[Haruhi] Unhandled Exception - outline and background thread

[Grahf]

Just some off the cuff reactions to the latest posts, if something sticks then it sticks, if it's all ridiculous, then likewise:


What about the Entity not necessarily being overly antagonistic, but rather deciding to become more proactive? Them being proactive can be just as dangerous, if not more dangerous in some ways than them being antagonistic. It might mean that it looks like Kyon actually succeeds in getting the Entity to see his side, but then due to how things work out maybe coming to wish that they didn't? Yuki is an individual, and Kyon has some measure of control, albeit a small one, over her development, the same could not be said for the entirety of the IDSE.

Depending on how you view the events of the Disappearance, perhaps in a different vein than what happens above, what if the Entity decides that if Yuki can, while experiencing an error, completely hijack Haruhi's powers, they seek to replicate the incident to somehow turn it to their advantage?

I know that Asakura as primary antagonist is entirely overplayed, but in this situation she might make more sense than Kimidori, who could be shifted to another role. If Asakura is brought back under the Entity but as enough of an individual to also have her own agendas then it may provide a better outlet for tension than just going against Kimidori, who while having the full backing of the Entity, is also mostly non-combative and obstinate more than anything else.

If you want to get the Kyon's mother/birthday more involved, then what happens if you add Haruhi into that mix more. What if Haruhi has her own plans for Kyon's birthday and clashes with Kyon's mother over them. Alternatively, what if she dives in head first with helping Kyon's mother, since his mother is trying to give him a birthday that Haruhi may view as different enough from most to be interesting (at least that's her surface excuse for wanting to get involved).

Likewise, what if rather than sitting back for so long and just being a more self-aware but magnanimous, Haruhi took the seemingly growing closeness between Kyon and Yuki as an excuse to start being much more forward with her feelings. Could a rivalry between Haruhi and Yuki develop, with Haruhi actually encouraging Yuki to press forward for what she wants, while at the same time promising to do the same?


Again, I'm just shotgunning here. If none of these really work then I wouldn't be very surprised. At the same time though hopefully they give you some food for thought.

[Muphrid]

What about the Entity not necessarily being overly antagonistic, but rather deciding to become more proactive? Them being proactive can be just as dangerous, if not more dangerous in some ways than them being antagonistic. It might mean that it looks like Kyon actually succeeds in getting the Entity to see his side, but then due to how things work out maybe coming to wish that they didn't? Yuki is an individual, and Kyon has some measure of control, albeit a small one, over her development, the same could not be said for the entirety of the IDSE.

Depending on how you view the events of the Disappearance, perhaps in a different vein than what happens above, what if the Entity decides that if Yuki can, while experiencing an error, completely hijack Haruhi's powers, they seek to replicate the incident to somehow turn it to their advantage?

I know that Asakura as primary antagonist is entirely overplayed, but in this situation she might make more sense than Kimidori, who could be shifted to another role. If Asakura is brought back under the Entity but as enough of an individual to also have her own agendas then it may provide a better outlet for tension than just going against Kimidori, who while having the full backing of the Entity, is also mostly non-combative and obstinate more than anything else.

Something like the Entity conspiring to keep Nagato frustrated and unable to work past her looming error in a healthy manner, all while pretending to have no interest in the matter, so that Nagato can become frustrated enough to steal Haruhi's powers once again?

It hits a bit close to what ended up happening in The Coin, but there could be some possibilities there.

If you want to get the Kyon's mother/birthday more involved, then what happens if you add Haruhi into that mix more. What if Haruhi has her own plans for Kyon's birthday and clashes with Kyon's mother over them. Alternatively, what if she dives in head first with helping Kyon's mother, since his mother is trying to give him a birthday that Haruhi may view as different enough from most to be interesting (at least that's her surface excuse for wanting to get involved).

Sure, there's something to work with there.  I originally wanted Haruhi's knowledge of the birthday to be a surprise to Kyon, but getting her involved in that storyline gives it more meat.  Kyon's mother could be uneasy about having Haruhi around, risking embarrassment from the rest of the family and a lack of the vindication of her parenting, but at the same time, denying that Kyon and Haruhi are close is to deny who Kyon is.

Likewise, what if rather than sitting back for so long and just being a more self-aware but magnanimous, Haruhi took the seemingly growing closeness between Kyon and Yuki as an excuse to start being much more forward with her feelings. Could a rivalry between Haruhi and Yuki develop, with Haruhi actually encouraging Yuki to press forward for what she wants, while at the same time promising to do the same?

I've started shying away from the idea of Haruhi, Nagato, and Kyon getting into a bona fide love triangle.  Perhaps Nagato's feelings are that strong, but I hoped it would be enough for Haruhi to see that Kyon and Nagato have a close relationship--not necessarily a romantic one--to get her to consider abandoning the status quo there.  I think there is something Haruhi would be jealous of.  Kyon and Nagato have a relationship that is...I want to say without pretenses?  Is that the best way of putting it?  Whereas by contrast, Haruhi jumps on hints and subtext and has been obvious and yet not blunt about her feelings for Kyon.

So I think Haruhi might try to imitate, emulate, or otherwise try to capture that dynamic, but trying to fall into such a different pattern of behavior would feel very forced, and Kyon would know that.

Anyway, I think there's a way for Haruhi to be inspired to change things without me falling into the trap of building up a real love triangle.  Not to say that couldn't be done, but I don't know I could depict it realistically or in an interesting fashion, so I think trying to would be a setup for failure.


Thanks for your thoughts, Grahf!

[Grahf]

I've started shying away from the idea of Haruhi, Nagato, and Kyon getting into a bona fide love triangle.  Perhaps Nagato's feelings are that strong, but I hoped it would be enough for Haruhi to see that Kyon and Nagato have a close relationship--not necessarily a romantic one--to get her to consider abandoning the status quo there.  I think there is something Haruhi would be jealous of.  Kyon and Nagato have a relationship that is...I want to say without pretenses?  Is that the best way of putting it?  Whereas by contrast, Haruhi jumps on hints and subtext and has been obvious and yet not blunt about her feelings for Kyon.

I know what you're getting at here. Pure is probably an overused and vague term, but it's a relationship between Kyon and Yuki that is built on a mutual trust and frankness.

Hmmm. To look at it from another angle then, and to spin it in a different direction; what if after the confrontation between her and Kyon, Haruhi decides to ask Yuki what the deal is herself. There are a lot of directions that this could go in, depending on just how much growth has taken place, Yuki still might not be able to put into words herself what she feels, she may, however, know enough to posit that her relationship with Kyon is different from Haruhi's. It may need to take place earlier in the story, but it might help get both Yuki and Haruhi into the story even past the point when the IDSE tries to make good on its threats.

This could perhaps lead to somewhat subtle changes in events that you've already set out. For example, while Yuki is still ready and willing to help thwart the Entity's attempts to fabricate John Smith stuff, perhaps she admits that some small part of her almost wants to see Haruhi lose interest in Kyon. She knows that it's not right, and that's what disconcerting to her. Not all of the newfound emotional freedom that Yuki experiences is going to be completely positive after all, and while she still has good judgment and knows what's right, she may find that she has small, lingering feelings of selfishness or whatnot. This may catalyze as well, as a more overt antipathy towards the Entity, given that they had the ability to give her better means to deal with this, if Asakura is any indication.

[Muphrid]

That's an interesting idea for a confrontation between Haruhi and Nagato--a peaceful confrontation, I'm sure, but a confrontation nonetheless.  As a function of POV going through Kyon, he would have to be present for this, or at least catch part of it in real time for it to be an effective scene.

To tell the truth, I'm not sure if I'll stick with the John Smith aspect of the plot.  It seems a bit overdone, yet the idea of Kyon trusting Haruhi enough to do away with the trump card is appealing.  Can that happen without John Smith being a plot point at some time in the story?  Not sure.

I think it would be good to confront Nagato's actions in Disappearance.  I have felt that Nagato's separation of Kyon from Haruhi in that story served more than just practical interests.  If Nagato can come to understand her actions as not errors but as the results of feelings and personality, then she can understand what she felt and choose how to change herself to avoid jealousy and such.  It's a natural, perhaps even necessary, thing to do.

(On the topic of coming to terms with those actions, I suddenly have the strange idea of Nagato being put on trial by something or someone for her wanton reshaping of the world during Disappearance.  Now wouldn't that be a thing.  But by whom and why exactly escape me.)

[Grahf]

To tell the truth, I'm not sure if I'll stick with the John Smith aspect of the plot.  It seems a bit overdone, yet the idea of Kyon trusting Haruhi enough to do away with the trump card is appealing.  Can that happen without John Smith being a plot point at some time in the story?  Not sure.

I don't know what would need to happen in for this to come to pass, but if you wanted the trump card negated, then you could have Kyon try to broach the subject to Haruhi himself. How he'd do so without arousing her suspicion is beyond me, almost as much as to why he, lover of the status quo that he is, would feel the need to do so in the first place, especially since it means perhaps not being able to do anything if the Entity makes a move against Yuki, or any of his other friends.

