[Haruhi] K:BDH chapter 55

[Brian]

And on to chapter 55.  No witty comments. >.>

The title-pun may be unforgivably bad. <_<

[Guenther]

Interesting reveal on Wataru. So his behavior isn't as unreasonably angry as it appeared...

I'm a bit confused about the control that Kuyou has about the position that the sliders appear at. Can she redirect them to the spot in her shadow song that corresponds to where they were or would have appeared in the main reality, or to a location of her choice? The brigade seems to be very confident that Wataru will appear near to Yuki's apartment, instead of, for example, where Kanae is. But if Kuyou could just choose the point they appear at, why couldn't she dump their deathbots in a volcano? And the previous appearances near Kyon could be explained by Wataru first seeking out Kanae, and then Kyon, and he could appear on the other side of the earth if he felt like it. Maybe Kyon could mention why he doesn't worry about Wataru kidnapping Kanae?

Typos:

lowing

knowcked

Style nitpick:

Kyon wondered, looking at the tiny figure — currently in a small version of her school uniform and chewing on a cookie nearly as large as her torso, since Kuyou had offered it to her.

That reads as if the cookie is as large as her torso because Kuyou offered it to her, but presumably the cookies all have the same size and the torso size is a coincidence ;-)

[Specular]

Amazing chapter. Several times I ended engrossed by the narration and completely forgot that I was trying to revise the story.

Very thorough, I found very little to complain about and I suspect I would end retelling the chapter if I try to comment about every thing I noticed or consider interesting about it. Great job.

Spoiler: ShowHide

"...you're not the same as your other copies," Wataru grudgingly admitted, grimacing. "But is it a divergence in yourself, or something brought in line by your pets?"

"Not pets," Kuyou said quietly. "Symbiotic partnership. We share a barycentric orbit to preserve a harmonious balance of tidal forces. The network is too complex for you to percieve."

percieve → perceive

Also, it's interesting to notice how Wataru and Fujiwara consistently show their contempt for artificial humans. I would think that anyone in their place would think twice before calling entities as powerful as them something like "pet" or "doll". Then again, it's very unlikely that someone like Yuki or Kuyou would take badly whatever someone unimportant to them could said.

Spending time with Haruhi as a friend as all well and good, but getting her involved.... Well, she supposed that technically, Haruhi was _already_ involved, and part of the group that Sasaki hadn't been invited to join yet.

friend as all → friend was all
and part → as part (it makes sense in both ways, actually)

He somehow braced himself well enough to crouch and turn one shoulder to the thug, slamming the goon's solar plexus into his shoulder, still pulling the attacker's arm across his own body. Haruhi's mouth fell open in amazement as the Sumiyoshi-rengo man's breath was knowcked out of him with a pained grunt -- and Kyon _kept_ pulling him.

knowcked → knocked

Altair shifted in his grasp, emerging as a small bolt-cutter with a ratcheting grip.

I think the hyphen in "bolt-cutter" is unnecessary. Also, I have never seen a model of bolt cutter with ratchet action small enough to be stored in a pocket, but my knowledge on the subject is lacking at best.

Nodding decisively, she took Sasaki's elbow -- on the arm that hadn't been cuffed, and gently led her away.

I'm not sure about the dash & comma combination to delimit the parenthetical phrase.

[Brian]

I'm a bit confused about the control that Kuyou has about the position that the sliders appear at. Can she redirect them to the spot in her shadow song that corresponds to where they were or would have appeared in the main reality, or to a location of her choice? The brigade seems to be very confident that Wataru will appear near to Yuki's apartment, instead of, for example, where Kanae is. But if Kuyou could just choose the point they appear at, why couldn't she dump their deathbots in a volcano? And the previous appearances near Kyon could be explained by Wataru first seeking out Kanae, and then Kyon, and he could appear on the other side of the earth if he felt like it. Maybe Kyon could mention why he doesn't worry about Wataru kidnapping Kanae?

Or Kuyou could just dump them directly into the sun.  If it occured to her.

For the point about kidnapping Kanae, while that's valid, the last time the Combine showed up was more a 'universe invasion' thing.  I guess I can add something to that without overshadowing the rest ... helps show Kyon being stressed more, anyway.

