhi gleefully leading the way, her arms loaded down with bags.  "Okay!" she cheers, Asahina-san peeking in nervously behind her and offering a shy smile.  Nagato is at Haruhi's side, looking ambivelant to being hauled along with the energetic rocket scientist.

Ambivalent.

Well, I guess that could be worse....  Usually it's more for children, but I can see Haruhi's not about to let her sense of fun be thwarted, is she?  It certainly seems harmless enough, so why not?

"It's" seems to refer to the yukata; maybe "they're" instead?

The amount of expendable income an adult has versus a teenager is sometime staggering.  It pains me to think what I'd done in terms of trying to save up money when I was younger, compared to how much I can practically throw away for a decent camera these days!

Sometime -> sometimes?

Well, that's fine, then.  After Nagato's pictures, Haruhi poses for a few herself, and then it's Asahina-san's turn.  "I'm a bit jealous that she's still so good looking after all this time," Haruhi remarks once I lower the camera.  "Don't you think she'll make a lovely bride?"

I remember thinking something like that in high-school, yes -- frequently jealously realizing it wouldn't be me....  Asahina-san's blush intensifies at that compliment from Haruhi, though, and she looks mildly uncomfortable.  Well, I guess that's a reminder to her that she's not supposed to seek out that kind of relationship, according to her bastard superiors.

I've tried not to pick on adverbs, particularly as I've found myself using them more, but "frequently jealously" seems a little clumsy?  I'm not sure what could be done about it, though, other than removing one word (which then means that aspect is lost).  You could do "I remember thinking something like that frequently in high school, yes -- and I realized with envy that the man to marry her wouldn't be me."  Actually, this points out a problem with how the paragraphs work together: while I didn't realize it at first, Kyon must be saying he's not the one to make Asahina his bride, but that's not the question Haruhi posed to him, so for a moment, one might think Kyon is saying he wouldn't be a lovely bride?  (Oh boy.)

That last part is so subtle, though--as I said, I didn't realize that they were constructed that way until trying to address the point about the chained adverbs.

While my mind should probably be on the fun we're having, arriving at a late enough hour that most of the children are gone, it instead wanders.  Taking pictures is a mostly subconscious habit at this point, so I don't really have to think about it, just snapping shots that I expect will surprise me when I review them later.

Perhaps "...it, just snapping..." -> "...it.  I just snap..."

I had once proudly refered to that fact as my 'trump card,' something I could use in defense of my friends should it be needed.  It had even crossed my mind to play it against Kimidori for Nagato's benefit ... but in the end, that hadn't even been needed.

Referred.

Did I do something wrong?  It must have been how distracted I was, dampening the mood....

I think this is probably fine, but every time I see the word "dampen" I think of someone lambasting the Star Trek people for "inertial dampeners" (which make inertia wet) versus "inertial dampers" (which reduce inertia).  Just a random thought.

I sit up before Shamisen can try and make himself comfortable again and eye my roommate blearily.  It's easy to succumb to the desire to grouse about coffee, or make some dry, joking comment about how early she's woken me up--  But I'm not like an astronaut, needing a constant supply of snark to sustain me in a harsh envrionment I could not otherwise withstand; I can set that aside when I'm troubled.

Environment.

Being an independant journalist, I've at least had a chance to look at various forms of reporting.  There was a thought in my mind at one point that I could try war reporting, as it was something I hadn't done, but after Nagasaki, Haruhi and I had both seen enough unpleasantness to have limited interest in the idea.

Independent.

There was nothing at the festival that really compelled me to share in an article, and as far as the food we ate -- I'm not a restaraunt reviewer, or critic, or even an amateur gourmand.  Sure, I can complain about almost anyone's cooking, but that's not the point.

Restaurant.

Still, it had been a few days since I'd written anything at all, and I was starting to get a restless itch that even the pleasant distraction of a reunion couldn't quite overcome.  I tend to think of and describe myself as lazy, but I don't want to get in the habit of not doing work at all!  But what can I really do?  This is supposed to be a relaxing vacation.

Once we gathered at the train station before Koushien stadium, I can at least smother it beneath my own interest in the upcoming game, and the better proximity of those we were visiting with.  The meeting place is naturally the covered area outside the train station nearest the stadium.