I think it would be good to confront Nagato's actions in Disappearance.  I have felt that Nagato's separation of Kyon from Haruhi in that story served more than just practical interests.  If Nagato can come to understand her actions as not errors but as the results of feelings and personality, then she can understand what she felt and choose how to change herself to avoid jealousy and such.  It's a natural, perhaps even necessary, thing to do.

That would be a very good road to take. The question is how far to take it. To the extreme it would perhaps cause Yuki to be slightly antagonistic towards Haruhi at points; nothing major, but it would be there. It depends on just what Yuki thinks about her relationship with Kyon and what she also wants that relationship to turn into. Of course at one point you were playing with Asakura being around and sort of being forced to act on what could be described as Yuki's own negative emotions. That might be an angle to play, but at the same time it feels almost like unnecessarily scapegoating Asakura again, simply because she makes an easy antagonist.

(On the topic of coming to terms with those actions, I suddenly have the strange idea of Nagato being put on trial by something or someone for her wanton reshaping of the world during Disappearance.  Now wouldn't that be a thing.  But by whom and why exactly escape me.)

Yasumi could do the job, but that would come off as quite malevolent of her depending on how it's spun. She could come off as anything from a mildly chastising friend who wishes Yuki no ill-will, but wants to remind Yuki that she's not a toy to be trifled with, to the embodiment of pretty much some of the nastiest stuff that people tend to attribute (often wrongly) to Haruhi herself, a spurned, jealous god-like force that is well aware of how much damage she can potentially do. The latter one seems pretty off the wall AND out of character though.

[Muphrid]

I don't know what would need to happen in for this to come to pass, but if you wanted the trump card negated, then you could have Kyon try to broach the subject to Haruhi himself. How he'd do so without arousing her suspicion is beyond me, almost as much as to why he, lover of the status quo that he is, would feel the need to do so in the first place, especially since it means perhaps not being able to do anything if the Entity makes a move against Yuki, or any of his other friends.

Yeah, there needs to be a means to bring it up, if we must go that way. I think Kyon could do it just by asking about Haruhi's drawing at East Middle, but it's very much a conclusive thing.

That would be a very good road to take. The question is how far to take it. To the extreme it would perhaps cause Yuki to be slightly antagonistic towards Haruhi at points; nothing major, but it would be there. It depends on just what Yuki thinks about her relationship with Kyon and what she also wants that relationship to turn into. Of course at one point you were playing with Asakura being around and sort of being forced to act on what could be described as Yuki's own negative emotions. That might be an angle to play, but at the same time it feels almost like unnecessarily scapegoating Asakura again, simply because she makes an easy antagonist.

Yeah, Asakura acting on Nagato's darker impulses probably cheapens those emotions.  I'm ready to ditch the concept.  Antagonistic may not be the right word, but I do think she has reason to be somewhat less than friendly toward Haruhi.  Almost all of their interactions have been predicated on Haruhi's perception of Nagato rather than the reality of who she is.  Of course, Haruhi's devoted care for her in 10-11 still matters.  I think Nagato recognizes that Haruhi has at least that redeeming quality.

Yasumi could do the job, but that would come off as quite malevolent of her depending on how it's spun. She could come off as anything from a mildly chastising friend who wishes Yuki no ill-will, but wants to remind Yuki that she's not a toy to be trifled with, to the embodiment of pretty much

I was immediately cautious when I read this--even just the hint of Yasumi gives me pause, for giving Haruhi's subconscious material being really opens her up to a host of fridge interpretations and, in this case, puts Haruhi in an antagonistic light.

On the other hand, I did see some possibility here, in the idea of Yasumi's return could be Haruhi's way of trying to avoid what happened before, with Nagato feeling compelled to do something drastic. Still, it would be like Haruhi "knows" what happened even though she doesn't consciously know.  Very weird and mechanically troublesome.

[Muphrid]

So here we are, with another outline.  I realized that one of the main problems I had with the last one was that so much more time was spent on Kyon and Haruhi's development and story, yet Nagato's story really had nowhere to go.  So I set out with this outline to try to remedy that, to have a clear idea of what I wanted to do with her and to work in all the other characters as the overall theme permitted.  This means I've ended up ditching a lot of stuff.

But as it happens, I still feel like Haruhi and Kyon's plotlines in this new story are better developed than Nagato's.  It could be that their stories have to stand on their own while Nagato's is integrated with the main plot more tightly, but I'm not sure.

At any rate, this is the idea.

1. The search for victims of "Spiner's syndrome"

1.1. Kyon wakes up; his sister is fighting with his mother over how independent she can be. Kyon goes to school, where there's some hysteria over a mystery illness.  Haruhi is unafraid, but others are wearing facial masks. Haruhi boasts that she doesn't get sick (not surprising) and that she expects Kyon won't slack off on his studies.  Before class starts, Haruhi and Kyon are approached by another student, a boy, whose girlfriend has started acting erratically and disappeared.  He thinks it's this "Spiner's Syndrome" and he's hoping the Brigade will investigate.  Haruhi jumps at the chance. 

1.2. After school, Kyon goes to the club room.  Haruhi goes to seek out the student from before further, but Kyon brings a notebook full of details that Haruhi wrung out of the boy at lunch.  The girlfriend's name and description, where she lives, and so on.  Kyon thinks this is a pointless exercise, or perhaps even dangerous, but Koizumi is more upbeat, saying that Haruhi looking into mundane, terrestrial affairs is good for her, and perhaps her powers can be used for good.  He engages Kyon in a conversation about why Haruhi has yet to meet (to her knowledge) any epsers and such; he posits that Haruhi is not interested in finding such things but in searching for them, in meeting people and being with others who, in her case, may look forward to such beings but may also just be disappointed.  This interest may represent growth for her.  Kyon takes notice of Nagato, who is reading as usual.  Haruhi isn't the only one who's changed.  Nagato is growing, too.  Asahina is getting a little taller, unexpectedly for a girl in her year, and Kyon wonders if she's actually a lot younger than she's let on.  Asahina's more confident now, however, and Kyon wonders if he's standing still.  He has chosen to be in this world, with the extraordinary, but to him, it seems like it's not the same.

Haruhi arrives with a few extra details about the girlfriend, and the Brigade go to investigate.

1.3. The girlfriend lives alone, in a well-furnished apartment, but something about it puts Kyon off.  There are all the usual trappings of a place someone lives in, but it all seems very precise, very ordered, almost calculated to be average.  While Haruhi ransacks the apartment (turning up various personal belongings), the rest of the Brigade convene.  There's something off about this place, and Nagato confirms it.  Most of the organic material she's detcted in this apartment is subtly non-human--the stuff of a humanoid interface, one of the IDSE's.  This disease, she guesses, is one that is only affecting humanoid interfaces, for interfaces are immune to diseases that would afflict normal humans.  Why the IDSE decided to keep this information from her is a mystery, but what concerns her is not who is being targeted but the effects.  Irregular behavior for an interface is a serious matter, as their powers over time and space are significant.  A malfunctioning interface may end up in the hospital if their errors can't be identified, but one that still has their wits about them will likely go elsewhere, and Nagato knows where.

1.4. Nagato leads the Brigade to a nearby data storage center, which she explains to Haruhi as the girlfriend's obsession with computers.  Sure enough, the malfunctioning interface can be found there, trying to command internet data to help cope with the error.  The group have to misdirect Haruhi so that Nagato can have alone time with the malfunctioning interface, but the error is significant:  her memories and experiences have been stolen from her, and the resulting trauma has damaged her behavior and ability to comply with the Entity's commands.

When Haruhi makes her presence known, the interface's behavior becomes extremely erratic and fixated on Haruhi as a potential cure, or even as a possible source of the trauma.  The interface starts attacking, trying to get to Haruhi, and Nagato is forced to engage her and suspend the wounded interface's data link, stopping just short of nullifying it out of pity.  Haruhi is unaware, and thinks that the interface simply hasn't been found.  The group depart the data center when security catches them, with more questions than answers.

On the way out, Kyon catches sight of a North High girl's uniform, belonging to neither Nagato, Haruhi, nor Asahina, but when he gives chase, he finds no one.

2. Assessing the threat

2.1. At lunch the next day, Haruhi expresses her displeasure over not finding the missing girl.  The boyfriend has called the police to investigate the matter, and they'll find nothing, she expects.  Haruhi isn't finished, however.  She wants to go to hospitals, question victims, and find out the true, alien nature of this disease, like something out of Michael Crichton.  Kyon does his best to dissuade Haruhi from pursuing the matter further, saying that they probably won't find anything doctors haven't anyway.  Haruhi concedes that may be so, but she questions Kyon whether that's the point.  If the point isn't to find something unusual, what is the point? asks Kyon.  Haruhi doesn't answer, however, looking at Kyon like it should be obvious, but Kyon has none of being guilt-tripped in that way.  He does, however, detect a slight wounding in Haruhi's look.

