Invaders, the story of the legendary chatroom

[acetalon]

Since Drac has kindly asked that this be here, well, here it is.  Invaders.

[acetalon]

ok, one cut.

[Dracos]

Comments on invaders Chapter 2:

This chapter needs a thorough grammar checking.  I spotted dozens of major grammar errors, particularly sentences with no verb whatsoever.  You still need work on your story telling style, the straightforward here did not mix well with the grandiose.

Drac no like that all anyone remembers is his special drinks, and reduces that into a bad caricature ;-;

You made a fox reference...painage ;-;

Overall I found it an amusing reference to the past, with perhaps a bit to heavy an emphasis on in jokes (They felt often forced rather than flowing naturally with your story).  The prose was weak in general, often suffering from too many viewpoints without enough depth in any of them.

I'd c&c more but I'm about to collapse and I have a math quiz in fifty minutes.  -.-

Fearless Leader

[acetalon]

Thx for the CC Drac.  I'll be sure to remember it when I write.  Bleg, don't have any time anymore to write, what with school an all that jazz.