Even better, if everything went well, Yuki would have the ability to help Kuyou actually choose where their portal would open, since they were expecting it.  At least, if that worked, they wouldn't need to worry about the slider going after Kanae -- and if it didn't, Yuki was ready to take the fight to him, while Haruhi was busy with Sasaki.

Typos:

lowing

knowcked

Oops.  Not ... sure how that happened.  Thanks for catching those.

That reads as if the cookie is as large as her torso because Kuyou offered it to her, but presumably the cookies all have the same size and the torso size is a coincidence ;-)

Well, more of a grammar issue than a style one.  But easily fixed!

"Well, I do happen to agree, and I'm glad you told it to Suou-san -- but where did you get that idea?" Kyon wondered, looking at the tiny figure.  Ryouko was currently wearing a small version of her school uniform and chewing on a cookie that Kuyou had offered her.  It was difficult to take seriously, considering that the cookie was nearly as large as her torso, relatively.

[Brian]

Very thorough, I found very little to complain about and I suspect I would end retelling the chapter if I try to comment about every thing I noticed or consider interesting about it. Great job.

Aww, you're too kind. ^_^;;

Spoiler: ShowHide

percieve ? perceive

Thanks for catching the spelling error.  :)

Also, it's interesting to notice how Wataru and Fujiwara consistently show their contempt for artificial humans.

Wataru has a better excuse than Fujiwara, considering where he's from. >_>

friend as all ? friend was all
and part ? as part (it makes sense in both ways, actually)

First one should be 'was'.

I think the hyphen in "bolt-cutter" is unnecessary. Also, I have never seen a model of bolt cutter with ratchet action small enough to be stored in a pocket, but my knowledge on the subject is lacking at best.

You can hide a lot in a large enough coat.  Imagine it like this, with the handles having a folding hinge for half-length:

http://www.mccusainc.com/Tools/Ratchet-Bolt-Cutter.htm

Of course, what really matters is that Sasaki finds it plausible.  If that weren't a bar, well, sonic screwdriver. :p

I'm not sure about the dash & comma combination to delimit the parenthetical phrase.

Should make the second one a dash just to be consistent.

Thanks for the comments!

[Specular]

Just a thing I didn't noticed before.

Spoiler: ShowHide

The woman stiffened, her back to Nonoko, then bowed her head and manged,

manged → managed (I also found the same typo in kbdh15 and kbdh39)

[Brian]

Ah, thanks for the catch, Specular.  Typos, my eternal nemesis.

[Phantom Kirin]

First off... what pun? I don't understand what the pun is, actually...

Second, it seems that things are starting to speed up in terms of what's happening in terms of plot, so I'm thinking that...

How many arc are left, Durandall? Because something's telling me that the next arc is going to be a big one...

Third, there's this...

Spoiler: ShowHide

Glancing back one last time to make sure Sasaki was outside of earshot, Haruhi eyed Shinobu, then shook her head, explaining, "We can't go on like this, Kyon -- with Sasaki not knowing what's really happening. She means well, but she's a liability. You have to figure out some way to get her to realize that things are different from what she thinks-- I'm her friend, or at least trying to be, but I don't think I can convince her as well as you can, and you can do it with a lot less risk."

He stared, dumbstruck.

"I-- I mean, it'll be a lot easier to protect her if she's in on things!" Haruhi insisted. "And maybe she can use her power as an ally! And...." She paused, biting her lower lip and lowering her gaze to her feet. "And ... the longer we go without telling her, the more we're going to be betraying her trust. So ... I know you're dealing with a lot, and this is a big thing to ask, but ... we need to do what we can, and if you ignore everything else, taking care of this before the sliders figure out she's a vulnerability that they could exploit...."

She trailed off there, and he nodded slowly. That did make sense ... but it was certainly a tall order! He'd never managed to sway Sasaki before, after all. Then again ... he'd never had as much reason to be confident about what he had to convince her of.

"I'll do what I can," he agreed. "Uh ... but in the meantime, as far as taking care of her better--"

"I'm going to ask if she can consider switching schools," Haruhi said with a sigh. "Which is going to make the assignment I just gave you even more important. In an ideal world, she could join us on the Hinamizawa trip, too! After all, those jerks are constantly trying to kidnap her, so.... Well, that might be too much to ask for-- So we'll just have to do what we can."

