[Ranma 1/2] Dreams of the Earthbound

[Brian]

Dream of the Earthbound, AKA, the Tales of Shampoo, Most Beloved Of The Universe.

First off, everything else aside, I'm going to admit that I unabashedly, wholeheartedly loathe this fic.  While I am writing this review, I think that it is insufficient to actually convey the true depths of how much this fic disgusts me.  The worst part about it?  I wanted to like it.  I really, really wanted to like it.

As it is, the fic insults me, and I'm ashamed to be associated with it -- apparently a fic I wrote (I deleted this fic, the stigma was so great) inspired some part of it, and that just makes me physically ill.  I asked Aon to remove my name from his fic, because I wanted to avoid any association with it, and while he said he would do so, he hasn't.  So I hope this review shows everyone what I think about that.  In fact, this fic alone is the only reason Aon's not on my Favorite Author's list -- I'd be mortified if people thought I endorsed this travesty of inadvertent and wanton bashing.

But I digress.  On with the unintentional Shampoo-bash that this fic is.

Dream of the Earthbound is the story of Shampoo deciding that the entire universe should reorder itself to suit her goals, and the universe complying.  Essentially, the story starts out with Aon telling us that Amazon Law is much cooler than canon has led us to believe, and she can change her curse.  So she decided to be a falcon instead of a cat.  Why she didn't do this any of the times she's been back to China in canon is anyone's guess.

Anyway, she comes back from China with SoD Falcon water, and tells Ranma how much happier he would be with it.  And then she feeds him some outright lies to try and sway him.  But that's okay, because Shampoo is the most awesome character ever, and outright lying to Ranma to manipulate him is OKAY.

By the end of the first chapter, the author has dueled, and slain, his eternal enemy.  That enemy being Dramatic Tension.  So when the first chapter ends, you know that this is going to be a Ranma and Shampoo matchup fic.  The extra chapters are just spacing so that he can go on about how cool his Amazons are by destroying canon and replacing it with fanon.  Example: The 'must kill outsider who defeats you' rule?  All a lie.

How a fan can justify destroying Shampoo's greatest strength (she goes against the law for Ranma's sake) and then think that it makes her look good to say, "Oh, that's just a lie.  I tell lots of those.  I'd never really kill you.  Tee-hee!" is beyond me.  But it's done, and we're supposed to turn off our higher brain functions and buy it.  Talk about contrived.

Still, it manages to get worse.  The fic also establishes that Shampoo is superior to Ranma in every way.  She lets him win competitions between the two of them.  She makes choices for him, while threatening Nabiki's life for doing the exact same things.  She knows how to deal with his mother, when Ranma doesn't.  She even trains him to be a better martial artist (the author is quick to stab Dramatic Tension when it tries to revive -- the new martial art is there just so that Ranma and Shampoo have an excuse to practice together.  It accomplishes absolutely nothing else).

The Shampoo worship gets extreme enough that even die-hard Shampoo fans like Intrasonic tell Aon he should tone it down.  But Aon ignores that advice, just like he ignored all of mine that didn't suit him, and the advice of ... absolutely every other reviewer who he asked for commentary (with a single exception, who I feel was just trying to be nice to make up for the honesty everyone else was subjecting him to), now that I think about it.

Anyway.  Shampoo is the most perfect character ever, and that's pretty much what the story is about.  But wait, you ask.  What about the other characters?

Well, they're not really full characters.  Ranma is portrayed as being extra stupid, and afraid of girls (and physical intimacy), so that Shampoo can teach him and help him overcome his shortcomings.  So she can craft him into a better trophy, apparently -- since she's so much better than him, it's difficult to understand why she wants to be with him.  She wants to change him too much for it to be love, so I guess she just thinks he'd make an ideal sperm-donor.  Another quick digression: This story is about as subtle, and also exactly as romantic, as a sledgehammer.

This is, admittedly, a flaw of pretty much every single Ranma and Shampoo matchup I've read, though.  Ranma is reduced to being a prize for Shampoo.  Why Shampoo fans think this is cool is beyond me, but whatever.

Ukyou is mentally retarded, and does some really stupid things to establish that she's not going to end up with Ranma.  For example, when Shampoo tells her, "I will marry Ranma within one year by his laws."  Ukyou does the most intelligent thing she can think of in response: She backs off, and tries to be Ranma's friend.  Obviously, with Shampoo going for Ranma full-force, the most intelligent course of action is to do absolutely nothing.  Aon's tried to justify this by saying that in his other fic, Nocturne, this was the right thing for Ukyou to do to end up with Ranma.  I'm not sure how he can remember his own fic so poorly that he didn't remember that Ukyou was WRONG TO BACK OFF in that fic.  In fact, it was the pivitol plot-point that allowed her to get together with Ranma, by finding out, oh, she really did have a chance.  But it doesn't matter.  She does make sure to invalidate herself.

Why?  Because Shampoo is the most beloved of the entire universe.  Every single character in this fic, regardless of if they realize it or not, is fighting to get Ranma and Shampoo together.

