Evil Commentary Bureau Versus Lethal Bimbo's

[Dracos]

Another Saturday morning, another brilliant star submitted for analysis.  We'd like to welcome ye all to another fine session of the Evil Commentary Bureau.  And boy do we have a whopper of a fic today.  Standing tall at a grand total of six pages, it managed to be a source of controversy that has spread far larger than the fic itself managed to.  Today's fic is Lethal Bimbo's by Iamasu.

As always the Evil Commentary Bureau will give a flawless and impartial analysis of the fic.  We will also allow a single rebuttal by the author to address any concerns regarding this review.  We regret we cannot allow for more than that due to time considerations and the simple demand for ECB reviews.  His single rebuttal can be sent to: dracos12@hotmail.com.

Now, moving on to the event of the day:

"The Evil Commentary Bureau Versus Lethal Bimbo's"

*Begin ECB*

Disclaimer: I don't own Ranma 1/2,.(Don't feel like makin' one up right now.)

ECB: Remarkable start truly.  It only takes thirty seconds to go find the real owners (which any fan should know off the top of their heads) and note them in your disclaimer.  Your excuse here is a pathetic way to start a fanfiction.  It's starting on a whimper instead of a roar.

***********************

Lethal Bimbo's By Iamasu

ECB: Whee, the title is nicely displayed.  This is good.  Excepting that he clearly is referring to plural "Bimbos" as the subject of his fic shows.  Letting word autocorrect your grammar isn't always a good thing.  Lethal Bimbo is (The extension of your contraction) is a nonsensical title.  Lethal Bimbos would be what you are going for.  A little proof reading can go a long ways.

The three mostly ignored fiancées sat together, plotting again. Those with brains were currently not using them because they were trying to make a plan for the capturing of Ranma Saotome's heart.

ECB: Okay, we note this is a bash fic and intended as such.  The author is already taking the setting to preach to us about the characters.  This is notably bad form, using the Tell instead of the Show.  It's far better to show the fiancées acting a certain way than to tell us that they are brainless bimbos in your introduction of them.  I'm not going to bother getting into the Canon of it because that's not what I do.  What I will note is that you've set a precedent here for your fic that all later characterizations of these characters will have to follow.

As time had passed, they had seen their beloved slip away from them. Their previous and unsuccessful plans had driven him right into the arms of a certain 'uncute tomboy'.

ECB: SHOW DON'T TELL!  Is it that hard to show a scene and build a real event around this?  Instead of just "yeah, this happened and this is what they think and lets just go on and get to the good stuff because building a solid story base to work off of can't be important at all!"

However hard it was for them to admit it, the three knew deep inside they'd lost him for good.

ECB:This incredibly weak preaching achieves two things:
A)It drives away anyone who doesn't agree with you because you lack any and all subtlety in how you present it: No development of characters, no flashbacks of them realizing it, nothing.  Just "Yeah, we all know we lost him for good.  The author says so!"
B)It tells us, the readers, that you don't care enough to even build up the characters.  Even someone who agrees with you on this should be appalled from a writing perspective.  It's like you have an outline here of what you want to accomplish instead of a story.

This is what had eventually driven them over the edge. They were willing to risk anything to

ECB: Woah.  No lead in whatsoever.  They are already over the edge?  Okay, as much as this hurts your make sense grade, for giving no lead in or build up, it will be accepted as a premise and expected to be revealed throughout.

get their hands on him now, their homes, their friendships, their honor.even working together.

ECB; Grammar is your friend.  Don't kick him in the face please.  That appears to be a period after 'honor', which means you should put two spaces there.  'Even working together' is a phrase, not a sentence.  And don't group them as 'they'.  'They' implies they are all completely and utterly agreed in their motives.  That's boring as hell.  They don't think the same, they don't act the same, and this should be shown.  The Amazon Shampoo going over the edge into a murderous rage would be far different than Ukyo or Kodachi.  How they would act would be different.  Most specifically you aren't taking any time to build them as characters; they are simply grouped as antagonists.


