Trials of the Soul

[KLSymph]

Way back in the day (around this May), I asked Serafita for the priviledge of writing one of his ideas. He gave the word, and I wrote, and posted the prologue here. I was given commentary, I took those into consideration, I wrote some more, I had fun writing, and all was good.

The summer months came, and with it a loss of reliable internet connection and a gain of reliable timesinks (work, summer classes). Writing became difficult, as I had not, and still have not, mastered the high art of "writing in chunks instead of nine hours straight nonstop". Now the summer has passed and I'm back in my dorm with 24/7 broadband and no one to force me to go to sleep at night.

I can't start up writing this story again.

Having what can only be called a dismal work ethic in regards to writing, I seize upon what has compelled me to write before. Thusly, I am here again posting my rather mediocre prose in hopes of getting someone to smack me out of complacency. Again.

PLEASE WON'T SOMEONE CRITICIZE MY WRITING SO THAT I CAN BE MOTIVATED TO WRITE AGAIN!?

Thank you.

[KLSymph]

******************
Trials of the Soul
******************
by KLSymph

Disclaimer: Ranma 1/2, the manga, is the creation of Rumiko Takahashi.
Magic Knight Rayearth, the manga, is the creation of CLAMP.
The original idea "Trials of the Soul" is the creation of Philip
"Serafita" Chan, with aid from Corwin, and this story is written with
his knowledge, consent, and blessing.  
Serafita's website, and his idea page, can be found at:
--ranko.anifics.com--
Join the Revolution.

Divergence Warning: This story is based solely upon manga canon for
both Ranma 1/2 and Magic Knight Rayearth; no anime, no
OAV. Specifically, it diverges from Ranma canon before book 21, in
other words, before Ranma met Nodoka for the first time, and before
Herb. The events of Magic Knight Rayearth, on the other hand, have not
occured at all yet; the manga canon is only used for background
information at the present time.

"speech"
'thoughts'

--[ Chapter 0 ]--

//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

The loud crack of shinai striking together echoed through the hushed
auditorium as the two armored combatants clashed for the umpteenth
time that round.  It was truly a glorious match, a contest between
righteous men of the blade, a duel between equals in skill and power.
Each man strove to the utmost to prove his ability and dominance over
his foe.  Each strike was a glimpse into the fighter's heart; each
parry was a reflection of the fighter's soul.  It was the perfect
embodiment of the Path of the Sword.

Ranma Saotome was bored out of his MIND!

As the fight raged onward in the square arena before him, Ranma
twitched in his seat in the auditorium stands.  He stretched his legs.
He messed with his shirt.  He scratched his neck.  He even yawned
softly once in a while.  Anything was better than being here!

The minutes passed, the match progressed, and Ranma was starting to
wind up for another yawn when an elbow came out of nowhere to jab him
in the ribs.  He blinked in confusion as he turned toward the short,
blue-haired girl sitting towards his left, and was rewarded with a
pointed glare.

"Ranma, stop fidgeting!" Akane Tendo hissed at him angrily as she
turned her evil eye on the annoying boy beside her.  "You're starting
to drive me nuts!"

Well, that wasn't fair at all....

"I can't help it, Akane!" Ranma griped back, "Why'd I gotta be here
anyways?  It's not like I want ta be here for no kendo match.  These
guys ain't even in my league anyway.  Look at 'em!"  With that, Ranma
turned back towards the kendo arena, a look of utter boredom on his
face.  "I can't believe you actually wanna watch this."

"Keep your voice down, Ranma.  We're here already anyways.  Being a
kid about it won't make the time go any faster," Akane replied as she
too returned her attention to the fight.  "Besides, this is the last
kendo match.  After this, you can run back to the kempo arena if you
want to so badly."

Ranma snorted derisively in the direction of the arena. "The karate
and aikido matches are somethin' worth watching at least.  Look at
these guys.  They can't even move right under all of that kendo armor.
Arrgh, I can't wait till it's over!"  The young martial artist gazed
yearningly towards the auditorium doors for a moment, before lowering
his eyes and fidgeting some more.

Akane shook her head in irritation as she turned back towards her
fiancee.  "I swear you are such a baby sometimes Ranma. If you
weren't-"

She never got the chance to finish, for at that instant, the referee
raised his flag and announced in a clear voice: "POINT, MATCH, SATORU
SHIDOU WINS!!!"

The auditorium crowd jumped to its feet cheering, and Akane wrenched
her gaze from Ranma back to the arena.  "Ahh!" she cried in dismay,
"You made me miss the end, you idiot!"  Akane shot to her feet as
well, trying to catch a glimpse of the victorious duelist before he
left the arena.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. It's not like you missed anything important or
nothin'."

Ranma stood and stretched the stiffness from his muscles.  Looking
around the auditorium, he found to his delight that since everyone was
crowding toward the arena trying to get a look at the victor as Akane
was, the exits of the building were quite clear and free of people.
"Anyways, I'm outta here!" he called carelessly over his shoulder as
he jumped over the few empty seats between him and the nearest aisle,
"Maybe if I run, I can make the aikido semi-finals!"

And Akane was left trying to squeeze through the crowds to chase after
him.

"Ranma you jerk! Wait for me!"

----------

Evening fell over the tournament grounds.  The competition was over,
and three martial artists were walking towards home, content in the
results of the day.  As they enjoyed the cool evening breeze of early
spring, they conversed, sharing their experiences of the day.  A
tournament of such magnitude only came a few times a year in Tokyo,
and it had been through great fortune that they had been able to
attend, for their busy schedules did not often give them such a
chance.  And so, the three martial artists walked onward, giving voice
to their memories of the spectacular contests of strength, the cunning
tactics of the victors, and the great knowledge that they had gained
from witnessing such excellence in the martial arts.

"Stupid old man!  Come on!  Share the wealth a little!"

"Quiet boy!  A true martial artist is willing to endure anything in
the name of the Art!"

"WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT!?  You made me come here to watch
this tournament, saying it'll be good for me and all, but the moment me
and Akane arrive you run off!  I know you've been trying to grab food
again, I saw you running from that vendor. You're just lucky that your
big gut hasn't slowed you down any, or one of these days you're gonna
get what's coming to you, you big panda!"

At the same time, four blocks away from those three martial artists, a
portly middle aged man dressed in an old gray gi, a young teenage boy
wearing a red Chinese shirt, and an equally young lady clad in a
casual sweater walked towards the train station.  The man was juggling
a number of small boxes, each with a different vendor logo on it, all
obviously food packages from the labels, as the boy lunged
periodically at him, trying to snag a box for himself.  The girl
walked a few feet behind the two, shaking her head at the childish
display.

"So I went and got some food for myself," Genma Saotome retorted as he
dodged yet another lunge, "That's all part of my training and you know
it boy!  Just for that, you're not getting any of this food at all!"

"WHAT!?  Me an' Akane haven't eaten since breakfast 'cause of you!
You were the one who dragged us to this tournament, now you're not
gonna give us something to eat!?  You've been eating all day!"
Ranma's lunges became quicker, as he became more frantic.

"A martial artist's got to eat boy!" Genma shouted as he leapt out of
Ranma's range, completely ignoring the fact that Ranma was as much a
martial artist as he was.  "Besides, you don't hear Akane whining like
a little girl about it, do you?"

Before Ranma could respond to that little crack, Akane's voice
chimed in the air.

"Well, if you're that hungry Ranma, I'll make something for you when
we get home."

Ranma went completely, utterly still.

"Err... that's not really necessary Akane.  I'm sure that Kasumi's got
somethin' warmed on the stove for us, right?"

Akane continued cheerfully onward, unmindful of Ranma's sudden
nervousness. "Oh, it's no problem Ranma, I'd be happy to cook for
you!"

Ranma twitched, just a little.  "Oh, r-really, it's not that big of a
deal, Akane!" he stuttered, "Really, I'm not that hungry after all!"
A nervous laugh escaped his lips before he could stifle it.

Akane's cheerfulness turned into annoyance in an instant.  "Oh, so you
don't think that my cooking's good enough for you?" she growled as she
wheeled in Ranma's direction.

Quick, think fast, think fast....

"Umm... well... there was the time when you made those cookies in
class," Ranma blurted out before trailing off uncertainly as he tried
desperately to find something else to say.

Akane's righteous fury faltered a little as she remembered that little
incident, and how it turned out in the end.  "Th-that was an
accident!" she sputtered, "I was so sure I had the recipe right that
time."  Flushed with embarrassment, Akane came to a halt.

Feeling a moment of respite, and naturally not being able to drop the
subject while he was ahead, Ranma plunged onward.  "Yeah, well,
obviously you didn't pay enough attention, you know.  I was sick for a
week from those.  How did you manage to pack so much peppercorn in
those things anyway?  At least, I think they were peppercorns. What
else could numb the gut like that?"

"I... I... oh RANMA YOU JERK!!!"

