The ECB vs Mr. Hears with his eyes!

[Anastasia]

I'm posting this here today and at ffnet tomorrow.  Blame the fucked up school computers.  

Thanks to Figment for helping correct this, his help was quite useful.

It is a cold, windswept day here at TCC, a good backdrop to today's session of the Evil Commentary Bureau.  Today's target is Our Little Problem by Yuki Hibiki.  As is the ECB tradition, this fanfiction will be judged fairly and without reserve based on its own merits. The author is allowed one rebuttal, this may be emailed to dunefar@hotmail.com.  Due to time constraints, our reviewers can only spare one response per ECB.

This ECB and all others may be found at dracos.anifics.com.  If you like, come by and drop us a line.

Now, on with today's ECB, The ECB vs Mr. Hears with his eyes!

Title: Our Little Problem

ECB: Okay, your title is clearly stated at the beginning. This is a good thing.

Summery: what if Ranma and Ryoga got so drunk that they when they woke up the next morning Ranma couldn't change back into a guy.

ECB: I should know better than to let a decently stated title raise my hopes. First off, it's summary, not summery. Secondly, you did not even bother to capitalize your sentence. Thirdly, you have a grammatical tangle of disgusting proportions in the middle of your sentence. '....that they when they' is one too many theys. Fourthly, I now want to poke my eyes out with a paperclip after reading that writing disaster.

ECB: In the make sense department, how would Ranma getting drunk seal his curse? WOW! The curse gets stuck with a few drinks! The mighty and ancient magic of Jusenkyou falls victim to a few cups of sake!

Thou hast done well in FAILING MAKE SENSE BEFORE YOUR FIC STARTS, ASSMONKEY!

*-* this is the Disclaimer that's right the disclaimer.

ECB: I mourn for the capital letter; you have manhandled it to hell. It should be This and disclaimer, not the other way around. On another note, you are not acquainted with the comma, are you?

(Sorry been listening to the Offspring to much { ah I love' em} )

ECB: Wow, what an uninteresting and pointless little fragment to tack on. Will this set the tone for the fanfiction?

N one of the Ranma ½ Characters belong to me they belong to Rumiko Takahashi who also did Inu Yasha

ECB: Well, after seeing your first posting of this, I should be ecstatic that this is only spacing error thus far. Also, you again show your total failure to comprehend anything of the comma variety. Run on sentences are bad, mmmkay?

ECB: Anyway, I think you have the meat of your disclaimer somewhere in this morass. You got the name right, which is nice. Although, I have no idea why you mentioned Inu Yasha...Unless you plan to cross it over? For the love of God, isn't it bad enough to assrape Ranma? Do you have to go after Inu Yasha too?

(that's for you Y and Cynthia I know how much you love that manga)

ECB: Damn, two off topic, irrelevant comments in two sentences. I am awed by your ability to write about anything BUT YOUR FUCKING STORY! Of course, this may not be a bad thing in your case. Oh, and assclown, you forgot another period.

and Beautiful Dreamer, nor have I any right to write this but I couldn't help it so please don't sue 'cause all you'll get out I me is one lousy dime and even then you'll have to strip search me and tear up my floor boards.

ECB: Ahem...GAH! PERIODS! COMMAS! SEMI COLONS! USE THEM! For all the devils below and angels above, use them! Can't you even properly divide your pointless ramblings with the correct grammar?

This is my first fanfic that I've started and not deleted a day later. (I've done that about 10 times)

ECB: I suppose the idiot failsafe had to fizzle sooner or later.

Hopefully I'll keep this one going 'cause I really hate it when authors stop writing ff just when it gets to the good parts,

ECB: Class, let us review the basics of writing. Do not use lazy, crappy looking half words and abbreviations. Is it that much harder for you to type out because and a fanfic instead of dribbles?

that is of course unless I get lots of hate mail threatening to have me chopped into lots of little pieces and stuffed in my walls if I keep writing but I hope that won't happen.

ECB: I think this statement speaks for itself.

Sorry about my spelling and m English is my first language.

ECB: I do have to wonder what that m means, just standing there by itself. Oh, pity the stranded m, it has a hard lot. Oh, and this statement says: I suck, and I'm telling you ahead of time! I couldn't spell if I ejaculated a dictionary and ate it!

(I have been asked what my fIrst language is before so don't even think about asking me why that's there)

ECB: I was wondering when one of your talents would show. You obviously have an amazing talent at stating the plainly evident.

I'm just a really bad speller that should be sent back to the basics.

ECB: Amen. If you realize this, then why are you even writing a fanfiction? Or, failing that, why aren't you using a spellchecker? That marvelous thing might just help you write better. Well, probably not, but it would make your bile more coherent.

