Coming Home to Roost [Ranma Crossover, Humor, Unfinished]

[RangerShade]

Coming Home to Roost
by Shade

Disclaimer: Takahashi, Akamatsu and others own the characters used.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It all started with a letter.

The plain yellow envelope was delivered in the afternoon and picked up along with the rest
of the mail by Kasumi Tendo. Seeing that it was addressed to the younger of their two houseguests,
she took it into the room that the Saotomes used as their own. There she found Ranma lying
on the floor, dozing off into his textbook assignment.

Shaking her head in amusement, she bent down to gently shake his shoulder.

One eye sleepily cracked halfway open as she made contact.

"Geh...Kasumi? What is it?"

"There's a letter here for you, Ranma."

Groaning slightly, the pigtailed young man stretched out on his arms and legs, joints
popping slightly as he shook his head like a long eared dog to pull himself into full
awareness.

"Thanks Kasumi. It's probably another challenge from Ryoga or something like that."

Still yawning into one hand, he reached out and took the proffered envelope with
the other. Using his index fingernail, he slit it open and slid out the folded
letter inside.

Opening it up, he started scanning it without much interest.

Kasumi first realized that something was wrong when she noticed that Ranma seemed
to have turned to stone, his features a ghostly grey white and his entire body frozen
stiff in place. Bulging eyes communicated a terror far beyond mere words and for
a few seconds she was certain that he was going to faint dead away.

"Is something wrong," she asked hesitatingly.

Slowly signs of life returned to Saotome's still pale features.

"I'm doomed," he whispered in a tone devoid of all hope or thought of escape.

After all, where could he run to? They'd simply track him down again and just be
in a worse mood when they finally got a hold of him. It was the kind of moment
where one typically requires the entrance of a sympathetic ear and a shoulder to cry on.

Ranma's father Genma walked in instead.

"What's the matter with you, boy? You look like something the cat dragged in."

It was a testament to just how badly he was shaken that Ranma didn't even flinch
at the mention of the dreaded creature.

"They've found us."

"What, those stupid bill collectors again? What have I told you before, boy?
It's fast or it's free when it comes to dining out."

Ranma shook his head in exasperated negation.

"No Pops, you don't understand. *They* found us."

He shot his father a meaningful look. Slowly the light of comprehension began
to dawn on the older man's face. His face paled to match that of his son's.

"Oh Hell."

Yeah, that about summed it up for the two of them.

Genma wasted no time after that. He pulled his worn backpack out and started
shoveling in all the basic necessities for life on the road.  

"Hurry up, Ranma. We can be out of the city and in the mountains training
by nightfall if we're quick."

When the young man made no move to comply, the older man turned back towards him.

"What are you waiting for?! Get a move on," he yelled impatiently.

"They wrote that if either of us runs, we'll get it in the end."

Genma froze as the chill fingers of the Reaper settled on his back.

That was the scary thing about them. When they said something like that,
they *meant* it. He hung his head in defeat and abandoned the still open backpack.

"So what are you going to do, boy?"

"I dunno about you, but I'm gonna go and get thoroughly drunk."

"But what good will that do," a bewildered Kasumi finally managed to ask.

"Well it sure as heck can't hurt."

Despite their impending doom, Genma found himself starting to chuckle
at his son's deadpan tone.

"Sounds like a plan. Let me just call your mother over first and then I'll join you."

Ranma nodded absently as he made a beeline towards the sitting room where Soun kept the good stuff.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Kasumi, is dinner ready yet?"

Akane and Nabiki paused to kick off their shoes before entering through the front hall.
It had been a pleasant afternoon devoid of the usual weirdness and violence
that only seemed to take place when Ranma was around. Of course Akane had yet
to realize that her older sister had mooched off of her for most of the shopping
they'd done and was planning on quietly borrowing the rest at the first good opportunity.

The sky was in the final fading stages of reddish twilight, a sharp contrast to the brightly
lit interior of the house. Both girls were looking forward to a set table and a good
meal, it was hard work trying on clothes and spending money like it was going out of style.

But to their surprise the dining table was still bare and no delicious smells
emanated from the direction of the kitchen.

"Kasumi?"

Puzzled, Akane started looking for her older sister to remind her to start cooking
for them. It was then that she noticed there seemed to be some kind of commotion
coming from the Saotome's room. As she headed there, the strong odor of heavy duty
sake mingled with the even smellier aroma of hard liquor hit her in the face like
a brick wall.

"Ugggh! It stinks!"

Eyes watering, Akane finally managed to slide the door open.

"..."

It was just as bad as she'd feared.

Dozens of empty bottles littered the floor. The culprits responsible for the
mess were carousing about the room, dancing a jig like they didn't care about
the spectacle they were making of themselves.

And even worse, they were singing!

   "Down a bottle of the very best,
         Put some hair on that chest.
        Swig it around, don't be late
        Let that whiskey permeate."

While her fiance's female form had a relatively nice singing voice,
his male form couldn't carry a tune without shattering it into a million
pieces. That lack of talent combined with his father's attempt at a duet
made it an ordeal on par with having one's eardrums scraped raw by bits
of broken glass soaked in lye.

And Akane could have done *without* that view of Genma's hairy chest thank you very much!

   "What good are men today,
   Such silly boys who'd rather play.
   But they've a use to be found,
   Just pull their pants to the ground."

"Ka-Kasumi?!"

Akane stared with horrified fascination at the sight of her oldest sister.
The normally docile young woman's cheeks glowed with the cheerful blush
of alcohol as she lustily sang one bawdy limerick after another. With her
normally neatly tied long hair all askew and a scandalous amount of leg
and cleavage peeping out from her mussed clothing, Kasumi presented the
very picture of what Akane had always imagined was an "easy girl".

But how had this happened? The eldest Tendo daughter had never done
anything like this before. Had the pervert taken advantage of her?!

The unspoken question as to how Kasumi had arrived at her current state was soon
answered as Ranma noticed the lack of fermented grain liquid being ingested by
the singing girl.

