Future Plans

[Corwin]

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Erin slept in her clothes and rose in the afternoon; the exertations of the prior day took a heavy toll, even though she came out with nary a scratch. It is good that she has a routine of which she barely needs to think; wash, get changed. Study. Breakfast. It is only now that she reaches the last part of her daily ritual, as she emerges alone from the boarding house in search of a suitable cafe.

Yomi is just outside, leaning against the wall by the entrance. Her wounds have yet to fully heal, even after Suzume's help and some proper rest, but at least they're not visible at a casual glance, beyond a slight paleness her face still carries. Noticing Erin as she leaves, Yomi dips her head in a nod of acknolwedgement.

Erin pauses in her step. Her eyes dart away from Yomi for a moment, but then she turns to face the girl.

She's able to smile a little before she speaks. "Did you want to join me for coffee? I suppose it's rather late to be calling it breakfast, or even brunch."

Yomi takes a moment of her own to consider, before shrugging and pushing off the wall casually. "Make it tea and I'll be there."

"There's surely somewhere that will accomodate the both of us," replies Erin, starting to walk down the street. "Vodka is tempting, but, well, it's a time for.. energy, I think."

"Haven't been drinking and don't plan on starting, either," Yomi mutters, matching pace with Erin. "It's... responsibility and escape, don't you think? A choice between the two? If I can't face my past, I can't possibly find the strength to move to the future."

"I think it's okay to escape for a moment," admits Erin. "It might be impossible to be strong all the time. We aren't really... so impassive that we don't have our moments of weakness. Are we? It's part of catharsis. It's just... we let it out in this way or that. That's fine."

"I'll decline all the same," Yomi says, switching to Japanese. "I wonder if you can understand what it's like. Being on the literal brink of death. Taking the life of another." She shakes her head. "I don't know if anyone else can relate."

"It's.. I don't know if it's the same. But I know that I make it possible for you to do those things," replies Erin, speaking up. "I always gave you the assurance you won't be struck down. I'm party to everything. And I've had the willingness to do it myself, if not the way. During, and afterwards, all that's left is.. emptiness. Not even true regrets. Just..."

"It's very easy, when you let yourself go and stop holding back," Yomi agrees, sighing. "But you're wrong about regret. I always thought that when people talked of shaking hands, of shivering and wanting to throw up, that it was just exaggeration. But when it was all finally over and we have no other enemies alive...."

"People aren't meant to kill each other. Our very bodies rebel against the idea. It takes a great will or fury to push that away," murmurs Erin.

"Do you know the story of the Christmas of 1914?"

"It's not celebrated that widely back in the home country, in 1914 or any other year."

"Ah, yes... well. How can I say it? It was during the Great War, in the European fronts. The fighting had always been fierce, but on that day, it just... stopped. There wasn't any order of truce, the soldiers just stopped fighting on both sides. Not a shot was fired for hours; they even met in the field, sung songs and shared bread, played some football. By any measure it was a miracle, wasn't it? For two enemies to just give it up, on such a scale!"

She sighs. "I loved this story. I thought it was- you know- a real miracle. I hated the officers who forced the war to start up again. But it always made me think, why do people try to hurt each other? Do they really want to? Of course not! They have to be compelled! Up until now, that's what I've always thought, that it's possible to work things out. I didn't get what could make people want to hurt others..."

"Some things are worth fighting for. Some wars are worth fighting in. That's what I've always been told. Humanity had to be protected from the demon threat, the earth cleansed from the taint of undeath. Maybe father was wrong, and there are human wars just like that, too." Yomi's lips quirk into a wry smile. "There's a concept in the West, of a just war. If what happens in Manchuko is the result of peace at all costs, is that really better over a decisive, just war to halt my homeland's expanses?"

"I don't know," admits Erin. "That is the hardest part for me, knowing what methods are appropriate. Right and wrong aren't as easily defined in reality as they are in a study."
"Surely, with magic, there can be a solution that works for everyone! That's what I thought.."

"That, at least, is something we both share in, Erin. I have dishonored my father, his teachings and his memory. I broke my sacred vows as an exorcist and a demon hunter. Beyond that, I lost control and took a life in anger. Several lives. Even helpless lives, as far as that extends to suicidal zealots who would never stop coming after us, given a chance. I've clearly crossed too many bridges to be in the right. So then, Erin, why are my powers still my own? How can there be anything left in me to bless my sword? To sense the taint of the demonic? How can I stray from the path so completely, and have it entirely not matter?"

