[Dark Fic][Ranma][Rough]Termination Poetry

[Jivia]

"Termination Poetry"

[ROUGH] v1.0

By Jivia dae Silna

Disclaimer:  I don't own Ranma 1/2, Takahashi Rumiko-dono does.  
Due credit must also be given to WFROSE, for he inspired me
with his 'Easy Target' series.  Oh ya, can't forget Chow Yung
Fat and John Woo, who made pigeons flying in slow motion
famous.

Warning:  This will probably turn into a rated R/MA fic.  
Rampant cursing, violence, and sex.  You have been warned.

Chapter 1a
"Money makes the world go 'round"

[New York City, New York]

   Saotome Ranma, impeccably dressed as always, lightly
tapped his foot in time with the lobby music.  He was clad in
a crimson and pressed three piece suit that was as eccentric
as the individual wearing it.  The Four Seasons hotel lobby was
just as lavishly, if not moreso, garbed as Ranma.  It's
furnishings held an underlying air of sophistication and
haughtiness.  These were surroundings Ranma had long been
desensitized to; glamour lost it's sheen and opulence lost it's
arrogance with time and exposure.

   So Ranma sat, waiting for his contact, in an
environment full of beauty.  One could hardly fault him if his
eye roved, examining the many 'trophies' being displayed, both
human and inanimate.  An obviously augmented and well sculpted
blonde wearing a slinky blue dress there and a very good faux
Rembrandt there.  Nothing really warranted his attention,
except perhaps a rather large Caucasian man coming his way.  
When said man stopped before him, Ranma stood and greeted the
man with a perfunctory nod.

   "Mister Saotome?"

   Ranma nodded once more in response.  The man nodded as
well and gestured for Ranma to follow.  So he followed, the
whisking of his crimson pants the only sound he made while
walking.  Ranma was lead to the lobby bar, through the bar, and
into an anteroom of a private section of the bar.  The nameless
thug turned to face him and muttered, "Wait here."

   So Ranma waited.  He was also becoming highly annoyed.  
His time could be better spent performing more fruitful actions
than standing and sitting about.  Like, for example, seducing
the blonde in the blue dress(1).  Fortunately, his client
didn't keep him waiting for too much longer.  The very same
thuggish man came back out to lead him into the private room.

   The room was sparsely decorated, dimly lit, and full of
smoke.  A large table in the middle of the room took almost all
the space available.  At the table, sat three men.  

   The man on the left was middle aged, short, wiry, and
had the Four Season's emblem on his jacket sleeve.  His soft
face seemed to have a perpetual smile plastered onto his face.  
The man on the right was much younger, obese, and looked a lot
like the individual sitting in between both men.  He was
wearing a stained t-shirt and Ranma got the distinct impression
this man was rarely without food to stuff his face.  Lastly,
the individual in the middle was stocky and surly.  His face
was pock marked and creased from the frown alighting his face.  
The cigar in his mouth was the apparent source of all the
smoke.  All three men were fiercely whispering to each other.

   As Ranma stopped before the table, the whisperings
stopped.  Ranma nodded to each in greeting but received none in
return.  The stocky one reached under the table and after a few
moments of searching, threw a dossier onto the table.  Ranma
promptly picked it up, opened it, and rummaged through the
dossier.  Inside he found two pictures, one of a adolescent
female and one of a male in his early twenties, and two files
for each of individuals in pictured.  He skimmed over the files
and gathered a few important tidbits of information.

   The two, it seemed, were brother and sister.  Sakagami
Yue and Sakagami Iuchi were there names.  They lived in Shibuya
Ku and in the lap of luxury.  Well, Ranma amended, they would be
living in the lap of luxury for only a few monthes more.

   "Five million now, five million upon completion.  Two
monthes," Ranma spat out in disgust.

