[Haruhi] K:BDH chapter 63

[Brian]

This took much longer than it should have. >_>;

[Yuthirin]

I really need to catch up on this.

[Onyxlamb]

Near the beginning, with Yuki:

Spoiler: ShowHide

". . . without and of the difficulties of needing to choose it herself."

'and' -> 'any'

Shortly after, with Sasaki and Kyouko:

Spoiler: ShowHide

'Perfectly matching' is used twice as a description in the same paragraph. Not incorrect, just a little clunky - the first could be omitted without losing clarity.

Towards the end:

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Showing Sasaki the augmented reality for the first time, ". . . without and of the difficulties of needing to choose it herself."

'and' -> 'any'

Just below that:

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"Haruhi at the brightly colored and probably needlessly long strip of cloth."

Missing a verb here.

General plot question:

Spoiler: ShowHide

What would happen if, theoretically, the slider beacon was anchored to Sasaki?

Overall though, I'm really happy with it. :) Nice to see a bit more of the group dynamic.

[Specular]

I'm posting this a lot later than I intended to. This time I noticed the draft early enough, but I didn't get the chance to write all this down until know. I hope the following won't come across as ranting.

It's a clean draft as far as I could tell and the few typos/omissions I found are listed in the above post.

Spoiler: ShowHide

Overall: There are a lot of instances of ellipses with a space at both sides (" ... "), which isn't consistent with the previous chapters where the norm is to omit the space at the left ("... "). It also caught my attention to see en-dashes ("–") instead of double dashes ("--") as usual.

"Now," she said briskly, once Sasaki had reluctantly climbed up from Kyon's lap, settling for sitting nearby and sipping at her tea

OCD-level nitpick: the tea in the cup must be cold by then if it was poured before the moment Sasaki fainted.

As Sasaki and Kyouko weren't officially part of Tsuruya's organization, the pair of them had more standard outfits of perfectly matching mini-skirt, blouse, and vest-- Perfectly matching the outfit that Mori wore, Yuki noted, as they entered the lobby of Tsuruya towers, and spotted her there, raising an eyebrow at the group.

Is that outfit a reference to something? At first I thought of it as just a variant of the "office lady" look, but now I have my doubts.

"There's one for you, too, Yuki-chan," she added, producing a second pin.

I don't remember Mori calling Yuki by her given name before. I'm not sure if it's appropriate here.

Yuki blinked, watching Kyon adjust the ornament before turning to regard her own outfit, then holding the jewelry box that Mori had given her out to him expectantly. He blinked in confusion before understanding lit in his eyes, and he gave her that warm, reassuring smile that caused her heart rate to fluctuate (though within safe parameters), and the capillaries in her own face to expand.

Wow. That was adorable.

"Alright, Yuki-chan," he said kindly, opening the box and tucking it into one sleeve, out of sight before carefully placing it on her kimono, slightly below her collar bone, and above her heart. "There."

nitpick: "placing it on" -> "placing the pin on"

"Um," Mori said with a cough. "Incidentally, Kyon-kun, do you have sufficient... protective gear left, considering your situation?"

Now that is a brick joke! Have been what, like fifty chapters and half a million of words between the set-up and the punchline? I'm awed.

"Ah, too fast!" Sasaki gasped, eyes widening. "Er-- I mean, if you are, then I, um, clearly should, shouldn't I? Er, but that's--"

That's something I didn't consider before. More on that at the end of this post.

"There is no rule against showering together," Yuki observed quietly.

Yuki's impeccable logic is impeccable. xD

After finishing her current mouthful, Yuki blinked and explained, "We have since devised a system of engrams and spatial coordinates that can be interpreted to correlate to any existing point within conventional space, with a spacial buffer to describe non-conventional spacial coordinates, such as 'closed space.'"

Wait a minute, engrams? Did Yuki rewire Kanae's brain or something? I think I need to read a little more about the subject before commenting, though.

We can't change it without hurting her, either. But... could we maybe – without hurting her – make it look like it came from somewhere else? Maybe... inside the sun or something?"\

Extraneous backslash symbol at the end of the sentence.

"I'm glad," she said with a faintly nervous giggle. "And.... Somehow, Sasaki really is happy. I can't pretend to understand it; I'm, um, too selfish to imagine... doing something like that myself. But I know she's sincere about it, as strange as it is." She blinked as she realized what she said, and hastily corrected herself, "Er, I mean -- if you-- If you insist, then, uh, I'd be willing to try, but--"

This makes wonder what Miyoko would say if she hears that...

At one point, I wondered if he were torn between Suzumiya-san and Asahina,

I can't decide whether the honorific is indeed missing or not as in that way the wording works to emphasize how much more of a priority Haruhi was for Koizumi in comparison to Mikuru.

She smiled and bowed her head again. "I'm... luckier than Sasaki-san," she said quietly. "I don't have to share, at least so far, and I happened to find a really handsome guy who truly understands me.

I would remove words "at least so far". It makes Kyouko sound like she's channeling Sasaki's feelings a little too much.

"Yes!" Sasaki agreed, hugging Kuyou's small form to her tightly. "I can't say I completely understand this, but clearly I accept it -- and I never would have expected Kuyou-chan to be so adorable!"

