Soulriders 5.0: Legend of the Unending Games

This story was originally and currently being posted on the Anime Addventure.  I'm posting this here because someone told me to. You know who you are.

As for background... it's a crossover between the Ranma character from my Sightless Spark (http://addventure.bast-enterprises.de/frecent.php?tag=Restart+Deluge!+Sightless+Spark) story and Zero no Tsukaima.  This story is my idea of exploratory writing practice for the main story.  You don't need to read that story to understand this one, and it probably does the opposite of help in that respect.  Also this thing I wrote years ago (http://www.soulriders.net/forum/index.php/topic,2998.0.html) was kinda-sorta based on the same premise (you don't need to read it either).  Be warned that the Ranma character is designed very differently from Ranma 1/2 canon.

And now the story!

---

Extermination was messy work, Ranma Saotome thought.  He yanked his katana from the chimera's tiger-like mouth in a great spray of blood and frayed muscles.  The beast was already half dead, but instead of waiting for it to bleed out, he wanted to hurry because he had chased it through a portal rather than let it escape and waste the hours he spent tracking it through its cavern territory.  With its jaw hanging uselessly detached and its throat cut, the chimera wouldn't be able to bite him.  All Ranma had to do now was flip it onto its back, slice open the lizard-scaled torso, and cut out whatever passed for the creature's heart. That, plus an hour of laundry to wash off the unavoidable gunk from his hunting outfit.

Flipping the chimera to expose its underside was no great effort, even though it was the size of an actual tiger and weighed about as much.  Plunging his sword point-first into the lizard-skin and dragging open a long slit worried him more--it had better not damage his blade.  Fishing inside the cavity and pulling out a... lung?  Ranma tried again. Chimera didn't have consistent organ layouts, not even the same placements as their component creatures.  He felt around the ribs and finally pulled with a gloved hand some sort of soggy mass that spewed liquid like a busted water sprinkler.  Yeah, this was probably the heart.

Gruesome work, if he wasn't so used to it.

Ranma turned his head away to catch the heart's meager remaining splurts on the side of his hood rather than let it splash him in the face.  The chimera quickly fell quiet, and after a long moment of waiting for any last surprises, Ranma raised the heart high and yelled, "Victory!"

It was a day of hunting well spent.  With his goal achieved and his dominance demonstrated, Ranma tossed his cumbersome trophy over his shoulder, where it fell to the ground with a heavy splat and a loud chorus of gasps.

Ranma frowned at that latter sound, and turned to see an wide grassy field and some twenty teenage kids in capes standing a dozen meters away, along with a menagerie of random small creatures.  The kids stood so still that Ranma became a bit concerned at their lack of greater reaction, though it was more funny than anything else.

This wasn't the dark cavern system that Ranma had followed the chimera into.  It was a sunny day out in the pastoral countryside.  Hell, it felt like a different season too. Ranma had assumed the portal the chimera dragged both of them through had been some sort of escape technique, but now that he had time to think on the change in scenery, it felt more like some kind of summoning.

Was that it?  Did he get summoned?  It was a right pain in the ass that just came up now and again.  Luckily, he was between training periods and he didn't have any active obligations, so maybe he could enjoy the traveling this time.

The only adult among the audience, a balding middle-aged man with glasses, was the first to snap out of his paralysis. He raised a plain-looking staff toward Ranma, though Ranma wasn't sure if the man meant it aggressively or defensively. "I am Colbert of the Tristain Academy of Magic," the man said. "Name yourself, and state your business here."

Ranma's flicked the excess blood from his katana with a practiced sharp swing of the arm, splattering a faint line of red on the grass to the side.  The move made the kid closest to Colbert--a small girl with very pink hair that came down past her shoulders--jump in surprise.

"I don't even know where this is," Ranma said.  "You should know better than me, wizard."

"I know that you have trespassed on the familiar summoning ritual of these students," Colbert said.

"You mean one of them summoned this chimera?"  Ranma looked at the motley collection of creatures next to the caped teens.  He knew of the practice of binding familiars, though it was hardly something he had personal experience with. Most of them were animals too small to come up to his knees, but there was one young dragon there as well, so it was possible that some kid had summoned the chimera.  "Well, you wouldn't have wanted this beast for a familiar.  It was pretty aggressive."

Teens all began to mutter at Ranma's statement, while the pink-haired girl stomped past Colbert to address Ranma. "Who are you?" she yelled in a voice not at all as composed as Colbert's.  "Are you a soldier?"

Ranma shrugged.  "Doubt anybody would call me that at the moment, but sure. Let's go with that."

The girl became more incensed, while Colbert frowned.  "Then a commoner!  How dare you attack my new servant--"

Colbert interrupted the girl before she could continue.  "Be silent, Miss Valliere!  This is a serious breach of ritual, and not a time for your outbursts."

The girl fell quiet as commanded, as did the other teens from their whispering.  Colbert suddenly seemed to remember they were there, and he turned to them.  "All of you, the class is dismissed.  Return to the academy and cultivate your relationships with your new familiars."

One red-haired and somewhat dark-skinned girl among the other teens ask, "Can't we see what's going on here?"

"It is not for you to concern yourselves.  No doubt you will have more news once the matter has been dealt with.  Be off, all of you."

The red-haired girl pouted, and the rest of the crowed groaned in disappointed curiosity.  One by one, the teens lifted into the air with capes flapping, like a flock of birds flying toward a walled castle in the distance. Colbert and the pink-haired girl stayed.

Ranma took out a small cloth and started wiping the grime from his sword.  Without the least bit of discomfort, he said, "Nice weather today."

That comment didn't quite break the ice, but it gave the pink-haired girl a reason to walk up closer in visible frustration and annoyance.  The closer distance allowed Ranma to see just how short she was.  "Speak your name, commoner.  I demand to know why you were intruding on--"

Then she recoiled at the smell splattered over Ranma and scrambled back again while holding her nose.

Ranma found the reaction rather cute, if silly.  "I'm Ranma, and I didn't intrude on anything.  You were the one who snatched me while I was hunting."

"There's no way that's true," the girl said.  "Obviously, I summoned some kind of magical beast."  She looked toward the chimera, but the bloody, ruined sight made her turn away. "And now you've killed it!  This is clearly your fault!"

The man, Colbert, was not as easily turned away by the sight or the smell.  He stepped around to take a closer look at the corpse behind Ranma.  "Now, Miss Valliere, if we take a moment to consider things, we should admit that it is not impossible you did interrupt this commoner rather than vice versa.  After all, he was already locked in combat with this--" Colbert looked upon the chimera with doubt and suspicion.  "--creature when he appeared.  And I know of no occurrence where more than a single respondent should answer a familiar summoning.  Given your history, it is most likely that you made yet another mistake in your summoning."

"Then what am I supposed to do?" the girl asked, almost hysterically.  "What am I supposed to tell everyone, or my family if I can't call a familiar during the ritual?"

"This matter is difficult," Colbert said.  The weariness in his voice told Ranma that he was more used to the girl's attitude than he wanted to be.  "That is why I did not want to say anything in front of the other students.  I do not know what it means for you, and so I must appeal to the schoolmaster for a higher judgment."

Colbert turned to Ranma.  "Follow us," he said, his voice tinted with confidence that Ranma would do as ordered.

Ranma stood for a long pause, until the man's grip tightened on that tall staff.  Then Ranma finished wiping off his sword.  Unfortunately, he had lost the sheath somewhere along the hunt.  Ranma tossed the dirty rag on the grass, then said, "No problem."

They walked toward the castle.  It was a pained silence with a girl shooting angry looks at him, a situation Ranma considered himself rather too comfortable with to be healthy.

"But," Ranma asked, "the weather is nice, right?"

He didn't have many icebreakers.

Walking in front, Colbert turned his head.  "Your name is Ranma, is it?  It sounds like a foreign name.  Where do you hail from?"

"That depends on what you folk call it," Ranma said.  "What country are we in right now?"

"This is Tristain," the pink-hair girl said, as if the question was infantile.

Ranma frowned lightly.  "I don't think I've heard of it, so I'm guessing you guys never heard of--" He reached for a name from his list of fabricated backstories.  "--Saitama."

"I fear not," Colbert said.  "You must have traveled quite a distance."

The girl glared at Ranma.  "It doesn't matter.  You killed what could've been my familiar.  How will you take responsibility for it, commoner?  Execution would not be out of the question for such a crime."

Ranma didn't muffle his snort.  "Before we talk about executions, why don't you tell me what's so important about this summoning a familiar business."

"What's so important?!"  The girl's yell made Colbert flinch, visible even with his back to the conversation.  The girl didn't bother noticing.  "I'll tell you--"

"How about your name first," Ranma said.

"I am Louise Francois de la Valliere," the girl yelled, "and you, ignorant peasant, interrupted the sacred ritual of a noble summoning a lifelong servant!  It would lower my standing in my family and in the eyes of the court."

Ranma absorbed that information, and then asked the most pressing question.  "Has anyone mentioned you're very pink?"

The girl, Louise, who according to that introduction should be a lady by upbringing, made a very unladylike growl. "You--"

"Composure," Colbert said as he continued to walk ahead of them.

"Mister Colbert," Louise said, "surely I cannot allow a commoner to speak this way."

"There is no harm in pointing out the plainly true.  Rather, you should try to collect yourself.  No doubt your peers will try to incense you more, and it would not do for you to have another outburst among them.  Or, Founder forbid, while speaking with the schoolmaster."

Louise shut her mouth with tense effort, but not before delivering one last word in Ranma direction.

"Lout."

It made Ranma grin.

---

The walk to the castle was short, though Ranma imagined the trip would've been shorter if Colbert and Louise flew like the other teens had done.  He guessed Louise didn't like the inconvenience of walking him, but maybe he should be thankful the two were so considerate.

It was upon closer approach that Ranma realized the structure wasn't a castle.  Not really.  It had all the Occidental appearance of stout stone walls and a high tower in the middle, but there was no moat, the walls were unfortified, and the single gate was too flimsy to resist invasion.  The place sat exposed in an open plain without the slightest appearance of defensibility, and thus it was not a castle.

But it was more than a school, surely.  He didn't understand the point of the overblown architecture.  Vanity?

As they entered the school's walls--revealing little of interest besides wide lawns within--Ranma asked for a chance to clean himself up.  Colbert ignored his request and marched him and Louise down the stone path into the school's central tower.  Along the way, Ranma felt the stares of the school's denizens, kids and adults alike, and he wasn't above from returning those stares.  The faces he saw had the slight differences that characterized multiple ethnicities, but he saw no other Oriental.

The inside of the central tower was made of primitive stone and wood, and filled with the heavy aroma of lamp oil. Ranma climbed a wide spiral staircase as he and Louise followed Colbert to a large wooden door.  Colbert knocked, and after an awkward minute of no one answering, they entered the room.

Inside was a single gray-bearded old man sleeping at a long wooden desk.

"Hmm?  What?"

Those were the old man's first words after Colbert politely made a few loud noises.  It took many tries.

"Schoolmaster Osmond," Colbert said, "I've brought a matter that needs your immediate review."

The elder, Osmond, looked from Colbert to Louise to Ranma, then quickly snapped back to Colbert.  "Surely you could find a spare bath and laundry downstairs in the servants' quarters."

"It is more important than that," Colbert said, though Ranma could see him start to fidget.

"Not enough to put him in shackles, but enough to walk him in after, what is this, a tavern knife fight?  There is a limit to fastidiousness, you... you--"

"Colbert," the teacher said with a note of slight crankiness.

"I know that," Osmond said.  He looked back at Ranma, then Louise, then the dirtied sword Ranma was making no effort to hide.  "You better get on with it, because Great Brimir knows I've not a single guess."

"This commoner," Louise said, "intruded upon my servant summoning."

Colbert shot Louise a sharp look.  "It is true that this boy appeared during Miss Valliere's ritual summoning.  The more important point is that her summoning was unsuccessful, and therefore we have to decide what to do about it."

"Summoning," Osmond said slowly, then perked up.  "Oh.  Oh yes, that was today, was it?"

Colbert and Louise produced sour looks at that statement, while Ranma wondered if the old man was being difficult on purpose.

Osmond gave Louise a measuring look, under which she began to shrink.  "So you failed the summoning.  Valliere, no?  I suppose the right thing would be to send you back to the Duke with an appropriately solemn apology.  He's just about expecting it at this point."

Louise began to stiffen next to Ranma, giving Ranma a good hint that she's been having difficulties which he didn't know about.

Just as she was about to protest, Osmond turned to Ranma.

"Who are you, lad?"

Colbert and Louise looked surprised that the old man asked. "He is a foreigner," Colbert said, giving Ranma the sense that he should not complicate the situation with his own replies.  "A random commoner that appeared during the summoning.  I do not believe he is here intentionally, and therefore who he is should be unimportant."

The description was unflattering, but Ranma kept quiet his discontent.  The two adults--nobles, certainly--were not treating him as a participant even though he had a drawn weapon, so he might as well not say much.

It was a good decision.  Colbert and Osmond began to discuss Louise's situation, and before long, Ranma's attention relaxed.  Something about Louise failing her lessons quite a lot, counterbalanced by the politics of disappointing her family.  It was all static to Ranma's ears.  Louise herself stood red-faced through the conversation, being no more a participant than he was.

Rather than paying attention to any of it, Ranma pondered what he was going to do.  He really wanted to clean himself off before the gunk from the chimera dried further into his clothes, and from the individuals he saw in the tower hallways dressed as servants, he figured he could find someone to lend him a washing board and a clothesline.

That's assuming he'd be allowed to leave peacefully.  He didn't know what these people will want with him, but what if he needed to fight his way out?  That'll dirty him up more, for sure.

His ponderings ended when Ranma noticed that Louise was chanting and faintly glowing.  She closed in on him far past comfortable range, leaning into his face with eyes closed as he stared and wondered what was going on here, and he placed a fingertip between them just before she could press her lips to his.

Louise's eyes snapped open.  "What are you doing?"

"Not touching you," Ranma said right back as he pushed away the girl's chin.  "Do you mind?  I'd like you to move back."

"How could I kiss you if I do that?"

