ECB vs Mr talks in net symbols

[Anastasia]

Welcome to another fine session of the Evil Commentary Bureau.  Today's target is Tidus vs Squall, by Rizu Kun.  As always, the ECB will be an fair, balanced critique based on the merits of the story.  The author will be allotted a single response. The response can be sent to dunefar@hotmail.com. We regret that only one response may be devoted to each commentary, but our reviewers are in high demand.

This ECB and all others may been seen at dracos.anifics.com.  Feel free to drop by and give us a shoutout.

the tittle says it all...

ECB: What a way to start a fic in bad form. If you can't capitalize your title correctly, do you really think anyone with a sliver of intellect will want to read your story? You proclaim that your grammar and form will be terrible with that. It's a hell of a good way to take a crap on your audience before the story starts. Good work!

ECB: That's sarcasm, in case it wasn't plainly evident. With the standard you've set already, I've got to add some help notes.

Disclaimer: I don't own FFX!. or any its characters.

ECB: No, no, no. It's not a good thing to drop periods and exclamation points in the middle of your sentences. That should be a complete sentence, sans the mid statement punctuation. Pay attention, retard.

Disclaimer: I don't own FFX or any of its characters.

ECB: While I'm pleasantly surprised you managed something of a disclaimer, you fell short. Would listing the owner of the Final Fantasy series have been that much harder for you to do? It's fucking common knowledge that Square owns Final Fantasy, and failing that, a simple Google search can turn up this fact in seconds.

Rizu-kun: ^-^ hi!!!

ECB: Whatever. - Squall

ECB: And the point of this comment is? Little greetings in the preliminaries do nothing to enhance the story, except to reiterate the fact that you can't capitalize well.


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ECB: Woah. Look at all the blank, wasted space! As I skim your story, the fact that you have overstuffed the beginning and end of it with whiteness assails me. Two spaces are acceptable distance between your disclaimer and title, any more is just bad formatting.

Tidus VS Squall

ECB: Your title is stated before the story begins. Good work. But, it's a damn shame that it's in the middle of this white line void.






Venue: battle arena

ECB: The names of locations should have capital letters, not the lowercase disgrace you heap on it with this.

********ROUND 1********

*********FIGHT!**********

ECB: Ahem...This sucks. Want to know why? Right off, I noticed no real description of the area. You have some vague arena setup, but nothing beyond that. Even with that, you have them brawling in a literary nothingness, a black hole of a boneless setting. That's bad by itself. But, this crossover begs an even more important question, one beyond simple descriptive work. Why are Tidus and Squall fighting, and how? Since they are not on the same world, it's impossible for them to meet in the normal course of events, let alone end up fighting. Any writer worth a salt would craft a well thought out, believable reason for this to happen.

ECB: And what do we get? We get...NO GODDAMN REASON FOR THEM TO BE FIGHTING! This is the mark of a pisspoor writer who grabbed a concept without putting a wink of thought into it, blackening the mantle of Final Fantasy fanfiction with his shitty, mind numbing excuse for a story. Do you think the readers are fucking DUMB enough to chomp on this turd of a concept like a candy bar?

ECB: "Wow, it makes perfect sense for two heroes from different universes to fight for no reason! By golly, it makes so much sense that I don't even need to set it up! It's BOUND to happen!" - Rizu-kun

ECB: Logic cries as you rape it with this line of thought, bitch.

Squall: . .

ECB: A standard, grammatically correct ellipsis is three dots (...), not two dots with a space in the middle. That said, I'd love to know what you mean by using an ellipsis for Squall's dialogue. While it has a valid use in a chatroom or informal setting, it has no place in any sort of serious written work.

ECB: At this point, I notice another black mark on this tale. Script format is the Dark Path of fanfiction, it lures in crap and amplifies it. It only serves to leech out any descriptive prose you might add to, I don't know, MAKE THE FUCKING SCENE!

ECB: The goal of good descriptions are to fill out the scene in the reader's mind, and make it more than a blurb of written words. You have taken this goal and used it for toilet paper.

Tidus: haha! Prepare to meet your doom!

ECB: Having played Final Fantasy 10, I cannot imagine Tidus saying any line this corny or OOC. Hell, even if it wasn't OOC for him to say such a weak line, it's overused, cliched, and outright played. Oh, and figure out when to use uppercase letters, ok?

Squall: whatever.

Tidus: gggrrrrrr... I hate it when you say that!

Squall: whatever.

Tidus: stop it!!!

Squall: whatever.

ECB: Pathetic. This makes no effort to be true to the characters, instead falling on a catchphrase and whining. Let's not even get into the lack of descriptive life to it, the arid prose, or the fact that you are still taking a dump on the capital letter.

Tidus: if you repeat that once more I'm gonna.

Squall: you're gonna what?

ECB: Kill the author? Please do. *Hands Tidus a shotgun*

Tidus: I'm gonna attack!

ECB: *Blinks* Well, at least you finally figured out to use capital letters to start your sentences.

Squall: . .

Tidus: gggrrrrr.. Don't say that either!

ECB: Praytell, how in the world can Squall say '...'? It is a term meant to indicate a lack of speech, so tell me HOW IN THE NAME OF THE BLOODY BITCH HE CAN SAY ...? You fuckup, do you have any idea of how stupid that is? Let's give a big FUCK YOU to this week's target, Mr Talks in Net Symbols!

ECB: And, to top it off, you reverted back to using assbackwards capitalization.

Squall: . .!!!

Tidus: stop it!!!!

ECB: Yes, please do. Stop the pain; stop the story.

Squall: . .

Tidus: shut up! Shut up! Shut up!

ECB: I think this is the first time where I'm hoping that a character is breaking the fourth wall. Please, follow Tidus' lead and shut up.

Squall: . .?

Tidus: ggggrrrrrr... I said shut up!!!

ECB: How? How is it possible for Squall to say nothing and not being in a state of shutting up? It totally doesn't make sense. It's a gaping hole of logic, and it's coming for us all. Run, the logical hole draws nigh!

Squall: whatever. .

ECB: I agree with Squall here.  Whatever.  Why the fuck should we care about this fic at all.  It's completely pointless.  Go SQUALL!  RIGHT FOR ONCE IN YOUR LIFE!

Tidus: SHUT UP!!!!!! *attacks Squall with a punch *

ECB: How does he punch? Is it a right cross, or a left jab? Does he swing with force, or is a somewhat more measured blow? In light of this being the most descriptive paragraph so far...

ECB: I think we can assume, just from that line, that the fic sucks.- Olorin

Squall: *avoids Tidus' attack * haha!

Tidus: *slips and falls on the floor * aaaahhhh!!!!

ECB: And he dies via a broken neck. That's all folks, doors are on your right.

ECB: ...Wait, that's not the end of this fic. Fuck.

Squall: loozer!

Tidus: sniff,, sniff,, *eyes starts to water * I'm. I'm gonna.. I'm gonna call my dad!!!!

ECB: Dear Heaven. The OOC is overwhelming with this one. Tidus may not be the most stand up hero in the Final Fantasy series, but there in no bloody way he would go cry and call Daddy. Shitheap, he HATES his father until the end of the game, and then he dies...Wait, it all just clicked!

