Finding Ellese isn't hard. She's at the memorial. She's watching Muirfinn and Lief's images, sitting cross legged on the ground. She looks to be lost in thought, eyes far away as she studies the two lost comrades.
"Mind some company?" Jaela asks, joining Ellese. Has it only been a few days? It really shouldn't feel like an accepted reality, not this quickly.
"Yes...no." Ellese begins then stops. "I'd like some company, even if the voices disagreed." A thin, wan smile graces her face. "In ways I'm not sure I even knew I heard at times. It's like a subtle poison, you don't notice until the damage is done."
"That's why I went looking for you," Jaela admits. "That sort of subtle influence is best dealt with directly, and if you're okay with it we should give it a try. We really should have tried much earlier, but you know better than anyone why it's hard."
"I wouldn't be ready," Ellese admits. She reaches out, fingers going through the images of Muirfinn and Lief. "I had one of my breakthroughs with Muirfinn, you know. He deserves better...the voices whisper about him, sometimes. Mocking me, telling me how he suffers."
"You can make it your drive, you know?" Jaela muses, watching the image disrupted by Ellese's gesture before it resumes projecting before them. "Getting him back. When there's a difficult task ahead, having a clear reason for doing it and keeping at it no matter how long it takes... that helps. It helps a lot. And anything that cuts away at that, like tiny voices that whisper doubt in your ear, they become a very clear enemy to defeat."
That draws out a hollow laugh, Ellese closing her eyes tight. "Tiny voices. If only it were that simple. I can resist them, ignore them now, but they are far from tiny. It is already my drive, since the alternative is to submit. To join in with those who do the unspeakable to our friends. To become another cog who takes cold comfort by being part of something horrifyingly greater than a single person."
"Maybe it is that simple? If it's foreign influence that gets through despite our magical protections, we'll route them out one by one. If it's your own personality, your fears, doubts and weaknesses fighting against you, we can attack them and seek to defeat them in detail." Jaela shrugs. "Not that you need to abandon your current methods, since they're getting you ahead. But we could supplement them, too. My first idea was to ask the Triune for a lead on this, if you were willing."
Ellese quickly turns to Jaela and says, "Yes," with a smile rapidly growing on her face. "Before...before I wasn't ready. I wasn't prepared or strong enough. Now I feel I am."
Evil is evil, whether mystically imprinted on an object or a person. They keep on treating the cases differently and usually it makes sense, but Jaela can't help but wonder whether the same mechanism that relies on a deity's power and the person's strength to purify and exorcise evil couldn't be applied to many of Ellese's problems as well.
"Let's make a stop at the temple to the Triune, then?" she offers. "If we meditate on our next move while focused on the same goal, I'm sure a way ahead will be revealed. Besides, that sort of meditation helped me throw off Abigor's residual influence, so I know how to guide you through it."
"Let us," Ellese says, as the two relocate there.
The Temple of the Triune is quiet right now. Priest is out - probably with Kascha, Jaela knows - and only a few people are here. Notably, Mei is, in silent meditation before the altar.
It's really hard for her to let go and give others a chance to mother Kascha, but Jaela forces her mind off that thought. "Hey, Mei," she greets her upon approach, quietly enough not to disturb the meditations if they're deep enough.
Ellese she instructs to get comfortable, saying, "I meditated on what makes me, me. What I stand for, what I think best fits my definition of Jaela. It really helped put all that didn't fit in stark contrast to the core of what defines me." She gestures at the altar with a smile, adding, "While you do that, I'll be seeking the Triune's guidance. Even though powerful cleansing magic exists, our own actions and experiences can be a pretty powerful component."
Mei looks up and smiles at Jaela. Meanwhile, Ellese follows and murmurs agreement, before closing her eyes and going to try and meditate. As Ellese slips into that, Mei comes up from behind Jaela. She wraps her arms around her, a light hug.
"Friendly!" Jaela reaches up to pat Mei's hand. "So this might sound strange, but have you ever visited Balmuria?"
Mei slowly shakes her head. She then looks to Ellese, putting a finger over her own lips.
"Ah, that's actually alright, I think. Compared to what Ellese usually hears my randomness might be relaxing?" Jaela muses, tilting her head. "Still, if you think so...."
