038.5 Jaela and the peace of everyday life

[Corwin]

[19:37] <Kotono> Finding a private place to talk is easy. Jaela's quarters suffice, the two women heading into there. Mirima goes to sit in one of the chairs there, waiting on Jaela a moment.
[19:40] * Jaela taps her hip in agitation as the silence goes on, before shaking her head. "Fuck it. I can't find a nice way to ask. Why couldn't you trust in me?"
[19:44] <Kotono> Mirima gives Jaela a long look, "Excuse me?" Her voice is silent a few moments, "We sleep together, begin to form a relationship and then Annalise comes back, so you tell me you need space to figure that out. You toss me aside for her again and I'm supposed to be there for you anyway?"
[19:47] * Jaela takes a deep breath and calms herself down by force. "That's not how it was. I know it's how it looked. But I told you it's not how it was, and you should've trusted me. It was over between Annalise and me. I wasn't tossing you aside. If I were, would I go to you in the first place?"
[19:51] <Kotono> "You think I don't know how this goes?" Mirima laughs, a rather humorless sound, "The games of drama we played to pass the time, but one of many variations of them."
[19:55] <Jaela> "Don't group me with whoever else you might know," Jaela says, shaking her head. "And of course her return caused this. But not the way you think. Before that, I figured we would have time to figure out how it can work. But then here she was, and I knew it'd be hard on me and I didn't want to use you. I didn't want to put you through some shitty rebound relationship. Since there wasn't any chance to take our time, I wanted to do it for the right reasons."
[19:59] <Kotono> "Ah yes, spare my feelings by using me and leaving me behind. Plunder a woman's sacred treasures and then leave her - for her own good." Her eyes narrow a little bit, "You sound like a bard. You didn't want to use me, even after I slept with you? I can hardly think of a more open way of saying that I wanted to be with you, and that it wasn't using you."
[20:07] <Jaela> "No. Just no. You can be angry all you like, but you don't get to be indignant about plunderings after coming on to me repeatedly. What exactly were you thinking? We'll have sex and the rest will take care of itself? So we did. But what happened then is that my life got messed up and you were too insecure to be there for me and wait for me. And for the life of me, I don't get why. Do I come across so scummy that I'd just toss you aside?"
[20:12] <Kotono> "It means," Tossing her hair and leaning to the side in her chair, "That at least you wouldn't leave me days later. Insecure!? You're the one who left me and still wanted me to support you!"
[20:19] <Jaela> "I gave away my soul for you. I had fifty-fifty odds of fighting my way through that trap and escaping, but because you were there, I didn't risk it. You think I'd do that if I went there with Ithea?" She grimaces. "When it was going on, everyone wanted something from me to stay by my side. I wasn't even thinking straight. All I wanted was to take a step back from everything and for someone to fucking be there for me simply because I was falling apart! Not because I'd sleep with them or kill someone for them or anything like that."
[20:24] <Kotono> "And all I wanted was for you not to throw me away lik ethat," Mirima retorts back, fire coming to her voice, "I wonder why you were alone? Was it because you isolated yourself?"
[20:26] <Jaela> "I'll be sure to ask!" Jaela snaps. "I know plenty of people treated that shitty experience as some family drama that didn't concern them. And since I'm asking, where were you when I was almost killed by Annalise? People I never fucking met came to visit me, but the one person I was waiting for never showed!"
[20:28] * Jaela scowls. "You know what that made me think? That the only thing you were interested in me for was sex, and not companionship."
[20:30] <Kotono> "I have responsibilities to the Graceful Blow," Mirima's voice is even, despite passion leaking into it, infecting it more with each word, "I wasn't aware of it immediately. I was seeing to Misalea's training so that there isn't another tragedy, and ensuring we can pull our load when battles come. Seeing to people who don't push me away," She adds, gesturing. At this point her voice is a shout, "Oh, so this was just about sex now, was it?"
[20:31] <Jaela> "So you couldn't spare five fucking minutes?!"
[20:35] <Kotono> "Why?" Gesturing broadly now, "It took you less to toss me aside, all for my own good!"
[20:45] <Jaela> Once more, Jaela finds herself calming down. She sags down on her bed, facing Mirima. "Not just yours. It was mine, too. My reasons were pretty shitty, too, objectively, but at least I didn't set out to hurt you. Can you say the same? Things were crashing around me, and I wasn't even sure we wanted the same thing. I wanted someone who'd be with me through everything. What did you want? You said one thing, but the way you acted seemed to say another thing entirely. I really couldn't deal with that while trying to save Annalise's soul and keep the Crusade from taking on a rift when my mother left. If I realized how much it'd hurt you when I did it, I wouldn't. But that's hindsight, and I didn't have it at the time." She looks sad, and asks, "What do you want out of this, Mirima? Me? Would you still want me if some devil crippled me like the Old Man and I could barely move? If I got scarred? If I got myself cast out, and lost my confidence and that aura of command you said you liked so much?"
[20:47] <Kotono> Mirima stops. She cuts off a retort on the tip of her tongue. Closing her eyes, she inhales and exhales. A slow, steady pattern. Fists falling up and then letting go, Mirima goes to sit deeply back in her chair. She holds up her hand, "A moment."
[20:48] * Jaela leans back on her hands, giving her the time she needs.
[20:54] <Kotono> Minutes pass, slowly Mirima's color returning to normal. When at last she speaks, it is with calmness. "What I want from you is a passionate relationship. Or what I wanted...right now, I just don't know. I thought we were going to have a nice conversation, not a fight."
[21:00] <Jaela> "It's good to have fights," Jaela finally says, herself needing a bit of time to think. "It means we're honest with each other. Honesty and trust. That's what I want, Mirima. Passion... I just don't know. I like you, but I don't like myself much right now. So I guess it's up to you if you want to invest any time and effort in me or not."
