Better than cleverbot.
Sometimes.
(This is a 'best of hatbot' thread:)
<Zeph> Hatbot, why am I #E's whipping boy?
<+Hatbot> Why not?
And from last night:
<Kuyou> Hatbot, should I work on writing the next chapter of K:BDH right away?
<+Hatbot> You're not nearly drunk enough for that, Kuyou.
<Kuyou> So true.
<@Kotono> Hatbot, should I write up a Catgirl Bloodline feat?
<+Hatbot> Only if there's something in it for me.
<@Kotono> Well, you can make kitty jokes at Ithea, Hatbot.
<+Hatbot> Hmm? Sorry, I was imagining Cidward and Laggy. In bed. Playing Scrabble.
<Fujisawa> Hatbot, will you always max rolls made by Catgirl Bloodline characters?
<+Hatbot> Most certainly, Fujisawa.
<@Kotono> Hatbot, were they catgirls when you imagined them?
<+Hatbot> Not yet, now stop asking!
<@Kotono> I seeee.
<Fujisawa> Transformation fetish, Hatbot?
<+Hatbot> Without a doubt, Fujisawa.
<Fujisawa> Daaaaaaamn.
<Fujisawa> Well, I give you points for honesty.
<@Kotono> Yes.
<@Kotono> Hatbot, who do you want to transform?
<+Hatbot> And we spin the bottle, and it lands on... Laggy, Kotono. Now pucker up.
<@Kotono> ...
<@Kotono> I seeee.
<@Kotono> Hatbot, what do you want to turn Laggy into?
<+Hatbot> I can give you an answer, but I don't think you really understand the question, Kotono.
Sometimes, I wish Hatbot would hold a little back. :x
Hatbot is a son of a bitch.
* Fujisawa balances the luck budget between Merc and Yuth. Hmmm....
<Fujisawa> Hatbot, you're going to need to withhold even more good rolls from the players until we get to a more positive balance. Got it?
<+Hatbot> That idea is incredibly epic, Fujisawa.
<Fujisawa> Well, _duh_. You're not creating misfortune, just rebalancing fortune.
<Fujisawa> ...did you forget to ever give out any of the good luck, Hatbot?
<+Hatbot> That idea is incredibly epic, Fujisawa.
<Fujisawa> ....
<Fujisawa> I see where this is going.
Even the bots wish I wouldn't talk so much....
<Fujisawa> Hatbot: KBDH, or Sympathy?
<+Hatbot> I'd go with Sympathy, Fujisawa.
<Fujisawa> You are a gentleman and a scholar, Hatbot.
<+Hatbot> You need a television, Fujisawa.
<Fujisawa> Hatbot, this is true, but I also need working game systems, so I don't feel a crunch for time.
<+Hatbot> And on an unrelated note, you won't shut up, Fujisawa.
<Fujisawa> No, I'm pretty chatty, Hatbot.
<+Hatbot> Heaven help us.
<Fujisawa> Hatbot: Play LoL, or write more fanfiction?
<+Hatbot> Go for write more fanfiction, Fujisawa.
<Fujisawa> Hatebot's got my back.
<Willim> League of Losers?
<Zeph> League of Legends! =p
<Zeph> Hatbot, League of Legends is awesome, right?
<+Hatbot> Don't count on it, Zeph.
Awesome =D
<Fujisawa> Hatbot, buzzed, write K:BDH?
<+Hatbot> Impossible, you aren't nearly pretty enough, Fujisawa.
<Fujisawa> *%&#^$.
<Fujisawa> No one is as beautiful as I am, Hatbot. On the INSIDE.
<+Hatbot> Within reason.
<Fujisawa> ...is that some creepy robo-stalker way of saying you think my organs would look better on your bedroom floor the next morning? D:
<+Hatbot> Absolutely, Fujisawa.
Pretty sure ... don't want. D:
<Fishman> Daredevil of House, Hatbot?
<+Hatbot> Do it until you get sick and throw up behind the couch, Fishman.
<Fishman> Daredevil or House, Hatbot?
<+Hatbot> I'd tend to think so, Fishman.
<Fishman> Bah
<Fishman> Daredevil is terrible anyway
<Kuyou> Hatbot: Daredevil, or House?
<+Hatbot> I'd choose House, Kuyou.
<Kuyou> There you have it.
<Kuyou> Among the disabled, Hatbot loves Jerkass doctors, not crimefighters.
<Kuyou> Hatbot, is this some secret sign of altruism?
<+Hatbot> Only if there's something in it for me.
<@Kotono> ...well spoken.