She trails off, following the thought she originally had. There's something important about that city on an otherwise unassuming Prime. Not just in the support to the Crusade they'd received, or the way it seems to produce powerful people. She doesn't like to use terms like destiny, but given their recent excursion to Elysium maybe it fits here. In that case, wouldn't it be suitable for their task? If that city could forge goddesses, perhaps an old-fashioned pilgrimage could help Ellese reimagine herself?
And it might be something Jaela herself could use, when it comes to that. But the important thing is whether the Triune thinks it a good idea, or guides their efforts elsewhere.
Are you just praying or are you casting a divination here?
Half-prayer, half-meditation. If the Triune thinks the idea has merit, maybe she'll suggest what needs to be done. If not, a better idea might appear.
Make a Wisdom check.
7:23 PM <Rin> roll 1d20+9
7:23 PM <Kobot> Rin rolled 1d20+9 --> [ 1d20=16 ]{25}
> roll 1d20+4 Mei aiding
<Kobot> Kotono rolled 1d20+4 Mei aiding --> [ 1d20=11 ]{15}
Normally not a check you can aid on, but circumstances.
Jaela drifts into prayer and meditation, the line between them blurry. She's warm from Mei's hug, drifting into deeper thought. How long she's under she doesn't know, just drifting along in a state of half awareness. It turns into a dream, of a few small people facing a massive, lumbering beast of shadow. It thrashes about, a grotesque thing that the small warriors constantly battle. They don't ever stop, slowly whittling away at it and pressing it back, cracks forming over its body -
Jaela slowly rises from that vision. She's resting against Mei, her arms wrapped around Jaela. Her eyes are closed as well. Ellese is in a similar state, and on a glance you'd imagine she might be deep in meditation or trancing. If she still does, with the state she's in who knows?
Her very first thought upon returning to the waking world is that the vision might be a suggestion, but a few moments later Jaela shakes it away with the last true remnants of dream. It surely shows Ellese's problems. Everyone's problems, really, except for a few saints, she supposes. Does it really matter if you see them as a myriad of tiny voices or one large amorphous whole? The important thing is to work at it, and keep going.
But then Jaela tilts her head in thought. "Did you have the same vision?" she asks Mei quietly. "Shadow beast, several people whittling it down to nothing?" She waits for a response, before adding, "Do you think we should stick with pure meditation over my idea to go off to Balmuria?"
Mei slowly nods and then looks to Ellese, wavering her hand.
Jaela nods slightly. "Let's wait for Ellese to return as well," she agrees with the sentiment, remaining there in a quiet show of support.
Mei stays like that, comfortable as the two wait. Ellese stirs slowly after about a half hour, "Mm." she murmurs, wiping her eyes clear. "Jaela?" she looks over and sees the two, "...ah. That was not entirely unpleasant."
"Hey, welcome back!" Jaela greets her cheerfully. "The most important thing here is not to have expectations. I remember it went really well for me when I meditated, and it felt like I was on the cusp of a breakthrough, but then I got stalled for almost a week and head constant headaches. But so long as we keep at it, we'll make it work."
"I think so." Ellese says, "I do feel a little better now."
"Glad to hear it!" No time like the present, and so she says, "I'll be there for you whenever you need to, and Priest and Mei are good for it. Same with my family. I got the impression it's best to meditate when someone is with you, and maybe a more than just one person. That said, want to take a field trip to a Prime? I thought it could make a nice pilgrimage for us for a couple days."
"Do we have time before the assault on Lixer?" Ellese asks quietly, "I want to take part in that."
"I think we do, but we can wait for after to be on the safe side," Jaela readily agrees. "And on the plus side, we could focus some more on meditation if you want to. You'd know best if you're getting exhausted and want a break."
"For now I am," she says, "I'll see you after we punish Lixer."
That works, Jaela muses. And then, probably influenced by Mei, she gives Ellese a hug.
The hug's returned with a murmured, "Thank you."
You said you wanted to deal with that Hanna book?
Yeah. I'll bring it over as a gift.
You find Hanna in the infirmary. It's quiet here, no one else around. She's sitting by an empty bedside, stained with golden blood. Her gaze is on it, head slightly bowed, as if she is lost in thought.
"Jaela," she murmurs.
"You know what?" Jaela says, after staring at the blood-stained bed for a few moments. "We don't want to be here. Come on, let's go to the hot springs."
"I know." Hanna says slowly, getting up. "It's out of my hands now. Having faith is easy, but I still worry for that poor girl."