Everyone should bow before the adorable-ness of Kuu-nyan!

"Okay -- while we're on the subject, Yuki-chan, I'd like to make this more useful for Kyon," Haruhi declared. "Um... indestructible, and something that would never get in the way. It can't be a choking hazard, or anything like that!"

Great! My trope-senses can just smell a "Scarf of Asskicking" in the making.

"The only girl's costume I've seen Sempai wear is a Trope-tan costume!" Kanae interjected helpfully.

I don't remember that. I do recall Kanae dressed as Trope-tan, but that's it.







Kyon's "Echoing" the signal that the Combine uses to track down Kanae makes me wonder what would happen if there are more than one Kyon around via time travel. Would they target to one of his time-divergent versions randomly, they would detect all of them and then have to pick one, the one closer/farther to Kanae would be the only one they see (given that the efficiency of the Echo seems to be a function of the distance) or they would be unable target anything at all?

It reminds me a little of that discussion in the movie Primer where one of the time-traveling main characters discovered that his cell phone picked up a call that his past self didn't and suggested that the network simply looked for the first phone it could find and then stop looking (AFAIK, it depends on the cell phone network. In others cases, both phones ring).



I tried to put some amount of thought into how the main characters' relationship would work if sex is added to the equation and I noticed a relevant underlying factor that slipped out of my mind, namely, this is the first serious, committed romantic relationship for all of them. This may be a plus considering that preconceptions don't play such a big role here as they would otherwise, but now six teenagers and two extraterrestrial entities that chose to live as such must deal with all the issues that first-time couples go through, just compounded to the power of n.

For example, I'd say that waiting until both partners are ready is the right thing to do for any Kyon/girl pairing. But all seven of these are taking place simultaneously and this is bound to happen sooner for certain pairings than others (waiting too much is another issue in its own). Case in point: I currently consider that Kyon and Tsuruya have the best chemistry together and left on their own (and especially after the engagement) they probably would have crossed that line already, however it's a critical matter for her how such development would affect Haruhi in particular.

In turn, Haruhi is a complex case where frail and strong personality traits are too intermixed. As it happens in canon, Kyon is a catalysis that brings out her best points, but he also strengthens her insecurities to the point they can overwhelm her. There is also the fact that Kyon seems to buy a little too much into the confident persona that Haruhi projects, missing the calls for attention that she can't make more obvious because her pride won't allow to make herself look "needy". Taking into account their intrinsic trust in each other, I dare to say that it would be for the best if Kyon steps out of his comfort zone, takes the initiative and pursues her more aggressively and unambiguously. However this may be a problem for Kanae, Mikuru and Sasaki.

Kanae's admiration for Haruhi is only second to her borderline worship of Kyon, Mikuru long ago internalized that Haruhi's relationship with Kyon takes precedence over hers and Sasaki feels that she owes Haruhi too much. Because of this, I theorize that if Kyon abandons his somewhat passive romantic stance with Haruhi for this reason, the three of them could try to understate their own needs to them (even to themselves) so to not become an obstacle to Kyon and Haruhi's intimacy.

Yuki is special in that much of these considerations don't apply to her. Or better said, not in the same way. If I'm allowed to digress, I'll say I think Yuki loves Kyon deeply and her excessively pragmatical mindset expresses her feelings in the most rational and self-disparaging way possible: her imperative to be useful to him. This is tightly connected to one of her biggest fears, namely losing him, either because he could discard her (yeah, right) or because she fails to protect him. To Yuki, it doesn't matter how many other girls are in his life or how much she has to wait to get some time with him (there is always the pocket dimension though) as long as she is reassured she holds sufficient value to him.
If this (admittedly sad) standpoint applies, then I think Yuki will think of sex as another means to achieve reassurance. This doesn't sound too bad until one consider all I said as a whole, even if not so much for her but potentially for Kyon. I mean, personally, I would be very much out of my depth in Kyon's place with Yuki as a lover and I can easily picture him wondering how much of that is her own wish and how much is what she thinks he wants. Or considering how smart he knows she is, he could wonder she already knew he'd wonder that and now he's asking himself whether her interest is genuine or if she's just displaying the right amount of interest he expect her to have. Or <insert nested argument and repeat ad nauseam>. In other words, under this interpretation I don't really see Yuki saying "no" to Kyon about anything (unless that's what she thinks he wants to hear, etc. etc.) and such a willing partner is a helluva lot confusing in so many levels to anyone other than a massive pervert. And all that is before considering what the other girls would think to that.

With Kuyou, I don't have a clue. Seriously. So far it seems that to her, being attracted to Kyon is as natural as for gravity to attract matter (heh). Her keen interest in the memetics associated to kissing and her first-hand experiences suggest that she would want to imitate whatever the other girls are doing but beyond that, I can't make a guess. I just hope a few stars won't go nova (literally) in the process.



Next point to comment: Sasaki's mother.

