Evil Commentary Bureau VERSUS SHINJI SI!

[Dracos]

In the early morning darkness, while others sleep, the Evil Commentary Bureau arrives for a late night presentation.  Below we will analyze what has to be one of the funniest Ranma 1/2/Neon Genesis Evangelion crossovers I have ever been subjected to.  As always this will be a fair and impartial analysis of the fic.

As always we will allow a single response from the author, usable for whatever he wishes, if sent to the e-mail account: dracos12@hotmail.com.  We apologize that we cannot allocate more responses but Evil Commentary Bureau criticisms are in high demand of late.

This review, along with any responses, will be hosted on the ECB web forum for any who are interested in reading the tale as it progresses or seeing past public works: http://dracos.anifics.com/forums//index.php?board=22

Now, without further adieu we present the case of:
"The Evil Commentary Bureau Versus The Shinji SI Fic"

*Begin ECB*

Ranma 1/2 is a creation of Rumiko Takahashi and is
owned by Viz video. Evangelion and its characters belong to Gainax

ECB: Always good to start with a proper disclaimer.

This is my first Ranma story so please bare with me I may make a lot of

ECB: bear with me.  Proofreading is always essential for published work.

mistakes. Also the reason I am posting it here in the Ranma section is

ECB: Understatements are cute.

I plan to make it more Ranma than Evangelion. Eva fans might not take kindly to that. And two I've noticed that Ranma fans are much more tolarent and open

ECB:Ooooh, bad start.  Whether true or not, taking a swipe at one of your two potential major reading groups is a bad way to start a fic.  "Hey, of the two of you who might like this, I think one of you might be an ass!"  Btw, the word is tolerant.

minded than Eva fans.

Ranma ½: Neon Genesis
By Captain Blaze
Happousai's other student

ECB: Nice title formatting.  Visible and good presentation.

It was a nice spring day in Nerima, the sun was shining the birds where chirping and there wasn't a cloud in site. The town it self was rather quiet for a Monday, there was little traffic,

ECB: The word is 'sight', not site.  Proofreading goes a long way.

and little activity.

ECB: These descriptions are notably drab.  And even as such should be separated from the 'action'.  Set your scene first, do your action later.

That was until the cry of several young women broke the rather peaceful silence "PERVERT!" with that a group of high school girls chased after a small man in a purple training outfit with a large sack on his back saying over and over "What a haul. What a haul." the little man jumped from the ground and took to jumping across roof tops heading for his 'residence' the Tendo Dojo.

ECB: Proofread again.  These errors, in this case 'the little man' should be 'The little man', are rather easy to pick up with a simple reread and edit.  And, to be frank, Happosai's 'action' should probably be separated from the girl's 'action' in your paragraph formatting.

Back at the Tendo dojo another break in the silence could be heard but not the usual fighting between the pig tailed boy who turns into a girl and the youngest Tendo girl. The shouts came

ECB: Description through negation here is definitely not working well for you.  It isn't a technique that really works well most the time anyhow.  Build your scene and then proceed.  Don't: "Back at the tendo dojo, there was no dodos flying around and bonking people on the head."

from Genma and Soun over an article Soun had read in the paper. "I can't believe it, Gendo is the commander of this Nerv organization. Instead of a dojo like he always said he was going to run. The nerve of the man, not continuing on the Anything goes school of martial arts."

ECB:I'm not even going to go through the formality of questioning how you set this up, in the spirit of the Make Sense School, we will presume that there is some reasoning behind this that does make sense.

cried Soun crumpling the paper in his hands.

"I know Tendo I think we should pay a visit to our old friend, and find out why he chose to forsake his training." said Genma.

ECB: Though the nature of your presentation needs a lot of work and pacing.

At that moment both Nabiki, Ranma and Akane walked in, just getting home from school. As

ECB: At that moment two three people walked in.  Yes, that's your sentence.  'Both' refers to only two individuals, whereas you have three.

the three entered the living room they all noticed that the men seemed a bit upset. Ranma

ECB: Gah, what are they?  Now all described 'together' instead of building the scene and showing what is really happening?  This is telling, bad bad bad!

didn't much care if his father was upset or not so chose to not say a word but Nabiki and Akane decided to voice their questions. "Whats wrong daddy you seem a bit upset for some reason?" said Akane much more worried then her sister.

ECB: Gyah.  You contradict yourself, you tell instead of show (Akane much more worried than her sister), you forget grammar in Akane's question (Whats=What's), and you don't even attempt to hide it.  Where's my mallet of smiting.  Bad Author!

The two fathers looked over at the girls "We just found out that one of our old friends who trained with us for years with the master has forsaken every thing he has learned in the

ECB: Well this sort of logic leap is definitely in character for them.  It still looks odd on paper.

Anything goes school of martial arts. Going against his honor to uphold the teachings of the master for something else." answered Genma for Soun was in no state to answer the

ECB:Um...you neither show that nor do you even hint at it.  You are telling again here instead of building the scene how it actually is on paper.

question.

"Really who is he?" Akane inquired again.

ECB: "Really, who is he?" or "Really!  Who is he?"  That word is generally separated by some small pause in speech.  And your descriptions are boring.  'again'?  That isn't good.  Additionally, I'll note now that you have physically described only a single character, yet you have, at my count, six on camera.

Genma pried the paper from Soun's clenched hand and handed it to the youngest Tendo daughter. "Him." he told her.

ECB: DRAMA, This is so powerful.  What?  What do you mean three reviewers fell asleep at this cliché over dramatization without really building any rising action before it?  That can't be right!  Oh wait, yes it is!