Now, I have a ton of questions that I could ask based on that, but I'll have to ask later, as I have go and deal with "real life" for a while, and I'll get to those questions in a edit to this post later in the day. Until then...

[Brian]

First off... what pun? I don't understand what the pun is, actually...

The pun with the title of the last chapter, and then this one.

How many arc are left, Durandall?

I'm not sure yet!

[Phantom Kirin]

Well, first off... The pun is kinda bad, but not unforgivably bad.

Second, is there a place where I can post the typos that I've found in the completed chapter, because I actually found a few things, like this...

Spoiler: ShowHide

Even as those thoughts went through his head, Yuki and Kuyou seemed unperturbed, just staring at one-another -- it was actually kind of soothing, the way they regarded one another in silence. Kyon was certain they were communicating on a wavelength he just couldn't reach, planning contingencies and preparing for the worst while sipping Yuki's endless supply of tea and nibbling Kuyou's equally endless-seeming supply of cookies.

I presume that that's a typo. Perhaps "seemingly endless", or perhaps just "endless" would work better?

Spoiler: ShowHide

Kuyou's 'shadow song' felt different from the closed space that Koizumi was used to. It seemed somehow oddly empty, too, but Koizumi vaguely recalled Kyon mentioning that, so wasn't caught off guard by the difference for very long.

...um, a "he" is missing there, unless I'm mistaken...

[alethiophile]

Those both seem fine to me, just artistic license in phrasing. From what I've noticed, things like that tend to be caught in the beta stage, and the final prose is usually free of errors; it's little misspellings that occasionally get through.

[GeshronTyler]

Well, these comments are a bit late, but maybe you'll find them usefull in later revisions for the chapter. 

Spoiler: ShowHide

This newest confrontation with Slider!Wataru had some interesting insights, regarding his angry demeanor, and the alien controller attempting to regulate his mind.  I recall his furious remarks about Kanae, making her out to be a monster disguised as a young girl.  He may have a point in that her headlong "flight" through parallel worlds may have caused them all to be attacked and subsumed by the "Combine" as their agents followed her trail.  Not that they might not have become a target of the Combine eventually, but Kanae may have doomed them prematurely.  But, as Kyon pointed out regarding his own experience with being responsible for destroying a parallel world, he only has one frame of reference, one life to lead, and he wanted to live it in a world with the Brigade.  In that sense, from what Kanae told the Brigade, her friends told her to flee, that she must use her sliding powers to deny the Combine those selfsame powers.  It's always possible that something terrible lurks within her being, but it seems quite unlikely, with Yuki, and Haruhi constantly around her, and Mikuru hasn't gotten any warnings from the future (Well, if its predetermined, they wouldn't warn her anyway...). 

For that matter, we have yet to actually meet Combine!Kanae.  The question there is, does Wataru know that there is a version of his sister that is a Combine agent, that probably is the very monster he claims Kanae is?  He admitted that he had voluntarily joined the Combine to protect those that were important to him, but that doesn't mean he was sucessfull, or maybe he hoped to trade himself for someone else, as it were.  His deliberate stoking of his anger might be sustained then by his disappointment or sense of betrayal, for not having protected his "real" sister (since Brigade!Kanae doesn't remember a brother, maybe she _doesn't_ have one- she's gone through a large number of "different" alternate families after all), and anger at a "copy" of his sister that remains free.  Or anger at the creature embodiying "other" Kanaes, hoping to somehow yet save his sister.   Kanae may be suppressing painfull memories, so perhaps she is in fact Wataru's sister- I guess only you know the truth at this juncture, Brian. =)

I'm enjoying the hints of the relationship blooming between Koizumi and Kyokou, if he doesn't get a lot of "onscreen" time, at least he's got a girlfriend. =)

Fortuitously, the present constellation the Brigade now comprises apparently brings a combination of skills, powers, and personalities that none of the previous worlds had, able to stymie the Combine for the nonce.  Lucky World! ^_^ 

