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"So ... what do you know about 'Saki-nyan?" Tsuruya wondered.
Missing (or extraneous) single quotation mark.
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"Not just him, but his other girlfriends, too," the heiress clarified.
"...right," Ichiro said slowly. 'Other' girlfriends?
That's... not something that she can pass off as a verbal tic xD.
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[Scene from Sasaki's PoV]
Sasaki's narration feels different from her previous ones. Perhaps less analytical?... That's not it. I think the expression I'm looking for is "less
reserved". Her thoughts in this scene lack of the super-ego-suppressing thing from before, which I think correlates with the improvement in her circumstances. I don't know if I'm making much sense of myself on this one :P.
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She could only imagine how upset Kyon would be if she'd gone to handle it alone, especially if she made a mistake.
Or her father and the kumichou – she doubted they'd be pleased with her, either.
She has her priorities straight, no doubt about it xD.
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"I am his subordinate, and he is your subordinate. Therefore, I am your subordinate, too."
I can't help but be reminded of French feudalism: "le vassal de mon vassal n'est pas mon vassal." /unrelated
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"Asakura," Yuki answered quietly.
"Asakura" → "Asakura Ryouko". I like the way it is now, though.
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Despite that, when she tried to merge a simple mass of sugar and brown sugar – a spheroid only as far across as light could travel in a mere thousand rotations – it didn't work the way she'd hoped. That was a sufficiently small quantity, wasn't it? Even so, strange effects that were much less pronounced when Mikuru did it became evident.
After mixing in the other components at the correct ratio, then arraying it in a layer the correct distance from the sun for the right amount of time, she ended up consistently getting something very cookie-like, but it somehow wasn't quite right, either.
Is Kuyou saying that she made a cookie fifty times as big as Jupiter (volume) and used a G-class star as an oven!? Wait a minute. She said "consistently getting" which mean she did it several times!!? O_O
Mmmm... Is there something wrong with me if after the initial surprise I think that was something adorable of her?
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In fact, from what Kuyou could observe via Ryouko, Kyon had just finished a round of that entanglement Kuyou wanted to try with Suzumiya Haruhi and the Other that tried to harmonize – Michikyuu Kanae.
With "a round" she means the three of them at the same time? IINM Kyon, Haruhi and Kanae were in their way home at the time, so I wonder how they did it without getting caught. On the other hand, considering the powers at their disposal (Roof-hopping, Flight and Teleportation, respectively), it's possible that they made any random rooftop an improvised "make-out point" xD.
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Kyon raised his eyebrows, then smiled. "I can't really be surprised that my sister gets along with beings like you and Ryouko can I? I said at one point she reminded me of Haruhi enough I shouldn't worry about her so much ... and I guess that's true!"
"Asakura" instead of "Ryouko" in Kyon's dialogue. Although, I think he has being calling her by her given name for a short while now.
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He hesitated a moment, then gave her a warm smile – now that was an effect more interesting than even making cookies! What an amazing sensation! She wanted to feel it again, so when he took her hand hand and warped space, she was extra mindful of the precautions that Yuki and Ryouko had explained human bodies needed against some of the subatomic particles that evidently weren't helpful to most physical forms at that scale.
Repeated word.
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He hopped to the ground, not surprised when Kuyou followed him. He was also not surprised when Shinobu appeared – that woman was absolutely a ninja – and gave him a polite greeting. "Kyon-dono, I'm afraid that Haruka-chan isn't in at the moment. Is there something I can help you with?"
"Er, I know that Tsuruya-hime is out," Kyon sighed, scratching the back of his head anxiously. "Ah ... I was hoping to wait until she got back to talk to her."
"Ah," Shinobu said quietly, looking mildly anxious. "Haruka-chan does mean well," she said softly.
It gives me the impression that Shinobu jumped a little too quickly to the conclusion Kyon knew about Tsuruya's initiative related to the Sumiyoshi-rengo. Perhaps changing Kyon's line to "Ah ... I was hoping to wait until she got back from Osaka to talk to her"?
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"Is there anything that I can offer to help you, in the meantime?" the woman asked, one hand dabbing at her eyes. Looking to Kuyou, she pursed her lips. "Or perhaps you, young lady? You must have been in a kitchen recently – you've gotten sugar and flour all over yourself."