Now they were thinking of the perfect plan, perfect in their eyes, to get Ranma and exact

ECB: Speaking to us again?  Stop breaking the fourth wall.  We SHOULD be in their perspectives here.  Therefore of course it would be perfect in their eyes.  We don't need the author stepping in to tell us this.

vengeance upon Akane the same time.

ECB: Indeed.  You really want to leap straight to the chase here.  It shows and it shows painfully.

Their heads suddenly jerked up the same time, each thinking the same thing.

ECB: Needless to say them all being in the same room without having this planned in advance is well 'ludicrous'.  But then, it's no less contrived and undeveloped than any of the other shit you are spewing out.  "EXECUTION OVER IDEA", understand?  It doesn't matter what the idea you are writing if you don't take the time to execute it.

"FOURSOME!!!"

ECB: Okay, understood that their brains have been removed.  Any upper level thinking processes shown after this point will fail you in making sense.  Albeit, I doubt you will have any trouble managing to keep this level of intellect.

They high-fived and stormed out of the place to set their evil plan into motion.

ECB:Evil plans and the bimbos who spawn them.  Brilliant! Absolutely Brilliant!  And by brilliant here I mean who gave you permission to write without learning anything about how to construct a story?  There are fairy tales that spend more time building up a literary base for their story than this fic.
_____________________________________________

It was evening already and it was getting a little chilly outside. Ranma walked trough the
streets of Nerima as he softly whistled one of his favourite songs. The several other people

ECB: Did we become British?  Favorite is suddenly spelled with a 'u'?

outside didn't even so much as spare a glance at the careless young man; they had other
things on their minds. Or maybe it was just the fact Ranma wasn't using the fence-route for once.

ECB: What incredible prose.  I should FRAME THIS RIGHT UP THERE NEXT TO KAPITO!  Yes, it is simply that magnificent an example of how to write absolutely trite and painful prose.  Your grammar is good, but that's all I can say on this.  Did you even read this out loud to consider how wretched it sounds?  It's utterly pointless tripe that begs the question: "Why the hell am I reading this?  What purpose does all this referencing nameless people have?  Oh wait the author wants to accent something that he can't just do inside Ranma's perspective like any good author would.  That's it.  There's the answer!  Author=SUCK ASS!"

Ranma hadn't noticed, for his mind was on Akane right know. He was worried all right. She hadn't come home for dinner that evening and he couldn't think of anything he'd done to anger her that day, which was unusual by itself. When she hadn't come home after dinner, Soun and Genma were about to send him to look for her, but he was already gone.

ECB:Weak and now weaker has your prose become.  The further you go the more you preach to us from an omniscient perspective.  This is disgusting, show us a story, don't tell us how much you dislike the characters you chose to write about.

Ranma sighed again as he passed a small alley. <<Where the hell has that uncute tomboy ran off to?>>

ECB: Unreferenced and uncommon thought qualifier.  Points off for not previously declaring how you are going to denote thoughts or taking the time to write it clearly from Ranma's thoughts.

He suddenly retraced his steps when he heard a pained sound. He carefully peaked into the narrow passageway. In the dark, he could only see as much as a lump, or rather a person. He immediately recognised her once she let out a ragged breath.

ECB: Spellcheck is not just the hammer I bring down on you head to shatter your weak little skull.  Nor is it the train wreck that your fic was born to be.  No, it is a higher thing than that.  It is YOUR SALVATION!  It COMBINED WITH PROOFREADING WILL GIVE YOUR FIC POWER!
And...  yes, a single ragged breath would automatically give her away.  My Devils below do you even think about trying to make what you write feel real?

"Akane?!" He dashed over to the girl and kneeled next to her, carefully tilting her head.

"Ranma." Her response was weak but clearly filled with relief.

ECB: yada yada, give this thing more LIFE!  It's weak and soap opera'ish right now.

He carefully picked her up and carried her to the side of the alley. Careless of how gentle he was, Akane winced as pain shot trough her body again. Ranma immediately slowed down and

ECB: Certainly this sentence makes sense somehow.  In GoGo Baby land probably.  Now for those of us who write English, Akane cannot be 'careless' of how gentle Ranma was.  And yet, that is what your sentence says.  Way to Go!  Proper sentence structure over proofreading wins again!

sat down her on the sidewalk, her back leaning against the wall. He brushed a stray hair out of her face and kneeled next to her again.

