[Haruhi] K:BDH chapter 52

[Brian]

That 'and' should be 'any' -- thanks for catching the typo. ^_^;;

[Barricade]

*falls in from a portal linked to Spacebattles & FFnet*
Ow.

Well, Brian said to try here, as I seemed to win the 'PM lottery' - his words, not mine - over at FFNet and got his attention about his website is down, or at least the website TVTropes links/linked to that I've been reading the fanfic at. Once I get here, I'm nicely surprised by another chapter already being up and ready to read/review.  I think I spotted the Touhou cameo trope for this chapter in the first read through - but that's just a incidental view, rather then a true review.

The sound alerted both of the older girls, Haruhi turning to stare in surprise, and Tsuruya snickering-- Kanae just mumbled sleepily and shifted, pressing her face against Haruhi.

Something about this sentence seems to be off. I can't quite place it however, but I think there's a either a word missing before Haruhi turns, likely '...older girls, with Haruhi turning...', or it needs a different punctuation then a comma separating girls & Haruhi. Also you mixed tenses. Haruhi & Tsuruya's actions are in the present tense, while Kanae's was past-tense.

[Brian]

*falls in from a portal linked to Spacebattles & FFnet*
Ow.

Well, Brian said to try here, as I seemed to win the 'PM lottery' - his words, not mine - over at FFNet and got his attention about his website is down, or at least the website TVTropes links/linked to that I've been reading the fanfic at.

Sorry about the delay in replying.

I moved, and then, work was crazy. @_@

And, yeah, I had logged in to check an old PM on my account (and PMs must be enabled to read old PMs), which explains how you were able to contact me.  Those windows are very brief, so your timing was lucky. :)

The sound alerted both of the older girls, Haruhi turning to stare in surprise, and Tsuruya snickering-- Kanae just mumbled sleepily and shifted, pressing her face against Haruhi.

Something about this sentence seems to be off. I can't quite place it however, but I think there's a either a word missing before Haruhi turns, likely '...older girls, with Haruhi turning...', or it needs a different punctuation then a comma separating girls & Haruhi.  Also you mixed tenses. Haruhi & Tsuruya's actions are in the present tense, while Kanae's was past-tense.

Easily restated.  I'm not sure that tenses are a genuine issue (that should be past continuous, not perfect past), but I can change it anyway:

The sound alerted both of the older girls; Haruhi turned to stare in surprise, and Tsuruya snickered--  Kanae just mumbled sleepily and shifted, pressing her face against Haruhi.

Thanks for the feedback, and welcome to the forums! :D

[thedarkfreak]

That 'and' should be 'any' -- thanks for catching the typo. ^_^;;

Ah, ok.  That makes more sense.

Gave the chapter another read-through, don't think I've spotted anything others haven't.

It is both odd and amusing how Sasaki seems to be getting accustomed to being kidnapped.  Made me think of Mokuba in Yu-Gi-Oh Abridged.  "Ugh, who kidnapped me now?  Wait, it's season three, so it must be.... Noah!"  "This kidnapping sucks.  All my other kidnappers let me stay up late and gave me ice cream."

*Sasaki gets kidnapped again, points out to her captors that the most amusing part of her day will be timing how fast it takes Kyon to get to her*

[Korsar13]

Tsuruya was happy to run into Kyon, Kanae, and Haruhi, walking as a group up from the train station.

"Ya-hoo~!" she cheered, waving at the quartet

quartet? not trio?

[Brian]

Ah, right, Mikuru wasn't with them; she was with Tsuruya.

* Brian fixes.

[Specular]

It seems that I always arrive late these days :(

Commentaries and impressions about the current chapter:

Spoiler: ShowHide

"So, he was spotted on Monday night -- before he blew everything up by announcing the engagement -- having dinner with some uncle of his at a cafe downtown.

...

"Our sources say last Monday for you!" Haruhi exclaimed, shaking her head and crossing her arms over her chest.

Monday → Tuesday

Even though she'd been before, Haruhi had to admit that with Tsuruya's access, going to probably the most expensive and fanciest restaurant in the city was kind of fun.