Skipping lightly across the room, he snagged one of the few remaining unopened bottles
on a table and popped off the seal with his thumb. Upon reaching his target Ranma
hefted the bottle up and slid the dripping neck past her moist pink lips without
resistance. Kasumi took to it like a baby going after her mother's milk.

"Chug! Chug! Chug!"

Ranma and Genma cheered their compatriot on as before Akane's disbelieving eyes
the level of liquid in the bottle of 90 proof Taipei rice wine dropped at an
alarming rate.

When the last drop had been drained away, Kasumi pulled the mouth of the bottle out
and tilted it neck down over the floor to show that it was empty.

The two males in the room applauded drunkenly.

Flush with this latest infusion of booze, the normally prim and proper housekeeper
tossed the empty bottle aside, only Akane's belated diving catch managed to save
the floor from a shower of broken glass.

Heedless of youngest sister's dramatic save, Kasumi started pulling at her suddenly
restrictive clothing. Off came her baby chick apron, followed shortly by her top and
long skirt. Soon she was clad in nothing but a simple pink bra with matching panties
and a smile. Ranma and Genma roared their approval and then proceeded to catch up
with the drinking again.

"Kasumi! What are you doing," Akane screamed from her position on the floor.

"Wheeeeeee!"

Getting up on the table, the half-naked Tendo girl proceeded to do her best imitation
of a French Can-Can. That this routine normally requires a long skirt, petticoats
and stockings did not impede her attempt in any fashion whatsoever.

At this point the youngest Tendo daughter had finally had enough.

She let the bottle roll out of her hands onto the floor and got to her feet.
Turning towards the only possible cause for all of this insanity disrupting
her normal order of things, she grabbed the target of her ire by the collar
of his shirt and slammed him up against the nearest available wall.

"Alright Ranma, what did you do to my sister?!"

"Oh 'Kane, you need a drink too. No time like the present," he hiccuped.

"How dare you get my sister drunk like that!"

"Ah she's having a great time 'r now. Let 'er hair down, be happy," Ranma giggled at that.

Why had he ever stopped drinking in the first place? He'd forgotten how good it felt
to not have a single care in the world, even in the face of a fate even worse then
a fate worse then death come tomorrow. Even the scowling features of his violent
soon to be an ex-fiancee wasn't enough to dampen the alcohol inspired giddiness.
His father was right after all. Drinking was the solution, not the problem.

"Hey, are you even listening to me?!"

Fuck her. Fuck them all. It didn't fucking matter anymore. He was royally fucked anyway.
It was time to let it all fucking out to Akane. Let her fucking know where she really
fucking stood with him.

"Hey Akane. I always wanted ta' tell ya-," he murmured softly with a cheerful smile on his face.

Akane blinked in surprise before leaning in closer to hear his words.
Despite herself, her heart skipped a beat. Could it be, could he actually
be willing to say what he always refused to when he was sober?

"I really, really..."

"Yes? Go on," she urged him eagerly. Hah! Take *that*, Ukyo and Shampoo!

Ranma's face suddenly paled. His cheeks started to bulge out as he gulped
frantically and his pallor took on a slight greenish grey tinge.

"Hey, what are you...you wouldn't dare! NO!!"

*BLEEEEAAAARRRGGHHH*

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!"

"Hey Akane, what's with all the screaming? Damn, it really reeks in here."

"Whoopshie!"

"Gah! Uncle Genma, get off me! You're heavy and you stink!!"

"Do'n feel so good, lil 'biki."

"Hey, now wait a minute-"

***BLEEEAAAAAARGHHHHHHHHHHGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRAAAAAMMMMMMMMAAAAAAAAAAA***

"IIIIIIIIIIYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Work in Progress...

[thepanda]

Ok, you've managed to do something that hasn't occured is quite some time.

I'm actually interested in a Ranma-fic again. o_O

[RangerShade]

Soun Tendo smiled as he arrived at his home early in the morning. Regrettably last night's
local council meeting had taken longer then expected and he'd had to make do with an udon stall
and a capsule motel for the night. He was looking forward to a proper Kasumi prepared breakfast.

But to his surprise, when he entered his home he found that the only thing out on the dining table
was a pot of still steaming tea. One eyebrow quirked up as he finally noticed that his daughters
and houseguests sitting there also seemed to be unusually quiet for such a fine morning.

"Good morning everyone! When will breakfast be-"

"Would you mind keeping it down!"

Soun blinked in surprise as his best friend and future son-in-law growled at him in chorus.

"Well now, whatever seems to be-"

The words trailed off as he finally realized that both men were looking at him with
reddened bloodshot eyes that promised to introduce him to new experiences of pain
and suffering if he didn't lower his voice. Perhaps it was only his imagination
running wild, but he could have sworn that his sweet and lovely daughter Kasumi
was also glaring daggers at him. But that couldn't be right. Kasumi would never be
upset with her loving father who only wanted what was best for her.

"Ah, did something happen last night," Soun asked in a much more hushed tone.

"Yeah, you could say that," Ranma snorted before wincing in pain from the sudden motion.

"Dirty. Dirty. Never going to be clean. Never going to be clean again," Akane mumbled to herself
over and over as she hugged her arms together around her sides.

"Oh will you knock it off already, Miss Drama Queen. I said I was sorry."

"Genma?"

Soun turned towards his friend questioningly.

The older Saotome took a quick sip of tea as he tried to think of a proper response.
Proper in this case being one that wouldn't result in his best friend trying to
skin him alive for getting his oldest daughter drunk and then letting the other two
apples of his eye experience the unforgettable sensations of being vomited on by him
and his son.

Of course it probably wouldn't have been so bad if Akane and Nabiki hadn't
decided to resort to violence in the middle of the event. They'd learned the
hard way that punching someone who was powerpuking on you in the gut only
changed the firehose torrent into something out of the Exorcist.

"Ah...ask me later."

Though still puzzled, Soun nodded anyway. After all, it wasn't like his
best friend in the whole world would try to hide something from him, right?

"Yo Pops, don't forget to pick up the stuff we talked about today."

"I know, I know. Quit nagging, boy."

"Fat chance of that, old man. If I'm going down then you're sure as hell coming
along for the ride."

Genma shuddered involuntarily.