Ranma paused, then took a deep breath.  "I see it's going to be one of those days."

Louise ignored his comment.  "Just shut up and stop moving," she said as she reached out her hands to grasp his face.

Ranma frowned and took a long step to the side, avoiding the girl.  "Uhh, no.  What makes you think I'm going to kiss you?"

"I have to do this to make the contract," Louise said, obviously flustered.  "Weren't you listening?"

"Nope," Ranma said.  He looked past Louise at Colbert and Osmond, who were watching with mild impatience and slight amusement respectively.  "What contract?  I didn't agree to any contract."

"It's not up to you," Louise said.  "I need a familiar, and you're the only option.  So I'm going to make this contract.  Now get back over here."

The girl's plain disregard for his opinion would've been offensive, but Ranma was familiar with such attitude from the entitled rich.  "I'm gonna refuse," he said.

The idea that he would resist seem to knock the girl off balance.  "What do you mean you refuse?  How dare you--"

She turned toward her teacher, and Colbert--looking not in the mood for any of this nonsense--took a step forward.

But before Colbert could act, Osmond spoke.  "Wait.  The lad makes a reasonable point, does he not?"  Once again, Colbert and Louise both turned toward him with surprise on their faces.  "A familiar follows its master of its own will, but you've told me that young Valliere summoned him unintentionally.  I might permit you to take him as a familiar based on that inadvertent summoning, but if the familiar adamantly refuses to serve, it will do you little good to take him.  It is already strange enough that he is human, and a commoner."

"Well what should I do?" Louise said.  She turned to puncture Ranma with a venomous glare that Ranma didn't feel he deserved, seeing how none of her problems were his doing.

"Lad," Osmond said, "Miss Valliere desires you as a familiar.  Do you find Miss Valliere unworthy of that service?"

Ranma looked between the three people in front of him, knowing that his opinion was being valued for the first time.  "Yes," he said without going into the details about how he didn't care for being somebody's familiar.

"Do you know who I am?" Louise said loudly, drawing some disapproving looks from Colbert and Osmond both, though she couldn't see them.  "My father is a duke, and sits upon the royal council--"

"What the hell does that mean to me?" Ranma said, leaving Louise with the characteristic twitching of a girl who wanted to hit him.

"Children," Osmond said, "I think it best that we let go of our animosity and try to make the best of things.  If the familiar does not consider the master worthy, then it should be fair for the master to prove herself."

For the third time, Louise and Colbert both looked surprised at Osmond's words, though only Louise gave voice to her indignation.  "You think I should prove myself to a commoner?" she said, as if the thought made her throw up a little.

In response, Osmond pulled a small pipe from his sleeve and lit it.  "Shall I be the one who requires you to humble yourself, rather than he?"  He placed the pipe in his mouth and gave it a small puff, poorly hiding his enjoyment at the proceedings.  "I think it is an academic difference, but if helps you...."

Louise turned back to Ranma.  "Fine!  What do you want, stupid commoner?  How do I get you to be my familiar?"

"For starters," Ranma said, "you could treat me like an actual person.  Why don't you smile for once?"

Louise looked at Ranma as if he had suggested something profane, and he could see epithets being mouthed unconsciously.  When she turned back to the adults, Osmond returned an expectant look, while Colbert watched the entire proceeding in scornful silence.  Which was probably the right response.

Louise faced Ranma again and took a deep, deep breath.  With a groaning strain of will, she placed a very stiff and stilted smile on her face.

"Will--"

"Never mind," Ranma said.  "This ain't gonna work."

Louise's attempt at a smile fell to pieces.  "I haven't started--"

"It took you like five seconds to just put on a basic smile," Ranma said.  "Having you treat me like a human being might make you sprain something.  Let's just give up."

"How dare you judge me like that?!  You low-born--"

"A familiar is a partner," Osmond interjected.  "Not merely a house-servant.  If you won't accept even this sort of criticism, your future looks bleak."

That shut Louise up, thought she obviously wanted to scream. Ranma found it kind of cute, in his usual watching-things-burn sort of way.

"That is all very important," Colbert said, "but lest we forget why we are here, we still need an answer regarding Miss Valliere's status before we leave the room."

"This is becoming perhaps a little too convoluted," Osmond said.  "It appears we cannot come to a quick decision.  So for now..."

Osmond took a moment to think about it, and Louise used that moment to look daggers at Ranma.  "To find some time for proper consideration," Osmond said after he was done, "let us temporarily claim that this fellow is Miss Valliere's familiar, with all attendant privileges.  Let things run for a time while I find a solution."

"Is that acceptable to you?" Osmond asked Ranma.

Ranma shrugged.  "Do those privileges include me getting a change of clothes?"

"Of course!"

"Sounds good to me."

Colbert and Louise were a lot less enthused by the alternative.  Louise in particular began to blubber at Osmond's suggestion, but nobody paid her any attention.

"This is preposterous," Colbert said.  "And dishonest as well.  It is no example we should be teaching to a student."

Osmond quirked an eyebrow at Colbert.  "Haven't been in the palace in a while, have you?"

"What--"

"Then let us say your demand for honesty in the face of necessity is commendable, but not expected."

"I need more justification than that!"

"Oh, if you must.  Let the children outside for a moment."

Colbert dismissed Ranma and Louise with a glare.  Ranma shrugged and obliged.  Outside, Louise promptly resumed her staring.  She tried to say something, but Ranma held up a hand.  "Quiet.  Do you want people to hear?"

Not that there were anyone around, but Ranma was curious about what the two adults were discussing inside the room. The doors prevented him from picking up much, except that Colbert was raising his voice.

Louise spent the next few minutes in bitter silence.  It might be fun to tease her.

Colbert exited the room.  He looked displeased, which was the only expression Ranma had really seen on him, but his voice was neutral as he announced, "I will have to fabricate the runes."

"But why?" Louise said, apparently knowing what that meant.

"Adult politics."  Colbert said without explanation.  "I will remind you, Miss Valliere, that this is a great exception being made for your benefit, even if it is only at Old Osmond's fancy.  I expect you to treat it with all seriousness, and while the bond may be false, you will comport yourself properly during this time.  If you waste this chance or bring unnecessary trouble to the school, you will find no more mercy from me."

Louise looked very serious, and quite frightened, as she nodded.

Colbert turned to Ranma.  "Give me your hand."

---

As he looked over the glyphs that Colbert scrawled onto the back of his left hand, Ranma wondered if he should've punched the man.  If he had been in any sort of bad mood, he would've considered this whole affair insulting, what with the magicians treating him as a non-entity.

On the other hand, Colbert wasn't doing any of this out of personal interest, and the excuse that the glyphs were needed to convince other students and teachers that Ranma was a familiar did make sense.  Ranma figured he could let it pass as a matter of tolerance.  Having invested this much attention to the matter already, he sort of wanted to see how it all played out.  Probably badly, given Louise's personality, but that had its own charm.  If she only demanded his servitude as if she was entitled to it, she'll just fail, and wreck her future apparently.  It would mean she'd learn some tough lessons, and that was good.

But that was also a far-off thought.  Right now, he really wanted to clean up.  If he was going to fake being a familiar, then he might as well play the part adequately, which meant being presentable.  Not splattered with dried blood.  If Louise was yelled at for having a dirty familiar, it should be her own fault, and not from him sabotaging her.

He said as much to the girl after Colbert left, and then laughed off her suggestion that he should "not sabotage" her by simply obeying her like a real familiar.  At the end of what looked like the last of her nerves, Louise called a passing servant girl to get him clean.  She then stomped away, obviously restraining herself from throttling everyone she saw.

"If you would follow--"

Ranma turned his face toward the servant girl, and she took a wavering step back at his sudden attention.  Or maybe from the appearance of blood on his hood.

"--follow me," the girl said, her composure crumbling visibly.

"Relax," Ranma said.  "I'm not gonna hurt you."  He saw the girl's gaze drop down to the sword he still had in his hand. "Don't mind that.  I need to change and wash my outfit.  And if you can get me some water, that would be good."

"Of course," the girl said, her voice still full of nervousness.

Ranma sighed, and pulled back his hood, sliming his hair a little in the process.  "Look, see?  I'm not that scary.  My name's Ranma.  What's yours?"

The girl visibly untensed as Ranma revealed his face, removing what is likely the image of a brigand or executioner from her mind.  "I'm Siesta, maidservant for the academy.  I'm sorry about my hesitation, but you had me at a loss."

"Not the first time," Ranma said.  "But we should get on with it.  I don't want to keep the pink girl waiting."

Siesta jolted at the reminder.  "Ah, yes!  Please come this way to our quarters."

Ranma followed Siesta through the central tower, past a decorated foyer.  Ranma's appearance caught a few looks from the finely-dressed people who were gathered there, but they quickly dismissed him.  Siesta proceeded into what must be the servant passageways, an inner maze of stone hallways lit with oil lamps.  The smell alone was oppressive, but it was probably better than walking through the public halls looking like he did.

"I'm not a local," Ranma said as Siesta led him further. "It looks like that Colbert and that Valliere brought me here without telling me anything.  Mind if I ask what this place is about?"

Siesta gave Ranma a worried look.  "Please, you mustn't speak of the nobles in that tone.  They will surely punish you for the tiniest disrespect, and while a teacher like Mr. Colbert may ignore it, this is an academy full of young noblemen who are eager to take offense, and to use the magic they are learning."

"Is that right?  I guess I should be careful."

"To not know that," Siesta said, "you must live far away. Where are you from?"

Ranma's eyes crossed over a heap of housekeeping tools that someone had left against one wall of the hallway as a temporary storage, including a tray filled with hand-sized sandglasses.  "The future, it looks like."

"You're... strange," Siesta said.

"Oh, more than you know."

They arrived in the servant's quarters, a long room of many simple beds.  The place was mostly empty, with only a few beds occupied by who Ranma guessed was the night shift.

Siesta found him a room with a washbasin, along with some servant's spare tunic and leggings.  Ranma couldn't do anything about covering his sword properly, but it was enough that he could wipe it off and wrap it in some linens.

The whole magic school looked really primitive, Ranma thought as he rinsed out his hair and retied it into a ponytail afterward.  Maybe Middle Ages Occidental.  He didn't know why he could understand the language without effort, but then he also didn't know why everyone ignored his obvious foreignness.  Should he learn more about the people?

"I can't tell you much," Siesta said in answer to his first small inquiry.  "I hear gossip, but I don't know the things that are important to the nobles."

"You're still better off than me," Ranma said.  "I don't know what nobles want at all.  If you can teach me something about this familiar business and why it's so important, it'll help me out."

Siesta paused as she thought over her answer.  "Well, today is the day that second-year students summon their familiars. Familiars are animal servants that accompany the nobles throughout their lives, so it's very important.  That, and the nobles like to judge each other on the quality of their familiars, so it's important to the nobles who enjoy higher status."

"And this Valliere, is she one of those nobles?  She talks like it."

"Miss Valliere does consider status important.  She comes from one of the most prestigious families, but she--" Siesta hesitated.  "Well, I don't want to say too much.  The nobles look unkindly to gossip among us, and I shouldn't leave you with subversive thoughts."

Ranma came back out of the washing room, now wearing the clothes she had given him.  The cloth felt awfully rough, frankly, but Siesta's gaze was a lot warmer upon seeing him. "You look... less frightful in normal clothes."

"You shouldn't judge me on my looks," Ranma said with a smile, and Siesta laughed at his reply with the nervousness of a girl who didn't know what to think of him.  She seemed nice.

---

Siesta was called back to work, so Ranma left her in order to wander the hallways.  It didn't take him very long to notice that none of the nobles he walked past paid him any attention now that he was dressed as they expected and his sword was obscured from their sight, even though he wasn't busily working like the other servants he saw.

He avoided others anyway, since he didn't want anyone assuming he was a servant to call him for a task.  He also knew better than to blunder too far into a place a servant wouldn't be allowed to enter.  Beyond seeing the lay of the building and looking out of the windows, it wasn't much more than an hour later that he found his way into the school's main dining hall, where it was quite easy to spot Louise's shiny pink hair among the other students.

It didn't seem like meal time.  Clean plates and new candles were set about the three long, parallel tables, but there were only a scattered few diners sitting with actual food in front of them.  Louise was one such diner, and Ranma guessed she was grabbing a meal since she had been grilled by Colbert and Osmond unlike the rest of her class.  Behind Louise, one tall, feminine figure with vivid red hair stood, but Ranma could tell from Louise's posture that the presence was wholly unwelcome.

"Aww," the dark-skinned, red-haired girl said loudly as Ranma approached.  "You can't keep telling me to go away. Why don't you bring him out, and I'll tell you if he's high quality?  It's not like you'd know."

"I don't need to prove anything," Louise said, equally loudly and sounding very annoyed indeed.  "So go play with your boys."

The redhead, who Ranma vaguely remembered seeing before, sounded supremely happy to ignore that command.  "Oh, there might be time for that later, but why stop bothering you now?"

Louise curled her small fists around the knife and fork she was holding.  "Damn it, Zerbst!  I said get lost!"

"Call your familiar out right now, and I'll leave in peace."

Well, that was his cue to... well, not intervene exactly. As a fake familiar, he wasn't really on Louise's side, but he did want to see how she usually dealt with these pressures, as this person was probably her social equal and so she couldn't lash out quite as much.

Ranma stepped around to the other side of the table, where Louise could see him.  She didn't seem to recognize him with the new clothes.  Instead, he addressed the redhead.  "Hi there.  I think it's me you're looking for."

The redhead took a surprised, then amused look at him.  "Is this the commoner?" she asked Louise, not taking long to begin snickering.

"Wh-why are you here?!" Louise said as recognition dawned on her face.

As Louise sputtered, Ranma noticed the redhead begin to lean on Louise's chair as she examined him head to toe with a critical gleam in her eye.  "Exotic," she said haughtily, as if she was judging a horse, "but I wouldn't call him impressive.  I think the outfit suits him well.  He looks like he could make a good laborer."

Ranma knew what it was like to be judged by those who didn't know him, and in every which way.  It had happened frequently enough that he had learned to enjoy screwing with such people.