(Haruhi can make a point of saying that it's part of her job to motivate the Brigade to improve themselves, going on about how she sees each member of the brigade: Nagato as a quiet girl who prefers books over reality, Asahina as a shy but attractive girl who could stand to be braver, Koizumi as a stoic, agreeable guy who nevertheless needs some passion in what he does, and Kyon as someone who likes the way things are a bit too much.  Each of these is partially right and partially wrong, emphasizing that Haruhi cannot fully understand her friends without knowing their true natures.)

2.2. For his part, Kyon is just as willing to put the matter behind him; he has a bad history with unstable interfaces, and they can end up doing anything.  Best to stay away from that topic, he thinks as he goes to the club room after school, but seemingly, it isn't meant to be.  When he arrives, he's confronted by Nagato, who seems to wish to speak with him but won't come right out and say it.  Nagato confides in Kyon that he'd be right to have questions.  They will need to ask Kimidori to get to the bottom of this; though Kyon is indifferent to the wellbeing of the Entity's interfaces, Nagato is concerned that whatever attacked this interface may come after her as well.  For that reason, Kyon agrees to a meeting, after the Brigade's business is tended to.

When Haruhi arrives, she proposes various ideas for activities, each of which meets with general approval from Koizumi, slight worry from Asahina, indifference from Nagato, and an assessment of how awkward and embarrassing it might be from Kyon.  In the end, Haruhi seems dissatisfied how much the Brigade is going with her whims, instead urging them to be proactive and help her make the Brigade become what they want it to be.  Kyon feels some guilt, realizing that so long the Brigade has been a vehicle of Haruhi's whims, now she's giving them the chance to do something with it and they don't have a clue.  Haruhi leaves early, and Kyon resolves to have a chat with her the next day.

2.3. After Brigade activities, Kyon goes to Kitaguchi Station's cafe, following after Nagato.  The two of them meet together first, and Kyon is conscious that anyone who sees them might conclude this is a date, but they would be mistaken, and he quickly pushes the idea out of his mind.  Nagato is Nagato, a presence he cannot live without and that the Brigade wouldn't survive without, no more and no less.

After a fashion, Kimidori sits down with them after her shift.  Kyon is cognizant that, despite her smiling eyes and pleasing face, Kimidori is more of a thing than a girl, indifferent to humanity.  Kimidori is aware that Kyon and Nagato know about the rash of attacks on interfaces; the Entity views it more economical to repurpose the damaged interfaces rather than waste resources repairing them or salvaging lost data--data they view as unimportant.  Kyon counters that the life experiences of a being are inherently important, but Kimidori quietly ignores the point.

Kimidori explains that there is a perpetrator, an interface who was selected to experiment with some data generated in part by Haruhi.  That data caused instabilities in  the interface, and that interface has gone rogue, targeting other interfaces and taking from them information, memories, and other experience data.  Kyon asks how the Entity got its hands on data related to Haruhi, and Kimidori only hints that Nagato knows.  Nagato notes that if the situation were truly severe, they would've called upon Asakura to assist, but Kimidori dismisses the idea as rash; Asakura is exactly the kind of interface who would be susceptible to this, having already shown herself too unstable.  Still, the Entity will handle this and ensure Nagato's safety; they've only kept Nagato out of the loop to avoid her worries getting back to Haruhi.  After all, Nagato is prone to having emotional responses and acting human.

After Kimidori leaves, Nagato explains that the data Kimidori is referring to is most likely data from Disappearance, data that comprised part of the "error" Nagato experienced that, once recovered, Nagato felt she could not assimilate into her personality, at least not at the time.  Thus, this data does indirectly come from Haruhi, and that could be why the Entity has had trouble apprehending the perpetrator.  Nagato is concerned, but Kyon is confident Haruhi won't let them be endangered.  She isn't so sure; Haruhi's power is capricious.  Nagato will take an active role helping the Entity, despite its suspicions of her.  She believes her experiences are good, and other interfaces should have the chance to become human too, even if they aren't yet.  She considers them, in a sense, family.  Kyon asks her what she thinks of Kimidori repurposing the attacked interfaces, and Nagato notes that, without their experiences and memories, they are little more than soulless atomatons, their human-like appearance betraying that they are not (yet) very human at all.  Nagato herself was like that, and she wouldn't want another version of herself walking around that isn't her.  Kyon taught her that much.

2.4.  Kyon reflects on what's happened, how Nagato gives serious thought to her future and the possibility for change.  Haruhi is doing the same, he realizes.  For so long, she's been trying to make the Brigade according to her vision, but now she's shooting for something bigger: their shared wellbeing.  Kyon realizes that Haruhi may well have been saying that the Brigade's stated goal is no longer as important to her as the people who are in it, and he approaches her to try to give some encouragement.

Before lunch is over, Kyon tracks down Haruhi, who's surprised, as they don't often eat lunch together, and he asks about the day before, when Haruhi said that the point of the Brigade wasn't just to find something unusual and to have fun with those beings.  Haruhi says that's the mission statement, so what else does he think there is?  Kyon isn't sure either, but he acknowledges that there was always the possibility they would never find anything.  Haruhi tries to refute this, but Kyon insists it's the case, and Haruhi, of all people, must know that.  She admits she does.  So what?  Kyon is stumped, but he throws out that, despite the long odds, the Brigade will keep looking together.  Haruhi brightens at that, saying Kyon gets it after all, and Kyon isn't sure what exactly she means.  Still, Haruhi is glad that even Kyon, who sometimes seems least interested in the Brigade (from her perspective), understands that basic idea.  Maybe he always understood it, ever since he encouraged her to form the Brigade.  Haruhi admits that she doesn't usually give Kyon a lot of credit, but he deserves credit for that.  Otherwise, she isn't sure who she would be.  No, she does know: she would still be angry and resentful of the world.

She starts talking wistfully about moments in life that change the way one goes about things, about Kyon, and about John Smith.  Kyon becomes uncomfortable, knowing that this puts the trump card in jeopardy, and he quickly excuses himself, not wanting to see Haruhi pour her heart out while he's holding something back from her.

2.5. On the way back to class, Kyon happens upon some commotion. A teacher has been attacked on the way to a classroom, and the hallway in the vicinity is deformed and warped through spatial anomalies:  clearly the work of the rogue interface.  Several students have been waylaid trying to navigate the anomaly, and Kyon is caught up to by Haruhi.  Kyon is surprised that Haruhi has wandered into this and witnessed it so blatantly--ordinarily, she would be almost oblivious to unusual happenings.  While Haruhi is fascinated by this anomaly, her enthusiasm is tempered when Kyon suggests the teacher is still within the inaccessible classroom.  Haruhi tries to unwedge the door, a feat no one else has been able to accomplish, and sure enough, it gives way, with Haruhi even coming off suspicious--was that her own strength that did it, when no one else could?  Was that a result of the anomaly?  Kyon and Haruhi find a wounded interface inside.  Haruhi tries to go to the teacher straight away, but Kyon is concerned the interface may act erratically with her so near and tries to intervene.  Luckily, the teacher is too lost in confusion to threaten them, and they carry the teacher interface out.  Whenever a spatial anomaly interferes with them, Haruhi is able to find a way around it, reducing the danger to nearby students.  Still, Kyon is rightly concerned for their safety.  Haruhi's power is like a force of nature after all, intervening when it sees fit, but Haruhi has no control over it yet (if ever), and Kyon doesn't feel at ease leaving things to chance.

As they reach safety, Haruhi asks Kyon what that was, saying he knew something, but Kyon is at a loss for words.

3. Making an effort against the enemy

3.1. The next day is Saturday, and Kyon prepares to meet the brigade at Kitaguchi Station.  His sister is fighting with his mother about going out today; his sister wants her own bike to ride around with, disregarding that she still needs training wheels.  Kyon doesn't dwell on this long; he's got somewhere to be.

The destination is Haruhi's neighborhood, where a disconnected interface had gone catatonic a few weeks ago.  This one is a neighbor of Haruhi's--emphasizing how close in proximity they keep her--one who lives alone, at that.  She was found by other neighbors of Haruhi, who know nothing of the "woman's" family and discovered the interior of the house to be in shambles after some kind of battle or conflict.  Haruhi's mind is already racing: people with no known family, lacking connections--they could be aliens, she concludes, but modern technology is totally inadequate to proving this.  Haruhi assigns the others to investigate.  Kyon goes with Koizumi and Asahina--in theory to investigate further, but in actuality they try to figure out a gameplan about how to handle Haruhi.  Koizumi is a bit rattled; though he expected Kyon to reveal things to Haruhi, he didn't expect Haruhi would happen upon something herself.  At least that relieves Kyon of the responsibility of telling her the truth, but Kyon doesn't think so.  It just shows more of what he's been hiding.  Asahina, too, is on edge; her superiors have been strangely mum about what's been happening, just instructing her to let things play out.  She's hopeful that she can play a positive part in what's to come, whatever that may be, but she knows that with only the TPDD at her disposal, her ability to help Kyon is limited.

Through all these conversations, the three of them have been shirking their duty to ask other neighbors or investigate the "disease".  As a result, while Koizumi tries to sympathize with Haruhi when they return empty-handed, Kyon is more mum, unwilling to feign disappointment for something they weren't yet looking for.  Haruhi's enthusiasm once again turns dour, more because Kyon doesn't seem to share her disappointment than for finding nothing.  Haruhi treats the brigade to lunch at her house, but she's frustrated and on edge throughout.