"Fine, I get your point."

The older man finished his tea and placed the cup back on the table.

"It'll still take awhile to get it all together. Think you can hold out that long, son?"

"No, not really," Ranma answered in a glum tone.

"Just remember to use the old Saotome charm. And if all else fails, beg for mercy."

"Genma, is there something you'd like to tell me," interrupted Soun with a note of
confusion in his voice. Was he missing something here?

"It's nothing. Oh by the way, Ranma's mother will probably be stopping by today to see us."

That last part finally snapped through Akane's stupor.

"Are you nuts?! Have you forgotten what'll happen she finds out that *that*-" she sputtered,
jabbing her finger in Ranma's direction forcefully.

Ranma rolled his eyes.  

"Look, the worst she can do is make me slit my belly open before chopping my head off."

"And what do you call that?!"

"Getting off easy."

Akane's mouth hung open as her retort died unspoken.

"well what are you waiting for? If you don't hurry up, we'll be late for school."

Ranma finished his cup of tea and grabbed his bookbag with the carelessness of
a condemned man being led to the gallows.

Nabiki gently used a finger to push her younger sister's jaw back into place and
murmered softly about putting the service charge on her tab before leaving after
the pigtailed youth.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"So care to tell just what exactly the hell is going on, Saotome?"

"Nope."

Nabiki's right eye twitched in irritation.

"What, are you scared," she taunted sarcastically.

"Yep," he replied absently.

Nabiki almost choked on her tongue in surprise.

"Hey! Wait for me!"

Neither the pigtailed boy or the pagecut schoolgirl slowed their steady pace,
so it took longer for the frantically running shorthaired tomboy to catch up
to the two of them on the sidewalk.

"I told you to slow down, you jerk!"

Ranma didn't bother to respond, his head was constantly scanning his surroundings
as he walked, paying particular attention to the rooftops and windows overhead.
Every time a stray sunbeam reflecting off of a glass pane or metal windchime
caught his eye he involuntarily tensed and started to dive for cover before
catching himself. At least none of the damn cats napping in the morning warmth
on the brick walls was ebony in color, they were mostly tabbies along with
a few fleabitten tomcats. And there was no sign of Shippu in the sky.

But *they* were out there somewhere, watching and waiting for him. And he was fucked
six ways from Sunday when they finally got their hands on him. Ranma Saotome considered
himself a premier martial artist, but even he had no illusions as to his chances against
any of them one on one, let alone together.

After all, he'd seen them in action before. It had been a couple of years ago,
but he doubted that they'd gotten anything but better since then. Frankly,
Ranma would have preferred to face an army of horny Musk Dynasty perverts
in female form with both arms broken rather then confront the most terrifying
force he knew of in the entire universe.

"Are you even listening to me?!"

"Not at all."

The youngest Tendo daughter started to develop a dangerous blue glowing aura.

"Look Akane, why don't you and your sister go make yourselves useful and keep an eye out
for anything strange," Ranma spoke casually, unperturbed by the sounds of knuckles
cracking in preparation for acts of extreme violence on his person.

"And what exactly should we be looking for, Saotome?"

There had to be some way to make some easy money off of this.
Nabiki knew it was only a matter of finding it and exploiting it.

"Any funny looking pale feathered long necked birds flying around, black c-cats
and/or shiny objects on the roof where they shouldn't be. You know, something
out of place here."

Nabiki and Akane blinked in surprise, the latter coming out of her fury to stare
as her older sister pointed in the direction that had just caught their attention
as they reached the main entrance of the school grounds.

"You mean like the bird that just landed on that lady's shoulder over there?"

"Yeah, like tha-"

There was a pause as Ranma froze in midstep. Ever so slowly his head rotated
to the right of the school gates. That was Shippu alright, the bird familiar
of the Aoyama Clan. And there was no mistaking the undeniably feminine form
contained within the fine white uwagi and bright red hakama even with the
oversized bamboo hat pulled down in the front to conceal the figure's face
from view.

"oh fuck," he squeaked out.

"Greetings, my husband."

Tsuruko Aoyama. His second wife.


-WIP

-Shade :D

[Liddo-kun]

Heh.  You've sure been on a Love Hina kick, Shade-taro.  <_<

Keep it up.  I'm interested in seeing where you take this.

[KIJIN]

Glad to see ya writing again, Shade.

Lol! Finally, someone else other than the less than impressive Urashima Keitaro (who's definitely a blatant author avatar) is gonna get some hot-jungle-lovin' from a Love Hina fighting femme!

2nd Wife?!?!? You mean he has more than one?

Now, how did Ranma get into a polygamous union w/ several women all at once? And w/ the allusion that they're all older, more experienced, and definitely higher up the Power scale than he is, is he gonna be the an eternal whipping boy-toy? (not that I'd mind that happening to me >_< ).

[RangerShade]

Glad to see ya writing again, Shade.

Lol! Finally, someone else other than the less than impressive Urashima Keitaro (who's definitely a blatant author avatar) is gonna get some hot-jungle-lovin' from a Love Hina fighting femme!

Yo. ^_^

2nd Wife?!?!? You mean he has more than one?

Yep.

Now, how did Ranma get into a polygamous union w/ several women all at once? And w/ the allusion that they're all older, more experienced, and definitely higher up the Power scale than he is, is he gonna be the an eternal whipping boy-toy? (not that I'd mind that happening to me >_< ).

Well two out of three isn't bad. ^_^

[RangerShade]

It had been a normal school morning with all of the usual student
chatter right up until the moment those magic words were uttered.

"Greetings, my husband."

All conversation ceased in an instant as every boy and girl within earshot
simultaneously turned their heads towards the unusual spectacle of the resident
pigtailed martial artist standing frozen like a deer staring down the barrel of
a 12 gauge shotgun.

"HUSBAND?!"

Chaos erupted as a crowd of shouting and gesturing teenagers swarmed around
the various persons of interest.

"Akane, is this true?!"

"Is Ranma cheating on you again?!"

Yuka and Sayuri popped up on either side of their startled classmate
and started the verbal barrage.

