ECB-Valley Girl Ukyou and plotless Akane

[Anastasia]

Well, it takes a special breed of fanfiction to get my attention.  Truly, only the cream of the shit can aspire to this lofty form of review.  This one made in about twenty seconds.

This will be an neutral, unbiased reviewing of your work, based on story, plot, grammar, writing, ectera.  A single response can be sent to Dunefar@hotmail.com, but due to demand for our services, only one response is given per review.

i do NOT love Ranma

ECB: It's a I, not an i. The very first word of your fic is fucked up.  Not a good sign, you've managed to kill any expectations I had for this fic in the first FUCKING word.  Congratulations.

My first Ranma fic. Hope you enjoy ^.^

ECB: Somehow, I doubt it.  

NOTE: Ranma only has one fiance in this fic. Akane.

ECB: Way to make an incomplete sentence!  Akane.  What a gripping, well formed statement!  What a way to fail at basic sentence structure so early on in the fic.  A comma would do wonders for that, you know.

Well, at least you knowed the alt elements at the beginning of your fic.  Premise and changes noted.

Oh and... I don't wanna do the whole.. Akane says ".." Ranma says "." but I'll try to make it obvious who's saying what

ECB: The period is your friend.  It likes being used to end a sentence and not used in excessive ellipsises.  Poor period, kicked in the balls over and over again in the same sentence.  And to top it off, you've jettisoned a basic rule of story writing before the story starts.  

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Ranma ½. blahblahblahhhh

ECB: No blahblahblah.  A disclaimer is the one flimsy thing between your ass and being assraped by copyright.  Is looking up Rumiko Takahashi's name and putting it here out of your range of intelligence, or are you just a lazy bitch?

~*~

"Ranma! If we're late one more time, I'm gonna kill you!"

ECB: Out of the void, a voice speaks!  What a damn shame that we have no idea who in the name of Lucifer is speaking.  Understanding who's speaking in a fic should be easy, not the clusterfuck mystery you've made it to be.  GOOD WORK!  

"Why are you saying this like it's my fault?!"

ECB: On today's menu, we have cliched Ranma/Akane interactions. Well, I guess it is Akane, that dang mystery person is still painfully UNIDENTIFIED.  

"Because it always is!"

ECB: Stunning!  Two simplistic statments, and still the speaker is a mystery!  

"Geez, Akane. You don't always have to be so tense about everything. And why do you always gotta blame me for everything?"

ECB: The puzzle is solved, it's Akane.  By God, it only took four lines to identify the first speaker!  Amazing work, it would challenge a retarded chimpanzee to do worse.

"Because you're always the one who's behind everything!!"

ECB: Because, because, because.  It's very redundant to use the same word to start a sentence twice in a row.  

"I Am not!!"

ECB: First, am should be lowercase.  Anyway, ignoring your screw ups in the grammar department, you have dialogue on a fifth grade level.  I am not!! What beautiful prose, so articulate and descriptive!  Do us all a favor and go drink a nice, cool bleach frosty.

"You are too!!"

"You're so damn uncute!"

"Likewise!"

ECB: Check that, it's on a second grade level now.  Once again, you take my expectations and shit on them.  

"Geez, let's just not be at each other's throats for once, k?"

ECB: k?  k?! Let's have a lesson, boys and girls.  Once apon a time, there was a writer.  Now this writer was certified dumbass whom thought single consonant letters could be used as words.  He went to his kitchen, looked around and FUCKING SHOT HIMSELF!  Take lessons and do everyone a favor.

"Fine."

"Well I'll meet you inside. Have fun fighting off your fanclub."

ECB: Bzzt!  WRONG!  If you had watched past the third episode of Ranma, you'd know that Akane's fanclub gives up on her after Ranma beats Kuno down.  

"Fine. See you inside."

ECB: Fine again, eh?  My, you like using the same words over, don't you?  I can't speak for you(Thank God), but I speak for many a reader when I say to learn some damn variety!

-Akane's POV-

Gosh, why does he always have to act like that?

ECB:  Perhaps because the author can't write anything but trite stereotypes?

Hmph...