"I have to agree," he said, to the redhead's surprise.  "The clothes make the man, as I'm sure you know."  He looked the redhead up and down in return, chuckled, and brought his attention back to Louise.

Te redhead's smirk faded into a glare.

He said to Louise, "You seemed troubled.  I thought I should come.  Shouldn't I?"

Before Louise could answer, the redhead interrupted hotly. "Your family would be so sad to know one of their own produced the kind of familiar who doesn't get basic etiquette.  But I guess you would be the one to do it. Isn't that right, Louise?"  She was looking at Ranma through those words, and then she addressed him directly. "Commoner, if you really are a familiar, then show us the mark."

Well, time for Colbert's work to shine.  Ranma extended his left hand, which the redhead gripped ungently as she examined the glyphs.  "What kind of runes are these?  They look scored on with a quill."

Ranma could see Louise tense.  "I guess I don't know," he said to the redhead.  "What should these runes look like on a commoner?"

The redhead froze, looking uncertain for the first time, before pushing his hand back.  "Whatever.  But a familiar symbolizes a master's elemental affinity.  What particular element is a human supposed to be?"

Ranma turned to Louise, not having any insight into that question.  He thought Louise might be worried about this question as well, since as far as he knew Colbert had never mentioned the matter, but Louise quickly blurted out to the redhead, "Whatever's stronger than yours!"

That answer didn't really help him act this role, Ranma thought.

"Stronger than fire?" the redhead said, once again laughing at Louise, in a way that plainly infuriated the much smaller girl.  "Is summoning a commoner the thing that finally made you lose your mind?  You can't even give me something that doesn't sound made up?"

"It's fire," Ranma said, making the choice for Louise before she said anything too revealing.  His answer drew a worried look from Louise that probably suggested she wanted to keep it a secret, but he felt he could fake a fire affinity easily enough.

The redhead laughed at him in clear disbelief.  "You think I can't tell if someone's of my own element?  This little girl can't even manage a basic fireball."

Louise pounded one hand on the table, shaking the plates and candlesticks.  "You said if he showed up, you'll leave!"

"I changed my mind," the redhead said without shame.

"Fine!  Then I will!"  Louise followed that statement by standing from her chair noisily and walking--almost running--for the dining hall entrance, leaving most of her plate untouched.  The redhead turned to follow her, but Ranma blocked her path with one arm.  In the moment that she stood startled at his gall, he heard Louise disappear through the doors.

"I don't know the circumstances between you two," he said to the increasingly outraged girl, "but could you not tease her right now?  She seems stressed, and I think I might have to protect her honor if she does something... rash."

"You have guts," the redhead said angrily as she drew a wand, "if you think I'll let a servant to make demands of me."

"Maybe I'm a servant," Ranma said.  He ignored the implicit threat of the girl's wand.  "But servant or not, I'm another student's familiar right now, right?  I think you should let it slide, but if you want, let's talk about it to the schoolmaster."

He had hoped the mention of higher authority would get the redhead to cool it down, but it seemed to make her more angry.

"If you're Louise's familiar, then you should have some power granted by the familiar's bond, more than a simple commoner.  Prove that to me, and I'll let you go."

"Excuse me if I expect you to change your mind."

The redhead frowned.  "I give you my word as a noble, and I won't keep teasing Louise for now either."

Ranma smiled.  "That sounds great, but a commoner wouldn't know what kind of special powers a magician's familiar might have."

Without warning, the redhead pointed her wand at Ranma's face, and Ranma jumped back as a blast of red and orange flame erupted here he was standing.  The light and heat of a furnace crashed into him as he shielded his eyes, then as he opened them again, he saw the still-burning flame roiling in a loose orb floating upon the tip of that wand.

"No fire elemental is afraid of a little fire," the redhead said with a wicked smile, while gasps and yells sounded from the rest of the hall, though Ranma saw that when everyone else realized who was making the commotion, they very quickly went back to their own business without further comment.

Ranma lowered the hand he had raised to shield himself.  "I don't know," he said over the crackling noise of the fire. "That looks kinda dangerous."

"Oh, so you have at least the sense to tell?  My fire can melt iron, so if you want to back off and apologize, I'll listen.  That's about what I expected from some guy that Louise probably found and paid to act like her famili--"

The flame and heat vanished as Ranma reached forward with one bare hand and wordlessly choked the orb to nothing.

"Couldn't hear you," he said pleasantly, lowering his clenched fist as the redhead stared.  "Could you repeat it?"

The redhead drew a blank on words for a full ten seconds before thinking of something to say.  "Well that's the most basic power.  It doesn't prove anything!"

She was desperately grasping for a reason to dismiss his demonstration, and Ranma suspected she had made up the resistance thing too.  He looked down on the still-closed hand he had burned on her flame, and back up at her.  "Well, I don't know what to tell you then."

"I can think of a better test--"

Ranma turned and raised his closed hand over the untouched candlestick placed at Louise's seat, then relaxed his grip, leaving a small flame of yellow and orange on the candle's wick.

"You go do that," he said to the redhead as he walked away, while she made confused sounds.

---

Outside the dining hall, Ranma found no trace of Louise. The girl was probably sulking somewhere, leaving him with no chance to ask how to act as her familiar, or where he should leave his sword.

Great.

Ranma wandered outside of the building.  It was so much nicer outside than inside, with the sun shining on the open front courtyard marred by only the sight of stone walls in the distance fully enclosing the school, as if keeping outside eyes away.  Ranma didn't see what was so worth keeping in.

Smaller towers stood at the walls as well, perhaps in architectural symmetry with the main tower.  Upon the lawn, he could see various teenagers dressed in capes as Louise had been, lounging around tables and gossiping with their friends.  A few servants moved between the small groups, carrying plates and cups.  It was the sort of scene that Ranma balked from approaching, to avoid these nobles before dealing with Louise.

Through the academy gate and beyond its walls, there was a single small road leading to the fields.  It was unpaved, and while it might be comfortably wide for a wagon or two, he had seen enough people in the academy to think there'd be gridlock if all of them tried to come and go at once.

The grassy plain outside the academy was empty, with little of interest before the fields gave away to forests and mountains in the distance.  After some walking, Ranma arrived at the spot where Louise had summoned him earlier that day.  No bunch of students this time, but curiously, the recognizable bald head of the teacher was present. Colbert, wasn't it?  The man was contemplating the messy corpse of Ranma's previous fight, muttering to himself while poking at the body with the end of his staff.

"--the monstrosity," Colbert was saying.  "Why scales under fur?  Could only be some foul experiment."

Ranma glanced over the chimera.  He had long stopped caring about the logic behind those creatures, leaving him with no better comment than, "I wouldn't poke at it.  The blood really stains into wood."

Colbert looked at Ranma in surprise.  "You!  Why are you here?"

"That girl ran off," Ranma said.  He began to circle around the chimera in careful examination.  "I had nothing better to do, so I thought I'd come back and see if there's anything to salvage.  I was looking for horn, but...."

He shrugged, then looked up at Colbert.  "You suppose I should try tanning it?"

Colbert didn't seem to understand the question.  "Where did you find this beast?  And why were you were fighting it?"

"For the public good, and a reasonable bounty.  Doesn't matter now, I guess."

"You are a hunter?"  Colbert glanced at the linen-wrapped sword Ranma was still carrying.  "Or a guardsman?  Not a brigand, I should hope."

A brigand?  Like a soldier who goes into crime?  Interesting that Colbert would suggest it.  Ranma filed it away for later.  "I'm a familiar," he said.  "Haven't you heard?"

Colbert sported an air of suspicion as he studied Ranma. "Don't presume too much of your position.  You are no familiar until the ritual has been done.  This wasn't done for your benefit."

"Not much is," Ranma said without any sign of being troubled by Colbert's words.  "But since we're here, I need to know how I'm supposed to pretend to be a familiar.  I already got one kid testing me out, and I don't need any more surprises."

"Tested you?" Colbert said with sudden concern.  "One of the students confronted you?  What did you do?"

"I showed this girl your markings," Ranma said.  "Didn't prove much to her.  She said familiars show the wizard's elemental affinity, so I chose to go with fire.  Now what do I do?"

Ranma's answer left Colbert looking at him with horror. "You did what?!  Fire is the most destructive element you could have chosen!  The first test could burn you to death!"

The man looked terrifically upset at Ranma's ignorance, probably because the man might get in trouble because of it. Ranma's reply was flat.  "Sure, if you say it like that, it sounds stupid.  That's just the way the conversation went since nobody told me how this familiar deal is supposed to work.  Anyway, it's done, so if I'm a familiar of the fire element, how am I supposed to fake it?"

"What village do you hail from," Colbert asked in exasperation, "that doesn't teach even that little of how the elements work?  Can you breathe fire?  Or swim in magma? Speak with the spirits of ignis?  How do you plan to mimic the blessings of the flame without magic?"

"Well," Ranma said, "why can't I just use magic?"

"And how would you, a commoner, propose to do so?"

"So commoners can't?"  Ranma entered that info into his head, somewhat glad that he learned this before doing anything flashier than snuffing out a flame.  "Another piece of the picture."

Colbert stared at him in a long and awkward pause.  "Can you perform magic?"

Ranma blinked at him in innocence so fake it wasn't worth trying to hide.  "No, I'm a commoner.  Commoners can't do magic.  You just said so."

That answer brought a scowl onto Colbert's face, and the man leveled his wood staff at Ranma.  "Enough of your evasions! I want real answers, this time.  Humans aren't summoned as familiars.  Who are you?"

Ranma took in the man's reaction for a moment.  "I am," he said, "a student of war.  I don't know this land or you people, but it looks clear you're about to attack me for no fault.  Is that what you want?"

"A person as suspicious as you may be a danger to the school," Colbert said.  "But I have no wish to harm you needlessly.  Surrender your weapon."

In reply, Ranma flung aside the linens wrapped around his sword with one sharp movement.  As the borrowed fluttered to the ground, he held the sword to the side of his waist with his left hand, and raised his right hand to the hilt, as if preparing to draw from a nonexistent scabbard.

Colbert's lips moved, and he brandished his staff.  A forge-bright stream of energy streaked toward Ranma with the speed of an arrow.  The tip of that stream had almost come to arm's reach when Ranma took one step forward, his sword arm moving in a drawing arc.  The arc brought the curved edge of the katana to the head of the line of flame, and with a metallic ping, it knocked the flame's path away as if it was a length of iron chain.

The two combatants had started many paces apart.  Ranma's next step halved the distance.  A look of incredulity crossed Colbert's face as the air before him crackled and a man-high sheet of flame rising into the air between them. Ranma didn't even slow at the sight, and Colbert began to backpedal, turning into a full run in the opposite direction when Ranma slashed through the sheet and jumped through without a hint of fear.

Colbert continued to run, but it wasn't a desperate, stumbling escape; he seemed to have no trouble staying on balance as he turned to fire sharp bolts of energy at Ranma. They weren't very effective, as Ranma barely paused in avoiding those attacks or knocking them aside with his blade, but it showed Ranma that Colbert had some experience against harrying tactics.

Some experience didn't give Colbert the raw speed needed to flee.  Seeming to realize this, Colbert turned as Ranma reached him, preparing to guard against Ranma's attack.  The man's face was hard, but somewhat resigned as he swung the large wood staff at Ranma in defense.

That face fell a little when Colbert lost balance, his swing unexpectedly meeting nothing but air.  Colbert regained his balance quickly, turning back with his guard up to see Ranma standing in front of him with arms folded, and Ranma's katana planted point-first in the dirt untouched.

Colbert said, "What?"

"What do you mean what?" Ranma said.  "You wanted it surrendered."  Ranma gestured to the sword.  "There it is."

The man's guard remained up, frozen in confusion.  "You attacked me."

"No, I brought it to you.  Or did you want me to throw it? Not like you wouldn't have thought the same thing if I did."

Looking like he hadn't done so much running in years, Colbert seemed to actually believe Ranma for a second before regaining his common sense.  "No!  You attacked me!"

Ranma sighed.  "Obviously.  You're like that girl, getting thrown off by something unexpected.  Don't take it all so seriously."  Colbert's expression darkened at Ranma's criticism.  "I wanted to see what kind of magic you use," Ranma said, "to see what kind of level I need to work with as a familiar."  Rubbing his chin, Ranma began to walk off, leaving his katana stuck in the ground.

He also did it for the laughs, but Ranma kept that to himself.

---

After Ranma half-answered Colbert's questions for a while, the teacher allowed him to return to the school.  The questions weren't hard, given how confused Colbert had been, and Ranma managed to pull out a few bits of information as well.  Supposedly, a familiar had little more than the abilities a mundane creature of its type would have, and no one knew what a human familiar could do because no human had been summoned before.

Ranma knew from being attacked by both a student and a teacher what potency of spells was around standard.  He'd have to dial it far, far down.

Colbert also told him the location of the girls' dormitory where he could find Louise.  In the end, Ranma got what he wanted for the moment, and it was good enough that Colbert didn't see him as an enemy even if the man was still suspicious.  But ah, he'll probably never see his sword again.

Ranma walked back to the school walls, toward the tower where the girls' dormitory was housed.  It's already been hours since they met, so maybe by now Louise had finally gotten a grip.

He found his way to Louise's door on one of the middle floors of the tower, and when no one answered his knocks, he slipped himself inside.  Inside was a large room compared to the servants' quarters he'd seen before, and furnished with a table, dresser, and platform bed.  The furniture was hardwood, maybe cherry, and finely made.  Outside the window, he could see a section of courtyard, and the countryside outside the school walls.

It was a nobleman's room, better than the servants' dwelling but not as lavish as Ranma expected.  While the furniture looked expensively crafted, there were no vanity items like artwork.  Of course, there were no electrical appliances at all.  This was what a student's dormitory room should be, apparently.

Ranma didn't want to become some magician student's familiar, but crisis was interesting, and he was curious how that Louise girl would deal with hers.  That curiosity left him hoping they could come to some agreeable arrangement. Cooperation for novelty.  He supposed he should give Louise some sense of control, rather than just use his usual tactic of knocking people off balance and keeping them that way.