ECB: Tidus and Squall are both dead after you skullfucked them and are now stuck in hell - in your fic. It's perfect! What else is this but Squall and Tidus's personal hell? It's too shitty to be anything else!

ECB: Also, remeber that little thing called a spell and grammar check, it'll prevent little screwups, like using two commas.

Squall: whatever.

Tidus: *starts crying * WAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ECB: That is so pathetic it's almost funny - Dracos

Squall: crybaby!

Tidus: *eyes still watering * sniff,, I hate you!

ECB: As an idle note, I'm wondering why Tidus is now acting with the maturity level of a seven year old.

Squall: I hate you too!

Tidus: I hate you more!

Squall: I hate you most!

Tidus: I hate you even better!

Squall: I hate you best!

ECB: I would comment on this part of the story, but that rubbish was so poorly written I couldn't read it without wanting to sacrifice a goat for my sanity. - Zenthor

Tidus: ooohh!! I really hate you!

Squall: whatever.

ECB: I can't muster up the nastiness to comment, it's just too weak to have anything towards this line but pity and disgust.

Tidus: gggggrrrrrr!!!!!!

Squall: hahaha!!!

Tidus: *eyes starts to water again * DADDY!!!!!!!! *runs away while crying *

ECB: Tidus, it's okay. Don't let the big bad author scare you. He sucks, but it'll be over soon and you can return to normal.

Squall: ??? ???

ECB: Squall seems to be fluent in the tongue of symbols now, I see.

Tidus backed out! So that means Squall WINS!!!

annoying BGM plays

Squall: *does the usual thing that he does every after battle when he wins * (~_^ you know! The part when he, like, swings his sword and make this pose .. )

ECB: Shit, this has more than one round? God, smite him, please!

********ROUND 2!*********

*********FIGHT!**********

Squall: crybaby!

Tidus: *takes his sword out * this time you'll pay!

ECB: And why didn't he do this in the first round? Oh, I forgot, the author was using to pick his nose.

Squall: whatever.

Tidus: ggggrrrrrr!!!! *attacks Squall *

ECB: If Squall was like this, I'd want to attack him too. Well, after I flayed the author alive for being a herpes infested cuntwaffle, that is.

Squall: *didn't move * . .

Tidus: take this! *hits squall on the head *

ECB: Die. Now. Often.

#$%WHAM!!!@%$*&(

Squall: *stars jumping on his head * #_x w-what.ev-v-ver.. *got unconscious *

ECB: This sentence is so fundamentally fucked up that I feel that it deserves special attention. How would stars start jumping on Squall's head in the first place? No sense there. Then, he GOT unconscious? No, no, no, you old retarded monkey turd. Grammar is not something to run over, so stop treating it like roadkill.

Tidus: *goes to Squall * is he dead? *pokes Squall with a stick *

ECB: And what happened to his shiny sword?  You know, the one he hit Squall with?

Squall's unconscious! That means Tidus WINS!!!!

ECB: Two down...

******ROUND 3!*******

********FIGHT!*********

Squall: *grins * whatever!!!

Tidus: that wont work ANYMOOORE!!!!! *attacks Squall *

ECB: Why won't this fic stop going on and on and on and on.  Any more of this stuff and I will get a compelling desire to shoot you in the face.

Squall: *defended himself by blocking Tidus' attack with his sword * wow! You really are serious this time!

ECB: A shred of detail, yet still so lacking.

Tidus: *jumps backwards and grins * hehehe.

Squall: ~_^ w- whatever.

Tidus: WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!

Squall: WHATEVER!!! *kept on attacking *

Tidus: *avoiding the attacks * what the?!

ECB: SUCH VIVID PROSE! YOU LIGHT UP THE SCREEN WITH THE FINELY SCULPTED DETAILS! IT'S LIKE WATCHING A MOVIE! Wha...Damn....  And that dream was so nice....  GO AWAY AUTHOR AND LEAVE ME MY DREAMS!

*******So the fight goes on.*********

after 3 hours

ECB:  It will never work but a dream has come again....  DIE! *SHOOTS AUTHOR*

Tidus: *gasping * . .

Squall: *gasping * . .

Tidus: I still wont give up!

Squall: I don't care! Whatever.

Tidus: *starts attacking Squall again * take this! and that! And these!

Squall: *blocking each attack * . ??? !!!


ECB: To tell you the truth, I found this big white space more interesting than the last few lines of this story. Next time, just post tons of blank lines, okay?


Who will win?! Find out in the next chapter!!!

ECB: Not the reader, that's for fucking sure.



Rizu-kun: he he he. pleas review first! That is. before I would post the next chapter! Nyehehehehe!!!!

ECB: And review I shall. This is an especially noxious fic, going above and beyond the call of a normal cumpile and into true sucking. The final grade is an F, of course.

Thanks for Figment for prereading.  Now, where is that neuralizer...

[Anastasia]

And a month later I get a response.  Time to fry idiots.  I shall post the single rebuttal in a day or two, as time permits. Sorry about the shitty formatting, by the way, but it's not worth the trouble of sorting out.

EDIT: I'm torn between two ideas on how to respond to this.  I'm thinking of tearing each of his comments back, or saying that something in this wretched a formatting and grammatical shape isn't worthy of a rebuttal.  Basically, shred or not give any validation tot he idiot..hmm.  If anyone would like to suggest which tack I should take, by all means do.

Hey! i just wanted to thank you for the care that you showed by DISSING my FIC!
I appreciated it! specialy from a bunch of JERKS like you guys! ^-^







Welcome to another fine session of the Evil Commentary Bureau. Today's target is Tidus vs Squall, by Rizu Kun.

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RIZU_KUN: har har har... target? so you're implying that i'm a victim of your fuckin scathing remarks?
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As always, this ECB will be an fair, balanced critique
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RIZU_KUN: fair and balanced? uhh.. do you have mental problems or something?!
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based on the merits of the story. The author will be allotted a single response. The response can be sent to dunefar@hotmail.com. We regret that only one response may be devoted to each commentary, but our reviewers are in high demand.
This ECB and all others may been seen at dracos.anifics.com. Feel free to drop by and give us a shoutout.
the tittle says it all...
ECB: What a way to start a fic in bad form. If you can't capitalize your title correctly, do you really think anyone with a sliver of intellect will want to read your story? You proclaim that your grammar and form will be terrible with that. It's a hell of a good way to take a crap on your audience before the story starts. Good work!
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RIZU_KUN: well sorrrryyyy, english isnt my native language. it is very unfortunate that i dont have your "superior intelect".
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ECB: That's sarcasm, in case it wasn't plainly evident. With the standard you've set already, I've got to add some help notes.
Disclaimer: I don't own FFX!. or any its characters.
ECB: No, no, no. It's not a good thing to drop periods and exclamation points in the middle of your sentences. That should be a complete sentence, sans the mid statement punctuation. Pay attention, retard.
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RIZU_KUN: for your informtion SLUT, Microsoft Word Documents, when uploaded on ff.net, will have drastic changes on its format. (E.G. ellipsis spacing in between paragraphs, etc.) so it isnt my fault BITCH!
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Disclaimer: I don't own FFX or any of its characters.
ECB: While I'm pleasantly surprised you managed something of a disclaimer, you fell short. Would listing the owner of the Final Fantasy series have been that much harder for you to do? It's fucking common knowledge that Square owns Final Fantasy, and failing that, a simple Google search can turn up this fact in seconds.
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RIZU_KUN: well, you fucker, why do YOU CARE about my disclamer? this is MY disclaimer! I make my own disclamer, you make your own disclaimer, and everybody will be happy with everybody else's disclaimer. and if anybody wants to add that squaresoft owns the Final Fantasy Games they may do so! comprehendos?
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Rizu-kun: ^-^ hi!!!
ECB: Whatever. - Squall
ECB: And the point of this comment is? Little greetings in the preliminaries do nothing to enhance the story, except to reiterate the fact that you can't capitalize well.
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RIZU_KUN: well, why do you care if i dont wanna capitalize my letters? this is MY fic, and it is absolutely NOT YOURS!
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*************************************