[21:12] <Kotono> "If you don't love yourself, loving another is doomed to fail. What that means is that you need to make your heart right. All that loathing is like poison gnawing at your heart." Mirima gestures with her hand, "Be wary. I can help with that, but the ultimate purification comes from within."
[21:14] <Jaela> "I guess it will. Eventually." Jaela sighs. "I can't get anywhere without having a fight with my mother, too."
[21:18] <Kotono> "Then go settle things with her first," Mirima says, "The longer you put that off, the more it festers."
[21:20] <Jaela> "I was going to," Jaela says upon standing up. "I was hoping she'd chase me for a change, but why would she change her spots now." She takes Mirima's hands in her own. "If I ever hurt you, it's because I'm being stupid and not for any other reason. I need you to believe in me."
[21:22] <Kotono> "For your sake, I'll believe in you and that you'll come back here after making up with your mother," Mirima says, "We'll start there."
[21:26] * Jaela isn't sure what to do, and ends up settling for squeezing Mirima's hands before she is off. Hanna's room is the first destination on her mind.
[21:30] <Kotono> On knocking on the door you get no reply.
[21:30] <Jaela> She hoped it wouldn't be necessary, but.... "Elena," Jaela says tiredly. "Where is Hanna right now?"
[21:31] <Kotono> Elena so appears! She clears her throat, "Somewhere that needs privacy for a little bit," Elena replies primly, "Do you really want to know that badly? If you wait a half hour or so, you could find her without any unpleasantness."
[21:34] * Jaela is pretty much stumped. "Yeah, I'm not gonna just barge in. Who is it?"
[21:35] <Kotono> "Who is it?" Elena repeats, curiously blinking. "Who is what?"
[21:37] * Jaela pinches the bridge of her nose. "Let's not play games today, please? The way you said it sounded like she's living it up with some guy. So is she? Because I was hoping we would both be miserable."
[21:39] <Kotono> "NO!" Blushing and waving her hands, "NO!" Stepping back from Jaela, "She's doing something private, that's all. It doesn't mean she's making another Jaela! I just don't want to spoil her privacy...and if you really have to know, she asked me not to tell anyone where she was, since she wanted that privacy."
[21:40] <Jaela> "If that were how you said it, we wouldn't need to see you blush now. Thanks, Elena. I'll wait."
[21:41] <Kotono> Stomping her foot and cutely pouting, "And if you didn't have a dirty mind, you wouldn't have come to that conclusion!"
[21:41] <Jaela> "Sure, blame it on me." Jaela sits down and pats the spot by her side. "Want to wait along with me?"
[21:43] <Kotono> Elena does just that, dressed normally today. "Morniel'll be looking for all of you a little later. He's just going back and forth with the plane shifts and magic and sendings. He's so busy whenever he drops back in here. I talked to him for a minute, and apparently he's bouncing between audiences and courts like a bee to flowers."
[21:44] <Jaela> "And loving every minute of it, I bet." Jaela snorts. "He's great, though don't tell him I said that."
[21:45] <Kotono> "He never looks tired or upset about it," Elena says, "I think he enjoys it. Galariel's certain of it."
[21:46] <Jaela> "It's important to have a calling that you like."
[21:47] <Kotono> "Yeah." Elena rests against the wall and sighs gustily, less a sign and more of just a long exhale. She's smiling at the end, "So is your new friend mute, or does she simply not talk?"
[21:48] <Jaela> "It's some kinda vow," Jaela responds, relaxing in Elena's presence. "Priest's told me she has a beautiful voice when she sings. Be sure to show up for service tomorrow and see for yourself?"
[21:50] <Kotono> "Okay," Elena replies, "These times are nice. No battles right now, just people living their lives. It reminds me of the first time around."
[21:51] <Jaela> "Oh. It's pretty horrible for me."
[21:55] <Kotono> "Oh, stop that. I mean the peace of everyday life and Aurora being full of life," Elena says, "I know your social life is as bleak as a dragon's graveyard right now, but even then it'll get better. Just these gentle, happy days versus the days of travel and war."
[21:56] <Jaela> "War's all I'm good at, sorry."
[21:59] <Kotono> Thwap! Elena's fist hits the back of Jaela's head, and smiling, "Are we done pitying ourselves yet?"
[22:02] * Jaela smiles back at her. "You think it's about getting dumped? I had time to get over that. It's just this pesky knowledge that I don't have it in me to try and reform anyone ever again. I'm probably the only one who cares about it to begin with, but it was a pretty important part of me."
[22:04] <Kotono> "I do remember that time with Sylvie and 21," Elena murmurs, "I'm no philospher about good and evil, but I don't think a quest for revenge is the best place for that. I just..." Pausing a few moments, "I wouldn't have minded if you got through to Annalise." Shrugging, "Sir Medi would tell you to get up and try again, but he never gave up. Even when he was dying he refused to let the fiends have Med-er, Aurora."
[22:07] <Jaela> "Sir Medi didn't have to deal with failure and special snowflakes, I bet." Jaela shrugs. "I'm not really doing this for revenge, you know. I want to save those still imprisoned and I want to free the world. Hunting down every single devil responsible? That's more Afina's thing, or Ithea's. I'll help out however I can, but it's not really my drive."
[22:07] <Kotono> "He failed at times, but he always kept trying. Sir Medi WAS a special snowflake, as you so put it. " Listening to the rest, "What is your drive, then?"
[22:08] <Jaela> "Well, then it sucks that I've failed every time and that I'm not one." She snorts, shaking her head at Elena. "You just heard it, except it's in past tense now."