I think it's very interesting what are you doing with her character. It's very unusual for me to react this strongly to a character with so little "screen time". I deeply disagree with her opinions, but I didn't dislike her for them. I think her teachings are mostly a liability for Sasaki, but I can't blame her for trying to pass them on. Sasaki's mother is jaded and bitter woman but she makes complete and utter sense and I'm already wondering how Kyon could win her over for real. I commend you managing that in just a few paragraphs.

Just one request: she needs to be named. Preferably in this chapter.

Something that caught my attention: Sasaki's mother is the second character, after Akane, who easily could come across as unsympathetic to most people and she's also a mother to a main character. Luckily we readers got her motivations from the start this time but I think you should be careful of making it a trend of this. I mean, it would be sad if Hinamizawa has the monopoly on cool and understanding mothers.



I'm not sure if I understood the politics involved with the meeting with the Sumiyoshi-rengo and particularly why Tsuruya and Kyon's attendance wasn't something obvious from the start as she's the one who arranged the whole thing in the first place and why the SOS Brigade had to play along as simple "guests" for the occasion. It's like the Yamaguchi-gumi chose to pretend that it was the Sumiyoshi-rengo who requested the meeting on their own so the former could flaunt the political upper hand in the negotiations or both parties chose to keep quiet about Tsuruya's actions for a different reason.

Did I get something right?



A persistent topic in this chapter, starting with the epigraph itself, is Haruhi's growing frustration and discontent. A similar situation happened before (culminating with her fight with Tsuruya and then Kyon visiting safe-mode!Haruhi) but this time I'm having troubles figuring out where this is going and why. At first sight, it looks like Haruhi is just reacting poorly to the lack of attention from Kyon, attention that he hasn't noticed she wants, but plot-wise it looks like a set-up for something else (especially with the text message Kyon received and "Kyon's uncle" presence in town).

So yeah, would be you so kind to give me a hint of the purpose of this development? I just don't want to keep pondering about it until the next chapter. PM me if it's too spoiler-ish.

[Phantom Kirin]

Greeting, all. It's been a while since I posted about anything, really. Anyways, here we go... (note that I may respond to anyone else's post in the process of doing this, I do hope that that's okay...)

Spoiler: ShowHide

"Er," Sasaki managed, making no move to release Kuyou. "I think, on some level, I'm still processing this. But certainly ... this is an unusual think I can accept without reservation! How ... does this lead to me controlling my powers, though?"

Think? Um, I don't recall that word ever being used that way. Don't know how you can correct that, I'll let you figure that one.

"Yes!" Sasaki agreed, hugging Kuyou's small form to her tightly. "I can't say I completely understand this, but clearly I accept it -- and I never would have expected Kuyou-chan to be so adorable!"

I knew it! I actually called it, that Sasaki would be swayed by the power of cuteness, and I was right! Mwahahahahahahahaha!!!

...ahem.

Everyone should bow before the adorable-ness of Kuu-nyan!

Indeed, Specular. Cuteness is a formidable force in K:BDH. And is employed by many characters...

Hm...

And that's all I got for now. Sorry that I'm bad at this.

[Anonymouse]

Hi! Random Lurker here.

Spoiler: ShowHide

In Yuki's narration (second section), she refers to Kyon as "Kyon", which is something she Does Not Do (unless that changed without me noticing).

Yuki gave the tinniest shake of her head

tinniest -> tiniest


Random comments:

It's fun to see the normally unflappable Kyon get flustered. (And later Sasaki as well.)

Exposure to the Brigade must lead to a higher appreciation of cuteness.

Explaining Ryouko's backstory to Sasaki should be interesting.

[Brian]

Near the beginning, with Yuki:

Hooray, feedback!  And ... suddenly tons at once. o_o;;

As always, if I don't respond to a specific comment, it's because I used the correction. >.>

Spoiler: ShowHide

Shortly after, with Sasaki and Kyouko:

'Perfectly matching' is used twice as a description in the same paragraph. Not incorrect, just a little clunky - the first could be omitted without losing clarity.

Reworded that:

As Sasaki and Kyouko weren't officially part of Tsuruya's organization, the pair of them had more standard identical outfits of mini-skirt, blouse, and vest--  Perfectly matching the outfit that Mori wore, Yuki noted, as they entered the lobby of Tsuruya towers, and spotted her there, raising an eyebrow at the group.

General plot question:
What would happen if, theoretically, the slider beacon was anchored to Sasaki?

It depends.  There's a pretty good chance that if it was done while she was unaware of the supernatural it'd work -- somewhat.  But she'd assume that as soon as the sliderbots came into view they were just fancy props from some show, and they'd mostly be neutralized.  That doesn't help if they appear behind things out of her line of sight or do something relatively mundane, like knock over the building she's in (earthquakes are unfortunately, plausible enough).

If it were to happen at this point, well, she'd be lucky to only be kidnapped, most likely.

In either case, Kyon wouldn't trust anyone else to take that responsibility except maybe Yuki or Koizumi.

Overall though, I'm really happy with it. :) Nice to see a bit more of the group dynamic.

Hooray~!  Thanks for the feedback. :D

[thedarkfreak]

Spoiler: ShowHide

"Kyouko-chan and I will sit up front," Koizumi volunteered with a smile.

Let me guess, there's only one seat up front. :P

then holding the jewelry box that Mori had given her out to him expectantly

Just this very picture is sooooo goddamned cute.