Jaela snorts. "If anyone's allowed to whine about it it's me. Not only did I fail at the critical moment again and had to have the girl we were all protecting step in and take the hit for me, but I couldn't even help out with the burning thing." She jerks her head in the direction of the door. "Let's get going, have a change of pace. Plus! Got you a gift and everything."
Hanna follows to the portals. As you go through and towards the baths, "You did fine," she says, "There's no shame in this, she chose to take the chance knowing full well it was dangerous."
"Eh, I should've done better. I even practiced with the light ahead of time, but at the most important time when I needed it, it just wouldn't come." Jaela rolls her eye, lacing her hands behind her head. "And if I were whining for real, I'd go on about how it's the story of my life. Instead, I'm going to soak and relax." Glancing sideways at Hanna, she suddenly asks, "Is it just me or do women keep on hitting on me? It's never happened before we found Aurora, you know. Is it that thing, where if you're with someone it just raises your appeal with women astronomically? Because I thought that only worked for guys."
Hanna laughs at that, "No, it's usually the fact that some women get jealous or want the attention." As you enter into the changing rooms, Hanna goes to a chest to store her things. "So who was it this time?" She opens the chest and freezes, 27 balled up in there. He meets Hanna's gaze and says, "Love?"
Jaela just picks a different chest as if nothing was wrong. "Forget I said anything, at least I don't have to deal with frogs that wear their heart on their sleeves."
SLAM!
Hanna slams the chest shut, picks it up and marches right out. She returns promptly, going to a different chest. She pauses to exhale massively, "Love? Hardly. More like a strange obsession. Anyway, what happened this time?"
"No, seriously, this whole 27 thing is way more interesting. And since you keep on letting him do that people talk, you know. And then there's this." A twist of her wrist summons the Hanna book to Jaela's hand, and she tosses it over to her mother.
Hanna starts to say something as she catches the book, but she takes one look at the title and sighs. Her eyes close and she silently mouths, "10, 9, 8..." and so on until she reaches 1. "I don't let him do anything. The damn slaad just shows up no matter what I do. Ithea can't keep him in line, either. He's some stupid prophet slaad and apparently that package comes with powers to harass me. Sometimes I think I've gotten an answer out of him, but then he picks it back up."
"But onto lighter news. Who hit on you," Hanna retorts, tucking the book under her arm.
"Hey! That book is filled with revelations about Hanna! I got a much better understanding of you-- why I bet I could quote from it by heart. That takes effort and dedication! And yes, maybe a creepy stalker crush. Want to help me ward your things from him?"
"It's no use," Hanna says, "He just finds ways around them. I have the patience of the Heavens and I know this will pass. No matter how it brings out my worst. Besides, competing with a slaad isn't worth it."
"What if one day he does that spell that lets him have his own Hanna? Like a copy Hanna or a snow clone Hanna?"
Hanna pauses in the middle of disrobing, a twitch making her stop. "Jaela, never mention that idea again. Ever." She turns, her full glare on her daughter. Then she smiles, "Anyway, so tell me about your day."
"Read this neat book," Jaela says with a grin. "Then wasted some time with Adrian, and took Ellese to meditate for a while together. Well, not together together, Mei was there too."
Once finished, Hanna goes to the baths. She sinks in up to her neck, no one else in here. "Mmmm." She murmurs appreciatively before she replies, "I can't imagine Ellese making a move on you so, so...?"
Jaela uses the chance to be silly and launch herself in the water! She dives below and swims to her heart's content before surfacing at last, now content to just float lazily. "Yeah, probably," she agrees with Hanna. "Though who knows?" Blinking, she says, "Candy knows, I suppose. And probably Elena. Hey, Elena, want to join us in a nice soak?"
Elena's voice is heard, "Sorry, I'm busy with Sage Vul'lath right now." She appears for a few moments, waves, and vanishes.
"Canderella might know," Hanna admits quietly, "So it was probably crossed wires, or it's someone so embarrassing you don't want to confess it."
This one will go a little longer due to the fact that Jaela and Hanna actually having a conversation is years due.
"Nah, I'm not that easily embarrassed," Jaela responds with a grin. "So Mirajane's been asking about going with you on some quest. I think it'd be nice if you two found the time for one. So long as it's as safe as can be for us."
"So who else...?" Hanna considers, resting back and closing her eyes. "Oh, of course. Mei. She'd be in the temple and that's where you'd meditate. Anyway, I'll talk to her and take her out - or be with her if she participates in the coming assault."