By far, my favorite parts of the chapter was the kidnapping of Haruhi and Sasaki.  You confirmed for me that Sasaki's powers seem dependant on her direct perception of something, rather than a "field" effect.  Or at least, if she does project a "rationality/low probability field" Haruhi own powers are strong enough to dominate when Sasaki closes her eyes.  I still wonder if Sasaki's powers are more connected to her own understanding of the world, rather than some kind of intuitive comprehension of what potential quantumn waveforms/real world events are most rational/logical?  If she were to visit a high energy physics laboratory, would the chance of observing an unlikely event that could shape the understanding of the universe be practically nil, or would her own ignorance, or simple fascination of that field of science keep her from interfering?

While I'm on this sort of thread, I've been wondering just what Kuyou is actually an avatar of.  It seems pretty obvious from her speech and the analogies she makes, that she must be the personification of a celestial object. A big one, considering all the talk of occlusion, orbits, etc.  The way she manipulates gravity, and the fact that she didn't have the concept of memory, or I think, it was the concept of a _sequential_ memory she didn't have,
that brings to mind the idea of the event horizon- a region of space time where theoretically, the creation and eventual evaporation of the singularity would be one eternal moment.  My WAG is that Kuyou is actually the avatar of a black hole, likely one of the supermassive galaxy center ones.  Well, okay, I don't know how the creation of pocket universes fits in with that, other than event horizons have theoretical implications for travel to parallel universe, time travel, etc.   

So, yeah, I liked the efforts Haruhi was making to get Sasaki to accept the sequence of "lucky coincidences", and Sasaki's efforts to rationalize the results of Haruhi's stunts.  Especially the bit with the fence.  I also enjoyed the way both girls were actively analysing their situation, and neither was resigning themselves to their fate.  The exposition on Haruhi's fears and frustrations of not being able to use her powers openly in front of Sasaki was good, giving a strong basis for her later suggestion to Kyon of bringing Sasaki "inside" .  Of course, the cavalry arrives in the nick of time to save the damsels in distress. =)  Some strong scenes there as well, with Kyon working to calm Tsuruya down.  I think Kyon has actually gained several levels in "girlfriend wrangling" with all that he's gone through. =)  He's getting good at reading hints given to him from the other girls, and is starting to take his own initiative as well, as he becomes familiar (if not entirely _comfortable_ =P) with his situation at large.

I'm curious about what Shinobu has to say to Haruhi, but I have a feeling that its probably something of a welcoming to the team (or even the family) of those supporting Tsuruya.  Perhaps thanking Haruhi for not trying to cut Tsuruya off from Kyon?  I forsee a great need of group hugs, and perhaps small group snuggling sessions with Kyon this night.  =) 

Come to think of it, I think Yuki is long overdue for some hugs.  Would she have also caught on to the deepening of the relationship between Haruhi and Tsuruya?  She has that connection to Haruhi doesn't she?  Yuki wouldn't have any problems with a more intimate relationship with the other Brigade girls, since all she has to go on is the "theory", and whatever social cues she learns to understand from interacting with the Brigade, and observation of her surroundings.  She's already offered to practice kissing with the other girls before, once Haruhi, Tsuruya, and Kyon explain things, she'd have no hesitation in applying the "new rules".  That could make for a cute scene or two, where she surprises Mikuru with this new ploy.

I guess the next "mission", probably commencing "tonight" in the storyline will be to explain to Sasaki what's truly been going on around her.  I do think a proper application of Occams Razor, and that quote of Sherlock Holmes ( when you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth?) will present a strategy for arguments to convince the girl.  True, much of what's been actually going on is _very_ improbable to Sasaki's mind, but if one lays out the context and sequence of events since the forming of the Brigade, and her own "befriending" by the "anti-Brigade", and the very pertinent point that there must be _something_ about Sasaki that would make a Yakuza clan and the other (Esper) Organization invest so many resources into controlling her...