How about "Even though she'd been there before" instead?

"And if you'd injured one of them, or even just caused enougn pain with pepper spray, they might have injured you in response," Mori added.

enougn → enough

Sasaki frowned. She didn't have any close friends at her new school -- not really.

Are Kyouko and Sasaki classmates in K:BDH? I ask this because I think that it would be nice if Sasaki has her as an "in-the-loop" classmate to avoid further feelings of alienation. Although, this helps to explain why Sasaki so readily accepted Haruhi's help.

"Here's your ultimatum, Kyon.  If you can't clean up your act -- by which I mean 90 or better on every test and assignment from this point forward, then I'm pulling you out of that trouble-making club and sending you straight back to cram school!
— Akane to Kyon in kbdh07, after he saved Kanae from a guy with a knife.

"No cram school today? You've been skipping quite a bit!"

...

Her mother turned to give her a cool, studying gaze, then nodded, her attention going back to the stove.
— Sasaki's mom to her daughter in kbdh52, after the latter was kidnapped by the Yakuza for the second time.

I see a pattern. By any chance, are Akane and Sasaki's mother good friends? Wait...

"Sasaki-chan's mother called me a few days ago, you know! So don't think I haven't been keeping my eyes open for such opportunities."

They probably are.

He caught a whiff of the scent of Mikuru's shampoo -- wait! Mikuru?!

Wait a minute, how did Kyon iden-? Doesn't matter.

"Nii-san?" his sister wondered, pausing from where she'd opened up Ryouko's box and collected the small interface.

No more "Kyon-kun" from Imouto? Nice.

"I couldn't find anything else out about Kunikida encountering family issues," Yanagimoto sighed. "Nothing he's mentioned at school, at least. We have his card, though?"

"Yeah," Haruhi allowed, biting back a sigh. "Well -- Monday's ... mostly free for me. We can check out where he goes. Hmm, I think Kanae-chan would be happier sitting that one out; those kinds of things scare her easily...."

It's just me or Haruhi intends to play the Amateur Sleuth for real this time by tracking down uncle Hiko? If so, she could call Sasaki in. I'm sure Kyon would feel a strange sense of foreboding from their mundane powers combined.

Haruhi grimaced. "The thought had crossed my mind," she allowed. "So ... I can't let that happen.

Missing quote symbol at the end.

"I won't ever turn my back on Tsuruya-hime," Kyon replied without hesitation, prompting the girl to blush as Kyon flinched, realizing who he had spoken to.

If this were a dating sim, I'm pretty sure that the variable assigned to Tsuruya's "love points" would have reached an arithmetic overflow just there.

Before I forget, Happy Birthday! (give or take 16 days, that's all I know).

[Brian]

It seems that I always arrive late these days :(

No problem -- thanks for the feedback in any case. :)

Spoiler: ShowHide

Monday ? Tuesday

Well, for me it was a typo, but for them ... it was a--

Ow!  Ow!  Sorry -- I'll stop! >_>;;

How about "Even though she'd been there before" instead?

Yeah, what I had was correct grammatically, but people seemed to get hung up on it. :\

enougn ? enough

Oop--  Thanks for the catch; if I don't reply to a correction from here on, it's because I used it. :)

Are Kyouko and Sasaki classmates in K:BDH? I ask this because I think that it would be nice if Sasaki has her as an "in-the-loop" classmate to avoid further feelings of alienation. Although, this helps to explain why Sasaki so readily accepted Haruhi's help.

Ah ... they should be, but I'm going to say that Kyouko goes to the same school as Kuyou.

....

I ... really want to find fanart of Kuyou in Kitago uniform now. o_o

I see a pattern. By any chance, are Akane and Sasaki's mother good friends? Wait...

"Sasaki-chan's mother called me a few days ago, you know! So don't think I haven't been keeping my eyes open for such opportunities."

They probably are.

