Original poems

[Shizumu]

Come with me thus this might delay the campaign
Ever more I confront the silence trying to keep it at bay
A struggle of epic proportions every moment
Each mistake multiplies the quarrel creating the abyss
Another mistake made, more precious ground lost.


The void's inception I crave to expunge from within
It claws from inside helping that which I wage war with
Further damning my chances of any potential decent conclusion
All I can hear are murmurs of dejection and defeat
Another mistake made, more precious ground lost.


And darkness within clamors for more.
Who should rule my soul then?
Nevermore a care, does one side give,
But the other fights for its very existence
Another mistake made, more precious ground lost.


The battle I am fated never to win so it seems
Stalemate. Once again I return full circle
A never-ending cycle in which I am always the casualty
"Why me," I might ask, if it even mattered
Another mistake made, more precious ground lost.


Everyday, every hour, every second with all I can muster
My utmost given every moment to keep it away
Always it attempts to pry apart my defenses
I cannot lower my guard even in exhaustion
Another mistake made, more precious ground lost.


Safe haven I have yet to find
Where can a weary soul go to rest?
To set aside the mantle if only for a short while
Anywhere I may go, it follows always growing stronger
Another mistake made, more precious ground lost.


Eternal champion I am not in the least
Self-preservation is my only goal in these last few moments
Time itself grinds to a halt, as I seek some way out
Something, anything to forego the fate I see before me
Another mistake made, more precious ground lost.


Traitors, my own inner demons help naught
Laugh I must for they are doing their best to help me lose
Yea, exhausted as I may be I shall continue on
Struggling against the filth prowling within and the horrors which abound
Another mistake made, more precious ground lost.

~Shizumu

[Shizumu]

A thousand years come rushing past me
Bonds forged, Ideas founded, People i've cared for
Places seen, Memories created, Loved ones...
All done these many years past.
Yet, yet not one thing in these many centurys
Can illuminate me with the power of your smile
Among my most cherished items is this image i have of
thee
With chestnut locks of hair cascading around your head
like an angelic halo
You invoke feelings i thought long past dormant
Powerful emotions of love, longing, desire, and
passion
Although sully your virtue not i desire to do, rather
Capture your heart within mine and mine within yours
Do with me as you please
M'lady i am yours to command
Join with me though, I ask of ye
For together a thousand years is but a day

~Shizumu

[Shizumu]

Wandering emotional sea's of uncertanty
Looking both left and right
Trusting only in what can be seen, heard and felt
Hopeing always with what little remains
Trying to find that someone worthy enough
To place the longing of my heart
Always stumbling on this path
Till I meet you, the days were bleak and weary
Only now can I hope to place my hopes in you
A matter of the heart I know,
Perhaps yes... perhaps no
True love is what we all seek
Always the chance that you are all I'll ever
     need, want or desire

~Shizumu

[Shizumu]

Over yon pasture bathed in the light of the moon
A figure of enchantment walks towards me
Growing closer and closer, every detail made more
clear
She approaches ever nearer, a heavenly body in her own
right.
Beauty upon beauty, breathtaking in all her glory.
She closes my mouth and giggles at my reaction.
Shooting star, grant me my wish!
Let this moment last forever, forever and ever.
Love of my life, my soul unto thee, linger with me
anon
My life entwined with yours in eternity.
Oh, shooting stars grant me my wish!

~Shizumu

[Shizumu]

This soul ere not be as it seems
dark, dreary, void, opaque
what you wish to obtain no other yet has
thick walls, tower miles high...

beyond the clouds, above the air birds fly
hewn over years of self preservation
chisled out of the hardest substance
these thick walls, towering miles high

beyond even the keeper of this castle
doth the words needed to enter
to lower the protection offered by
these thick walls, towering miles high.

doth thou be in understanding?
Thee comprehends not the issues involved
Nor the complexities entwined within
prevention ensued and thus they be barricaded
these walls, towering miles high

~Shizumu

[Shizumu]

And from whence the depths we came
Struggling ever the bonds which hold us
Upwards higher and higher reaching for the light
The calming cheerful radience of above
Beckoning us from within to rise upwards
To let us shine forth our truest potential
In our goal to strive for perfection
Cleaving the impurities from within along our trip
As we suffer to avoid the filth around
Claimed junk of others prior and present
Still remaining to cause suffering to those
Trying to attain that which we all desire
Almost as if guardians attempting to contain
The mass of bodies scraping and clawing
Ever upwards ever higher ever continuing
All the while making the guards stronger
With the refuse of those who could not continue
Through the ages the path becomes nearly unattainable
Those made to stop the flow of the pressing masses
Have through time acheived near godlike status
From the pain, rejection, and refuse of others
Deemed worthless from those have traveled beyond
Nary a care or regard for they beneith
Always and ever more the journey flawed
As this world gives not an iota for your desires.

~Shizumu

[Dracos]

first poem.

story wise it was quite nifty, amusing to read.  I had problems though with it appearing to lack a visible cant or rhythm to it when reading it.  The formatting was solid five line brick style, which given this is personal monologue might create beter effect if organized differently.  I'd suggest reading a  bit of faulkner for a stronger stream of consciousness flow in it.

I'd keep the end line as it's the closest thing to a cant you have and adds a tying theme to the poem.

Fearless leader

[Alucard]

"I Never Saw the Ocean"

I never saw the ocean
I never saw the sea

The crabs, the birds, the shells, and things
Were strange as they could be

No vision of a distant place
Nor picture of nature's daughter

Could have prepared me for the awesome race
of wind and sea and water.

Copyright ©2002 Robert Joseph Otlowski

[Dracos]

Hum.  I never did get back to commenting on these.  Bad Dracos that. ^_^

Hum, Alucard's is rather nice.  Short, but effective.  Good cant throughout.  Could use another verse or three to get the rhythm to a full circle about back to the intro nicely, but it works well as is.

Will get to the others, posting tyme is short though! ^_^

Fearless Leader

[Alucard]

Yeah, I'm thinking about expanding it and pulling a William Blake and having a stanza at the beginning repeated at the end with one word change (as in The Tyger). I'll post it if and when it is complete.

[Shadow Knight]

My heart beats in a steady rythm.
My eyes lock on whom I dream of.
My throat dries up as if full of sand.
My chance passes and I loose my time.

Another opportunity lost.
Another time I shall try to talk.
Tell her of my feelings for her.
Of the love I feel when I hear her name.

Perhaps I am letting my feelings control me...
but a human without feelings is just a hollow husk that is soulless.
Perhaps I shouldn't fall in love so easily...
but tell that to the heart that sings to me.

I don't know what I shall do.
Tell her of my feelings or not at all?
I guess I'm just afraid to take a fall.
But I vow to myself, right here and now.
I will confess my feelings for her...
the next time and place I see her face.

The end

Not my best... but I think it was pretty good.

[Dracos]

Geesh, use a spellchecker.  Misspelling words in the middle of a poem is bad unless it's used for intentional cant.  It's almost four-four, but it lacks any rhyme scheme as well as a natural cant.  It's clearly a romantic themed poem, but it meanders too much to have much impact.

Dracos