It was a while, approaching evening, when Ranma heard the door open and a voice ask, "How did you get in here?"

Ranma turned his gaze away from the the evening scene outside the window and toward the girl at the door.  Man, she was tiny.  And pink.  "Easily," he said.  "You don't have a very tough lock."

The sight of him seemed to make Louise shake.  "I didn't give you permission to come in.  Get out!"

"You sound so angry," Ranma said as he turned to fully face her.  "Are you sure?  I'll go, but what are you going to do about that familiar business?  Have you thought about it?"

"Yes, I have!"  Louise stomped across the room until she was just out of grabbing range, her long hair quivering with her shoulders.  "And I still don't see why I should have to prove my worth, as if you were the legendary firebird who must be caught through some arduous quest.  A peasant, judging nobility!  Who do you think you are?"

"I could tell you," Ranma said, "but I don't like talking about how I'm better than everyone else, and nobody likes to hear it.  We're not here to impress each other.  We just want things.  You want me to be your familiar, and I want a decent reason to help you."  He made a vague mock-bow.  "I leave making it work up to you, your nobleness."

His disregard infuriated the girl.  "That's the problem," Louise said.  "You think what your needs are as important as mine?  Having a familiar will define a huge part of my life, but you want me to pay my dignity for what?  Your entertainment?"

"Mostly," Ranma said.  "Does it hurt a little?  You want my help more than I want yours.  That's how the situation ended up, and I think it's your fault more than mine, but hey, I don't mind helping people if I have a decent reason to care. So what do you say?"

Louise screamed, "Get out!  Get out of my room this instant!"

Ranma half-chuckled, half-sighed as he walked around her to the door.  The door slammed after his exit, leaving the hallway quiet and empty.

That went pretty much how he suspected it might.  Louise was such a kid, and even adults didn't change their minds easily.  Louise's refusal meant he'd have to go through life here without approval for a while, but that wouldn't stop him from following the girl around and seeing what happens.

The next morning, Louise came out of her room looking bleary as hell.  Her mood tumbled even lower upon the first look at Ranma's fresh and cheerful face.

"Were you outside my door the entire night?" she asked with slight panic.

"Good morning," Ranma said.  "Where else would I be?  I can't think of any better way to spend my time than waiting for you to come out."

Louise stared hard at him, then at the hunting outfit Ranma once again wore after hours of cleaning and drying. "Whatever," she said, sounding not completely awake.  "I don't want you here.  Leave me alone."

"Make me."

His answer had Louise gripping a small wand in her hand, and Ranma tensed just in case, but after a few seconds, Louise forced herself to relax.  She turned with a huff, and Ranma followed as she left the dormitory tower for the central one.  Ranma hoped that Louise was going to get the morning meal, so he'd have a chance to get something to eat too, but the girl marched past the dining hall without even looking that direction.  He didn't fail to notice that it was early enough in the day that few of the other students were up.

As they passed through the covered walkway from the main tower to another of the outer ones, Ranma caught a glimpse of light.  It seemed to have been from a small shed some distance away, but Louise continued on without comment, and Ranma hurried after her.

Their destination was a tower for classes, and Louise sat herself down in one empty classroom.  The room was arranged in an arc, with tiered seats like a miniature amphitheatre.

"You don't get to sit near me," Louise said even though Ranma hadn't suggested he wanted to.

"Do you have any plan," he asked, "for what you're gonna say to people about this?  They have questions, you know.  Is this really your familiar?  Why's your familiar a human?  I mean, it's obvious you're trying to avoid everyone you know by getting up early and not eating, but what's the use? Shouldn't you talk to friends first and see what they think?"

Louise's only response was to glare.  Ranma shrugged it off and went to stand on one side of the room.  If that's how she wanted to play it, he wasn't about to argue.  He had an entire night to cobble together his own story, and improvising would only make things more fun.

As the minutes passed and Ranma pondered his still-damp gloves, students began to walk in.  They were dressed in the black cloaks and white shirts that Ranma now recognized as school uniforms, and cooing over their own familiars. Birds, lizards, less identifiable small pets darting around--the increasing menagerie made Ranma feel out of place even though he knew he didn't belong in the same category.

The students, all teens so far, only glanced at Ranma for a moment in recognition, but they didn't take long to start whispering about Louise.  Ranma frowned, wondering if Louise, who looked younger than the rest of the class, was in a higher grade level than she should be.  Louise herself was quiet and flushed at the poorly muffled comments in her direction.

One girl, a freckled blonde with a head of ringed curls falling past her shoulders, approached Louise. "Congratulations," she said, as if carefully choosing her words for just-barely-hidden sarcasm, "on casting Summon Servant.  What a triumph it must be, knowing how hard it was for you.  And what is your new familiar's name?"

The whispers increased in volume as Louise shot the girl a black look.  "What use is a commoner's name?  I decided he'll just be 'Dog'.  Feel free to call him that."

Harsh.  That was antipathy on a level that Ranma, who often cared so little about other people's feelings, could almost appreciate.

The blonde looked stunned at the bile in Louise's reply. "But a commoner," she said, as if forgetting some other, better barb to use next.  "What kind of familiar is that? Is he a superior specimen, worthy of the duchy of the Valliere?"

Louise swung her eyes toward Ranma, as if challenging him. "Why not see for yourself?"

Ranma returned that gaze with calm amusement, making Louise even madder, while the blonde girl looked between them in suspicion.  The girl approached Ranma, carefully looking over his face, while the other students watched in silence for her verdict.

"A foreigner," she said after her examination.  "What country are you from?"

Ranma leaned against the wall with folded arms and took a deep breath.  "It's a distant land to the east.  A small island country called Yamato."

"It must not be famed," the blonde said dismissively at his lack of deference.  "And what is it you do?"

"I was an aide-de-camp and bodyguard for a minor lord."  Not a great story, Ranma knew, but more likely to fly with this crowd than "wandering martial artist" if he wanted to avoid much scrutiny.  "Serving a noble isn't too different, I'm told.  Get the job done and then stand aside."

"How fortunate, then!"  The blonde girl turned back to Louise.  "Your master certainly needs that kind of help, not being able to do much herself."

There were a few laughs among the steadily increasing classmates.  "Hey Louise," one boy yelled, "try not to work the guy to death!  What if you can't call another familiar to replace him?"

As Louise turned toward the speaker in a rage, Ranma considered that strange response.  Was Louise less competent than the rest of her class?

But before Louise could snarl a response, a different voice came from the entryway at the top of the seating tiers. "Before that, is he her familiar in the first place?"

Ranma looked up at the redhead from the dining hall yesterday, whose merry arrival made Louise cringe.  The rest of the class also quieted a bit, though Ranma supposed it was more the boys being distracted by her appearance than the validity of her question.  The redhead had a much more sultry, attention-grabbing look than Louise, the blonde, or any of the other girls present in the room.  He easily noticed the souring mood among those girls as well.

Or it could be the large red lizard breathing fire at her feet.  Hard to say.

"What's your business?" Louise asked the redhead loudly.

The redhead feigned offense as she took her own seat, though she sat on top of the small table there rather than in the chair.  "I just wanted to make sure you didn't pull a trick on us, with that bizarre summoning."

At her mention, the rest of the class started to grumble, giving Ranma the sense that they had all unconsciously chosen not to think about seeing him fight the chimera until the redhead alluded to it.

"Especially since Mr. Colbert then took you aside," the redhead said.  "Just odd, you know?  I'm still not convinced that you didn't make a show to distract us."  She focused on Ranma.  "Why don't you two show us that you're legitimate?"

Louise opened her mouth to retort, but Ranma spoke first. "Didn't you promise to leave us alone?"

Ranma's direct words to the redhead drew angry faces from the boys around her, and a confused glance from Louise, but the redhead only smiled.  "I kept quiet the entire rest of yesterday.  Don't fault me for not keeping the promise longer, but Louise taking everything personally makes it impossible."

At Louise's familiar glare, Ranma decided the redhead might have a point.

"Or instead," the redhead said, crossing her legs in an unnecessary display of sensuality, "why don't you just prove your claim?  Seems like that's easier."

Louise's glance at Ranma with filled with worry, until she hardened it before turning back to the redhead.  "Who should prove anything to you?  If you don't believe it, ask Mr. Colbert."

"Oh, I don't believe that for a minute.  It's a lot easier for a daughter of Valliere to tell a teacher what to say than for a mage to summon a human familiar.  Or a Zero to summon anything at all.  Wouldn't everyone think so?"

The rest of the class nodded at that.

Quote
"It is important than that," Colbert said, though Ranma could see him start to fidget.

Shouldn't that be more important?

Decent start. Louise seems in hyper-bitch mode, albeit with some justification with what's happened. Colbert seems slightly off. He's really using his authority, which isn't something you usually see out of him. Anyway, I like that Ranma isn't immediately a familiar. I have no idea what this Ranma's skill set is, so the fact that he has to potentially prove himself provides a good hook. That kept me reading the last part quite intently.

QuoteShouldn't that be more important?

Fixed. Thanks.

QuoteLouise seems in hyper-bitch mode, albeit with some justification with what's happened.

It's kind of hard to balance. What is reasonable and realistic? What is over the line into bashing? I have to run on intuition and character motivation.

QuoteColbert seems slightly off. He's really using his authority, which isn't something you usually see out of him.

Yeah, I had to tweak his character protrayal a bit sterner than canon. I justify this by showing that Ranma is being really suspicious, but the greater theme I was experimenting with is the ingrained differences in behavior between noble and commoner. Realistically, the difference should be at least as extreme as that of real life.  Canon Zero no Tsukaima didn't seriously expound on it, for the sake of humor and of making the adult nobles easier to relate to, but I wanted to press the point a bit more.  Colbert is the only readily available example of an adult noble to contrast Louise with, since Osmond would be even more off-canon if pushed into that role.

QuoteAnyway, I like that Ranma isn't immediately a familiar.

Everybody likes that, apparently.  I was prepared to go either way, but there was a real pressure in this direction.

QuoteI have no idea what this Ranma's skill set is, so the fact that he has to potentially prove himself provides a good hook. That kept me reading the last part quite intently.

Good to hear. My default disclaimer is that Sightless Spark's Ranma has a complicated background concept, and given the range of reader preferences, I can't guarantee that any revelations won't strike you as awfully stupid.

Quote from: KLSymph on April 02, 2013, 03:03:48 AMIt's kind of hard to balance. What is reasonable and realistic? What is over the line into bashing? I have to run on intuition and character motivation.

Yeah, fair enough. I think you're still within reasonable parameters, especially as long as Ranma antagonizes her.

QuoteEverybody likes that, apparently.  I was prepared to go either way, but there was a real pressure in this direction.

Oh yeah. It's a thing in the fandom with bad fics. They have entities that in no way should allow themselves to be bound going along with it, then rigidly sticking to canon. Sense? What's that? Anything that intelligently bucks that trend scores instant points.

QuoteGood to hear. My default disclaimer is that Sightless Spark's Ranma has a complicated background concept, and given the range of reader preferences, I can't guarantee that any revelations won't strike you as awfully stupid.

Nah, that's fine. This is something that benefits from showing instead of telling. Feeding it out in carefully considered pieces can make even the oddest concept seem intriguing.

Are you planning on continuing this? It's quite an enjoyable read.

I do like that Ranma is unperturbed by this entire situation. God knows that he's been through weirder. Although there is a somewhat common thread with any "Louise summons something/someone that isn't Saito" that the familiar (or whatever) she summons is less of a doormat than he is and more of an equal, at least at the outset, the way that you've portrayed it here, with Ranma at least a little interested in helping, but not just for the sake of being bullied into it, is refreshing.

Quote from: Anastasia on April 02, 2013, 03:34:28 AMOh yeah. It's a thing in the fandom with bad fics. They have entities that in no way should allow themselves to be bound going along with it, then rigidly sticking to canon. Sense? What's that? Anything that intelligently bucks that trend scores instant points.

I had a vague sense this was the case. Luckily, it would be hard to ever accuse me of rigidly following canon. Right now I'm weighing how much longer I want to keep hitting notes of canon (the summoning, the first day in class). Pretty sure I don't want to force the duel with Guiche, since I hear that's played out.

On the other hand, I also don't want to do what I did in the Sightless Spark main story and just set the whole place on fire.

Quote from: Grahf on April 02, 2013, 04:35:38 AMAre you planning on continuing this? It's quite an enjoyable read.

I'm going to continue it, but I'm actively trying not to plan, because then I have analysis paralysis.  So at any particular moment I don't really know where to go next.  I write slooooooow.

QuoteI do like that Ranma is unperturbed by this entire situation. God knows that he's been through weirder. Although there is a somewhat common thread with any "Louise summons something/someone that isn't Saito" that the familiar (or whatever) she summons is less of a doormat than he is and more of an equal, at least at the outset, the way that you've portrayed it here, with Ranma at least a little interested in helping, but not just for the sake of being bullied into it, is refreshing.

Ranma's concept was designed to always have him act somewhat off-angle to reader expectations, mostly because I enjoy reading such a character and that keeps me interested in writing. I'm always happy to learn that other readers also enjoy it, because otherwise I stare at the pages and pages of notes I've written about his personality over the years and think, wow, I'm kinda crazy.

Per the discussion on IRC.

Nothing immediately off about your pacing right now.  You haven't run (what little I know of) the plot of FoZ off the rails yet, so that's not a problem.  What you've written is significant, but its still in the introductory stages, so it's not really apparent what the pacing ought to be.  There's always the problem of people who relentlessly characterize and don't move a plot at all, but based on what you've written in the past, I don't think you have that problem.  General entertainment value...well, the comments from everyone else ought to speak for itself.

One side thought is that in your other stories, Restart (which I just checked and hadn't realized you'd been updating), SS, and that earlier Ranma-in-Mahora fic (IIRC Festiva Something?), there has always been a sense of Ranma having his own murky agenda based on his own comments and reactions to the other characters.  That can't be the case here, since there's literally no history between Ranma and the others before the first scene, so that might affect readers' perception of this fic.