Egged on by the infuriating boy, Akane took a lazy swing in Ranma's
direction.  It didn't connect, of course.  With a short little hop,
Ranma jumped out of reach.

"Hah!  Nice try tomboy.  If you wanna hit me, you'll hafta try harder
than that!"  Ranma chuckled a little at the look Akane's face.  "You
know, you shouldn't be all red like that Akane. It doesn't make you
any cuter!"  With that final jab, Ranma ran ahead of the little group,
turning the corner before Akane could wind up for another swing,
laughing all the way.

Akane stood where she had been left, simmering in her rage.  A whirl
of emotions passed over her face before she turned around to address
Genma, who had been bemusedly watching the whole thing from a small
distance.

"Uncle Genma, you don't think my cooking's that bad, do you?"

Proving yet again that no man of the Saotome name could keep his mouth
shut at the critical moment, Genma proceeded to jam his foot into his
big fat trap.

"Well, there was that one time with the white wine...."

Three blocks away, a small flock of birds was roused from its rest by
a loud, female scream of indignation.

-----

Ranma smirked as the wave of almost tangible feminine rage passed over
him.  'Heh, so uncute,' he thought to himself as he walked up to an
intersection.  'She's never gonna learn ta cook if she's gonna be such
a tomboy all the-'

"HIKARU!!!  WATCH OUT!!!"

'-time?  What?  What's going on?'

Ranma's eyes darted across the intersection as his body tensed in
readiness.  There, a respectable distance further along the street,
was a family of four: a woman, three boys, all older than he was.  And
there, in the middle of the street, was a short, red-haired girl on
her knees, right in the path of an on-coming car barreling towards
her.  Damsel in distress, check. Imminent danger, check.  Estimation
of probable consequence of nonaction....

Trying to outrace a car is what many would consider a pretty brainless
move.  On the other hand, many would consider Ranma Saotome a pretty
brainless individual.  It is said: only a fool does not know that a
task cannot be accomplished, and only a fool can accomplish such a
task.  There were many who considered Ranma Saotome a complete and
utter imbecile.

In the end, it was not a choice, really.  After all...

'Ranma Saotome doesn't lose.'

