Here's the list of calamities and godsends. Feel free to replace or add to any of these; just post them up here and in a day or two I'll recompile the file to send back to Onigiri.
Calamity: was bitten by drdink
Calamity: fell into a hole
Calamity: bit their tongue
Calamity: set themself on fire
Calamity: ate a poisonous fruit
Calamity: lost their mind
Calamity: died, temporarily..
Calamity: was caught in a terrible snowstorm
Calamity: EXPLODED, somewhat..
Calamity: got knifed in a dark alley
Calamity: saw an episode of Ally McBeal
Calamity: got turned INSIDE OUT, practically
Calamity: ate a very disagreeable fruit, getting a terrible case of heartburn
Calamity: met up with a mob hitman for not paying his bills
Calamity: has fallen ill with the black plague
Calamity: was struck by lightning
Calamity: was attacked by a rabid cow
Calamity: was attacked by a rabid wolverine
Calamity: was set on fire
Calamity: was decapitated, temporarily..
Calamity: was tipped by a cow
Calamity: was bucked from a horse
Calamity: was bitten by a møøse
Calamity: was sat on by a giant
Calamity: ate a plate of discounted, day-old sushi
Calamity: got harassed by peer
Calamity: got lost in the woods
Calamity: misplaced his map
Calamity: broke his compass
Calamity: lost his glasses
Calamity: walked face-first into a tree
Godsend: found a pair of Nikes
Godsend: caught a unicorn
Godsend: discovered a secret, underground passage
Godsend: was taught to run quickly by a secret tribe of pygmies that know how to, among other things, run quickly
Godsend: discovered caffeinated coffee
Godsend: grew an extra leg
Godsend: was visited by a very pretty nymph
Godsend: found kitten
Godsend: learned Perl
Godsend: found an exploit in the IRPG code
Godsend: tamed a wild horse
Godsend: found a one-time-use spell of quickness
Godsend: bought a faster computer
Godsend: bribed the local IRPG administrator
Godsend: stopped using dial-up
Godsend: invented the wheel
Godsend: gained a sixth sense
Godsend: got a kiss from drwiii
Godsend: had his clothes laundered by a passing fairy
Godsend: was rejuvenated by drinking from a magic stream
Godsend: was bitten by a radioactive spider
Godsend: hit it off with a drunk sorority chick named Jenny
Godsend: was accepted into Pi Beta Phi
Here's a few suggestions:
Calamities:
- got lost in ff.net
- fell into the Pit of Yaoi
- distracted by an attractive aqua-transexual
- stopped to beat on Kwok
- wasted time downloading h-manga
- met up with a killer rabbit
- had an unfortunate encounter with a large wooden badger
Godsends:
- Assassinated the front-runner
- Sacrificed to the peer-gods
- Killed a kitten
- Grew a "third leg"
- Learned the true power of perversion from Happosai
Calamities:
Met Fox.
Dracos
Calamity: lost control of the FLAPERONS!
-Dan
Calamity: Put fork in toaster
Calamity: Richard Simmons visits
Calamity: Spleen malfunction
Calamity: Lost sock in dryer
Godsend: Discovered beer
Godsend: Cookies!
Hmm...well, as long as suggestions are being made, I might as well suggest two:
Godsend - Went to an anime convention. Got free loot.
Calamity - Went to an anime convention. Got a restraining order.
Thought of these on the flight back, yesterday.
C ate a poisonous fruit -> C read a Skysaber fic
C saw an episode of AllyMcBeal -> C saw an episode of Airmaster
C met up with a mob hitman for not paying his bills -> C met up with Cy after hitting on IYChan
C has fallen ill with the black plague-> C has fallen ill after reading Artemis's Lover
C was attacked by a rabid wolverine -> C was attacked by a rabid plushie
C was set on fire (+ by Bjorn)
C was sat on by a giant -> C was forced to C&C a Kaydee fic
C got harassed by peer -> C got harassed by Casiopea's curse
G was visited by a very pretty nymph -> G was visited by a very pretty (Any volunteers? I was going to name a name, but figured that I don't want to be smacked by said person every time I go into the chan)
G found kitten -> found Tabyk
G learned Perl -> G learned Unlambda
G tamed a wild horse -> G tamed R.7
G bought a PS2 -> G linked everyone's consoles into a beowulf cluster
G bribed the local IRPG administrator -> G bribed Onigiri with a riceball
G stopped using dial up -> G stopped using the Java Client
G was bitten by a radioactive spider -> G was bitten by a radioactive Yutharin
G was acceped into Pi Beta Phi -> G was accepted into #soulriders
QUESTS:
[explore and chart] T'rnalvph -> fanfic.net
[locate the ancient writings] Ahmo -> DFR, prophet of the blind god Io -> NULL , Time as Deity -> A Tale of 10 Yen
[slay the great] Dokt'r Wiii -> Kaori (If most people don't remember Kaori, switch with Gubby)
[return the stolen relics] relics -> characters, Iao-Sabao -> Shade, to the city of Velvragh -> NULL, the religious riot -> Ornstead's whining
[hunt down] mountain wolves -> AOLers lacking grammatical knowledge, slaying the regions' cows -> annoying the channel members
[setup a trade route] Qwok -> Kwok, Cuincey-Love Vikk'l -> Gamelon Leader DeSloc
[kill the resurrected] Jow Botzian -> NULL, zombies-> zombie processes, young wizard's wayward spell -> an incorrectly implemented program demonstrating concurrency.