ECB: Woah. Look at all the blank, wasted space!
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RIZU_KUN: as i said earlier, MS Word formating does not work when uploaded on FF.net
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As I skim your story, the fact that you have overstuffed the beginning and end of it with whiteness assails me. Two spaces are acceptable distance between your disclaimer and title, any more is just bad formatting.
Tidus VS Squall
ECB: Your title is stated before the story begins. Good work. But, it's a damn shame that it's in the middle of this white line void.
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RIZU_KUN: why do you care about the location of the title of the story? I'M the author and i HAVE the RIGHT to place the title wherever i want to!
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Venue: battle arena
ECB: The names of locations should have capital letters, not the lowercase disgrace you heap on it with this.
********ROUND 1********
*********FIGHT!**********
ECB: Ahem...This sucks. Want to know why? Right off, I noticed no real description of the area. You have some vague arena setup, but nothing beyond that. Even with that, you have them brawling in a literary nothingness, a black hole of a boneless setting. That's bad by itself. But, this crossover begs an even more important question, one beyond simple descriptive work. Why are Tidus and Squall fighting, and how? Since they are not on the same world, it's impossible for them to meet in the normal course of events, let alone end up fighting. Any writer worth a salt would craft a well thought out, believable reason for this to happen.
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RIZU_KUN: why the HELL do you bother so much to care about the description of the settings of my fic? when i say battle arena, think: ROMAN COLISEUM! lol!
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ECB: And what do we get? We get...NO GODDAMN REASON FOR THEM TO BE FIGHTING! This is the mark of a pisspoor writer who grabbed a concept without putting a wink of thought into it, blackening the mantle of Final Fantasy fanfiction with his shitty, mind numbing excuse for a story. Do you think the readers are fucking DUMB enough to chomp on this turd of a concept like a candy bar?
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RIZU_KUN: THIS is a HUMOR FIC, when reading a humor fic you do not care whether the circumstances are logical or not. the sole purpose of reading/writing a humor fic is to get a few laugh, you do not care whether it is POINTLESS or NOT basicaly because it has no plot!
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ECB: "Wow, it makes perfect sense for two heroes from different universes to fight for no reason! By golly, it makes so much sense that I don't even need to set it up! It's BOUND to happen!" - Rizu-kun
ECB: Logic cries as you rape it with this line of thought, bitch.
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RIZU_KUN: as you can see from reading this fic i really didnt care about making a background story that would be plausible enough to combine 2 different universes together, WHORE!      
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Squall: . .
ECB: A standard, grammatically correct ellipsis is three dots (...), not two dots with a space in the middle.
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RIZU_KUN: scroll up to find out the reason why there are only 2 freakin dots there!
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That said, I'd love to know what you mean by using an ellipsis for Squall's dialogue. While it has a valid use in a chatroom or informal setting, it has no place in any sort of serious written work.
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RIZU_KUN: you actually thought that this fic is SERIOUS?! are you BLIND? have you seen the GENRE? it's HUMOR for HELL's sake! HUMOR=NOT SERIOUS
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ECB: At this point, I notice another black mark on this tale. Script format is the Dark Path of fanfiction, it lures in crap and amplifies it. It only serves to leech out any descriptive prose you might add to, I don't know, MAKE THE FUCKING SCENE!
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RIZU_KUN: why do care if i follow the dark path of Fanfiction, that lures in crap and amplifies it, that only serves to leech out any descriptive prose, that does not allow me to describe a FUCKING scene?!
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ECB: The goal of good descriptions are to fill out the scene in the reader's mind, and make it more than a blurb of written words. You have taken this goal and used it for toilet paper.
Tidus: haha! Prepare to meet your doom!
ECB: Having played Final Fantasy 10, I cannot imagine Tidus saying any line this corny or OOC. Hell, even if it wasn't OOC for him to say such a weak line, it's overused, cliched, and outright played. Oh, and figure out when to use uppercase letters, ok?
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RIZU_KUN: as i said why do you care about my upercase letters?
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Squall: whatever.
Tidus: gggrrrrrr... I hate it when you say that!
Squall: whatever.
Tidus: stop it!!!
Squall: whatever.
ECB: Pathetic. This makes no effort to be true to the characters, instead falling on a catchphrase and whining. Let's not even get into the lack of descriptive life to it, the arid prose, or the fact that you are still taking a dump on the capital letter.
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RIZU_KUN: first of all it is not my intention to be true to the characters... it is HUMOR, duh!
and secondly, catch phrases and whining are the most tipical behavior of 2 people having a pintless debate!
and thirdly, if you want description, USE YOUR IMAGINATION!!! but i doubt that you have any of those...
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Tidus: if you repeat that once more I'm gonna.
Squall: you're gonna what?
ECB: Kill the author? Please do. *Hands Tidus a shotgun*
Tidus: I'm gonna attack!
ECB: *Blinks* Well, at least you finally figured out to use capital letters to start your sentences.
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RIZU_KUN: thank you! Ü
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Squall: . .
Tidus: gggrrrrr.. Don't say that either!
ECB: Praytell, how in the world can Squall say '...'? It is a term meant to indicate a lack of speech, so tell me HOW IN THE NAME OF THE BLOODY BITCH HE CAN SAY ...? You fuckup, do you have any idea of how stupid that is? Let's give a big FUCK YOU to this week's target, Mr Talks in Net Symbols!
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RIZU_KUN: who are you callin "Mr"?! i'm a female! for your uncircumcised dick information! and it is not very polite to diss a female... you HOMO!
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ECB: And, to top it off, you reverted back to using assbackwards capitalization.
Squall: . .!!!
Tidus: stop it!!!!
ECB: Yes, please do. Stop the pain; stop the story.
Squall: . .
Tidus: shut up! Shut up! Shut up!
ECB: I think this is the first time where I'm hoping that a character is breaking the fourth wall. Please, follow Tidus' lead and shut up.
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RIZU_KUN: shut up? i'm not even talking...
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Squall: . .?
Tidus: ggggrrrrrr... I said shut up!!!
ECB: How? How is it possible for Squall to say nothing and not being in a state of shutting up? It totally doesn't make sense. It's a gaping hole of logic, and it's coming for us all. Run, the logical hole draws nigh!
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RIZU_KUN: i dont know, since you're the "GENIUS" between the 2 of us, why dont you figure it out?!
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Squall: whatever. .
ECB: I agree with Squall here. Whatever. Why the fuck should we care about this fic at all. It's completely pointless. Go SQUALL! RIGHT FOR ONCE IN YOUR LIFE!
Tidus: SHUT UP!!!!!! *attacks Squall with a punch *
ECB: How does he punch? Is it a right cross, or a left jab? Does he swing with force, or is a somewhat more measured blow? In light of this being the most descriptive paragraph so far...
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RIZU_KUN: USE YOUR IMAGINATION! if you have any.
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ECB: I think we can assume, just from that line, that the fic sucks.- Olorin
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RIZU_KUN: it took you THAT long to figure it out?!
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Squall: *avoids Tidus' attack * haha!
Tidus: *slips and falls on the floor * aaaahhhh!!!!
ECB: And he dies via a broken neck. That's all folks, doors are on your right.
ECB: ...Wait, that's not the end of this fic. Fuck.