   The man in the Four Season's jacket nearly cried out in
shock at the solemn pronouncement but was cut short by the
stockier man to his left.  That same man fished under the table
for a few moments and then brought out a briefcase.  He then
laid it out on the table and open it for Ranma to inspect.  He
picked a random stack of bills out of the many and began his
standard inspection, listening to the sound it made, comparing
it to one of his own bills, making sure the bills were
nonsequential, and taking on bill and lighting it on fire.  
This startled everyone in the room.  Ranma had no lighter in
hand and his hand had briefly glowed.  Twenty dollar bills
didn't just spontaneously combust and human beings didn't glow.  
Finally, he quickly counted the money with a technique he had
learned ten years ago.  It was short twenty dollars, which was
his own fault for being so paranoid.

   Ranma nodded to himself in satisfaction and closed the
briefcase.  He left without looking back and without a word.
This, his most current "project," had gone smoothly.  While not
all his rendezvous had been successful, many of them were, just
like this one.  He reminded himself, as was wont to often do,
of why he was in this line of business.


***---***


[10 years past.  Nerima, Japan.]

   Tendo Nabiki was terrified.  She had just received an
angry phone call from one of the local oyabun's subordinates.  
He had demanded, on no uncertain terms, a meeting.  He had told
her the time and place and hung up, leaving her wondering how
she had incurred the wrath of the Yakuza.  Her musings were cut
short when the principle's secretary asked her if she was
alright.  She quickly answered that she was fine and hurried
out of the principle's office.

   As she hurried back to class, the final bell rang,
signaling end of most students' day at school.  She brushed by
the congested flow of students that were hurriedly leaving
their classes.  The pressed mass of bodies was uncomfortable,
to say the least and was doubly uncomfortable due to her going
against the flow.  As she passed Akane and Ranma by, she smiled
at her younger sister and gave her future brother in law a flat
stare.

   She reached her classroom a short time later and she
quickly grabbed up her bag and conferred with an associate of
her's.  As she quickly copied the remainder of the notes for
the class, she mentally prepared for the upcoming meeting.  Try
as she might, she couldn't reply mentally prepare for something
that was most definately going to be a negative reaction from
one of the heads of the biggest crime syndicate in Japan(2).

   Nabiki glanced down at her watch as she finished
copying the notes.  'Fifteen minutes to get there.  Just great,
'she thought to herself as she waved goodbye.  When she cleared
the classroom doorway she sprinted for dear life, hoping to
make it in time.


***---***


   Nabiki huffed, puffed, and it felt as if her heart was
going to explode, but she had made it in time.  Looking down at
her watch,she noted that she was in fact, a few minutes early.  
She opted to sit down and let her heartrate revert back to a
normal pace.  After what seemed like hours, but in actuality
had been mere minutes, a white Mercedes limousine rolled to a
stop before her.  It's window slowly opened and a male's voice
rang out, "Step inside, Tendo-san."

   The teenage girl quickly stood up and opened the car
door.  As she sat down, she quickly took note of the individuals
inside the large car.  There were two men inside.  The man next
to her wore a black suit that was seemingly cut to matched the
severity of his face, hair cut, and demeanor.  His every
feature seemed to be razor sharp.  The other man, who was
sitting across from her was nearly impossible to see because
of the thick shadows enshrouding the other side of the large
vehicle's cabin.  "Now if you be so kind as to close the door,
Tendo-san, we can start this impromptu meeting."

   Nabiki hurriedly complied with the polite request in
embaressment.  She had forgetten to close the door because of
nervousness and mentally told herself to calm down.  It was
beginning to work when the man next to her stated in a calm
tone, "I'm sure you're wondering why we called you here
today."

   He didn't wait for her nod before continuing, "You see,
normally I would take Ito-san's most common reply to minor
problems, such as yourself.  If you would enlighten her, for
me, Ito-san."

   The man across from her, Ito, barked out in a gravelly
voice, "I still think you should give her over to the dregs.  
This is a waste of time, Nakamura-sama."

   "Well, normally I would.  However, you have made this a
more personal matter, Tendo-san.  My son, he's distraught at
the treatment of his peers, you see.  While he does deserve it,
he's still my of my flesh and blood.  I just can't abide by
that."

   "You mean you're Satoshi-san's father?"  Nabiki's voice
had sounded shakey to even her ears.