If you wish, you can place the pin, and he can help with the latter portion."

Did...did we just get a smartass comment from Yuki?

"Incidentally, Kyon-kun, do you have sufficient ... protective gear left, considering your situation?"

Ow, my head.  Who threw that brick?

Kyon nodded, his face slightly red for some reason, his gaze slightly unfocused. Was he swaying?

So, wonder what happened and who started it.

almost flinching at the scent of alcohol.

Oh.

Part of Kyon was tempted to suggest doing exactly that, but he nodded and sat up, prompting Yuki to finally let go.

*whacks with newspaper* Down, boy.

"There is no rule against showering together," Yuki observed quietly.

*whacks with newspaper* Down, girl.

Of all the people she expected to put cuteness ahead of logic, Sasaki would be near the very bottom of that list.

Cuteness trumps all.  Fact.

Well, I kinda let the running commentary trail off, but overall, I enjoyed this chapter.  Good scenes, good foreshadowing, flows well.  I liked it.

The few grammatical errors I found were already found by others.



@Specular:  Kyon being in a Trope-tan outfit happened when Kanae was.   When he took his coat back from her, it was still in disguise mode when he put it on.  He changed it quickly, but Tsuruya still got a picture of it.

[Brian]

I'm posting this a lot later than I intended to. This time I noticed the draft early enough, but I didn't get the chance to write all this down until know. I hope the following won't come across as ranting.

I think you can check some of the other subforums if you want to see what ranting looks like around here. >_>;;

It's a clean draft as far as I could tell and the few typos/omissions I found are listed in the above post.

Neatness!

Spoiler: ShowHide

Overall: There are a lot of instances of ellipses with a space at both sides (" ... "), which isn't consistent with the previous chapters where the norm is to omit the space at the left ("... "). It also caught my attention to see en-dashes ("–") instead of double dashes ("--") as usual.

Hmmm.  I'm not sure what's going on, there.  In my copies (html and text), it's a double-dash in all cases.

As far as the ellipses, they're absolutely consistent, though ff.net might screw things up (I kind of gave up on trying to make things look correct there).  So, an ellipses indicates omitted text, or when used in speech/narration, implies trailing off.  If it's in the middle of a sentence, then the spacing should be consistent on both sides of the punctuation:

"This line is ... delayed."

If it includes the ending of a sentence, then it's joined to the last word in the sentence that is written:

"Trailing off....  Starting a new sentence after that."

Also, as indicated above, an ellipses notifies that words are omitted, and could contain potentially multiple words, sentences, or even paragraphs within it (it is the Kuyou of punctuation).  It does not intrinsically indicate the end of a sentence itself, however, and so an elipses should be followed by a period if that is where the sentence terminates.

Realistically, I should use the special elipses character, but currently, I am lazy.  At some point, if any of the volunteers who said they could help with aquilae feel like doing work on it (which is hard to begrudge, since I'm not paying anyone anything) want to put in a special handle or automagically convert all instances of three consecutive periods to the special character, that could change.

Also, on ff.net, because I don't use the special character, all instances of an ellipses are reduced to only three periods.  I've kind of given up on making things look especially good for ff.net anyway, because they are kind of jerks and make us jump through a looooot of hoops.

Seriously. :x

OCD-level nitpick: the tea in the cup must be cold by then if it was poured before the moment Sasaki fainted.

Well, fainting spells typically last ten minutes or less, but sure.  Since it's from Tsuruya's PoV, it's 'probably cooled' tea. :p

As Sasaki and Kyouko weren't officially part of Tsuruya's organization, the pair of them had more standard outfits of perfectly matching mini-skirt, blouse, and vest-- Perfectly matching the outfit that Mori wore, Yuki noted, as they entered the lobby of Tsuruya towers, and spotted her there, raising an eyebrow at the group.

Is that outfit a reference to something? At first I thought of it as just a variant of the "office lady" look, but now I have my doubts.

Most OLs are basically secretaries (OL jobs are considered 'pink collar', and even today are generally not equal to those of their male counterparts).  Mori's outfit as it appeared during Mikuru's kidnapping was less feminine in that regard, more like something a US business woman might wear.

I've extrapolated on that a bit in the context of K:BDH, and (weirdly) working with an organized crime syndicate actually gives Mori more of a chance to be recognized than working for a corporation might.  Naturally, there are some exceptions, but for the story, the outfit is supposed to send a no-nonsense message, and warn that disregarding the person wearing it just for being a female is a bad idea.

There's also solidarity in them all dressing identically, which should be slightly more obvious, but....

I don't remember Mori calling Yuki by her given name before. I'm not sure if it's appropriate here.

Hmm, I guess not.

Wow. That was adorable.

:D

Now that is a brick joke! Have been what, like fifty chapters and half a million of words between the set-up and the punchline? I'm awed.

I guess it has been that long, hasn't it? o_o;;

Yuki's impeccable logic is impeccable. xD

She is a helper.

Wait a minute, engrams? Did Yuki rewire Kanae's brain or something? I think I need to read a little more about the subject before commenting, though.