Nabiki looked over her sisters shoulder as her young sister uncrumpled the paper, and both girls eyes went wide as they noticed who it was. The picture was one of Gendo Ikari commander of Nerv sitting at his desk with his hands folded in front of his face and the article was an interview with him. "T t this i is t t the, HE TRAINED WITH YOU TWO AND HAPPOUSAI!!!" both girls yelled in unison.

ECB: Your stuttering needs work.  And stuttering doesn't work well with yelling in unison.

Ranma took the paper from the two Tendo sisters with a practiced speed no others in the house had learned, and examined the picture. "He don't look particularly strong, I don't get

ECB: You learn speed?  That's a new one on me.  You can train your body to move faster sure, but you can't 'learn' speed.

what the big deal is." he said honestly.

ECB: No wait, he said it dishonestly!

Nabiki, Akane and Kasumi were the only ones besides Happousai who watched TV at all so

ECB: Well, besides the fact that Soun in your story already reads the newspaper which would keep him up to date about events of that scale, and beside the fact that it's REALLY HARD to be ignorant of a war of that level going on in your own country.   Let's not even comment on the negating sentence structure "Nabiki, Akane, and Kasumi were the only ones besides Happosai" (Actually let's: Why the hell do you separate out Happosai here?).  Don't worry that this entire paragraph is of the tell style and should come out in descriptive prose or just taken for granted until you show us differently.  Nope, none of these are as important as being sarcastic!

they were the only ones up to date on the events going on in Tokyo-3. Happousai didn't really care since it had nothing to do with his hobby. Kasumi also didn't worry because she busied her self in the household chores. Soun knew only a bit about it from the paper he read every morning, it really didn't matter to him at all. Akane only watched to see what she could of the battles, after the fourth angel attacked the PR people at Nerv gave up with the cover ups. Mainly because of all the video's circling on the net, Nerv decided submitting edited copies of the battles where better than letting the true battle get around. Since then the Evas had only fought nine angels only three battles were some what caught, the spider looking angel's fight was caught from a armature news camera man and all that was caught was it being tore to shreds by rifle fire. And then there was Nabiki who was concerned only because she ran the beating pool at school on which Evas would beat the next angel, and was the top supplier of

ECB: *Sweatdrop*  Cliché taken a step too far.

pictures of the pilots, gained by a source she had that went to school and was in the same

ECB: The pilots are fourteen year olds.  They youngest individuals on that campus would be 15-16.  The oldest 18-19.  Action cards 'maybe', but not in the Ranma style of selling pictures.

class as them. Her business started with him after she saw one of the pictures he got of the pilot of unit 02 when she first arrived. Since then she had e-mailed him many times with

ECB: uh huh.

request for pictures. At first students only wanted pictures of the first and second children. But

ECB: "Hey, stalk your friends for me!  I'll pay you money!  You will?  THANKS!"
ECB: Hey... um, the 'Second' 'Children' (Notice the capitalization for being a proper noun), didn't even show up for a while into the series.  Shinji and Rei were fighting for a significant amount of episodes before she even appeared.

as one or two pictures of the third children got out almost all the girls and a few of the guys

ECB: Okay, see above regarding how he should actually be among the 'first' to be photographed, especially as he's the most approachable for the early parts of the series.  Moving on, EXCUSE ME?!  This is a fourteen year old kid.  High school'ers (Which Nabiki's entire customer base comprises of) wouldn't be buying pictures of him because he was 'cute'.  You imply 'sex appeal' in the way you phrase that.  That is sincerely blah.

wanted them, even her own sister wanted a picture of him. And why not he was rather cute.

"The big deal Ranma is this guy is Gendo Ikari he is in charge of the most powerful organization in the world, and is charged with saving the world from the angels. Haven't you been following the news?" Nabiki asked and Ranma just shook his head.

ECB: No, let's not separate the actions of the characters!  Why do that when we can have a run together mishmash of typing instead!

At that moment Happousai who had heard the entire conversation, emerged from behind the porch door to reveal his presence "Who he is and what he does doesn't matter. The fact of the

ECB: We just love our tell style of writing.  Never mind that it is bad form, removes any sense of suspense or power from your writing.  We just have to tell everything that's going on without showing it.

matter is he abandon my training and for that he'll have to answer to me. SOUN, GENMA come on we are going to pay Gendo Rokobungi a visit. Your coming to Ranma, this will be a great training trip."

ECB:  SENTENCE STRUCTURE!  "Soun, Genma, come on!  We are going to pay Gendo Rokubungi a visit.  You are coming to Ranma, this will be a great training trip."  Now never mind that you referred to him as Gendo Ikari before.  Let's not take even a little time before we reveal his earlier name.    And a swift internet check provides the correct spelling as Rokubungi, so you got that wrong as well.

At that point Akane made it her business to get involved in the conversation "I am coming to." she said holding her mallet menacingly, no one disagreed.

ECB: And Nabiki is just wall furniture.  And never mind you changing tense from present tense to past.  Yes, Happosai is current but Akane has to be an interruption to current.  She can't be current as well!