ECB: Error Error...  Anything that would put Akane in such a state would leave obvious physical marks.  And unless Ranma suddenly went blind and lost all sense of touch, he'd NOTICE THEM.

"Akane.please tell me.what happened to you? Are you hurt?"

ECB: Wheee!  Nifty Nifty Nifty!  I just love when an author tries to over dramatize a scene and just tosses to the wayside all the powerful tools he would normally have available to him for a contrived build up.

She raised her hand, signalling for him to calm down. "Don't worry Ranma. It's just a scratch." Her voice cracked.

ECB: Spell Checker has an axe to grind with you.  He says you never use him and just rely on single drafts.  Bad You!

The moment she had finished her sentence, the streetlights went on, illuminating her face.

ECB: Whee!  This isn't a plot device here.  Nope, it isn't a plot device at all.  Never mind that it's extremely contrived visually and literally, and that there are a thousand other ways to accomplish your goal.  Go on, use the light suddenly turning on by itself... at night... when it should already have been on...  and illuminating the sidewalk that...oh wait, people are walking around who just don't take any note of this right?  Yes, Go Right Ahead!  THINK THAN ACT!  THINK THAN ACT!  Why is this so hard for you?

Ranma gasped. Her face was filled with a wealthy combination of cuts and bruises. They trailed down her neck and seeing the way she clutched her waist, he figured she had more there also.

ECB: I gasp...at the writing here.  Devils below await this foul writer soul for he doth need much training in the art of sentence writing.  Officially there is nothing wrong with these lines.  Read them more carefully and you'll see they are unnecessarily weak and trite here.

"Oh God, Akane! What did this to you?! I swear, if it's the last thing I do, I'll make it pay!"

ECB: "Oh my God, Story!  Who did this to you?!  I swear if it's the last thing I do, I'll make them pay!"  *Turns and stabs the author in the face with his pen*

Akane cringed at the venom in his voice but told him anyway. "Ranma, it's Shampoo, Ukyo

ECB: Yes, I've just been beaten up but I'm scared of the guy who has come to save me!  Whoopie!  What Genius thought that up!

and Kodachi. They weren't normal. Well Kodachi never was, but Shampoo and Ukyo totally snapped. They said if they couldn't have you, no one could." She coughed to punctuate her

ECB: In-deed.  This isn't over dramatized writing.  Nope, no sir!

sentence.

ECB: You make it sound like she is putting on a show here.  Albeit that might just be an interesting plot twist on this.  It would make the story something less than the complete boring straight forward fic it is now.

She suddenly threw her arms around his neck and broke down into sobs. "Oh Ranma! They wanted to kill me, and thought they had but I just fainted."

ECB: You mean three trained martial artists... who each have shown in the original manga the ability to use sharp steel weapons... couldn't finish the bloody job?  FAIL!  There it goes!  You just failed Make Sense Right There.  The mere fact you took three trained martial artists and have Akane's body still recognizable in any way shape or form kills this.  If they are truly acting how you displayed earlier either someone should have had to save her OR she should have a sword in her skull.  The "She fainted" doesn't work here.  It's only good when you have blunt boxer types doing the attack.  Even so, it's almost impossible to perceive that she wouldn't have most her body broken.  Yes, so many psychopaths don't leave you shattered on the floor when they try and kill you.  They just bruise and cut you.

Ranma didn't say anything. He just held her tightly, avoiding the bruise on her waist.

ECB: I'm going to refrain from face faulting here.  Just to let you know.  But this is such a face fault worthy line.

"I'm glad you're here Ranma. They were on their way to the dojo when they came across me. They'll probably be back soon when they don't find you there."

ECB: To do what?  Glomp him?  Oh wait sorry, brain temperature=room temperature.  Got it!

Ranma nodded. "Can you stand?"

ECB: Stupid Question.

"I think so."

ECB: Well she shouldn't be able to.

Ranma carefully helped her up and offered her an arm. "Come on, we gotta get you home." He smiled softly.

ECB: Do you even consider what you write before you write?  No harping of this at all from you.  Any romance writer would be disgusted at the waste.