Quote from: Jason_Miao on April 02, 2013, 01:25:13 PMNothing immediately off about your pacing right now.  You haven't run (what little I know of) the plot of FoZ off the rails yet, so that's not a problem.  What you've written is significant, but its still in the introductory stages, so it's not really apparent what the pacing ought to be.  There's always the problem of people who relentlessly characterize and don't move a plot at all, but based on what you've written in the past, I don't think you have that problem.

My concerns about pacing are like this: I read a range other fanfics and professional novels to keep perspective on my writing, and I notice that for any given length in pagecount or filesize, my number of plot points is a lot lower than other people's; i.e., my pacing is a lot slower.  I feel comfortable with my pacing, but at the same time I also enjoy the faster pacing of others, to the point where when I'm immersed I sometimes don't intuitively detect a significant difference in pacing even though when I actually measure them later they are totally different.  This bugs me a lot when writing, because my slower pace means that for any particular length of writing I do, I lay down a lot less plot than others, leading to my complaint that I wrote for like a month and I have so little to show for it.

There are a bunch of reasons why my pacing is comparatively slow.  Setting aside plot needs which are hard to negotiate, one major reason for my pacing is that I write more description than those I sample from, as (over)compensation for my dislike of reading fanfiction where there is too little description.  Another is that I write scenes that are very long, as... uh, (over)compensation for my dislike of reading fanfiction where the scenes are way too short.  Keep in mind that my descriptions and scenes are overdone even by the standards of professional fantasy novels (the closest genre equivalent), even when I tighten them up to the limit without compromising the feel.  It makes me wonder if I should be go over that limit and sacrifice the feel for a leaner, punchier style and more productive writing.  Yet I really value the feel of my stories and feedback suggests readers enjoy it too.  It creates a dissonance that worries me, making me think there's some aspect of writing I haven't grasped yet.

Thus you always see me over-analyzing my writing in IRC.

QuoteOne side thought is that in your other stories, Restart (which I just checked and hadn't realized you'd been updating), SS, and that earlier Ranma-in-Mahora fic (IIRC Festiva Something?), there has always been a sense of Ranma having his own murky agenda based on his own comments and reactions to the other characters.  That can't be the case here, since there's literally no history between Ranma and the others before the first scene, so that might affect readers' perception of this fic.

Why does having no history with the other characters in the setting prevent Ranma from having his own murky agenda?  SS Ranma always seems to have an agenda mostly because I've always strongly pushed the idea that SS Ranma is a character with his own unique past and his own strong motivations that color his behavior (as overcompensation, et cetera et cetera). That is still the case here, even if Ranma doesn't have preexisting relationships with the people he's interacting with.

Quote from: KLSymph on April 02, 2013, 03:24:25 PM
My concerns about pacing are like this: I read a range other fanfics and professional novels to keep perspective on my writing, and I notice that for any given length in pagecount or filesize, my number of plot points is a lot lower than other people's; i.e., my pacing is a lot slower.  I feel comfortable with my pacing, but at the same time I also enjoy the faster pacing of others, to the point where when I'm immersed I sometimes don't intuitively detect a significant difference in pacing even though when I actually measure them later they are totally different. 

There are a bunch of reasons why my pacing is comparatively slow.  Setting aside plot needs which are hard to negotiate, one major reason for my pacing is that I write more description than those I sample from, as (over)compensation for my dislike of reading fanfiction where there is too little description.  Another is that I write scenes that are very long, as... uh, (over)compensation for my dislike of reading fanfiction where the scenes are way too short. 

Yokohama Shopping Diary is a post-apocalyptic manga that was glacial in its pace, and yet is highly regarded.  It's good, it's relaxing, and that differentiates it from other good but mostly same and generic post-apocalyptic stories.

One could certainly make it faster paced by throwing in fast-paced adventuring with twists, bandits, having Alpha actually use her pistol often...but I don't think that would make it a better story.  It's different from other stories that take place in the post-apocalyptic setting, but it works.

About overdescription and overly long scenes, have you had readers complain about this?  Or is this just your own analysis in comparison with other fantasy novels.  Because if it's the later, then see the next paragraph.

Quote
Keep in mind that my descriptions and scenes are overdone even by the standards of professional fantasy novels (the closest genre equivalent), even when I tighten them up to the limit without compromising the feel. 

IMO, most professional fantasy novels suck in terms of actual writing.  I devoured the things as a kid, but going back through most of them now, I realize how terrible they really are.  "A young person gets involved in stuff, and learns that he is THE ONE.  Now he has to adventure!  For poorly explained reasons that could be explained, but isn't because that doesn't advance the 'plot'! Stuff happens, as coincidences or because a wizard did it, every third scene!  And oh hey, forget about all that, because there's a DRAGON right over there.  Look at the DRAGON and forget all that other plot holes dressed up with Tolkienesque verbiage without Tokien's professorial knowledge of mythology and legends to actually make it all hang together.  See, DRAGON!  DRAGON!  Don't look at the fact that the antagonist is a boring caricature, look at the DRAGON!"

Many professional novels infodump up front.  Many professional novels fail to really develop characters as meaningful entities.  I never read 50 Shades or Twilight, but I've had people read select passages to me to demonstrate the quality of writing; so, clearly, writing well isn't necessarily a direct correlation with commercial success.

There are lots of writing techniques that professionals use.  I try to pay attention to those, especially if it's used by a writer I think does not suck.  But their metrics, I tend to ignore.

Quote
Why does having no history with the other characters in the setting prevent Ranma from having his own murky agenda? 

In a universe where Ranma is a resident, not explaining things makes sense, because people don't go around in real life and overexplain everything.  And in those previous stories, you've started at a point where Ranma already has some goals or some plan in place, so him not infodumping just means you're not trying to shoehorn an omniscient narrator into a story that isn't supposed to have one.

Here, Ranma has to learn about the world, its condition, and formulate new plans anyway, so I'm not sure how hiding what Ranma intends to do would benefit the story in a sensible way.  You could hide his plans, but if you're following along with his thoughts in the narration, I'd think it would seem contrived to a reader.

But if you think you can make it work despite all that, well, there's only one way to be sure (no, not nukes).

Quote from: Jason_Miao on April 02, 2013, 11:35:47 PMAbout overdescription and overly long scenes, have you had readers complain about this?  Or is this just your own analysis in comparison with other fantasy novels.  Because if it's the later [...] There are lots of writing techniques that professionals use.  I try to pay attention to those, especially if it's used by a writer I think does not suck.  But their metrics, I tend to ignore.

People don't complain, no. You have a point in that professional metrics aren't always applicable. Still, they're a demonstrably successful alternative to what I'm doing, which means I gotta sit down, think about why they're as successful as they are, and try to find if there's any part of their basis that I should claim for myself.  Maybe, maybe not.

QuoteIn a universe where Ranma is a resident, not explaining things makes sense, because people don't go around in real life and overexplain everything.  And in those previous stories, you've started at a point where Ranma already has some goals or some plan in place, so him not infodumping just means you're not trying to shoehorn an omniscient narrator into a story that isn't supposed to have one. Here, Ranma has to learn about the world, its condition, and formulate new plans anyway, so I'm not sure how hiding what Ranma intends to do would benefit the story in a sensible way.  You could hide his plans, but if you're following along with his thoughts in the narration, I'd think it would seem contrived to a reader.

Ah, I was a little unsure what exactly you meant by murky agenda, since that refers to a bunch of different things. I thought you meant that Ranma won't develop an agenda.  He will, of course.  Regarding the murkiness, Ranma will mentally plan and review, and that will be narrated to the reader as usual (unless I switch POV to someone else, I guess).  In that sense, his agenda won't be artificially concealed.

On the other hand, Ranma won't mentally explain all his reasons, the same way a normal person doesn't mentally lay out careful explanations for every action. Everyone has principles and assumptions so fundamental that he doesn't think about them, and Ranma's are, of course, somewhat off-angle to a normal person's.  Alas, you can't fully understand Ranma just by reading his thoughts.

Oh, I have a question I meant to ask when you posted. Will you be writing more of this, and if so, will you be posting it here?

Yes, and sure.

In hindsight, I should've put [Ranma/ZnT] into the thread title.

Thanks to the miraculous power of the modify button, you still can!

Brian, either you are some kind of sorcerer or I am very unobservant.

Six of one, half a dozen of the other. ;)

Louise suddenly stood up to face the redhead.  "Stop it already," she said.  "As if you even care whether he's my familiar, and not just hoping people will keep watching you. Why don't you show some dignity for once!"

"And you," the redhead said, "just want everyone to believe you summoned a familiar.  And why should we, when you skinned your knees in a second-year flying class?  And spilled an entire cabinet of hydrargyrum while mixing potions?"

"Don't forget getting scared by slugs," said one of the boys, to some laughter from the class and even the amused sounds from their familiars.

"I wasn't scared of slugs," Louise said loudly to the crowd. "They were being thrown."  She turned back to the redhead. "And I attended those classes.  It's not like you even worked in any of them."

The redhead played with her hair in playful disinterest.  "I passed, didn't I?  They're not hard for the rest of us, you know."

Ranma continued to lean against the wall during this exchange, taking it all in.  The class seemed to weigh against Louise with their reactions, but despite how red-faced the girl became, she seemed used to this kind of mockery and didn't look to him for support.  Not that he would've given it; as long as the redhead didn't press any arguments about him, he wasn't going to step into this mess.

"Don't say it as if you're so talented in everything," Louise said.  "All you do is fire this and fire that.  Even if you can't learn some Tristainian decorum after a year here, you could pick up a spell other than Fireball for variety, at least!"

The redhead's smile was scathing.  "I might not bother expanding my spell-list, but I hardly think my talents are inadequate compared to yours."

Then she did that move girls do where they cross their arms under their chest and lift.  It drew the gaze of every male in the room, Ranma included, and made all the other girls visibly seethe.

This must be some of that decorum the redhead never learned.

As the girls began raising their voices in retort, one of the classroom doors opened.  A plump and middle-aged woman entered, dressed in purple looking robes that gave her the same scholarly air that Colbert had.

"What is this?" the woman said.  "So loud in the morning, and it doesn't sound like eagerness to learn."

The class fell a little quieter, but the redhead used the chance to call out.  "Perfect!  Teacher, would you please confirm for us whether this--" She pointed to Ranma.  "--is Valliere's familiar or not?"

The teacher looked upon Ranma in confusion, then back to the expectant looks aimed at her from the rest of the class. "Do you mean this boy here?  The commoner?  I had heard something about about it."  She looked at Louise, whose face was frozen in panic.  "You are Miss Valliere, then?  To have summoned a human familiar is a unique feat."

"We know it is," the redhead said, unabashedly cutting in. "But the class would like a solid confirmation."

The teacher gave the redhead a disapproving glance, but it seemed she had no reason to refuse.  She gestured for Ranma to come closer, and when he did so, she scrutinized him for a second.  Ranma reached for his glove, thinking she would want to inspect the runes.

"I don't sense much out of the ordinary with him," the teacher said instead.

"Ha!"  The redhead's reaction was quick, even though the teacher didn't look like she was done talking.  "As always, you have nothing to show, Valliere!"

The class descended again into laughing and yelling, but Ranma ignored them as he withdrew a small note from his pocket on the inside of his hunting jacket, which he presented to the teacher.  The teacher read it, then turned back to the rest of the class.

"Be silent, class.  It seems I was mistaken.  This commoner has been properly confirmed as Miss Valliere's familiar by the school.  It has been very well verified and documented, so there is no question here after all."

The students looked at each other in stunned silence, but the redhead recovered first, and pointed at Ranma as he hid the document away in his jacket again.  "What is that he just passed you?  It's the Valliere family buying the teachers off, isn't it?"

Louise pushed back without pause.  "How dare you?!  I won't forgive you for throwing dirt on my family name this time, Zerbst!"

Ranma sighed as the two returned to their bickering.  At the same time, the teacher gave a weary sigh of her own.

"You've only gotten this far because of that family name," the redhead said, standing tall to gather the admiring stares of the boys and looking like she was enjoying the argument tremendously.  "I bet all it takes is a word to have the school bowing and scraping for your benefit."

"Who do you see bowing and scraping?" Louise said, not backing down from the taller girl.  "If I had that kind of power, I would've deported you back to Germania long ago!"

The redhead pulled a thin wand from somewhere in her cleavage and pointed it at Louise, drawing nervous frowns from the people sitting nearby.  "Hmph, it sounds like you don't mind trying."

Louise, already enraged beyond concern, drew her own wand to match.  When she did so, the room fell into sudden and strangled quiet.  Even the familiars stopped making noise.

Ranma didn't know most of what the two were going on about. They could've been talking past each other, for all he cared, but this change in the mood piqued his interest.

In the next instant, both standing girls buckled at the knees and sat heavily, each weighed down by a helm of brownish clay that covered their shoulders and head.

"I should say this has been enough foolishness before class," the teacher said as she lowered her wand.  "My word, this generation."

---

The class continued in strict silence after the teacher made everyone shut up, and Ranma was told to wait outside so that his presence wouldn't disrupt things further.  From there, he heard the sounds of a lecture about magical elements--rather classical stuff that Ranma had already guessed just from the whole fire affinity business the day before.  Earth, water, air, and fire--he assumed it was Greek-inspired rather than Buddhist--plus some geometry terms thrown in, but most of the lecture was about alchemical uses.  Nothing interesting.

The argument showed him a bit of Louise interacting with her peers, though there were details he couldn't follow.  The whole class had been sort of high-strung, especially when wands got pointed.  That seemed to scare everyone more than a normal girls' slapfight would.

Wasn't Louise reportedly bad at magic?  Hmm.

After class, Louise was the first to rush out of the room, passing Ranma without noticing him.  When she saw him keeping pace about halfway down the hall, she was nearly in tears, and very happy to bite someone's head off.

"Why didn't you stand up for me," she asked, "instead of leaning against the wall for the whole time that Germanian woman belittled me?"

Ranma picked a speck of dried red clay from the many that clung to the black cape over her shoulders, and ignored her burning red face.  That question seemed pretty stupid given the circumstances between them, but she was dumping her hurt feelings on him, and Ranma had no trouble brushing off other people's problems.

"Did you want me to rescue you?" he said, not cloaking a hint of mockery.