Geo front, Tokyo-3

Down in the dark depths of Nerv and the office of one Commander Gendo Ikari formally Gendo Rokobungi of the any thing goes school of martial arts, sat eating his lunch. He perfered to eat

ECB: Too much telling.  Not Enough Showing.  And Huh...one sec.  *Answers phone*  "Yes.  Yes, I understand."  *Hangs up*  That was spelling.  He would prefer if you used his axe on your story.

in his office instead of the cafeteria, enjoying his solitude and the silence of his office rather than the hustle and bustle of the cafeteria. As he picked his chop sticks to eat one of them

ECB: And I'll take Classically Mistyped Words for five hundred, Alex.  What are Chopsticks?!

snapped. To any modern day person they would just over look such a event but due to his

ECB: ...

rather unusual training no matter how out of date, it was an omen. "Happousai." he said and smirked, his past was about to come back on him and he welcomed the intrusion.

ECB: Yes, Gendo, once of Ikari and once of Rokobungi, has a new name now.  He is Gendo Omniscient.  He can't be surprised by the person he's seen neither heads nor tail of for at least a decade.  Nope, he has to leap STRAIGHT TO THE CORRECT CONCLUSION SO HE CAN BE PREPARED!  Such GENIUS!




In the apartment of Shinji Ikari, Asuka Langly Souyhr, and Major Misato Katsurigi all was

ECB: Is it such a challenge to spell the names correctly?  Say it with me "Asuka Langley Sohryu"  See?  It's not that hard.  Nothing like Misato Katsuragi.  That must be a truly incredibly hard name to remember and write.  Therefore I guess you can be forgiven as you got at least the first part right.  Never mind that you could have looked on the very internet you used to post this and gotten the correct spelling for both in under a minute.  You can be forgiven!  You Are A First Time Author!  Mercy Shalt Be Given For Giving No Time To Your Story!

quiet, well as quiet as it gets when ones room mates are a alcoholic, self absorbed german,

ECB: 'an alcoholic"

and a penguin. Shinji Ikari sat in his room escaping the jokes and berating he was receiving in

ECB: Please stop.  Please...before I have to set the negation goons on you.  They are getting all riled up you know.  You keep calling them out here and then killing the one who helps you out.  Like right here you use negation for what?  Shock value?  That's all I can see as you don't come even close to what's actually happening or even it's diametric opposite in your description.

the other room. He slowly turned off his SDAT and turned on the lamp next to his bed. Slowly dragging him self out of his bed he stood in the middle of the room and performed a kata that he had long ago learned. Over the years he repeated these motions almost by instinct now, he performed it mostly to calm himself or clear his mind. This was the first time though he had done it since coming to Tokyo-3, but with recent events he thought it would help.

ECB: Okay, sure.

Half way through the exercise the door to his bed room was thrown open by the german

ECB: Is it that hard to capitalize German?

complement of the apartment he was to deep into his kata that he didn't even notice her entrance. Asuka was ready to yell for him to make dinner but slowly backed out as she realized the style Shinji was using, Shinji however just went on as if she didn't even come in.

ECB: Shinji's a martial arts genius, Asuka's an expert at recognizing obscure styles from a single kata, and I Know I Know...  The penguin is really a secret sensei in disguise right?!  Btw, I'm trying to hint that this doesn't Make Sense.  Presuming Shinji really would know such a kata, there's no reason whatsoever for Asuka to recognize it right off the bat.

Asuka slowly walked into the kitchen where her half inebriated guardian was working on becoming fully inebriated. The red head sat down across from the major, the proceeded to

ECB: I can't help but jeer here "Ooh, big words...did you look those up in a dictionary?"  This sentence feels awkward and the diction is a big reason.

take the beer the older woman was drinking and finished it off her self. Misato rose an eyebrow in concern and asked "Whats wrong Asuka did you catch Shinji doing something

ECB: You know, with all the ' you forget to use, I might as well come up with something they can do.  Maybe an author killing machine can be made from their stored neglect!

nasty in his room?"

The pilot shook her head "No worst since when does Shinji know martial arts?" She asked.

ECB: The pilot shook her head.  "No...worse!  Since when does Shinji know martial arts?" Asuka asked.   Whee!  The Power of Proofreading!

The major blinked a few times before answering "He doesn't as far as his record goes, only you and Rei have any formal martial arts and in depth close combat training. Why?"

ECB: Well, not evidenced in the canon, but it's your fic.  This will have to be kept true to later if you wish to pass Make Sense School.

"I just caught Shinji in his room performing

ECB: Say no more, we don't want to know.

a some what complex kata." explained the red head.

ECB: Somewhat is a single word.  Moreso, I, without any knowledge of martial arts, can instantly follow what appears at a glance to be a 'kata'.  It's not something special.  It's just a series of physical movements.

"Shinji knows martial arts?" the major asked her self then opened another two beers, handing one to the second children and drinking the other one her self.

ECB: Uh...huh.  This is believable characterization.  And CAPATALIZE YOUR PROPER NOUNS GADDAMMIT!  "Children" not children, "Second" not second...get it RIGHT!

***

The next day, another nice sunny day Shinji, and Asuka are on their way to Nerv, since it was a Sunday and there was no school any long sync test were scheduled for that day. The

ECB: Grammar check helps your fic.  Provided you don't neglect it for Self Inserting yourself as Shinji.  "long sync tests were scheduled for that day."

german pilot wasn't to thrilled with her day off being wasted down in the geo front, and made

ECB: Country of origin should be capitalized.  Just like we are American, not american.

no attempt at hiding this fact as she managed a new record of seven complaining remarks in 30 seconds. Shinji how ever didn't care all that much, he had nothing better to do really other

ECB: This is really important to indicate.  Nor does it add anything other than flattening Asuka's character with a steel mallet.

than go over to either Touji's or Kensuke's. All in all it was an average Sunday, that is until

ECB: Two Sentences there.  Two thoughts, Two Sentences, follow the pattern!