Without another thought, Ranma threw himself forward.

~~~~~~~~~~

Ranma glared at the car as he watched it speed off.  Before he could
get up to chase after it, however, the petite figure pressed to his
chest shifted, and he slowly stood up, lifting the girl as well,
supporting her until he saw that she could stand on her own.  Though
the girl's head was down as she tried to regain her breath and
composure, he could see that this "Hikaru" was quite short, even a
little shorter than his girl form.  Not only that, but her pinkish red
hair reached down to her waist in a long ponytail.  If he didn't know
any better, she'd be able to pass herself off as his girl side from a
distance if she only had shorter hair....

"Hey, you okay?  Are you hurt anywhere?"

The girl shook her head at that, before raising her eyes to meet his.
For a moment, he was caught in her gaze, before-

"Hikaru! Are you alright?! You're not hurt are you?!"  One of the
older boys from before (her brother?) ran in from the side and swept
her up in a protective hug.  He was soon joined by the other members
of the family, as they started to fret over the flustered girl.  Ranma
smiled a little at the harried expression on the girl's face before
turning around and walking back the way he came.  It must be nice,
being fussed over by a mother and siblings. Oh well, this wasn't his
business; he had done his part already. Besides, he didn't need that
sort of thing anyway. It'd probably just make him soft or something.

As he turned the corner, Ranma noticed the oldest boy of the family
looking in his direction.  With a friendly smile and a jaunty wave to
the young man, he walked onwards, away from the happy scene.

-----

A block later, Ranma was starting to get irritated.

"Where are they?  I didn't run that fast.  They should've made
it here by now!"

Grumbling in annoyance at the slow footpaces of pandas and tomboys,
Ranma continued walking back toward where he had left Akane and his
old man behind, confident that, unlike say, Ryouga, he would be able
to find the two if he looked for them while he walked.

"Wait!  Please wait a second!"

Stopping short at the voice, Ranma turned around to see the ponytailed
girl running towards him, though she seemed to be favoring her left
ankle a bit.  Concerned, he walked up to her as she slowed to a stop,
gasping for breath.

"Hey, are you okay?  You shouldn't be running like that if your
ankle's hurt."

The girl looked up at his concerned face for a moment, before lowering
her gaze again.  She seemed to gather herself together, but suddenly
seemed to deflate again, at last simply settling for nodding to
Ranma's question.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Ranma repeated worriedly.  This girl
obviously had to be hurt in some way.  Her face shouldn't be as red as
all that just from running a block or so....

The girl's face reddened even more at the question.  In a soft, shy
voice, she stammered a quick apology, one that Ranma didn't quite
catch.  After another moment of staring at the ground, she shyly
looked up again.

"Umm... I, ah, never got the chance to say thank you for saving
me... umm... My name is Hikaru. Hikaru Shidou.  I... that's all I really
wanted to say.  Thank you," she finally managed, and then fell silent.

Saving a cute girl from certain injury was something that Ranma could
do without blinking.  Talking to a cute girl on equal terms was
another kettle of fish entirely.  Now in the latter situation instead
of the former, Ranma felt just as nervous as this Hikaru looked.
Completely out of his depth, he could only give the girl a nervous
smile.

"Ah, yeah, I'm Ranma Saotome.  And you don't hafta thank me, really.
I was glad to do it.  Martial artist's duty to protect others and all
that."

Having nothing more to say either, Ranma too fell silent.

The two of them were quiet for a bit, each trying to think up
something to break the awkward moment.

The moment was broken when Ranma saw Hikaru's family walk up.  Glad
for the distraction, Ranma smiled at Hikaru again.  "Hey, it looks
like your family's getting impatient with you.  Guess you better be
getting yourself home now."

Hikaru returned the smile with a bright one of her own.  "Yeah!  Sure,
um... I guess I'll see you around then.  Maybe.  Umm...."

Ranma laughed a little at Hikaru's words.  "Well, take care of
yourself then.  You should watch out for that ankle too.  See ya."

"Yeah...."

Hikaru seemed to gather herself and come to a conclusion.  Before
Ranma could react, she had caught him in a big, friendly hug, one full
of warmth and affection.  Just as quickly, she was standing in front
of him again, cheeks as bright red as before.  Ranma could only stare
in silence as the girl before him stammered out a "Thank you ag-"

And that was as far as she got.  One instant had him standing on the
sidewalk, frozen in shock.  The next had seen him in the middle of the
street, sporting a whopper of a headache.  When he looked back towards
his previous standing place, he found an angry blue-haired,
mallet-wielding girl glaring right at him.  Hikaru was standing where
she had been before with a shocked look on her face, her family doing
the same half a block away.  Genma was there as well, though he didn't
look surprised at all, seeing how he was stuffing his face from a box
of food.  Ranma gritted his teeth as he fought the vertigo from the
mallet impact in an attempt to stand up.  Something had obviously set
the Uncute One off again, and he wasn't about to let it go without a
good tongue-lashing!

"YOU STUPID UNCUTE TOMBOY!!!  WHAT DID YOU-"

And then, everything went dark.

----------

Sunlight streaming into the room.

"Ah, I see you've awakened, young man.  Many within our medical staff
were afraid for your life when we first saw your condition, but I must
admit I have never seen such a quick healing.  You had some seriously
fractured bones and a major hit to your head, as well as a good amount
of internal damage and a few cuts, but as far as I can see, with
another few days of bed rest you'll be out of here as good as new! I
hear that you're a martial artist.  Hah, if that's true, then everyone
in Tokyo should take up the hobby if it makes them as healthy as you
are."

Birds chirping outside the window.

"Wh... where am I?  What happened to me?"

"You don't remember?  Well, that's not such an uncommon thing with
head trauma.  You had a little disagreement with a truck on a major
public road.  You lost that agreement, I'm afraid, though from what I
heard about the front of that truck, I'd say you gave it a good
fight."

Soft cotton sheets.

"Wh, what?  I... I don't understand."

"Ah, don't worry about it.  It's not that important.  Now then. I want
to make sure that you're all set as far as the software goes, if you
catch my drift.  So, I'll ask you a few questions."

Flagrant blossoms in a vase.

"Umm... I guess that's okay.  Ask away...."

"Well, let's start with the easy stuff, shall we?  Can you tell me
about yourself? Name, age, birthday, the works."

Something feels missing.

"I... my name is...."

Something....

//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Edit: small tag error

[KLSymph]

******************
Trials of the Soul
******************
by KLSymph

Disclaimer: Ranma 1/2, the manga, is the creation of Rumiko Takahashi.
Magic Knight Rayearth, the manga, is the creation of CLAMP.
The original idea "Trials of the Soul" is the creation of Philip
"Serafita" Chan, with aid from Corwin, and this story is written with
his knowledge, consent, and blessing.  
Serafita's website, and his idea page, can be found at:
--ranko.anifics.com--
Join the Revolution.

Divergence Warning: This story is based solely upon manga canon for
both Ranma 1/2 and Magic Knight Rayearth; no anime, no
OAV. Specifically, it diverges from Ranma canon before book 21, in
other words, before Ranma met Nodoka for the first time, and before
Herb. The events of Magic Knight Rayearth, on the other hand, have not
occured at all yet; the manga canon is only used for background
information at the present time.

"speech"
'thoughts'

--[ Sidestory 0 ]--

//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

"Hikaru!  Are you still not up yet?  We're going to be late for the
tournament if you don't get up now, you know!"

Light streamed through the window as Kyoko Shidou pulled back the
heavy drapes, illuminating the bed of one Hikaru Shidou as she vainly
shied away from the morning rays.  The redheaded girl wrinkled her
brow in annoyance, not yet ready to face the dawn.  It's just too
early!

"MO~~~M!!!  I don't want to get up yet!" Hikaru whined as she pulled
the covers over her head.  The defiant attempt at getting more sleep
was defeated when her mother whisked the covers from her bed in one
smooth motion, leaving Hikaru, dressed only in her thin nightgown,
open and vulnerable to the chilly spring air.

"EEK!!!"  No longer even the slightest bit sleepy, Hikaru jumped from
the bed.  "Mom! Why do you always do that!?"  Without waiting for an
answer, she started through her dresser, searching for something to
cover herself with.

"Well dear, if you got up on time every day, I wouldn't have to, now
would I?" Kyoko returned logically as she folded up the blanket in her
hands and set them down on the bed. "Satoru's already up and making
breakfast, so you should be up too."  Too busy getting a sweater and a
skirt on herself, Hikaru didn't respond.

Kyoko sighed to herself as she stepped over a fallen bokken and looked
around the messy room.  How in the world did her daughter grow up to
be so... so....  A mother tries her best to raise her kids up right,
but this is too much!  Why, when she was a girl, she got up every day
at the crack of dawn without complaint!  She was a good little girl
who did as she was told and acted appropriate to her age!  She wasn't
interested in things like kendo; she learned proper things like
etiquette and tea ceremony!  With the way she acted, her little Hikaru
would never find a good boyfriend.  Maybe it wasn't such a good idea
to put her in an all-girls school....

"Are you even listening?"

Kyoko snapped back out of despairing mother mode as Hikaru's voice
penetrated.  "No dear, the others aren't up yet either.  I was going
to go get them after waking you," she replied, a little chagrined that
she had been caught unaware.

"Oh, don't worry about that Mom.  I'll go get them."  Pausing for a
moment to grab a Hello Kitty plushie from her dresser, Hikaru skipped
merrily from the room.

Kyoko watched her youngest prance out the door with a growing sense of
doom.  Sure enough, a moment later, a masculine scream of horror
issued from the next room over, followed by the sounds of a madly
giggling young girl running for her life from an enraged older
brother.

"Maybe it would've been better just to let her sleep."

-----

Satoru Shidou glanced up from setting the table as Masaru Shidou's
distinct cry echoed through the house.  A moment later, a blur of red
exploded into the room and huddled behind him, followed closely by a
red-faced, out-of-breath Masaru himself.  Satoru smiled to himself as
he watched Masaru gasp air back into his lungs.  This was why he woke