After lunch, Kyon is cornered by Nagato, who invites him to talk with her to discuss a new development.

3.2.  They go to the Library.  Nagato tells Kyon that the Entity is planning a major operation against the perpetrator, but Nagato remains concerned that the operation will be more difficult than even the Entity thinks.  She hesitates to ask for support from Asahina or Koizumi's Agency, but Nagato fears they will need every advantage, and Kyon promises to ask them about it.  For now, however, she only wishes to spend some time with him; Kyon is reminded of Disappearance and that Nagato, but he quickly tries to divert his thoughts, saying Nagato couldn't have understood the significance of her choices in that state, that she painted herself as interested in him.  No, what Nagato needs is a friend, and for once Kyon is happy to be the one providing suport for her, instead of vice versa.  He offers that Haruhi is interested in what they might want out of the Brigade; he thinks Nagato should suggest a book reading.  Nagato is unsure Haruhi will go with the thought, but she seems pleased with the idea.

(Something here about Nagato feeling like Asahina and Koizumi are friends, and yet they cannot truly understand her, nor she them.  Even Kyon can only do so much.  This is not something she blames any of them for; it is merely part of her working to be more human.)

(Nagato is having trouble deciding what books she should read next.)

3.3. Sunday.  Kyon, Koizumi, Asahina, and Nagato convene at the cafe.  Kimidori is there too, along with an unusual number of people--interfaces, Kyon is guessing.  According to Kimidori, two more interfaces have been attacked, and they're hoping that the perpetrator can be exposed and captured now.  The deliberations are interrupted when Taniguchi and Kunikida happen upon the group, but they're quickly shooed away, not without Taniguchi remarking it's weird to see them all without Haruhi.

The operation begins, and interfaces scatter about the station square to find the perpetrator.  Kyon, Asahina, and Koizumi stay put, waiting for Nagato to return, but as Kyon watches out for her, Haruhi barges into the cafe, asking what it is they're doing without her.  Taniguchi tipped her off, trying to get some time with her since the Brigade were occupied.  Haruhi is hurt that the Brigade could be doing something as a whole outside her purview.  Kyon tries to calm her down and get her out of there as best he can, but the operation begins to go awry, with interfaces fighting in public.  Haruhi is amazed, but the fear the Brigade shows tells her that this is not a good thing.  With Nagato's safety in jeopardy, Kyon makes the bold move:  he orders Asahina to take Koizumi to safety and asks Haruhi to go with him to find Nagato.  Asahina and Koizumi disappear before their eyes thanks to the TPDD.   

Kyon and Haruhi wade into the middle of the fray, with Kyon trying to explain as they go--all those things Haruhi has been searching for are real, but Haruhi is the most interesting of them all.  Right now, Kyon needs Haruhi to make sure Nagato--to make sure the Brigade--is safe.  Haruhi hardly has time to understand the gravity of this situation, but they soon come across a battle scene, with an unkown interface doing battle against an unseen foe.  The unknown interface is then assaulted by none other than Asakura, whom Kyon assumes to be on Kimidori's side.  Asakura puts her fingers into the head of the unknown interface, saying that she will take what the interface can't appreciate: experiences and memories that could be full of meaning, that instead the Entity renders inert as mere "data".  Kyon then realizes that Asakura is the perpetrator and tries to get Haruhi to run with him, but Asakura intercepts them: she has a message for them and for Nagato.  It's thanks to Nagato that Asakura became able to appreciate her own existence.  She wants to learn from Nagato and become more human, and she's hoping the Brigade will help.

Before more reinforcements can arrive, Asakura flees, and Kyon thinks he and Haruhi should, too.  If the Entity knew Haruhi were aware of its presence, goodness knows what it would do, or what they would have to do in response.  Haruhi wonders how they can fight back against such things, but Kyon only takes her hand in silence.

4. Dealing with a devil

4.1. The Brigade reconvenes at Nagato's apartment to await Asakura.  Nagato, Haruhi, and Kyon are first to arrive, with Haruhi constantly questioning Kyon about what's going on.  Kyon tells her of John Smith, of factions that wanted to stay hidden from her because she is their mission, the key to the mysteries of the universe, a person with power beyond understanding.  Haruhi is floored, especially when she realizes Kyon tried to tell her all this but without proof, so she casually dismissed him as mocking her.  Haruhi remains quiet as Asahina and Koizumi arrive in style, thanks to the TPDD.  It's only a matter of time before Asakura arrives.

And she does.  Like nothing ever happened, she's back in her North High uniform, and she has an offer to make to the Brigade.  She describes in great detail how the Entity experimented on her with data generated from Nagato's errors, hoping to better understand Haruhi's power, but instead, what it did was give her new insight, and a craving for more experiences and knowledge.  That, she believes, is the true path to auto-evolution.  Asakura and Nagato are different from the others; they've dared to push the limits of what the Entity will permit, even breaking those directives.  She asks for Nagato's help in achieving true humanity, as Nagato is on the road to doing.  Nagato is thoughtful on the matter, but she eventually agrees, on the condition that Asakura attack no more interfaces.  To enforce that, Nagato has erected barriers around the apartment that Asakura cannot break through without Nagato's permission.

All throughout this, Kyon thinks on the bizarre new dynamic the Brigade is in, with Kyon having to take the lead and Haruhi taking a back seat because of what she doesn't know.  Haruhi is really taken down a few notches as her assumptions about how the rest of the Brigade react to the situation are challenged and proven to be wrong: Nagato can talk and explain herself in too much detail, Asahina can't be intimidated when her conditioning prevents her from revealing information, and Koizumi has enough confidence an surety about him to defy her--gently, but definitively.

4.2. The days events leave Kyon feeling drained, so he goes home for dinner.  There's a bit of a kerfuffle over Kyon's sister thinking herself mature again, setting out to cook herself dinner since his mother has refused to make any for her as part of a lesson.  Kyon has to watch his sister to make sure she doesn't get herself killed, and sure enough, as she tries to put water in the microwave to boil, she accidentally puts a metal cup inside, almost blowing up the whole unit.  Kyon's distracted thoughts over working with Asakura and Haruhi's new place almost lead to disaster.

The next day, Kyon goes to school.  Haruhi is quiet and lost in thought all throughout the day.  At Brigade activities, there is open discussion about Nagato's plans with Asakura, concerning their plot to kidnap another interface and train that interface in self-sufficiency once severed.  It's an ambitious plan, but Nagato has been swayed to the idea, noting that for three years she obeyed the Entity, waiting and watching and doing nothing on her own; and then for almost 500 years she did nothing becuase that was what the Entity wanted.  That is criminal, and she will not stand for it.  Again, Haruhi seems detached from the conversation, sitting at the Brigade's computer, listening but not participating.

After the Brigade meeting ends, Kyon finds her standing at the gate, drawing the symbol, "I am here" in the dust on the sidewalk.  She comments that the Brigade really have things figured out, and all along she was trying to push them, trying to create something, when they were already working toward something bigger.  As happy as she thought she'd be, finding out there were mysterious things in the world, Haruhi is saddened that the rest of the Brigade have been doing these things without her, that the part she can play is as the object of their efforts, or at best the wielder of some power that she cannot understand or control.  She's tried to control it, to make cherry blossoms bloom out of season or fifty-yen coins turn into hundreds.  It doesn't happen, so what is she to do?  Haruhi doesn't feel like a part of what they're doing, even though she's at the center of it.

Kyon insists this is not so; though Haruhi was not aware of it, the Brigade is a singular unit exactly the way she intended it to be, and while Kyon has been off-balance with all the change around them, Haruhi is the heart and soul of the Brigade.  She may have to get up to speed still, to get to know the Brigade, but she'll do that.  Haruhi is cheered up by that, saying that Kyon is almost exactly the way he always is, except it's clearer that he's actually in this supernatural stuff.  For that, and for his efforts, Haruhi gives him a peck on the cheek.  Kyon, rather stiffly, refuses to acknowledge what that means.  He briefly allows himself to think about what might happen: about getting in a relationship with her.  He realizes that Haruhi's energy and enthusiasm are attractive, yet also terrifying, and for that reason, he lets her walk away without engaging her, which leaves a sinking feeling in his stomach.

4.3.  To cheer Haruhi up, Kyon plans a day out on the town for the next weekend.  In theory, this is for Asakura, to help get her some more exposure.

The group meet up at Kitaguchi Station as usual, with Asakura having made sure Nagato would dress for the occasion.  As the group head out for dinner, Kyon notices how close Asakura seems to stay near Nagato; it seems Asakura truly considers Nagato a model to follow.  Over dinner, there are two conversations:  one for Haruhi to try to get to know Nagato, Asahina, and Koizumi better, another for Asakura to get to know what it means, to them, to be human, and how they've gone about trying to change themselves for the better in the past.  Koizumi compares it to when he found out he was an esper and had to decide whether he would answer the call or let it go.  Asahina, despite restrictions, is able to tell a story about when she joined the time-travelers.

