Lord of the Rings: Return of the King

[Dracos]

This game is like that car you look at across the street.  You know, the red one that looks really expensive and has the little jaguar statuette on it's hood.  The one with the sexy blonde girl in the tight white shirt sitting and gesturing for you to come over and give it a spin.  And you do, because you know, something this cool you just have to take a look at.  And you adjust the mirror, taking a glance back at the cute blonde girl in the tight white shirt.   And you think: "Damn this is the life."  Then you turn on the sound system, and it's playing your favorite song.  Your rev up the car and your off.  And you know, it handles pretty darn smoothly.  You feel like you're at the top of the world.

Then you try and turn on your headlights...and realize they don't work.

Then you hit the breaks...and find they are missin'.

That my friends...  is EA's latest Lord of the Rings: Return of the King video game for the Playstation 2 system.  It is a visual and cinematic extravaganza with some...very important features missing.  The first thing I noticed was that the game flings you right into the action... which is damned cool.  Confusing, but damned cool.  And it does it right from the movie...blending top of the line CG with video footage.  And when you first start playing it...it's a lot of fun.  Even looks like they put some depth and thought into it.  You cruise along through the first and then second levels and it's all fun and games...

And then you start to realize that all of the characters are almost interchangable.  That the AI is all but non-existent and you might as well be fighting by yourself because you can stand there and watch your 'fellowship' stand beside you and do absolutely nothing even if you are swarmed by beasts (In reality they do exactly one stroke per three minutes or so.  Compared to a players fifty or so per one minute).  That the guys fighting beside you are nothing more than decoration.  That the level designs seemed to have been built by fucking retards who seem to find it enjoyable to tell you to save some random guy on a BATTLEFIELD without having the decency to scroll from you to where the guy is so you have a clue where the guy you are supposed to be defending is standing.

In conclusion: This is the prettist game created by guys who loved the movie and neglected to pay their game designers well enough to make sure the parts underneath worked right.  A real pity as the motion capturing and art they did for the game must've been a real fucking pain to accomplish and is deserve of a thumbs up.

If you want a fun hack and slash, rent the game, and go down the paths where you just stab things.  You'll have fun doing it.  Ignore the attempt to pretend it's an rpg and just stab things and you'll have a fair bit of fun.

Dracos

[baka]

I would have considered buying the game if my computer was up to handling it. As it is, I really don't think I'll bother. Even if it didn't claim to be an RPG, I don't think I would. Even in a hack and slash game I'd expect good level design and the rest of your side to actually do some fighting.

Nice simile at the beginning, by the way. ^_^

-Rob-