up earlier than Hikaru for so many years.

Before Masaru could start chasing Hikaru around the room, the last of
the Shidou siblings, Kakeru, ran into the room as well.  He looked
around the room wildly for a second, as if searching for danger,
before his eyes settled on the scene at the table.  There was Masaru,
glaring at Hikaru, while she hid behind Satoru's tall frame, but why
would she be hiding from Masaru?  Unless....

"HIKARU!  YOU DIDN'T!!!" Kakeru gasped in horrific realization.

Hikaru, clutching the back of Satoru's shirt as she kept her eyes on
Masaru, only nodded at Kakeru's accusation.

Kakeru all but recoiled in shock. "You, w-with the plushie?!  But
that's-"

"How could you DO that to me Hikaru?!" Masaru cried in righteous
anger, "The last time you did it to Kakeru, he couldn't sleep for
DAYS!"  With a growl, Masaru leapt toward Hikaru from around Satoru's
side, only to grasp air as the little imp circled around, keeping her
oldest brother between the two, grinning all the while.

Satoru sighed to himself.  It was time to play peacekeeper once again.
"You two shouldn't do this at the breakfast table," he calmly
announced, "and Masaru, you haven't dressed properly yet."

"But bro!  She-"

"Dress first, Masaru," Satoru firmly intoned, "You can continue this
after you've put on something other than a shirt and boxers."

"Fine, fine," Masaru mumbled.  Grumbling dark promises of vengeance
under his breath, the seventeen year old left the room in search of a
wardrobe for the day.

Hikaru sighed in relief as Masaru walked out.  It had been risky, but
it was so much FUN!

"Hikaru."

Of course, with the stern looks coming her way from her other two
brothers, it may be a little early for relief at the moment.

"Umm... you're not angry too, are you?"

-----

"So, are you ready for today's tournament, Satoru?"

"Yes mother, I am."

Hikaru harrumphed to herself as she filled Hikari's bowl.  It was so
unfair!  She should be in the tournament too!

"The tournament isn't for your age group, Hikaru," Satoru gently
reminded her, "So you shouldn't let it get to you.  Being angry about
it won't help."

"But it's not fair!  I'm good enough to compete!"

"Even if you are," Kyoko declared from the head of the table as Hikaru
returned to her breakfast, "I don't want you to get yourself hurt
doing such a thing. Your ankle isn't healed enough for a competition,
you know."

"It sure was fine when you were running from me a few minutes ago,"
Masaru muttered crossly as he sipped his miso.

Taking a moment to present Masaru with a "biii-da", Hikaru shook her
head.  "It's fine mom.  It's only been what?  Two weeks since I
sprained it?  I don't even need the wrap anymore, see?"

Kyoko sighed in exasperation as Hikaru showed that her left foot
indeed wasn't wrapped.  "You just need to be more careful when you're
practicing Hikaru.  In any case, we should get going soon.  We don't
want to miss the opening ceremonies and registration, now do we?"

"That's right!" Kakeru exclaimed excitedly as he wolfed down the rest
of his rice, "If we're gonna cheer Satoru on, we can't make him late!"
With that, he began clearing the dishes from the table, and was soon
joined by Masaru and Hikaru as well, leaving the two elder Shidous by
themselves.

"Those three, they can just be so hyper sometimes," Kyoko remarked to
her first son as her youngest three carried the cups and plates to the
kitchen.

"Yes," Satoru replied with a serene smile, "but you wouldn't have them
any other way."

Kyoko returned the smile.  After all, there was nothing she could, or
would, say to deny it.

----------

"And he~~~~re's lunch!"

Kyoko and Satoru stared wide-eyed at the array of snacks and fast
foods that lined the food court table.  Masaru and Kakeru stood at the
side, proudly surveying the fruits of their labors, having spent the
past half hour gathering the best cuisine available from the
tournament vendors.

"That's... a little much you two. Are you sure we can eat all of
this?"

"Don't worry Mom!  In celebration of Satoru's great victory, we must
all enjoy the boundless abundance of food that modern society has set
out for us!" Masaru replied with a broad grin.  "Besides, we can just
bag it up if we have any left over anyway."

"Well, I suppose if we all take a fifth of the table each, we can eat
most of this," Satoru slowly opined, "It's a good thing I don't have
any other competitions, or else I wouldn't be able to hold it all down
in the arena."

"Ah, don't worry about it bro!" Masaru cried with a hearty slap on
Satoru's back, "Come on, let's get started on this."  True to his
word, Masaru plopped himself down on the nearest bench and mowed into
the fried chicken with gusto.

Kyoko and Satoru stared for a moment at Masaru's... energy, before
shrugging as one and reaching for dishes themselves.  Kakeru sat down
as well, but before he could begin eating, he noticed that something
was missing.

"Where did Hikaru go?"

"She went to look around the grounds," Kyoko dismissively replied as
she ate, "She said she'd be back after a while, so I let her go."

"Err... shouldn't we wait for her before eating?"

"Nah," Masaru snorted, "You know Hikaru, if she was here, she'd
finish all of this before we could blink."

"Yeah, that's true," Kakeru admitted as he looked down at the tub of
ice cream in his hands, "That girl sure can eat.  I don't think I'll
ever figure out where she puts it though."

"Yeesh, just don't tell her that, Kakeru.  She'll probably bite
your head off.  Besides, she sweats it all off in kendo practice
anyways.  Tomboy."

-----

Hikaru walked around the food court, searching for her family's table.
The grounds were packed with people, as the various competitions were
on lunch break and the spectators were all frantically trying to get a
meal in before they started up again.  Scanning the crowds for the
right table was proving quite fruitless, since all of the customers
milling about made it difficult to see.

And of course, being four foot eight didn't help matters one bit.

'Ooh, where is everyone?!  I bet they're all already eating without
me!'

With the promise of Haagen-Daas waiting for her at the table, Hikaru
marched onward yet again.  She hadn't taken a few more steps, though,
before a body collided with her small frame, sending her stumbling.  A
small surge of pain shot through her left foot as she stepped on it
from the wrong angle, and she fell to the ground, clutching her ankle.

"Oh dear, I'm sorry miss!"

Hikaru looked up to see a man standing over her.  He was dressed in a
vendor's uniform, and it was obvious from his labored breathing that
he had been running for a while.

"I didn't see you at all," the vendor explained as he helped Hikaru
up.  "Sorry about that. Are you alright?"

Hikaru gingerly placed some weight on her injured ankle, then relaxed
in relief when her foot didn't protest.  Looks like it wasn't hurt too
bad after all.

"I'm okay.  It was just an accident, so don't worry about it."

The vendor smiled in relief.  "Well, that's good to hear. I've got to
be going now.  Sorry again." With that, he ran off in the direction he
was going before, stopping for a moment to scan the crowd as if
searching for someone, then turning in a random direction and setting
off again.

Hikaru watched the man search the crowd in puzzlement, then shrugged
the incident off.  That vendor must have had his reasons for being in
a hurry.

"Hikaru!  There you are!  If you don't hurry over, Kakeru'll finish
all the ice cream!"

Yanked back to more important concerns, Hikaru raced towards her
mother's call.

"KAKERU!!! LEAVE SOME FOR ME!!!"

----------

"I'm out."

"Yeah, me too."

"I guess that was the last of it...."

"I guess so...."

Hikaru glanced forlornly at the empty box of Pocky in her hand, before
perking up again.  "Oh well," she sighed contentedly, "it was good
while it lasted, right?"

"You said it sis," Kakeru replied as the Shidou family walked along
the sidewalk towards home.  He looked down at his own box, the last
remnant of the food bought that day.

"Hmm... let's see, garbage can... garbage can...." Hikaru muttered as
she looked around the darkened street for a place to throw away her
box, "Hey! There's one!"  Wasting no time, she snatched Kakeru's empty
container from his hand and crossed the street to the intersection
corner on the other side, where the receptacle in question awaited.
The deed done, she turned back, only to see that the others had
already continued on without her for almost half a block.

"Hey, wait up!"

Masaru turned around at his sister's call to see the redhead running
across the street towards their side.  There was something else that
caught his attention even more than that however.

"HIKARU!!!  WATCH OUT!!!"

The rest of the family whirled around at Masaru's shout to see the
gray sedan that sped down the road towards Hikaru.  Hikaru turned as
well, an unwise action as it turned out-

-because at that moment her foot must have hit something on the
ground, and her much abused ankle gave another spike of anguish,
driving her tumbling to her knees.  Eyes wide open in shock, Hikaru
could only watch as the car bore down on her....

So it was a surprise indeed, when, instead of being struck from the
front, she was struck from the side, driving the breath from her
lungs.  For a moment, her scattered senses could only tell her that
she had been bodily moved out of her previous position.  It wasn't
until she could breathe again that she realized that she was now
standing in someone's arms.  A little part in the back of her mind
noticed that this someone was wearing a red silk shirt, but she opted
to ignore that voice in favor of trying to stand on her own without
falling.

"Hey, you okay? Are you hurt anywhere?" a voice asked as she was
gently released.  Hikaru could only shake her head "no" as she
breathed back air into her lungs.  She raised her head to get a look
at her savior, and caught a concerned pair of blue eyes gazing back.

For an instant, she was caught in that gaze, before-

"Hikaru!  Are you alright?!  You're not hurt are you?!"

-a concerned Masaru pulled her into a worried hug.  He was quickly
followed by the others, and Hikaru was rapidly bombarded with
questions.

"I'm okay!  Really, Kakeru!  No, I'm not hurt at all, Mom!  Masaru!
You're squeezing too hard!"

After an eternity of frantic concern, the Shidous finally released
Hikaru from the little huddle by the side of the street.  Hikaru
paused to sigh in relief for a moment, before looking around
confusedly.  There seemed to be no witness to the event, as it was
only a small street that they were walking on and it was already
evening, so it wasn't much of a surprise that there was no one else
around, but...

"Where did he go?" Hikaru worriedly asked.  She hadn't even had a
chance to ask him his name yet!  With a pleading look, the upset girl
turned back to her family.

"If you're looking for that boy, I saw him head left at the corner,"
Satoru calmly announced as he pointed down the street from where they
had come from.  "You might be able to catch up if you run."

Without another word, Hikaru did just that, dashing off in the
direction Satoru had indicated.

