[Haruhi] Gaming

[Brian]

Another experimental piece -- less so than normal for me.  It's also kind of simple in a lot of ways because I am attempting to beat writer's block, and....

...yeah.

Anyway.  This is a bit of an attempt to try and reach/appeal to two groups of readers, so I'd be vastly appreciative if I could find opinions for both.  It's targeted at gamers and at fans of Haruhi, and I really don't want to veer too much toward one side.  I think it should be possible to reach both....  But, well.  Here goes; somewhat less ambitious than my last one in some ways, so hopefully less likely to explode on the launch pad. <_<;

I had considered titling this 'the games we play', but it seemed too ominous, given I'm aiming for something more light-hearted, and the, er, should-be-silly intro. <_<;;;

Edit: Typos, etc.  Every time....

[thepanda]

At a glance...

Her eyes go back to Haruhi, and I recall what Sasaki said last about admiring Haruhi, long aago

long ago

Really.... "Okay, fine-- You're a ... knight, and you're in the basement of a burning building. You need to lift a heavy timber to unblock a door so you can reach the stairs before you run burn up. Make sense?"

Drop the 'run'.

"I notice the same composition of a trio of adventurers, as well," Koizumi supplies thoughtfully. "They also seem to contain the same theme of projecting some form of enemy at the foes.

'Enemy' should be 'energy', I think.

I feel sorry for Koizumi. One night to learn how to run a module with someone with Haruhi's personality as a player? You could place bets about how long it takes to go off the rails.

[Anastasia]

I feel sorry for Koizumi. One night to learn how to run a module with someone with Haruhi's personality as a player? You could place bets about how long it takes to go off the rails.

My main thought as well. That aside, I giggled openly at the image of Kyon dressing up as a wizard. Nice little touch there. Ota-kun too. As I read this, I can tell you're having lots of fun skewering gaming targets.

"Do any of these books not make all the fans of these games look like drooling idiots?" I complain, shaking my head. "Even if the content is good, a cover like that would make anyone sensible roll their eyes."

Gamer art style preferences, CHECK!

Anyway, I like this but don't have any deep comments on it. It's really fun for what it is, and I mean that as a sincere compliment.

[Brian]

At a glance...

Thanks for the corrections. :)

I feel sorry for Koizumi. One night to learn how to run a module with someone with Haruhi's personality as a player? You could place bets about how long it takes to go off the rails.

Though, given that, less time to worry about it could be a boon. :p

Thanks for the comments, Panda.

My main thought as well. That aside, I giggled openly at the image of Kyon dressing up as a wizard. Nice little touch there. Ota-kun too. As I read this, I can tell you're having lots of fun skewering gaming targets.

It's hard to write about gaming without poking at some of the sterotypes.  Who hasn't played at least one game with That Guy?

"Do any of these books not make all the fans of these games look like drooling idiots?" I complain, shaking my head. "Even if the content is good, a cover like that would make anyone sensible roll their eyes."

Gamer art style preferences, CHECK!

Yeah, that part is kind of irritating.  I think it's probably on the decline, but enduring artwork cliches endure....  Some of the Exalted book covers are probably the most extreme examples that come to mind.

Haruhi: "We've totally got Mikuru-chan's next cosplay!"

...better to avoid, methinks. :p

Anyway, I like this but don't have any deep comments on it. It's really fun for what it is, and I mean that as a sincere compliment.

Great -- thanks for the feedback, Ko. :3

[Squibidyflop]

I almost posted an incredibly boring ramble about how I felt Haruhi was acting out of character by inviting Sasaki to hang out with the Brigade, but I'll chalk that one up to my not having read the later books. I'm not quite sure how much I'm missing from not having read them, but I hear the relationships between Haruhi, Sasaki and Kyon are expanded upon heavily. Apart from that minor (personal) irk, it's the same old brilliance in every aspect. It may just be due to the amount of explanation required for newcomers, but it does seem to lean a little more towards the gaming than the characters in a few places. At least the prologue shows that that won't be happening much during the actual gaming. I may be out of line in saying this because I'm sure you're already well aware, but in terms of actual feedback I would just say that you're writing a Haruhi story about gaming, not a gaming story with Haruhi characters. Few would blame you if you choose to ignore the specifics of the game system in favor of character interaction. (Not that I'm saying you should.)

