007's Crazy Dates

[Ranma_007]

This is from a email I sent to a friend last year:

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So here are my stories. These all occurred this past year:


I went on a date one time with a girl who claimed she was on her college basketball team, and 6'0" tall. She also had decent pictures as well. I met her, and she was about 60 lbs overweight, looked nothing like her pictures, and was about 5'6". I was almost tempted to walk away right there at first glance (I wouldn't do that... but just for me to even think that shows how bad it was). It was awful. She even ordered the most expensive thing on the menu, and for the life of me (this is a very unworthy thought), I thought "how much is it going to take to feed this girl". It was a total bad date. Probably the worst date I have ever been on. Plus, it was like talking to a brick wall. She couldn't carry a conversation, would only give me one word answers... it was bad. And then the next day she calls me up and wants to know when can we meet up again. Hah!

I went on a date one time with a girl from eHarmony, who was very nice and all (extraordinarily secretive though, worked at the NSA, couldn't tell me anything on what she does). We met up, had a good date, went to a Italian place, then walked the mall, then at the end she started talking about religion, and found out that I'm a Methodist... she was like, "I'm sorry, I'm a Catholic, and you're a Methodist... it would never work out."... you'd think that she would mention it beforehand. She had nothing on her profile about that, and in no part of our conversations did that come up. It might have been a excuse, it might not have, but at least be honest about it.

I went on a date this past year with a "female player" from Match.com. The kind of girl who likes to date tons of people at one time, and uses men for free drinks and food. Thankfully it only took one date for me to find this out. She complained a lot about her ex-boyfriend during the date. She was attractive, but her personality was terrible. Total golddigger. She's the basis I use now for my "golddigger" sense.

I had three dates in a row in March where all three of them asked me what size shoe I wore during the dinner conversation. One even asked me what brand of shoes. It was very unnerving. I was like, is this what girls really talk about? Plus I've had two phone calls in the past year where girls were like, so what size shoe do you wear? Weird stuff. I guess they want to see if it correlates to something else, like sock size or something...

I went on a blind date set up by my brother from a girl at his work earlier this year. We went to a nice place, Bahama Breeze. She was very nice, and excited, and a bit hyper, and during the conversation she was like "I want to go kayaking with you. RIGHT NOW." "Now?" "Yes! Now!" She was literally ready to drag me off to some river and go kayaking. She was like a live wire put inside one of those rubber bouncy balls... and she could not stop talking. I couldn't get a word in edgewise. :) Good person, but we had too many differences.

I went on a eHarmony date with a nice girl who we clicked with online. Worked at College Park as a admin person there, real decent person. During the conversation, she was like, "I'm good with kids", which is ok, then she was like, "You know, if we were married, we would have three kids... does three kids sound good to you, or two?" which totally set off my spider-sense, and then she started picking out baby names, which freaked me out. I mean, seriously, on the first date. Yeah, that was a bit crazy.

And that's not the only time that's happened this past year. Talk about if you want to scare a guy away...   Though I did learn that some girls are just wired to want to have kids RIGHT AWAY.

I went on a date one time with a girl I met online, who had great pictures... but she totally lied about what she does in her profile. She said she's in "Telecommunications", but she's actually a school counselor. If she lied about what she does in her profile, what else did she lie about? She didn't get a second date. She was also one of the ones talking baby names on the first date.

I was once matched with three different girls on eHarmony that lived in the same town in PA. It turns out they were all sisters. 27, 25, and 24. That was also kind of messed up. Apparently having the same town and the same profession (musician/artist) wasn't enough to clue me in. It was funny in retrospect, but at the time it was totally awkward. Too many complications. I decided not to go on a date with any of them, mainly because I got this "it would be weird" vibe.

I went on a eHarmony date with a girl who lived in New Jersey. She was quite attractive and fun to be around, but I got this vibe that we weren't that compatible. Plus, forgive me for saying this, she had massive arm hair. Like way more than I do! I mean, it was like a train wreck, horrible, but you couldn't look away. It was bad. I might be horribly superficial, but that was messed up. Seriously, she could have at least taken a comb to it or something.