[22:10] <Kotono> "Mmm." A short silence at that, "So what do you do after Aurora wins, now?"
[22:12] <Jaela> "Once duty's been fulfilled? The Triune has been the one to support me throughout, so whatever she wishes until I'm finally allowed to die or something like that."
[22:13] <Kotono> "Aren't you going to live forever?" Elena asks.
[22:13] <Jaela> "That was when I actually had goals."
[22:15] <Kotono> "What about your afterlife, then?" Elena asks, "How's that work for you?"
[22:15] <Jaela> "I figure if the Triune is pleased with my service, I'll just ask her to destroy me when it's my time."
[22:16] <Kotono> "Hold that thought a moment, I'm being summoned," Elena says, winking away.
[22:16] * Jaela waves at her, calling, "Have fun," after Elena.
[22:22] <Kotono> A few moments later Elena pops back into being. "Adrian needed to know where Simmer is. Anyway," Going on from that, "Aren't you a pile of sunshine and good hopes. I thought angels were about life and happiness, not about miserably trudging along and hoping to unexist."
[22:23] <Jaela> "I actually thought about that," Jaela agrees. "If we're literally part goodness and sunshin and hope, then doesn't it mean we can lose a part of ourselves if something fucks us up?"
[22:24] <Kotono> "I don't know. Maybe you need a refill on hope and sunshine?" Elena says with a small smile.
[22:24] * Jaela tilts her head. "I bet the Fallen don't have any good in them but leftovers. I'm pretty sure I'm running empty on hope for the future. I just came to ask Hanna if she felt sorry about that, at least."
[22:27] <Kotono> "You know, you sound more like a depressed fallen angel than an angel," Elena says, eyes widening a bit, "...could that happen to you?"
[22:28] <Jaela> "Probably not."
[22:30] <Kotono> "That-" Elena scowls, "Hold on, someone needs to know where someone is again." With that she vanishes anew.
[22:31] <Jaela> "No sociopathic tendencies," Jaela promises, tapping her armor over her heart as Elena disappears.
[22:32] <Kotono> Elena's gone a minute or two. As this stretches on, Jaela can hear footsteps approaching.
[22:32] * Jaela looks in their direction.
[22:33] <Kotono> Hanna approaches. Her axe is slung over her shoulder, hints of snow and ice clinging to her shoulders and hair, slowly melting down.
[22:34] * Jaela blinks, but remains seated.
[22:38] <Kotono> Walking up to Jaela and finally looking down at her, there's a silent pause. "C'mon," she offers her free hand up, "I can guess why you're here. Let's go inside. I'll fix you up something to drink."
[22:38] * Jaela eyes that hand for a bit, but eventually reaches up for it.
[22:41] <Kotono> Hanna's grip is strong, pulling Jaela up. Once inside her room you find she's added a large wooden table and chairs, taking up much of the space. The table is polished smooth cherrywood, decorated with silver candleholders. Hanna goes to a series of bottles, "Warmed cider," she decides, fixing up a glass and bringing it to Jaela. Once passed to her she takes a seat at the table, "How are
[22:41] <Kotono> you?" she starts with that, hands resting together on the table.
[22:43] <Jaela> "Still depressed," Jaela responds, drinking her cider as she sits down at the table opposite her.
[23:00] <Kotono> "I can see that," Hanna says, "Doing what has to be done is hard."
[23:00] <Jaela> "It was surprisingly easy. Agreeing that it has to be done? There's your hard part."
[23:02] <Kotono> Hanna's silent a bit, looking down. After a few moments of just staring off, "Jaela, let's leave for a few days. There's places we can go, places that will help your heart and pain heal. I promised you we'd go."
[23:07] <Jaela> "I was looking for a strong enemy to kill me after Lifasa fell," Jaela tells her mother bluntly. "I had no hope for the future. None. Annalise changed all that for me, strangely enough." She pauses for a moment, sipping more of her cider. "And because I assumed responsibility over her, the code that I follow became more than just empty words I wasn't sure I still believed in anymore, after all that's happened to us. I thought that if I gave it a try and did something that seemed impossible but was a good thing however you looked at it, I could better myself and maybe, just maybe, change the multiverse for the better as well." She places the ring she reforged with the Triune's help on the table between them. "We can go wherever you think we should go. We can talk as much as you want to. But I need you to understand how much what I was doing mattered to me, first. I need you to understand what you took for me just because I made a few bad moves along with a lot of right ones, instead of helping me like you promised when you first came to the Aurora."

[Corwin]

[19:33] <Kotono> "Jaela..." Hanna closes her eyes here, going silent. For a time this lingers, "You don't understand, do you? It hurt me inside, but I never stopped helping you. Sometimes a mother helping her child is doing what has to be done, no matter how much it hurts both of them."
[19:36] <Jaela> "I understand that it hurt you. But you forced me, and now you just have to live with the consequences." Jaela snorts. "Don't worry. I'm not going to ever try again. I got that message loud and clear." She gestures at the table. "Keep the ring. It would mean something to me. We were going somewhere?"
[19:40] <Kotono> "Jaela." Hanna takes the ring, before looking at her. It's a long, hard look, one with an open tiredness. "Grow up." Sliding the ring back to her. "Oh, woe is me. I'll never do this again. Rip off the wings and go cower in some Gods forsaken hole in Creation. Let me tell you something - if failing is enough to make you forsake your dreams, you won't ever achieve a single one of them. You
[19:40] <Kotono> may as well pack it in and go mope somewhere."
[19:44] <Jaela> "You're serious? You think I failed?" Jaela shakes her head. "More like I was forced to give up. You think this is something I can do conditionally? Try, but only as long as you approve, and if you don't think I can you'll threaten to leave again unless I give up once more?"