   With his whispered affirmation, Nabiki realized she had
made a huge mistake.  Her most recent pet project had involved
defaming a one Nakamura Satoshi to point that no girl would
consider touching him, much less talk to him.  No one date
raped a close friend of her's and got away with it.  No one.

   "I did what I thought I had to do.  Your son raped a
good friend of mine," she hissed in a hushed tone.

   "Be that as it may, I now have to do what I deem
necessary.  You see Nabiki, you made this personal.  I don't
take kindly to personal affronts.  However, I disagree with
Ito-san not because you don't deserve it, but because you can
correct this situation.  You know an individual that intrigues
me to no end."

   Nakamura drew in a quick breathe before finishing, "You
see, I've been meaning to come into contact with Saotome Ranma
for some time and you have the perfect solution for both of us.
Introduce me to him, convince him to comply to my demands, and I
shall forgive you of your insult.  I sure you'll aptly convey the
gravity of the situation.

   "Aaa.  I see we have arrived.  I wish to meet with you
and Saotome-san at the same place and time tommorow.  Make sure
to be there.  Good day to you, Tendo-san."

   Nabiki shakily stepped out of the limousine as the
driver smiled at her and promptly closed the door.  Ignoring the
smiling man, she hurriedly entered to the comfort of home,
family, and the familiar.  She quickly annouced her arrival,
took off her shoes, and ran up stairs, not waiting for Kasumi's
reply.  She needed time to calm her frayed nerves and gather
herself together.  She needed to be cohesive, concise, or more
precisely: her normal self.  If she showed Ranma her weakness,
it would probably startle him needlessly.  All she needed was
a little time.


***---***


   All attempts to avoid pondering her current situation
were failing miserably.  Her homework assignments offered no
respite, no comfort, for her troubled mind.  Nothing she did
seemed to calm her for any extended period and after tapping
her pen on her desk for the umpteenth time, she sighed
resignedly and stood up, intent upon finding Ranma and relating
the news to her future brother in law.  

   The floorboards beneath her bare feet protested,
bemoaning her passage with a comforting and familiar creaking.
Withen this house, she felt safe, sheltered.  Such feelings of
familiarity bred false security, she realized with muted
fascination.  This artfully constructed heap of lumber, nails,
and rice paper sheltered her from the elements but could do
little against an onslaught of bullets.  The affects of a none
too suble threat on her life were profound.  She noticed the
mundane, unimportant aspects of daily life that confirmed her
existence.  When placed back onto a once solid but now unstable
foundation, one realized how important said foundation was.  It
meant everything.  Nabiki showly shook her head, trying to clear
it and headed towards the sound of Ranma's voice.

   She found him sitting at the table, idly chatting with
Kasumi about the weather and school.  His languid pose elicited
a half stifled yawn from her lips.  Though not physically tired,
having your life threatened by some one who could very easily
fulfill those threats was mentally taxing.  She stood next to him
and cleared her throat.

   "Yo.  Nabiki, you want somethin'?"

   "Ya.  We need to talk."


***---***


[Present day.  Newark, New Jersey.]


   Ranma slowly but confidently strolled into the seemingly
empty warehouse.  His footfalls rebounded back to him and broke
the eerie, midnight silence.  Despite the gloom, Ranma's excellent
perception allowed him to pierce the heavy blanket of darkness.  
There was little to nothing of note within the hollow edifice: his
cooling car, a desk, a computer, four moniters, three cots, and
two individuals on two of the cots, enjoying some much needed rest.  
He quickly strode up next to a sleepy pair of individuals, a cute
girl in her middle teens and a lanky man well on his way to thirty.

   "Wake up," he stated simply and loudly.  

   His wake up call was greeted with much disdain and
resentment, as expected.  After two more sucessive failures, his
fourth attempt at rousing the pair was finally proved fruitful.
With patience few could match, Ranma waited for the pair to shake
off the last vistages of their grogginess.  The wait was shorter
than expected and when he was satisfied that the wouldn't fall back
into blissful slumber, he announced on no uncertain terms,
"Ageketoki, Nariko we are going to Tokyo."


TBC...