Akane's brain was still rebooting from that unexpected bombshell.
Sure there had been Shampoo and Ukyo, but neither girl had ever spoken
those words with the assured credibility that this Yamato Nadesico did.
All she could do was stare in disbelief at the Ranma shaped stone
statue in front of her while her own open mouth made unintelligible noises.

"Saotome, is this true?!"

"How dare you get such a hot babe like that when you already have Akane,
Shampoo, Ukyo, Kodachi and Miss Hinako!"

"Yeah, leave some for the rest of us!"

"But maybe this means Akane is finally available?"

"Hiro my man, forget Akane. I mean, will you look at that new chick?
I'd totally hit on it like a pair of bongo drums."

"Yeah you got a-"

*WHAM*

"Hey wait a-"

*WHAM*

Ranma snapped out of his horrified paralysis just in time to catch the unsavory
direction that Hiroshi and Daisuke's conversation was going. The solid backhands
to their faces was an instinctual reaction.

"Guys, you keep talking about her like that
and you'll never eat solid food again. Got it?"

Turning back to Tsuruko, his pulse raced frantically as he noticed the faint smile
on her lips.

<WIP>

[KIJIN]

....That's it? You left us hanging. Again. You must really get a thrill out of letting us pine for more scraps from your fanfic table, don't ya?
:evil:

A thought just occurred to me. Are his wives all related to each other?!

Just so you know, I'll make it clear that I know Keitaro is Akamatsu's none-too-subtle, ego-tripping, self-insert. NOT yours.

At least, I hope not >_<.

[RangerShade]

Turning back to Tsuruko, his heart skipped a beat as he noticed the faint smile
on her lips. He couldn't see her eyes with the hat in the way, but her
fingers were still well away from the grip of her sword which was a good sign.

It seemed his chivalrous action had bought him a few more seconds to come up
with an explanation for his wife that would not involve him discovering a whole
new definition of pain and suffering at her hands.

"Uh...hey honey. You look beautiful. Um, I really can explain-"

"And who are they, Dearest?"

There was just the faintest trace of steel in the undertone of her silky voice.

Ranma gulped audibly. A cold sweat started to break out as he watched her left hand
slowly start to drift towards the hilt of her sheathed katana.

"Oh those two girls? Nobody important, just that me and pops are kinda guests at their home
because of their old man and he's got this stupid idea of trying to unite the schools
and I swear on my life that I never cheated on you with either of them because really
they're just not my type and did I mention that it's not my fault-," he babbled frantically.

"Ah, I see. Well that's okay then," Tsuruko said as she gave him an enthusiastic thumbs up.

Ranma almost collapsed in relief as the wide brim of swordwoman's woven hat came down
and he was finally able to see her normal twinkling eyes rather then the terrifying
demon gaze of the Shinmeiryuu battle/punishment mode.

"Excuse me. Who are you calling nobody?"

The frost in Nabiki's voice more then made up for her sister's lack of a response,
being as Akane and pretty much the rest of the entire student body had gone flying
in every direction at the strange woman's totally unexpected reaction to Ranma's
painfully inept explanation.

'So she's your wife?"

"Yes."

"So where's her ri-"

Nabiki gawked at the shiny gold ring on Tsuruko's outstretched finger.

"You would not believe what I had to go through to pay for that."

Oh ho! The middle Tendo daughter smelled opportunity here.

"But what about that passionate performance in the theatre?
What will my poor sister think of you just taking her lips
like that?"

Ranma could have cheerfully strangled Nabiki at that moment
for bringing up that particular piece of old history.

Tsuruko's gaze sharpened on him.

"School Play. Tape over the Mouth," he blurted out quickly.

"Ah."

Her features relaxed once again.

Disappointed by the lack of reaction to her verbal ploy,
Nabiki decided to try again.

"And how about the time you cradled me in your arms?
How could you forget about that?"

"She fell from the roof. If I could do it all over again,
I'd let her fall flat on her ungrateful butt."

He was definitely going to kill the middle Tendo daughter, he decided.
No, wait. That would be letting her off too easy. He'd have to come up
with something really nasty for her, provided he survived the next
couple of minutes of course.

"I see."

Tsuruko didn't seem to walk so much as glide gracefully across
the ground towards him. As she approached, it took all of Ranma's
willpower to keep his quivering knees from knocking together as
conflicting memories of unimaginable pleasure and mind destroying
terror intermingled in his racing mind.

When she was only two feet in front of him, she stopped.

"Now tell me, my husband. Why did you depart so hastily from me?"

Despite the cheerful tone of her words, Ranma's features turned bone white.

"Well you see, that is I kinda thought you needed time to cool down.
I mean, it was an awkward situation and all. What with-"

"With my finding you and Yuriko naked in bed, you mean?"

Ranma's life flashed before his eyes.
There was no escape this time.

"And who exactly is this Yuriko, Saotome," Nabiki asked dryly.

His response was bleak.

"My Mother-in-law."

-End Chapter 1

*Insert Evil Laughter Here*

[RangerShade]

Coming Home to Roost
by Shade

Takahashi, Akamatsu and others own the characters used.

Warning: Strong Language, Suggestive Situations and a Sick Sense of Humor

----------------------------------------
Chapter 2: Kiss Your Fucking Ass Goodbye
----------------------------------------

There was a long moment of dead silence.

And then the Horde was up and charging towards him.

""RANMA, YOU PERVERT!!!"

"How could you cheat on such a sexy wife with some old bag, Saotome?!!"

"DIE, ENEMY OF ALL WOMEN!!"

Ranma closed his eyes in resigned expectation.
He didn't want to watch what was coming next.

He could feel the pressure of Tsuruko's battleaura pressing
against his prickling skin like a building thunderstorm as
he hastily emptied out all thought and emotion, trying to
make his own aura as small and unnoticable as possible.

All of her senses suddenly tingling, Nabiki decided that
it would be wise if she got out of the way.

Akane was at the head of the angry pack with a hockey stick 'borrowed'
from one of the jocks. She raised it up high in preparation for a blow
to the head that would rattle the school windows when it connected.