[19:51] <Kotono> "Jaela." Pushing her hands on to the table, "She tried to damn you. She would have had you believe your soul would go screaming to Orcus! She constantly manipulated you and Aurora, left when she didn't get what she wanted, and acted like the Queen Bitch of the world!" Leaning forward over the table, "Look at what she did to you. If that's her version of love, did she deserve your love? Did
[19:51] <Kotono> she ever show a scrap of pentience? Anything at all beyond that and constantly tugging at you to fall down with her?"
[20:00] <Jaela> "You're asking if I should've been with her. And no, that really was a mistake." Jaela sighs. "I said I made mistakes. Falling for her wasn't one, but acting on it was. I guess I was still pretty messed up at the time, but that's just an excuse. So no. Getting back together with her after what happened would've been beyond dumb. But that aside, I believe she could have been saved. No, she didn't deserve that either, but no one ever does. I told you that I thought that, once. If she'd shown a hint of regret, I wouldn't have done what I did, so you're right about that too. But I was sure she would because I had faith in myself. But you just couldn't see past my problems and the mistakes I made, and you decided to support me by crushing that faith. So yes, tell me to grow up all you want. I think I did." She looks back at Hanna. "Do you really think I'm whining and can't see why you did what you did? I'm not that blind. But it doesn't change the rest of it. Can you tell me how I can try again, when it's all about how much I believe in my ability to save a person? And when I know how easily I can give up on that if you threaten to walk out on me?"
[20:08] <Kotono> "You have that potential in you, Jaela," Hanna says without breaking stride after that, "I didn't want to hurt that, but I didn't have a choice. You got too involved and lost your rationality. I hate this, but I really did have to do it for your own good."
[20:09] <Jaela> "No choice? To the point where even sending her to Antenora, like we did with that group of erinyes, couldn't work?"
[20:18] <Kotono> "Jaela...we put a mad dog down," Hanna says, gently.
[20:24] <Jaela> "I guess we did. But I really can't do it this way. I can't pause and think 'he must only be this much evil to be worth the bother' and wonder if I'm optimistic enough that day to try. I can't agree with you on both things. Either I can change the world, or I need to separate the mad dogs from those who meet some arcane criteria of qualifying to be rescued. Maybe it makes sense to you, and maybe it'll make sense to me too some day, but that day is not now." Jaela stands up, and offers again, "Let's go, like you said? Elena doesn't seem to need me around, and who knows when another chance will come."
[20:28] <Kotono> Hanna considers a moment, before nodding. "I'll transport us once we get out of Aurora." OOC: Skip along?
[20:28] <Jaela> OOC: Yes
[20:31] <Kotono> As you walk out to the courtyard, you find Mei waiting for you by the gates. She stares, awaiting the both of you.
[20:32] * Jaela runs her hand through her hair. "Alright, let me try," she says, licking her lips. "You are waiting for me?" Sticking to yes and no questions and following up on the responses, that must be the way to communicate.
[20:43] <Kotono> Mei nods, coming forward. She reaches out and embrace Jaela, a hug.
[20:43] <Jaela> "Umm." Returning the hug comes almost automatically, but Jaela finds herself lost for words.
[20:44] <Kotono> Mei breaks it shortly and smiles radiantly. She leans forward, laying a gentle kiss on the symbol of the Melding of the Three, then taps it with her fingers.
[20:47] <Jaela> A knight should not be this cute, Jaela thinks in consternation. "It would be nice if we could revive the Order," she muses, trying to cover for her embarrassment. "Maybe someone will join from the Graceful Blow?"
[20:47] <Kotono> Mei nods to this, smiling warmer.
[20:49] <Jaela> "I never gave up on that," Jaela tries to explain, "but no one really wanted to join, even after I built the temple. But if there's two of us, I'm sure everyone will see it's a really strong Order!"
[20:54] <Kotono> To this Mei nods. Slowly, across Jaela's upper chest plate, she traces the letters, D R E A M. She smiles then and steps away, heading back towards the temple.
[20:55] * Jaela waves slowly at Mei as she walks away.
[21:02] <Kotono> Hanna turns to Jaela, "Is she..." she lets it hang there.
[21:02] <Jaela> "Vow of Silence, Priest tells me," Jaela says, realizing that she forgot to introduce the two of them. "Dame Mei is very devout."
[21:03] <Kotono> "That's not what I meant." Coughing into her hand, "Or was that a symbolic kiss of reverence?"
[21:04] * Jaela pauses. "I... don't know," she slowly admits. "And I don't want to think about it now. Let's go?"
[21:06] <Kotono> Hanna considers that a few moments. "You really could do worse." she finally says, "And besides," A weak smile comes to her face, "I'm sure you'd have lots of fun testing the limits of that vow of silence."
[21:06] * Jaela looks horrified. "I will never be able to look her in the face again!" she exclaims.
[21:09] <Kotono> A real smile starts to show on Hanna's face, "Embarrassing Jaela? I still have it." Patting Jaela's shoulder, "It's a mother's sacred duty to embarrass her daughter."
[21:11] * Jaela marches outside as she sulks.
[21:22] <Kotono> Hanna laughs as you go, "Perhaps you can even have her and Mirima," With a growingly warmer tone, "Eladrin do have a reputation for being playboys, and certainly you do favor chaos."
[21:22] <Jaela> "I'll pass it on for you, then."
[21:28] <Kotono> With that, Jaela's hand is taken. It's warm here. Warm as the summer sun, yet without any discomfort. Rolling green hills and piercingly blue skies are ahead of you, the latter dotted with puffy white clouds. A perfect pastoral scene, not a care or thing in sight.
[21:31] <Jaela> "I wonder," Jaela muses, overcoming her embarrassment. "I like Mirima, but I don't think we want the same thing. Is it still enough?"