Squall: loozer!
Tidus: sniff,, sniff,, *eyes starts to water * I'm. I'm gonna.. I'm gonna call my dad!!!!
ECB: Dear Heaven. The OOC is overwhelming with this one. Tidus may not be the most stand up hero in the Final Fantasy series, but there in no bloody way he would go cry and call Daddy. Shitheap, he HATES his father until the end of the game, and then he dies...Wait, it all just clicked!
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RIZU_KUN: this is HUMOR i am allowed to make the characters OOC!
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ECB: Tidus and Squall are both dead after you skullfucked them and are now stuck in hell - in your fic. It's perfect! What else is this but Squall and Tidus's personal hell? It's too shitty to be anything else!
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RIZU_KUN: hell yeah! i agree! its as shitty as your mouths are! thank you for the compliment (dont miss the sarcasm!)
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ECB: Also, remeber that little thing called a spell and grammar check, it'll prevent little screwups, like using two commas.
Squall: whatever.
Tidus: *starts crying * WAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ECB: That is so pathetic it's almost funny - Dracos

Squall: crybaby!
Tidus: *eyes still watering * sniff,, I hate you!
ECB: As an idle note, I'm wondering why Tidus is now acting with the maturity level of a seven year old.
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RIZU_KUN: well, did you see me mention the age? ano right? then he could be 7 yrs old!
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Squall: I hate you too!
Tidus: I hate you more!
Squall: I hate you most!
Tidus: I hate you even better!
Squall: I hate you best!
ECB: I would comment on this part of the story, but that rubbish was so poorly written I couldn't read it without wanting to sacrifice a goat for my sanity. - Zenthor
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RIZU_KUN: then why the HELL did you read it?! dumb ass! suck your balls man!
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Tidus: ooohh!! I really hate you!
Squall: whatever.
ECB: I can't muster up the nastiness to comment, it's just too weak to have anything towards this line but pity and disgust.
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RIZU_KUN: then you must be losing your touch!
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Tidus: gggggrrrrrr!!!!!!
Squall: hahaha!!!
Tidus: *eyes starts to water again * DADDY!!!!!!!! *runs away while crying *
ECB: Tidus, it's okay. Don't let the big bad author scare you. He sucks, but it'll be over soon and you can return to normal.
Squall: ??? ???
ECB: Squall seems to be fluent in the tongue of symbols now, I see.
Tidus backed out! So that means Squall WINS!!!
annoying BGM plays
Squall: *does the usual thing that he does every after battle when he wins * (~_^ you know! The part when he, like, swings his sword and make this pose .. )
ECB: Shit, this has more than one round? God, smite him, please!
********ROUND 2!*********
*********FIGHT!**********
Squall: crybaby!
Tidus: *takes his sword out * this time you'll pay!
ECB: And why didn't he do this in the first round? Oh, I forgot, the author was using to pick his nose.
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RIZU_KUN: I'm a SHE! and by the way, he didnt use it in the first round because the blasted sword was stuck in your asshole! you probably didnt notice this bacause you were out there dissing my fic!
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Squall: whatever.
Tidus: ggggrrrrrr!!!! *attacks Squall *
ECB: If Squall was like this, I'd want to attack him too. Well, after I flayed the author alive for being a herpes infested cuntwaffle, that is.
Squall: *didn't move * . .
Tidus: take this! *hits squall on the head *
ECB: Die. Now. Often.
#$%WHAM!!!@%$*&(
Squall: *stars jumping on his head * #_x w-what.ev-v-ver.. *got unconscious *
ECB: This sentence is so fundamentally fucked up that I feel that it deserves special attention. How would stars start jumping on Squall's head in the first place? No sense there. Then, he GOT unconscious? No, no, no, you old retarded monkey turd. Grammar is not something to run over, so stop treating it like roadkill.
##################################################
RIZU_KUN: well sooorrrryyy, you BRAINLESS DIRTY VERMIN, english isnt my best subject!
##################################################
Tidus: *goes to Squall * is he dead? *pokes Squall with a stick *
ECB: And what happened to his shiny sword? You know, the one he hit Squall with?
##################################################
RIZU_KUN: it was stuck to one of the members of ECB's asshole!
##################################################

Squall's unconscious! That means Tidus WINS!!!!
ECB: Two down...
******ROUND 3!*******
********FIGHT!*********
Squall: *grins * whatever!!!
Tidus: that wont work ANYMOOORE!!!!! *attacks Squall *
ECB: Why won't this fic stop going on and on and on and on. Any more of this stuff and I will get a compelling desire to shoot you in the face.
##################################################
RIZU_KUN: by all means, do so! no body's stoping you! the only problem is, you dont know where i live!
##################################################
Squall: *defended himself by blocking Tidus' attack with his sword * wow! You really are serious this time!
ECB: A shred of detail, yet still so lacking.
Tidus: *jumps backwards and grins * hehehe.
Squall: ~_^ w- whatever.
Tidus: WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!
Squall: WHATEVER!!! *kept on attacking *
Tidus: *avoiding the attacks * what the?!
ECB: SUCH VIVID PROSE! YOU LIGHT UP THE SCREEN WITH THE FINELY SCULPTED DETAILS! IT'S LIKE WATCHING A MOVIE! Wha...Damn.... And that dream was so nice.... GO AWAY AUTHOR AND LEAVE ME MY DREAMS!
##################################################
RIZU_KUN: i wasnt the one who APPROACHED you, you were the one who fount MY fic! BIRDBRAIN!
##################################################
*******So the fight goes on.*********
after 3 hours
ECB: It will never work but a dream has come again.... DIE! *SHOOTS AUTHOR*
##################################################
RIZU_KUN: I"M STILL ALIVE! NA HA!
##################################################
Tidus: *gasping * . .
Squall: *gasping * . .
Tidus: I still wont give up!
Squall: I don't care! Whatever.
Tidus: *starts attacking Squall again * take this! and that! And these!
Squall: *blocking each attack * . ??? !!!

ECB: To tell you the truth, I found this big white space more interesting than the last few lines of this story. Next time, just post tons of blank lines, okay?
##################################################
RIZU_KUN: sure! and i'll dedicate it to the wonderful SLUTS at the ECB
##################################################

Who will win?! Find out in the next chapter!!!
ECB: Not the reader, that's for fucking sure.