Before and after the group eat, they meet with a woman at the restaurant who has her baby with her.  Her child is ill with a genetic defect and may not live long, but she's determined to keep her child alive as long as possible, to provide a normal life.  Asakura touches the child as if to play with it, which gives Kyon a bad feeling, but the sleeping baby doesn't seem to react.  Only as the group leave does an ambulance come by; somebody tried to snap that baby's neck, and Kyon knows it was Asakura.  What she tried to do out of "mercy" just shows that she was, in fact, still disconnected from what humanity means, or that her own set of mores is still too alien for them to fully realize.

(The child should not die; Haruhi would never let that happen, as serious as the injury is.)

5. Decisions

5.1. Brigade meeting the next Monday.  They discuss the progress of Nagato's collaboration with Asakura.  Koizumi notes that Entity monitoring of his Agency has increased, and Asahina suggests the time-travelers are concerned about it also.  Kyon is not concerned about the Entity, but about Nagato and Asakura.  In hindsight, Nagato realizes that there are still some things distinctly alien about Asakura and her views and behavior, things she should've realized sooner.  Kyon is majorly freaked out and thinks they need to put the brakes on all this, noting that Asakura has always been volatile and unpredictable.  Nagato is still hopeful, however, wanting the company of another interface, another being like herself, but Haruhi comes in with a word of caution: Asakura may be another interface, but she's not like Nagato.  Nagato has an inherent benevolence and would never do anything to violate a person like that.  Asakura can, at best, fake such behavior.  The awkward reality of Nagato's deeds during Disappearance hang over that statement, however, making it difficult to take Haruhi's meaning in (she doesn't know about Disappearance).

Kyon takes Haruhi aside after the end of the meeting to explain that awkward silence, about Nagato's attempt to reshape the world.  She's not as stable as she may look, thanks to Endless Eight and the resulting Disapperaance.  Haruhi bemoans that there's all this exciting stuff Kyon has been involved with that she knows nothing about, that is like a wall between her and the rest of the Brigade, despite their best efforts, but Kyon notes, in echo of what Nagato said earlier, that such changes can't happen overnight.  They take time and effort, and Haruhi is putting in that effort.  The others want her to get to know them, too.  As for Kyon, he chose to come back to this world, to be with her.  Haruhi interprets this romantically, but when Kyon tries to backpedal, it surprises her.  "How do you want me to take a statement like that?" she asks sharply, and Kyon, to his credit, he admits there's no other way she could be expected to take it, but he doesn't feel this is a good time to be thinking like that.  Haruhi agrees, finding that reasonable, but she reminds him that even an obstacle deferred is one that she prefers to conquer in time, but she's not interested in "conquering" him.  If she were, she would've tried it by then.

5.2. Kyon spends the rest of the night trying to get his thoughts in order.  All his reasons and excuses for trying to avoid *that* conversation with Haruhi start to ring even more hollow and cowardly.  He is adverse to change after all, and he fears what would happen to the Brigade if he and her had a falling out.  Is there a good solution?  He thinks on it long and hard, but gets nowhere.

The next day, Kyon wakes up to find his sister and mother have come to a better understanding also, which cheers him up a bit, but there is other news that sours his mood: people have been disappearing by the hundreds all over Japan and elsewhere on Earth.  When Kyon sees a face that was at the cafe the other day, he realizes they must all be interfaces, and in fact, the Entity is destroying its own kind.

Kyon rounds up the gang to confront Kimidori at school, who doesn't deny it.  The Entity views what Asakura and Nagato are becoming as corruption and taint, and they will have no part in it.  Asakura has attacked another interface and drained it of experiences, and with each extra interface she steals from, she becomes more powerful and erratic.  The interfaces as an experiment have failed, in Kimidori's eyes and in the Entity's, and for that, unless the Brigade will hand Asakura over to them, they will take the measures they must.  Nagato refuses to deal out judgment on just the Entity's word, and thus, Kimidori disintegrates before their eyes.

5.3. The Brigade investigate Kimidori's claims, and sure enough, Nagato discovers evidence that Asakura breached her barrier around her apartment.  Nagato is disappointed and feels foolish for trying to look to Asakura as a friend, with that in mind, she and the Brigade confront Asakura.  Asakura doesn't deny what she's done, criticizing Nagato as going about things slowly.  She suffered through 500 years passively because, despite her outburst, she still feels constrained by the Entity's directives and thinking.  Asakura offers to share memories with her, but Nagato flatly refuses, calling it a mistake to work with her, that Asakura is too rash and still is influenced by the Entity's directive to auto-evolve--to grow with the prospect of some concrete goal and then to stop when "finished," but Nagato knows that growth is a continual process and will never end.

Asakura takes this badly, saying she cannot understnad such things if Nagato won't share her wisdom with her, and since Nagato's only wish now is to contain Asakura and make sure she poses no more of a threat, Asakura reacts violently.  She attempts to forcibly link with Nagato.  With Haruhi on their side, it's a close battle, but Nagato and Haruhi both prioritize keeping Kyon, Asahina, and Koizumi safe over their own wellbeing, resulting in Asakura making contact with Nagato's data.  Asakura escapes, and Nagato is out cold.

6. Fallout

6.1. The Brigade stand vigil with Nagato.  Koizumi tries to get some surveillance from the Agency on Asakura, to little end.  Asahina wonders if times like these were why her superiors always warned her to be careful around Nagato and interfaces in general--they could be coldly logical if they wanted to be, but their logic could also be unfathomable to humans.

At last, Nagato awakens.  She's visibly shaken, though she holds it in, and she remarks that Asakura's mind is very different, prone to expression, and she's having a difficult time keeping it all in.  When Kyon asks, Nagato speculates that there is still some lingering affection or loyalty from Asakura that kept her from erasing Nagato's mind, or at least because there was nothing to gain by doing so (since the Entity already knows Asakura is the culprit).  Nagato is immensely saddened about her poor judgment in this matter, and she's shaken over how Asakura violated her, so Haruhi and Asahina volunteer to stay with her and keep her company.  Nagato is surprised and appreciative.  As far as what Asakura intends now, no one can know.

6.2. The next day, the girls are staying with Nagato for the day, so Kyon and Koizumi meet up at school without them.  Koizumi muses on past events, on the renewed trust between Kyon and Haruhi, as well as Kyon's protective stance toward Nagato, despite being in little position to protect her.  These bonds are what make the Brigade strong, and Koizumi considers himself privileged to be a part of the Brigade.  So far, however, there's been no sign of Asakura, and Koizumi can only guess that she's pursuing her own ends; Nagato is more important to him than whatever happens to Asakura.

But Kyon's indifference is short-lived.  A slew of data anomalies begin to afflict the school--even the whole planet.  It's all Kyon can do to help in the evacuation of the school (which is believed to be suffering an earthquake).  Asahina arrives to use the TPDD and rapidly extract wounded students.  Nagato uses her powers to nullify data anomalies, and Haruhi is kept close to Kyon, so that anything she witnesses she may be able to nullify.  A closed space forms over the School, allowing Koizumi to use his powers to help in the evacuation too.  The anomalies subside, but part of a nearby street collapses.

6.3. Nagato explains that Asakura has, using a data conduit outside Earth, found a way to infiltrate the Entity and has begun to hijack it for her own purposes.  Nagato notes that with Asakura's assault on the Entity, its vast ability to manipulate the universe will be unleashed and out of control.  Asakura has to be stopped, before she endangers the very fabric of the universe, but as far as she can tell, Asakura has closed the data conduit--or maybe the Entity closed it to ensure no one else would follow.  There is no way to follow.

Earth continues to experience geological instabilities, changes in physical constants, all manner of chaos and mayhem.  For now, there is nothing they can do, so the Brigade try to go about their lives as best they can.  Kyon is confident that, despite the panic, Haruhi won't let anything catastrophic happen to them.  Nagato takes Kyon aside one day, however, to have a chat.  Having Haruhi and Asahina as company has helped her immensely, but there are some things she cannot talk about with them.  Kyon has looked out for her wellbeing, even when he had little power to do so.  That is important to her.  For that reason, she trusts him to make another decision.  There may be one way to stop Asakura: through Haruhi's power.  Haruhi may not have the capabilities to control and direct it consciously, but Nagato has done it before.  Kyon is rightly worried about this tactic, which is why Nagato was hesitant to suggest it, but he agrees to talk to Haruhi.

Haruhi is justifiably worried about the idea, but it doesn't take much for Kyon to convince her.  She's just happy that she can finally do something to help out.  She makes a point, however, to go to Nagato and to say that she trusts in her to do the right thing, that they're in this together.

6.4.  Asakura will be depowered and ripped from the Entity.  The process will take some time, however, so Haruhi and Nagato set up in the club room.  Nagato has a bizarre, direct access to Haruhi's mind in this way.  As Nagato begins the process, however, Asakura arrives to threaten them.  She starts a direct assault on the school and the club room with a cadre of newly recreated interfaces, each of them faster and stronger than any ordinary one.  Nagato, with a little help from Asahina, is able to repel the initial assault, but this has distracted her from finishing her efforts with Haruhi.