[21:33] <Kotono> "Depends on what YOU want out if it," Hanna stops, "Full honesty, I don't particularly fancy women. Oh, once or twice since it's expected in the court," waving a hand dismissively, "But I've heard plenty of stories about it. So I do know what i'm talking about." Starting to walk up a hill, pace slow and leisurely, "If one of you just wants sex and the other wants a relationship, something
[21:33] <Kotono> will give out. Is that how it splits with you two?"
[21:35] <Jaela> "I thought it did. I'm not sure now, cause it's really a case of saying one thing and acting another way."
[21:38] <Kotono> Coming atop a hill, more hills as far as the eye can see, Hanna sits. She puts her axe down and lies on her stomach, wingtips resting on the ground. "What is she saying and what is she doing, exactly?"
[21:38] <Jaela> "Doesn't go beyond you, right?"
[21:40] <Kotono> "No one else is within thousands of miles," Hanna says, "We have perfect privacy."
[21:44] <Jaela> Jaela dismisses her armor and lies down in her tunic next to her mother. "Well, I meant after. Anyway. She's coming on to me. Really, really blatantly. So blatantly Dana gets it. And while I was together with Annalise, I told her no. But after that, I figured why not? First and last time I listen to Candy, I swear. But she doesn't, I dunno, ask me out on a date, or came to visit me at the hospital. We didn't even get to talk that much. So we sort of fought today, and she told me she wants a passionate relationship. What does that even mean? And she got upset when I told her it seemed like she just wanted sex." Jaela sighs. "It's enough to consider celibacy."
[21:47] <Kotono> "You listened to a succubus?" Hanna laughs at that, but listens otherwise. Running a hand through her hair, "Tough to say. With all that went on she may have felt unwanted or threatened. She may not know what she wants, either. Unless she's playing games with you," Hanna considers.
[21:51] <Jaela> "I don't want to keep on running and putting out fires every time that happens, though. I don't know if it's just something she'll get over, or if she'll always feel threatened whenever I talk to someone. Like, if she saw that back at the courtyard and sulks over it, what am I supposed to even do?"
[21:51] <Kotono> "Break it off," Hanna says, "She sounds like she's a dramatic girl and you don't wnat that. It's not worth it."
[21:54] <Jaela> "So we broke a moon," Jaela says all of a sudden.
[21:55] <Kotono> "Really?" Turning her head, "I thought you got along with Selune's clergy."
[21:57] <Jaela> "The moon shot me first with its freaky moon ray shit," Jaela says defensively, before waving a hand and recreating that expedition via Miracle for Hanna. "Then we got told that we broke their sacred training ground or whichever. Felt pretty bad."
[22:02] <Kotono> "Oh." Staring up, with a slight frown, "Are you using a miracle to..." she murmurs.
[22:03] <Jaela> "Yep."
[22:05] <Kotono> Hanna's head flops forward, hitting the ground. There's quiet for a bit at that, Hanna doing an up close and personal inspection of the grass.
[22:06] <Jaela> "I can cast all these neat spells I never really studied with it. It comes pretty useful. I only used a true Miracle the once, though."
[22:08] <Kotono> "Jaela..." Hanna just sighs, finally lifting her head up. "You aren't sleeping with the succubus too, are you?"
[22:09] <Jaela> "Why would I do that?"
[22:12] <Kotono> "Female, beautiful?" Hanna shrugs her shoulders, "I was just curious."
[22:15] <Jaela> "Candy hit on me a couple times, but that's cause she's a succubus. She said she likes guys...." Jaela trails off, blinking. "I'm not sure I believe her. But anyway, yeah. I met lots of beautiful people. I didn't even look at girls before Annalise, but I guess it's for the best considering the gender ratios on the Aurora. Not like I could just go out with a soldier. It's not proper, and I bet my enemies would just crush him simply to get to me, so yeah, no."
[22:17] <Kotono> "Mmm-hmm." Hanna murmurs, "You really should find out about Mei. I think she'd be good for you, Jaela. The same faith, someone who struck me as supportive and loving...I only met her a moment but I liked what I saw."
[22:20] * Jaela shrugs. "Maybe. Not now, when she just got here. I don't want her to misunderstand, you know?"
[22:22] <Kotono> "Fair. You could always look into an augury about it too," Hanna points out, "If it comes back badly, you can spare both of you the awkwardness."
[22:24] * Jaela snorts, before it turns into genuine laughter. "You make a face when I use a Miracle for a proper reason, but you want me to bug the Triune with my lovelife troubles?"
[22:29] <Kotono> Hanna laughs as well, before turning back to Jaela. "A simple augury is one thing, a miracle is another. Besides, if you and Mei would be happy together, I bet the Triune would love to help you two together."
[22:31] <Jaela> "Yeah well." Jaela reciprocates, turning towards her. "I actually wanted you to see the moon thing, and not just because I think I hit it pretty well." She pauses, gathering her thoughts. "What I'm really trying to say here, I think we can't go back. So it's impossible to fix what's broken. I mean, correct me if I'm wrong?"
[22:32] <Kotono> Pausing a moment, "Which broken thing do you mean? Do you mean you and Mirima or...?"
[22:33] <Jaela> "The star cauldron thing."
[22:34] <Kotono> "Oh." Goign on, "Yeah, that's broken," Hanna says, "You know, Afina wanted me by her andthe moment we seperate again, that happens. Rotten timing."
[22:36] <Jaela> "Don't think it would've mattered." Jaela shrugs again. "Afina wanted you to come, but the girls wanted to do their graduation trial or whichever without the extra help. Hell, even Candy wasn't supposed to be there but she just invited herself. Anyway, it's broken, and I guess it's a metaphore for a lot of things that were broken too and can't be taken back. But can we build something new? A new training ground for the Graceful Blow with a new Cauldron of Stars, maybe in Ysgard or even at the Aurora?"