Recently I went on a date with a girl who was a bit shorter, who worked at a school with disabled children. Some of the stories that she was talking about on the date, it was crazy. Kids punching her in the face, kids pulling on her hair, her yelling at these kids because that's the only way they understand her... she told me straight out that she really didn't like her job. That's also something I don't particularly care to deal with... someone who is stressed out and has a negative attitude all the time. She also looked like she was going to bust out crying at any time.

I've been matched with girls who's sole desire is to move to another country and see the world... with their rich husband. Sorry, move on.

I've been matched with girls who describe themselves as princesses. Some even describe how high maintenance they are. The whole princess-complex just doesn't do it for me. Again, moving on.

I've been matched with girls who want to spend the rest of their life in India helping the less fortunate. (granted, that's great, but that's, ya know, kinda tough... I kinda like it here in the US, plus I think their expectations are a bit skewed).

I've expressed interest in a girl, and before you know it, she's turned into a cyberstalker, posting all the time on my Facebook, sending me messages, being super clingy, when we haven't even gone on a date yet! Clingy behavior = not cool. Actually, I've had three of these.

There's been girls that I've talked to who have horrible relationships with their family. They don't get a first date.

There's also been girls who I've talked to who, after about a half hour conversation, secretly admit that they're lesbian. I kid you not. They also didn't get a first date.

I went on a date recently (one of the good ones) where we were matched on eHarmony and Match.com on the same day (plus she was VERY attractive). She had a interesting job, she worked at the Department of Homeland Security in the Explosive Materials division. Remind me to not tick her off. :)


And out of all these crazy dates, I've been on a few normal fun, exciting dates too. There's been three girls in the past year who I wanted to take out on a second date. Two of them decided to be only friends, and the third just vanished into thin air.

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[Ranma_007]

I went on 54 first dates last year, and this is only a sampling of my stories.

This is before I found my girlfriend. :)

[Ranma_007]

Lessons I've Learned, from 12/08


Never compromise your standards. I'll find a fun, optimistic, Christian girl who likes me for who I am sooner or later!

Independent girls rule.
    with life experience
    with a job
    positive attitudes are great
    good relationship with her family is very important
    has friends (shows she can be a friend)
    is intelligent and passionate about stuff

Midwestern girls have good values... there's been a few girls who I've talked to from Ohio, Montana, Idaho, and Kansas (I learned what rock, chalk, jayhawk means), and they've all been like me, same good midwestern values. That has been cool. And for some reason they've all liked meat and potatoes, which is hysterical. :)

Ohio people are very friendly. I once was talking with a girl from Ohio, and it turns out we both spent summers as kids in the same town, Port Clinton, so we swapped stories for about a hour. It's a small world. It was like, "Do you remember Tofts, the ice cream store?" "Yeah, I used to go there every day!" and so forth.

First dates should be not too expensive, I had a friend one time take a girl he met on eHarmony to the Melting Pot... which was like 150 bucks. He also talked to this girl for 3 hours a day for 3 weeks before meeting. Their relationship lasted about six weeks, before they broke it off (my poor friend broke this girl's heart and felt awful about it... but it was better overall in the long run, they weren't that compatible). Coffee or a place like Chili's is fine.

In person chemistry trumps online chemistry by a lot. Never take too long to get a phone number online, because the goal isn't to write about yourself for ages, the goal is to meet up and see if you like each other in person.

It makes life a lot easier if you match on politics, though that shouldn't be a dealbreaker.

If they don't have pictures up, there's usually a reason why.

When I say "Well, I don't know about this girl." to myself, it really means "I'm not that into her." (this took me a while to figure out, even though you'd think it would be common sense)

There are a lot of weirdos out there. The challenge is to find a girl who's my type of crazy.

Most of the dates I've been on consider me to be charming and fun to be around. That's totally cool!

[Ranma_007]

And if you guys want to send me your online dating profiles either on the board or through PM, I'll be happy to show you what to fix.

I helped a friend of mine get his eHarmony profile written correctly for him, and he has 4 dates set up, and one of those girls is sending tantalizing messages back and forth (aka I think he's in like Flynn there).

[Anastasia]

Nice to see that you figured out the dating game, Ranma. So many people struggle with it for years and years and years.

[Ranma_007]

Yep, it took me a long time for me to get my act together, and even when dating, there were lessons that I needed to learn. But it's all good now!

[Namagomi]

Glad to hear it is possible to not have to compromise one's standards.

...now if only I could figure out how to approach a girl without coming off as creepy.