"I think I'd want to be with Mirajane then, but after? Sure. And after, maybe we could all go meet my brother already? I did promise Candy to introduce them, you know, and I stand by my words!"
"Maybe we could," Hanna says, then smiles a little bit. "Hmmm, maybe Canderella and I can..." she muses to herself.
"Can what, go and invite him over without me?" Jaela asks with another grin. "You could, if you wanted to ignore my very subtle attempts to have us spend more time together out of combat."
"Subtle like an axe to the face," Hanna waves a hand, water splashing in her wake. "Besides, I'd much rather go with you than her."
Jaela outright laughs at that. "Yeah, figures you'd know all about that. Do you have any hobbies outside waving that crazy thing about? Maybe we could even share them, I don't know. I took up painting recently, and hey, that book about you? If that's what it takes to get published, I bet I could. Oh, the things I could write about!"
"Prying into the lives my children," Hanna says cheerfully, then chuckles. "Sleeping's one. Queen Morwel rules over dreams, so though her subjects don't need to sleep, we often do so that we can dream."
"Does that mean you stalk our dreams sometimes?" Jaela asks curiously. "But yeah, I was talking about some hobbies we could share. And we could go to sleep at the same time, I guess, but it's not really the same thing. This is where you throw me a bone, really."
"You can actually share dreams, there's spells and techniques for it. I've never studied to be a serious oneiromancer, but I do know the spells to do it. Almost everyone in the court does." Hanna glances over, "It takes a lot of trust, since you don't really control the dreams. They can be dreams. Random, silly, scary, incoherent. To address the standing issue, even wet dreams, though they're rare."
"How horrifying," Jaela mutters. "I'm fine with finding the time for you to try that as long as you guarantee the latter absolutely won't happen."
"That's the thing - it's a matter of debate in the court. One side thinks that influencing dreams at all maims the fundamentally random nature of them, while another side disagrees." She shrugs here, "So the magic to control them isn't so well known, and usually the domain of a dedicated oneiromancer. So I haven't brought it up to you before. I think we can both live without anything like that happening."
Hanna opens her eyes, face red from the hot water. "I cook sometimes, usually when I'm in a relationship with a mortal. I'm badly out of practice at it, but it could be fun to get back into practice."
"I know my strengths, cooking isn't one of them," Jaela says with a snort. "I never realized how much I focused on fighting until I looked back one day and... yeah. But I could dream. I think we should give it a try. Kinda like having our own adventure without ever leaving Aurora."
"I'm the same way," Hanna looks to Jaela and smiles, a proud look to her. "I'm a warrior and it's the same with you. I should have taken you with me to the Court. You'd have thrived growing up with the champions."
Jaela feels very conflicted at hearing that, but the smile and look of pride win out for her. She gives a grin of her own back. "Glad to hear you approve. And I only had to become one of the best fighters across the planes for that, too!"
"You've grown up well, despite it all. At the end, that's enough for me." Hanna matches that smile, holding her hand out to Jaela. "Even if your taste in lovers is questionable."
Jaela rolls her eyes, accepting it. "It's not like I plan it, that just happens. You of all people should get that!"
"You should settle down with someone nice. Like Priest or Mei," Hanna smirks, "Or even Mirima. How's she doing, by the way?"
"I saw her when we got back but we just didn't have much time," Jaela admits with regret. "I kept worrying about unrelated things and I kept thinking about Ellese-- you know, it really surprised me so many people wanted magical help to stop being afraid, what with them not being combatants or leaving Aurora. But then it just clicked for me and I figured I had to try and do something. All in all, not the best mood for a date so we took a raincheck for after Lixer."
"Time slips away from you, until you realize you don't have any more." Hanna's expression becomes wistful, "I've said that at more than one eulogy. Not to be morbid, but don't put it off past that. In this business, life can be stolen away in an instant." She then stands up, "But enough of that. Let's go rather than stewing anymore."
"Yeah, I get it. But I don't intend to second-guess myself, either," Jaela says, following Hanna. "Anyway, there was this other thing I wanted to ask you about. So the Triune might turn me into a proper angel some time but how would this work if you're not dead?"
"Well..." Hanna begins, as the two walk on out.
Okay, that's good there. Locking, new threads up Sunday or Monday since I'm taking a few days off.