[22:37] <Kotono> "The training ground is easy. A Cauldron of Stars? That's not so easy." Hanna says, "Do you have any idea what one does?"
[22:37] <Jaela> "No, so I came to the expert."
[22:41] <Kotono> "There's different grades and types of Cauldrons," Hanna says, "But they do about what you'd think - create stars. All but the greatest really just make overblown moving points of light. Making the stars in the Court requires special ones and forges that the Lady of the Lake created. Also, they're not the same stars as the ones on the Primes - t hose are different altogether."
[22:42] <Jaela> "So that one was old, but not one of the greatest?"
[22:43] <Kotono> "That would be my guess. It was high up there, as what it created was hardly light powers." Hanna says, "The greatest ones are artifacts."
[22:44] <Jaela> "So at least we didn't destroy an artifact," Jaela muses, processing that. "Which means it wouldn't take the Lady of the Lake to actually make something comparable, and doubly so because it was a Prime. That's a good summary?"
[22:45] <Kotono> "It was advanced for a Prime - though you do get capable sorts there, just not as often or concentrated as the Planes," she points out, "The Primes are weaker, but don't think you can't run into the outliers. But yes, you're correct."
[22:46] <Jaela> "That covers what was lost. But what are our options?"

[Corwin]

[19:23] <Kotono> "Well, the knowledge to make Cauldrons isn't common," Hanna goes on, "I can bridge that gap. The other thing is that it's expensive and time consuming work."
[19:24] <Jaela> "What will it do then? Actually make new stars, or just store any fallen ones?"
[19:28] <Kotono> "It can make them. A real fallen star from the Prime..." Trailing off here, "Would utterly annihilate a Cauldron."
[19:29] <Jaela> Huh. That's a surprise. "Would they be good for anything but making ghost warriors for the graduation challenge?"
[19:31] <Kotono> "Not easily," Hanna's reply is as she looks up at the sun above. "But it can be done."
[19:32] <Jaela> "It just confuses me. I mean, I know you guys can make stars. And I know you can make stuff out of stars. But if you're doing that, why not just make that stuff from the start?"
[19:34] <Kotono> "Jaela, what happens if you get a nice steak for dinner, then skip cooking it, slap it onto a plate, and serve ti to your guests?"
[19:35] * Jaela laughs. "Your guests better be trolls? Okay, I get it. But what cool stuff can you actually make out of stars that Afina won't be able to just magic up with her skills?"
[19:37] <Kotono> At this Hanna sighs long, "They go right to what they can get out of it, and care nothing for the artistry and craft involved," she laments. "Woe, no appreciation for the beauty of creation." Despite that she does smile a little bit.
[19:38] * Jaela snorts. "There's plenty of appreciation for that part. I saw it happen with my own eye, remember? But I don't know enough to talk about it, while I can decide on the other stuff easily enough."
[19:43] <Kotono> "Eyes," Hanna absently corrects, "Well, with the Cauldrons above the Court...if I recall right, the last time something was made was for the heroes of Androlynne. Gowns and finery of the night sky, boosting force of will and personality. "
[19:44] <Jaela> "Kinda had the eyepatch on," Jaela admits. "Anyway, gowns wouldn't really help us until after we killed all manner of devils. Anything we could use for the Crusade?"
[19:46] <Kotono> "They aren't the best for weapons and armor," Hanna goes on, "They work best for anything tied to light, darkness, the sky or the heavens. Basically what you'd expect," Hanna says.
[19:47] <Jaela> "I have a bunch of light-themed beam spells. Don't suppose they could focus those better?"
[19:55] <Kotono> "They could," She answers, "I did just say they work best for things tied to light, didn't I?"
[19:57] <Jaela> "Could be nice. I guess we'll see about it after you get back to me on the costs involved? I'd kinda want to build something for those girls before looking into this stuff." Jaela leans her cheek on the grass and closes her eye. "You didn't have time to go to the Court yet, did you? Should I come with you when you do?"
[20:05] <Kotono> Silence for a little bit. Hanna doesn't reply, instead looking up. The sun beats down warmly, "It wouldn't hurt anything, and you may learn something useful." You feel her hand on your shoulder, the sound of her shifting closer in the grass. Hanna's warmth surrounds Jaela, a quiet embrace. "Let's rest here a time."
[20:06] * Jaela doesn't fight it, letting go of her troubles for the time being.
[20:10] <Kotono> Sleep comes. A deep sleep, and into the inky well of unawareness a voice speaks. "Thank you," A disembodied voice speaks, sounding far away.
[20:11] <Jaela> 'Thank you?' Jaela thinks, sluggishly repeating the words.
[20:15] <Kotono> Around you is Aurora. Hazy and distorted, grass growing in the courtyard yous tand in instead of open ground. Before you is the ghostly image of a woman, blonde haired. Her face is open and content, sharply familiar, bearing a distinct resemblence to Annalise. "Thank you for caring for my wayward granddaughter."
[20:17] <Jaela> It would be much easier if the ghost came after her for revenge. "I couldn't save her. I killed her."
[20:24] <Kotono> "You cared for her. You tried." The spirit speaks, "Thank you. Who else did?"
[20:28] * Jaela can't bring herself to say anything.
[20:33] <Kotono> The woman smiles - a smile of peace. "My eternal rest is sweeter because of you. You cared for her...and you freed her at last. As much as I love her, someone had to do that. Thank you for caring for her, thank you for trying, and thank you for putting her to rest. You may be the only one who ever truly cared for her in all her existence." At this the ghostly image fades away, sleep coming.
