Evil Commentary Bureau vs Too Much Bad Rape

[Dracos]

RAWR!

Evil Commentary Bureau versus Too Much Bad Rape

Dracos


Edit: updated URL

[Edward]

>ECB: HORROR!  SHOCK AND HORROR!  Akane is hurt!  Sorry, with this
>lead in I find this more comical then 'sad'.

Should be 'than', not 'then'.

>ECB: I sense melodrama!

Heh.  I also don't sense any commas in the guy's sentence.  Or most fo the other places he needs them.

>he rolled over anime style

What on earth does the author mean by that?

>ECB: Why is Ukyou suddenly bringing over an okonomiyaki anyway?

And how come she carried it on a plate all the way from her restaurant?

>ECB: What is this mess?

And why does the author end each of Kasumi's sentences with an exclamation point.  It's not like she has anything to be excited about.

>He didn't answer he just shoved it aside and moved his head to the roof.

Moved his head to the roof?  Did Ranma just tear his own head off and throw it through the ceiling?

>with a frown on her face she inched closer to his.

As she inched closer to his what?

>Shampoo looked at the outside and sighed aloud unhappily.

Looked at the outside of what?

>she raised her fist into a fighting stance.

Fist into a fighting stance?  What about the rest of her?

>hypnotic red scarlet eyes.

Red scarlet?

>He armed her head

What?

>difficult then the dozens of non-drunk atheletes

'athletes'

>proved successful to pin her to the floor

The floor?  Outdoors?

This author shouldn't write fight scenes, either.  Or anything, really.

>She called Dr. Tofu and asked to go over by him for
>the night

I hope English is not this author's first language.

>Shampoo looked at her woman

This Shampoo is a lesbian?

> with a smile that would make Satan himself shutter.

Or perhaps shudder?

>Cologne intervened "NO CHILD! FIGHT HER NOT!"

Since when is Cologne channeling a small green muppet with a lightsaber?

> pointing her Katana at Cologne. Cologne fell to the floor

Cologne fell down because someone pointed a katana at her?

>ECB: Yay, random naming!

Especially since the idiot just gave a Japanese name to a Chinese character.

[Dracos]

Thanks Edward.  As I may have mentioned, this is getting rewritten before posting it to the person in question and an updated version will go here.

As soon as I find the time X_X.

Dracos

[Dracos]

Updated version.  Fixed it up quite a bit.  Thanks to Edward and KLsymph and Rakhal for some suggestions and fix areas ^_^

Dracos

[DB]

Updated version.  Fixed it up quite a bit.  Thanks to Edward and KLsymph and Rakhal for some suggestions and fix areas ^_^

Dracos

% yep. This version reads a lot better and has more character this time around. More of the quality ECB I've come to know and respect.

DB