Masaru watched in mute bemusement as his sister ran off without so
much as a by-your-leave.  "Well," he noted after a few seconds, "she
certainly recovered quickly enough."

"Yeah, you'd think she had a crush on the guy or something, the way
she ran off," Kakeru wisely observed.

Silence fell over the little group.

"...you don't think..."
"...you don't suppose..."

With a shocked gasp of realization, the two younger brothers came to
their inevitable conclusion.

"That's it!  This unknown stranger must have captured her heart and
now hopes to steal her away from us!"

"But we can't allow anyone to take away our little Hikaru until we're
certain of his merit!  He must first face us Shidou brothers to prove
himself worthy of Hikaru's heart!"

"That's right!  We must go and-"

*Bop*

"Ow!  Mom!"

"Come on, we should go and thank that boy too," Kyoko sighed as she
walked in the direction Hikaru had left. "I swear, the two of you can
be such idiots sometimes."

-----

"Wait!  Please wait a second!" Hikaru cried as she ran towards the
red-clad boy.  Her ankle protested the treatment loudly.  No doubt she
would need to put some ice on it when she got home.

The boy she was chasing came to a halt at her words, and for that
Hikaru was glad, as it meant she had less running to do on her bad
ankle.  She came to a stop, gasping for the breath she had expended.

"Hey, are you okay?  You shouldn't be running like that if your
ankle's hurt."

Hikaru looked up at the words, only to lower her head again in
embarrassment at the concern in the boy's eyes.  She tried to think of
something to say, only to discover to her dismay that her finer wits
hadn't quite made it back after her close call.

Slumping in chagrin at her inability to speak, she settled for nodding
to the boy's inquiry.

"Are you sure you're okay?" the boy repeated.  Hikaru flushed in
mortification, her thoughts in a jumble.  She babbled a quick
"sumimasendaijoubudesu", but it wasn't terribly coherent even to her
own ears.

After a long moment of pained silence, she summoned the courage to
look up.

"Umm... I, ah, never got the chance to say thank you for saving
me... umm... My name is Hikaru.  Hikaru Shidou," Hikaru stuttered out,
"I... that's all I really wanted to say.  Thank you."  Her faculties
spent, Hikaru fell silent again.

The boy's gave a skittish half-smile in response.  "Ah, yeah, I'm
Ranma Saotome," he replied, "And you don't hafta thank me, really.  I
was glad to do it.  Martial artist's duty to protect others and all
that."  With that, he fell silent as well, leaving the two of them
standing dumbly in the street as the few pedestrians that they shared
the road with walked blithely by.

Hikaru fidgeted a little, trying desperately to think of something to
say to this "Ranma", the boy who had saved her life.  Before she could
pull it off, however, Ranma's gaze moved slightly off to the side, and
he seemed to relax a little.

"Hey, it looks like your family's getting impatient with you.  Guess
you better be getting yourself home now."  Ranma gave her a wide grin,
and Hikaru found herself relaxing almost against her will at the sight
of it. She gave a bright one of her own in return.

"Yeah!  Sure, um... I guess I'll see you around then.  Maybe.  Umm...."

Ranma chuckled a little at Hikaru's apparent discomfiture.  "Well,
take care of yourself then.  You should watch out for that ankle too.
See ya."

"Yeah...."

Hikaru was in a state of indecision.  For a person who had just saved
one's life, it wouldn't be fair to just say goodbye, just like that.
There had to be something she could do to reward Ranma for saving her
life!

Without further ado, Hikaru did the first thing that came to mind: she
enveloped Ranma in a warm hug, putting as much of her gratefulness as
she could into the act and hoping to convey in doing what she couldn't
in saying.  An instant later, she jumped back, her face crimson in
embarrassment at her brashness.  The startled look of complete
bewilderment on Ranma's face almost made her start laughing.  Instead,
she settled for a stammered "Thank you again".

Or that was what she intended.

Before she could finish, a giant wooden mallet appeared out of nowhere
to smash Ranma's still frozen form into the street.  There, in front
of her, was a blue-haired young girl, dressed in a sweater and holding
the mallet with both hands.  Around her body, a faint red aura blazed,
and the anger that the girl exuded was enough to freeze her where she
stood.

"YOU STUPID UNCUTE TOMBOY!!!"

At Ranma's yell, Hikaru jolted out of her shock and turned toward
where she saw Ranma standing.

"WHAT DID YOU-"

Hikaru could only watch in horror as Ranma flew fifteen feet before
rolling to a stop in the middle of the road.

-----

"Yes Officer, it was that young... person, that girl standing over
there, that did this.  The other pedestrians and my children can
testify to the same."

Kyoko glared at the short, blue-haired girl as she was led to a squad
car.  The fat man that had been with the girl had fled at the first
sounds of sirens, leaving the girl behind, and the Metropolitan Police
Force was already searching for him.  If the kami favored the just,
he'd be found soon enough.  For now though, she had to do everything
she could to make sure that someone did something about what
had happened.

Her talk with the officer completed, Kyoko walked over to where
Satoru, Masaru, and Kakeru were comforting Hikaru.  Hikaru had stayed
at that boy's, Ranma's, side until the moment he had been loaded onto
the ambulance.  Kyoko grimaced at the sight of her daughter's
tear-streaked face.  No one, especially not a fourteen-year-old girl,
should have bore witness to such a brutal accident.  Kneeling down by
Hikaru's side, Kyoko pulled her daughter into her comforting embrace.

She'll have to make sure that this was taken care of, even if she had
to do it herself.

----------

Hikaru fidgeted nervously as she sat in the waiting room of the
hospital.  Her mother had kept tabs on Ranma's condition, and the
hospital had informed her of his recovery.  And his condition.  The
doctor had thought that if Ranma could talk to someone that he
remembered, it would strengthen his memory's recollection of the
things he didn't.  And so, Hikaru had come down for a visit, but....

Beside her, Satoru smiled reassuringly at Hikaru.  "It'll be fine,
Hikaru," he whispered gently, "There's nothing to be nervous about."

Hikaru sighed.  "Thanks for coming with me Satoru," she replied, "You
always make everything easier.  But still, I don't know.  I mean,
Ranma remembers saving me, but nothing else, not even his own family!"
The girl turned her heavyhearted gaze toward her brother. "What am I going to
say to him?  He saved my life, and now-"

At that moment, a nurse across the room called out for the Shidous.
Without a word, the two siblings followed their guide through the
hospital.  Through the trip to Ranma's room, Hikaru tried to think of
something worthwhile to say.  What could she say? That she was
sorry that she hadn't been able to do anything to help him? That she
hoped he'd recover soon?

By the time she arrived at his door, she was still at a loss.

"Here he is.  Good luck."  With that little vote of confidence, the
nurse moved off to other duties.  Hikaru stared at the nameplate on
the door for a whole minute, trying to work up the nerve to enter.
Satoru stayed at her side, neither forcing her onward nor letting her
retreat, simply providing support when she needed it.

At long last,
with a final breath of resolution,
Hikaru gently pushed
the door open, and entered.

//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

This was also written months ago, actually before I posted the
prologue the first time. Hmm... did I forget anything? No kendo
scene I'm afraid (for the few of you who remember me asking
for help on that one).

Ah, yes. Again, this is my first fic, and I was trying things out.
Harsh criticism, please.

[Dracos]

I'll try to get to this soon.  -_-

Dracos

[ukiechan]

Heya.  

Caught the first bit of prologue last time, so I'll try to do the second part this time around.  Nice work filling in the hospital scene at the end of Ranma's part though.  It felt much more fleshed out this time, and stylistically done as well.

Dunno if I mentioned this last time, but I didn't read much of MKR, so I'll take your characters the way you write them.

Okay.  Here goes:

-----------------------------------
"Hikaru! Are you still not up yet? We're going to be late for the
tournament if you don't get up now, you know!"

Light streamed through the window as Kyoko Shidou pulled back the
heavy drapes, illuminating the bed of one Hikaru Shidou as she vainly
shied away from the morning rays. The redheaded girl wrinkled her
brow in annoyance, not yet ready to face the dawn. It's just too
early!

"MO~~~M!!! I don't want to get up yet!" Hikaru whined as she pulled
the covers over her head. The defiant attempt at getting more sleep
was defeated when her mother whisked the covers from her bed in one
smooth motion, leaving Hikaru, dressed only in her thin nightgown,
open and vulnerable to the chilly spring air.

>Hmm.  Was the window opened?  Or were the Shidou's too cheap to install air-conditioning?  If she was warm enough to dress in a nightgown for bed, I'm not sure how cold the room would feel in the morning even when the blanket's pulled away.  Other than this minor nit, this bit looks good.

"EEK!!!" No longer even the slightest bit sleepy, Hikaru jumped from
the bed. "Mom! Why do you always do that!?" Without waiting for an
answer, she started through her dresser, searching for something to
cover herself with.

"Well dear, if you got up on time every day, I wouldn't have to, now
would I?" Kyoko returned logically as she folded up the blanket in her
hands and set them down on the bed. "Satoru's already up and making
breakfast, so you should be up too." Too busy getting a sweater and a
skirt on herself, Hikaru didn't respond.

Kyoko sighed to herself as she stepped over a fallen bokken and looked
around the messy room. How in the world did her daughter grow up to
be so... so.... A mother tries her best to raise her kids up right,
but this is too much! Why, when she was a girl, she got up every day
at the crack of dawn without complaint! She was a good little girl
who did as she was told and acted appropriate to her age! She wasn't
interested in things like kendo; she learned proper things like
etiquette and tea ceremony! With the way she acted, her little Hikaru
would never find a good boyfriend. Maybe it wasn't such a good idea
to put her in an all-girls school....

>Good characterization.  An anime-like personality of harping mother, but that's probably par for the course.  

"Are you even listening?"

Kyoko snapped back out of despairing mother mode as Hikaru's voice
penetrated. "No dear, the others aren't up yet either. I was going
to go get them after waking you," she replied, a little chagrined that
she had been caught unaware.

"Oh, don't worry about that Mom. I'll go get them." Pausing for a
moment to grab a Hello Kitty plushie from her dresser, Hikaru skipped
merrily from the room.