And then a force like a category five hurricane suddenly smashed head on
into her. She found herself being tossed backwards into the air like
a dry maple leaf. All around her the sky was filled with a mob of equally
surprised boys blasted every which way by that invisible wave of unstoppable force.

The pigtailed boy let out a small sigh of relief as he slumped slightly
forward. The Evil Cutting Strike Second Form still scared the bejeezus out
of him even when he wasn't the target. He still remembered seeing his wife
use it on her own kid sister without hesitation. Poor Motoko had wet herself
in fright. Fortunately his bladder was stronger then hers.

A great many dull thuds of warm bodies falling painfully onto the ground
followed shortly thereafter.

"Now then, if we may continue without further interruptions?"

The remainder of the student bodies still standing started nodding frantically.

"Thank you. Now then, Dearest?"

Cautiously Ranma's eyes peeked open. When they met the steady gaze of
the still smiling Tsuruko, it was akin to a mouse suddenly staring up
at a hungry waiting lion. Never had he been so tempted to break
the first of the three cardinal rules of his marriage then at that
precise moment.

Rule 1: Never Lie to Them. Ever.

No matter how scary Tsuruko could be when she was angry, that paled
in comparision to what she was capable of when she found out she
was being lied to. And that was true for the others as well.

"I-I thought she was you. By the time I figured it out it was too late
and then you walked in and-"

"And you fled."

The young man nodded dejectedly. Being afraid for his life and manhood
was no excuse for running away like a coward. Even if he had been only
thirteen years old. But Pop's words had made so much sense at the time.

'Son, you fucked up.'

'What am I gonna do?! What am I gonna do?!'

'Look, calm down. I tell you what we'll do. We'll send a postcard letting
them know you're going on an extended training trip but we won't tell them where.
Give her a couple of years to cool down and she'll forget all about it.'

'You really think it'll work?'

'Don't worry, it's a tried and true technique of the Saotome family.'

'Okay.'

In retrospect, that had been one of the stupidest things he'd ever done.

"How lame! Couldn't you come up with a better excuse then that?!"

"Like anyone would believe you could confuse your wife with her mother!
Do you think we're all idiots that we'd believe such a crazy story like that?"

Yuka and Sayuri both glared at him, suddenly united in their belief that Akane
was right after all. Ranma really was nothing more then a sick pervert.

"Excuse me?"

Ranma glared right back at the two of them and their self-righteous stance wilted
slightly under the intensity of his outrage at having his honesty questioned.
He wasn't married to either one of them, which meant that he didn't have to put
up with that kind of shit.

With an almost audible growl, Ranma reached inside his shirt and pulled out a small round
metal picture frame. He thrust it out towards the two suddenly uncertain schoolgirls like
a cross being brandished towards a vampire.

"Here! Take a look for yourselves."

Yuka and Sayuri blinked in surprise and then came closer, not noticing that
Tsuruko had lifted one hand to her mouth to hide a small laugh.

The duo carefully studied the picture before turning back towards Ranma
with matching frowns on their features.

"Really, Ranma. A cheesecake picture of your wife posing in a string bikini doesn't explain anything at all."

"That's *not* my wife."

>Earthquake this morning caused a slight delay, sorry. And yes, we're fine. -Shade

>Prior chapters now available at http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3170758/1/[/i]

[Dracos]

I...don't really recognize Ranma or the others here.  I have trouble buying into the story which makes the ramping motion so far really hard to track.

Reasons why:

Others:

They mention at points folks he's never had relationships with in relationships.  

They stay around and spend tremendous interest in him, more sometimes coming out of no where and creating a muddy scene.  Too many characters, too little clarity on who says what which only adds to the sense that there's one voice speaking through many characters without regard for their character or motivations in speaking.  Seeing Yuka and Sayuri acting as judge and jury on Ranma...is odd.  There's so many other more suitable characters even standing around on that, most notably Nabiki who was acting as interrogator before until magically they replace her.  Even the descriptive entrance of 'more' characters "The Horde" contributes to a sort of off-hand 'oh yeah, and then there's more people there'.

Akane/Fiancees?:

All I can tell is Akane being there of the fiancees.  I'm not sure if others showed up or Kuno due to the muddiness of earlier, but in general there's tremendously little reaction from the fiancee that's not slapstick.  It was weird with the fiancees that are on camera never being even primary characters.  Nabiki and Kasumi both heavily overshadow Akane, and the others are just named.  This...feels awkward.  We're dealing with wives, but rather than them being in conflict with the current 'love interests', they're in conflict with...  Nabiki?  That just seems off to me.

Ranma/Genma:

The history in context doesn't seem to match with the series.  This isn't a problem save we're starting well into the series and Ranma's behaviour doesn't seem so...consistent.  Ranma at all playing along with the fiancee stuff doesn't seem to work with him being in a polygomous marriage.

Indeed, the behavior seems to change massively during it and the way of thinking doesn't so much seem to follow from the events.  Changes are fine, but this is about a 24 hour period that he's given things that don't really even match with their original setup.  So Ranma drinks...okay, buyable.  But Ranma going from commenting on others doing horrible things to... horrible things he does to nabiki?  Um?  He's scared and low status compared  to his wife(s), but he acts tremendously higher than everyone else in the cast, with the exception of Genma...who he's buddy buddy Equal with?  He's not heard of these characters in years(?!?), but he has bikini photographs in his pocket?  Bikini photographs that qualify as cheesecake in a metal frame of his mother in law?  A marriage at 13 years old?  prior to the whole jyusenkyou things?

Bikini pictures and mother in laws slipping into a 13 year old non-enhanced ranma's bed?

...um?  Yeah, too many weird things too soon with Ranma and a general muddiness in the delivery of other characters.

[RangerShade]

They mention at points folks he's never had relationships with in relationships.  

I assume you're referring to the boys mentioning the fiancees, Kodachi & Hinako. The Kodachi one is inferred, but they all assumed he was attacking Hinako originally, and it's not that far of a stretch to portray them as still holding that false belief despite all evidence to the contrary.

They stay around and spend tremendous interest in him, more sometimes coming out of no where and creating a muddy scene.  Too many characters, too little clarity on who says what which only adds to the sense that there's one voice speaking through many characters without regard for their character or motivations in speaking.  

