Hello there, squishy humans. This is the voice of Jack's Omnipresent Cold/Flu. I'm using my most recent host to allow you to prepare your weak bodies for my imminent invasion.
You may notice me coming when you catch a sudden chill, or start running a temparature. At this point, my elite military forces have already invaded strategic points of your immune system -- no resistance is possible.
From there, you'll enjoy my opressive regime, as I re-order all white blood cells to work in the phlegm mines, producing our most bountiful and precious resource. Then, we'll start the strep-mining (I slay me!) of your throat. You may notice severe pain, nausea, diziness, and potentially death at this stage. Don't seek medical advice; we've secured a MAD-pact with most men of medicine, and those who exist ourside of the bounds of our contract are madmen. They are not to be trusted.
Come on, would I lie to you? Of course not! I want your systems to be in good condition when I take over, so here's a few pointers to make yourselves ready for our inevitable takeover:
1.) Do not drink beverages which contain high amounts of vitamin C.
2.) Do not keep yourself properly hydrated.
3.) Do not attempt to treat any symptoms whatsoever, and above all:
4.) If you have a friend who is sick/contageous, attend them at all times.
Remember, folks, Germocracy is the way of the future!
*plots an overthrow*
PHAGE~!
(Sorry, couldn't resist)
Quote from: JasonPHAGE~!
I'm going to petition the government to invest money in a device that will allow me to smack other people over the internet.