Only in the sense that teaching someone something rewires their brains. ;)  It's just Yuki's roundabout way of saying they have a way of giving Kanae precise coordinates without using words or numbers.  In a way, Kanae can gain a memory of a place she hasn't been, for the purposes of jumping there, by looking at a symbol that Ryouko or Yuki can project.  She subconsciously decodes it and then ... slider powers for fun and profit.

Or fanservice.

This makes wonder what Miyoko would say if she hears that...

That she wasn't getting a fair chance, but would be willing to try?  I think Koizumi would find her a bit young, unfortunately.

I can't decide whether the honorific is indeed missing or not as in that way the wording works to emphasize how much more of a priority Haruhi was for Koizumi in comparison to Mikuru.

Primarily for emphasis.

Everyone should bow before the adorable-ness of Kuu-nyan!

Hmmm.  I can add bow and reference the ears twitching.  I think I will....

Great! My trope-senses can just smell a "Scarf of Asskicking" in the making.

There are some uses for an indestructable length of material, though.

"The only girl's costume I've seen Sempai wear is a Trope-tan costume!" Kanae interjected helpfully.

I don't remember that. I do recall Kanae dressed as Trope-tan, but that's it.

When he took the coat from her, it was still set to Trope-tan, so Kyon briefly got it, too.  Tsuruya managed to get a picture.

...she should mention that.

Kyon's "Echoing" the signal that the Combine uses to track down Kanae makes me wonder what would happen if there are more than one Kyon around via time travel. Would they target to one of his time-divergent versions randomly, they would detect all of them and then have to pick one, the one closer/farther to Kanae would be the only one they see (given that the efficiency of the Echo seems to be a function of the distance) or they would be unable target anything at all?

It reminds me a little of that discussion in the movie Primer where one of the time-traveling main characters discovered that his cell phone picked up a call that his past self didn't and suggested that the network simply looked for the first phone it could find and then stop looking (AFAIK, it depends on the cell phone network. In others cases, both phones ring).

Hmm.  In this case, the signal is unique, so can't exist in two locations simultaneously.  Kyon would have the choice of which temporal variant it would target, though he might not know that in advance, otherwise the genuine signal would override either imitation.

I tried to put some amount of thought into how the main characters' relationship would work if sex is added to the equation and I noticed a relevant underlying factor that slipped out of my mind, namely, this is the first serious, committed romantic relationship for all of them. This may be a plus considering that preconceptions don't play such a big role here as they would otherwise, but now six teenagers and two extraterrestrial entities that chose to live as such must deal with all the issues that first-time couples go through, just compounded to the power of n.

For example, I'd say that waiting until both partners are ready is the right thing to do for any Kyon/girl pairing. But all seven of these are taking place simultaneously and this is bound to happen sooner for certain pairings than others (waiting too much is another issue in its own). Case in point: I currently consider that Kyon and Tsuruya have the best chemistry together and left on their own (and especially after the engagement) they probably would have crossed that line already, however it's a critical matter for her how such development would affect Haruhi in particular.

In turn, Haruhi is a complex case where frail and strong personality traits are too intermixed. As it happens in canon, Kyon is a catalysis that brings out her best points, but he also strengthens her insecurities to the point they can overwhelm her. There is also the fact that Kyon seems to buy a little too much into the confident persona that Haruhi projects, missing the calls for attention that she can't make more obvious because her pride won't allow to make herself look "needy". Taking into account their intrinsic trust in each other, I dare to say that it would be for the best if Kyon steps out of his comfort zone, takes the initiative and pursues her more aggressively and unambiguously. However this may be a problem for Kanae, Mikuru and Sasaki.

Kanae's admiration for Haruhi is only second to her borderline worship of Kyon, Mikuru long ago internalized that Haruhi's relationship with Kyon takes precedence over hers and Sasaki feels that she owes Haruhi too much. Because of this, I theorize that if Kyon abandons his somewhat passive romantic stance with Haruhi for this reason, the three of them could try to understate their own needs to them (even to themselves) so to not become an obstacle to Kyon and Haruhi's intimacy.

Yuki is special in that much of these considerations don't apply to her. Or better said, not in the same way. If I'm allowed to digress, I'll say I think Yuki loves Kyon deeply and her excessively pragmatical mindset expresses her feelings in the most rational and self-disparaging way possible: her imperative to be useful to him. This is tightly connected to one of her biggest fears, namely losing him, either because he could discard her (yeah, right) or because she fails to protect him. To Yuki, it doesn't matter how many other girls are in his life or how much she has to wait to get some time with him (there is always the pocket dimension though) as long as she is reassured she holds sufficient value to him.

If this (admittedly sad) standpoint applies, then I think Yuki will think of sex as another means to achieve reassurance. This doesn't sound too bad until one consider all I said as a whole, even if not so much for her but potentially for Kyon. I mean, personally, I would be very much out of my depth in Kyon's place with Yuki as a lover and I can easily picture him wondering how much of that is her own wish and how much is what she thinks he wants. Or considering how smart he knows she is, he could wonder she already knew he'd wonder that and now he's asking himself whether her interest is genuine or if she's just displaying the right amount of interest he expect her to have. Or <insert nested argument and repeat ad nauseam>. In other words, under this interpretation I don't really see Yuki saying "no" to Kyon about anything (unless that's what she thinks he wants to hear, etc. etc.) and such a willing partner is a helluva lot confusing in so many levels to anyone other than a massive pervert. And all that is before considering what the other girls would think to that.

