I am Jack's Omnipresent Cold/Flu

[Brian]

Hello there, squishy humans.  This is the voice of Jack's Omnipresent Cold/Flu.  I'm using my most recent host to allow you to prepare your weak bodies for my imminent invasion.

You may notice me coming when you catch a sudden chill, or start running a temparature.  At this point, my elite military forces have already invaded strategic points of your immune system -- no resistance is possible.

From there, you'll enjoy my  opressive regime, as I re-order all white blood cells to work in the phlegm mines, producing our most bountiful and precious resource.  Then, we'll start the strep-mining (I slay me!) of your throat.  You may notice severe pain, nausea, diziness, and potentially death at this stage.  Don't seek medical advice; we've secured a MAD-pact with most men of medicine, and those who exist ourside of the bounds of our contract are madmen.  They are not to be trusted.

Come on, would I lie to you?  Of course not!  I want your systems to be in good condition when I take over, so here's a few pointers to make yourselves ready for our inevitable takeover:

1.) Do not drink beverages which contain high amounts of vitamin C.
2.) Do not keep yourself properly hydrated.
3.) Do not attempt to treat any symptoms whatsoever, and above all:
4.) If you have a friend who is sick/contageous, attend them at all times.

Remember, folks, Germocracy is the way of the future!

[Music-chan]

*plots an overthrow*

[Jason_Miao]

PHAGE~!


(Sorry, couldn't resist)

[Ragnar]

PHAGE~!

I'm going to petition the government to invest money in a device that will allow me to smack other people over the internet.