Author's Notes:

1.  One taste is never enough ^_^.

2.  I doubt Nabiki has ever dealt with Yakuza.

Any amount of C&C is will be appreciated.  I do hope you enjoy it.
I know it's short, but I write really slow.  In order to supply a
steady feed of this fic, I need to keep the chapters short.  I also
opted to split each chapter into two parts in order to futher chop
it into even smaller bits.  Until my writing speed is remedied, this
format won't change.  Thank you for your patience.

[Dracos]

Okay, Drac's as he reads C&C

<   Saotome Ranma, impeccably dressed as always, lightly
tapped his foot in time with the lobby music.  He was clad in
a crimson and pressed three piece suit that was as eccentric
as the individual wearing it.  The Four Seasons hotel lobby was
just as lavishly, if not moreso, garbed as Ranma.  It's
furnishings held an underlying air of sophistication and
haughtiness.  These were surroundings Ranma had long been
desensitized to; glamour lost it's sheen and opulence lost it's
arrogance with time and exposure.>

The commenting on his dress in the first sentence serves no purpose.  You go ahead and bring it forth in your follow up sentences.  Which is far better in my opinion.  Good opening with solid atmosphere.

<   So Ranma sat, waiting for his contact, in an
environment full of beauty>

We aren't talking here.  Kill the so.  Ranma sat, waiting for his contract, in an environment full of beauty.

Hell, kill the last part as well.  You described the environment, vague descs like that add little to a fic.

*rolls eyes a bit*  Okay... I hope you cover how Ranma got to be what appears as a James bond type character.  Supersuave, casual with sex, excellently dressed, etc.

<   The two, it seemed, were brother and sister.  Sakagami
Yue and Sakagami Iuchi were there names.  They lived in Shibuya
Ku and in the lap of luxury.  Well, Ranma amended, they would be
living in the lap of luxury for only a few monthes more.

  "Five million now, five million upon completion.  Two
monthes," Ranma spat out in disgust.>

Spell check and such.  Cleanup is important.  And what is with the attitude from Ranma?  You paint a picture of him as a guy who can pick and choose his jobs.  Therefore it shouldn't be with disgust.  He should be choosing the jobs he wants to do.

<   Ranma nodded to himself in satisfaction and closed the
briefcase.  He left without looking back and without a word.
This, his most current "project," had gone smoothly.  While not
all his rendezvous had been successful, many of them were, just
like this one.  He reminded himself, as was wont to often do,
of why he was in this line of business.>

He reminded himself, as he was wont to do after such meetings, just why he was in this line of business.

Suggested change of the way you do it.  I don't believe it is grammatically correct as is.

<   Tendo Nabiki was terrified.  She had just received an
angry phone call from one of the local oyabun's subordinates.  
He had demanded, on no uncertain terms, a meeting.  He had told
her the time and place and hung up, leaving her wondering how >

You are telling us this.  SHOW US.  BRING IT ALIVE.  How is she terrified?  Is she pacing side to side in front of the phone, her face twitches slightly as she murmured fearful words to herself?  Is her mask of control quivering?

We of the readers demand to be feed descriptive prose! ^_^

<that was most definately going to be a negative reaction from
one of the heads of the biggest crime syndicate in Japan(2).>

Without seeing the reason you may have below in it...  it is a hard thing to swallow that Nabiki, who has never done any real crime, catches the interest of someone that high up.  Or that there is a crime sydicate that large focused in Nerima.  It doesn't even feel like it would be necessary to the plot of the fic.

Okay...

This isn't enough for a first chapter in my opinion.  A good deal of my reason in saying that is it didn't hook me.  I don't feel a driving urge to grab for the next chapter.  You give a little, foreshadowing more...  but the whole bit comes off as awkward as it is now.

You have an interesting concept, but it's been done before.  Therefore it depends on your execution to make it shine.  Slow down.  Detail up the scenes.  Polish. Clean. Rework.  Proofread!

^^

A few redrafts of this should see an excellent fic coming out of it.

Fearless Leader

[Anastasia]

Meant to get to this quickly, but Drac said alot of what I wanted to say.

The concept is good enough, but it does need polishing...

*Shakes his fist at Dracos's l33t, speedy CandCing skills*