Also:

I'm not sure how to really take that. I do admit, a long ago image of Haruhi and Sasaki together, hand-in-hand and working together.... I think I'd like that, though I somehow had the impression Haruhi would be opposed.
Then again, given what Koizumi's suggesting, such a thing may be far off --

Did you mean 'may not be far off' here? That just jumped out at me as being a bit odd.

[Brian]

I almost posted an incredibly boring ramble about how I felt Haruhi was acting out of character by inviting Sasaki to hang out with the Brigade, but I'll chalk that one up to my not having read the later books. I'm not quite sure how much I'm missing from not having read them, but I hear the relationships between Haruhi, Sasaki and Kyon are expanded upon heavily.

There's more explanation, but no real changes in those books.  I think I presented Haruhi's decision plausibly, but mileage may vary.  Koizumi reprises his old role as Mr. Exposition to explain why Haruhi made the decision in part, but beyond that, it's actually pretty straightforward.  Haruhi thought she was catching Kyon and Sasaki in something less innocent, and then made the offer motivated (initially) by guilt over snapping at Sasaki and being untrustful in general.

I probably could put more work into it, but I felt that Haruhi would find the context of 'playing a game' innocent enough, and the situation gives her the entire Brigade as support, too.  I'm not sure....  I'll see if anyone else trips over that, though I'm not sure how much I want to change it yet.

Still, something for me to keep an eye on.

Apart from that minor (personal) irk, it's the same old brilliance in every aspect. It may just be due to the amount of explanation required for newcomers, but it does seem to lean a little more towards the gaming than the characters in a few places. At least the prologue shows that that won't be happening much during the actual gaming. I may be out of line in saying this because I'm sure you're already well aware, but in terms of actual feedback I would just say that you're writing a Haruhi story about gaming, not a gaming story with Haruhi characters. Few would blame you if you choose to ignore the specifics of the game system in favor of character interaction. (Not that I'm saying you should.)

It's Pathfinder, but I'm being intentionally vague, and want to use generalizations where possible, though may reference some things specifically (commoners destroying reality with limitless chickens, locate city bomb, etc.), but more than that the goal of the story is to explore RP as a tool of character growth.  Koizumi also lampshaded the fact that the game context allows for things that would not be acceptable in real life, so that's something I'll want to focus on.

I won't be making character sheets for any of the characters RP characters, anyway. :p

Also:

I'm not sure how to really take that. I do admit, a long ago image of Haruhi and Sasaki together, hand-in-hand and working together.... I think I'd like that, though I somehow had the impression Haruhi would be opposed.
Then again, given what Koizumi's suggesting, such a thing may be far off --

Did you mean 'may not be far off' here? That just jumped out at me as being a bit odd.

Er, no, but I added a 'very' to make it clearer.  If you tripped over it, I can probably fix it. :p

Thanks for the reply! :)

[Squibidyflop]

I probably should have mentioned that I'm not the most perceptive of readers, so others will probably pick up on small things like Haruhi's reasons for inviting Sasaki without changing anything.

Haruhi thought she was catching Kyon and Sasaki in something less innocent, and then made the offer motivated (initially) by guilt over snapping at Sasaki and being untrustful in general.

This completely cleared up my confusion. I've seen very little interaction between Haruhi and Sasaki in the books so far, but it makes perfect sense that Haruhi would be trying to make it up to her for something like that. Again, my error, no one else should have a problem with this.

It's Pathfinder, but I'm being intentionally vague, and want to use generalizations where possible, though may reference some things specifically (commoners destroying reality with limitless chickens, locate city bomb, etc.), but more than that the goal of the story is to explore RP as a tool of character growth.  Koizumi also lampshaded the fact that the game context allows for things that would not be acceptable in real life, so that's something I'll want to focus on.

Yes, the possibility of Haruhi having to avoid using whatever crazy powers she will inevitably acquire in the game could draw some interesting parallels, while Kyon (and perhaps Koizumi) will seize the opportunity to discuss her powers with her without actually revealing them to her.