ECB: No, three periods do not beat one period.  And I speak for all the periods when I say that they want to beat you for misusing them so badly.

he didn't even offer to help me fight off these annoying boys.

ECB: Maybe it's because Akane always claims she can take care of herself?  Or perhaps for the fact that there should be no horde of boys attacking her?

What a gentlemen. And I'm engaged to that moron.

"Hey Akane. What's up? You look a little tired... "

ECB: Somewhere, a person dies a lonely, sad death.  I envy him, he is spared from this mockery of good dialogue.

I looked up to see Ukyo standing beside my desk.

ECB: CONTINUITY GLITCH!  ERROR ERROR!  If Akane is Ranma's only fiancee, why is Ukyou around?  Did you even stop to consider the changes this would cause in the fic?  If Ukyou wasn't engaged to Ranma, why would she be in Nerima?  Why would she even know Ranma?  You just took your story consistency and fucked it up the ass.  

"Oh it's nothing really, I guess I'm just tired or something. Don't worry about it."

"Oh ok, if you say so... So how's life? Hehe, have you fallen deeply in love with Ranma yet?"

ECB: Please learn some other fucking words besides oh to start your sentences off.  Yours truly, Variety.

"Nowhere near. He's such a pain; I'll never be able to stand him... "

ECB: Again, the writing fails to reach above a elementary level.  Suicide, please.  No one will miss your writing.

"Oh I see... well umm... if you really don't care, how about I take him off your hands?"

ECB: Let's just run down the list of things that are fucked up in this sentence, hm?

Oh, I see.  Well, umm...if you really don't care, how about I take him off your hands?

"Fine with me. You're more than welcome to. He's all yours."

ECB: Good work Akane, you have reverted to telegraphic speech!  

"Arrigatou Akane!

ECB: It's Arigato or Arigatou.  If you are going to sloppily splice unneeded Japanese in your story, at least spell it right.  Fucking retard, you can't handle one languague, what makes you think you can use a second?

You know I've liked him for a long time now... I just didn't want to say anything because I thought you liked him too.

ECB: Way to tell and not show.  Why not just spell out exactly what's going to happen in your fic, in case some drooling tree stump hasn't figured it out already?

And... also. you're like his fiancé and everything too, right?"

ECB: Now we bring in the ' to fiancée, not to mention bad spelling?  Fuck, at least be consistant in your mistakes. Oh, and when did Ukyou start speaking like a valley girl?

I stared at Ukyo's pretty face. She was actually being serious.

ECB: Wonderful observation, Akane.  Right up there in the annals of bloody obvious statements.

- Hmm... I guess they do hang around with each other a lot, and they ARE really good friends. I should've known... -

"Nope, I can't even stand him! I should be saying arrigatou to you for taking him.

ECB:  Why are you using one random word of Japanese?  Is a simple thank you too good for you?

And... I don't EVER plan to marry him ever.

ECB: How about a sentence without ever in it twice?  No, words don't look better in matching sets.

My father is just not being sensible right now, but I'm sure the engagement isn't going to last much longer."

"Hehe all right, well I gotta go to my first period class now. I guess I'll talk to you later than. See ya!"

ECB: Dialogue, I'm sorry!  I'm sorry you have to be subjected to this!  Please, blame the author and not yourself!

"Bye Ukyo."

ECB: Bye, Ukyou?  Comma, where forth art thou?  Your presence is so needed.

I suddenly saw a short braid. Ranma's braid.

ECB: Back to small sentences, are we?  At least you're back on your level, dickweed.

I glanced over at him... hmmm... Ukyo's right. Ranma is somewhat. cute.

ECB: Could someone take away this author's period key?  This is fucking overkill, I counted nine periods in that sentence.  Please, please don't abuse that poor key anymore and do something constructive instead.  Like mounting a skunk.

-Whoa there... Did I just say Ranma was cute? Hmm... well I guess he sort of is. Hmph, but that's all he's got going for him, that jerk... -

~*~*~

Well sorry chapter short.

ECB: Thank everything above and below for that.  Oh, and can't you get even a sentence this short right?  How about...Well sorry, but this chapter is short instead of the dickhole drivel you wrote?