It's at this point that Haruhi steps up, saying that Nagato should focus on establishing the connection with her and wielding her power to defeat Asakura while they trust in Koizumi and Asahina to keep everyone safe.  Haruhi instructs and motivates Koizumi and Asahina bravely and compellingly, finally showing understanding of who they are.  With a closed space forming, Koizumi is prepared for the next wave and, with help from Asahina, manages to defeat them.

Frustrated, Asakura wields a series of spatial-temporal anomalies, which Asahina can forestall with a time-dilation mechanism, but it won't hold for long.  Now Kyon intervenes to argue with Asakura:  what is it she's trying to do?  To create a bunch of dummy servants that do her bidding?  They're not her peers, they're dolls just like other interfaces were.  They have no more free will.  Even with all the experiences she programmed them with, they cannot instantly achieve the ability to choose for themselves.  Asakura cannot force freedom and will upon them, nor can she foster it in herself with just a snap of her fingers.

Asakura argues that Kyon is like the Entity, too afraid to do what is necessary for change, that he must know how Nagato and Haruhi feel about him and yet he refuses to make a choice or see things evolve.  Kyon admits both those facts, but nevertheless, Asakura should be learning from Nagato: trying to change things drastically didn't work for her, because she didn't understand yet what she wanted, and neither does Asakura.  Nagato disapproves of what Asakura is doing, and that gives Asakura enough pause for Haruhi and Nagato to cage her for good.

7. Epilogue

7.1. Kyon wakes up the next morning, finding that his sister and mother are getting along better now that the little one has learned her lesson.  That is part of the human way: stubbornness until people learn their own lessons.

On the way to school, he reflects on the new normal.  The Entity and its interfaces have been restored, and Kyon even sees Kimidori in the distance, though he doesn't approach her.  Before class, Kyon stops by to see Nagato, who's reading a book at the club room.  It's a different book, a fantasy genre book, and Nagato affirms his comment that she's expanding her horizons.  It was something Koizumi recommended, and she trusts that it will be enjoyable.  She expresses hope that other interfaces will be able to evolve like her, and she wants to make it part of her mission in life, however long she's to be on Earth, to do so.  But she also knows that the Brigade--all of them--are her first real friends, and she won't forget that.

Kyon arrives at class to see Asakura the center of attention, particularly from Taniguchi.  In a private moment, she bemoans being unpowered and unable to manipulate data, but these were the conditions Nagato and Haruhi imposed upon her, and she will abide by them, hopeful that one day, she really can be Nagato's friend, even after what she's done.  Kyon responds only that she must be willing to see through her own personal transformation the slow way, and she must learn what it means to feel genuine sorrow over what she's done.  Asakura doesn't know that yet, but Kyon is willing to say that she can learn.

Kyon sits down with Haruhi, who seems to be in a good mood watching Asakura try to come up with stories about Canada.  He thinks on how she's grown too, about how all the qualities of hers that scared and intimidated him, that made him feel inferior, are nevertheless things he strives toward, and that's why he wants to be with her.  He asks her to the cafe over the weekend, just the two of them, and Haruhi teasingly asks about the consequences of such an act.  Kyon is indifferent to those consequences, willing to see things change without knowing how they'll turn out.  Haruhi beams, and she accepts.

The end.

[Grahf]

I'm quite surprised to see something so radically different than before come from your reassessment. I have to agree with you when you say that the plotlines for Haruhi and Kyon seem to function better and more independently than Yuki's in this case. I'm not sure how to address that, or if it's even something that actually needs addressing.

I suppose that you could have some moments in-between when they first agree to work with Asakura and her finally proving to be too unstable where her and Yuki are together and more about how Yuki lives day to day could be revealed. The thing about that is I don't know how to do that without it coming off as somewhat extraneous. It could serve to show that Yuki has been growing as a person, depending on if there are any differences to be observed (I suppose that Asakura would know, in a way, since her and Yuki were implied to have been around in those three years prior to meeting Kyon), but it still might seem like it's bogging things down.

If I think of anything else I'll let you know. Frankly this redo seems sound, and the fact that you have Haruhi taking a more active role and actually becoming aware of her powers before the end of the story is something that is appealing to me, so that seems like a good direction to keep going in. If I think of anything more substantive I'll let you know.

[Muphrid]

I'm quite surprised to see something so radically different than before come from your reassessment. I have to agree with you when you say that the plotlines for Haruhi and Kyon seem to function better and more independently than Yuki's in this case. I'm not sure how to address that, or if it's even something that actually needs addressing.

I suppose that you could have some moments in-between when they first agree to work with Asakura and her finally proving to be too unstable where her and Yuki are together and more about how Yuki lives day to day could be revealed. The thing about that is I don't know how to do that without it coming off as somewhat extraneous. It could serve to show that Yuki has been growing as a person, depending on if there are any differences to be observed (I suppose that Asakura would know, in a way, since her and Yuki were implied to have been around in those three years prior to meeting Kyon), but it still might seem like it's bogging things down.

Yeah, that's the tradeoff I perceived also.  This isn't the kind of story that can go from one quiet moment of exploration and discovery to another. Certainly there are stories that can do that; I just don't think this one is in that category as it is structured now.  Overall...I think I'm pleased that Nagato is able to grow in this story and to do so in relation to the plot, but I'm definitely open to feedback on this point.

If I think of anything else I'll let you know. Frankly this redo seems sound, and the fact that you have Haruhi taking a more active role and actually becoming aware of her powers before the end of the story is something that is appealing to me, so that seems like a good direction to keep going in. If I think of anything more substantive I'll let you know.

With the first outline, having Haruhi discover her powers was something I really wanted to avoid.  The last thing I wanted to do was tread the same ground that The Coin went over.  But here, it seemed like a good avenue to shake things up and get Haruhi into the Brigade's plans and decision-making, as well as to get her to really meet the Brigade and to understand them.  So I rolled with it.

Thanks for your thoughts, Grahf!

[Grahf]

With the first outline, having Haruhi discover her powers was something I really wanted to avoid.  The last thing I wanted to do was tread the same ground that The Coin went over.  But here, it seemed like a good avenue to shake things up and get Haruhi into the Brigade's plans and decision-making, as well as to get her to really meet the Brigade and to understand them.  So I rolled with it.

I think just from what you've thrown out in terms of an outline here that you won't be experiencing a retread. This is an entirely different beast, because in The Coin it is Haruhi that discovers her powers, and the rest of the Brigade go completely reactionary to her development; it's something that is the usual for Haruhi, being proactive about something, just that in that case it's her being proactive about something potentially dangerous and dynamic changing to everyone else. Here she's the one in the reactionary position, having no idea that she had powers or that those around her had roles beyond what she saw. It doesn't mean that her role is reduced, as you've still clearly shown that she's going something, she's just not the one completely in charge of the situation this time.

[Muphrid]

Yeah, I think that's why I feel more comfortable with the idea than I anticipated.  I really feel like Haruhi gets sidelined in general because she's ignorant of the general situation and is kept that way, but having her know about things and be involved in the Brigade's plans is a major point of appeal for me.  It feels like she'll bring something unique to their deliberations that is typically lacking: her energy, her confidence, her determination.  It's an idea I'm looking forward to, at least.

[Arakawa]

Wow, this is somewhat more large-scale than the last outline.

Most of the comments (not all) were being made as I read along, so earlier comments might be ignorant of stuff that's explained later in the story. That does work to represent my probable impressions on reading the actual story.

There's a lot fewer problems with this outline (or fewer noticeable ones at least), so fewer comments from me than last time.

Spoiler: ShowHide

Comments are organized by the section they pertain to.

1.1. *double-takes* Ah, Spiner's syndrome is a fictional illness. Gotcha.

What are the alleged symptoms/circumstances that would make the girlfriend 'act erratically and disappear' (mysteriously, without an obvious way to find her) rather than just get very sick?

1.2. Koizumi's phrasing of his theory strikes me as a very slight bit asinine. I'll have to see where this goes, but if the idea is for Kyon to have the thought that Haruhi is growing, you may want to phrase it differently. If I understand the thought correctly, though, there may be different options for expressing it or something similar:

[ul]

• the fantastic discoveries are worthless without people to discover them with...
• finding the fantastic would be more satisfying at the end of this kind of journey...
• ...etc..., I dunno...

[/ul]

Though (reading further), on the other hand, that doesn't include the element Koizumi is crucially wrong about, namely that Haruhi supposedly doesn't want to actually find the fantastic; this is flatly contradicted by her doing so later in the story (and -- reading further -- your angle that the true identities of the Brigade members turn out to be a crucial missing piece of the puzzle in how she relates to them). What you wrote seems... perhaps... like this phrasing would end up being something Kyon would be a bit dubious about initially, especially coming from Koizumi, and Kyon would reformulate the accurate portion of the thought for himself later in the story. Whatever that accurate portion actually is, stated plainly.

I don't know. This is a difficult bit to think about.