Shinji, not really paying attention to where he was going ran into a panda. "Sorry.." shinji

ECB:This isn't contrived.  Nope.  I can just easily see what's next.  Shinji will get malleted and then become a super martial artist beyond compare!  Yes, that's right!  This is Super Contrived Shinji Man!  Whee!
ECB: Addendum: Is it that hard to capitalize Shinji's name?  Well?  Did the sniveling spineless god-wretch you replaced him with not deserve to have his name capitalized?

started to apologize but stopped as soon as he notice that it was a panda he ran into and not a person. It took all of five seconds for this event to totally register in the third children's mind. After that he let out a short scream in terror and tried hiding behind an equally scared

ECB: Children not children, can't you capitalize any proper noun right?

Asuka.

ECB:Um...why are they so frightened?  Sure it's a panda and for some reason they are walking alone but they are acting as if it's roaring for blood already.

The panda turned around and regarded the two children and then held up a sign that read [No excuse me. I happen to be lost.]

ECB:The comedic effect here is strangely good.  Though you ruin it thoroughly below, pity that.

Shinji and Asuka looked at each other for a second before speaking "D-did that Panda just hold up a s-sign?" they then turned back to the panda and started at it.

ECB: "He's an introverted manic depressive with a tendency to go berserk.  She's a fast drinking emotionally unstable punk genius.  They Fight Angels!"  And are afraid of pandas too!

The panda raised a eyebrow in an almost human like fashion and held up another sign [What? Do I have something on my face?] and the panda began to rub his face trying to find what was on it.

ECB: "Some girls just try to hard!"  Like you!  Run, Funny, Run!

The second and third children were absolutely dumbstruck, in all fourteen years of their lives


ECB: SEE ABOVE ABOUT THE CHILDREN!  GOD HELP THE CHILDREN THAT CANNOT BE PROPER NOUNS!

have they ever witnessed any thing like this. Not even living with a warm water penguin that drank beer, watched TV and read the newspaper prepared them for this. For two people use to fighting in two hundred foot robots against just as big or bigger monsters, they were still thrown for a loop here. Here in front of them was a panda that thought it was human, from holding up signs to human behavior.

ECB: The above lines are in such a class of their own, I am going to let them speak for themselves...in stereo:
"For two people use to fighting in two hundred foot robots against just as big or bigger monsters, they were still thrown for a loop here. Here in front of them was a panda that thought it was human, from holding up signs to human behavior."
ECB: Whee!

They were about to turn tail and run away from the panda when a pig-tail boy wearing a red Chinese silk shirt and black pants came up next to

ECB: Run, Run, or The guy in the red shirt will calmly speak to the panda!

them and began speaking to the panda. "Hey pops what are you trying to do scare people?"

ECB: "Yes Son.  Now go away."

the pig tail boy scolded the panda. The boy then turned to the two pilots "Sorry about pops, he's an idiot." that comment earned him a smack up side the head from an sign that read [Mind your manors boy!]

ECB: mind your manners author!  And separate the bloody actions and perspectives -.-.

At this point another man came up the group, he was rather tall with long black hair and a mustache and was wearing a black training gi. "Saotome, Ranma there you are have either of you had any luck trying to find Rokobungi, I mean Ikari?" at this Ranma only shook his head no and the panda held up another sign [No]

ECB: I was about to say stay consistent with your naming mechanisms, but then I realized you were referring to Genma by Saotome for some reason there.  Don't, it's confusing.

Shinji's ears perked up at the mention of his last name, and was a bit curious. "E-excuse me did you say you were looking for I-Ikari?" the boy stuttered quietly.

ECB: This really doesn't flow well.

The three newcomers turned to the third children and answered his question "Yes, yes we are. You wouldn't happen to know a Gendo Ikari would you?" The man with the mustache asked.

ECB: You aren't doing a good job of stepping into Shinji's perspective here for this.

Shinji's faced tighten with the mention of his fathers name, and he looked towards the ground. "Y-yeah h-he's my f-father. W-hy?" he managed to hold back the venom in his voice when any one brought up his father.

The three newcomers to Tokyo-3 took this news in stride, the idea of the man they once knew having a son wasn't all that strange but the look in the boys face when mentioning him did. The first to speak was Ranma since his father and Soun Tendo chose to remain quiet. "Well it

ECB: No, he spoke second because they stayed quiet!  We just always need to state the blatantly obvious!

seems that Pops here and Mr. Tendo trained with him and master Happousai a while back, and they seem to have a few things to talk to him about now." Ranma told the brown haired pilot. During this entire conversation Asuka was fuming, she wasn't the center of attention like she should be, again Shinji some how manages to steal some thing from her. First piloting eva,

ECB: Uh...huh.  Tell school all the way.  "Hello, here are my biases towards the character.  I can't POSSIBLY MANAGE to show them in the actually story, so instead I'm going to take a moment to preach to you about just how self centered and stupid Asuka is.  Isn't she an ass?"

then his growing sync ratio which soon would surpass hers, and now it seems since his father was some type of martial artist he just had to teach Shinji. That at least explained the routine

ECB: Yes, let's leap to conclusions not evidenced at all in the story so far because the author knows it happened.  Whee!

he was going through in his room, but that didn't do any thing to ease her anger none the less. Despite her anger she kept quiet and listened in to what was transpiring here.

ECB: I tried so hard, and got so mad... But in the end, it didn't even matter!