Please R&R! I'll try to put up more soon. Toodles * waves **

ECB: Don't post any more, just drop your keyboard.

Well, this was painful.  This is an F, in case it wasn't clear.  To sum up my thoughts on this-Go fuck a donkey and stop writing.

[thepanda]

Heh, you didn't even note the way the author started the third chapter. To quote:

**Umm . the story might not make sense but in the end of the chapter, I will explain ^^ Oh! And thank you to everyone that reviewed! ^______^

[ I'm not gonna edit by the way, so don't hate if I have a lot of mistakes ^^() ]**

God, the hurting doesn't stop!

[Anastasia]

Yeah, but the first chapter was more than enough to deal with that.  

I do think the authoress should be at the front of the Bleach Slurpee line, though.

[Anastasia]

Oooh, I got a comment back on ffnet from this girl.  

-WHOEVER THAT "DUNEFAR" person is.. i say... GO TO HELL!! DAMN u don't have to be so mean... !! It's not like this is a damn paper i have to turn in, and i have to edit it or anything. If you think I can't write and don't use punctuation right and all that other BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH then go away already!

~To everybody else~
Sorry.. that was my mean side ^^-;; But if you don't like the story and think i REALLY lack editing skills ( Gomen, i don't edit at all -.-;; ), well then you can flame. Yes, flames are welcome! But not HARSH flames that say all this BLEEP BLEEP BLEEP BLEEP. A simple .. please edit or i think the story needs work will do just fineeee :)-

I'll post my retort shortly. ^_^

[Anastasia]

She managed to piss the living hell out of me with her 'It's not like this is a damn paper i have to turn in, and i have to edit it or anything.' line.  That attitude should be grounds for the removal of her from fanfiction net and from life itself.

-WHOEVER THAT "DUNEFAR" person is.. i say... GO TO HELL!!

ECB: That's it?  God, you suck at both writing and flaming.  Couldn't you piece together a halfway passable insult? Instead, you just splatter out a weak and overused expression. What fear this invokes, what terror! Fear the shitty retort!  

ECB: Or, perhaps you meant for the CAPITAL letters to strike dread into my heart? Your comments are obviously so weak that you have to use the pathetic online equivalent of shouting to back up what drivel you spew forth.

DAMN u don't have to be so mean... !!

ECB: Actually, yes I do.  I flame idiots and writers who show a blatant disregard for any sort of quality in their work.  I reckon you fall under both categories.  Your works speaks for itself in the quality category, and your wretched attempt at a rebuttal proves that you possess prime idiocy.

It's not like this is a damn paper i have to turn in, and i have to edit it or anything.

ECB: That, you bitch, is truly one of the most disgusting attitudes I have ever seen in an author.  You sicken me with your disregard for the state of your writing. An author who cannot or will not care for her writing enough to work out any errors is nothing more that a fool that uses her keyboard for a drool collector and her brain for a paperweight. You have just proven yourself to be nothing more than a festering sore on the ass of fanfiction.

If you think I can't write and don't use punctuation right and all that other BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH then go away already!

ECB: With the evidence you have vomited on to my screen, that is the only conclusion possible.
Do you only like spreading your poisonous stories when no one calls your shit for what it is? Does the act of someone calling you on it ruin your fun?

~To everybody else~
Sorry.. that was my mean side ^^-;;

ECB: Mean? I see your sense of nastiness is lacking along with your intelligence.  

But if you don't like the story and think i REALLY lack editing skills ( Gomen, i don't edit at all -.-;; ),well then you can flame. Yes, flames are welcome! But not HARSH flames that say all this BLEEP BLEEP BLEEP BLEEP. A simple .. please edit or i think the story needs work will do just fineeee :)

ECB: Can't take the heat? Cuntmobile, you are more than welcome to leave if you can't take any sort of critcism. If anything, the previous review pointed out numerous shortcomings in your little story.  If a good C and C of your story is too much for you, go back to the kitchen.

I could use a good sandwich, perhaps you will be better at putting meat and bread together than writing.  Truthfully, I don't see how you could be worse.

The story, as we say, blows balls.- Dunefar, who is good enough to quote himself.