Quote
Haruhi blinked, her face paling as she froze. "Er, uh– Well, you see ... you mentioned it to my father, didn't you?" she asked, smiling nervously.
Yuuto frowned and stroked his chin thoughtfully. "Your father?" he asked doubtfully before his eyes widened slightly. "Ah– I didn't realize that your father was my superior at work! I thought it must be a different Suzumiya!"
I'm confused about how and when Haruhi realized that connection. Sure, Kyon mentioned that their parents worked on the same company once, but it'd be quite a leap of logic if she figured it out from just that.
Alternatively, and assuming that I'm not simply forgetting something (at the moment I don't even remember how Yuuto and Haruhi met for the first time, the hospital maybe?), Haruhi could say that her father mentioned at home how someone from work had to leave early one day because his feverish daughter ran off when her mother wasn't looking (I'm not sure if Haruhi's father knows more than that). It's the kind of thing that would come up during table talk and specific enough to be telling.
Quote
"She's at the market; I suspect she'll be back very soon," Yuuto agreed, smiling at his daughter. "On that note, Nono-chan, we're going to need you to distract your mother for a bit. Can you do that?"
"Sure!" Nonoko agreed without hesitation. "I'll ask her for help with my hair, and then tell her about how we time traveled to celebrate Nii-san's birthday with the aunties!"
They probably don't need to keep Akane in the dark about the driving lessons. If I'm not mistaken it was her idea in the first place and I don't think she would oppose to idea of Kyon learning a skill that could be useful to him at "work". Although I can see why Yuuto would want to keep
Nonoko distracted so she won't think of accompanying them. IMO, the less people in the car to make a new driver nervous during practical lessons, the better (I'm kind of surprised that Yuuto didn't object Haruhi's presence though).
Quote
"Well, Haruhi-chan here already figured it out, even though I don't particularly remember explaining it to her father ... heh, small world, isn't it?" The bespectacled man shook his head slowly.
I think this is the first time that it's mentioned that Yuuto wears glasses.
Quote
"Right," Kyon agreed again, nodding, his eyes fixed firmly on the road. They were halfway down the street when Kyon's phone began producing some unfamiliar musical theme. Yuuto couldn't help but think that it sounded militaristic and forbidding, with unfamiliar English lyrics.
I'm curious. What song was that?
Quote
"Got it," Kyon affirmed. "Too bad we don't have a helicopter."
For a moment I pictured Kyon being asked if he can fly such a thing and he answering "Not yet". What can I say? I still watch that movie from time to time.
Quote
"We'll be okay," Kyon grumbled, glaring forward, to where a minivan was just cresting the top of the next steep slope. "Haruhi – you're ready to back me up?"
"As long as she can't see us when it happens," Haruhi affirmed. "That means that if it works out, this will all be up to you!"
Too unsubtle, IMO. Perhaps removing the words "you're ready to back me up"?
Quote
They passed it in a flash, revealing a number of thuggish looking men staring at Kyon anxiously, and a girl that Yuuto didn't recognize, squirming to escape her captors.
"Pro tip" for the yaks: Opaque glasses or no-windows back doors are recommended at the moment of choosing a van for a kidnapping.
Quote
"Are you kidding?" one of the men protested scornfully. "We just got taken down by both of the Kowa Keigo, and the legendary 'demoness'! How many of our brothers can say that?"
How the heck Mori achieved "legendary" status in such a short time (a little more than a month with the Tsuruya-tachi, I think)? The Kowa Keigo's "career" is notorious enough for that but how did she--? On a second thought, I'm probably better off not knowing.
Quote
"Family techniques!" Yuuto said proudly. "As passed to me by my older brother, when he was first delivering tofu on back mountain roads!"
Takumi?
Quote
Yuuto shook his head at the memories, continuing, "Along with my other older brother, who took to computers like I took to cars – but that's a story for another time.
That's probably too obscure of a reference for readers who don't know about
Distant Glimpses. I suggest dropping the name Akira in there to get them wondering, "Nominal Importance" trope and all that.