It is a dog. It is a cat.

ECB: *Claps* You may now go to the second grade.

Did I also mention that their will be major OOC's

ECB: This is not a good thing. OOC is like the drug of fanfiction, and you're whoring out your story for it.

and Yoai (well not so major in this bit)?

ECB: Yaoi. Fuck, if you are going to write it, spell it right.

Well if I didn't before I just did then so. ..ha.

ECB: Congratulations! You are the first author I've ever had the honor of reviewing that can't type an ellipsis out right. FAIL! You've just failed any chance of having good grammar in the remainder of this fanfiction.

You have been warned so don't go ripping your hair out cause of it.

ECB: Because. Don't go bastardizing your words, now.

There's only going to be kissing but no description of any and if any bed scenes cause it would warp my small animal like brain to write it.

ECB: *Blinks*

Care saying that again with a dose of make sense added to it? I think you said something about there being no descriptions, but your hideous grammar and sentence structure made it impossible to tell.

And if I use a word that you don't understand that will be because I'm from Good 01 Aussie Down Under (if you E-Mail me I'll tell you what the words mean that you don't understand).

ECB: Uh huh. Why not use normal English instead of weak slang?

I know, let's throw in lots of Australian slang to distract the reader from how cock suckingly bad my story is!-Yuki Hibiki

And I don't have a pet Kangaroo but I have 4 hamsters is that good enough for you.

ECB: I'm speechless with how profoundly fucked up this sentence is. Right off the bat, I noticed that it should be two sentences, like so.

And I don't have a pet Kangaroo but I have four hamsters. Is that good enough for you?

Don't splice a question onto the end of a statement; it is the mark of a writer who uses his keyboard as a drool collector instead of a writing instrument. Also, WHAT IS THE FUCKING POINT OF THIS SENTENCE? It's pointless, needless and just taking up white space for no good reason. We are here to read a story, not filler bullshit that you masturbated onto the screen.

They are kind of like kangaroos well babies anyway.

ECB: Once again, you stun me with your neglect of the comma.

I think.

ECB: Hell, you fooled me. I have you pegged as a babbling pigeon, not a thinking organism.

Well I've prattled on enough so let's get on with the story.

ECB: Thank the Lord. This extended disclaimer has been more noxious than most stories by itself. You should be proud, not many people can spew up this level of pure catshit before getting to the story.

Oh, and I'm still wondering why you continue to show a blatant disregard for the comma.

Oh yeah PLEASE READ THE DISCLAMIER. OR I'LL HUNT TO DOWN AND KILL YOU IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT. (Ha I'm turning into Neko-Chan). *-*

ECB: Sometimes pure idiocy must remain uncommented on, as a monument to human failure. Enjoy.

, , = Speaking

ECB: THAT'S IT! You've been stealing all your commas and using them as quotation marks! It all makes sense in your twisted little world!

And you've just failed grammar twice before the fanfiction even starts.

Oh, and I'm not even going to wonder why you have speaking capitalized and thoughts in lowercase.

< > = thoughts

ECB: Duly noted.

~ = flashbacks (they'll come in later) 'Hey Ryoga, do wanna do something fun?' Ranma broke the long silence that had lasted for 15 minutes on the Tendo dojo.

ECB: Well, that's your second glaring spacing fuckup. Did you even bother to reread this after you spaced it, or did you just pray it worked out right? Asswipe. Anyway, what a great way to set a scene with no damn details. We know it is the Tendou dojo and that Ranma and Ryouga are there, but what beyond that?

'Sure like what?' Ryoga replied not even listening.

ECB: Comma, comma, where forth art thou?

He was still off in his own little Ryoga-vision. (Just so you know that's when his thinking about Akane.) ,

ECB: Okaaaaayyyyy. Now we are making up terms for your story because you are too goddamn slug like to write a description? Bloody fuck, why not sum up your story in ten or so code words and tell it that way? It would be a mercy on us all, I think.

I don't know maybe we could go to a bar or something. '

ECB: Can't even use your mutated quotation marks right, can you? On the other shit filled hand, your dialogue blows donkey balls. How about some dialogue with life to it, not just cookie cutter garbage that a third grader could fart out?

Ranma said getting exciting about a new idea that had just popped into his head.

ECB: Let me have a new idea out of the blue! Fuck OOC and believability, I'll just do it! It's not like I have to make sense or be remotely consistent with the source material! - Yuki Hibiki

You couldn't build anything beyond Ranma just thinking up something OOC to do?

'Ranma I don't like drinking and ether do you. If Akane. ..,

ECB: Way to speak for Ranma, Ryouga! Did you take the spelling and grammar out of this sentence too, Ryouga?