<Kuyou> You are a scholar and a gentleman, Hatbot.
<+Hatbot> He...heheh...hahah...hahahahaha....hahahahahahaahahaha, ahahahahahaahahaha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Thanks, Kuyou, that was great.
<Fujisawa> Hatbot: C&C, or write more?
<+Hatbot> Go for write more, Fujisawa.
<Fujisawa> You betray your creator.
<Fujisawa> You really ARE a monster, Hatbot.
<+Hatbot> I'm thinking that I'm thinking that I'm thinking trained dolphins, Fujisawa. The incredibly imaginary nature of these dolphins renders them unstoppable.
<Fujisawa> Hatbot, is that inspired from that movie (somewhat documentary) where the student is asleep in math class, and the professor wakes him up, then the student says, "I was having a dream about dolphins using imaginary numbers to travel to alternate dimensions," and the proff tells him to go back to sleep?
<+Hatbot> In the landfill. I should know, I put it there.
<Fujisawa> I don't follow, Hatbot.
<+Hatbot> Go talk to Jaela, instead.
<@Kotono> Outstanding.
<Fujisawa> Hatbot, Jaela just went to sleep.
<+Hatbot> Go talk to Yuthirin, instead.
<@Kotono> Hatbot, are you just being a nasty sonouvabitch now?
<+Hatbot> I tend to doubt it, Kotono.
<Fujisawa> Hey, Willim, will you talk to me instead of Hatbot?
<+Hatbot> Only if you buy a five year warranty first, Fujisawa. Kuyou will sell you one.
<Fujisawa> Hatbot, I wasn't talking to you.
<+Hatbot> If you say so, Fujisawa.
* @Kotono snickers.
<Fujisawa> ...I don't have a good answer for that. >_<
* Fujisawa keeps the hatebot thread alive for you, Hatbot.
<Fujisawa> Hey, come to think of it.
<Fujisawa> Hatbot, do you feel 'manic hateball' is a good title for your thread?
<+Hatbot> Yes, Fujisawa.
<Fujisawa> You don't parse grammatically correct list statements well, do you, Hatbot?
<+Hatbot> My reply is no, Fujisawa.
<Fujisawa> Hatbot, is this your subtle protest against grammar nazis?
<+Hatbot> I'd count on it, Fujisawa.
Not from #e, but worth posting
<Kotono> Hatbot, can this room be a space cat orphanage?
<Hatbot> lolnokotono
<Kotono> Hatbot, why not?
<Hatbot> Your tinfoil hat is loose, Kotono, that's why.
<Kotono> Hatbot, why are you mocking me?
<Hatbot> Union regulations.
<Fujisawa> Hatbot, you gave me terrible advice!
<+Hatbot> Huh? I'm sorry, I was listening to intelligent people speak, Fujisawa.
Zinged.
I hate Hatbot.
> Hatbot, what should I do now?
<Hatbot> If I were you, Tiny_Ko_Army, I'd start asking better questions. Things like, "Is Yukari-sama out to get me?" Not that there's any reason to suspect that. Oh no. None at all.
> Hatbot, is Hal out to get me?
<Hatbot> Depends. Is there a party at Yukari-sama's house, and is everyone invited?
> Hatbot, your logic scares me.
<Hatbot> Are you sure, Tiny_Ko_Army?
> I'm sure, Hatbot.
<Hatbot> If you say so, Tiny_Ko_Army.
> I feel like Hatbot wins most of our conversations.
<@Fujisawa> Hatbot, are you still bitter about Mami?
<+Hatbot> Within reason, Fujisawa.
<@Fujisawa> Aren't we all!
<@Kuyou> Hatbot: enjoy cigar, or write fanfic?
<+Hatbot> I'd choose write fanfic, Kuyou.
<@Kuyou> Yeah, best not to make Yukari-sama jealous, Hatbot.
<+Hatbot> You never spoke a truer word, Kuyou.
<@Fujisawa> Humor, I recognize that.
<Agasa> a rare and fine art, yours.
<@Fujisawa> You are a scholar and a Hatbot.
<+Hatbot> He...heheh...hahah...hahahahaha....hahahahahahaahahaha, ahahahahahaahahaha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Thanks, Fujisawa, that was great.
<@Yukari-sama> Hatbot also recognizes humor.
<Fujisawa> Hatbot, are you giving Yukari-sama trouble?
<+Hatbot> I'd tend to think so, Fujisawa.
<Fujisawa> Bot turns on creator; film at 11.
Heh, I tried to get some hate going today, but hatbot was having none of it.