Back from the group Soun and Genma had moved away a bit to talk in quiet. Genma was now out of his cursed form thanks to a thermos of warm water Soun was carrying, and wearing his

ECB: GO TENSE GO, CHANGE AGAIN!  Tenseman, change to save the day!

white training gi. "Gendo has a son you know what this means Tendo." Genma spoke quietly in his gruff voice.

ECB: Soun: Yes, you now have a stick up your ass.  It is called: CONTRIVED!

"Yes and since I am the only one who has daughters, that is unless you count Ranma's cursed form." Soun responded in equally hushed tones.

ECB: Genma: "Hmmm... naw, I don't think I could get him to go for it."
ECB: On a more serious note, that never should have come up.  It's a hard to swallow thought path from Soun.

"The boy has enough fiancee` to deal with now, the deal clearly falls on your family now. Finally the three schools will be joined, that is if the old fool Gendo holds up to his honor and word." Genma said looking over at the boy. "I don't see any signs of martial arts training in

*cut, restart on post two*

[Dracos]

ECB: Three schools?  This is a mockery.  A jest indeed, it is to laugh. Stop fool, before you make more of an absurdity out of an absurd school.  They'd so want to join with someone who abandoned the school and betrayed it.  This is such a believable bit.

the Ikari boy. He don't carry him self like a martial artist, nor does he react like one. Ranma would have if he ran into a danger like a panda, taken a stance for action clearly this boy has

ECB: This is Mr. Dialogue, agent of the Good Dialogue Bureau.  I have come to rescind your license to write dialogue.  You have abused it way too much.  Please never write dialogue again.

little to no training. Do you think we should test him?" motioning with his thumb towards the third children. Soun nodded and stalked towards the unsuspecting pilot.


ECB: Genma: "I, expert martial artist, cannot tell whether this boy has any skill.  Therefore we must attempt to ambush him in a deadly double team attack just to see if he does!"
Soun: "Indeed, I will distract him so you can launch an aerial attack capable of crushing his skull in a single blow!"

Ranma instantly turned around as his danger sense kicked in, he was welcomed with the sight of his father charging the Ikari boy.

ECB: "Someone is attacking someone else... DANGER WILL ROBINSON DANGER!"

Genma lept into the air and brought his fist down onto the child, to the large mans surprise though Shinji blocked it with little problem, then grabbed Genma's wrist and sent the man into a near by wall.

ECB: Ouch.  Grammar my friend, are you alright?  I mean, I'm certain the author didn't intend for the strike to the back of your head to actually connect.  No, he would be totally surprised that you didn't manage to block his expert strike from ambush.  He'd never guess that you didn't manage to counter his expert martial arts skills with your barely trained skills by tossing him handily into a wall.

Soun didn't wait for the boy to turn and face him before making his own attack, he rushed in, in an attempt to sweep Shinji's legs out from under him.

ECB: Ah yes, in order to test the boy's martial arts skills it requires two trained masters of the art.  Only a double attack from both of them will even begin to show his true skills.  Sorry laddie, Shinji is in no way capable of hiding that level of ability.  Why don't you pick another scrawny fourteen year old who is shown getting his ass kicked in episode 2 of the series by a simple bully?  If you are going to change Shinji...you can't start midway through the series dummkopf!

But Shinji's own danger sense which till now seemed dormant and he jumped over the attack and lept back wards to avoid the other mans fist striking out at him.

ECB: But Shinji's own danger sense, which till now didn't exist flared and he jumped over the attack, leaping backwards to avoid the other man's fist.

Soun the pressed his attack which Shinji seem to block every strike from the mans fist while backpedaling.

ECB: Never mind that he was shown getting his ass handed to him by a bully earlier in the series.  Never mind that even if he had been training non-stop from that point he would still not be capable of these stunts.  Never mind that such training would leave really obvious effects such as increased muscle mass.  Never mind the logic train.  Whoot Whoot, Off to 'NotThisStory'ville!

Shinji had been running completely on instinct what little training he had received from his father and the few years of Tai chi he had taken while staying with his uncle kicked in.

ECB: A little training under his father and a few years of tai chi =/= Taking on two highly offensive trained martial artists attacking from ambush.  Sorry, No Go Here!

After a few more attacks Shinji sent Soun flying into the near by wall just like Genma.

ECB: We now return you to your regularly scheduled broadcast, "Shinji SI: Super God Of Martial Arts!"

Shinji took another step back with his hands raised in a defensive position. Genma and Soun stood up from the ground, Genma was laughing "Well done boy, not bad not near what Ranma was at, at your age but not bad at all." he said while placing a hand on Shinji's shoulder.

ECB: The grammar here is painful.  It is just one huge run on sentence.  And of course ignoring that Ranma at age 14 wouldn't have stood a chance against both Genma and Soun attacking from ambush.  This whole scene smacks of SI'ism.  Enjoy Shinji God Ikari as he defeats all opponents with remarkable skill!

"I had my doubts on your skill but that little exercise proved it." Soun smiled at the boy like Genma.

ECB: And well he should, given the amount of training you attribute Shinji to have shouldn't have allowed such a showing.

Ranma just stood there not really understanding why those two were so happy, the only time they got like this is when they were up to something. After a few seconds of thought Ranma knew they were up to something.

ECB: He took a few seconds of thought?  Wasn't the flying strike towards Shinji's head by Genma without warning sort of an indication that they were doing something?  No, they do this to every defenseless schoolboy who's father has a history with them.

Asuka was amazed temporarily by who she thought was a spineless weak little boy perform moves that she her self had trouble pulling off, do with out much effort. She then quickly dismissed her line of thought and made a remark "Hrmph I could do better."

