Soulriders Writers Challenge!

[Ragnar]

Well, if you ask me (clearly a sign of bad judgement),

Olg: Interesting. I've never actually played any of the FF games (save beginning FF1 and 2), but I thought it was particularly funny at the beginning:

It would've been dramatic. It could've been poetic.

Ragnar: Sheer Brilliance. I worship the ground you walk on.
Seriously, though, I did sorta force the ending a little, mainly because I had a time limit of about half an hour before I had to go for a short trip.

Justin Carr: Very good plot. I also couldn't figure out how he resembled a poker game, but then I figured it out. You have a good concept, but I felt that the story didn't flow smoothly enough.

Alviss: Nice. I thought it was very well written, although I still think Calvin would be more likely to call her "Susie."

Edward: Very good. I also haven't seen Rayearth, but it still came out as very strong. The only thing I could see is:

Though when something finally shattered the dream, it wasn't something from the past.

I would have thought it was something from the past, seeing as Ranma-kun was in Ranma-chan's past. The trigger isn't in the past, but I would specify that.

Pana: A little too violent for my likes, but the main thing to me is that there isn't much of a plot or character development.

Others: I'll get around to reading them. Busy busy busy.

Right now, my vote would go to Edward.

[Justin Carr]

I also couldn't figure out how he resembled a poker game, but then I figured it out.

You have no idea how badly I want to go back and fix that little gaff now, but the contest is over and I can't go back and fix it. I'll have have to cringe every time I look at that story now. Oh well. The reason I posted at this site was to bone up on my writing skills and I have been paying attention to all the advice given, on matter how painful it is to hear. The moment that you think that you can't make any mistakes is the moment that your writing skills go downhill. There is a reason God made editors. They are a splash of cold water in the face of writers suffering from the sin of hubris.

[CyMage]

Olguin:  A nice scene which reminds me of the many times I wished I could kill party members so the annoyance would stop.  The actual violence using sprites made it an interesting contrast to the others.

Ragnar:  The setup is good... Until the end.  The reason behind the violence is questionable.  It would have just been simpler to go to the police or wherever and force the guy to pay up again.  And more profitable.

Justin:  Interesting one.  Had me think BattleTech for a sec from the early descriptions.  There is a couple things that made me wonder.  The soldiers acted casual about the mech as if it was common place, yet they used normal weapons to try and stop it.  Wouldn't it be likely that they used something more powerfull?  On the other hand, the boy made it seem like the mech was something really alien and would more likely be locked up in Area 51.

Merc:  Good work on gettting the feel of the comics in that.  Though as you admited, it's long.  I think about half that would have been perfect as Calvin's fantasies never go on for too long.

Edward:  Good one.  The set up for the tiny bit of violence is a good read on it's own.  

Pana:  Violence, fair bit of it too.  But it lacks anything beyond that.   This is the kind of a scene where my eyes just skim past it, looking for some meatier reading in the story.  

Midi:  Pretty good.  The excessive violence at the end didn't seem out of place like with Pana's entry because of the rest of the scene.  One problem I saw is that it's a collaboration between three people, unlike the other stories.  Though I might poke you and the others for the whole fic once it's out.

Kwok:  While technically it might be an ABC/Sluggy cross, it doesn't feel that way to me.  From what I recall of ABC, and it's been a while, it was mostly from Ranma's POV.   Other then that it's pretty good.  You always had a flair for the gory violence.

I think my favourite would be Edward with the minimalist approach.  Though Olg and Merc get a nod for amusing ones.

[Dracos]

You know, we were going to declare a winner, but thinking on it, I believe this method is better.  Just a general short commentaries.  ^_^

Dracos

[Ragnar]

Hey, you can't taunt us like that! I'm curious. Who was gonna win?

[Dracos]

I have a certification in taunting people.  Bidah! :p

Dracos

[Edward]

I try to reply to all comments on my work and apologize for the belatedness of my response.  I appreciate all the feedback.

Edward: Very nice.  Good usage of source material.

Thank you.  The first time I saw Hikaru use a tablecloth as a martial arts weapon, I knew she had to be related to Ranma.

Edward: You score points for handling the violence indirectly, which nobody else tried to do. A well put together scene, and an -interesting- premise. :)

Thanks, there are advantages to the indirect approach.  Now if I could just figure somewhere to go with the premise...

Edward: Eek, split-Ranma story :) Written well though and kept you guessing til the end. Somewhat scary too. I'm assuming Tatewaki somehow found some magic to split girl-Ranma off from boy Ranma. Confused as to whether Tatewaki died or something though, in the accident...

Heh.  But how may of those don't decide to make it a Ranma-Ranma pairing?  :)  I decided to make it split-Ranma to make it less dark.  (Or would you prefer a locked curse story?)  :) Rez correctly figured out what happened; did anyone besides Rahkal find that part confusing?

Edward: I really liked this one. Never seen Magic Knights Rayearth though, so some of the references didn't make sense but I think I was able to piece together what was going on.

Thanks.  I'm glad that knowing Rayearth wasn't  necessary to understanding this.  That was my intention and it's encouraging to hear that I succeeded.

Edward: Very good. I also haven't seen Rayearth, but it still came out as very strong. The only thing I could see is:

Though when something finally shattered the dream, it wasn't something from the past.

I would have thought it was something from the past, seeing as Ranma-kun was in Ranma-chan's past. The trigger isn't in the past, but I would specify that.

An excellent point, I'll have to figure how to rewrite the trigger bit.

Edward:  Good one.  The set up for the tiny bit of violence is a good read on it's own.  

And thank you as well.

Again, I appreciate the feedback everyone provided here.  Makes a nice change from ff.net.  :)