'Oh Akane will never catch us and how do you know that you don't like drinking you've never even tried it.' Ranma said and after a few well placed words concerning a little pet pig and a big secret Ranma and Ryoga were of to the local bar to have some fun.

ECB: YOU CUMSLURPER! You can't even bother to write out how Ranma talks Ryouga into going with is crazy idea, can you? Fucking hell, let's turn this already rancid prose into a summary! Why write a story when you display such talent at slobbering out synapses of your 'l33t' stories?

Once they got there they walked into a bar it became silent.

ECB: Why? Do their elite fighting skills somehow evident themselves? Is the appearance of two more people in a bar that big an event to cause total silence? No, I think you ripped a trite stereotype from a spaghetti western and stuck it in here to try and look 'cool'. Congratulations on once again fucking up your story.

You would be able to hear a pin drop.

ECB: Yay for using old, dry and weak turns of phrase! I gag on the lifelessness of your writing, it is a desert of dried, fried manure.

'Well this sure was a good idea Ranma. I'm really having fun.' Ryoga mumbled

ECB: It's not my fault you suck. - Gabriel

'Care to say that again pig boy.

ECB: Question mark and comma, next on Missing Punctuation! Also with a guest appearance by Boring Dialogue!

Just wait till the fun begins then you'll be sorry you ever doubted me' Ranma replied hotly.
This was not what he was

ECB: What a great way to further mess up your story! Random spacing errors couldn't possibly hurt the readability of your story, could they?

expecting. Soon after they walked in and had a seat everyone started chatting again for playing pool.

ECB: For playing pool? Sad, just sad.

'What'll be boys? How about a coke?' the bartender

ECB: Okay, not terrible so far...I dread the second half of the sentence...

called Joe who was very good looking and young,(that's for you Stephanie) said.

ECB: ...Where you promptly destroy your story by shooting the fourth wall down. You've just earned your F in your storytelling.

Thinking they would get the drift and leave.

ECB: Heaven help me, it's another sentence fragment! Connect your sentences together, retard.

'N o Ranma said knowing what Joe had just implied.

ECB: No, I'll just have extra spaces in my words.

I'll have a Bricardi Breeza and my friend will have a 1 Soh of Sake. '

ECB: Bacardi. I have never even heard of a drink called Breeza, but what the hell. It's not that important, and I doubt a made up drink will hurt your story any more than it already has been. Also, if Ranma is unaware of drinking, how the FUCK would he know what sort of drinks to order?

To adequately express my response to this sentence, I would need to carve a *Rolls eyes* onto the face of the moon.-Mookie

It had taken him a long time to coax Ryoga to have some fun and it wasn't about to be spoiled by some bartender.

ECB: Just...no...

'Sorry kid I don't sell those drinks to minors.'

ECB: Comma paging idiot, comma paging idiot!

Joe was getting really angry at this kid. He just waltzed in here expecting to be served alcohol; well he had another thing coming. Just then he heard a chair scrape across the floor and the next thing he knew was he was being dragged along the bar table to about 5 cm away from cold angry brown eyes.

ECB: How predictable. I know, let's have Ryouga force the bartender to serve him! It'll make him look like such a badass! Care to move beyond this level of waste?

'Listen here you. I'm not in the mood to fight with anyone ok?

ECB: Same old song and dance, you forgot your commas. Pathetic.

So just get the drinks or I'll be forced to do something I might regret later'

ECB: Ryouga already has lots to regret in the first place, being in this fanfiction does that.

Ryoga then proceeded to demonstrate his Bakusai Tenketsu technique on the nearest table.

ECB: Again with the shitty summaries. Is fleshing out the scene too much work for you pissant brain?

'Next time that won't be a table. Understand? Now go.'

ECB: "I'm Ryouga and I'm...I'm a victim of bad writing."

Ryoga released Joe and sat back down on his seat. 'Wow Ryoga I never knew you could be so aggressive to someone like that, besides to me.' Ranma was in shock. A little while later Joe came back with

ECB: What to harp on; your lack of proper grammar, your weak and lifeless prose or your spacing fuckup? I'll just settle for this.

*Stabs the author in the neck with a screwdriver*

their orders and then went to serve two more other people that had just walked in although he kept turning behind him just in case Ryoga did feel like fighting that night.

ECB: Now this is a clusterfuck of a statement. Don't make run on sentences. Don't make stupid grammar errors. Don't use extra words that just weigh down your writing. Hell, just don't write, period.

After about 4 hours of drinking both Ranma and Ryoga were drunk as a skunk and almost ready to pass out.

ECB: GRIPPING! Your awesome descriptions of what happened and your blazing prose light up the monitor!

No.