Kyoko watched her youngest prance out the door with a growing sense of
doom. Sure enough, a moment later, a masculine scream of horror
issued from the next room over, followed by the sounds of a madly
giggling young girl running for her life from an enraged older
brother.

"Maybe it would've been better just to let her sleep."

>Cute :>

-----

Satoru Shidou glanced up from setting the table as Masaru Shidou's
distinct cry echoed through the house. A moment later, a blur of red
exploded into the room and huddled behind him, followed closely by a
red-faced, out-of-breath Masaru himself. Satoru smiled to himself as
he watched Masaru gasp air back into his lungs. This was why he woke
up earlier than Hikaru for so many years.

Before Masaru could start chasing Hikaru around the room, the last of
the Shidou siblings, Kakeru, ran into the room as well. He looked
around the room wildly for a second, as if searching for danger,
before his eyes settled on the scene at the table. There was Masaru,
glaring at Hikaru, while she hid behind Satoru's tall frame, but why
would she be hiding from Masaru? Unless....

>Mmm.  I'd try to rework this a little.  I'm not comfortable with mentioning too many names in one sitting, because you're only describing the characters with their names, and too much of it will sound like you're stringing the characters along like puppets and make them act out a scene.  It could be just me, though, since I'm not good at handling multiple characters at once - both in reading and writing, but personally I'd consider working in a few descriptions or simply choose Satoru's POV more definitively, and describe the other siblings from his eyes and thoughts here.

"HIKARU! YOU DIDN'T!!!" Kakeru gasped in horrific realization.

Hikaru, clutching the back of Satoru's shirt as she kept her eyes on
Masaru, only nodded at Kakeru's accusation.

Kakeru all but recoiled in shock. "You, w-with the plushie?! But
that's-"

"How could you DO that to me Hikaru?!" Masaru cried in righteous
anger, "The last time you did it to Kakeru, he couldn't sleep for
DAYS!" With a growl, Masaru leapt toward Hikaru from around Satoru's
side, only to grasp air as the little imp circled around, keeping her
oldest brother between the two, grinning all the while.

Satoru sighed to himself. It was time to play peacekeeper once again.
"You two shouldn't do this at the breakfast table," he calmly
announced, "and Masaru, you haven't dressed properly yet."

"But bro! She-"

"Dress first, Masaru," Satoru firmly intoned, "You can continue this
after you've put on something other than a shirt and boxers."

"Fine, fine," Masaru mumbled. Grumbling dark promises of vengeance
under his breath, the seventeen year old left the room in search of a
wardrobe for the day.

Hikaru sighed in relief as Masaru walked out. It had been risky, but
it was so much FUN!

"Hikaru."

Of course, with the stern looks coming her way from her other two
brothers, it may be a little early for relief at the moment.

"Umm... you're not angry too, are you?"

>Hikaru's rather frisky, and a Hello Kitty fan.  ^^  That's nice.

-----

"So, are you ready for today's tournament, Satoru?"

"Yes mother, I am."

>Dunno about syntax.  I want to read it as "Yes, mother; I am." but I may be completely wrong.

Hikaru harrumphed to herself as she filled Hikari's bowl. It was so
unfair! She should be in the tournament too!

>Hikari? The fifth sibling?

"The tournament isn't for your age group, Hikaru," Satoru gently
reminded her, "So you shouldn't let it get to you. Being angry about
it won't help."

"But it's not fair! I'm good enough to compete!"

"Even if you are," Kyoko declared from the head of the table as Hikaru
returned to her breakfast, "I don't want you to get yourself hurt
doing such a thing. Your ankle isn't healed enough for a competition,
you know."

"It sure was fine when you were running from me a few minutes ago,"
Masaru muttered crossly as he sipped his miso.

Taking a moment to present Masaru with a "biii-da", Hikaru shook her
head. "It's fine mom. It's only been what? Two weeks since I
sprained it? I don't even need the wrap anymore, see?"

Kyoko sighed in exasperation as Hikaru showed that her left foot
indeed wasn't wrapped. "You just need to be more careful when you're
practicing Hikaru. In any case, we should get going soon. We don't
want to miss the opening ceremonies and registration, now do we?"

"That's right!" Kakeru exclaimed excitedly as he wolfed down the rest
of his rice, "If we're gonna cheer Satoru on, we can't make him late!"
With that, he began clearing the dishes from the table, and was soon
joined by Masaru and Hikaru as well, leaving the two elder Shidous by
themselves.

"Those three, they can just be so hyper sometimes," Kyoko remarked to
her first son as her youngest three carried the cups and plates to the
kitchen.

"Yes," Satoru replied with a serene smile, "but you wouldn't have them
any other way."

Kyoko returned the smile. After all, there was nothing she could, or
would, say to deny it.

>Can't place my fingers on it, but that last line sounded off.  The meaning came off well, but it just read awkward on this end for some reason.  Can't think of a suggestion on revision offhand though, sorry.

----------

"And he~~~~re's lunch!"

Kyoko and Satoru stared wide-eyed at the array of snacks and fast
foods that lined the food court table. Masaru and Kakeru stood at the
side, proudly surveying the fruits of their labors, having spent the
past half hour gathering the best cuisine available from the
tournament vendors.

"That's... a little much you two. Are you sure we can eat all of
this?"

"Don't worry Mom! In celebration of Satoru's great victory, we must
all enjoy the boundless abundance of food that modern society has set
out for us!" Masaru replied with a broad grin. "Besides, we can just
bag it up if we have any left over anyway."

>Nice.  No repetitive scene from Ranma's section here.  Keeping things fresh.

"Well, I suppose if we all take a fifth of the table each, we can eat
most of this," Satoru slowly opined, "It's a good thing I don't have
any other competitions, or else I wouldn't be able to hold it all down
in the arena."

"Ah, don't worry about it bro!" Masaru cried with a hearty slap on
Satoru's back, "Come on, let's get started on this." True to his
word, Masaru plopped himself down on the nearest bench and mowed into
the fried chicken with gusto.

Kyoko and Satoru stared for a moment at Masaru's... energy, before
shrugging as one and reaching for dishes themselves. Kakeru sat down
as well, but before he could begin eating, he noticed that something
was missing.

"Where did Hikaru go?"

"She went to look around the grounds," Kyoko dismissively replied as
she ate, "She said she'd be back after a while, so I let her go."

"Err... shouldn't we wait for her before eating?"

"Nah," Masaru snorted, "You know Hikaru, if she was here, she'd
finish all of this before we could blink."

"Yeah, that's true," Kakeru admitted as he looked down at the tub of
ice cream in his hands, "That girl sure can eat. I don't think I'll
ever figure out where she puts it though."

"Yeesh, just don't tell her that, Kakeru. She'll probably bite
your head off. Besides, she sweats it all off in kendo practice
anyways. Tomboy."

-----

Hikaru walked around the food court, searching for her family's table.
The grounds were packed with people, as the various competitions were
on lunch break and the spectators were all frantically trying to get a
meal in before they started up again. Scanning the crowds for the
right table was proving quite fruitless, since all of the customers
milling about made it difficult to see.

And of course, being four foot eight didn't help matters one bit.

>Good attention to detail ^^

'Ooh, where is everyone?! I bet they're all already eating without
me!'

With the promise of Haagen-Daas waiting for her at the table, Hikaru
marched onward yet again. She hadn't taken a few more steps, though,
before a body collided with her small frame, sending her stumbling. A
small surge of pain shot through her left foot as she stepped on it
from the wrong angle, and she fell to the ground, clutching her ankle.

"Oh dear, I'm sorry miss!"

Hikaru looked up to see a man standing over her. He was dressed in a
vendor's uniform, and it was obvious from his labored breathing that
he had been running for a while.

"I didn't see you at all," the vendor explained as he helped Hikaru
up. "Sorry about that. Are you alright?"

Hikaru gingerly placed some weight on her injured ankle, then relaxed
in relief when her foot didn't protest. Looks like it wasn't hurt too
bad after all.

"I'm okay. It was just an accident, so don't worry about it."

The vendor smiled in relief. "Well, that's good to hear. I've got to
be going now. Sorry again." With that, he ran off in the direction he
was going before, stopping for a moment to scan the crowd as if
searching for someone, then turning in a random direction and setting
off again.

Hikaru watched the man search the crowd in puzzlement, then shrugged
the incident off. That vendor must have had his reasons for being in
a hurry.

"Hikaru! There you are! If you don't hurry over, Kakeru'll finish
all the ice cream!"

Yanked back to more important concerns, Hikaru raced towards her
mother's call.

"KAKERU!!! LEAVE SOME FOR ME!!!"

>Heh, nice explanation on what happened to Hikaru's ankles.

----------

"I'm out."

"Yeah, me too."

"I guess that was the last of it...."

"I guess so...."

Hikaru glanced forlornly at the empty box of Pocky in her hand, before
perking up again. "Oh well," she sighed contentedly, "it was good
while it lasted, right?"

"You said it sis," Kakeru replied as the Shidou family walked along
the sidewalk towards home. He looked down at his own box, the last
remnant of the food bought that day.

"Hmm... let's see, garbage can... garbage can...." Hikaru muttered as
she looked around the darkened street for a place to throw away her
box, "Hey! There's one!" Wasting no time, she snatched Kakeru's empty
container from his hand and crossed the street to the intersection
corner on the other side, where the receptacle in question awaited.
The deed done, she turned back, only to see that the others had
already continued on without her for almost half a block.

"Hey, wait up!"

Masaru turned around at his sister's call to see the redhead running
across the street towards their side. There was something else that
caught his attention even more than that however.

"HIKARU!!! WATCH OUT!!!"

The rest of the family whirled around at Masaru's shout to see the
gray sedan that sped down the road towards Hikaru. Hikaru turned as
well, an unwise action as it turned out-

-because at that moment her foot must have hit something on the
ground, and her much abused ankle gave another spike of anguish,
driving her tumbling to her knees. Eyes wide open in shock, Hikaru
could only watch as the car bore down on her....

So it was a surprise indeed, when, instead of being struck from the
front, she was struck from the side, driving the breath from her
lungs. For a moment, her scattered senses could only tell her that
she had been bodily moved out of her previous position. It wasn't