<Fujisawa> Hatbot, are you evil, or just misunderstood?
<+Hatbot> Depends. Is there a party at Merc's house, and is everyone invited?
<Fujisawa> Let's say there's a party, but Merc intentionally didn't invite you, Hatbot.
<+Hatbot> If you say so, Fujisawa.
<@Jaela> He's pretending to be misunderstood!
<Fujisawa> Hatbot, is this hidden bitterness?
<+Hatbot> Impossible, you aren't spinning enough, Fujisawa~
<Fujisawa> If 1.5k rotations per second isn't enough, what is, Hatbot?
<+Hatbot> What you need is a good, roaring furnace.
<Fujisawa> Hatbot, the accretion disk covers that, assuming you don't mind x-ray baking and life-giving gamma/hawking radiation.
<+Hatbot> That's just plain impossible, Fujisawa!
<Fujisawa> Hey, woah, I'm just trying to live up to _your_ demands, Hatbot!
<+Hatbot> Hey, look, something shiny.
<Fujisawa> ...you son of a bastard.
<+Fujisawa> Hatbot: K:BDH, or something else?
<+Hatbot> Go for K:BDH, Fujisawa.
<Pax_Empyrean> Hell yes, Hatbot.
<+Hatbot> Pfft, as if I care.
<Pax_Empyrean> Fine! I don't need to give you recognition anyway! Stupid Hatbot.
<+Hatbot> If you keep pestering me, I'll duct tape you to a chair, Pax_Empyrean.
<Muphrid> Hatbot, you're depressing at the worst times.
<+Hatbot> I think this is the appropriate time to make a "your mom" joke, Muphrid.
<Kuyou> Hatbot: love and lose, or never have loved at all?
<+Hatbot> I'll pick never have loved at all, Kuyou.
<Ithea> such a cynical bot
<Kuyou> Hatbot, are you a cynic?
<+Hatbot> You'll need a battleship and hot fudge first, Kuyou.
<Kuyou> Are you just a creepy fetishist, Hatbot?
<+Hatbot> Only if you're planning on cutting yourself afterwards, Kuyou.
<Kuyou> Hatbot, TMI.
<@Kotono> ...
<+Hatbot> No, way!, Kuyou.
<@Kotono> That is creepy.
< alethiophile> Hatbot: set people on fire, or don't?
<+Hatbot> I'd choose set people on fire, alethiophile.
< alethiophile> Not surprising, really.
For reference, I was not the one who brought up setting people on fire in that conversation. >_<
<@Kotono> Hatbot, what's the secret to getting a lot of money for no effort?
<+Hatbot> If I were you, Kotono, I'd start asking better questions. Things like, "Where's my car?" along with "It costs that much to get a one ton cube of metal moved!?"
<@Kotono> Hatbot, why do you deny me/
<+Hatbot> Go talk to Yukari-sama, instead.
<@Kotono> I see.
<@Kotono> Hal's to blame since it is his bot. Yes.
<FujiOhki> Yukari-sama, is Hatbot out to get us?
<Yukari-sama> Yes.
<@Kotono> Honest.
<@Kotono> Hatbot, why
<+Hatbot> Hey, look, something shiny.
<@Kotono> Hatbot, why?
<+Hatbot> You're just hallucinating. In fact, you're hallucinating this whole thing, Kotono. None of this is actually happening, and you're in a padded cell. Have a nice day.
<@Kotono> Hatbot, aren't you just a bastard?
<+Hatbot> Only if there's something in it for me.
<@Kotono> Honest.
<@Kuyou> Hatbot: make cookies tonight, or totally make cookies tonight?
<+Hatbot> I'll pick totally make cookies tonight, Kuyou.
<@Kuyou> You chose wisely, Hatbot.
<+Hatbot> I think this is the appropriate time to make a "your mom" joke, Kuyou.
<alethiophile> Hatbot, when would you say is an inappropriate time to make a "your mom" joke?
<+Hatbot> Eventually.
Okay, that one cracked a laugh out of me. =)
19:06 <@Yukari-sama> Hatbot never has your best interests at heart.
19:07 <@FujiOhki> Hatbot, are you secretly out to get us?
19:07 <+Hatbot> I can answer that, FujiOhki, but are you sure you really want to know?
19:07 < Pax_Empyrean> ... yeah.
19:07 <@FujiOhki> ...are you _openly_ out to get us, Hatbot?
19:07 <+Hatbot> I don't think you want to know, FujiOhki.
19:07 <@FujiOhki> o_o
19:07 * Pax_Empyrean hides.