Rizu-kun: he he he. pleas review first! That is. before I would post the next chapter! Nyehehehehe!!!!
ECB: And review I shall. This is an especially noxious fic, going above and beyond the call of a normal cumpile and into true sucking. The final grade is an F, of course.
##################################################
RIZU_KUN: why thank you! actually i expected alot LESS from you guys like a -Z!
##################################################
##################################################
RIZU_KUN: ^-^ aawwww... you cared enouogh to diss the whole thing? i'm so touched! i feel so "LOVED" by the EBC JERKS. in fact, i feel so touched that i feel obliged to report posible abuse to the FF.NET staff.
till the next sesion! Ü
##################################################

[Dracos]

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA.  Man, that was funnier than the fic.

I'm almost tempted to suggest: "Thanks for the laugh.  Why don't you post your response in place of your fic.  It's far more funny than that piece of shit."

Truthfully, you should politely rip "Rizu_Kun" apart, noting of course that an ending of "Kun" on your name generally indicates masculinty.  This bitch is certainly uppity about being female.  The whole "I'm female and therefore you are a homo for ECB'ing me." line was GOLDEN.  End with that as your sig.  It speaks for itself really.

Fearless Leader

[Rezantis]

Or you could pass it off to me, since the ECB is extremely busy and your time is best used in other areas... 'sides, a whack would be fun.  :P

[Anastasia]

Hmm...If you really want to take a run at it, sure. It would free me up to work on that MASH/C and H ECB...

[Rezantis]

Welcome to another fine session of the Evil Commentary Bureau. Today's target is Tidus vs Squall, by Rizu Kun.

ECB REZ: To aid your tiny little mind in locating and identifying my comments, they are all marked with "ECB REZ".  Since the Evil Commentary Bureau is relatively quite busy - cheer up, you're not unique in being this level of shit - I'll be handling your response today, not Dunefar.

#################################################
RIZU_KUN: har har har... target? so you're implying that i'm a victim of your fuckin scathing remarks?
#################################################
ECB REZ: Imply?  He told you outright, dumbass.  It was not an 'implication', unless your mind has rotted to the point where you're now failing to comprehend things when you're metaphorically beaten over the head with them.

ECB REZ: But then, looking at the fic, that might be a little charitable.


As always, this ECB will be an fair, balanced critique
#################################################
RIZU_KUN: fair and balanced? uhh.. do you have mental problems or something?!
#################################################
ECB REZ: No, we're of a high enough level that we can actually recognize sarcasm when we see it, and even make use of it.  The keyword here is sarcasm, S-A-R-C-A-S-M.  Go look it up in a dictionary if you aren't sure what I mean.


based on the merits of the story. The author will be allotted a single response. The response can be sent to dunefar@hotmail.com. We regret that only one response may be devoted to each commentary, but our reviewers are in high demand.
This ECB and all others may been seen at dracos.anifics.com. Feel free to drop by and give us a shoutout.
the tittle says it all...
ECB: What a way to start a fic in bad form. If you can't capitalize your title correctly, do you really think anyone with a sliver of intellect will want to read your story? You proclaim that your grammar and form will be terrible with that. It's a hell of a good way to take a crap on your audience before the story starts. Good work!
#################################################
RIZU_KUN: well sorrrryyyy, english isnt my native language. it is very unfortunate that i dont have your "superior intelect".
#################################################
ECB REZ: You're writing a fic (and I use the term very, very loosely) in the language, aren't you?  I've read innumerable fics by people whose first language isn't English, and many of them read a hell of a lot better than this trash.  It's no excuse, if you want mercy because English isn't your first language, go and write in your own language and stop abusing ours.  

ECB REZ: Apart from your other errors in that sentence, btw, intellect has two of the letter 'l'.  A fitting mistake, I suppose.


ECB: That's sarcasm, in case it wasn't plainly evident. With the standard you've set already, I've got to add some help notes.
Disclaimer: I don't own FFX!. or any its characters.
ECB: No, no, no. It's not a good thing to drop periods and exclamation points in the middle of your sentences. That should be a complete sentence, sans the mid statement punctuation. Pay attention, retard.
#################################################
RIZU_KUN: for your informtion SLUT, Microsoft Word Documents, when uploaded on ff.net, will have drastic changes on its format. (E.G. ellipsis spacing in between paragraphs, etc.) so it isnt my fault BITCH!
#################################################
ECB REZ: You know the problem is there, but you can't be bothered fixing it.  You'll note that a stack of other authors don't have this problem, even if they do write in Word.  Do you know why?

ECB REZ: This may be a difficult concept (check your dictionary, concept is a nasty word for some people), but those people spend the thirty seconds it takes to TIDY UP THE FORMATTING.

ECB REZ: Not to mention the fact that if you actually use Microsoft Word, it has an inbuilt spelling and grammar check... and while the grammar check sucks, it would have picked up a lot of your stupid mistakes.  This is pathetic.


Disclaimer: I don't own FFX or any of its characters.
ECB: While I'm pleasantly surprised you managed something of a disclaimer, you fell short. Would listing the owner of the Final Fantasy series have been that much harder for you to do? It's fucking common knowledge that Square owns Final Fantasy, and failing that, a simple Google search can turn up this fact in seconds.
#################################################
RIZU_KUN: well, you fucker, why do YOU CARE about my disclamer? this is MY disclaimer! I make my own disclamer, you make your own disclaimer, and everybody will be happy with everybody else's disclaimer. and if anybody wants to add that squaresoft owns the Final Fantasy Games they may do so! comprehendos?
#################################################  
ECB REZ: Do you even know what a disclaimer is, dickweed?  I suggest you try and think for at least ten seconds about this point, because it may just clear things up for you some.


Rizu-kun: ^-^ hi!!!
ECB: Whatever. - Squall
ECB: And the point of this comment is? Little greetings in the preliminaries do nothing to enhance the story, except to reiterate the fact that you can't capitalize well.
##################################################
RIZU_KUN: well, why do you care if i dont wanna capitalize my letters? this is MY fic, and it is absolutely NOT YOURS!
##################################################
ECB REZ: If this fic belonged to anyone in the ECB, we'd have to throw them the hell out.

ECB REZ: I wish you'd make up your mind.  First you're complaining that your writing sucks because English isn't your native language, now you're saying that it sucks because you don't want to write it properly.

ECB REZ: Christ in a cream cheese sauce.  Get your excuses straight before putting ass to keyboard, dumbfuck.


*************************************


ECB: Woah. Look at all the blank, wasted space!
##################################################
RIZU_KUN: as i said earlier, MS Word formating does not work when uploaded on FF.net
##################################################
ECB REZ: And as I said earlier, if you actually spent thirty seconds you could fix the whole problem.  Bitch.

As I skim your story, the fact that you have overstuffed the beginning and end of it with whiteness assails me. Two spaces are acceptable distance between your disclaimer and title, any more is just bad formatting.
Tidus VS Squall
ECB: Your title is stated before the story begins. Good work. But, it's a damn shame that it's in the middle of this white line void.
##################################################
RIZU_KUN: why do you care about the location of the title of the story? I'M the author and i HAVE the RIGHT to place the title wherever i want to!
##################################################
ECB REZ: How about shoved so far up your ass that you choke on it?