[20:33] <Kotono> A sleep that stirs into the logy, sleepy warmth of another body holding Jaela tight.
[20:37] * Jaela just lies there quietly, breathing in and out.
[20:44] <Kotono> Jaela drowses on the shores of slumber. Her awareness ebbs in and out, a fading crosswork of dim awareness and half glimpsed fragments of dreamscapes. Distintly amid this, in Celestial, "Sleep, my child. Sleep." Hanna whispers it, "Tomorrow will be a better day."
[20:45] <Jaela> She has been tired for what feels like weeks, and Jaela gives in to slumber once more at the prompting.
[20:48] <Kotono> The sleep that comes this time is total and all consuming. Jaela simply isn't for a time. Awakening is like smoothly rising out of a night-dark sea towards the shining sun. Jaela sits up, eyes clear. The deep fatigue in her is gone - she feels good, deeply rested. Her body is not sore at all, despite sleeping in the grass.  She's not even hungry or thirsty, nor does nature call.
[20:49] * Jaela looks about, even as she asks, "Just where are we?"
[20:51] <Kotono> "The Heavens." Hanna calls down from atop a hill, "Come on, Jaela. Don't worry about it. Come up here!" She's smiling and waving.
[20:53] <Jaela> Letting her wings rest for a change, Jaela summons her armor as she walks up the hill.
[20:55] <Kotono> It is a tall hill. Beyond it is a gentle hill down, leaving to a ring of hills. Within the center of that hill is a deep blue lake, shining with sunlight atop its surface. Fish leap in it, silvery sided and large. Hanna just points to it a moment, "The water's warm to the touch, so let's go take a swim," she says, heading in that direction.
[20:56] <Jaela> "Not that it's a problem for us," Jaela notes, not having any objections. As she follows, she asks all of a sudden, "So why didn't you bring that painter from the Court with you?"
[20:59] <Kotono> "At heart?" Hanna disrobes, pausing and speaking before leaping into the water. "Change. It felt right not to, and I imagine he's making paintings for some other pretty girl right now. I'm not the most chaos-touched of our kind, but I still feel it. With one great move, it encourages more change. A fresh start." Splashing in, swimming up and shaking her wet hair about, "Considering how the
[20:59] <Kotono> officier corps skew, that might have been a mistake. Why is it you seem to recruit more women than men?"
[21:01] <Jaela> "I'm an equal opportunity employer," Jaela responds, her armor retreating just as easily as it was summoned. She wades into the water until it is around waist level, and then dives in fully. "And I pursue every lead. Other than the one man who refused to follow me, I have no idea."
[21:03] <Kotono> The water is warm, pleasant to swim in. It flows around you as Hanna leans back, doing a backstroke further into the lake. "The soldiers split towards men, not counting elementals," she says, "Which is why the officer count surprises me so much."
[21:05] <Jaela> "I have my own ideas," Jaela muses. "Women do tend to get looked down upon on some Primes. So if you want to get ahead, you need to do more than a man, I figure. So what happens when you cull a world, or seek out a champion from another? It'd make sense that the person who was desperate to succeed would stand out and survive, over someone more complacent."
[21:07] <Kotono> "Most." Hanna speaks up, "It matters less for us since we can change...say. Want a father?" Suddenly grinning and righting herself in the water, sending a splash towards Jaela, "Just for a change of pace?"
[21:08] * Jaela makes a face. "I learned to not care about gender, but frankly, body manipulation still creeps me out. It really does."
[21:19] <Kotono> "It's enlightening. It helps eliminate some of the drama about relationships. A man who's spent a decade as a woman gets things he's never get otherwise.  Like, if you start crying over something stupid, he doesn't look at you like you're insane."
[21:21] <Jaela> "I bet it is. But don't do it to me? There's embarrassment and there's really making me uncomfortable." Jaela turns until she's resting on her back, and floats lazily upon the waters. "And speaking of me, is there a way I could learn how to do it? Maybe it won't be as creepy if I could really understand how it goes."
[21:28] <Kotono> Hanna shrugs, righting herself in the water again. "Try watching a few times. The understanding might help."
[21:32] <Jaela> "I dunno if I could learn just from watching," Jaela muses, staring up at the sky. "Ah well." She is silent for a while longer, before skipping topics again. "You know all those books and prophecies and leads we get? It's usually about some weapon or whichever, but I'm pretty strong in the conventional sense. I mean, I'm not like Adrian so I don't need a monstrously strong moonsword to go toe to toe with pit fiends. But there's gotta be something I could do to boost my fighting chances. Some more training, or an artifact that's waiting on an owner. Something's suitable for me, you know?"
[22:16] <Kotono> "The trick is finding it," Hanna says, "Most big artifacts are selective. You won't find it if they don't like you, or you'll regret trying. The really legendary ones, anyway."
[22:17] <Jaela> "I'll take my chances, if you know any. Or even a lead on one. If I'm skilled and determined enough, I'll make it work." Jaela allows herself to slowly sink, adding, "I never count on luck anyway."
[22:21] <Kotono> "I can ask the Loremasters in the Court." Hanna says, "They'll know better than I do, and are good at pointing you on the right path." Sinking down with Jaela, sighing with pure contentment, "You know, you'd better learn how to change shape. I want grandchildren."
[22:22] <Jaela> With her magic, breathing underwater is but a thought away. "You don't have a single one?"
[22:25] <Kotono> Swimming up, back into air where she can speak and breathe, "Oh, I have descendants.  I want grandchildren," Pointing at Jaela, "From you. I'm not too picky if you're the mother or the father."
[22:27] * Jaela follows her to the surface. "Feel free to ask your Loremasters about how I'd learn that." She snorts. "But it better take a step back to being good enough to save someone."