With Kuyou, I don't have a clue. Seriously. So far it seems that to her, being attracted to Kyon is as natural as for gravity to attract matter (heh). Her keen interest in the memetics associated to kissing and her first-hand experiences suggest that she would want to imitate whatever the other girls are doing but beyond that, I can't make a guess. I just hope a few stars won't go nova (literally) in the process.

...I doubt that will ever be handled onscreen.  It is messy, though.  The sort of problem that Haruhi has decided she (and therefore Kyon) are up to the task to handle.

Without going into the whole physical intimacy thing, there's enough trouble managing the relationship as it stands, so taking it slower is probably for the best.

Next point to comment: Sasaki's mother.

I think it's very interesting what are you doing with her character. It's very unusual for me to react this strongly to a character with so little "screen time". I deeply disagree with her opinions, but I didn't dislike her for them. I think her teachings are mostly a liability for Sasaki, but I can't blame her for trying to pass them on. Sasaki's mother is jaded and bitter woman but she makes complete and utter sense and I'm already wondering how Kyon could win her over for real. I commend you managing that in just a few paragraphs.

Just one request: she needs to be named. Preferably in this chapter.

Something that caught my attention: Sasaki's mother is the second character, after Akane, who easily could come across as unsympathetic to most people and she's also a mother to a main character. Luckily we readers got her motivations from the start this time but I think you should be careful of making it a trend of this. I mean, it would be sad if Hinamizawa has the monopoly on cool and understanding mothers.

It's actually meant to be specific to Kyon and Sasaki's mothers, and is (in fact) part of why they get along so well.  "Oh, you know what's best for your child and feel you should make important decisions for them based on things in your own past you'd rather not openly discuss?  We should push our children at one-another, that will end swimmingly!"

I wasn't planning on making it a trend, as much as a reason for Akane and Sasaki's mother to get along.  I hadn't thought of a name, since I didn't originally have much of a plan for her character; that was just to explain Sasaki's mother briefly, and more importantly, the environment that Sasaki grew up in. >.>

I'm not sure if I understood the politics involved with the meeting with the Sumiyoshi-rengo and particularly why Tsuruya and Kyon's attendance wasn't something obvious from the start as she's the one who arranged the whole thing in the first place and why the SOS Brigade had to play along as simple "guests" for the occasion. It's like the Yamaguchi-gumi chose to pretend that it was the Sumiyoshi-rengo who requested the meeting on their own so the former could flaunt the political upper hand in the negotiations or both parties chose to keep quiet about Tsuruya's actions for a different reason.

Did I get something right?

The thing with the Sumiyoshi-rengo is that Tsuruya ostensibly isn't involved; officially she and Yuki didn't meet with the enemy to broker peace.  As it was mentioned, the kumichou was just fine with the Sumiyoshi-rengo losing tons of money and manpower while the Yamiguchi-gumi came out on top every time; realistically, he was content to watch them bash their heads against Kyon and co.  Which also means that Tsuruya actually defied his will -- that's specific to the Tsuruya-tachi, though, putting family ahead of everything else.  Her father forgives it, of course (and he knows because Shinobu knows, and trusts him enough to say so), but it might upset his boss, so....

By showing up as guests, it's pointed out that Tsuruya (senior) knows what's going on, but the kumichou isn't aware of that.  They're skirting the edge of their loyalty to him, but want to put on good appearances.

The Yamaguchi-gumi really does have the upper hand, but the point that both sides were played (even if it was to the Yamuguchi-gumi's advantage, so far), is legitimate.

A persistent topic in this chapter, starting with the epigraph itself, is Haruhi's growing frustration and discontent. A similar situation happened before (culminating with her fight with Tsuruya and then Kyon visiting safe-mode!Haruhi) but this time I'm having troubles figuring out where this is going and why. At first sight, it looks like Haruhi is just reacting poorly to the lack of attention from Kyon, attention that he hasn't noticed she wants, but plot-wise it looks like a set-up for something else (especially with the text message Kyon received and "Kyon's uncle" presence in town).

So yeah, would be you so kind to give me a hint of the purpose of this development? I just don't want to keep pondering about it until the next chapter. PM me if it's too spoiler-ish.

Well....

[spoiler]Haruhi is feeling a bit neglected, and wants to try and handle it herself.  But it's not just the relationship angle, it's the fact that Haruhi is starting to feel like she can't contribute meaninfgully.  Mikuru's a better cook (and gets to play Kyon's somewhat clueless sidekick frequently), Tsuruya's technically employs Kyon (and has paid him an awful lot by that point, to say nothing of the nice suits), Yuki and Kuyou have powers as well (not to mention Yuki/Kyon holding the key to Haruhi's more poweful abilities), and Kanae's slider problem was 'handled' (as far as she knows) without Haruhi even being brought into the loop.