? I tried to keep the character speeches relatively consistant. Not that many people are actually talking, most of it is back and forth between 2 people at a time. As for the motivations, I thought it was pretty clear, could you point out which ones you had trouble with?

Seeing Yuka and Sayuri acting as judge and jury on Ranma...is odd.  

I was rereading some of the manga vols and watching some of the anime eps when I noticed that they do that. Most notably when Akane's hair was chopped and during Ukyo's and Hinako's intros.

There's so many other more suitable characters even standing around on that, most notably Nabiki who was acting as interrogator before until magically they replace her.  Even the descriptive entrance of 'more' characters "The Horde" contributes to a sort of off-hand 'oh yeah, and then there's more people there'.

They didn't replace her, they butted in without invitation. The scene has Ranma being peppered from different directions to keep him off balance.
It didn't look right to have only Nabiki asking all the questions.

Akane/Fiancees?:

All I can tell is Akane being there of the fiancees.  I'm not sure if others showed up or Kuno due to the muddiness of earlier, but in general there's tremendously little reaction from the fiancee that's not slapstick.

No fiancee interaction yet. There hasn't been enough time for Akane to thnk about things either.

It was weird with the fiancees that are on camera never being even primary characters.  Nabiki and Kasumi both heavily overshadow Akane, and the others are just named.  This...feels awkward.  We're dealing with wives, but rather than them being in conflict with the current 'love interests', they're in conflict with...  Nabiki?  That just seems off to me.

I haven't developed a conflict between the wives and the fiancees because I've only introed one wife and it hasn't developed to the point where that kind of interaction is possible yet. Nabiki is more on the ball at the moment then her sister, though Kasumi didn't have as much on scene time as Akane. Her descriptions just came out more because of the situational humor.

Ranma/Genma:

The history in context doesn't seem to match with the series.  This isn't a problem save we're starting well into the series and Ranma's behaviour doesn't seem so...consistent.  Ranma at all playing along with the fiancee stuff doesn't seem to work with him being in a polygomous marriage.

I admit to playing a little fast and loose with the history here. In my defense, Takahashi designed it so sloppily and with so many internal inconsistencies already that I figured it wouldn't be too unbelievable.

Indeed, the behavior seems to change massively during it and the way of thinking doesn't so much seem to follow from the events.  Changes are fine, but this is about a 24 hour period that he's given things that don't really even match with their original setup.  So Ranma drinks...okay, buyable.  But Ranma going from commenting on others doing horrible things to... horrible things he does to nabiki?  Um?  He's scared and low status compared  to his wife(s), but he acts tremendously higher than everyone else in the cast, with the exception of Genma...who he's buddy buddy Equal with?  He's not heard of these characters in years(?!?), but he has bikini photographs in his pocket?  Bikini photographs that qualify as cheesecake in a metal frame of his mother in law?  A marriage at 13 years old?  prior to the whole jyusenkyou things?

Bikini pictures and mother in laws slipping into a 13 year old non-enhanced ranma's bed?

...um?  Yeah, too many weird things too soon with Ranma and a general muddiness in the delivery of other characters.

He's gone from top frog in a small pond to bottom of the food chain in the big blue. Nabiki is making trouble that he knows could hurt him a lot, and he doesn't appreciate it. And in a crisis, as he did during the breaking point, the shishihokodan, and the way of the thief, he goes to his old man for help.  Not neccissarily buddy-buddy, but a father who's the closest thing to a confidant for him. Mind you, not a good one, but beggers can't be choosers.

Yeah, the muse was smoking something when she came up with this. All the weirdness is her fault.

[Dracos]

They mention at points folks he's never had relationships with in relationships.  

I assume you're referring to the boys mentioning the fiancees, Kodachi & Hinako. The Kodachi one is inferred, but they all assumed he was attacking Hinako originally, and it's not that far of a stretch to portray them as still holding that false belief despite all evidence to the contrary.

It isn't.  But as I mentioned, a lot of my problem with the scene is that it's muddy.  Things happen quickly and sometimes without great clarity.  This is a weird thing.  It's an explainable weird thing, but is it really necessary?  I urge to identify what helps communicate your scene and what is added fluff that, whether interesting additions or not, isn't relevant to the communication.  This would be clearly not that relevant to it.

They stay around and spend tremendous interest in him, more sometimes coming out of no where and creating a muddy scene.  Too many characters, too little clarity on who says what which only adds to the sense that there's one voice speaking through many characters without regard for their character or motivations in speaking.  

? I tried to keep the character speeches relatively consistant. Not that many people are actually talking, most of it is back and forth between 2 people at a time. As for the motivations, I thought it was pretty clear, could you point out which ones you had trouble with?

Yuka and Sayuri obviously, though you've got an explanation for that.  The mess of comments from the horde.  Rereading, the real thing I think that bothers me is that there's a range of what should be effectively 'background' noise (horde yammering, generic accusations, etc) that opens the whole discussion up front and gets one questioning 'okay, who is saying what now?'

Seeing Yuka and Sayuri acting as judge and jury on Ranma...is odd.  

I was rereading some of the manga vols and watching some of the anime eps when I noticed that they do that. Most notably when Akane's hair was chopped and during Ukyo's and Hinako's intros. [/quote]

Fair enough.

There's so many other more suitable characters even standing around on that, most notably Nabiki who was acting as interrogator before until magically they replace her.  Even the descriptive entrance of 'more' characters "The Horde" contributes to a sort of off-hand 'oh yeah, and then there's more people there'.

They didn't replace her, they butted in without invitation. The scene has Ranma being peppered from different directions to keep him off balance.
It didn't look right to have only Nabiki asking all the questions.

[/quote]

Considered adding a line like that in?  Asking us to visualize it like that may help folks actually visualize it like that.  Personally, I didn't get that when reading.  I got Ranma standing in front of a generic tribunal of horde.  The fact that all questions after a point are negative and not comedic or jeering or such makes it feel more so.  There's also no people running over each other (or better a prose bit saying they are) to make it feel like that.