ECB: Uh...huh.  *pulls out a mallet and flattens Asuka down into a pancake*  There, now she can play the part you want her to.  No depth, no intelligence, no wit, just good old two dimensional stereotypes.

Asuka was about to say more but a shout and a purple blur stopped her "PRETTY GIRL!" Said the voice and the second she looked down she saw a little old man was nuzzling in her breast.

ECB: You NEED A GRAMMAR CHECKER.  Get a pre-reading staff or just a word processor grammar checker.  The continual run-on sentences are a pain to see.

At the sight Asuka's right eye began to twitch, to say she was pissed would have been a big understatement.

ECB: Your description is so drab that I can't help but fall asleep here.  Really, it takes almost three sentences for her to react to being groped?

"GET BACK HERE YOU PERVERTED OLD MAN!!" came another shout and another blur of motion caught Asuka' eye as a huge mallet came straight at the old man on her chest.

"AKANE!" yelled the old man as he jumped from the second children's chest to that of the girl who just arrived with a rather large mallet. The mallet stopped its travel towards Asuka as the old man began to rub against Akane's chest.

"Mein Gott in Himmel mehr weirdos!!" Asuka yelled reverting back to her native tongue and

ECB: But that isn't pure German, and looks really stupid as it isn't.

took off towards Nerv. As Asuka left Akane had succeeded in Happousai off her.

ECB: Run, Verb, Run!  You might get away!  Yes you did!  He never caught you with that horrid sentence.

"Aww where did the pretty girl go?" Happousai asked looking around.

ECB: Whee, Such suspense.  Ever hear of a little thing called 'pacing'?  It makes jokes funny!

"What was her problem?" Asked Ranma to no one in particular.

ECB: ...
ECB: Ranma: "Hello, I'm Ranma and I... have been mentally castrated.  I cannot think."
ECB: Really now, NOBODY is that stupid.  This doesn't make sense for Ranma not to be able to put the two piece puzzle together.

Genma and Soun were instantly at Happousai's side "Master we have located Gendo's son Shinji, he should be able to take us to his father." announced the two happily.

ECB: Grammar, dialogue, and a bit of feeling.  Genma and Soun rushed to Happosai's side.  "Master, we have located Gendo's son Shinji.  He should be able to take us to his father," the two announced happily.
ECB: Wow, this really took me a lot of effort to see how to rewrite this.  Prereaders are the salvation of writers of writers such as your self.

Shinji blinked not sure what to make of what was going on, one minute he was being attacked, the next congratulated, and now this. Shinji sighed his life was about to get ten times more complicated, as if giant robots and angels weren't enough now he had to deal with shape changing martial artists and their perverted masters.

ECB: Yes, certainly he'd LEAP to this conclusion.  It couldn't merely be chance chaos.  It couldn't merely be something that is, rightfully, just a drop in the bucket against nearly getting killed regularly.  No, it's ten times more complicated right at the meeting without any indication towards Shinji.  Shinji, the boy with the power: Read Author's Script.

Happousai walked over to the boy and looked him over, he then pulled out his pipe and lite up.

ECB: "lit up his pipe." And you should end the sentence at 'looked him over.'

"Tell me son what did your father tell you about the Any thing goes school of martial arts?

ECB: Anything Goes school of Martial Arts not Any thing goes.

How far did he train you?" The master asked taking a puff of his pipe.

Shinji's face changed completely from one of surprise to one of anger and sadness "H-he didn't train me sir. He may have taught me a few moves but nothing more. What I learned I learned in Tai chi classes I took at my uncles. M-my father abandoned me when I was four."

ECB: Tai Chi==GODLIKE MASTER OF MARTIAL ARTS DONTCHA KNOW!

Shinji said turning away from the master of the any thing goes school of martial arts.

The look of shock was plastered on the faces of all the people present, that soon changed to looks of rage.

ECB: This is par for the course though in Ranma.  They didn't act this way at all at learning Ukyo had been left an orphan.  They don't show the kind of 'sympathetic' traits you are going for, even in your fic to the present.

"That bastard, not only abandoning the art but abandoning his own son. He will pay won't he Saotome?" Soun said to his friend.

ECB: "Let's Get the Gendo!  He Must Be A Villain..."

Genma nodded "Yes he will Tendo, yes he will." Soun and Genma weren't the only two upset about this Happousai's reason was the same as his students, the same with Ranma's and Akane's except they didn't care about the man abandoning the art. Neither of them had ever met the man but they both despised him all the same.

ECB: That has got to be the lamest grouping of nearly a half dozen characters into a single reaction I have seen since Lethal Bimbo's.  

Genma turned to Shinji "So boy you can take us to your father can't you." Shinji thought it over for a minute and nodded his head. If it was true and these people did know his father than he shouldn't have any problem with seeing them.

ECB: My Eyes SHINE WITH HATRED FOR YOUR GRAMMAR!

So with the group in tow Shinji headed off in the same direction as Asuka did, towards the main entrance of Nerv. Hopefully security would grant them a temporary visitors pass.

ECB: ...for what reason?  "Hello, Security?  I want to bring these five disreputable looking individuals on to the base to see my father."   Anyhow, a whole funny scene could be done on that except you time skipped past it.

***

The trip down to Nerv went uneventful his new found friends where indeed given visitor passes but only after the guards at the security check point called up to the commanders office and cleared it with him.

ECB: May I rend your funny from your bones now?  Or do I have to wait till the end of the fic?