Venue: battle arena
ECB: The names of locations should have capital letters, not the lowercase disgrace you heap on it with this.
********ROUND 1********
*********FIGHT!**********
ECB: Ahem...This sucks. Want to know why? Right off, I noticed no real description of the area. You have some vague arena setup, but nothing beyond that. Even with that, you have them brawling in a literary nothingness, a black hole of a boneless setting. That's bad by itself. But, this crossover begs an even more important question, one beyond simple descriptive work. Why are Tidus and Squall fighting, and how? Since they are not on the same world, it's impossible for them to meet in the normal course of events, let alone end up fighting. Any writer worth a salt would craft a well thought out, believable reason for this to happen.
##################################################
RIZU_KUN: why the HELL do you bother so much to care about the description of the settings of my fic? when i say battle arena, think: ROMAN COLISEUM! lol!
##################################################
ECB REZ: There IS no description of the setting, bitch, that's what he's saying.  Read, comprehend, think, respond.  Four steps.  It's really not that hard for your average thinking being.

ECB REZ: And when you say 'battle arena', not everyone thinks instantly of a Roman colliseum.  Try describing it, because - get this - the idea of descriptions is to paint an image of a scene into the mind of the reader.  "Venue: battle arena" tells your readers absolutely nothing.




ECB: And what do we get? We get...NO GODDAMN REASON FOR THEM TO BE FIGHTING! This is the mark of a pisspoor writer who grabbed a concept without putting a wink of thought into it, blackening the mantle of Final Fantasy fanfiction with his shitty, mind numbing excuse for a story. Do you think the readers are fucking DUMB enough to chomp on this turd of a concept like a candy bar?
##################################################
RIZU_KUN: THIS is a HUMOR FIC, when reading a humor fic you do not care whether the circumstances are logical or not. the sole purpose of reading/writing a humor fic is to get a few laugh, you do not care whether it is POINTLESS or NOT basicaly because it has no plot!
##################################################
ECB REZ: No, it isn't, for the simple reason that a humour fic is meant to be FUNNY.  It's not that hard.  Circumstances do not have to be logical, it doesn't have to have a plot, and it doesn't even have to have a point, but if you're not going to do any of that you have to at least have the wit and writing skill to create comedy without it.

ECB REZ: And you fail miserably in that regard, since I don't think I can trust you to get my opinion unless I beat you across the head with it.



ECB: "Wow, it makes perfect sense for two heroes from different universes to fight for no reason! By golly, it makes so much sense that I don't even need to set it up! It's BOUND to happen!" - Rizu-kun
ECB: Logic cries as you rape it with this line of thought, bitch.
##################################################
RIZU_KUN: as you can see from reading this fic i really didnt care about making a background story that would be plausible enough to combine 2 different universes together, WHORE!      
##################################################
ECB REZ: Meaning that either you're too lazy to write something worthwhile or too fucking stupid to be capable, slut.


Squall: . .
ECB: A standard, grammatically correct ellipsis is three dots (...), not two dots with a space in the middle.
##################################################
RIZU_KUN: scroll up to find out the reason why there are only 2 freakin dots there!
##################################################
ECB REZ: Because, as we've already established, you're a lazy-ass ho.  Moving on . . .

That said, I'd love to know what you mean by using an ellipsis for Squall's dialogue. While it has a valid use in a chatroom or informal setting, it has no place in any sort of serious written work.
##################################################
RIZU_KUN: you actually thought that this fic is SERIOUS?! are you BLIND? have you seen the GENRE? it's HUMOR for HELL's sake! HUMOR=NOT SERIOUS
##################################################
ECB REZ: You have, I think, comprehension skills roughly equivalent to the average cow shit.  I'll explain for the clue-resistant: 'serious piece or writing' is being used here to refer to a piece of prose that is intended for public consumption.  IE, this miserable excuse for a 'fic'.


ECB: At this point, I notice another black mark on this tale. Script format is the Dark Path of fanfiction, it lures in crap and amplifies it. It only serves to leech out any descriptive prose you might add to, I don't know, MAKE THE FUCKING SCENE!
##################################################
RIZU_KUN: why do care if i follow the dark path of Fanfiction, that lures in crap and amplifies it, that only serves to leech out any descriptive prose, that does not allow me to describe a FUCKING scene?!
##################################################
ECB REZ: Well, we care because it makes you one of the most halfassed, shitfucking, barstool-raping cockslingers it's ever been our displeasure to ECB.  You may not see a problem, though.


ECB: The goal of good descriptions are to fill out the scene in the reader's mind, and make it more than a blurb of written words. You have taken this goal and used it for toilet paper.
Tidus: haha! Prepare to meet your doom!
ECB: Having played Final Fantasy 10, I cannot imagine Tidus saying any line this corny or OOC. Hell, even if it wasn't OOC for him to say such a weak line, it's overused, cliched, and outright played. Oh, and figure out when to use uppercase letters, ok?
##################################################
RIZU_KUN: as i said why do you care about my upercase letters?
##################################################
ECB REZ: Because we're reading it, bitch, and it's an affront to anyone who can actually use the English language.

Squall: whatever.
Tidus: gggrrrrrr... I hate it when you say that!
Squall: whatever.
Tidus: stop it!!!
Squall: whatever.
ECB: Pathetic. This makes no effort to be true to the characters, instead falling on a catchphrase and whining. Let's not even get into the lack of descriptive life to it, the arid prose, or the fact that you are still taking a dump on the capital letter.
##################################################
RIZU_KUN: first of all it is not my intention to be true to the characters... it is HUMOR, duh!
and secondly, catch phrases and whining are the most tipical behavior of 2 people having a pintless debate!
and thirdly, if you want description, USE YOUR IMAGINATION!!! but i doubt that you have any of those...
##################################################
ECB REZ: First, dumbass, you don't find humour by writing random lines of crap and slapping a character's name on it.  That's toxic levels of shit, or what you're trying to pass off as a 'fic'.  Second, catchphrases and whining are only the typical behaviour of two people in a debate when the two people combined have less mental capacity than your average eggnog milkshake - which is why I'm unsurprised that you're so familiar with this 'debate' method.  Third, the author is meant to provide description to give the readers something to imagine.  Jesus fucking christ, I wish I could give you a grade worse than a 'Fail'.


Tidus: if you repeat that once more I'm gonna.
Squall: you're gonna what?
ECB: Kill the author? Please do. *Hands Tidus a shotgun*
Tidus: I'm gonna attack!
ECB: *Blinks* Well, at least you finally figured out to use capital letters to start your sentences.
##################################################
RIZU_KUN: thank you! Ü
##################################################
ECB REZ: On the other hand, you're still a fuck.  Clearly the subtleties of that insult were a little much for you to grasp...