"I don't need your help," Louise said without the slightest pause over inconsistency.

Ranma heard a laugh, and turned to see the redheaded girl again come to antagonize Louise.  Unlike Louise, the redhead's mood was as brazen as ever, enough that Ranma wondered if she wasn't somewhat boozed.

"You shouldn't be so stubborn," the redhead said.  "It's not like you can do anything by yourself.  Go on and ask for a commoner's help."

"Are you still looking for a fight?" Louise said with hackles raised.

"With you?  Always."

Though the redhead had been accompanied by a number of boys from the classroom, Ranma noted that they and the rest of the students had started keeping a good distance.

Louise reached into her skirt for her wand, but before she could draw it, Ranma laid one hand on her wrist, making her jump.

"Let me," he said, though he looked straight at the redhead.

Louise froze at his statement.  "Wh-what are you doing?"

The hallway was now filled with students departing from classes.  They murmured at Ranma's words or at the sudden lack of traffic.  The redhead ignored both them and Louise, looking a bit less sure of what to do after Ranma intruded on her spat with Louise.

She asked, "You want to fight for her?  Why?"

Ranma smiled a little too brightly.  "Why so surprised about me protecting her?  I said I'm her familiar, and that's something familiars do."

"Hey, I don't need your protection!"  Louise didn't catch the message when Ranma flattened his smile and turned towards her.  "And are you insane?  You can't fight her!"

Louise didn't know that Ranma had already confronted the redhead, but Ranma could see the redhead hesitating, recalling that her fire did nothing to him.  That'd be a different story from taunting Louise if Louise was bad at magic.

"No worries," the redhead said after that pause.  "It's beneath me to fight a peasant.  You don't have to be so concerned about him, familiar or not."

Louise spoke so quickly it must be a reflex.  "Coward."

Ranma wondered if he should go ahead and say out loud that she needed to shut up.

"On the other hand," the redhead said loudly enough for the entire hallway to hear, "perhaps one of our fine Tristainian gentlemen would be willing to act as my champion for a fight?"

As male faces in the gathered crowd began to brighten, a gurgle slipped from Louise's throat, almost too soft for Ranma to hear over the gossip in the halls.

---

"Why are you doing this?" Louise asked.

Ranma stared at her, then turned to look back at the servants' exit to the grassy terrace from the main tower, then back.  "Were you waiting out here to catch me?"

Louise ignored Ranma's question.  "You buffoon, do you understand what kind of harm a noble can do to you in a fight?"

Ranma kept staring at her as he began spooning porridge from the small bowl he held into his mouth.  It was very bland. "I'm your familiar," he said between gulps.  "I should be your shield, according to your teacher."  The porridge disappeared all too soon, and he set the empty bowl on a nearby table.  "This fight with your dark-skinned friend is something I want to use to show that relationship. Otherwise, it looks like she'll just keep bringing that up, and who wants to deal with it?"

Louise stood with her hands on her hips, looking like the ten-year-old that Ranma still thought she might be, if he hadn't heard differently.  Why was she so much smaller than everyone else?  "Like I said before, you should just accept being my familiar for real."

"Wouldn't work.  Too much self-respect."

He could hear Louise's nerves fray.  "Then I'll go and have the teachers stop this," she said.

"Knock yourself out," Ranma said as he patted his jacket pocket.  "I figured something might happen, so I talked your schoolmaster into writing up his formal approval.  I even convinced him to not let any of the teachers get in the way.  For your education, you see."

Louise flinched.  "You talked with Old Osmond?  When?  How did you even get an audience?"

"You can do a lot if you don't spend the night crying in your room.  And it was easy to talk the old guy into it.  I dunno, I think he's really bored.  Or he wants to mess with you, maybe."

The prolonged trembling of Louise's body that had been there the entire day intensified further.  "You don't understand. I don't want to say this, but your opponent is top of the class in fire magic.  She won't pause to pity you before burning you alive.  Why aren't you getting this?"

"I thought she wasn't going to fight.  Wasn't she going to get some boys to do it for her?"

"You don't know her.  The boys will make fun of you for a while, but they won't kill you for her.  Then she'll get bored of watching and fight you herself anyway."

Ranma blinked at the tiny pink girl.  "Are you worried about me?"

Louise's facial muscles twitched.  "No!  What will happen to me when you get annihilated?"

Ranma regarded Louise for a long, disappointed moment, until she began to grow uncomfortable at his silence.  "You're not cute," he said, provoking her temper once again.  "And I'll be fine.  I got a few tricks."

Louise followed him, ranting about his boorishness and disobedience, all the way to the small shack where Colbert had kept a small research lab.

It wasn't hard to find, being the only shack there as well as filling the air with the bitter smell of industrial chemicals.  Ranma was about to pound on the wooden door when Colbert opened it from inside, absent-mindedly looking like he was hurrying off somewhere else.

"Mister Colbert," Louise said before Ranma could get a word out.  "I beg you, give me permission to punish this commoner for his willful disrespect!"

Ranma and Colbert both turned to look at the girl, and Louise stared back without any of the humble supplication her request should've carried.

Colbert said, "...No."  While Louise glowered at the dismissal, he turned to Ranma.  "And what do you want?"

"I need my sword back for something."

"Oh."  The man frowned and adjusted his spectacles.  "I'd say that's not how confiscation works, but it doesn't much matter now."  He pointed back into the dimly lit room.

Ranma entered the lab, a small workspace cluttered with hand tools and containers, some organized in bins and shelves but many strewn across the tabletops.  Open notebooks were laid around in similar randomness, and the smell of sulfur and carbon products was even heavier inside.

There in the center of a cleared patch of stone floor, he saw his katana resting flat.  Sort of flat.  The curved blade of the katana had somehow developed a harsh twist in the middle, the metal bent as if it had been subjected to a focused heat that softened one section of the blade and warped it in a new, upward angle.  The heat that one might create by, for example, firing a mid-potency fire spell repeatedly at one spot.

Ranma fell to his hands and knees in defeat before his broken weapon.

"I have to go to lunch," Colbert said.  "So... close up when you're done."

Ranma heard the man's shamed retreat fade into the distance, and then the room was filled with subdued quiet.

Louise waited a while before asking, "Are you alright?"

"Sure," Ranma said as he hopped back to his feet and wiped metal shavings from his pants.  "Just being dramatic."

The disgust on Louise's face was quite pointed.

Setting his amusement aside, Ranma picked up his bent sword and set it on the nearby worktable.  He scanned the room for tools, and among the screws and chisels in what he assumed
was the woodworking corner he found a small hammer.  "You're definitely going to be killed," Louise said while Ranma picked up the hammer and a thin metal rod.  "You think your stupid jokes will save you in a real fight?"

Though it wasn't the right tool for the job, Ranma placed the metal rod against the katana's hilt and tapped with the hammer, pushing out bit by bit the mekugi--wooden peg--that secured the hilt to the tang of the sword.  "Who's to say we'll have a real fight?  I haven't seen one happen since coming here."

Louise squinted at his work as Ranma pulled the hilt free of the tang, and then pulled the tsuba--the oval disk that rested between hilt and blade as a hand-guard--off of the tang the same way.  "What are you doing?" she said.

Ranma inspected the disk, making sure that it and the characters inscribed on it were undamaged.  "You know much about swords?"

"Of course not.  I've never used one."

"So what's the point of me explaining it?"

In response, Louise seized Ranma by the jacket and turned him to face her.  Ranma retreated as she pushed him into the table with all her teenage strength.  "I've had enough!" she said.  "If you don't want to become a black mark on the courtyard, you're going to stop and you're going to listen to what I have to say!"

Well now, this was different.  Maybe the girl had decided to bring out some real initiative, after spending so much time sulking and avoiding him.  "I'm listening," he said, letting himself be pushed into the table as Louise stood there shaking.

"If you pick a fight with the people in my class," Louise said, "you'll be killed, and it won't prove to anyone that you're my familiar.  That Germainian witch just wants me to look bad, and she's been doing it forever.  It's nothing you should stick your nose in, so stop leading her on."

"You might be fine with that happening," Ranma said, "but I'm not gonna sit down and stay quiet."  He slipped the disk into his jacket's inside pocket.  "What good will it do if we don't confront our problems?"

"You have to be some kind of barbarian if you can be so relaxed about confronting a noble.  You've obviously never seen what magic is able to do to a mere commoner. Especially right now when you don't even have your weapon."

"I'm not worried," Ranma said.  "Why don't you show me some of this magic I should be scared of, if you're so sure. Wait, weren't you not too good at it?"

Louise backed away from him a little bit.  "I'm good enough to blast you," she said, and brandished the wand.

Before the tip of that wand could be pointed at him, Ranma darted around Louise's side, moving his body out of her line of sight.  When the girl swung her arm to follow him, he slipped all the way around to her back.  A little ducking and weaving maintained that situation between them as Louise tried to whirl and face him.  When she tried to be clever and point the wand behind her, Ranma poked her under the ribs, then snatched the wand out of her hand as she shrieked.

Not a disciplined combat magician, this one.

Louise's scream turned from surprise to anger as she, this short little girl, jumped all over him grabbing at her wand, sprawling over his chest in a far from lady-like manner while he raised the prize out of her reach.  She was light and soft, and Ranma would've pushed her off if he wasn't
worried that she'd break at any kind of heavy treatment.

Then Louise realized what she's doing, and jumped back with a shamed face.  "You're just doing this to humiliate me, aren't you?  Like everyone else."

"It's not about you," Ranma said.  "But as long as you're not strong enough to stop it, other people will do what they want.  Why're you bad at this magic stuff anyway?  The rest of the kids seem to do fine."

His question, even though he asked it to check Louise's skills without interest in her reasons, made Louise even more upset.  "I don't need to answer an ignorant commoner like you!  Now return my wand!"

"Why?  If you're bad at magic, I might as well take it.  I can probably find a use.  You might think 'I can't use magic' is a good reason to skip a fight, but I do what I can with what I have.  I'll take a chance and see what happens."

"Your arrogance will kill you," Louise said.  "How am I supposed to protect you if you throw yourself into a fight with nobles?"

"I guess it's up to you to stop things before it gets that far."  Ranma tossed the wand to her.  "Find a way.  It won't be your achievement if I solved everything for you."

Some brief proofing (likely incomplete, since I've had a few beers so am not at my best).

> She turned back to the redhead. "And I attended those class.

classes

> What is that he just passed you?

?

> "You buffoon, do you understand what kind of harm a noble can do to you in a fight?"

Works, but consider replacing "do you" with "don't you".

> She was light and soft, and Ranma would've pushed her off if he wasn't worried that she'll break at any kind of heavy treatment.

she'd

Quote from: Jason_Miao on June 01, 2013, 10:44:05 PMSome brief proofing (likely incomplete, since I've had a few beers so am not at my best).

Drunk proofreading is the best proofreading.

Quote> She turned back to the redhead. "And I attended those class.

classes

Fixed.

Quote> What is that he just passed you?

?

I think this works. It's just "What's that he just passed you?" without the contraction.

Quote> "You buffoon, do you understand what kind of harm a noble can do to you in a fight?"

Works, but consider replacing "do you" with "don't you".

I leaned towards this way because I wanted to create a slightly more-than-casual tone through that slightly less usual phrasing.

Quote> She was light and soft, and Ranma would've pushed her off if he wasn't worried that she'll break at any kind of heavy treatment.

she'd

Similar reason as above, but this time I'll take your suggestion.

Thanks for reading.

Oooh, new chapter.

I like how Ranma's treating the typical duel setup. Instead of it being a chance for the summon to show off, he's using it to get Louise to do something productive. The entire chapter's refreshing since it avoids retreading canon like so many other fics do. I wonder if Louise can actually manage to deal with things?

Quote from: KLSymph on June 01, 2013, 11:08:09 PM

Quote> What is that he just passed you?

?

I think this works. It's just "What's that he just passed you?" without the contraction.

Question: Why remove the contraction?  Casual spoke English is hardly efficient or perfect, so "What's that..." instead of "What did he just pass you?" makes sense in that context.  But if you're going for casual debate, then wouldn't "What's" flow better?  Or is that just how her speech is romanized in the translations of ZnT?

Also, when skimming through this once more:

Quote
I even convinced him to not let any of the teachers get in the way for your education, you see.

Did you mean "I even convinced him to not let any of the teachers get in the way of your education, you see." or "I even convinced him to not let any of the teachers get in the way.  For your education, you see."?

Quote from: AnastasiaI like how Ranma's treating the typical duel setup. Instead of it being a chance for the summon to show off, he's using it to get Louise to do something productive.

That's why I enjoy writing this character.  He's more interested in getting things done than in boasting about himself.

Quote from: Jason_MiaoQuestion: Why remove the contraction?  Casual spoke English is hardly efficient or perfect, so "What's that..." instead of "What did he just pass you?" makes sense in that context.  But if you're going for casual debate, then wouldn't "What's" flow better?  Or is that just how her speech is romanized in the translations of ZnT?

This is an issue of that separation between noble and commoner I mentioned before. The speaker is a noble, so I feel there should be an ingrained level of formality in her habitual word choice  (even though she's less formal than most) due to her assumed upbringing and education that sets her voice apart from how the commoners would speak.

On a more technical note, I didn't want to start one sentence with "What's" and the next one with "It's", since that doesn't flow well to my ear.  (I admit it seems a little inconsistent for a contraction to be here but not there.)  Also, when I read the contracted version "what's that" my mind tends to put a stress on "that", while having "what is that" spreads the stress more evenly across all three words, which sounds more correct to me.

"What did he just pass you" ... that phrasing doesn't seem to fit in this particular situation, for some reason.  *Repeats it a few times.*  Nope.  Just sounds... clunky.

QuoteDid you mean "I even convinced him to not let any of the teachers get in the way of your education, you see." or "I even convinced him to not let any of the teachers get in the way.  For your education, you see."?

Fixed. Should be the second one.

Quote from: KLSymph on June 01, 2013, 05:00:15 PM
Ranma fell to his hands and knees in defeat before his brok

This bit ends here abruptly. Not sure if it's intended or not.