Come to think of it, is there any evidence in canon, or your fanon, that Sasaki had the same kind of ephiphany at the same time Haruhi had hers at the baseball game?  I've always viewed the two sides of a coin, Haruhi expressing emotion, energy, adventure, and Sasaki logic, calm, and rationality.  From what I can remember of Sasaki's relations and discussions with Kyon in middle school, she used logic and rationality to convince Kyon to give up his interest in the fantastic, to accept a dull, mundane world.  To the point that she disabused him of the whole idea of "true love and friendship".  Which is fairly uncommon, considering that a girl of her age would normally be _interested_ in those things.  So, why not?  It's been a speculation of mine, that Sasaki's father has never been mentioned, in the scenes where Sasaki's mother has appeared.  How does the time of Haruhi's incident match up with the period of time where Kyon and Sasaki had their discussions, and Kyon's illusions and fantasies were dashed?  My speculation is as follows- Right around the time that Haruhi went to the baseball game, Sasaki's father dropped out of her life, because of an affair/divorce, or just leaving (abbandonment).  Sasaki was very close to her father, and the way he left (disappeared, died, etc) forced her to realise that the world can be a cold, uncaring place, and that all the wishes and love in the world won't change reality (in this case, anyway).  So, she focuses on logic and rationality, and rejects emotions as not being important in understanding the world and getting on in it.  Unknown to her, she's actually making the world around her conform to those ideals, as far as she understands them.  It wasn't until she realized she had pushed Kyon away, that she started having doubts about her philosophy.  So, we have the situation where the "anti-Brigade" assembles herself around her, and Sasaki finds that as much as she prizes her Vulcan ideals, loneliness is not combatable with logic and rationality.  She accepts the companionship of Kyouko, Kuyou, and "smirking bastard" =P, and events build up to the confrontation at the cafe.  So, does this mesh at all with any of your ideas, give you new ones, or am I just flying down a blind alley? =)


Added 13.07  Of course, it occurred to me that a very good argument to convince Sasaki that all the improbable/impossible things the Brigade, and her own group have been up to should at least be considered to be possible is the number of times in earth's own history that the accepted "truth" of the world was changed- Flat earth to globe, Geocentric to Heliocentric, the existance of atoms, evolution, Relativity, Quantumn theory, etc.  There's been quite a number fundamental shifts, haven't their.  Heck, if I remember correctly, Time travel doesn't violate the Theory of Relativity, either.

This, has become fairly long hasn't it?  I also wanted to mention how much I loved the kitchen scene with Akane and Imouto.  A good thing that Okasan is still fairly in the dark as to what's really going on, or I think she'd have had a real nervous breakdown.  Nice to see that she can still jump to conclusions with the best of them, when she assumes Sasaki's family has been involved with the Yakuza as well. 
Hope my rambles provide some help and inspiration, or at least evidence that I enjoy your story enough to ramble on at length about it. ^_^

[Brian]

Whoops ... somehow missed your response!  I'm sorry about that. :x

Come to think of it, is there any evidence in canon, or your fanon, that Sasaki had the same kind of ephiphany at the same time Haruhi had hers at the baseball game?

Hmm....  Not that I can think of.  The most Sasaki really gives about her past is that she's 'only really been angry once'.

Which is fairly uncommon, considering that a girl of her age would normally be _interested_ in those things.  So, why not?  It's been a speculation of mine, that Sasaki's father has never been mentioned, in the scenes where Sasaki's mother has appeared.  How does the time of Haruhi's incident match up with the period of time where Kyon and Sasaki had their discussions, and Kyon's illusions and fantasies were dashed?

Let's see....  Sasaki had one family name in grade school, and a different one in middle school.  That would suggest that her mother remarried around the same time Haruhi had her own epiphany (in the break between grade school and middle school).

My speculation is as follows- Right around the time that Haruhi went to the baseball game, Sasaki's father dropped out of her life, because of an affair/divorce, or just leaving (abbandonment).  Sasaki was very close to her father, and the way he left (disappeared, died, etc) forced her to realise that the world can be a cold, uncaring place, and that all the wishes and love in the world won't change reality (in this case, anyway).

Ah, you got that, too.  However, that bit of canon was something I didn't know until I started writing K:BDH.

I'm not sure how to treat it yet.  Probably, since I haven't much committed to my own backstory, I'll make it canon-compatible.  No, wait.  I am comitted.  I had both of Sasaki's names be the same for said backstory.

Whoops.  Instead of revising that, I'll probably stay the course....