"I used to forswear magic that could harm a person. But does it really matter if I electrocute someone myself, or empower you to attack them physically? Gather information so another can carry out the deed? The result is fundamentally the same. And it won't change me in itself, how I use it- at least, not in this world."

"See, it's not power that makes us right. Knowledge and ability is just something we learn. It doesn't make judgements for us, it doesn't matter if we learn it from an angel or a demon. It is up to us and us alone to decide how we use it and whether or not we are just in doing so. We always have a choice; whether to act this way, that way, or perhaps even to do nothing. We may well never know if we did the best thing."

"I don't know if that answer works for me. I can't do what I do without an absolute certainty. I need to know that I'm just, that I'm beyond reproach. I can't face evil with a resolve of trying to do my best." Suddenly looking worried, Yomi quickly adds, "I'm not trying to look down on it! It's just... different for me. I think I need time. I know you wanted to go to Poland, but... I don't know if I can. Not so soon."

"No, I think you have a point. I don't know if it's possible for me, but... in the moment of truth, we can't be held back by wondering if we're in the right or not," replies Erin. "Poland, it's not so easy for me. Acolytes aren't exactly my subordinates, but I'm still responsible for them. The ones there now, and the ones that vanished."

She grimaces. "I should tell Grace to pull them back, I.. it's.. to be honest, it didn't hit me as hard when she told me before," she admits. "Nadia was- well, she might be the first person really close to me that I've lost."

"It doesn't get any easier with time."

"I guess that just means you have to be able to bear it."

Yomi opts to nod, walking along in silence for a while.

"It's not something we can do a single thing about," she says all of a sudden. "People need to retreat and regroup sometimes. We need to do that. Take a step back. Take a lot of steps back. Have Elgin's successor come to us, rather than go after him. Buy us some time to really understand what it is that we should be doing, and how we should go about it. This uncertainty, the hesitation it brings... it's our real enemy right now, and we have to deal with it first. Don't you agree?"

"As we are, we're pretty useless, aren't we?" admits Erin. "If he was right before us now, there wouldn't be anything I could do. More than buying understanding, I think- we need to recuperate. Inside and out."

"After all this was over, I was thinking of going home. Seeing if I could find my sisters. Maybe this would be a good time. After all, there's a real chance the worst might happen to us, too. I don't want to leave something behind that I should've done."

"Family is important," Yomi agrees. "You shouldn't put this off, as long as there is a chance to patch things up."

"What about you?" asks Erin, walking past another cafe- it seems that actually stopping for tea has been long-forgotten. "If we had a week or two to spend without worrying about things, what would you do now?"

"I got Mei-neesan's fiance killed by ninja after they all plotted to kill me first. I think that path is well and truly lost to me," Yomi responds. "I think I've truly lost any family I still had. Unless you meant in general? I could travel again. I liked doing that very much, and I don't need to rush through it while trying to save Ranguren, either."

"It might be nice to travel somewhere for no reason other than to see it," agrees Erin. "Personally, I'd like to visit America one of these days..."

"I'd like to travel around the world," Yomi muses, raising her eyes up. "Fly through the clouds on a hot air balloon, see what lies on the surface of the oceans in some wondrous contraption. Do these crazy things only the rich and driven would try, just like in some novel. Maybe if I see the world I've been protecting all along, and see the people living in it normally, and not just while I'm saving them from demons? Meet regular people, rather than seek out the mages and the mystics and the nazis? Doesn't that have an appeal?"

"If you do it, be sure to take some friends with you! Travelling is best experienced with others." Erin chuckles, and grins up at Yomi. "But that really is quite a grand ambition. Is flying in a balloon or a submarine really a route to meeting normal people? That's a bit far from the local pub, you know."

"Not... not as such, no," Yomi stammers. "But if I fly across Africa, I will make stops, and then I'll still get to meet people. Maybe it's about indulging myself a bit as well, but that's not too wrong...."

"You could start right here! Or even back in London, hmm?" remarks Erin, taking a seat on a nearby bench.

"London is where everything really started for me," Yomi responds, stopping nearby. "My new life. Third try's the charm, as they say? So I still want to try and make it work. Since I'm treating it as my home, I should pick it as a starting point, since it'd also be where I'll end up returning in the end."

"It's where all your friends will be, as well," adds Erin, encouragingly. "That's pretty much where anyone would want their home, right?"

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