POST OF THE DAY

[KLSymph]

Yub, yub, Commander.

[Brian]

From Hal: http://ikeaordeath.com/

[KLSymph]

I got 11 of 20.

Though I don't know much about death metal, so most of those names sound like IKEA products to me.

[Arakawa]

16 out of 20. I am far too acquainted with tacky Swedish furniture :-(

It reminds me of the unintentional (I hope) humour in some of the IKEA product names. Such as their worthlessly cheap SVALKA wine glasses, which are so flimsy I once accidentally bit one in half:

http://www.ikea.com/ca/en/catalog/categories/series/14889/

... SVALKA just so happens to mean 'garbage dump' in Russian.

[Yuthirin]

17/20

[thepanda]

16 out of 20. I am far too acquainted with tacky Swedish furniture :-(

It reminds me of the unintentional (I hope) humour in some of the IKEA product names. Such as their worthlessly cheap SVALKA wine glasses, which are so flimsy I once accidentally bit one in half:

http://www.ikea.com/ca/en/catalog/categories/series/14889/

... SVALKA just so happens to mean 'garbage dump' in Russian.

How do you bite a wine glass in half? o_O

[Yuthirin]

16 out of 20. I am far too acquainted with tacky Swedish furniture :-(

It reminds me of the unintentional (I hope) humour in some of the IKEA product names. Such as their worthlessly cheap SVALKA wine glasses, which are so flimsy I once accidentally bit one in half:

http://www.ikea.com/ca/en/catalog/categories/series/14889/

... SVALKA just so happens to mean 'garbage dump' in Russian.

How do you bite a wine glass in half? o_O

With your teeth!

[KLSymph]

From the annals of Dark Souls PVP.

In my previous post, I told the tale of a Darkwraith invader who didn't understand PVP.  Today goes to show that this also happens in the other direction.

I was invading in the second half of Sen's Fortress for dueling, and invaded another player who uses a Faith-based build.  Unlike the previous post, this was a long invasion.

I entered the world just before the boss door, so my victim could've ran for the door at any time and forced me out by going through, but instead he decided to go backwards through the level.  He tried to ambush me with Wrath of the Gods (an explosion spell) around a corner, which I preempted by spearing him through the wall in return.  He backed up farther, and had to run pretty far in order to avoid giant firebombs being rained down on both of us by the giant on top of Sen's Fortress, which would hurt him but not me due to me being an invader.  He maneuvered himself (poorly) between the firebomb explosions and the large Berenike mace knight (an enemy who, again, would not be a threat to me since I'm an invader) and enchanted his weapon with Sunlight Blade (a temporary lightning buff), which I didn't much care for, so whenever he advanced on me I retreated back into the firebombs.  This isn't the fairest tactic but Sunlight Blade is very dangerous and I didn't feel like dealing with that.  Besides, if you're WotG-ing around corners, we're not exactly honor dueling at that point, and I had already decided we're just doing a regular invasion.

Since he couldn't get to me, he tried to attack the mace knight, and I ran up to attack.  He broke off and retreated in the direction of the dead end past the knight.  I followed him down a long ladder, through a fortress parapet, and up a set of stairs, but when I saw that he had already killed Undead Prince Richard (a special enemy NPC), I knew he was trying to lure me into the tiny room at the dead end and I also heard him reapplying a weapon enchantment, so I went back to the mace knight.  Since he was quite a long distance from me, I started gesture at him, and he shot me with an arrow.

Oh, it's on now.

A long couple of minutes followed in which I pull out my own bow, and eventually my greatbow.  I shot at him with arrows, most of which he blocked.  He shot back at me too, but I don't think he got me a second time, while I hit him a handful of times.  It didn't matter, since arrows won't kill either of us and he was healing in between.  I had a full armament of 999 feather arrows (long range), moonlight arrows (magic damage), and Gough's Great Arrows (knockdown effect), but none of them did more than 200 damage or so even on a clean hit.  More importantly, he was also sniping the mace knight, and I was just trying to not let him do it without a challenge.  Otherwise, I was running in circles and dodging his shots, or just waving and praising the sun.

After a while of this, it became boring, so I let him finish off the mace knight and gestured him to come on up the ladder, which he did.  Without the mace knight, we started to fight each other.  He had some generic weapon, possibly a Sunlight Straight Sword, while I had a Balder Side Sword (both are simple long straight swords).  The only difference was that he tried to Wrath me again, but I dodged that easily.  He wasn't very aggressive without his buff, so we mostly circled each other in the somewhat tight confines of the parapet.  It turned out he was trying to backstab me, but when he did so, I was also going for the same.  His backstab predominated, but in Dark Souls when you get backstabbed while dealing damage to an opponent, you go through the animation without taking damage, so it didn't hurt me.  A little bit more circling, and this time I hit him with the backstab instead.  As he got up, I did a two-handed lunging thrust with the Balder Side Sword, which he dodged by rolling past me, but the roll was too short to avoid my second thrust.  This killed him.

I did the prostration gesture.  He indicted me for the invasion, which was reasonable since I did mess with him a lot, and I wanted to be indicted anyway (to attract Darkmoon invaders for more duels).  It was a pretty basic invasion, not even a real trolling one in my estimation.  I thought nothing of it.

All spellings and spacings are in the original.

From: Victim
Subject: p*ssy
you lagged my back stab no skill i cheating

...well, okay then.

To: Victim
Subject: Re:p*ssy
Another fine example of literacy in the Dark Souls community.

:)

From: Victim
Subject: Re:p*ssy
fu*k you your no  gamer a reel gamer plays for the love of the games not to cheat an mack up bull-sh*t . im sorry you're a coward

Adorable.  I'd explain to him that both simultaneous backstabs and lagstabs (or whatever "lagging his back stab" is supposed to mean) are legitimate quirks of Dark Souls PVP (they're the result of the game displaying a character's action before the opponent's action registered, causing a revert in game state) and not a sign of cheating, and that he was in New Game+ and was within my level 125's invasion range, so he should be no stranger to invasions, but honestly, would you bother?  It takes a special kind of person to send that message in response to a crack about your literacy.

DARK SOULS.

[Grahf]

At this point I'd very nearly suggest just starting a thread for these stories ... there seems to be no lack of them. Unfortunate in some way, amusing in more.

[KLSymph]

If only I could record PS3 footage, I'd upload to Youtube and show off this stuff.

[Brian]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qNhycX0XCJ0

Shami, why can't you be this cool?

[KLSymph]

Hello, I am writing in an unusual case ... Some time ago, I used your services, and one of your employees face was familiar to me. At dinner with my wife, it turned out that he was a burglar, who 5 years ago broke into our home!!! This is ridiculous!!! How you can hire criminals? I found at least 3 bad entries for him at website for background check!! I am sure there are more!!! Please do something about it, things like that are ridiculous!!!
--
Kathie

Alas, seeing the face of an AA employee is like looking beneath the mask of the Red Death: you will experience, as Poe wrote, "sharp pains, and sudden dizziness, and then profuse bleeding at the pores" before you die of plague.

Have a nice day!

[Anastasia]

The fuck the what now? The AA has employees?

[KLSymph]

You fool, do not pull at the mask!

[KLSymph]

Here's a question for you: Of those involved in the incident below—



—who would you say should receive more money as a result?

• the student being sprayed in the face
• the police officer spraying her
• all the students should get equal amounts
• no one should be paid anything
• I am not going to think about this because I think I know the answer and it would confirm that the universe makes no sense so la la la la la I'm not listening.

The answer is, of course...