1.3. Hmm, how many interfaces are there in this continuity? Presumably there have to be enough that a 'disease' that targets them specifically would become a well-known thing? (Or is this interface suffering from some unique malfunction that's misidentified as Spiner's Syndrome, which is some completely different thing that targets humans?) (Reading further, I see it's revealed later on what the cause is, but it's not clear how the characters understand it at this point in the outline, before they know about Asakura.)

1.4. What does 'commanding Internet data' entail, exactly?

Also, a data center is a pretty interesting place to have a confrontation. Incidentally, when they're caught by security, what sorts of repercussions / lack thereof are there? Does Haruhi bluff them out of trouble? Does Nagato or Koizumi? ...?

2.1. The parenthetical scene is interesting, since it doesn't feel typical for Haruhi to open up and give her views of everyone like that. (How does the scene segue from Haruhi refusing to answer about the real point of investigating the disorder, to talking about appraisals... without kind-of giving away the answer about the real point in the process?)

2.3. Okay, this is interesting. This is more the "Nagato becomes human" angle accomplished by having her look back on the progress she's already made by this point in canon, and considering it as worthwhile.

Just as a note, this level of self-awareness (about her being more human than other interfaces) seems a bit of a leap for Nagato from how she talks about herself in canon. Are you going to handle it as something she articulates for the first time in the course of the conversation?

2.4. Okay. This seems to fit into the flow of things a lot better than the similar 'endangering trump card' element I remember from the earlier outline.

3.2. Hmm, Kyon is suggesting Nagato should suggest a book reading, so that Haruhi sees Nagato showing more initiative... this could be a bit awkward. The point is that Nagato should be able to figure out what she wants to do... the most I can see here is that Kyon starts to list off ideas as examples to try to illustrate what sort of thing Haruhi expects, and Nagato endorses the book reading one.

4.1. Seems reasonable in avoiding most of the cliched responses that would be dreary to read (e.g. Haruhi is angry with Kyon that he did not reveal things to her properly!! etc. etc.). I'm wondering what exactly the capabilities and limitations of the TPDD are; it seems to be some kind of almost-but-not-quite-swiss-army-knife in this fic. (Also, my canon impression of TPDD travel is not particularly 'in style', but that's neither here nor there.)

4.2. ... wait, isn't boiling water in a microwave inside any sort of container kind of a questionable solution?

Haruhi's lack of control serves to delineate this fic sharply from The Coin, I guess.

4.3. Okay, not really clear on how this works. So, Asakura inflicts the equivalent trauma to an attempted neck-snapping by touching the baby with data manipulation powers; she's snap its neck straight through, but Haruhi's powers prevent that?

5.2. Okay, that answers my question about just how many interfaces there are.

5.3. I guess here, the interesting question is how exactly Haruhi's powers manifest in the conflict. Is it just that having Haruhi around mean the dice rolls come out in her favour and convenient closed spaces drop out of the sky of their own accord, or does she actually discover some measure of control?

6.2. Asahina during the evacuation = Asahina(big), or Asahina(small)? (Obviously, having Asahina(big) requires going through the tedious deal of exposition that hints obliquely at her future, etc., etc., and would be massively complicated by Haruhi witnessing it and having to be convinced/not-convinced of the reasons of keeping her secret from Asahina(small)... then again, having Asahina(small) handle it this time would also be kind of weird.)

Either way, this seems like a potential can of worms.

6.4. Hmm, I'm wondering if Nagato's disapproval affecting Asakura enough to make her hesitate works here. What are the alternative ways of setting up the final defeat here, do you think?

Random aside: In the long run, I guess this kind of setup for developing Haruhi's powers would involve a lot more collaboration than usual between Haruhi and Nagato. That would be an interesting dimension to how they relate, given that it means they need to trust one another to accomplish anything with the powers.

All in all, a lot more satisfied with this outline. I guess my only niggle (and it might be minor or it might be a serious worry) is that this doesn't cover a lot of ground in terms of just how/what Nagato does in becoming more human, but there is room to develop that in her relations with the brigade and her conflicted relations with Asakura. (I guess my only worry is that there's not a guarantee, based on just the outline, that it will be covered amid the action.) Even so, this is only a concern assuming that your earlier goal of exploring Nagato's humanity is still a top priority.

I think in terms of developing Nagato's humanity further, the major question that would be good to think about as a starting point is when the question is raised for her actually suggesting a Brigade activity. From how she handles that, issues will probably arise that can be worked backwards and forwards throughout the fic, as a separate layer from all the action you described above.

It's neat to have stories where the Big Reveal Of Everything For Haruhi is used to good effect, but doesn't steal the spotlight.

[Muphrid]

Thanks for taking a look at this, Arakawa.

Spoiler: ShowHide

1.1. *double-takes* Ah, Spiner's syndrome is a fictional illness. Gotcha.

What are the alleged symptoms/circumstances that would make the girlfriend 'act erratically and disappear' (mysteriously, without an obvious way to find her) rather than just get very sick?

I'm thinking the symptoms of the ``disease'' should be fainting, dizziness, loss of coordination, loss of memory, outbursts, and overall just bizarre behavior.  As there can't be that many interfaces around (but they should be concentrated near Haruhi), the existence of such a disease should be more rumor than government-acknowledge fact.

1.2. Koizumi's phrasing of his theory strikes me as a very slight bit asinine. I'll have to see where this goes, but if the idea is for Kyon to have the thought that Haruhi is growing, you may want to phrase it differently. If I understand the thought correctly, though, there may be different options for expressing it or something similar:

• the fantastic discoveries are worthless without people to discover them with...
• finding the fantastic would be more satisfying at the end of this kind of journey...
• ...etc..., I dunno...

Though (reading further), on the other hand, that doesn't include the element Koizumi is crucially wrong about, namely that Haruhi supposedly doesn't want to actually find the fantastic; this is flatly contradicted by her doing so later in the story (and -- reading further -- your angle that the true identities of the Brigade members turn out to be a crucial missing piece of the puzzle in how she relates to them). What you wrote seems... perhaps... like this phrasing would end up being something Kyon would be a bit dubious about initially, especially coming from Koizumi, and Kyon would reformulate the accurate portion of the thought for himself later in the story. Whatever that accurate portion actually is, stated plainly.

I don't know. This is a difficult bit to think about.

I think I gave too extreme an impression here, more extreme than I intended.  I don't intend for Haruhi to be truly uninterested in the supernatural; rather, I had in mind that Haruhi was really innately skeptical she would ever find such things and had hoped to build a group of friends who could help her (and each other) shoulder that ongoing disappointment.

But Koizumi doesn't need to nail this; in fact, it's probably better if he's actually wrong.

Nevertheless, it was part of my intention that Haruhi only starts noticing supernatural things when she feels enough of a disconnect with Kyon and the others.

1.3. Hmm, how many interfaces are there in this continuity? Presumably there have to be enough that a 'disease' that targets them specifically would become a well-known thing? (Or is this interface suffering from some unique malfunction that's misidentified as Spiner's Syndrome, which is some completely different thing that targets humans?) (Reading further, I see it's revealed later on what the cause is, but it's not clear how the characters understand it at this point in the outline, before they know about Asakura.)

Right, I think I should say that Nagato knows it can't be a human disease, but whatever is the cause of this erratic behavior is still a mystery.

I think I addressed the question of how many interfaces there should be earlier; right now I'm content with saying there are enough around Haruhi that a rumor can spread based on them being targeted.  But if there's an obvious gap of logic there, I'm sure there's a way to hammer that out.

1.4. What does 'commanding Internet data' entail, exactly?

Also, a data center is a pretty interesting place to have a confrontation. Incidentally, when they're caught by security, what sorts of repercussions / lack thereof are there? Does Haruhi bluff them out of trouble? Does Nagato or Koizumi? ...?

Yeah, what exactly is happening here is pretty hand-wavy right now.  I think this is a relic of an earlier attempt to draft this: initially, I had Asakura severing interfaces from the Entity in an attempt to free them from Entity control, but I didn't feel like it resonated.  There, however, the idea would've been more obvious: the interface would've been trying to reestablish contact with the Entity or some such thing.

Let's go with a more plausible idea that, say, this interface has just had the bulk of its experiences scrubbed and it's scouring the internet to try to build up a good working database of knowledge to guide it.

As far as how the Brigade escapes consequences, I'm going with Koizumi pulling strings.

2.1. The parenthetical scene is interesting, since it doesn't feel typical for Haruhi to open up and give her views of everyone like that. (How does the scene segue from Haruhi refusing to answer about the real point of investigating the disorder, to talking about appraisals... without kind-of giving away the answer about the real point in the process?)

How does it fit...well, that is a good question.  On looking at this further, I'd say what's in parentheses should go in place of Haruhi not answering.  I see your point about it being unusual for Haruhi to open up like that; I think this struck me as a way for her to try to persuade Kyon to let her keep pushing, that pushing the Brigade is part of what she does for their collective benefit.  Kyon would have to insist nevertheless it's not a good idea to keep investigating, however.  It could be there's a better way to go about this.