Akane/Fiancees?:

All I can tell is Akane being there of the fiancees.  I'm not sure if others showed up or Kuno due to the muddiness of earlier, but in general there's tremendously little reaction from the fiancee that's not slapstick.

No fiancee interaction yet. There hasn't been enough time for Akane to thnk about things either.

That said, it's still odd that yuka, sakura, and nabiki all have plenty of time to get off stuff and Akane simply does a generic leading rage thing.  I half don't even know why the wrathful horde is there.  It feels so obligatory really and half as an excuse to clear the screen of the excess characters brought in anyway (And a pretty ridiculous ranma fear scene).  I think a few quips from akane prior to the blind rage might go a ways there.

It was weird with the fiancees that are on camera never being even primary characters.  Nabiki and Kasumi both heavily overshadow Akane, and the others are just named.  This...feels awkward.  We're dealing with wives, but rather than them being in conflict with the current 'love interests', they're in conflict with...  Nabiki?  That just seems off to me.

I haven't developed a conflict between the wives and the fiancees because I've only introed one wife and it hasn't developed to the point where that kind of interaction is possible yet. Nabiki is more on the ball at the moment then her sister, though Kasumi didn't have as much on scene time as Akane. Her descriptions just came out more because of the situational humor.

Thus Kasumi had meaningful screen time that established her in the readers minds.  Akane has just kinda...been there.  Nabiki has also had meaningful screen time.  I dunno, I suspect if you look over it and think about it, you can find plenty of ways to have the screen time Akane's already having be more meaningful in establishing her presence.   As it stands, Yuka (a generic sidekick) has greater presence over the fic at the moment than the fiancee does.  Even some reorganization might help (Akane enraged and the horde following, rather than the horde enraged and akane at front.  The order currently places her as part of an existing horde, rather than the  horde as an extension of her own anger at the scenario).

Ranma/Genma:

The history in context doesn't seem to match with the series.  This isn't a problem save we're starting well into the series and Ranma's behaviour doesn't seem so...consistent.  Ranma at all playing along with the fiancee stuff doesn't seem to work with him being in a polygomous marriage.

I admit to playing a little fast and loose with the history here. In my defense, Takahashi designed it so sloppily and with so many internal inconsistencies already that I figured it wouldn't be too unbelievable.

It's a fair step there, but I'd take a bit of time and consider if it's possible to easily restructure the existing setup with how Ranma might've behaved already knowing he had two superstrong wives.  It'd work better than just taking raw Ranma.  Yes, Takahashi was inconsistant, but her inconsistancy was generally designed to always provide her a semi-solid base for the story she wanted to tell at the moment.  It feels like the pre-setup doesn't do that for you, so I'd suggest changing it a bit so it does.  Even having ret-con'ed in scenes of him always protesting the engagement or denying it despite others views would do wonders for putting him in a good position for it to be plausible that he was in such a marriage and is dreadfully afraid of his wives being angry with him. (Him happily going along with it for any length of time just... doesn't mesh with that setup to me at all.  A man afraid of lying to his wife doesn't go a-okay to having several fiancees).

Notably though, I'll admit Takahashi's inconsistancy style never worked great for me in fanfics, so take it with a grain of salt.  I ask for a bit more, especially with the beginning.

Indeed, the behavior seems to change massively during it and the way of thinking doesn't so much seem to follow from the events.  Changes are fine, but this is about a 24 hour period that he's given things that don't really even match with their original setup.  So Ranma drinks...okay, buyable.  But Ranma going from commenting on others doing horrible things to... horrible things he does to nabiki?  Um?  He's scared and low status compared  to his wife(s), but he acts tremendously higher than everyone else in the cast, with the exception of Genma...who he's buddy buddy Equal with?  He's not heard of these characters in years(?!?), but he has bikini photographs in his pocket?  Bikini photographs that qualify as cheesecake in a metal frame of his mother in law?  A marriage at 13 years old?  prior to the whole jyusenkyou things?

Bikini pictures and mother in laws slipping into a 13 year old non-enhanced ranma's bed?

...um?  Yeah, too many weird things too soon with Ranma and a general muddiness in the delivery of other characters.

He's gone from top frog in a small pond to bottom of the food chain in the big blue. Nabiki is making trouble that he knows could hurt him a lot, and he doesn't appreciate it. And in a crisis, as he did during the breaking point, the shishihokodan, and the way of the thief, he goes to his old man for help.  Not neccissarily buddy-buddy, but a father who's the closest thing to a confidant for him. Mind you, not a good one, but beggers can't be choosers.

Yeah, the muse was smoking something when she came up with this. All the weirdness is her fault.[/quote]

Yeah, but that doesn't really answer my concerns.  It's not that he's angry with nabiki that triggers the weird, but how he's expressing it in thoughts.  It doesn't seem him.  It seems well, you, or how you portrayed his wives, more than him.  Surely there's a more ranmaish way to deliver his anger?

The weirdest thing on that scene, to me, remains that he had a framed photograph of a cheesecake shot of his mother in law ON HIM at the time.  WHA?  Yeah, it's an easy scene ender, but it makes no sense.  I'd say that line of narrative has too many weird things for so soon in the narrative flow.  I'd expect continued randomness at this point as it feels like that's very random.

Why does such a strong character as his wife let all these folks butt in anyway?  Why no clearing the rest of the scene away?

And again, the age level it puts it at when it all happened is 'huh' too.  Were everyone 4ish years older it wouldn't seem quite as strange, but Ranma and crew are young intentionally to be fitting for the nervous about love teenager thing, which means putting that stage several years back starts flinging it into pretty weird territory.  Moreso with an older wife.  Two wives?  So he had another one earlier prior to that whole deal?  was he the marrying ten year old or something?

Mostly, I'd say that the setup is very weird, so you either want to have a high comedy level (everything is wacky so it doesn't quite matter...) or keep it pretty clean at the start to let the weird parts sink in and blend more.  I don't think you're really achieving the latter (or trying for it except for Kasumi) and there's too many new weird things being introduced for a clean blending to occur.