They then paid their bills and went back to the dojo. As they were walking it started to rain and they both became soaking in a matter of minutes. As Ranma-Chan stumbled down the street with a sopping wet black pig in her hands she started to wonder how big her hangover would be tomorrow.

ECB: Should I be annoyed that the author saw fit only to provide a rough outline of what happens and choke the reader's thirsty soul out? Or should I be happy that it's all the less of this written diarrhea?

Once they got to the dojo Ranma-Chan snuck into the house and got a kettle from the kitchen and boiled some water.

ECB: And and and and and! Stop raping and, damnit, and use some other connecting words!

He knew he couldn't go up stairs smelling of alcohol and Akane would not like her little pet pig to smell like sake.

ECB: Marvelous grasp of the obvious, Ranma.

Once the water had boiled he took it off the stove and went back outside to the dojo where he had put Ryoga before heading inside to get the hot water.

ECB: You know, that sentence could stand to lose a few words.

Few words=the second part of the sentence.

Once he got there he saw a little black pig launch itself at the kettle. It was knocked down from Ranma-Chan hands and onto the little pig and the floor. The next few hours were a blur as Ranma-Chan tried to get to sleep.

ECB: Whatever.

It was about 5 and before she family managed to fall asleep.

ECB: Dipshit, it should be finally, not family.

Ranma and Ryoga woke to the sounds of wailing and carryings on from the house. Amidst the yelling could be herd the words that sounded something like 'Nihao', 'that hussy', 'where is he', 'oh Shampoo' and many, many more.

ECB:

Attention: Yuki Hibiki

Subject: You fanfiction sucks, as does your grammar, not to mention your tepid, predictable characters.

Message: Go fuck a donkey.

But of above all they could hear Akane 'where is that baka just wait til I get my hands on him. What did he do with P-Chan. ,

ECB: WHY?! Why does this bit need to be here?

It's Because the AUTHOR IS A FUCKING MORON WHO IS RANTING ON HIS PREFERENCES IN THE FIC! -Kind Fearless Leader

Thank you for that breath of fresh intelligence, KFL.

At that last comment Ryoga woke up fully and noticed that he had no clothes on, looking around he didn't even know how he got here.

ECB: Ah, the classical morning after reactions. How...trite and predictable.

'Where am I now?' were the first words to come out of his mouth before he was whacked on the head by Ranma as she bolted out the door to find the bathroom.

ECB: I'd love to know how exactly Ranma-CHAN whacked Ryouga on the head.

Ryoga then very slowly pulled some of his clothes out of hammer space and got dressed very slowly because he was becoming aware that he had a massive headache.

ECB: Hammer Space! For when the author can't think of anything good and falls back on fanon! Get yours NOW! It only costs all the goodness in your story!

What happened next felt like it could have killed him.

ECB: Yeah, that is how I would feel if I was in this fanfiction. Be brave, Ryouga, it is nearly over.

It had come from the bathroom where Ranma-Chan had just ran to. A high girly pitched scream emitted out of the house and filled the streets so no ones eyes were safe from this horrible sound.

ECB: Eyes? EYES?? You do NOT HEAR WITH YOUR EYES, FUCKFACE! Welcome our target of the week, Mr. Hears with his eyes!

'AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH'

ECB: Go exaggerated words, go!

TBC Soh 1 = It is what they measure sake in I think, it would be about one litre (I think that's how you spell it.)

ECB: *Shakes head* Would it not have been far simpler and better to just avoid the contrivance of using Soh to begin with? How about just saying that Ryouga got a bottle of sake instead?

*-* Don't ya just hate it when people do that? Stop it at a good part (well I think it is) and make it rally short.

ECB: Yes, actually. When a good fanfiction does, at any rate, I wait with bated breath for the next installment.

I've already exhaled for this fanfiction.

That would be' cause my small animal brain it getting tired.

ECB: It's sad when the line is so insulting to the author that it doesn't need to be ECBed.

The chapters will get longer. (1 think) even if it' s only a page longer.

ECB: The tragedy is spoken, the threat looms large. Prevent the continuation of this story by SHOOTING THE AUTHOR IN HIS IDIOT HEAD!

Well what do you think eh? Good, bad, don't know what the hell came over me?

ECB: The latter.

Just tell me and I will stop this story at anytime it's up to the readers. Please read and review I know I do so you should too. I don't mind getting flamed. It's good for my health but praise and good comments always help to so don't think I need any special treatment in the flames area. E-Mail what you think at: kute_kitty_kat2000@hotmail.com *-*

ECB: Well, the grade for this fanfiction is roaringly obvious. With grammar suiting an elementary school student, spelling that doubles as rat poison, and a plot that is lacking in every department, this fanfiction earns an F.