This in its self surprised Shinji himself it seemed so out of character of his father to do such a thing, but to Shinji it just proved at least part of the strangers story that being that they knew

ECB: "at least part of the strangers' story" and you should end there really.  You are in the same chapter that you revealed it.

him. Right now they were on their way to the commanders office, one of the things Shinji agreed to do was to escort the group to Commander Ikari's office something Shinji was really dreading.

ECB: There is so much wrong with the above paragraph I'm not even going to explain it.  I am just going to light it on fire...and then pour gasoline on it.  *Does so*

After a good ten minute walk Shinji and the Tendo/Saotome group found them selfs in front of

ECB: Tendo/Saotome Group?!  'selves' maybe?

the supreme commander of Nerv's office. Shinji wasn't about to lead the group in, so Happousai to the initiative and threw open the large doors and charged into the office. "GENDO!" yelled the little old man.

In the office Gendo, his second in command Kozo Fuituski and Doctor Ritsuko Akagi were all
ECB: Spelling your characters names right isn't your strong point is it?  Et tu, Fuyutsuki?

having a discussion when the group led by Master Happousai charged in.

ECB: Um, didn't he already know they were coming as he did...call down for them to get in?  Oh I see!  Gendo holds important meetings when expecting guests!

Gendo looked up from the documents he was reading and smiled. The sub commander who was standing by the commanders side had a puzzled look on his face as did the doctor, who

ECB: Why do you group Ritsuko and Fuyutsuki in your fic?  Are they joined at the waist or something?  Can't give them their own individual sentences describing them and their reactions?

was standing on the other side of the desk her back facing the door. "Ah Master Happousai how nice to see you again you look well." Gendo said placing the papers down on the desk and folded his hands in front of his face, assuming his favorite position.

ECB: Grammar...GRAMMAR...GRAMMAR!  GRAMMAR!  GRAMMAR!  GRAMMAR!  USE THE FUCKING PERIODS!

The small master ignored the comment and jumped up on the desk and pointed his pipe at the man "You should be down on your knees begging me for forgiveness right now. Or is what I've heard from your son wrong." Happousai said keeping his voice to an even tone.

ECB: Um... shouldn't Happosai be thinking such merely from the school thing?  Anyhow, what's the deal, is Happosai suddenly blind here?

Gendo just smirked he knew exactly what his son had told them and he wasn't about to prove any one wrong but he wanted to play with the old master a bit. It had been over 16 years since he had trained with the master, he no longer feared the old man for now he was the master and no one else mattered. "Now what would Pilot Ikari tell you hmm? Perhaps that I no longer practice nor teach the art. Or that I left him in more capable hands to raise?"

ECB: Gendo is incredible straightforward here.  More so then I believe I've ever seen him.

The rage in Happousai's eyes was as apparent as he battle aura, which at the confirmation from Gendo flared up. "Gendo you have forsaken the oath you have given me as the master of the anything goes school of martial arts. That oath stating that you would continue the art and improve upon my teachings in your own school, also your oath that your son would be brought up in the art and be heir Rokobungi school of anything goes school of martial arts, hmm or would it be the Ikari school now? No matter, you have gone against your word and now you will pay the price for your transgressions." the old master practically yelled.

ECB: "YOU LIED TO ME, YOU BASTARD!  NOW I MUST MAKE YOU PAY!  Um UM...YAH!"  This is Happosai, Master of Subtlety I take it?  And yes, I will challenge you in your own realm at the height of your power.

Gendo and Soun rushed to the masters side to offer assistance, not that he needed it but they wanted to look good in their master's eyes by being there.

"Ah I see so what could I do to not pay for my transgressions? Short of ritual suicide or your wrath as you can see I am a very important man, my death would mean the end of the human race and I certainly can not have you running around wreaking havoc." said the commander with out moving.

ECB: Well, what a subtly fellow.  Let's lay out our last cards on the table right at the VERY START.  And, of course, Happosai is going to care and not just kill Gendo while letting Fuyutsuki take over?  Wow, Seeing other possibilities?  Never would expect that of the ancient martial arts master who is SUPPOSED to be in this fic a master of subtlety.

The masters eyes narrowed at the man, he saw no fear in Gendo's eyes for once the master was surprised.

ECB: Grammar, I hardly knew thee!

The short man thought for a minute and a smile graced his face "Your son." was his answer. At this Gendo raised an eyebrow in surprise, Shinji's face on the other hand was in complete shock.

ECB: Grammar, Grammar, We adored thee, fallen lord of LITERATURE!

The master was pleased "He will be given the training you denied him, Genma, Soun, and Ranma will train him in the art. That is the only other option you have." the old man cackled.

ECB: Well, besides just saying no or killing happosai or having the guards lock them out.  Never let it be said that other possibilities exist!

"Pilot Ikari is an important part of what we are doing here with out him to pilot Unit 01 and battle against the angels humanities fate will be sealed." replied the commander.

Happousai shook his head but it was Soun who answered "My dojo isn't more than a ten minute drive from here, we live in Nermia just out side Tokyo-3. He could be here in no time for a battle, and even you have to admit that him having this sort of training would only help in those battles."

ECB: Um...No it isn't.  Since when does Soun have a car?  Since when is 'TWO CITIES' so close to each other?  Since when is Nerima spelled Nermia?  Since when is the only solution the most convoluted one possible?
ECB: I just have to include this here.  It fits this scene so absolutely perfectly: http://dracos.anifics.com/COR/winnar.gif


Gendo was having trouble finding a flaw in Soun Tendo's logic and this aggravated him "Very

ECB: Well...that's because Gendo here is not only Omniscient but also retarded.  Retarded God Gendo, father of Cowardly God Shinji!  It makes perfect sense!

well his guardian will be informed and he will be placed under the care of Genma Saotome.