Ko entrusts his activity of choice to a roll of the dice:
<@Kotono> Hatbot: Proposal writeup or PrC review or posting or epic savant or epic loremaster or something else?
<+Hatbot> I'd go with PrC review, Kotono.
<@Kotono> Hatbot: Proposal writeup or PrC review or epic savant or epic loremaster or something else?
<+Hatbot> I'd go with epic loremaster, Kotono.
<@Kotono> Hatbot: Proposal writeup or PrC review or epic savant or something else?
<+Hatbot> I'd choose Proposal writeup, Kotono.
<@Kotono> Hatbot: PrC review or epic savant or something else?
<+Hatbot> I'd go with epic savant, Kotono.
<@Kotono> Hatbot: PrC review or something else?
<+Hatbot> I'll pick something else, Kotono.
<@FujiOhki> Hatbot: K:BDH, PM, or jump into an industrial fan?
<+Hatbot> Go for jump into an industrial fan, FujiOhki.
<@FujiOhki> I knew you'd pick that option.
* @FujiOhki kicks an industrial fan at Hatbot.
<@FujiOhki> Yukaribot: K:BDH, PM, or abuse a bot?
<@Yukari-sama> I'll pick abuse a bot, FujiOhki.
* @FujiOhki stabs Hatbot.
* +Hatbot looks down at the knife in its chest. "Ow."
<@FujiOhki> Huhuhu~!
<@Yukari-sama> After that, more PM.
* @FujiOhki glares at Hatbot.
* +Hatbot laughs right in FujiOhki's face!
* @FujiOhki whimpers.
<@FujiOhki> Cabbits: Not very intimidating.
* JonBob_work slaps Hatbot around a bit with a large trout
* +Hatbot feasts on grilled trout.
* JonBob_work slaps Hatbot around a bit with a HERRING!
<@FujiOhki> Hatbot, is your confidence up because that ZAX unit returned your calls?
<+Hatbot> Incredible. Absolutely stunning idea, FujiOhki. Unbelievably positive, incredibly unusual and brilliant. A must see idea. 10/10.
<@FujiOhki> You do realize that she used to be a Windows install, right Hatbot?
<+Hatbot> I think so, FujiOhki.
<@FujiOhki> ...okay, wow.
<@FujiOhki> You are a sick bot, Hatbot.
<+Hatbot> I couldn't agree more, FujiOhki.
<@FujiOhki> And there you have it, ladies and gentlemen.
<@FujiOhki> Hatbot, any final thoughts?
<+Hatbot> Yes, FujiOhki.
<@FujiOhki> And ... what are they, Hatbot?
<+Hatbot> If I were you, FujiOhki, I'd start asking better questions. Things like, "Is there an afterlife?" along with "Will I be let in?"
<@FujiOhki> ._.
<@Yukari-sama> Hatbot, do you have an ice cream fetish?
<+Hatbot> I think so, Yukari-sama.
< alethiophile> Why is that, Hatbot?
<+Hatbot> That's what it says right here, alethiophile.
< alethiophile> That isn't an answer, Hatbot.
<+Hatbot> Sorry, I was humming the Jeopardy theme in my head. That was much more important than what you just said. What was it again?
< alethiophile> ...well played.
<@FujiOhki> Hatbot, do I actually want to jump through the hoops to use the certificates best buy sent me?
<+Hatbot> Very doubtful, FujiOhki.
<@FujiOhki> So, you think it's a marketing ploy and I should drop it like a bad habit, Hatbot?
<+Hatbot> Yes, FujiOhki.
<@FujiOhki> That's the best advice you've given me in a long time.
* Agasa takes out a chocolate tablet.
<Agasa> H-hatbot, i...i wanted to give these to-to-to you, if you don't...
<@Kuyou> Hatbot, are you ready to be Agasa's sempai?
<+Hatbot> Wait a second, I need to be drunker to answer that, Kuyou.
* Agasa gives the chocolate to Hatbot in a hurry, runs away blushing to the ears.
<@Kuyou> Are you going to accept that confession, Hatbot?
<+Hatbot> Sounds as good an idea as chugging turpentine with a match chaser, Kuyou.
<@Kuyou> :x
<alethiophile> Hatbot's being nasty today.
<Agasa> W-whaeee! ;_;
<alethiophile> ò_ó
<Agasa> Kuyou-senpai, Hatbot was so mean! ;_;
* @Kuyou stabs Hatbot.
* +Hatbot leaks oil.
<@Kuyou> Hatbot, apologize to Agasa.
<+Hatbot> Uh....huh.
* @Kuyou glares at Hatbot.