Akane stubbornly shook her head. "No Ranma, you have to go. Run before they find you!" The outburst took a little too much out of her and she slumped over, right into Ranma's arms.

ECB: Run before the three female martial artists that you would have above even chance of beating by yourself reach here.  Don't think of taking me to get help from Kuno or Ryouga or back to the dojo where you'd have an even bigger advantage.  Leave me here to DIE!

"OOF!" she let out, finding herself against his chest again.

ECB: This is so real, so fucking real, that my mind wants to shut off to ignore it happening.

"Not a chance, Akane! There's no way I'm gonna leave you behind like this, especially with those bitches on the loose out there. If what you say is true; if they really snapped, they'll rip you apart at first sight."

ECB:  Too Calm.  Way Way Way Way Way Too Calm.  Yes, I am going to analyze what happened.  I'm not going to just take Akane home but instead worry about whether what she says is true!

Akane's eyes widened. He held her with one arm and bonked a fist against his chest with the other, winking at her. "An' don't worry about a thing 'cause I'll take care of ya. It's my fault they lost their minds anyway. I should have ended all those stupid engagements a long time ago."

ECB: And someone should have ended your life long ago.  You really need to structure this better.  And go look at Ranma's speech patterns.

Akane felt a pang of hurt at this. <<Did he mean ours too?>>

ECB:... This is really really really really out of place.  As in it's a completely unbelievable thought leap.  WHABAM!  The stamp marks you again as you remove Akane's brain.

She was too afraid to ask when they suddenly heard voices coming from the main street.

ECB: Which as you noted above is where Ranma and Akane are.  Can't follow your own work?

Ranma's look hardened. "It's them." His voice was as hard as stone.

ECB: Your usage of adjectives astounds me.  Who could not be touched by such powerful prose?  By the way, if you can't tell, I'm lying to you.

He carefully pulled Akane towards him.

"Akane, listen to me. I promised I'd never use this attack again, but it looks like I have no choice in the matter now. It's important you stay still and let go of your fear. Otherwise I won't be able to cloak the both of us."

ECB: You only have six dozen options ranging from beating the shit out of them to leaping to the roof tops.  Let's just start off with the last resort stuff though.  And it's so utterly easy for someone who has been beaten to this degree not to be afraid when the ones who did it come back.  *rolls eyes*

She just nodded and hugged him tightly, willing her fear to go away. Ranma concentrated

ECB: Fear Fear Go Away, Bother some other girl!

himself and let his aura slowly fade away. He went into the Umisen-ken, taking Akane with him.

ECB: This is the best description I've ever seen.  I'm lying again.  *slaps himself* Sorry, your work just brings out greater desire to lie so I can pretend I'm not reading what I am reading.

They disappeared from sight just in time to avoid being discovered by the three. Kodachi was the first to enter the alley. Her cold and maniacal laugh echoed trough the neighborhood and chilled Akane to the bone. She clutched Ranma tighter against her. "Control, Akane." He whispered softly in her ear.

ECB: This is so powerful that I can't help but not be budged at all by Kodachi's evil.  Never mind that you've spent no time building plausible danger from her.  Not a moment spent to try and elicit empathy with Akane before this so that we feel horrified and frightened at the scene.  You just give a 'cold and manical laughter that echoed 'THROUGH" the neighborhood', right?

Kodachi had a cruel grin on her face as she, followed by Ukyo and Shampoo, advanced to the place where they still thought Akane's body lay. You can imagine the look of surprise on their faces when Kodachi found her victim missing. It was quickly replaced with a look of anticipation tough. Her aura shone with insanity and the look on her face clearly said murder.

ECB: I can imagine that you did suddenly use a spell checker here without proofreading as it shows.  I can also imagine you switching styles and tenses and perspectives mid paragraph.  I can't imagine this being any good.

"Well, well." She taunted while cautiously searching the place. "It looks like the little wench had some life left in her after all."

ECB: Never mind trying to get into the speaking styles of Kodachi.  That would be too much like trying!