It wasn't until she realized she had pushed Kyon away, that she started having doubts about her philosophy.  So, we have the situation where the "anti-Brigade" assembles herself around her, and Sasaki finds that as much as she prizes her Vulcan ideals, loneliness is not combatable with logic and rationality.  She accepts the companionship of Kyouko, Kuyou, and "smirking bastard" =P, and events build up to the confrontation at the cafe.  So, does this mesh at all with any of your ideas, give you new ones, or am I just flying down a blind alley? =)

That's actually pretty much exactly what I was working with.  Not the 'her father abandoned her at the same time Haruhi had her epiphany' bit, but something along those lines.

It's a minor spoiler, so:

Spoiler: ShowHide

The idea is that she was abandoned by her father before she was born; her mother specifically gave her the same given name as her family name so that it 'could never be taken away from her'.  Something Sasaki's not exactly thrilled about.

Probably, Sasaki found out about the truth of it right before entering middle school (so coinciding with Haruhi's epiphany after all), and the way I'm planning on playing it, that was the one time she got 'truly angry', and things have been strained between her and her mother ever since.

Thanks for the feedback, and I'm really sorry I missed your reply! :p

[GeshronTyler]

I'll be looking forward to seeing how you develop and portray Sasaki's thread in the story.  I haven't read all the novels yet, I picked up the translations up to... don't have the books right too hand, but I'm pretty sure I haven't read "disappearance" yet.  Sometimes hard to remember what's canon, what's fanfiction... =P 

Spoiler: ShowHide

If you're looking for some kind of cosmological explanation for Haruhi and Sasaki's abilities, I recalled watching "Kurau Phantom Memory"- where during a high energy physics experiment, aparently a pair of very exotic particles (they're sapient/sentient) are produced, and in the crisis that follows, are separated.  One particle merges with the chief scientists daughter, subsuming the girl's personality (for a time at least).  The girl later exhibits psycho-kinetic abilities.  The story mainly deals with the one pair waiting for/looking for it's partner, and the complications that arise when they're reunited.  The way you've been dropping exotic  astrophysical terms in the story, maybe you can use that idea. =)

Something else I in part recalled, and stumbled upon on Youtube-  If you're looking for opponents from the Combine to give the SOS-Dan a challenge,  there's a pretty freaky Dr. Who monster (from the new seasons) called a "Weeping Angel".  It's a being that exists in something like a quantumn state- If anybody (including themselves) is observing them, they appear to be indestructable (well, I don't know if they can be "broken", but it _doesn't kill them_), immobile stone statues.  If noone (including another WA) is watching, they're free to move... and they feed on people's space-time, or something like that.  The concept is damned riveting on video, when one of those things stalks its prey in "stop-motion".  They're called Weeping Angles because the look like angel for some reason, and tend to be covering they're eyes with their hands (so they don't look at each other).  The other concept was called to mind by the WA, from a Clive Barker story about some strange foot race where the runners would be grabbed by demons/mosters if they gave in to the temptation to look behind them.

[Brian]

Things to keep in mind, sure.  The latter ideas are a bit too much on the horror side of things to really fit with K:BDH's theme, though.

Except I guess in a comedic fashion.

Spoiler: ShowHide

 Kyon: "Well, we can't break them, what do we do!?"
Kuyou: *chucks them into the sun*
Haruhi: "Did ... we just kill them?"
Kuyou: "No."
Haruhi: "Are you sure?"
Yuki: "They continue to live in their current location, unable to reach this planet again.  They will be released eventually."
Kyon: "When!?"
Kuyou: "1.89340416*10²¹ rotations."
Haruhi: "...how long is that, exactly?"
Ryouko: "A while. <_<;"
Haruhi: "I guess that's okay then!"

Or alternatively:

Kyon: "Where did those spooky statues go?"
Kuyou: *covering mouth* "Not noodles."
Kyon: "Huh?"
Kuyou: "...unique taste."
Kyon: "I think ... I don't want to know."
Ryouko: "They'll take an infinite amount of time for anything bad to happen to them, from their perspective!"
Kuyou: *hiccups quietly, gives small smile*
Kyon: "Now I know I don't want to know!"