Tenses seem confused here.  To be consistent with the prevaling present tense, possibly "It has been a few days" and "Once we gather"?

Naturally, since it's early in the season, this isn't an interleague game; his team is playing elsewhere.  For myself, I'm wearing a Hanshin Tigers' T-shirt, same as Haruhi--  Asahina-san looks a little embarassed when she shows up and realizes she's the only one to wear a soft pink blouse without any mascot at all.

Embarrassed.

She clears her throat softly, her voice a bit less steady than it usually is when she turns to Asahina-san and adds, "The bear is in good condition ... owned less than twenty four hours."

Twenty-four.

If I didn't know Haruhi better, the veneer of false cheer she presents would convince me she weren't still struggling a bit, so we hed in.  We pause briefly because I have to visit the trinket stalls and buy both a hat and a small Tigers' mascot for Nagato.  Technically Asahina-san, but....

"hed" -> "head"

I wonder if this is the same section Haruhi went to last time?  We're behind the foul line on the left of home plate, and she keeps glancing to a spot opposite us -- behind the foul line to the right, so I suppose that might be where she was.

I'm not sure of the terminology in Japan, but I would typically describe this as on the third-base side or on the first-base side.  Then again, Kyon using simple left and right may be the best for everyone, including people unfamiliar with baseball.

So we chat for a bit before putting any music on; Nagato actually takes advantage of Haruhi being a bit rattled by the game to insist that it's her turn to pay for something.  After that, we order drinks and even though it's probably overpriced, a reasonable meal of sanwiches and unhealthy junk food.  Somehow, that reminds me of Nagato's approach to cooking, as well....

Sandwiches.

Haruhi has to dig through the song selection for a while before she finds a karaoke version of an ENOZ song she approves of, but follows Yuki up flawlessly--  Before Asahina-san takes a turn, Koizumi and I are coerced into a duet.

Nagato.

Well, even lacking confidence, I give it my best -- this or a pop song, both are nearly as alien to me as the vacuum of space!  I spit out the lyrics and try not to think of anything but the music, like a satellite with a broken reciever broadcasting to the world below.

Receiver.

"Aah," Asahina-san manages, sniffling.  "That--  That was very well done, Kyon-kun!" she says insistantly, dabbing at her eyes.  "Wasn't that from a movie?"

Insistently.

It was, wasn't it?  A happier one, too, in my opinon.

Opinion.

"Ah, no," Asahina-san says, jolted from her reviere.  "I--  I couldn't ever become a celebrity!  I-it's impossible to imagine my name becoming famous!" she insists, shaking her head quickly.  Still ... I can see she's smiling, her cheeks glowing at the praise.

Reverie.

Now, a summary of what I picked up and observations about the content:

Spoiler: ShowHide

Koizumi explains what happened to the Organization and the course he's taken after high school, saying that he feels like that time is almost surreal.  He admits that he had an attraction to Haruhi and that he thought she and Kyon would become a couple.  Kyon considers whether it's time to tell Haruhi the truth, now that she's put aside her melancholy and can handle it, but he's unsure whether to do that and risk upsetting things in a way that would make her unhappy.  Their conversation goes to Koizumi's fiancee, Koizumi's career path, how Kyon has taken a lot of the excitement of their lives with him, going to space and such.  They don't seem to actually get to Koizumi's fiancee by the time Haruhi bursts in with yukata for them all to change into.

Once changed, Kyon gets a cab while the girls finish, Kyon ponders a bit how much more money he has available to spend as an adult, and Haruhi playfully sticks him with the cab fare.  When they arrive at the festival, Kyon studies Haruhi's yukata more closely, and then Nagato and Asahina's as well.  Kyon's description of how Asahina looks in particular is reminiscent of how his younger self would wax poetic over her beauty, so that seems very apt.

The topic turns to romance for Haruhi and then for Nagato, who claims she's married to her work, that she's tried and doesn't find it quite so fulfilling.  This is a neat way of having her express her philosophy and what she's trying to do in life (and the extra layer of realizing what she's actually talking about, at that), and it's nice to see Nagato genuinely happy, regardless of how she goes about it.  Haruhi accepts this but insists Asahina will make a lovely bride...which Asahina doesn't rule out, despite Kyon thinking that she has restrictions in place. 