until she could breathe again that she realized that she was now
standing in someone's arms. A little part in the back of her mind
noticed that this someone was wearing a red silk shirt, but she opted
to ignore that voice in favor of trying to stand on her own without
falling.

"Hey, you okay? Are you hurt anywhere?" a voice asked as she was
gently released. Hikaru could only shake her head "no" as she
breathed back air into her lungs. She raised her head to get a look
at her savior, and caught a concerned pair of blue eyes gazing back.

For an instant, she was caught in that gaze, before-

>Some amusing parallel stuff going on here. ^^

"Hikaru! Are you alright?! You're not hurt are you?!"

-a concerned Masaru pulled her into a worried hug. He was quickly
followed by the others, and Hikaru was rapidly bombarded with
questions.

"I'm okay! Really, Kakeru! No, I'm not hurt at all, Mom! Masaru!
You're squeezing too hard!"

After an eternity of frantic concern, the Shidous finally released
Hikaru from the little huddle by the side of the street. Hikaru
paused to sigh in relief for a moment, before looking around
confusedly. There seemed to be no witness to the event, as it was
only a small street that they were walking on and it was already
evening, so it wasn't much of a surprise that there was no one else
around, but...

"Where did he go?" Hikaru worriedly asked. She hadn't even had a
chance to ask him his name yet! With a pleading look, the upset girl
turned back to her family.

"If you're looking for that boy, I saw him head left at the corner,"
Satoru calmly announced as he pointed down the street from where they
had come from. "You might be able to catch up if you run."

Without another word, Hikaru did just that, dashing off in the
direction Satoru had indicated.

Masaru watched in mute bemusement as his sister ran off without so
much as a by-your-leave. "Well," he noted after a few seconds, "she
certainly recovered quickly enough."

"Yeah, you'd think she had a crush on the guy or something, the way
she ran off," Kakeru wisely observed.

Silence fell over the little group.

"...you don't think..."
"...you don't suppose..."

With a shocked gasp of realization, the two younger brothers came to
their inevitable conclusion.

"That's it! This unknown stranger must have captured her heart and
now hopes to steal her away from us!"

"But we can't allow anyone to take away our little Hikaru until we're
certain of his merit! He must first face us Shidou brothers to prove
himself worthy of Hikaru's heart!"

"That's right! We must go and-"

*Bop*

"Ow! Mom!"

"Come on, we should go and thank that boy too," Kyoko sighed as she
walked in the direction Hikaru had left. "I swear, the two of you can
be such idiots sometimes."

>No nit.  The jovial, lighthearted tone was enjoyable.

-----

"Wait! Please wait a second!" Hikaru cried as she ran towards the
red-clad boy. Her ankle protested the treatment loudly. No doubt she
would need to put some ice on it when she got home.

The boy she was chasing came to a halt at her words, and for that
Hikaru was glad, as it meant she had less running to do on her bad
ankle. She came to a stop, gasping for the breath she had expended.

>Good follow-up and logical ^^

"Hey, are you okay? You shouldn't be running like that if your
ankle's hurt."

Hikaru looked up at the words, only to lower her head again in
embarrassment at the concern in the boy's eyes. She tried to think of
something to say, only to discover to her dismay that her finer wits
hadn't quite made it back after her close call.

Slumping in chagrin at her inability to speak, she settled for nodding
to the boy's inquiry.

"Are you sure you're okay?" the boy repeated. Hikaru flushed in
mortification, her thoughts in a jumble. She babbled a quick
"sumimasendaijoubudesu", but it wasn't terribly coherent even to her
own ears.

After a long moment of pained silence, she summoned the courage to
look up.

"Umm... I, ah, never got the chance to say thank you for saving
me... umm... My name is Hikaru. Hikaru Shidou," Hikaru stuttered out,
"I... that's all I really wanted to say. Thank you." Her faculties
spent, Hikaru fell silent again.

>Hmm.  Think the revisited dialogue scenes are good, but maybe if you're bored, you can try to experiment further with this.  Similar to what you did with the kendo match, you can probably rework a few lines on Ranma's part so that they're not repeated again.  They're not too repetitive as is, but if I look at this and expect the same dialogue, and only find out that they've all been cut out because Hikaru was so smitten that she only noticed those lips moving and not the words, I'd be pleasantly surprised.  For example - (enter Hikaru's own little world of private fantasy here) -

>...Ranma, teeth gleaming under the sun, began to speak.  To her, however, the meaning was lost, as roses rushed in to fill the background, blocking everyone else from her sight.  Hikaru was absolutely dumbstruck; she never found out how mesmerizing a pair of lips could move and capture attention.  The only sound she could hear over her heartbeat was the soothing tunes of a violin playing in the background - a romantic piece that was so appropriate for the theme here - so she tried to figure out what he was saying by the way his lips moved.

>Then, suddenly, she turned as red as the petals in the backdrop.  Did he say he want to... kiss me?  Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes -

>"Sumimasen," Hikaru forced out under her breath as tradition reared its ugly head at last.  *Wait, don't listen to me!*

>(end private fantasy bit) Then, you can bring her back to the land of living when she realized Ranma didn't look as disappointed as she believed he would.  I'm just using this as an example where you can work around the overlapping bits, in case you're continuing the story from both sides of the perspective and find some lines repetitive and want to provide a different view to the readers.  

The boy's gave a skittish half-smile in response. "Ah, yeah, I'm
Ranma Saotome," he replied, "And you don't hafta thank me, really. I
was glad to do it. Martial artist's duty to protect others and all
that." With that, he fell silent as well, leaving the two of them
standing dumbly in the street as the few pedestrians that they shared
the road with walked blithely by.

Hikaru fidgeted a little, trying desperately to think of something to
say to this "Ranma", the boy who had saved her life. Before she could
pull it off, however, Ranma's gaze moved slightly off to the side, and
he seemed to relax a little.

"Hey, it looks like your family's getting impatient with you. Guess
you better be getting yourself home now." Ranma gave her a wide grin,
and Hikaru found herself relaxing almost against her will at the sight
of it. She gave a bright one of her own in return.

"Yeah! Sure, um... I guess I'll see you around then. Maybe. Umm...."

Ranma chuckled a little at Hikaru's apparent discomfiture. "Well,
take care of yourself then. You should watch out for that ankle too.
See ya."

"Yeah...."

Hikaru was in a state of indecision. For a person who had just saved
one's life, it wouldn't be fair to just say goodbye, just like that.
There had to be something she could do to reward Ranma for saving her
life!

Without further ado, Hikaru did the first thing that came to mind: she
enveloped Ranma in a warm hug, putting as much of her gratefulness as
she could into the act and hoping to convey in doing what she couldn't
in saying. An instant later, she jumped back, her face crimson in
embarrassment at her brashness. The startled look of complete
bewilderment on Ranma's face almost made her start laughing. Instead,
she settled for a stammered "Thank you again".

Or that was what she intended.

Before she could finish, a giant wooden mallet appeared out of nowhere
to smash Ranma's still frozen form into the street. There, in front
of her, was a blue-haired young girl, dressed in a sweater and holding
the mallet with both hands. Around her body, a faint red aura blazed,
and the anger that the girl exuded was enough to freeze her where she
stood.

"YOU STUPID UNCUTE TOMBOY!!!"

At Ranma's yell, Hikaru jolted out of her shock and turned toward
where she saw Ranma standing.

"WHAT DID YOU-"

Hikaru could only watch in horror as Ranma flew fifteen feet before
rolling to a stop in the middle of the road.

>Heh.  

-----

"Yes Officer, it was that young... person, that girl standing over
there, that did this. The other pedestrians and my children can
testify to the same."

Kyoko glared at the short, blue-haired girl as she was led to a squad
car. The fat man that had been with the girl had fled at the first
sounds of sirens, leaving the girl behind, and the Metropolitan Police
Force was already searching for him. If the kami favored the just,
he'd be found soon enough. For now though, she had to do everything
she could to make sure that someone did something about what
had happened.

Her talk with the officer completed, Kyoko walked over to where
Satoru, Masaru, and Kakeru were comforting Hikaru. Hikaru had stayed
at that boy's, Ranma's, side until the moment he had been loaded onto
the ambulance. Kyoko grimaced at the sight of her daughter's
tear-streaked face. No one, especially not a fourteen-year-old girl,
should have bore witness to such a brutal accident. Kneeling down by
Hikaru's side, Kyoko pulled her daughter into her comforting embrace.

She'll have to make sure that this was taken care of, even if she had
to do it herself.

----------

Hikaru fidgeted nervously as she sat in the waiting room of the
hospital. Her mother had kept tabs on Ranma's condition, and the
hospital had informed her of his recovery. And his condition. The
doctor had thought that if Ranma could talk to someone that he
remembered, it would strengthen his memory's recollection of the
things he didn't. And so, Hikaru had come down for a visit, but....

Beside her, Satoru smiled reassuringly at Hikaru. "It'll be fine,
Hikaru," he whispered gently, "There's nothing to be nervous about."

Hikaru sighed. "Thanks for coming with me Satoru," she replied, "You
always make everything easier. But still, I don't know. I mean,
Ranma remembers saving me, but nothing else, not even his own family!"
The girl turned her heavyhearted gaze toward her brother. "What am I going to
say to him? He saved my life, and now-"

At that moment, a nurse across the room called out for the Shidous.
Without a word, the two siblings followed their guide through the
hospital. Through the trip to Ranma's room, Hikaru tried to think of
something worthwhile to say. What could she say? That she was
sorry that she hadn't been able to do anything to help him? That she
hoped he'd recover soon?

By the time she arrived at his door, she was still at a loss.

"Here he is. Good luck." With that little vote of confidence, the
nurse moved off to other duties. Hikaru stared at the nameplate on
the door for a whole minute, trying to work up the nerve to enter.
Satoru stayed at her side, neither forcing her onward nor letting her
retreat, simply providing support when she needed it.

At long last,
with a final breath of resolution,
Hikaru gently pushed
