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Front Mission 4: B-Movies, eat your heart out!

Started by Dracos, July 05, 2004, 03:11:25 PM

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Dracos

This is one of those games that really deserves a one liner review.  Those who want it, read the title, and stop there.

Those that want to waste their time can continue reading as I go over why you should not waste 50 hours of your life on this game.

Because you shouldn't.  Really.  The game has a kickass, for tactical strategy games, game portion.  It's a pity you spend so damned little of the time in it and they work their hardest to make it as uninteresting as possible.  While you are striving for these brief bits of pleasure and fun, the game will bombard you with cheesy dialogue written by a third grader who thought he had the BESTAST PLAT EVAR and proceeded with extremely visible double and triple double-crosses.  I put as the absolute clearest "I'm playing in a low budget crap military flick" scene when the generic black dude ("Heya Guys, I sorta just came out of nowhere!  How's it hangin'?") makes his appearence from NOWHERE suddenly in the middle of nowhere.  It's a real jaw dropper in how absolutely cheesy it is.  Don't take this as a recommendation though guys who like cheesy stuff.  It just goes beyond being funny.  It holds there for a very short time in which it is rather funny how bad it is, but it takes itself too seriously to be really funny and worth it and it just makes the overall shittiness even worse.

Graphics, sounds, damned if I care.  If you care about them in this game, you need your head screwed on better.  They aren't interesting enough to distract from the rest of the game.  That's about all I feel about saying.

Anyhow, back to the gameplay, the only part that isn't bloody painful.  The gameplay allows you to master every skill if you so choose.  If you do this, it will require roughly 50 hours of gameplay per character along with about seventy million button presses.  SELL YOUR THUMBS?  I know I wanted to cut mine off about midway through of the consistant 'all six of your guys need you to manually buy new stuff for them and spend two hours doing it'.  Needless to say the menus are streamlined, but it doesn't help at all since their is so much fucking crap to go through that you can spend hours on it.  Can you ignore it?  No.  And that's the bad part.  You cannot ignore the fact that you have to constantly upgrade your weapons, armor, and skills to stay competitive with the game and that you'll spend a good half the game in this state.

You want this experience?  go to your game collection and sort it.  Pretend it's a fancy mecha and optimize the coolness factor of the arrangement.  You'll save 50 bucks and thank me.

Dracos
Well, Goodbye.