Squall: . .
Tidus: gggrrrrr.. Don't say that either!
ECB: Praytell, how in the world can Squall say '...'? It is a term meant to indicate a lack of speech, so tell me HOW IN THE NAME OF THE BLOODY BITCH HE CAN SAY ...? You fuckup, do you have any idea of how stupid that is? Let's give a big FUCK YOU to this week's target, Mr Talks in Net Symbols!
##################################################
RIZU_KUN: who are you callin "Mr"?! i'm a female! for your uncircumcised dick information! and it is not very polite to diss a female... you HOMO!
##################################################
ECB REZ: Congratulations, I'm at a loss.  How is telling someone they have an uncircumcised dick an insult?  Why are you trying to talk to his uncircumcised dick (I doubt it's particularly interested in what you may have to say)?  Why on earth does insulting a female, especially one as fucking stupid as your dumb bitchfucking self qualify one as a homo?

ECB REZ: And why the hell should we think you're female when you're outright calling yourself male?  For your information, applefuck, '-kun' is (to my knowledge) an almost exclusively male suffix.

ECB REZ: Nevertheless, I, at least, still hold the suspicion that you're hung like a banana.  A testosterone overdose might explain this half-cocked response perfectly . . .


ECB: And, to top it off, you reverted back to using assbackwards capitalization.
Squall: . .!!!
Tidus: stop it!!!!
ECB: Yes, please do. Stop the pain; stop the story.
Squall: . .
Tidus: shut up! Shut up! Shut up!
ECB: I think this is the first time where I'm hoping that a character is breaking the fourth wall. Please, follow Tidus' lead and shut up.
##################################################
RIZU_KUN: shut up? i'm not even talking...
##################################################
EBC REZ: You were writing, dumbass.


Squall: . .?
Tidus: ggggrrrrrr... I said shut up!!!
ECB: How? How is it possible for Squall to say nothing and not being in a state of shutting up? It totally doesn't make sense. It's a gaping hole of logic, and it's coming for us all. Run, the logical hole draws nigh!
##################################################
RIZU_KUN: i dont know, since you're the "GENIUS" between the 2 of us, why dont you figure it out?!
##################################################
ECB REZ: Because none of us want to try plumbing the depths of your mental processes?  It's because we're so much smarter than you that we don't want to figure it out, doing so would require an understanding of stupidity far in excess of anything we ever want to have.


Squall: whatever. .
ECB: I agree with Squall here. Whatever. Why the fuck should we care about this fic at all. It's completely pointless. Go SQUALL! RIGHT FOR ONCE IN YOUR LIFE!
Tidus: SHUT UP!!!!!! *attacks Squall with a punch *
ECB: How does he punch? Is it a right cross, or a left jab? Does he swing with force, or is a somewhat more measured blow? In light of this being the most descriptive paragraph so far...
##################################################
RIZU_KUN: USE YOUR IMAGINATION! if you have any.
##################################################
ECB REZ: A story is meant to showcase the author's imagination, dumbass.  Your stupidity is causing my teeth to ache.


ECB: I think we can assume, just from that line, that the fic sucks.- Olorin
##################################################
RIZU_KUN: it took you THAT long to figure it out?!
##################################################
ECB REZ: You don't seem to have figured it out yet.  Jesus fucking Christ, make up your mind.


Squall: *avoids Tidus' attack * haha!
Tidus: *slips and falls on the floor * aaaahhhh!!!!
ECB: And he dies via a broken neck. That's all folks, doors are on your right.
ECB: ...Wait, that's not the end of this fic. Fuck.

ECB REZ: More's the pity.


Squall: loozer!
Tidus: sniff,, sniff,, *eyes starts to water * I'm. I'm gonna.. I'm gonna call my dad!!!!
ECB: Dear Heaven. The OOC is overwhelming with this one. Tidus may not be the most stand up hero in the Final Fantasy series, but there in no bloody way he would go cry and call Daddy. Shitheap, he HATES his father until the end of the game, and then he dies...Wait, it all just clicked!
##################################################
RIZU_KUN: this is HUMOR i am allowed to make the characters OOC!
##################################################
ECB REZ: "I'm too damn tired from that latest fuck session with daddy's donkey to try and actually put these characters into a legitimately humourous situation, so let's just transcribe the last argument between my parents and put some random character names to it!  I'm a GENIOUS!"  <-- Is this your line of thought, or am I being too generous?


ECB: Tidus and Squall are both dead after you skullfucked them and are now stuck in hell - in your fic. It's perfect! What else is this but Squall and Tidus's personal hell? It's too shitty to be anything else!
##################################################
RIZU_KUN: hell yeah! i agree! its as shitty as your mouths are! thank you for the compliment (dont miss the sarcasm!)
##################################################
ECB REZ: Thanks for tagging it.  Generally we can identify sarcasm, but lately we've had an influx of targets who really are stupid enough to beat themselves up for us.  You seem about stupid enough to do so, so we can't really assume anymore.


ECB: Also, remeber that little thing called a spell and grammar check, it'll prevent little screwups, like using two commas.
Squall: whatever.
Tidus: *starts crying * WAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ECB: That is so pathetic it's almost funny - Dracos

Squall: crybaby!
Tidus: *eyes still watering * sniff,, I hate you!
ECB: As an idle note, I'm wondering why Tidus is now acting with the maturity level of a seven year old.
##################################################
RIZU_KUN: well, did you see me mention the age? ano right? then he could be 7 yrs old!
##################################################
ECB REZ: Tidus, in the game, is not seven years old.  I realize this isn't the Tidus from the game, but . . . the stupidity of that is really astounding.  Are you the product of several generations of inbreeding, were you dropped on your head repeatedly as a child, or did you spend your primary school years sniffing butane?

ECB REZ: I -refuse- to believe that your level of stupidity can be naturally occuring.  I mean, Jesus.  You're so fucking stupid that people probably flee from your the moment you step within range.  You're the kind of person who has to drug and rape shit-smeared paraplegic mailboxes to ever have a rottweiler's chance in a whorehouse to get any.

ECB REZ: And no, I don't care how old you are.  You could be a five year old for all I care.  The insult stands, cuntfucker.



Squall: I hate you too!
Tidus: I hate you more!
Squall: I hate you most!
Tidus: I hate you even better!
Squall: I hate you best!
ECB: I would comment on this part of the story, but that rubbish was so poorly written I couldn't read it without wanting to sacrifice a goat for my sanity. - Zenthor
##################################################
RIZU_KUN: then why the HELL did you read it?! dumb ass! suck your balls man!
##################################################
ECB REZ: Believe me, I don't think the guy wants you sucking his balls.  None of us even want to be on the same continent with you, and I pity the people who are.


Tidus: ooohh!! I really hate you!
Squall: whatever.
ECB: I can't muster up the nastiness to comment, it's just too weak to have anything towards this line but pity and disgust.
##################################################
RIZU_KUN: then you must be losing your touch!
##################################################
ECB REZ: Perhaps you're losing yours, because in a string of utter shit throughout this fic, you've finally managed a line which is merely pathetic.  Three cheers.