Quote
Haruhi thought her knees would be shaking far too much to walk properly once Yuuto finished Kyon's rather grueling 'instruction' on 'proper driving.' The man was an absolute demon behind the wheel!
I think it's still funny how Yuuto thinks nothing of his driving skills and how they could make people in the car with him nervous.
Quote
After the festival, Sasaki was escorted again by Fujiwara, and found herself in Tsuruya's home. She'd only been there the one time, to be measured for her uniform by Mikuru -- who was evidently quite an accomplished seamstress. It was different at night, and by the time Sasaki took off the blindfold...
IIRC, Sasaki visited Tsuruya's house for the first time after hers and Haruhi's kidnapping (kbdh55-56).
Quote
Perhaps Mion's house and Tsuruya's house were the same building, and it was all clever props? The time seemed to be the same, though when Sasaki looked around, the only person nearby was the head maid. She looked strangely subdued, looking off to one side with a frown.
"Fujiwara already vanished?" Sasaki asked, with a frown.
Perhaps changing "Sasaki asked, with a frown" to "Sasaki asked, with a frown of her own"?
Quote
"Somehow ... yes," the maid agreed, shaking her head before turning a smile to Sasaki. "Tsuruya-hime and the others are waiting for you inside."
IINM, Shinobu calls her "Tsuruya-chan" but she probably won't do it in front of Sasaki just yet.
Quote
"More uniforms?" Sasaki asked in surprise. "But, you already gave me two! I shouldn't need that many!"
"Time travel," Haruhi said, grinning. "So you think today is ... Wednesday, right? And tomorrow should be Thursday?"
"Ah ... that's right," Sasaki agreed, nodding. "But you want me to think it's time travel?"
If I'm reading this right, that scene is happening on Sunday. If Fujiwara sent past!Sasaki to Hinamizawa from early Monday, then the latter spent/will spend the night before Monday on her own home, which makes me wonder where future!Sasaki (the one with the SOS Brigade right now) will sleep. Tsuruya's house?
Quote
"Do we even have two free seats?" Taniguchi wondered, looking around the classroom.
"Just one," Kunikida confirmed.
Yamane's? Good observation. I completely forgot about that. He was seated close to Yanagimoto, right?
Quote
"Well, if our school is a shounen manga, you're the protagonist, probably," Taniguchi reasoned. "Some rival? Enemy? New fiancee? Or maybe a friend you rescued, who is joining the team as a new ally!"
xD
The "new fiancee" bit makes me think of Ranma.
Quote
"Class, joining us today and for the rest of the year is a new student. This is Tachibana Kyouko. Tachibana?" he prompted.
Good call. Sasaki in Kyon and Haruhi's class would make things difficult for Kunikida and Sakanaka.
Quote
This elicited some excited gasps, and Yanagimoto bit back a growl when Taniguchi shot Kyon a speculative look– For his part, Kyon seemed unsurprised, but also entirely unconcerned.
Taniguchi might be comic relief, but he is just so damn
good at it.
Also, I think a dot would be better than a dash symbol after the word "look".
Quote
Kanae giggled, and Haruhi made a at her face before brightening. "Aha," she chuckled, grinning widely. "Say 'ah', my cute little Kanae-chan!"
"made a at her face" -> "made a face" (?)
Quote
Kanae spotted her chance, and perked up; Haruhi had gotten a few grains from the onigiri on her face. "Aha, Suzumiya-sempai, you've got some rice on your cheek!" she said brightly, leaning forward and carefully plucking them up. She winked at Haruhi before licking them from her fingertips carefully.
Haruhi stared at that, eyes wide and cheeks pink. "T...that...." She immediately scowled and turned to Yuki, who was only just then lowering the phone. "...well done, Kanae-chan," she admitted, blushing more deeply. "Though, I think we should keep that from Kyon–"
Did Kanae just "out-flirt" Haruhi? (Is that even a word?) One can just wonder how a more "daring" and self-assured Kanae would be. Recommendation for the SOS Brigade: Never let her get drunk, not even "on the atmosphere" (I'm currently playing
Persona 4, you see).