What does that leave Haruhi with?  Distracting Kanae (who she likes, but this is Haruhi, and she wants more), and making Kyon adequate bentos for lunch that don't stack up to Mikuru's dinners.  Being the 'boss' in name, but seeing Tsuruya do a more effective job of it, in a structure that her own followers seem to take more seriously than the Brigade (at least at times), and when she was willing to risk telekinesis to break the ice with Sasaki, Kuyou stole her thunder there.

In a ranking sense, Haruhi sees herself as the least effective member of the team; even Kyon's sister and Kanae have both pulled off a rescue of the titular 'hero'.  While she's able to project a confident front, at her core, I don't see Haruhi as supremely confident -- especially once she loses her ability to categorize herself and 'everyone else' separately.  So it's heading up to another crisis of confidence for her.

The presence of another time traveling Kyon is foreshadowing for Haruhi getting a chance to do something she sees as 'important'.  If you want to know what that is, I'll say it's something that Kyon's tongue is tied on, despite him not being very happy about that.

Hopefully that clears it up for you. :p
[/spoiler]

Okay!  Thanks for the feedback! :D

[Specular]

Mostly follow-up than anything else:

Spoiler: ShowHide

@Specular:  Kyon being in a Trope-tan outfit happened when Kanae was.   When he took his coat back from her, it was still in disguise mode when he put it on.  He changed it quickly, but Tsuruya still got a picture of it.

You're right:

Haruhi's eyes widened at the slider's pajamas.  "So cute!" she exclaimed, seizing the girl in a hug as Kyon took his coat back, slipping it over his shoulders and grimacing at the outfit that suddenly wasn't boyish enough for his tastes.  He toggled the coat to be invisible, but not before Tsuruya managed to snap a picture of him anyway.

Thanks for pointing it out.

Hmmm.  I'm not sure what's going on, there.  In my copies (html and text), it's a double-dash in all cases.

Ack! Now I get it. It's my fault.

I used a little script to reformat the draft into a HTML file more legible on the screen I'm using right now (long story) and I didn't realize that a recent upgrade of one of the component programs now renders "--" as en-dashes and "---" as em-dashes unless it's told otherwise.

Mori's outfit as it appeared during Mikuru's kidnapping was less feminine in that regard, more like something a US business woman might wear.

I've extrapolated on that a bit in the context of K:BDH, and (weirdly) working with an organized crime syndicate actually gives Mori more of a chance to be recognized than working for a corporation might.  Naturally, there are some exceptions, but for the story, the outfit is supposed to send a no-nonsense message, and warn that disregarding the person wearing it just for being a female is a bad idea.

IIRC, canon!Kyon described that outfit as inconspicuous but I think I got what you mean, so scarily-competent corporate lady's look it is.

Wait, didn't Miyuki's investigation reveal that Mori graduated from law school? IMO, that's a bonus to all her don't-get-on-her-bad-side stats. Makes me wonder if she's working as a legal advisor now.

Hmmm.  I can add bow and reference the ears twitching.  I think I will....

HNNNNNNG!

Just a minor observation: IINM the bow is based on her school uniform, which is something that the PoV character (Haruhi, I think) is likely to notice.

Now that I think about it, it's just me or Kuyou just shamelessly stole Kanae's cosplay idea?

There are some uses for an indestructable length of material, though.

I'm not sure what it says about myself when the very first I thought after reading that was that scene in Shanghai Noon where the main characters use wet fabric to break out of their cell, but yeah, the potential uses are pretty much endless.

By the way, does the scarf grant invisibility in the same way than the greatcoat? For some reason that question gave me a mental image of Kyon and Haruhi stealthily roofhopping across Nishinomiya together (via gravity manipulators and telekinesis, respectively), culminating in them sharing an airborne kiss, superman-style.

It's actually meant to be specific to Kyon and Sasaki's mothers, and is (in fact) part of why they get along so well.  "Oh, you know what's best for your child and feel you should make important decisions for them based on things in your own past you'd rather not openly discuss?  We should push our children at one-another, that will end swimmingly!"

"Beloved smothers,
by sad commonality,
brought us together."

The thing with the Sumiyoshi-rengo is that Tsuruya ostensibly isn't involved; officially she and Yuki didn't meet with the enemy to broker peace.  As it was mentioned, the kumichou was just fine with the Sumiyoshi-rengo losing tons of money and manpower while the Yamiguchi-gumi came out on top every time; realistically, he was content to watch them bash their heads against Kyon and co.  Which also means that Tsuruya actually defied his will -- that's specific to the Tsuruya-tachi, though, putting family ahead of everything else.  Her father forgives it, of course (and he knows because Shinobu knows, and trusts him enough to say so), but it might upset his boss, so....

By showing up as guests, it's pointed out that Tsuruya (senior) knows what's going on, but the kumichou isn't aware of that.  They're skirting the edge of their loyalty to him, but want to put on good appearances.

Now I understand. Thanks for taking the time to clarify that for me.

So yeah, would be you so kind to give me a hint of the purpose of this development? I just don't want to keep pondering about it until the next chapter. PM me if it's too spoiler-ish.

Well....

If I'm reading this right, that's something I have been waiting for long time to happen. Nice!