Tidus: gggggrrrrrr!!!!!!
Squall: hahaha!!!
Tidus: *eyes starts to water again * DADDY!!!!!!!! *runs away while crying *
ECB: Tidus, it's okay. Don't let the big bad author scare you. He sucks, but it'll be over soon and you can return to normal.
Squall: ??? ???
ECB: Squall seems to be fluent in the tongue of symbols now, I see.
Tidus backed out! So that means Squall WINS!!!
annoying BGM plays
Squall: *does the usual thing that he does every after battle when he wins * (~_^ you know! The part when he, like, swings his sword and make this pose .. )
ECB: Shit, this has more than one round? God, smite him, please!
********ROUND 2!*********
*********FIGHT!**********
Squall: crybaby!
Tidus: *takes his sword out * this time you'll pay!
ECB: And why didn't he do this in the first round? Oh, I forgot, the author was using to pick his nose.
##################################################
RIZU_KUN: I'm a SHE! and by the way, he didnt use it in the first round because the blasted sword was stuck in your asshole! you probably didnt notice this bacause you were out there dissing my fic!
##################################################
ECB REZ: Oh, of course!  The guy using a male name is obviously a she!

ECB REZ: The stupidity of the second statement is almost, but not quite, enough to make my eyes spontaneously start bleeding.  Keep trying, bitch.



Squall: whatever.
Tidus: ggggrrrrrr!!!! *attacks Squall *
ECB: If Squall was like this, I'd want to attack him too. Well, after I flayed the author alive for being a herpes infested cuntwaffle, that is.
Squall: *didn't move * . .
Tidus: take this! *hits squall on the head *
ECB: Die. Now. Often.
#$%WHAM!!!@%$*&(
Squall: *stars jumping on his head * #_x w-what.ev-v-ver.. *got unconscious *
ECB: This sentence is so fundamentally fucked up that I feel that it deserves special attention. How would stars start jumping on Squall's head in the first place? No sense there. Then, he GOT unconscious? No, no, no, you old retarded monkey turd. Grammar is not something to run over, so stop treating it like roadkill.
##################################################
RIZU_KUN: well sooorrrryyy, you BRAINLESS DIRTY VERMIN, english isnt my best subject!
##################################################
ECB REZ: Believe me, we can tell.  Perhaps you should stop trying to write this shit and go back to a language that you might actually be able to speak coherently enough that people -don't- get the urge to rip out your guts and use them as rope to hang you from the nearest tree?



Tidus: *goes to Squall * is he dead? *pokes Squall with a stick *
ECB: And what happened to his shiny sword? You know, the one he hit Squall with?
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RIZU_KUN: it was stuck to one of the members of ECB's asshole!
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EBC REZ: Translation: It fell through a hole in the plot.  Moron, can you not keep yourself straight for a hundred words?


Squall's unconscious! That means Tidus WINS!!!!
ECB: Two down...
******ROUND 3!*******
********FIGHT!*********
Squall: *grins * whatever!!!
Tidus: that wont work ANYMOOORE!!!!! *attacks Squall *
ECB: Why won't this fic stop going on and on and on and on. Any more of this stuff and I will get a compelling desire to shoot you in the face.
##################################################
RIZU_KUN: by all means, do so! no body's stoping you! the only problem is, you dont know where i live!
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ECB REZ: You live in the Phillipines, somewhere around the Metro Manila area.  I think Makati, but I unfortunately can't be certain without spending more than a minute or two of examination, and you isn't worth the effort of tracing the routers any closer to the source right now.

ECB REZ: As it is, we've got it down to what should be a small enough radius that a single nuke should solve the problem, unless your cockroach like tendencies extend further than we anticipate.



Squall: *defended himself by blocking Tidus' attack with his sword * wow! You really are serious this time!
ECB: A shred of detail, yet still so lacking.
Tidus: *jumps backwards and grins * hehehe.
Squall: ~_^ w- whatever.
Tidus: WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!
Squall: WHATEVER!!! *kept on attacking *
Tidus: *avoiding the attacks * what the?!
ECB: SUCH VIVID PROSE! YOU LIGHT UP THE SCREEN WITH THE FINELY SCULPTED DETAILS! IT'S LIKE WATCHING A MOVIE! Wha...Damn.... And that dream was so nice.... GO AWAY AUTHOR AND LEAVE ME MY DREAMS!
##################################################
RIZU_KUN: i wasnt the one who APPROACHED you, you were the one who fount MY fic! BIRDBRAIN!
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ECB REZ: And you were the one who put it up in public to be viewed.  What did you expect, mindless adulation?  For this crap?



*******So the fight goes on.*********
after 3 hours
ECB: It will never work but a dream has come again.... DIE! *SHOOTS AUTHOR*
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RIZU_KUN: I"M STILL ALIVE! NA HA!
##################################################
ECB REZ: More's the pity, really.  You and your ilk need to be exterminated before you pollute the gene pool any further.  We have more than enough stupid in the world as it is, something's got to be done.


Tidus: *gasping * . .
Squall: *gasping * . .
Tidus: I still wont give up!
Squall: I don't care! Whatever.
Tidus: *starts attacking Squall again * take this! and that! And these!
Squall: *blocking each attack * . ??? !!!

ECB: To tell you the truth, I found this big white space more interesting than the last few lines of this story. Next time, just post tons of blank lines, okay?
##################################################
RIZU_KUN: sure! and i'll dedicate it to the wonderful SLUTS at the ECB
##################################################
ECB REZ: Well get to it, bitch.  What're you wasting time for?  You could be sitting there mindlessly hitting the enter key RIGHT NOW!  It'd sure as hell be less noxious than this shitty, half-witted excuse for a 'response'.

ECB REZ: You wouldn't even have to pretend you were thinking, nobody would face the horror of reading it, FFnet would be polluted that much less, you wouldn't have us rubbing exactly what kind of shitlicking dumbass you are into your face.  Everybody wins!



Who will win?! Find out in the next chapter!!!
ECB: Not the reader, that's for fucking sure.

Rizu-kun: he he he. pleas review first! That is. before I would post the next chapter! Nyehehehehe!!!!
ECB: And review I shall. This is an especially noxious fic, going above and beyond the call of a normal cumpile and into true sucking. The final grade is an F, of course.
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RIZU_KUN: why thank you! actually i expected alot LESS from you guys like a -Z!
##################################################
ECB REZ: If we could grade you any lower than an F, believe me, we would; unfortunately we have customs we keep to.

ECB REZ: You know, a lot of the previous ECBer's criticism could have been constructive if you'd actually taken the time to comprehend before shitting all over the keyboard like this.



##################################################
RIZU_KUN: ^-^ aawwww... you cared enouogh to diss the whole thing? i'm so touched! i feel so "LOVED" by the EBC JERKS. in fact, i feel so touched that i feel obliged to report posible abuse to the FF.NET staff.
till the next sesion! Ü
##################################################
ECB REZ: And I'm sure they'll care.  Do have fun.  ^^

I admit that I am quite impressed by the brilliance of your response; the stupidity is so bright that it's hard to look at directly.  Rarely does someone use their single response as completely ineffectually as yourself, and I'm almost at a loss as to how to categorize it.

This was utterly pathetic.  With purely ineffectual attacks and not even a whit of thought to defense, you're response has -also- earned you an 'F' for your grade.  Congratulations.

Have a nice day, and make sure to fuck a pear tree on your way to hell.

--Rezantis
Evil Commentary Bureau
"I'm female, so you're a homo for insulting me!"


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I -really- needed to vent.