I must say I'm looking forward to more of this story to see what effect the role playing has on the characters, rather than just seeing two things I like being mashed together! :p

[JonBob]

Well, I had some corrections, but Panda already mentioned them. So, impressions! I really liked the intro. It took me far too long to figure out Kyon's companion, but then it all made sense. The tone was pretty funny and entertaining.

Chapter 1 is pretty straightforward. A lot of setup. The interaction between Kyon and Sasaki seems more friendly than I recall, but it's been a bit since i've read 10/11. It does seem like Haruhi is changing, focusing on improving the brigade and herself (by interacting with Sasaki), while still going for fun for the brigade.

Anyhow looking forward to the beginning of the campaign.

[Brian]

Thanks for the feedback, JonBob.

I'm especially worried about portraying Sasaki correctly, and Haruhi as reasonably in-character -- most especially in the first chapter (I think the in medias res prologue gives me a bit of leeway, but I'm open to criticism on that front if someone thinks it's particularly off).  While I could try and defend the friendliness between Kyon and Sasaki, I'll instead ask what you would have expected instead, or what you feel might work better?

[JonBob]

Well, I suppose my main point of confusion is why Kyon would call Sasaki "dear friend" even if she started it. Like, it might be rude, but Kyon doesn't seem like one to be overly swayed by peer pressure. I suppose, though, that once that point is made, that the rest flows out of it. I dunno, it just feels odd.

[Brian]

Well....  Okay, this is pretty straightforward.  The idea is Haruhi hears something that she can take out of context--  In this case, Kyon is calling Sasaki his 'dear' (anything, really), and he later clarifies 'friend', much to Haruhi's relief.  I could have Haruhi hear Sasaki's half of that, instead.

On the other hand, that makes it seem onesided, and I liked the angle of it (seeming) to come from Kyon, so that Haruhi demonstrates her strength as a character by keeping it together long enough for him to clarify.  I can see an argument for the other approach working, too (makes Kyon look a bit thick, but that's not really a new thing).

Alternately, it doesn't have to be 'dear friend' that Kyon says; he can say something else that can be misconstrued.  Probably just an offhanded remark that he and Sasaki are 'close', and then he can clarify 'close friends'.

...I could have sworn Kyon called her a dear friend in book eleven.  Nope, it's 'close friend', and Kyon vows that when he sees her next he'll call her that.  Okay, I'll make that change.

[Brian]

Chapter 2 posted in the first post of the thread.  I'm ... a bit nervous about the handling of Sasaki.  I hope the general lack of commentary is a sign I'm doing a reasonable job, instead of this being discarded because I'm so off-base? ^_^;;

If anyone's got objections or suggestions for how anyone (particularly Haruhi and Sasaki, but anyone else, as well) might be coming across as OOC, I'm open to that now, especially before it becomes a major effort to revise. >_>;  So, if you don't like something about it, now is the time to let me know! :p

Anyway, revisions of the prologue and chapter one also posted, but are almost entirely grammar/spelling corrections.

[JonBob]

Initial impressions: didn't notice any glaring spelling/punctuation errors. Sasaki and Haruhi interaction is interesting; I'll have to give it another read-through to see what it might be. It's funny that Kyon knows there's something going on, but can't figure out the details. Not sure what to think of the character roles yet, but it's starting off pretty amusing.

[Grahf]

I did notice one thing in chapter two:

Nagato takes a seat to Nagato's side

Probably an error, unless her Disappearance-verse character is here as well. Hunh, I can only imagine how a game with the regular and alt!verse cast would go.

As far as content goes I haven't been saying anything because I've really found nothing to say besides I'm enjoying what you're doing with this, which sounds anemic. Sorry about that.

[Brian]

I did notice one thing in chapter two:

Nagato takes a seat to Nagato's side

Probably an error, unless her Disappearance-verse character is here as well. Hunh, I can only imagine how a game with the regular and alt!verse cast would go.

Heh.  Oops.  That should be Sasaki--  Thanks for catching that.

As far as content goes I haven't been saying anything because I've really found nothing to say besides I'm enjoying what you're doing with this, which sounds anemic. Sorry about that.

Okay, hopefully that means I'm on the right track!  Or ... fans of Sasaki's character were so put off they stopped at the prologue.

Well, when in doubt, do what Haruhi would do -- keep on going. :p

Thanks for the comments Grahf, JonBob.