[Haruhi] K:BDH chapter 57

[Brian]

Any actual corrections I found have  been addressed by others.

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I found myself really enjoying this chapter. From the hilarious space-sized cookie baking to Kyon's special hell to Taniguchi being GAR, it went very fast. About the only bump is Sasaki deciding to join them at Kitago. It just felt... dunno, off? Maybe like Specular said "less reserved". Maybe it was how suddenly she went from hearing about it to telling her mom.

Oh, a second bump in my reading/enjoyment was during the kissing scene on Kyon's porch. How couldn't Yuki hear what he was mumbling? Granted, there was a lot there to distract me from that little aside, but it's still there.

Ah, to those....

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Yuki could hear what Kyon was saying; she just didn't bring it into narration.  The fuzziness on that one is the use of the word 'something', which does imply she can't hear/understand.  I have cleaned those up a bit.

For the Sasaki part, I redid the transition (though it's still very brief), so that might help a bit, too.  Thanks for the commentary!

:)

[Guenther]

Some typos: backing instead of baking, using both fiance and fiancee.

Scale was so hard without reference! All of those masses were just generically 'large' compared to what she was used to!

I thought she was making gigantic cookies because she's used to gigantic masses, so this complaint doesn't make sense to me.

[Brian]

'Fiance' is the masculine form of the word (Ranma is Akane's fiance), and 'fiancee' is the feminine form (Akane is Ranma's fiancee).  'Blond' and 'blonde' work the same way (the extra 'e' being the feminine form; 'Satoshi is blond; Satoko is blonde').

Fixed the 'backing' typos.

And yes, Kuyou struggles to deal with things at that small a scale.  I'll revise that.

Thanks for the comments!

[Specular]

I can't help but think that Nonoko wouldn't bat an eyelash.  She probably _would_ interrupt, but only because she'd want to play with them.  Amusing thought, though.

Hidden because of spoilers about the manga "The Vanishing of Nagato Yuki-chan":

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Amusingly enough, it happened in the manga. Imouto's reaction to what she thought was an imminent kiss between Kyon and Yuki was a rather enthusiastic yet innocent "are you two going to kiss?" while keeping a close watch on them.

[Rogh-sensei]

Hold up, "Resolution Arc?!" *ALARUM BELLS*

[Specular]

Something I didn't notice before:

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How interesting. The designation that wasn't her, shifted into that slightly different alignment, provoked a reaction not entirely unlike the mild physical entanglement from earlier! He took Ryouko from Yuki and stepped into the house, waving to the pair before he vanished.

The PoV character seems to shift from Yuki to Kuyou in this paragraph. How about changing "He took Ryouko from Yuki" to "He took Ryouko from her hands" and removing the exclamation mark? After all Yuki seems to be able to read Kuyou's reactions through the latter's connection to Ryouko.