Nabiki is out-of-character evil, though every single one of her schemes does absolutely nothing except push Ranma and Akane further apart, or Ranma and Shampoo closer together.  No explanation is ever given for why Nabiki is evil, but it's convenient to the matchup for her to be so, so ... she is.  And Nabiki is not allowed to outright lie to Ranma to manipulate him -- that's evil, and must be met with threats of death from not only Shampoo, but Cologne.

Akane is out-of-character spiteful, and theoretically has a drive to 'become a true martial artist'.  Aon has taken some very liberal interpretations of canon regarding her established feelings, and Ranma's, too.  So she makes a choice between learning actual martial arts (don't worry!  Dramatic Tension is quickly slain here, too -- she's told up front that she'll never, ever, no matter what, manage to be as good as Ranma.  Or Shampoo), or being with Ranma.  So she chooses to be an inferior martial artist (still), over Ranma.  Hooray for progress.

Nodoka is maliciously shallow, and does one of the worst things I have ever seen any character do in any fanfic that didn't involve murder.  She gives Ranma a bunch of sabotaged condoms in the hopes that he will spawn grandchildren for her.  Yes, Aon.  Thank you, I think you've established quite well that not only is Shampoo the only viable matchup for Ranma, she's also the only girl on the entire planet capable of caring what he thinks (aside from Cologne, that good natured woman).  Of course, Nodoka is also there to bash Akane by telling her she's not good enough for Ranma, and to give Ukyou a chance to (needlessly) make herself look even worse.

Genma's role is to be a jerk and push Ranma further away from his family, so that Shampoo can tell Ranma how Anything Goes is not that great.  Why Aon wants to make Ranma be an entirely different and totally non-Ranma character?  I guess so Shampoo can get what she wants.  I mean, Ranma's already stopped Ranma once he chooses 'being cursed as a falcon to fly, because it's cool, even with the risk of seppuku' over 'being cured'.  But that's not enough, apparently.  Shampoo's got to make him be an entirely different character.

Worse, the Amazon Laws that Aon sets down?  Shampoo and Cologne regularly break them!  And they explain that Mousse is permitted to be around, and with the same mouths, claim that Ranma would be respected in their villages.  Try to figure that one out, because I sure couldn't.

After that, there's some weak storyline showing Genma realizing that, well, Shampoo and the Amazons can't be beaten, so he'd better just cowtow to their whims like everyone else in the world has already figured out how to do.

Ultimately, this fic is character worship that got so out of hand it ended up reading (to me, a fan of Shampoo) as a bash.  Personally, I like her.  And I think she could win without the entire universe trying to help her.  And I think she could even win Ranma as, well, Ranma.  Not just some spineless brain dead toy.

I tried so hard to help Aon write a fic with likable characters, but he was dead-set on establishing his point of view.  All he managed to accomplish was to set me -- for life -- against accepting his interpretation of the Amazon Laws, because they needlessly cheapen Shampoo's greatest strength as a character.  What can you do when someone asks for your feedback, but really just wants your support?  I tried to lie and say I saw potential in Aon, but I think he peaked with Nocturne, and it's all going to be downhill from here.  Especially since another commenter's feedback convinced him to not even try again (that's right!  If at first you don't succeed ... just give up!).

Final score: good grammar.  Chapter one as a stand-alone fic is actually decent.  Technically, the author isn't finished.  But rest assured -- the story is over.  It ended in chapter one.  Reading beyond that just makes you feel sorry for Aon's 'villains', and hate his 'heroes'.  It is in my opinion the third worst Ranma fanfiction ever written (number one: Cats Have No Tears, number two: Can't Let Go), and the fifth worst fanfiction in general.  I give it a -9.5 of -10.  Avoid, ladies and gents.  Avoid, unless you want a reason to hate Shampoo, or you forgot how to feel sorry for Akane.

I could go on, because this doesn't, really, convey all of my hatred for this fic.  But I trust it will be enough.

[Edward]

Let me say that Aon, the author of Dreams of the Earthbound, is one of the nicest guys in the world of fanfic.  I don't know anyone who is encouraging as he is, and I really appreciated his support when Jessikai attempted to multinick troll me.

That's one reason I wanted to like this fic, and a strong one.

The fic also plays into my preferences - I like Shampoo better than Akane, Cologne better than Nabiki, Ranma better than Mousse.

That's the other reason I really wanted to like this fic.

Yet by the end of the first chapter, I, and every other person who I know commented on the fic before the chapter was released - was rooting for Mousse over Ranma in the rematch - and told this to the author.

Before long, I was rooting for Nabiki over Cologne - calling her the most heroic version of Nabiki I had ever seen.  Nabiki is the designated villian of the piece.

What finally made me stop was when I realized I was actively rooting for Akane to beat Shampoo, physically and romantically, in this fic.

Yeah.

This is where I want to say something nice and encouraging, since Aon is such an encouraging guy.

Instead, I have to say I agree with Brian on virtually every point.

[Anastasia]

Did this fic ever get any better? I'm not into fanfiction anymore, but I remember Aon being one of the good guys.

[Brian]

Nope!  This review/rant actually killed it, earning me the ire of brain-dead DotE fanboys from all across ff.net.

After this, Aon posted some Rosen Maiden fics he'd already written, then quietly never updated again.  Which is a pity; I imagine the review was soul-crushing to him, but despite that was hoping he would find the drive to improve....