Ukyo and Shampoo grinned, their eyes shining with the same insane glint as their "leader's". An idea suddenly popped into Shampoo's wicked head. She looked at Ukyo and Kodachi. Both nodded at her unspoken question.

ECB: You are remarkably clever.  Preaching again from your soapbox, who could ever doubt your words?

Shampoo turned towards one of the nearby walls. "Akane should hear what Shampoo and others just do. We go to Tendo dojo."

ECB: -.- this is a weak scene.  Just totally weak.  You just have them leap to the conclusion that Akane is still there even though they can't see her.  You are portraying this level of thought from people who were earlier completely retarded?

Ukyo sputtered in silent laughter. "I just love how that bimbo's mind works." She whispered into Kodachi's ear. Kodachi nodded in agreement and listened as Shampoo continued.

ECB: sputtered in silent laughter?  How do you do that?  I didn't think it was possible.  In fact, it isn't!  Wow!

"We go inside and drag Ranma to bedroom. We gag airen and hump him." she struck a vulgar pose and mimicked the motions. ".'till he completely dehydrated. He die with smile on face."

ECB: Well this makes sense in context, only because you ripped out her brain at the beginning of this fic and made her a mindless automation.

Ukyo and Kodachi couldn't keep their laughter in anymore. "Now you're overdoing it, Shampoo. The bitch is stupid. Even if it wasn't true, she still wouldn't believe us."

ECB: This is the worst characterization I've ever seen.  Period.  Inclusive of Kapito.

<<Good one.>> Kodachi winked.

ECB: Um, thought becomes whisper?  Inconsistent!

This of course had the desired result. All three turned to where the blazing hot aura was coming from. Strange enough, Akane wasn't the source. Or wasn't for the biggest part. They gasped at what they saw.

ECB: This is pretty pathetic.

Behind Akane, Ranma materialised, an angry fire blazing in his eyes. He didn't say a thing,

ECB: By the Devils Below, Spellchecker take his head!

just put Akane down and struck a defensive pose.

Kodachi didn't stay fazed for long and, crazy as she was, lashed out with her ribbon. Ranma was to angry to let the stupid thing get in his way. He tackled Kodachi to the ground and jumped away from several of Ukyo's mini- spatulas. Ukyo and Shampoo both brandished their weapons and went to Kodachi's side. They growled.

ECB: Certainly, they'd all attack Ranma now that their plan is discovered.  Yeah.  Okay, it works within the completely insane without any grasp of reality perspective but then, you haven't even shown THAT well.  You are continuing to group them as one entity.  Instead of three separate ones working together.

"No way sugar! You hurt one of us, you hurt all of us!"

ECB: O-kay.  Noted.  This is way alt-universe but what the hell.

The flipped vixens helped their comrade up.

ECB: What Brilliant word usage!  *takes away your thesaurus*  You can have it back when you understand how to use the words successfully.

Kodachi spat out some blood. "If you won't have us, Ranma-sama. For that, you will die!!!"

ECB: That sentence makes no Sense.  It's grammatically and logically flawed.

The ribbon shot out in Ranma's direction again. This time, Ranma stood his ground and was about to catch it with his wrist, when he noticed the small flicker of metal on the sides of it. <<What the.?!>> He quickly dodged but winced as part of it sliced into his shoulder. He jumped to the side while Kodachi retracted her weapon.

ECB: Your prose + dialogue here doesn't work.  It's like a blunt wood spoon.  Sure, it's good to swat someone with but it's far from a sharp steel blade.

"You see, Ranma-sama. Resistance is futile. Keep in mind that I'm the only one attacking you

ECB: Stealing a Borg line.  Points off for lack of creativity.

so far. I don't think it'd be wise to find out what the others can do."

Shampoo and Ukyo held their weapons up, but lowered them again with a sign from Kodachi.

ECB: Yes certainly.  Three bodies, one bimbo brain.

"There's no need girls. I can handle this ruffian myself!" she smirked.

ECB: Um, but Ranma could rip Kodachi apart at virtually any point in the series if he really wanted to.  Given you are setting this post series it seems or at the very earliest somewhere in the series after the umisenken arc, there is no reason why Ranma shouldn't be able to destroy her easily.