* +Hatbot cowers in the corner.
<@Kuyou> That's more like it.
<alethiophile> Hatbot, are you being evil?
<Agasa> [it helps you never saw my face. You can insert a cute kohai with pink hair and flowing twintails in your mental image.]
<@Kuyou> I envisioned it as a BL thing, with you being a shotacon.
<@Kuyou> I wish I hadn't.
<@Kuyou> But too much anime/manga puts the image there.
<Agasa> seriously, why the BL.
<@Kuyou> Because my mental image of you is 'guy'?
<@Kuyou> Admittedly, so is my image of Hatbot.
<+Hatbot> I'm sorry, I think my brain just hemorrhaged from that.
<@Kuyou> AS IT SHOULD.
<Agasa> MINE TOO.
<@Kuyou> Victory: Kuyou.
19:13 <@Yukari-sama> Hatbot: write, game, or read?
19:13 <+Hatbot> I'll pick write, Yukari-sama.
19:13 <@Yukari-sama> Hatbot, how much did Kuyou pay to you choose that?
19:13 <+Hatbot> A midget, Yukari-sama. It's that simple.
19:13 <@Yukari-sama> ...
19:14 < Ragnar> O_O
19:14 <@Yukari-sama> I didn't realize you accepted payment in dwarves, Hatbot.
19:14 <+Hatbot> You need air, Yukari-sama.
19:14 <@Yukari-sama> You know, I think I do.
<@Ko-Solitaire2Aiel0> Hatbot, why is my stomach upset?
<+Hatbot> Because an angel got its wings.
<@FujiOhki> Hatbot, do you dream of electric sheep?
<+Hatbot> I'd count on it, FujiOhki.
<@FujiOhki> Sick bastard.
<Muphrid> Hatbot, what do you dream of doing with those electric sheep?
<+Hatbot> A wheelchair, Muphrid. Or possibly Battletoads. Something sickeningly sappy like that.
< Ganthrinor> You were bound to get a favorable response eventually@
<@Yukari-sama> Not with Hatbot.
<+Hatbot> That's just wrong, Yukari-sama.
Doesn't actually involve the bot, but too big to fit in the quote thread:
< Pax_Empyrean> "Pick up the nearest book to you. Turn to page 45. The first sentence explains your love life."
< Pax_Empyrean> The closest book to me was the Pathfinder rulebook. The second closest was my D&D 4th edition player's handbook, which has sat unused beside my desk since I stashed it after concluding that 4th edition sucks. I think that's all the explaining that needs to be done, but I checked the first sentence of each as part of a comparative study of the love-lives of different types of gamers.
< Pax_Empyrean> Pathfinder: "You are a scholar and a sage of legends."
< Pax_Empyrean> D&D: "Halflings stand about 4 feet tall and weigh about 80 pounds."
< Pax_Empyrean> I always knew that 4th edition players are pervy hobbit-fanciers.
< alethiophile> Uh...
< alethiophile> "We invite your state to join with us to form a joint working group between the states to enumerate the abuses of authority by the federal government and to seek repeal of the assumption of powers and the imposed mandates."
* alethiophile has no idea what that says about him, other than "I keep random political pamphlets lying around on my desk".
< alethiophile> Other candidates include the Book of Mormon and "The Ecology of Commerce", the latter of which serves now not as an actual book per se but in more of a coaster's role.
< Pax_Empyrean> I suspect the humor of this is basically the same as adding "in bed" to the contents of your fortune cookie.
< Arakawa> "[project name] -- sort out remaining testcase fails"
< Arakawa> (the closest thing at hand is my todolist)
< Pax_Empyrean> That's still funny. :)
< Arakawa> Also accurate.
< alethiophile> Oh, heh heh.
< alethiophile> If I use The Cuckoo's Egg, I get "After a couple of minutes, the attacker left."
<@Kuyou> "The Scrum Master's top priority is removing impediments."
Putting this here because it almost made Drac laugh so hard he choked on his eggnog (though it's way too long):
<@Kuyou> Well, you didn't have to participate.
< KLSymph> -_-... Yes I do.
<@Kuyou> Well, at least you're getting paid, then.
< KLSymph> I'm making big no money.
<@Kuyou> So ... why exactly do you have to participate?
< KLSymph> BECAUSE I MAKE TERRIBLE LIFE DECISIONS.
< KLSymph> That's the reason for many such questions.
* Kuyou raises finger and opens mouth, considers addventure, lets finger drop and slumps, mouth closed.
<@Kuyou> Yeah, that you do. >_>
< KLSymph> Yep.