The group moves on through the festival, and Kyon takes some snapshots.  They all play games and watch a performance, and Kyon thinks back on Haruhi's remark about Asahina as a bride and how he thought he would be the one to make Haruhi a bride.

This goes into a scene where Kyon recounts how he and Haruhi began to date--in particular, Haruhi was the one to start it, in a fairly casual, "We should date" -> "Sure, I like you; I'll do that." thing.  It's rather funny how nonchalant this scene is (Haruhi's excitement notwithstanding).  Kyon actually remarks on how this didn't require any initiative from him.  Kyon remembers how the last supernatural thing he encountered was Nagato being granted freedom from the Entity, how Haruhi had no part in this and he'd not told her about any of it.  Kyon has wondered about telling her, about why she shouldn't be able to find all those things instead of making herself into the person she is today, but Kyon shied away from that, despite all his faith in her, in fear that such a revelation would upset what they'd built together, and very quickly, their time dating ended without ever getting very far.  So we see that that fear of upsetting what they do have has yet to fully fade, even though it cost him a chance at something more.  It's still the case even now, as seen earlier when he was talking with Koizumi.

Kyon's thoughts go back to the present, where his brooding has spoiled some of the atmosphere during the fireworks.  Haruhi insists they all take the yukata to remember the festival by, with a special and pointed glance at Kyon.  Kyon gives Nagato the bear he won earlier, prompting a reaction he can't quite read at the time.  Haruhi asks Kyon for copies of his photos for herself, and eventually a remark from Kyon about how they all can't be rocket scientists seems to stick with her for a moment, and Kyon thinks maybe he should ask her what's been weighing on her, or that if only he'd made a different choice in the past.

Haruhi sneaks to her room before Kyon can follow up, however, and disquiet keeps Kyon up printing photos and disturbs what little sleep he can find.  Haruhi actually wakes him, and Kyon resists the temptation to deflect her concern with snark.  They talk about the bear and how Haruhi thinks he should've given it to Asahina (this sounds a bit like Higurashi).  Kyon realizes he's been moping a bit, and Haruhi says that she has to try to resist falling back into old, bad habits, how she used to be with the Brigade before, particularly how she was with Kyon.  Kyon encourages her not to hold herself to inhumanly high standards, and this seems to cheer Haruhi up, but Kyon wonders a bit if things are really resolved.

Kyon waxes for a bit on the nature of sports and reporting as a prelude to the baseball game.  Haruhi encourages Kyon to buy Asahina some apparel when she shows up without anything particular to a team.  There's some trading around for stuffed mascots and bears and Kyon buys Asahina a hat.  Nagato seems to have a crush on a player, priceless!  As they sit, Haruhi stares a bit in the direction of where she may have sat for that game long ago, and as soon as the game is over, Haruhi leads them out to karaoke.

After Kyon does a solo performance, Haruhi encourages Asahina to sing, despite a shaky voice.  In particular,

Haruhi snatches it before it hits the ground like a crashing rocket.  "It's no problem," she insists, pressing the microphone back into Asahina-san's.  "Deep breath, relax, and we'll sing together; pretend that there's no one else here but you and m--  No one but you and one other person," she instructs, one arm going around Asahina-san's side supportively.

Ah, Haruhi, we love you for your total lack of subtlety.

Asahina puts on a stunning performance with Haruhi to help her get started.

As they head home, Kyon reflects on the day, on how much Haruhi pushed herself to do something fun for everyone, on how she and Asahina found some common ground in the karaoke parlor.  He carries Haruhi to their apartment while she sleeps, but Haruhi wakes up after and asks to sleep beside him, in her words, for "one last time."  What could she mean by that?  Is Haruhi resolved, then, that she should never ask that of him again?  At any rate, Kyon agrees.


Overall, there's a lot of focus on Haruhi's struggle to do things for others while herself being somewhat unhappy or ill at ease, despite Kyon's encouragements.  The conversation between her and Kyon in the middle of the chapter definitely stabilized her, but it realisticially feels like just enough to get her through the day, as opposed to a conclusive airing out of what's between them.  And that's probably best, because it feels early to have that all just cleared away.  Still, Kyon seems no closer to coming to a decision on what to tell her--whether to tell the secret he's been holding or to put it to bed and decide that he's really content.  He's still stuck in the middle--arguably, as much as Haruhi seems to be.