She made this clear with her next attack. Ranma never saw it coming. Kodachi flicked the ribbon in Akane's direction. Ranma was so blinded with rage he couldn't see trough the attack. Akane yelped when it came in her direction. As Ranma rushed towards the girl to keep her from getting sliced up, Kodachi jerked the ribbon back so it wrapped itself around the two.

ECB: Proof read Proof Read PROOFREAD!

Ranma did what he could to protect Akane from the sharp edges of the weapon but it got imbedded deep into his skin in the process. His face contorted in pain as he was about to break free but a warning from Kodachi stopped him.

"I wouldn't advise it, Ranma-sama. Moving around will only cause the ribbon to tighten around you two."

Ranma knew it to be true, but wasn't about to let her defeat him that easily. He tugged at it again and barely suppressed a groan as the metal- coated fabric sunk even deeper into his flesh. He opened his eyes once the pain subsided a little, staring directly into Akane's hazel ones. He could see the panic in them and stopped himself.

<<If I go any further it'll kill her too.>> he realised.

ECB: Proofread your damn works.

A ki-blast wouldn't help either. From his position he'd shoot right trough Akane.

ECB: Proofread and contrived.  Like this entire scene.

He silently pleaded for someone to help, but no one came. He looked into her eyes again, knowing he couldn't win this one.

ECB: Contrived, Ranma always thinks he can win and this is far less threatening than other situations he's been in.

"Akane?" he asked.

She didn't answer, instead she leaned forward and kissed him softly on the lips. Ranma's eyes bulged, but he gave into it nonetheless.

As quickly as she had begun, Akane broke the kiss again. They smiled at each other even as Ranma began to gather the power for the final blow.

ECB: This is so absolutely p...  someone kill me before I finish reading this.  This fic just hurts.  My sarcasm isn't even a shield anymore against such terrible writing.

Even if they couldn't get themselves out of this, they'd make sure those witches wouldn't cause any harm ever again.

Kodachi, Shampoo and Ukyo stepped back when they felt the couple's aura grow.

"No! They aren't supposed to do that!" they screamed.

ECB: You've watched way too many shows geared towards five year olds.  And you are stealing this scene from one of them.

All three readied their weapons and jumped at the two. The couple panicked.

<<We're not ready yet!>>

ECB: Yep, verily stealing this scene from one of them.  You really should quote your source material.

Akane squeezed her eyes shut and Ranma held her tightly. He leaned forward next to her ear. "I love you Akane. I'm sorry it took something like this to tell you."

A tear slipped from Akane's closed eyes as she pressed herself to him even tighter.

"I love you too, you jerk. I've always loved you." She sobbed.

At least they'd be together in the next life, she hoped.

ECB: there is so much wrong with this scene I won't even bother analyzing it.  I'd need a page just for these few lines.

*FOOMP*

*FOOMP*

*FOOMP*

The sound of something sharp imbedding itself in flesh shook them out of their reverie. It took the couple a while to figure out they hadn't been the target tough. The heavy thuds of three bodies falling to the ground got their full attention and made them look up.

Kodachi, Ukyo and Shampoo lay on the ground, each had a small dart sticking out of their back.

ECB: Cheeky Bastard.  Deus Ex Machina!  The hand of god comes in and saves the heroes just when all hope is lost.

"Wha.?" Ranma and Akane said in unison as they mimicked the stupefied expressions from the tranquillised girls.

ECB: SPEEEEEEEELLLLL CHECCCCCCCCCCK!

They turned to the source of the shots. "Tofu-sensei?!?!"

ECB: Yes Tofu-sensei is a skilled guns user who can hit three moving martial artists without them noticing him with ease.  He also does explosives in his spare time.  Such a caring doctor, that Tofu-sensei.

The doc lowered his dart-gun and smiled at the two. "Looks like I got here just in time."

He could see the questions burning in the couple's eyes. "How I knew? Well, I am their physician. I've been monitoring their sanity for the past few months but couldn't take action until they went out of line. I."

ECB: Um, no he isn't.  And no this wouldn't be his area of authority.  And No No NO NO NO.  This fails make sense by itself.