IMO, Haruhi congratulating Kanae in the last paragraph was a particularly nice touch.
Quote
"I am keeping the pictures," Yuki added quietly, when the silence dragged on. "They will be uploaded to your private library."
I knew Yuki
had to know about that. I was kind of expecting that Ryouko or perhaps Kuyou would be the one to let that one slip though. BTW, it's kind of amazing how Yuki doesn't come across as... let's say "nosy" even if she is so thoroughly "aware" of her significant other's doings. It's not like someone with her perceptions can really help it though.
Quote
"It's going to be okay!" Haruhi declared. "So, take a deep breath, have a seat, and relax!"
(http://png-5.vector.me/files/images/7/4/743179/hitchhikers_guide_to_the_galaxy_thumb.png)
Quote
"Er, yes," Sasaki allowed, unable to keep from leaning toward Kyon. He caught it and shifted his chair a bit closer, giving her a reassuring smile and a half-hearted shrug, as though to say, 'What can you do?' before he put one arm about her shoulder.
That prompted Kyouko to blink and cock her head slightly to one side, frowning.
Do Kyouko and Koizumi not know about Kyon and Sasaki or I'm reading this wrong?
Quote
"Yuki-chan, too," Kyon offered. "I'm sure Mikuru remembers that, though."
I don't like how Kyon phrased that. He should know how unpleasant that memory is for Mikuru. How about:
Quote
"Yuki-chan too, last December," Kyon offered.
Quote
"Easy!" Tsuruya exclaimed with a chuckle. Pointing at Koizumi, she said, "Esper," before moving her finger to Kanae. "Slider." Mikuru was indicated next. "Time traveler." Haruhi was the next target. "Part-time-magical girl."
Haruhi pouted and blushed at that, muttering, "It's a bit more complicated than that...."
xD
Quote
"I think so," Sasaki managed, feeling a bit distant. "But it strikes me that it would be a very good time to faint right now, if it's not too much trouble."
Sasaki here reminds me Robert De Niro in
Ronin ("If you don't mind, I'm gonna pass out").
I have to say I like the way how the "breaking the masquerade" to Sasaki was handled. No big scare, no unnecessarily dramatical reveal. Just slowly piling up the evidence around her so she would connect the dots on her own and accept the truth when it got too self-evident to ignore.
Also, I makes a lot of sense to me that the main focus of the SOS Brigade was first to subtly reassure Sasaki that everything was going to be alright, which turned any potential freakout into a (very polite) fainting. A huge success in my book.
From an in-universe perspective, I think it was a little underhanded of the main characters to encourage a romantic relationship between Kyon and Sasaki at the same time she was supposed to deal with the reveal of the supernatural. IMO, it was an effective way to nudge Sasaki's subconscious to look beyond her preconceptions and keep an open mind about things, but the cynical part of me can help but notice how granting Sasaki with the opportunity to follow through with her feelings for Kyon would ensure Sasaki's support and loyalty post-reveal. Her powers, however limited as they are now, are a major factor to simply left unchecked.
The thing I'm interested the most right now is what is going to happen next, particularly how someone like Sasaki will adapt to the SOS Brigade (and vice versa) and what was going to be her place within it.
Just like Kanae, I think Sasaki could soon feel that she is not reciprocating all the help she is getting from her friends even if she knows they care that much about her. Probably being assigned with a role and certain responsibilities, a way to contribute with something tangible would appeal to her. I'm currently picturing Sasaki as an aide of sorts to Haruhi or Tsuruya, someone pragmatic and highly competent who helps to make their projects run smoothly. For example, let's say Haruhi wants to make another movie for the cultural festival, Sasaki would be the first to say stuff like "do you have a script?", "we will need permission to film in such location though", "I can probably get better equipment on loan", etc.
On a less serious note, my personal bet is that Sasaki's first direct experience with the supernatural will involve chibis (Rule of Cute is powerful like that). I'm also kind of expecting that her arrival to Kitago will remain largely unnoticed by the student body next to Kyouko's. After all, someone as popular as Koizumi suddenly hooking up with somebody sounds like a juicy piece of gossip considering previous rumors.