[Brian]

Greeting, all. It's been a while since I posted about anything, really. Anyways, here we go... (note that I may respond to anyone else's post in the process of doing this, I do hope that that's okay...)

It shouldn't be a problem.  They're forums for discussion. ;)

Spoiler: ShowHide

"Er," Sasaki managed, making no move to release Kuyou. "I think, on some level, I'm still processing this. But certainly ... this is an unusual think I can accept without reservation! How ... does this lead to me controlling my powers, though?"

Think? Um, I don't recall that word ever being used that way. Don't know how you can correct that, I'll let you figure that one.

Should have been 'thing'.  Typo. :p

And that's all I got for now. Sorry that I'm bad at this.

Nothing to apologize for; thanks for the commentary. :)

[Brian]

Hi! Random Lurker here.

Hello, and welcome to the boards!  We're fun people, and easy to get along with, aside from rare exception.  Only Dracos bites, and his teeth have at this point been dulled by countless Smash Brothers matches ... unless he regrows them like a shark, which is entirely possible.

Spoiler: ShowHide

In Yuki's narration (second section), she refers to Kyon as "Kyon", which is something she Does Not Do (unless that changed without me noticing).

Yuki does, in narration.  It got awkward figuring out a way to address Kyon without using the nickname, and she didn't have Kanae's go-to of 'sempai'. :\

I wish I had been able to avoid using 'Kyon' from her PoV, but I was only able to minimize usage.  Kuyou is very similar in that regard, though aknowledges that both of their 'names' aren't fully accurate, so....

It's fun to see the normally unflappable Kyon get flustered. (And later Sasaki as well.)

Exposure to the Brigade must lead to a higher appreciation of cuteness.

:D

Explaining Ryouko's backstory to Sasaki should be interesting.

She might lose some cuteness points in Sasaki's eyes.  She might figure out a way to overcome it, though.  We'll see!

Thanks for taking the time to comment; I appreciate it greatly. :D

[Brian]

Spoiler: ShowHide

"Kyouko-chan and I will sit up front," Koizumi volunteered with a smile.

Let me guess, there's only one seat up front. :P

Kind of; it's a bench-style seat.  So they'll be quite cozy. ;)

Did...did we just get a smartass comment from Yuki?

I don't know about that, but it's her typical reaction to that sort of thing ... like when Haruhi asked Yuki to hold Kyon down, and then Haruhi tried to pretend Yuki was rehersing for the next movie. >.>;;

Ow, my head.  Who threw that brick?

XD

Of all the people she expected to put cuteness ahead of logic, Sasaki would be near the very bottom of that list.

Cuteness trumps all.  Fact.

It seems so!

Well, I kinda let the running commentary trail off, but overall, I enjoyed this chapter.  Good scenes, good foreshadowing, flows well.  I liked it.

The few grammatical errors I found were already found by others.

Okay -- thanks for the feedback; I appreciate it. :)

[Brian]

Mostly follow-up than anything else:

Alrighty.

Spoiler: ShowHide

IIRC, canon!Kyon described that outfit as inconspicuous but I think I got what you mean, so scarily-competent corporate lady's look it is.

I thought there was a picture from Ito in one of the books, but I can't find it.  It ... must have been the way I put the scene together in my head, I guess. :x

Hmm, the book actually says she's dressed just like an office lady.  Well, the fan translation, anyway.  Oh, well.  I guess it's an artistic liberty. >_>;

Wait, didn't Miyuki's investigation reveal that Mori graduated from law school? IMO, that's a bonus to all her don't-get-on-her-bad-side stats. Makes me wonder if she's working as a legal advisor now.

Mori was an intern, so she's a legal advisor.  She doesn't have the years that Keiichi does under her belt, but she gets to be scary since it's kind of hard to compete with the Magician of Words.  Keiichi, unfortunately for him, still looks pretty cuddly even when he's going [strike]axe[/strike]baseball bat crazy.

Keiichi: "I'm going to take what I can get."

Just a minor observation: IINM the bow is based on her school uniform, which is something that the PoV character (Haruhi, I think) is likely to notice.

I was actually thinking of having it be the ribbon that Haruhi put in her hair originally to tell her apart from alternate-Kuyou.  I may still go with that.

Now that I think about it, it's just me or Kuyou just shamelessly stole Kanae's cosplay idea?

Kuyou tends to copy other people, so ... yes.  Of course, Ryouko tends to help. ;)

By the way, does the scarf grant invisibility in the same way than the greatcoat? For some reason that question gave me a mental image of Kyon and Haruhi stealthily roofhopping across Nishinomiya together (via gravity manipulators and telekinesis, respectively), culminating in them sharing an airborne kiss, superman-style.

Hmm, the way it's set up, no ... but that might be added.  A date with Haruhi along those lines might cheer her up, though.  Haruhi has somewhat forgotten, but she is pretty much the only one who can fly.

"Beloved smothers,
by sad commonality,
brought us together."

Hehehe....

If I'm reading this right, that's something I have been waiting for long time to happen. Nice!

I assure you, I've been waiting even longer. :p

Okay; thanks again for the feedback and commentary. :D