Ranma, who in the meantime had gotten some of his composure back, interrupted. "So, in other words, you've just been waiting for something like this to happen so you could send them to the loony bin."

ECB: Isn' he still tied up and sliced up?

Tofu smiled. "Well, you could look at it like that."

ECB: So absolutely cheerful.  You'd think he was happy to oblige.

Ranma was surprised at the man's boldness. "I suppose we oughta thank you for saving us, I think."

He softly nudged Akane, who had been silent all the time.

"Ranma, I." She felt her strength slowly seeping away. The whole experience and her previous injuries had exhausted her.

Ranma carefully peeled Kodachi's ribbon from his skin and lifted his one true fiancée up in his arms. He looked at her adoringly, which didn't go unnoticed by the doc.

ECB: You are pathetic.  This is the weakest KoTF rant I've ever seen.  In the words of the bloody cardinal: Go Fuck a Donkey.  Never BREED!

Tofu smirked. "I take it you two have been trough a lot yourselves."

He pointed a thumb over his shoulder. "Come on, my car's standing over there. I'll take you two to the clinic."

Ranma nodded his thanks and followed the doctor into his car, carrying the girl he loved above all else close to his heart.

ECB: Sappy Cut and paste Soap Opera style.

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Epilogue:

ECB: It's over?  Thank the devils!

Ranma and Akane's relationship knew its ups and downs, but both knew deep inside they loved each other. They could get trough anything as long as they stood together. They married eventually and lived their lives happily ever after.

ECB: Proof read and just forget doing the happily ever after bit.  It sucks worse than the rest of the fic.

Shampoo and Ukyo never got their rational minds back. (Kodachi didn't have one to begin with.) They spent the rest of their lives in a mental institution and were drugged most of the time to keep them from killing each other. They were happy as long as they got their vanilla ice-cream laced with anaesthetics for dessert.

ECB: Preaching again, spellchecking again, and just ugh.  This wouldn't happen.  If you are trying for a bit of realism they'd be sent to a high security prison and NOT KEPT TOGETHER.

Dr. Ono Tofu eventually became the head of the institution he had put the three girls in. He soon became one of the richest men in Japan and was happy when he finally got up the nerve to propose to dear Kasumi.

Nabiki probably married Tatewaki to milk him dry of every penny he's got.

ECB: What a lovely bit, adding a cliché just for the hell of it.

As for the rest of the cast, don't know, don't care. Whoever they married, they were probably happy too.

ECB: Whee I'll finish this.  They all got together to bemoan their bodies being used by this author for his sick attempt to get renown.

THE END _____________________________________________

What?! Ya got this far? Well, I have to congratulate you on yer stamina then.

ECB: Indeed.  But know it's been honed by authors who are even worse than you.  Though usually they can't claim it's intentional.

Although some may think this fic here was a tad extreme, I suppose most of you guys don't care as long as it's R&A^^

ECB: ERROR ERROR!  We do.  Just relying on the worst parts of the R&A fanbase isn't a good way to write at all.

As for making Kodachi, Shampoo and Ukyo the villains in this fic, I really don't have anything against them (OK. Well maybe I do.) but you have to admit, with Ranma always "leading them

ECB: This is the author's notes.  You don't lie your head off in them.

on" and then disappointing them again, they could snap at some point. Although I don't think it could be this bad, but work with me here OK?

ECB: No.  I already did earlier.  It hurt my sensibilities.  No More.  *STAB IN FACE*

Thanks for reading!
ECB: No thanks for writing.


That's all I wanted ta say.

ECB: And far more than you should have.

iamasu@easynet.be

http://www.iamasu.easynet.be

*End ECB*

Okay that was painful in the extreme.  The author needs to work on characterization, spelling, proofreading, writing, plot, and listing his sources.  He fails the Make Sense school of fanfic critiquing with a painful F-.  This fic went above and beyond the call of duty to suck ass.  Now excuse me I have to go gouge out my eyes.

[Anastasia]

In other news, Iasamu, or whatever the hell his name is, is gone from fanfiction.net.  I did a search for Lethal Bimbos, and turned up nothing.  I then looked up his name in the ffnet author directory, and it turns out he's no longer a member of ffnet.