Dracos

[Jason_Miao]

The weirdest thing on that scene, to me, remains that he had a framed photograph of a cheesecake shot of his mother in law ON HIM at the time.  

<snip>

And again, the age level it puts it at when it all happened is 'huh' too.  Were everyone 4ish years older it wouldn't seem quite as strange, but Ranma and crew are young intentionally to be fitting for the nervous about love teenager thing, which means putting that stage several years back starts flinging it into pretty weird territory.  

Shade, I don't know if this will help your writing any, but had these issues not popped up near the end of the last chapter, that would have been around the point where I stopped reading anyway.  I was going to mention those in a short comment, but noticed that Drac had already covered them.

Too much, too soon, and too nonsensical.  The last is the real killer here, because if I can't suspend my disbelief, I'm not going to enjoy reading your fic.  When you introduced the new character as Ranma's wife, my first thought was "So how did Genma plan to get Ranma and Akane past the tax office records?" - probably not the reaction you were hoping for.

[RangerShade]

It isn't.  But as I mentioned, a lot of my problem with the scene is that it's muddy.  Things happen quickly and sometimes without great clarity.  This is a weird thing.  It's an explainable weird thing, but is it really necessary?  I urge to identify what helps communicate your scene and what is added fluff that, whether interesting additions or not, isn't relevant to the communication.  This would be clearly not that relevant to it.

Noted, I'll go back over and see if I can make it a bit clearer.

Yuka and Sayuri obviously, though you've got an explanation for that.  The mess of comments from the horde.  Rereading, the real thing I think that bothers me is that there's a range of what should be effectively 'background' noise (horde yammering, generic accusations, etc) that opens the whole discussion up front and gets one questioning 'okay, who is saying what now?'

Ah, okay I think I get that.  *Makes a note*

Considered adding a line like that in?  Asking us to visualize it like that may help folks actually visualize it like that.  Personally, I didn't get that when reading.  I got Ranma standing in front of a generic tribunal of horde.  The fact that all questions after a point are negative and not comedic or jeering or such makes it feel more so.  There's also no people running over each other (or better a prose bit saying they are) to make it feel like that.

*nod* I forgot about that, they would make a bunch of comedic/rude/jeering comments, wouldn't they. As for the lines running over each other, I gotta confess that's not one of my strong points, can you point me towards a couple of examples for how the grammer goes?

That said, it's still odd that yuka, sakura, and nabiki all have plenty of time to get off stuff and Akane simply does a generic leading rage thing.  I half don't even know why the wrathful horde is there.  It feels so obligatory really and half as an excuse to clear the screen of the excess characters brought in anyway (And a pretty ridiculous ranma fear scene).  I think a few quips from akane prior to the blind rage might go a ways there.

Point. I did skip over the buildup there. *makes a note*

Thus Kasumi had meaningful screen time that established her in the readers minds.  Akane has just kinda...been there.  Nabiki has also had meaningful screen time.  I dunno, I suspect if you look over it and think about it, you can find plenty of ways to have the screen time Akane's already having be more meaningful in establishing her presence.   As it stands, Yuka (a generic sidekick) has greater presence over the fic at the moment than the fiancee does.  Even some reorganization might help (Akane enraged and the horde following, rather than the horde enraged and akane at front.  The order currently places her as part of an existing horde, rather than the  horde as an extension of her own anger at the scenario).

*Nod* thanks for pointing that out.

It's a fair step there, but I'd take a bit of time and consider if it's possible to easily restructure the existing setup with how Ranma might've behaved already knowing he had two superstrong wives.  It'd work better than just taking raw Ranma.  Yes, Takahashi was inconsistant, but her inconsistancy was generally designed to always provide her a semi-solid base for the story she wanted to tell at the moment.  It feels like the pre-setup doesn't do that for you, so I'd suggest changing it a bit so it does.  Even having ret-con'ed in scenes of him always protesting the engagement or denying it despite others views would do wonders for putting him in a good position for it to be plausible that he was in such a marriage and is dreadfully afraid of his wives being angry with him. (Him happily going along with it for any length of time just... doesn't mesh with that setup to me at all.  A man afraid of lying to his wife doesn't go a-okay to having several fiancees).

Notably though, I'll admit Takahashi's inconsistancy style never worked great for me in fanfics, so take it with a grain of salt.  I ask for a bit more, especially with the beginning.

*nod* That would actaully fit well with some internal monoluge on Akane and Nabiki's parts. *makes a note*

Yeah, but that doesn't really answer my concerns.  It's not that he's angry with nabiki that triggers the weird, but how he's expressing it in thoughts.  It doesn't seem him.  It seems well, you, or how you portrayed his wives, more than him.  Surely there's a more ranmaish way to deliver his anger?

The weirdest thing on that scene, to me, remains that he had a framed photograph of a cheesecake shot of his mother in law ON HIM at the time.  WHA?  Yeah, it's an easy scene ender, but it makes no sense.  I'd say that line of narrative has too many weird things for so soon in the narrative flow.  I'd expect continued randomness at this point as it feels like that's very random.

Why does such a strong character as his wife let all these folks butt in anyway?  Why no clearing the rest of the scene away?

And again, the age level it puts it at when it all happened is 'huh' too.  Were everyone 4ish years older it wouldn't seem quite as strange, but Ranma and crew are young intentionally to be fitting for the nervous about love teenager thing, which means putting that stage several years back starts flinging it into pretty weird territory.  Moreso with an older wife.  Two wives?  So he had another one earlier prior to that whole deal?  was he the marrying ten year old or something?

Mostly, I'd say that the setup is very weird, so you either want to have a high comedy level (everything is wacky so it doesn't quite matter...) or keep it pretty clean at the start to let the weird parts sink in and blend more.  I don't think you're really achieving the latter (or trying for it except for Kasumi) and there's too many new weird things being introduced for a clean blending to occur.

Dracos

That picture revelation actually wasn't the end of the scene, it continues on for a bit.  I've been going for the full out wacky, intentionally overboard style.  I hadn't planned on having them really make complete sense yet. I dunno, maybe it's a vision thing. I personally can see it all going back and forth in my head, but that could be the problem when I try to write it out.