ECB: And this leap of logic is well...  "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU SMOKING?!"  How does "1" + "1" = "47" in your logic?  How the hell does talking to Soun and Happosai = Genma gets the boy!

Now if I see any indication of his training interfering with his sync test or his piloting he will be taken from your care and training and placed back where he is now. End of story, with no repercussion. Agreed?"

ECB: Um, why is Gendo acting like he is on the defensive?  That he has to give something to them?  NEWS FLASH: Honor doesn't matter to him.  NEWS FLASH: He could get rid of happosai in this instance easily enough.  NEWS FLASH: Happosai isn't this stupid.  NEWS FLASH: Neither is Gendo.

Happousai was no fool he knew that Gendo was up to something but for right now he would

ECB: In this fic, Damn straight he is a fool.  Walking straight into Nerv without any scouting or alternative plans if his former student tried to off him, Happosai is certainly...Intelligent?
agree to this and deal with any scheme Gendo Ikari was planing when the time came. "Fine. Now that that is taken care of." Happousai's demeanor changed dramatically as he turned towards Ritsuko, his lecherous grin now replaced the seriousness that had been there as he jumped at the doctor's chest, grabbing her breast. "Pretty lady!" Every one in the room save for Gendo shook their heads.

ECB: ... -.- Really now...  Your attempt at being funny here is sort of ruined by the fact...THAT YOU KILLED FUNNY WITH AN AXE ALREADY.

Shinji sighed to himself and thought "My life just got more complicated."

ECB: Yeah...it did now...because you are a moron.  And your author can't be bothered to try and make this make sense.

End chapter one

Next chapter Shinji leaves Tokyo-3 and begins his training in Nermia, where he will find out what agreement was made between his father, Genma and Soun. All this and more martial arts high jinks on the next Ranma 1/2 Evangelion, Hedgehog in Nermia.

ECB: Uh...huh.

***
Authors notes:

Its the Blaze again with another cross over. As of late I had become involved in another anime Ranma 1/2. I don't know as of yet weather this story will be more Eva oriented or Ranma, I

ECB: Whether not weather!

may go Ranma though because I just love the series to death. I need you my readers input for the next chapter though, if you couldn't tell in this chapter Genma, Soun, and Gendo made a agreement about their children to join all three schools and since Shinji is a boy he is going to be engaged to one of the remaining Tendo daughters. Now I ask you which one, Kasumi or Nabiki? The one that gets the most votes wins, simple as that. I have no favorite choice, its all up to my readers.

ECB: Never mind choosing the one that best goes with the story or reality.  Never mind that there is a five year age difference between Kasumi and Shinji that would require quite a bit of story detail to make work.

Also down the road I am toying with the idea of a curse for Shinji. Again I turn to you readers to find out what you think, and on what you think his curse should be. Don't hesitate to let me know what you think.

ECB: Translation: "I am going to curse Shinji just because I can."  Well, sure, through any sort of idea of making sense out the window and you can.

One last thing, if any one can think of a better title for this story please let me know, that was the best I could come up with.

ECB: Here's my submission: "SHINJI: SI"

After reading one of the FF.N rules "In order to prevent future abuse, FanFiction.Net's Upload Guideline has been modified to clearly bar any form of message board style entries: Any form of entry that would use the review system as a message board: "Ask...", interactive, and etc." I ask you to e-mail me or make it part of your review. I do not encouge one line reivews saying your ideas or choices. This is a disclaimor to cover my ass against this stupid rule.

ECB: 'reviews', 'encourage', 'disclaimer', now can't you use spell check please?

A few notes I haven't seen the entire Ranma series as of yet but I am working on collecting all the anime, and manga. I have seen all the way through the third season of Ranma plus two of the movies and assorted episodes beyond the third season. As for the manga I have up to volume 12 awaiting the next two. My wife only allows me two of the graphic novels a month so I won't be close to finished any time soon.

ECB: But you are connected to the internet.  I can understand family problems but the entire manga is fan-subbed online for people to read.  For anyone with a bit of patience they could get the later manga's before writing this.  And why not wait anyway?  You should know your characters as best as possible before writing something like this.  Having patience and keeping this on the back burner till you finish seeing the series would be wise to say the least.

I know my grammar and spelling aren't really as good as they should be but I try. If any body wants to go through and correct any mistakes I have made either grammar, spelling or technical go ahead. Be sure to e-mail to me all the changes you do though and I'll more than

ECB: There ya go.  One grammar and spelling fix for ya.  Next time may I recommend "Microsoft Word" and some prereaders?

likely rework the story. My e-mail is captain_blaze@cox.net or my hotmail e-mail captain_simon_blaze@hotmail.com.

Any comments, complaints or otherwise please feel free to leave a review or e-mail it to me. I accept all critism, although I'd appreciate constructive critism.

ECB: The ECB applauds your bravery at posting this without even doing spell checking.

<End ECB>

Well, the judgment here should be obvious.  The author has failed to maintain internal plausibility, hasn't managed to spell his character's names correctly, and has given the script to his characters of what will happen.

This fic gets a resounding Fail from the Make Sense School.  Most notably for its Shinji, God of Martial arts, explanations.

Credits:
Main Reviewer: Kind Fearless Leader
Assistant Reviewer/NGE Expert/Proofreading: Azalyn

This ECB is dedicated to Azalyn-chan, the cutest girl in all the empire ^^