2.3. Okay, this is interesting. This is more the "Nagato becomes human" angle accomplished by having her look back on the progress she's already made by this point in canon, and considering it as worthwhile.

Just as a note, this level of self-awareness (about her being more human than other interfaces) seems a bit of a leap for Nagato from how she talks about herself in canon. Are you going to handle it as something she articulates for the first time in the course of the conversation?

Right, Nagato feeling herself more human than others is not necessary, or at least it doesn't need to come out of the blue.  She can feel the other interfaces are "family" and use that as sufficient justification to help them.

To make the right point things probably need to be turned around; the Entity should send the interfaces out using the same looks and behavior they were originally made with, which Nagato doesn't necessarily see a problem with (because they're all just constructed anyway) but Kyon should, in part because he wouldn't want to see an impostor Nagato walking around, one who can't possibly capture the person she is now.  This could be enough to convince Nagato that she is indeed unique and not flawed.  Perhaps Nagato should have a self-concept of being flawed and susceptible to errors throughout the scene that only changes right at the end.

Hm.  Not sure.  It all hinges on whether Nagato sees herself as being more human (and that being good) or just being error-prone but not necessarily more human.  Do you think her self-concept is more the latter?

3.2. Hmm, Kyon is suggesting Nagato should suggest a book reading, so that Haruhi sees Nagato showing more initiative... this could be a bit awkward. The point is that Nagato should be able to figure out what she wants to do... the most I can see here is that Kyon starts to list off ideas as examples to try to illustrate what sort of thing Haruhi expects, and Nagato endorses the book reading one.

Consider it done.

4.1. Seems reasonable in avoiding most of the cliched responses that would be dreary to read (e.g. Haruhi is angry with Kyon that he did not reveal things to her properly!! etc. etc.). I'm wondering what exactly the capabilities and limitations of the TPDD are; it seems to be some kind of almost-but-not-quite-swiss-army-knife in this fic. (Also, my canon impression of TPDD travel is not particularly 'in style', but that's neither here nor there.)

Yeah, "in style" is gonna go away.  Dunno what I was thinking when I wrote that.  At best I can picture Koizumi more than a little queasy after getting his legs.

Right now I'm just going with the required secondary power of being able to relocate a person in space as well as time.

4.2. ... wait, isn't boiling water in a microwave inside any sort of container kind of a questionable solution?

Just a bit, but I have to figure metal makes it egregiously worse.

4.3. Okay, not really clear on how this works. So, Asakura inflicts the equivalent trauma to an attempted neck-snapping by touching the baby with data manipulation powers; she's snap its neck straight through, but Haruhi's powers prevent that?

Yeah, this is tricky.  What can Asakura do that convinces us of her inhumanity without it having dark dark consequences?  Admittedly, I stole the baby neck-snapping thing from Battlestar Galactica as it seemed remarkably in the same vein, but I won't pretend I'm entirely happy with it.  Getting caught up on the logic of how a baby could survive that, etc. is not worth it when the point should be much simpler than that.

5.3. I guess here, the interesting question is how exactly Haruhi's powers manifest in the conflict. Is it just that having Haruhi around mean the dice rolls come out in her favour and convenient closed spaces drop out of the sky of their own accord, or does she actually discover some measure of control?

Pretty much exactly the former--totally random, totally out of her control.  At best, perhaps certain effects can be considered predictable based on a situation, but that's all.  I admit, I'm a bit at a loss for how else to play it.  We all know Haruhi's powers have to save the day.  Giving her control takes us in the direction of The Coin, which I'd rather avoid.

6.2. Asahina during the evacuation = Asahina(big), or Asahina(small)? (Obviously, having Asahina(big) requires going through the tedious deal of exposition that hints obliquely at her future, etc., etc., and would be massively complicated by Haruhi witnessing it and having to be convinced/not-convinced of the reasons of keeping her secret from Asahina(small)... then again, having Asahina(small) handle it this time would also be kind of weird.)

Either way, this seems like a potential can of worms.

Getting Asahina (big) involved would indeed make things very complicated.  Letting Asahina (small) get to do something useful is throwing her a bone, seeing her handle tense and adverse situations.  That is what she wants, after all--to get to be a part of things, rather than being just a helpless agent of time.  Isn't that right?

6.4. Hmm, I'm wondering if Nagato's disapproval affecting Asakura enough to make her hesitate works here. What are the alternative ways of setting up the final defeat here, do you think?

Decent question.  To me, it must involve Kyon in some way.  He's the one without powers to overtly oppose Asakura.  Asakura's arc here is that she's taken quick and efficient measures to assimilate others' experiences into her personality.  Is it right to phrase Asakura's goal as "trying to become human," or merely "trying to become more than an interface in service of the IDSE"?  Because she can do the latter well enough; it's the former that cannot be rushed, and without her putting value on her relationship with Nagato, there's no reason for her to want to be human (vs. just wanting to be more than what she was).

I'm not sure if that crucial point--Asakura's relationship with Nagato--makes the story better and more emotionally rewarding or more illogical and testing of suspension of disbelief.  So this is a point I'm open to opinions on.  It feels good to me, but not quite perfect.

All in all, a lot more satisfied with this outline. I guess my only niggle (and it might be minor or it might be a serious worry) is that this doesn't cover a lot of ground in terms of just how/what Nagato does in becoming more human, but there is room to develop that in her relations with the brigade and her conflicted relations with Asakura. (I guess my only worry is that there's not a guarantee, based on just the outline, that it will be covered amid the action.) Even so, this is only a concern assuming that your earlier goal of exploring Nagato's humanity is still a top priority.

I think in terms of developing Nagato's humanity further, the major question that would be good to think about as a starting point is when the question is raised for her actually suggesting a Brigade activity. From how she handles that, issues will probably arise that can be worked backwards and forwards throughout the fic, as a separate layer from all the action you described above.

It was this very thing I was alluding to earlier with Grahf.  The overall approach to Nagato's character is very different.  I think I could write a piece like the first outline if I didn't have the burden of a running actiony plot going alongside Nagato's quiet development.  The two storylines were just too different in terms of approach and goals for me to feel like they gelled.

So I've picked one avenue over the other, and...I think I'm comfortable with it.  The story is still a lot about Nagato; it probes at her desires, her relationships with the Brigade, and such, and now it all fits in with the plot.

But I agree with the basic sentiment that there's a lot of room for focus on her, for growth, but it's not all written out, and I think this is the aspect I'd like to improve before starting the story proper.

Thanks again for your thoughts; I think there are definitely some things I can take back to try to improve the outline.  Much appreciated.

[Grahf]

Spoiler: ShowHide

Decent question.  To me, it must involve Kyon in some way.  He's the one without powers to overtly oppose Asakura.  Asakura's arc here is that she's taken quick and efficient measures to assimilate others' experiences into her personality.  Is it right to phrase Asakura's goal as "trying to become human," or merely "trying to become more than an interface in service of the IDSE"?  Because she can do the latter well enough; it's the former that cannot be rushed, and without her putting value on her relationship with Nagato, there's no reason for her to want to be human (vs. just wanting to be more than what she was).

I'm not sure if that crucial point--Asakura's relationship with Nagato--makes the story better and more emotionally rewarding or more illogical and testing of suspension of disbelief.  So this is a point I'm open to opinions on.  It feels good to me, but not quite perfect.

I guess the largest issue here is that there pretty much can't be one without the other. I mean, I wouldn't see a reason for it to actually be Ryoko if not for some interplay between her and Yuki. There's the question that's been raised as to how much can be done without it being ponderous, but I personally don't see it as something illogical. Now, Ryoko herself on the other hand might actually question why she does seek Yuki's approval to any extent. Was it because Yuki bested her the first time? Or is there something more than that, something that even unconsciously she desires to have. Again, that's dependent on how Orange and Blue you ultimately want to make her morality.

[Muphrid]

Spoiler: ShowHide

You're quite right, Grahf: there is no point to using Asakura unless some focus on her relationship with Nagato is meant.  Otherwise, it could be any old interface.

I meant for Asakura's approach to be quick, easy, and efficient--for her, at least--but also missing the point.  Taking all those experiences from others doesn't make her more human.

So what does it do?  I admit, I think this is something I need to develop better.  Another question is what the data that Nagato discarded actually does to Asakura.  Again, when I originally conceived of this story as being about severing interfaces from the IDSE, it was data that gave Nagato freedom to leave.  Here, its role is more ambiguous.  One of the ways Asakura differs from Nagato is the ability to mimic emotion but with the corresponding lack of ability to feel.  On the other hand, it seems more likely that Nagato can feel or does feel in some way and simply lacks the ability to express those emotions well.

So one would think Nagato's data involves that ability to express emotion, but that she felt she couldn't just plop that into her personality without being unrecognizable (as Kyon found the Disappearance-world Nagato to be, well, just not really her).  But Asakura already has the ability to express or mimic emotion, so that doesn't seem satisfying.

Anyway, I'll have to ruminate on this point.  I think pinning down what this data does--and why it is deficient in and of itself for actual growth--will ultimately help shape what it is Asakura is trying to do and how she will have failed to do it, which is what Kyon will point out in the final confrontation.