Pre game current events (Tryll) (Dana, so be advised on content.)

[Anastasia]

Yo Tryll, I'm fucking back!

Yeah well, turns out Inevitables don't like it if you take them up on finding out how hard they are. Not like the fucker had anything anyway, smooth metal and gears all the way. Shit, I was tempted anyway, but then the guards showed up.

One, the Inevitable told me his body was as hard as the forges of Mechanus could make it. Two, whatever, you're the one who invited me along to this.

Yeah, so I was dicking around on Lifasa. Nice place now, all sunshine, puppies and rainbows. So anyway, I'm staying at Harlan's Peak - mountain side village, imagine fucking that - for the night when there's a flash of light. Like bright light that woke up me up from a deep sleep sort of bullshit, the sort of shit that's someone with power waving their cock around and screaming LOOK AT ME. So I go out there all ready to cunt punt some bitch back to whence they came when I get out there and see it's fucking Selune.

Yeah shit, I'm not fucking with that. She's alright in my books, even if she was showing off and probably telling someone like Lathander hey I got power too. So anyway, she gives me the look and I know I'm gonna get fucked.

Metaphorically for sure, maybe literally. I don't know which side of the moon she likes, probably all of them. Shit, she's probably into all sorts of freaky shit because she's the patron of were creatures that aren't total assholes. But it doesn't happen, instead she tells me to go wandering and see the planes, then come back and tell you. She does it all bossy and fuck, you can't say no to that.

So I drop on by Tepen's new place - it's great by the way, if you're into screaming I'm an old man, please join me for tea and remembering the good old days - and get tossed onto Mechanus, figure I'll start there. Yeah, worked out like a balor deciding to hop on over to Jovar to take a big, unholy piss. Anyway, I make it through a portal before anyone gets too close and shuffle the fuck off to Arcadia.

Arcadia, great place if you want to be an innkeeper wishing those feisty fucking adventurers wouldn't track in mud and blood when they stay for the night. About as fucking interesting too, since everyone's pissing themselves over some night lights. Look, I don't care if it's Chronias or - yeah, that's what they said. Chronias was aglow or something, I'll fucking get to it, keep your squid panties on. I don't give a fuck what it is, saw it myself and didn't think much of it. Got a bunch of dragonshit guilt if I looked too long, but no big deal. On the other hand, I guess Mom isn't sucking cocks in Hell.

Yeah, yeah, thing is that I heard my Mom's voice there, telling me to come to the light, start wearing dresses and thanking some fat wallflower fucking royal husband for slipping me his two inches on the regular. Fuck that shit. Still, I dunno, I was probably drunk on guilt or bullshit or just hadn't gotten fucked hard recently, because I went onto Celestia through a portal.

Yeah, second verse, same shit as the first. In between getting treated like a bad girl caught with Dana's first broomstick and getting generally nagged at, I talk to some natives. Chronias is aglow, it's a time of prophecy and miracles, blah blah blah blah. Apparently something big is happening there. Call it the religious meltdown of Celestia or something. No, everything's still working there, just everyone's more worked up about religion than normal, and that's fucking impressive for Celestia.

Bleh, you got any ale? All this talking is making me thirsty.

Aaah.

Went through a portal from there and lost track of a few days. Remember something fucking depressing but no details. Just a blank, empty, zap. Less than zero. Did the Elysium thing and ran into Makaril. Oh right, yeah, I ended up there when I got my senses back. Anyway, had a good spar with him. The whole strong and silent thing....mmm! Too pretty for my tastes but he has that fucking presence and I bet he's hung like a dragon. Say what I will but at least he can be a real fucking man. He'd give it to you on the regular after a good fight, then be up to bash in some fucking devil heads.

No, didn't get anywhere, but it was a good fucking spar. He tells me that he's researching a lost treasure and gave me the basics. It's called Mindstar, a lost psionic grimoire or some shit. He thinks it's in Limbo somewhere, said if I can find it first I'm welcome to it, just tell him so he doesn't waste any more time. Telling you too since that's up your fucking alley.

So a bunch of unimportant bullshit later and I'm fucking around in Ysgard. You remember that one valkyrie we ran into there? Ran into her again, made her two for two for bending over for our giant Aurora cock. She'd gotten better, though. Could go say hi if you need a bitch around. Dropped by Sylica too, spend some time training with Antenora there. Ugh. Okay, the bitch has it together as far as fighting goes, but I just know she was one step away from lecturing a lot. Cunt probably only put up with me because she can point me at devils afterwards. Oh Dana, be a proper woman. Oh Dana, go pump out a few babies then die when the last birthing goes wrong. Oh Dana, please look pretty, be boring and suck your husband's cock with a smile. Please.

Did get some good gossip there, though. Heard Lixer's firming up his rule and no one's seen or heard what happened to Bel. Some say he's dead, others thing he's a prisoner or worse of Lixer, a couple of other assholes were saying he was camping out in Acheron nursing his ego and planning round two. Also heard he snuck off and is now giving it to the Red Knight on the regular, but that's so fucking stupid, she could do so much better.

Anyway, eventually portaled on over to Air. Yan-C-Bin got his shit ruined recently and that's the big news. Also heard Pistis Sophia was wandering Air. Didn't make much sense to me with all the shit going on in Celestia, so I look into it. Isn't her, just a powerful psionic angel and this one even put on some fucking clothes. Anyway, it's the one that's Cresiel's aunt - Debosomething. I think you met her if I remember right. She's looking into something for Sune, tracking down some asshole who stole some sacred treasures from Brightwater.

Now that takes fucking balls, as well as a big enough magic cock not to get scried on and dealt with on the double quick. Guy's name is Kelan, got invited to collect on a reward if I find him. Didn't, but think he's still on the loose if you want to go hunting. Probably has a divine patron covering his ass or is a capable fucking spellcaster on his own, so it's no easy mark.

After that and some unrelated bullshit, I ended up on Steam. Let me tell you, it live sup to its name. Probably steamier than Afina's cu-

Asshole, like you weren't thinking the same thing. Anyway, in some hole int he wall settlement around a portal and a safe zone, I run into an succubus and an erinyes in a tavern, getting totally fucking smashed together. Now I needed a drink more than I needed to wreck both of them, so I join them and get a triple. Anyway, those two together is like a fire and water elemental getting married, shit isn't natural. So I get them talking and turns out they're both outcasts. Also fucking by the way in what's probably the most intense hate fucks I've ever seen.

What? I didn't want to to waste money on a room, and it's not like I couldn't ignore them going at it. Besides, I was really fucking drunk at that point and a couch was good enough to sleep on.

Point of all that is that they're hunting for something for Princess Bwimb over on Ooze. Didn't find out what, but apparently she promised them a really great place in her court if they did it, and both of those bitches must be into masochism since fuck, who wants to live in Ooze? Might explain the fucking too, actually. Anyway, they're named Reboah and Argisse, we could go help them and get paid, turn them in and get paid or ignore 'em. Whatever.

The good part is that after that I found a spellcaster who made me a portal back here. So yeah, that's what the fuck's going on out there and where I ended up. Didn't miss much here, did I? Did I?