Huh. It sliced off the last 30% of the chapter, which I've now restored. It wasn't like that when I originally posted it (seeing how Jason_Miao quoted a selection of the missing part).

That is weird.

Did you edit it after your initial post? I know SR sometimes trims posts on posting, but never after that. That is odd.

I fixed some stuff that Jason pointed out.  I can't tell why that particular place was truncated, though.

...Fanfic gremlins!

Ranma stood in the courtyard, and returning his stare was a small frog that sat in the grass at his feet.  Curious teens surrounded him at a distance, waiting in quiet anticipation to see how this confrontation would end.

Not knowing what else to do, Ranma lifted his heel.  As he held that foot over the frog, he heard a scream, and then the blonde with the curls from Louise's glass shoved her way through the ring of spectators, ran past Ranma, and scooped up the frog in her hands.

"How dare you steal my familiar for your stupid duel," she said to the redhead in an indignant screech.  "I'll report this effrontery straight to the schoolmaster, Zerbst!"

"I don't think he'll care," the redhead said.  "Children's harmless play, and all that."

One of the boys brandished a rose and stood up against the redhead.  "Damn you, Kirche!" he said.  "To assault my beloved Montmorency!  I demand satisfaction on her behalf!"

"If you want to impress Montmorency," the redhead said, "then come fight this commoner for me.  That'll do the job far better."

"What?  Really?"

The boy with the rose looked over in Ranma's direction at the girl with the frog.  The girl with the frog frowned, and yelled, "No!"

The boy flinched, then turned his wrath back onto the redhead.  "Damn you, Kirche!  You think you can fool me?!"

Ranma heard a faint groan from the girl next to him under the much louder sound of other people snickering.

During the lunch hour, the redhead had gathered quite a large audience of idle kids for the fight with Ranma.  The redhead probably wanted to humiliate Louise by getting him beaten up, but one of the handful of boys hanging around her argued it wasn't right for nobles to face a commoner, so they put a random familiar in front of him instead.

Though Ranma figured the real entertainment was seeing the blonde girl's reaction, not the idiocy of him fighting a frog.

After the blonde girl wandered away and the boy with the rose got laughed off the field, the next boy of the nobility to appear was a rather pudgy kid who looked like he didn't want to be here at all.  Not that he looked afraid of Ranma, but he kept looking around and whining that he hated having to face a commoner.

Well, Ranma was here to give good a show as Louise's familiar.  A little flashiness would be do the job... but not only was that ungraceful, he wanted Louise to put some effort of her own into this.

Ranma looked over at Louise, who was standing a dozen paces away from him in the opposite direction of the redhead. Louise looked extremely cross, which gave him no clues about how to handle this opponent.

"Listen up," the redhead said toward them, but at a voice meant for the entire gathering.  "We can't get a tidy answer from Louise, so to prove he's Louise's real familiar, he'll have to pass a few tests."

She pointed to the fat boy.  "Commoners get hurt too easily, but we'll start by seeing how he deals with a regular wind mage."

"Which means what?" Louise said.

"Against wind," the redhead said, "not getting knocked out for a few seconds is probably good enough."  She turned to the fat boy.  "Well, jump to it.  And don't mess up."

The boy squinted at the redhead, having exhausted his ability to complain about the treatment.  At his position many meters away, he half-turned toward Ranma--not showing much concern about what Ranma would do--and pointed a thin wooden wand, while slowly and loudly chanting a few syllables that Ranma didn't understand.

The result was rather unsophisticated: a fast-traveling blast of air that crossed the distance quickly, but not so quickly that Ranma couldn't see the grass flatten in front of him first and steel himself for the impact.  And it wasn't much of an impact, but around an eight of twelve on the Beaufort scale--enough force to make walking difficult for the average pedestrian but rather tame for Ranma's travels.

Ranma stooped down as the boy--with visible exertion--ramped up the wind speed up to nine for a second, not that he thought being so careful was needed.  The boy couldn't even maintain that power for a whole second before wearing out completely, falling on his rear like someone had pushed him over.

"Was that it?" the redhead said, while Ranma brushed off the bits of grass that had been blown at him.  The entire affair had taken about four seconds, and although a few surprised faces among the gathered teens was turned at Ranma, nobody looked impressed by the fat boy's efforts.  "Well," the redhead said to the boy after a bit of thought, "it's about all I expected from you.  Won't somebody roll him out of here?"

The boy's weak retort made Ranma feel bad, though not bad enough to bother speaking out.

The redhead turned her peeved expression toward Ranma, while Ranma looked over at Louise standing a safe distance away. "Don't get a big head over it," Louise yelled to him, as if Ranma might be proud of beating such a petty challenge. Even though this spectacle had drawn a crowd, he was hoping to make more impact than that, and so far he doubted anyone was much convinced about him being a familiar.

"Who else?" the redhead said, looking over her gathered boys.

Another teen, with brown hair, stepped forward up.  "It is so gauche for us to test the zero," he said, "but for your sake, let me demean my craft."

While Louise yelled something, the redhead nodded and the new boy did his own wand-waving and incantation--this time, Ranma felt a slight trembling in the earth before a single pillar of dirt rose up from the ground in front of him.

"If you're no simple commoner," the boy said with a sneer, "then why not try to break this?  If you have the strength, of course."

Ranma touched the pillar, noting both the bits of dirt that crumbled and fell at his touch and the extra surprise hiding deeper inside.  Was he supposed to injure himself trying to punch through the dirt?  Seemed a little cautious for someone so certain of his superiority.

Ranma turned his head back toward Louise.  "Can you help a bit?" he said.  "I can't exactly punch through rock."

"Oh Louise," the redhead said immediately.  "I'm so sorry, I'm afraid your commoner can't tell the difference between stone and soil."

While other people chuckled and the boy widened his eyes at Ranma, Louise shook with suppressed anger at all the ridicule.  She had to take a few deep breaths, but once she got a hold of herself, she walked up closer to Ranma and--setting aside her continual glare--did her own little show with her wand and the chanting.

Unlike with the boys, nothing appeared to happen at this display, but Ranma expected that.  Louise had stated that since he was confident enough to fight against her wishes, she would do no more to aid him than pantomime some spellcasting.

Ranma turned back to the pillar of dirt, drew one one fist back, and punched the pillar with a mighty blow.  Then he turned back to Louise and said, "Something's wrong!  It didn't work!"

Only two people on that lawn weren't laughing so hard they had to hold their stomachs.  The first was too busy stepping backwards.  The second was too busy trying to throttle the first.

"Certainly matching the rumored talents of the daughter of Duke Valliere," the boy said to the redhead.  "Always a chuckle, yes?"

"Don't listen to them," Ranma said to Louise.  "I'm sure you can do it if you try harder."  The laughter grew louder at that claim.

"Why do you keep humiliating me?" Louise said, her face red from exertion.  "I can't do what you're telling me to do!"

Ranma stopped dodging suddenly, and Louise crashed into him. She sort of bounced off, but she managed not to fall down from the impact.

It was obvious Louise couldn't cast a spell to make him strong enough to punch through rock.  He realized that from all the comments about her, even if she refused to talk about it herself.  And that made no difference to him--what did he need with extra power?

"I'm not telling you to do magic," Ranma said with none of the humor of everyone else on the field.  "Haven't you been listening?  What matters right now isn't whether you can cast a spell, but whether we support each other as though I'm your familiar.  You're not doing your half."

"What does that even mean?  You keep telling me to figure it out, but--"

Ranma looked around at the crowd of teens who were watching the two of them with unhidden interest and derision.  The redhead seemed especially interested in the pause, though Ranma didn't think they could hear from so far away, while the earth mage boy was already bored from waiting.

As for Ranma himself, he was starting to lose patience with Louise's dullness.  "Fine," he said, and gestured Louise to come closer.  "I'll give you a pass this time, but you better do this right."

Louise frowned in confusion, but she came within arm's reach before stopping again.  The girl was tensing all of her small body, maybe expecting him to lash out at her if she came any closer.

"Put out your hands," Ranma said, unpleased with her hesitation.  When Louise did so, he lowered one knee to the grass, which was just enough to put her face above his with their difference in height.  He placed his gloved left hand hand upon the pocket where he put the tsuba from his sword, then on top of her outstretched palms.

Louise stared him with complete confusion, while the rest of the teens began jeering at the sight.  When Louise tried to pull her hands back, Ranma closed his hand on hers.  "Ignore them," he said, not that he wanted anyone to get the wrong idea here either.  "Hold onto my hand tight, and don't flinch."

"What are you doing?" Louise said in a fluster.  "I don't like this."

As if Ranma enjoyed kneeling for her.

"Shut up and close your eyes," he said, and whether or not she did so, he closed his own.

Inside his body, spirit flowed from the vessel of his heart toward his left hand.  Though his eyes were closed and his hand was covered, Ranma knew that the markings--laid on his hand by that teacher Colbert--now glowed with dim fire. Louise's tiny scream told him as much, though Ranma hoped everyone else was too far away to notice.

This trick wasn't something a magician should be so frightened over, though Ranma admitted she may screaming about the painful heat bleeding from his hand than from the surprise of what he had done.  Whichever it was, he kept gripping the hand she wasn't able to pull back for another ten seconds for the heat to dim before releasing it and sending her scrambling back.

Couldn't that girl even pretend to support him?  Ugh.

While Louise retreated, Ranma turned and stepped back up to the earth mage's pillar.  The boy still looked as smug and bored as before, and the audience was still as noisy and insulting.  The redhead now stared at him with a silent frown.

"And what good did that serve?" the boy said, though Ranma didn't know whether the boy was addressing him or Louise. "If you would only commisserate on your inabilities, at least keep it short!  Bear in mind that your betters have important business in the afternoon."

Ranma figured the boy wasn't expecting an answer from a mere commoner like himself, so he wordlessly removed the black glove from his left hand.  The redhead looked on with clear fascination as he flexed his fingers, while the boy showed no similar concern.

How to do this right?  Ranma would rather keep his powers low-key to not disturb the situation much, but at the same time it would be just so satisfying to knock all these people out of their assumptions.  Commoners can't have powers, hah.

Ranma raised his left hand and made a gentle slashing motion.  As his fingers touched the pillar of soil and hidden stone, the runes on the back of that hand flared. The arc of his hand didn't slow as it crossed the pillar, drawing a ragged diagonal scar on the surface that glowed a brilliant red.

A living creature would've already died from that, but the pillar didn't collapse.  Seeing only the visible display, all the students of the magic school feel silent.  The redhead looked shocked, as did some of the other students, but most--including the earth mage--seemed only confused at what Ranma had done.

The earth mage asked, "What the devil was tha--"

Ranma pressed his entire hand against the pillar and flared the runes again.  The pillar exploded with a bang, sending a blistering shower of stone pebbles on everyone in that direction.  Though it wasn't the sort of effect that could injure, it sent all those people screaming and taking cover, which was enough for Ranma.

The earth mage scrambled back to his feet, his face all paled, while students around him pointed scared and angry glares on Ranma.  Ranma didn't know what Louise's reaction was, but he doubted it was very different.  The boys around the redhead, who were so eagerly waiting their turn to confront and humiliate him, looked quite a lot less enthused when Ranma returned his own pleasant but condescending face of challenge, but before anyone else could answer, the redhead shoved the earth mage aside.

"I am Kirche, the Ardent, of the principality of Anhalt-Zerbst."

Her voice pressed the rising clamour back down to silence. She looked neither scared nor angry, but her forcefulness sounded no less upset than anyone else.  She was, Ranma noticed, the first person here to introduce herself to him.

Ranma waved, and called back across the distance.  "Hello! Nice to meet you!"

The redhead, Kirche, seemed rather pissed off about that reply.  She raised her wand, but before she could act, Louise darted between them.  Ranma blinked at this sudden intrusion, but while he didn't care for it, he kept quiet to see what the two girls would do.

"Don't you dare!" Louise said to Kirche.  "I'm not going to let you attack my familiar."

"And how will you stop me?" Kirche said, confirming Louise's accusation. 

Louise's sharp reply was lost to the wind as Ranma pushed her away from the blast of flame that came next.  Ranma supposed he should apologize to Louise later for doubting her claim that Kirche would fight.  He dialed up his chi-driven resistance to high temperatures until he could feel a rough discomfort from the passing fire, but no more higher.  After all, it wouldn't be believable if he acted completely immune to fire.

He didn't know what Kirche's problem was, but the redhead was out for blood from the outset.  She spared no further words of challenge, and her spells of concentrated flame flew at him repeatedly, covering the field with acrid smoke and the phantom sound of crackling wood.  She was focused on overwhelming him with heat and dazzle.  It was much less refined than Colbert's casting from the day before.

The fact that he dodged all her attacks insulted her more.

Even the other kids were getting caught up at this point, screaming and running for cover all around him, though Ranma didn't notice any of them actually aflame.  Ranma wondered if Kirche was just going for spectacle than actual combat effectiveness, but the grass around Ranma was blackening, and he admitted the burning ambient heat was getting more dangerous than the actual flame.

All in all, Ranma couldn't call it a fight, at least not like what Louise had claimed it would be.  He kept a clear head despite the chaos, and in his clarity, he saw three things as the spectacle ended.  One, the rushing in of magician teachers through the fleeing crowd of students. Two, Kirche getting annoyed at his continued failure to become ash and chanting up a much larger spell.  And three, Louise leaving her cowering state to chant her own magic at Kirche.

At some point during that observation, Ranma didn't know when, the fight ended.

---

About an hour later, Louise and Kirche, both quite injured, were in Osmond's office under the condemning stares of the large teaching staff and getting a stiff rant from Colbert about how a big gap had been blasted out of the north courtyard, putting a part of the student body into traction, and forcing classes to be canceled.

Louise was hanging her head as she sat on a high and uncomfortable-looking stool, visibly keeping herself from crying.  Kirche, on the other hand, tossed back her long red hair--a gesture that looked less impressive with the black scuff marks all over her face and clothes--and scoffed at all the lecturing Colbert had done.

"Why should I be blamed here?" Kirche said.  "I'm not the one who made the explosion."