Akane: "So ... I found out my son's involved in a Yakuza practice.  I suggest keeping a very close eye on Sasaki-chan--  Kids these days!"
Sasaki!Mom: "Yeah, my daughter's evidently some kind of reality warper, and is friends with a time traveler, and alien, and an esper!"
Akane: "...I'm so glad Kyon's not caught up in anything like that. O_O"

It's just me or Haruhi intends to play the Amateur Sleuth for real this time by tracking down uncle Hiko? If so, she could call Sasaki in. I'm sure Kyon would feel a strange sense of foreboding from their mundane powers combined.

Hmmm.  I hadn't thought of this, but....  Excuse me while I edit some notes for upcoming chapters.  >____>

If this were a dating sim, I'm pretty sure that the variable assigned to Tsuruya's "love points" would have reached an arithmetic overflow just there.

Tsuruya: "H-scene unlocked~!"
Kyon: "...oooh."
Haruhi: "HEY!"

Before I forget, Happy Birthday! (give or take 16 days, that's all I know).

Thanks. ^_^;;

My birthday was back on the 28th. :p

And thanks again for the feedback!

[Grahf]

Ah ... they should be, but I'm going to say that Kyouko goes to the same school as Kuyou.

....

I ... really want to find fanart of Kuyou in Kitago uniform now. o_o

None of those that I've found unfortunately, but have you seen some of the images on Puyo's Twitter account? There might be a couple of pictures there you'd really like.

https://twitter.com/#!/puyotopia/status/152739166571081730/photo/1

SUPER EDIT:

I found one. Sort of NSFW in the mildest way possible:

Spoiler: ShowHide

I know she probably didn't quite look like this when she smiled during her impromptu date with Kyon and Yuki, but still I thought this was cute:

[Specular]

I ... really want to find fanart of Kuyou in Kitago uniform now. o_o

Here you go. IIRC, this is from a doujinshi called "Cool Drive 3". Also, let's not underestimate the power of the Hare Hare Yukai.

Akane: "So ... I found out my son's involved in a Yakuza practice. I suggest keeping a very close eye on Sasaki-chan-- Kids these days!"
Sasaki!Mom: "Yeah, my daughter's evidently some kind of reality warper, and is friends with a time traveler, and alien, and an esper!"
Akane: "...I'm so glad Kyon's not caught up in anything like that. O_O"

:D  Now that I think about it, Kyon has a little of potential to be considered a veritable nightmare for the parents of Haruhi, Kanae and Sasaki. Let's put it from their PoV: your teenage daughter is obviously interested in a close male friend from her age, who happens to be a feared high-ranked yakuza with a fiancée and you daughter, as far as you can tell, seems to be oddly OK with that.

Thanks. ^_^;;

My birthday was back on the 28th. :p

I was late, yet again. Well, one could say it was "within parameters" at least.

None of those that I've found unfortunately, but have you seen some of the images on Puyo's Twitter account? There might be a couple of pictures there you'd really like.

Many of Puyo's illustrations posted in his twitter account are very nice. Some time ago I wrote a script just to track them down. Take a look.

[Brian]

Wau--  Those were all pretty nice. o_o

Inspiration gotten.  I may be hopelessly Kyon-biased ... but at least I seem to be doing this one story right!

Thanks for the images, guys.  I'll pass on the script and keep writing fanfic as long as you keep finding awesome pictures.  Deal? ;)

[alethiophile]

Every image of Kuyou I ever see still elicits this minor double take along the lines of wow, she has truly unreasonable amounts of hair.

[Specular]

Thanks for the images, guys.  I'll pass on the script and keep writing fanfic as long as you keep finding awesome pictures.  Deal? ;)

Taking that at face value and on the topic of Kuyou, from the top my head I would choose "older-looking", "wearing a furisode", "with Taniguchi" and "chibi mode". Bonus: "Chibi division".

From Puyo's twitter account, my favourite pictures would be Sasaki, Yuki, Kanae.

Every image of Kuyou I ever see still elicits this minor double take along the lines of wow, she has truly unreasonable amounts of hair.

In my case, the opposite holds true.