Kyon realized he hadn't even noticed ... that girl did seem to love her cookies
Considering the color of Kuyou's hair and her school uniform, I wonder how Kyon failed to notice that. Perhaps because of poor illumination, after all rooftops are relatively dark places at night if the building in question is taller than the surrounding structures (in some cases regulations demand aircraft warning lights, but that's pretty much it) /nitpicking
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The shorter girl looked up at him coolly, while Tsuruya blushed and and giggled nervously. "Shall we go in?" he asked, gesturing to the gate.
How about "intently" instead of "coolly"? Also, "and and" → "and"
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Yuki didn't mind whatever Tsuruya's cook brought them. Mikuru was a better cook by far, but the food was still 'good' in any case.
Mikuru is making it hard for everyone in the Brigade to really enjoy someone else's cooking, seriously.
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After enjoying the meal – technically, the company, more than the food, but Yuki had read that both components made the meal – Kyon checked his PDA and grimaced. "Alright," he sighed. "I should probably get home. As much as we talk about worrying people, I imagine my parents must be getting worried about me, too."
What!? Nobody took pictures of Kuyou in that getup? Shame on them.
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"Um," he coughed, once Tsuruya finally broke the kiss with a cough. "Uh– Thanks...."
Small reiteration (maybe).
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[Scene at porch of Kyon's home]
I...
I.....
I can't talk about this scene without turning myself into a gushing fanboy with a joygasm. I tried, but at the moment I just can't.
/me saves post and takes a long break from the keyboard.
Taking her previous trains of thought into account, I wonder if Kuyou is going to correlate dressing up with getting kissed. Also I can't wait to see how the previous discussion between Kuyou and Ryouko is going to progress from here.
I think this scene is a good occasion for the return of the SEP-field. If Kyon arrived home later than expected because of the unplanned dinner at Tsuruya's place, it's possible that his mother (or his sister) was paying attention to the porch.
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Considering the previous evening, being joined by Haruhi and Tsuruya at the train station was a positive follow-up, in Haruhi's mind.
"by Haruhi" → "by Kyon"
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"Aw, come on, Suzumiya!" he protested. "I'm already in trouble with Yanagimoto-hime – I don't need you giving me a hard time, too!"
IIRC, that's the first time Kyon hears Taniguchi using the honorific "hime" when talking to or about Yanagimoto. I was kind of expecting a reaction from Kyon's part due to the fact he does the same thing in Tsuruya's case.
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If you make a nice girl cry because you're ignoring her and mooning over some girl from middle school
Most likely it's just me, but that wording at first made me think Taniguchi was saying Kunikida is pining for a girl that is currently in middle school instead of someone he knew since that time.
This chapter strongly seems to advocate for a simple and direct approach to deal with things: Tsuruya with the Sumiyoshi-rengo, Sasaki with her mother, Kuyou with Kyon and finally Taniguchi with Kunikida. My suggestion is that the chapter's title should reflect this.
It's amazing how two entities as unique as Ryouko and Kuyou devote a great deal of their interactions to discuss about seemly ordinary affairs: Romance, cooking, friends, clothing, job, etc. What makes it particularly interesting is the realization that the process that lead them to that is not ordinary at all.
Kuyou's interactions with the universe at a human scale manage to convey the pure and complete fascination of a child and it's very endearing to see her take delight of each step forward. What I like the most is how her innate perception of what is or is not "harmonic" is the driving and guiding force of her character development, forging a real personality in the process instead of simply making her blindly "copy and paste" a convenient persona and call it a day.
Ryouko's progress is very interesting too. Unlike Kuyou, she was built with highly developed social skills but I get the impression that her understanding was cybernetic at best (the original definition of the word related to theory of control in dynamic systems) until the moment of her "emotion chip" update (a.k.a. chibification). If I have to put it into words, it's something along the lines of "what specific input should I provide to the system to get this specific response?... Killing 'Kyon' in the most gruesome way available within human capabilities and then provide the 'observation target' with detailed information about it? Let's go with that!" (BTW, this is the reason why I think Asakura was so keen in killing Kyon with a knife in the first novel instead of simply stopping his heart or something with data manipulation).
Now Ryouko is a real participant of the social interactions she used to handle with ease and this perspective shift makes her previous knowledge an advantage or a disadvantage depending on the situation. For example, Ryouko can advise Kuyou about the thousand of nuances that make up human behavior and customs, and Kuyou provides her drive and fresh insight in subjects Ryouko wouldn't think twice otherwise. At least this is my take on their mutualistic "savvy full-time chibi, energetic half-time chibi" relationship.