Colbert sported a mighty twitch on his face.  "You're the one who started this!  Because neither of you can control yourselves, we're still digging students out of the courtyard.  How you two managed to escape more serious harm is a miracle and an injustice, but surely the Founder protects fools from themselves.  We can't even find Miss Valliere's familiar.  Who knows if he's been blown to dust."

Ranma frowned, and said, "No, I'm doing fine."

Heads whipped around in his direction, and more than one gasp sounded as the crowd of teachers all gawked at him sitting there on a stool he had brought into the room. Ranma looked down at the servant's clothes he had changed back to, then up at all the stares.

His expression grew flat.  "Running with the commoners-are-invisible thing a little far, aren't you?"

"I saw you," Colbert said.

Ranma looked at him.  "No you didn't."

Colbert fell quiet again.

Ranma turned to Louise, who looked almost relieved for a second before covering it up.  He then glanced at Kirche, who didn't hide anything.  "How are you still alive?" Kirche said.  "You were right there, and not even the people far away walked away from that blast."

"I've been in explosions," Ranma said.  "You just gotta learn the right bracing position.  Shield your head and cover your ribs with your knees."  He started to demonstrate, then stopped.  "It's not important.  Where are we on the whole familiar debate?"

"No dice," Kirche said with what Ranma thought was spiteful petulance.  "I still refuse to accept it."

Before Ranma could express his disappointment, Osmond asked, "You were able to manifest some magical power, based on the familiar's bond, were you?"

Ranma was annoyed but not very surprised that Kirche still didn't believe his claim.  At least from looking around, none of the teachers seem to share her doubts, since no commoner could do what Ranma did.  He wasn't sure what to say to Osmond and Colbert though, since they knew he was no true familiar.

Even Louise was watching him for his answer, and in light of her passivity, Ranma thought quickly about which way to go. The questioning would become intrusive soon, and he wasn't about to explain his skills.  The situation needed a spark of diversion.

Being prepared for this sort of thing, Ranma had one ready. "I found I have an instinct," he said, "for what I can do as a familiar.  I don't have the learning to explain them, but I have some weird powers I never had before, that I can somehow use now."

Osmond and the teachers looked between themselves.  "That sounds... plausible for a familiar," someone said.

"Wait just one moment," Colbert said, revving up to the most obvious rebuttal to Ranma's claim.

"But when I was summoned by her," Ranma said, glancing toward Louise, "I felt the link between us was weaker than it should be, from what people I've asked have said.  It even messed up my runes."

Ranma pulled out his left hand, drawing curious gazes at the markings on the back of it.  Colbert was the first to get up close, and the first to shout in confusion.  The runic symbols he had drawn had been replaced--by Ranma when nobody was looking--with something that should be quite unrecognizable to the teachers: the flowing Sanskrit symbols making the word anitya.

A weak joke, Ranma admitted, but it was less sarcastic than stamping "liar" on his hand instead.

As he guessed, Colbert and the other teachers had no knowledge of the script.  Colbert glanced at Osmond, who also had no response.  Kirche looked at Louise, who was stunned silent.

"So I'm a familiar," Ranma said in satisfaction, "but I'm not sure if I'm really contracted yet."

"Yes you certainly are," Louise said as other eyes fell on her.  "You can't just declare in front of everyone that you're not mine!"

She sounded panicky, but her presumption and possessiveness annoyed Ranma.  "It's just how I feel," Ranma said.  "I answered a question, and you don't have to believe it.  The rest I'll leave to people who know what they're doing."

Letting that lazily hidden insult hanging in the air, he went back into silence.  All the teachers begin to mutter about the information Ranma just threw in.  A few of them doubted Ranma's explanation, and Kirche made feeble protestations at the rest.  Ranma watched as Osmond observed the argument for a while, then commanded the teachers to all sleep on the matter while he pondered on his own.

Colbert and the other teachers reluctantly left, as did Kirche.  Ranma, Louise, and Osmond remained in the office.

Osmond looked between Ranma and Louise.  "Now what shall we do about this?"

"Sir Osmond," Louise said.  "Surely you don't believe this insanity.  Can't you force this commoner--?"

"Since I'm in the room," Ranma said, "shouldn't you be dealing with me instead?"

Louise bit back a retort, and looked away.

Osmond coughed.  "I am hesitant to use force, even for a commoner.  This situation is unprecedented, and should be carefully examined."

"I summoned him, so he's mine.  What's so unprecedented about it?"

"That argument would be reasonable otherwise, but here the summoned familiar rejects its summoner.  That alone is beyond expectation, so the reasonable assumptions must also be questioned."

Louise hesitated, and seeing that hesitation, Ranma shrugged and spoke up.  "Maybe I should go find someone else interested in a familiar.  There's gotta be someone who'd make a better choice."

Louise and Osmond started at Ranma for giving that simple suggestion, and Osmond quickly said, "Familiars aren't shared in this fashion."  At the sight of Louise's horror, he added, "Why not give Miss Valliere another chance?  She seems poor at negotiating, but I would be willing to do so on her behalf."

Ranma looked at Osmond, suspecting that the old man had his own reasons involving his own benefit, as adults often did. "If it's bargaining for my service, I want her to do it, since nothing you could say will make me want to stay with this girl.  Didn't that teacher Colbert say she was supposed to treat me as a familiar?  Over the course of the day, she hasn't done a single thing for me, liking being a pleasant companion, supporting me when in trouble, or even giving me food or shelter."

"Fine," Louise said through misty eyes.  "Is that what you want to hear?  I ignored you and treated you badly.  I'm sorry and I'll do better from now on!  What more do you want from me?"

Ranma saw that Louise was getting ready to burst into tears, and it was a tossup whether she was actually that fragile or she was trying to play on his pity.  Whichever it was, her expression was annoying him even more.

"What I want," he said, "is--"

An interesting time, Ranma thought.  For now at least, but he paused before saying it.  While staying with Louise looked less and less appealing the longer he knew the girl, maybe this was a chance to learn new things and exercise his powers under the excuse of being a familiar.

--an education, and social advancement."

The last part was something he threw in for credibility. From what he knew about societies, the lower classes usually wanted to scale the social ladder.  He cared little about that, but it would make more sense to the nobles--and piss them off as a bonus--while letting him see more of this new world.

It would be a little interesting.

"Give me that, and I'll think about being your familiar. But can you offer me those things?"

Quote"I am hesitant to do use force, even for a commoner.

Drop the 'do'.

It is done.

Not gonna have time to read this for awhile, just wanted to say thanks for another chapter. I'll try and post something more helpful when I have time to sit down with it.

Quick notes as I read this.

Quote from: KLSymph on September 27, 2013, 08:03:08 PM
Ranma stood in the courtyard, and returning his stare was a small frog that sat in the grass at his feet.  Curious teens surrounded him at a distance, waiting in quiet anticipation to see how this confrontation would end.

I like the image you've drawn here, but I thought the "returning his stare" part of the first line to be slightly awkward, since it was not established that Ranma is staring in the first place. 

Perhaps a blurb to transition the scene may help.  It would probably mean reworking the explanation from the "During the lunch hour" paragraph though.

Quote
The boy couldn't even maintain that power for a whole second before losing gas completely...

Did you mean that figuratively or literally?  Since "running out of gas" is an idiom but air is in the gas form of matter, it's a bit ambiguous.

Quote
"Well," the redhead said to the boy after a bit of thought, "it's about all I expected from you.  Won't somebody roll him out of here?"

Weren't you having her not use contractions?

Quote
"I am Kirche, the Ardent, of the principality of Anhalt-Zerbst."

Her voice pressed the rising clamour back down to silence. She looked neither scared nor angry, but her forcefulness sounded no less upset than anyone else.  She was, Ranma noticed, the first person here to introduce herself to him.

Ranma waved, and called back across the distance.  "Hello! Nice to meet you!"

Heh.

Quotethe flowing Sanskrit symbols making the word anitya.

A weak joke, Ranma admitted.

Clever, but I don't know if this will work for most readers if you don't explain the joke.

They're reading it on the internet, J_M. >_>

Quote from: thepanda on September 28, 2013, 11:24:39 PM
They're reading it on the internet, J_M. >_>

Assuming you're addressing the last item, that's a fair point.  But in order to take advantage of that, they'd have to stop reading the fic, and google for the word.  IMO, having the reader stop reading in the middle of a story is not the result that a writer ought to aim for.

Quote from: Jason_Miao on September 28, 2013, 10:59:45 PMI like the image you've drawn here, but I thought the "returning his stare" part of the first line to be slightly awkward, since it was not established that Ranma is staring in the first place.

I put that there to simultaneously establish both that he was staring and being stared at. It's more punchy than separating "he was staring at a frog" and "the frog was staring back". Is it very awkward?

QuoteDid you mean that figuratively or literally?  Since "running out of gas" is an idiom but air is in the gas form of matter, it's a bit ambiguous.

Good point. "Losing steam" and "losing energy" will probably not work well either, from this perspective.

*opens thesaurus*

..."wearing out", I guess. Doesn't sound great, but it'll do.

QuoteWeren't you having her not use contractions?

I was having Kirche use fewer contractions, but she doesn't avoid them. Here I think she'd use them. It's not very consistent, but I'm playing it by ear.

QuoteClever, but I don't know if this will work for most readers if you don't explain the joke. ...   But in order to take advantage of that, they'd have to stop reading the fic, and google for the word.  IMO, having the reader stop reading in the middle of a story is not the result that a writer ought to aim for.

The intent behind line is... complicated.  In-character, Ranma is making a personal joke that nobody else present is supposed to read, never mind understand. From the author's perspective, I'm not actually making a joke for the reader to get (although some readers may know the word and get a chuckle out of it, and if so, great). This line is actually to introduce the idea that Ranma knows some foreign-to-the-setting philosophical/religious concepts. I was thinking of playing up an East-vs-West contrast, where the mages are use magic based on Greek philosophical thought and Ranma (who's gotta be different) starts tossing around some Buddhism to confuse them.

If the reader wants to read up on the term, that's fine, but not necessary.

Quote from: KLSymph on September 29, 2013, 11:42:39 AM

Quote from: Jason_Miao on September 28, 2013, 10:59:45 PMI like the image you've drawn here, but I thought the "returning his stare" part of the first line to be slightly awkward, since it was not established that Ranma is staring in the first place.

I put that there to simultaneously establish both that he was staring and being stared at. It's more punchy than separating "he was staring at a frog" and "the frog was staring back". Is it very awkward?

Slightly awkward, not very awkward.

Punchy is good (well, perhaps that's only an opinion, but its an opinion I happen to share).  But perhaps follow with a line that explains to the reader that there's a duel?  Something akin to 'Ranma wondered if this level of excitement happened with most poke...er, familiar[i/] duels' - maybe not that exact wording since that sort of bluntness works better with absurdist writing, but along those lines.

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QuoteDid you mean that figuratively or literally?  Since "running out of gas" is an idiom but air is in the gas form of matter, it's a bit ambiguous.

Good point. "Losing steam" and "losing energy" will probably not work well either, from this perspective.

*opens thesaurus*

..."wearing out", I guess. Doesn't sound great, but it'll do.

Hmm...if you haven't done it before, you could point it out to the reader yourself.  "...before, figuratively and literally, running out of gas."  Directly pointing out a pun is something you don't want to do more than once over the course of the whole fic, if at all, but if you really like the wording, it's an option.

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The intent behind line is... complicated.  In-character, Ranma is making a personal joke that nobody else present is supposed to read, never mind understand. From the author's perspective, I'm not actually making a joke for the reader to get (although some readers may know the word and get a chuckle out of it, and if so, great). This line is actually to introduce the idea that Ranma knows some foreign-to-the-setting philosophical/religious concepts. I was thinking of playing up an East-vs-West contrast, where the mages are use magic based on Greek philosophical thought and Ranma (who's gotta be different) starts tossing around some Buddhism to confuse them.

If the reader wants to read up on the term, that's fine, but not necessary.

My thought was that having Ranma flash a mysterious symbol and describing all of the teachers as being befuddled puts the reader in the same category as those befuddled teachers.    What about a quick half-explanation of the joke?  That's verboten if you're actually trying to make the reader laugh, but if you have other goals, explaining the joke so the reader can laugh along with Ranma at the confusion of the teachers might be okay.

Perhaps 'A weak joke, Ranma admitted.  He wondered how much time the mages would waste trying to reach enlightenment - that might be pretty funny.'  It wouldn't have the disruptive "Wait, what is that symbol anyway?" moment.  You'd also keep the advantage of anyone putting together the concept and the "Ranma=hentai" pun in the original series having the warm and fuzzy feeling of understanding an inside joke.

QuoteBut perhaps follow with a line that explains to the reader that there's a duel?

Wouldn't "see how this confrontation would end" stand in for that?

QuoteDirectly pointing out a pun is something you don't want to do more than once over the course of the whole fic, if at all, but if you really like the wording, it's an option.

I don't like that wording nearly enough to play my "acknowledge the pun" card on it.  Puns are a chthonic evil which must be stopped.

QuoteMy thought was that having Ranma flash a mysterious symbol and describing all of the teachers as being befuddled puts the reader in the same category as those befuddled teachers. What about a quick half-explanation of the joke?

Befuddling the reader is an intended effect, but I'll take the advice on adding some sort of half-explanation. Leaving anitya there by itself is probably too stark.

Quote from: KLSymph on September 30, 2013, 04:36:12 PM

QuoteBut perhaps follow with a line that explains to the reader that there's a duel?

Wouldn't "see how this confrontation would end" stand in for that?

IMO, no, since it's just referring to a suddenly presented and seemingly random confrontation with a frog.  Which is why I'd initially suggested some transitional sentences, but if you like the sudden contrast between this and the previous scene, then that's exactly what you don't want to do.  A fast throwaway line to ground the reader until you get to the more substantive explanation might help.

You've already explained what's going on, in the "During the lunch hour" paragraph, so it's not as if you haven't explained what's happening or that we've even disagreed on whether it needs to be described at all.  It's just a matter of how fast you're willing to let the reader know - I think the "During the lunch hour" bit is a bit far into the scene.

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Puns are a chthonic evil which must be stopped.

But your protagonist is one of Takahashi's characters? :p