[22:27] <Kotono> "Yes yes," Hanna waves a hadn with a growing smile, "I can ask them more than one question. They don't ration them."
[22:28] <Jaela> "Just making sure you've got your priorities straight."
[22:28] * Jaela starts swimming away, adding, "You know, Candy wanted to meet my brother. Think we can do that sometime, the three of us? Or with Afina, too, since she was also there?"
[22:31] <Kotono> "We should," Hanna agrees, "What was that about that succubus now?"
[22:31] <Jaela> "There really isn't any more to it than what I just said. She asked if I had one, I said I actually did, she said 'Can I meet him?' and I said 'Sure, why not?'"
[22:34] <Kotono> "Really." Her voice stays normal enough, but has a hint of steel in it.
[22:35] <Jaela> "Really. She's with Talos, and if he survived for millennia he won't just fall for a pretty face."
[22:38] <Kotono> "Jaela, I have several ethical objections to being related to a succubus, even only by marriage. Better to be safe."
[22:38] <Jaela> "I guess you know him best. Is he even single?"
[22:40] <Kotono> "Last I checked, but I've been busy," Hanna starts to swim to the shore now, "I don't think he's had a relationship in a few decades."
[22:41] <Jaela> "I'm sure it will be fine. She's not the sort to force herself on others."
[22:47] <Kotono> Getting out and shaking herself dry, hair going about in wet silken waves she walks nearby. There's a campfire there - one you're certain wasn't there moments ago. A roasting chicken is skewed above it, and bowls of fire-cooked vegetables and beans sit nearby. "We can dry off by the fire here." she says, unperterbed by it.
[22:49] <Jaela> "I guess I'll do it normally for once, and not with magic," Jaela agrees, going along with that plan.
[22:51] <Kotono> Using her fingers to rip a bit of chicken off and tasting, "Mmmm." she says approvingly, "It's good. Have some."
[22:54] <Jaela> Following suit, Jaela does so. "You'd expect anything less in a heaven?"
[22:59] <Kotono> The chicken is hot and filling, the heat posing no threat to the protected bodies of the pair. The vegetables and beans are likewise, eaten with fingers in lieu of having no utensils. After a mouthful of grilled peppers, "When I'm sad, lonely or tired I come here. It's a quiet part of the Beastlands."
[23:00] <Jaela> "Huh. I'd probably go to Acheron to kill something. Or Hell, if I didn't really care about getting back."
[23:04] <Kotono> "There's more to life than battle." Going for more chicken as the two of you pick the roasted bird clean, "Solace in battle only goes so far. I learned that lesson through my own tears and sorrows. As useful as rage at evil can be, it can't soothe the wounds of the heart, only inflame them."
[23:05] <Jaela> "There's a reason I got so good, don't you think? I survived Lifasa because I was too weak to bother really killing, so it's not talent. I just threw most other things away and focused on killing everything."
[23:08] <Kotono> "Do that and you'll find yourself in the Abyss," Hanna points out, "That's what a demon does - it focuses on killing. You have to balance yourself out. Justice is one thing, but revenge leads one cold and the other dead."
[23:10] <Jaela> "I got over the revenge part." Jaela shrugs. "Not gonna claim it was easy, but I managed." Seeming reflective, she muses, "Annalise again, I think. I just wanted to stand for more than murder." Another shrug. "I'm pretty good at it, though. If we come against a Nessian again, I'll be killing it this time around. I won't lose focus anymore."
[23:14] <Kotono> "Don't get cocky. We're lucky it was only one without reinforcements. I doubt we'll be so blessed next time," Hanna shakes her head, holding herhands to the fire after wiping them clean on her legs.
[23:15] * Jaela gets another piece for herself, intending to actually use magic to get cleaned afterwards. "I'll leave the reinforcements to you."
[23:18] <Kotono> "I'll take care of it. Oh, and by the way." Smiling a bit, "You're welcome to bring Mirima or Mei here for a getaway."
[23:20] <Jaela> "I think I'll be tempting fate if I go on another vacation right after getting back from this one," Jaela muses. "And I still need to visit Arvandor and Celestia, too."
[23:23] <Kotono> "At some point," Hanna says, and smiles, "Your father liked this realm, too." Rising and going to get dressed, "It's only been a few decades and it feels longer."
[23:23] <Kotono> roll 1d100
[23:23] * Hatbot --> "Kotono rolls 1d100 and gets 91." [1d100=91]
[23:23] <Jaela> Magic is useful. In just a moment, Jaela is clean and has her armor back on. How long has it been since she dressed fully in a mundane way?
[23:26] <Kotono> Hanna takes a bit more time at it, "That looks convienent," Hanna says.
[23:27] <Jaela> "I wish I could do it myself, but I'm relying on magic here," Jaela admits, showing off her gauntlets. Gae Bolg is summoned for a demonstration, and then sent back. "They, and a bit of Permanency to help with the mundane things like cleaning or flavoring."
[23:28] <Kotono> "I like doing it myself," Hanna says, "I was like that for a long time, but I've grown to appreciate doing things at a slower pace."
[23:29] <Jaela> "Maybe," Jaela says dubiously, "but that's for out of combat. You can't match my versatility in it, just doing things the mundane way."

[Corwin]

[19:31] <Kotono> Shaking her head with a bemused smile, "So I wanted to ask. What's ahead for you and Aurora?"
[19:33] <Jaela> "It's pretty straightforward. Fight devils, free people. Once we contact the resistance we should do another rescue, and that's where all the extra forces we're trying to get will come in handy."
[19:36] <Kotono> "We should be getting back," Hanna says, "I can't imagine that wil take much longer."
[19:36] <Jaela> "If you like. I'll tag along for a while, it seems like?"