the door open, and entered.

>Again, nicely done.  

>Overall, I like this story so far.  It's genuinely light-hearted, and relaxing to read.  No grammatical errors or misspellings as much as I could tell, so the only real nit I've got is the depth of character descriptions overall.  I'm not familiar with MKR, so descriptions along the way to highlight what Hikaru looks like won't hurt, IMO.  To be fair, though, the chance meeting was so brief that lengthy details on what striking features Hikaru noticed about Ranma or vice versa were unwarranted; but I think adding bits and pieces (a la the four-foot-eleven vein) into the piece will spice things up more.  It's like planting a seed - you mention the eyecatches here and there, and come back later on for more detail, either by highlighting them or make fun of them completely in each person's perspective.  This will help separate the two sides of the story even further, and strengthen the reason why the story is told this way.  Just a suggestion though (or think of it as space-filler; the story looks solid and I don't have enough things to pick on).


Good luck, and looking forward to seeing more of this,

- ukie[/i]

[KLSymph]

Ooh, review! Yes!

I usually respond to C&C by email, but you don't have one listed, and I don't know how much the PM inbox is willing to take, so...

-- Nice work filling in the hospital scene at the end of Ranma's part though. It felt much more fleshed out this time, and stylistically done as well.

Behold the power of a few extra months of practice. Glad you liked it.

-- Dunno if I mentioned this last time, but I didn't read much of MKR, so I'll take your characters the way you write them.

Argh...I was writing it with the assumption that the reader would be familiar with the Rayearth characters, researching the canon until I thought I had all the characters IC. I guess I should have did more descriptions for everyone else's sake. Yep, this will definitely hurt your reading of the chapter. Sorry about that.

-- Was the window opened? Or were the Shidou's too cheap to install air-conditioning?

Certain Asian families habitually underutilize climate control during seasons of extreme temperatures in an effort to save money. As a side effect of this practice, this leads to harsh and cruel methods of waking up children in said families, such as the one shown here. Let us say that personal experience is a great source of ideas ^_^. Anyway, I thought it might be awkward to explain all of this in the prose, so I didn't include it. Hmm...how can I hint at it without drawing too much attention?

-- I'm not comfortable with mentioning too many names in one sitting, because you're only describing the characters with their names, and too much of it will sound like you're stringing the characters along like puppets and make them act out a scene.

This chapter introducing the Shidou family does unfortunately require that you be familiar with the names (except for Kyoko, the only new character). I was trying to differentiate the siblings by personality; in Rayearth canon, the three brothers are given about...four pages of facetime (out of six books). Not much to go on there, and I was trying hard to extrapolate personality traits from what is effectively their one single action in the series, hoping to build on what the reader knew already. And of course I had to go and forget to include physical descriptions and completely neglect any reader that wasn't familiar with MKR. Gah, back to the draft file I go.

-- Dunno about syntax. I want to read it as "Yes, mother; I am." but I may be completely wrong.

Hrm...don't see anything bothersome about my version. Yours seems to be a little heavy on the punctuation for such a simple statement, don't you think?

-- Hikari? The fifth sibling?

Hikari, the family dog. Wolf, maybe. Go read/watch MKR! It's good! At least the manga; I haven't seen the anime (guess why I only go with manga for canon sources).

-- Can't place my fingers on it, but that last line sounded off. The meaning came off well, but it just read awkward on this end for some reason. Can't think of a suggestion on revision offhand though, sorry.

Hah, if you thought the meaning came off well, that was more than I really expected for this line. I'll probably be redoing it.

-- Good attention to detail ^^

Trivia point: In the process of researching character heights, I discovered that magicknightrayearth.com is an anti-abortion site with a big picture of a dead fetus the first thing you see. >_< The internet is a dangerous and illogical place (this was in May, now the URL directs you to abortionismurder.com instead).

-- Some amusing parallel stuff going on here. ^^

What can I say? Doing tricks with prose is fun. Presentation is everything, and boy did I spend time streamlining this chapter to go with the other one. ^_^

-- They're not too repetitive as is, but if I look at this and expect the same dialogue, and only find out that they've all been cut out because Hikaru was so smitten that she only noticed those lips moving and not the words, I'd be pleasantly surprised.

Certainly a method that I have considered. In the end, the only time where I used it was:
<Ranma> The girl's face reddened even more at the question. In a soft, shy voice, she stammered a quick apology, one that Ranma didn't quite catch.
<Hikaru> "Are you sure you're okay?" the boy repeated. Hikaru flushed in mortification, her thoughts in a jumble. She babbled a quick "sumimasendaijoubudesu", but it wasn't terribly coherent even to her own ears.
I couldn't see any other places where fudging the objective conversation would not have changed the mood of the scene too much. Unfortunately, I can't use your 'private fantasy' idea, because it goes against the direction of the scene and story entirely. One of the first considerations of the story is of course the matchup, and the premise of having Hikaru becoming smitten with Ranma was the first thing that came to mind as a relationship starter. Me being me, it was immediately thrown out. Way too cliche, and way too obvious. Better to create a matchup by inching toward it instead; at least, that's how I think of these things. I'll keep your advice in mind of course, but in this scene specifically, I thought it better to emphasize the parallelism of the conversation, after all both participants have about the same feelings toward each other (really, really awkward).

...That looks like everthing. I'll try to weave in some character descriptions if I can. Thanks for reviewing.

[Dracos]

CC posted as 'CC:' throughout.

******************
Trials of the Soul
******************
by KLSymph

CC: Good title orientation.

Disclaimer: Ranma 1/2, the manga, is the creation of Rumiko Takahashi.
Magic Knight Rayearth, the manga, is the creation of CLAMP.
The original idea "Trials of the Soul" is the creation of Philip
"Serafita" Chan, with aid from Corwin, and this story is written with
his knowledge, consent, and blessing.
Serafita's website, and his idea page, can be found at:
--ranko.anifics.com--
Join the Revolution.

Divergence Warning: This story is based solely upon manga canon for
both Ranma 1/2 and Magic Knight Rayearth; no anime, no
OAV. Specifically, it diverges from Ranma canon before book 21, in
other words, before Ranma met Nodoka for the first time, and before
Herb. The events of Magic Knight Rayearth, on the other hand, have not
occured at all yet; the manga canon is only used for background
information at the present time.

CC: Nice disclaimer and presetting.

"speech"
'thoughts'

CC: Is this necessary?  I'm certain speech isn't.  You probably don't need a key for thoughts either if you are writing good prose.  As soon as you pull out the symbol in context of a 'thought' it'll be obvious.
CC2: And I don't think you even use the thoughts notation during this anyway.  So why bother?

--[ Chapter 0 ]--

CC: Prologue is a far more elegant term in my opinion ^_~

//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

The loud crack of shinai striking together echoed through the hushed
auditorium as the two armored combatants clashed for the umpteenth
time that round.

CC: Hmm, you might want to see if it works without 'that round', just to shorten the sentence a bit.

It was truly a glorious match, a contest between
righteous men of the blade, a duel between equals in skill and power.

CC: I'd consider adding some suffix to glorious match here to keep the symmetry of the line.  you have 'a glorious match' + nothing, a contest + "between righteous men of the blade", 'a duel' + "between equals in skill and power".  While it might overdramatize the scene a bit, I think it'd look better if you kept a symmetry with it.

Each man strove to the utmost to prove his ability and dominance over
his foe. Each strike was a glimpse into the fighter's heart; each
parry was a reflection of the fighter's soul. It was the perfect
embodiment of the Path of the Sword.

Ranma Saotome was bored out of his MIND!

CC: Heh.  A touch foreshadowed by having such an overdramatic scene so early, but not badly so.

As the fight raged onward in the square arena before him, Ranma
twitched in his seat in the auditorium stands. He stretched his legs.
He messed with his shirt. He scratched his neck. He even yawned
softly once in a while. Anything was better than being here!

CC: Nice effect here.

The minutes passed, the match progressed, and Ranma was starting to
wind up for another yawn when an elbow came out of nowhere to jab him
in the ribs.

CC: Too much.  It didn't come out of nowhere.  It came from his left.  I'd say just tell it how it is.

He blinked in confusion as he turned toward the short,
blue-haired girl sitting towards his left, and was rewarded with a
pointed glare.

"Ranma, stop fidgeting!" Akane Tendo hissed at him angrily as she
turned her evil eye on the annoying boy beside her. "You're starting
to drive me nuts!"

CC: Drop the Ranma.  She's looking at him, it seems odd to look at someone and go: "YOU, stop fidgeting" instead of "Stop fidgeting!" once you already have their attention.

Well, that wasn't fair at all....

CC: Bah, who cares about fairness!

"I can't help it, Akane!" Ranma griped back, "Why'd I gotta be here
anyways? It's not like I want ta be here for no kendo match. These
guys ain't even in my league anyway. Look at 'em!" With that, Ranma
turned back towards the kendo arena, a look of utter boredom on his
face. "I can't believe you actually wanna watch this."

"Keep your voice down, Ranma. We're here already anyways. Being a
kid about it won't make the time go any faster," Akane replied as she
too returned her attention to the fight. "Besides, this is the last
kendo match. After this, you can run back to the kempo arena if you
want to so badly."

CC: Which raises the question, why is Akane there either?  Wouldn't she find the kempo matches far more interesting?  What draws them to the Kendo arena?

Ranma snorted derisively in the direction of the arena. "The karate
and aikido matches are somethin' worth watching at least. Look at
these guys. They can't even move right under all of that kendo armor.
Arrgh, I can't wait till it's over!" The young martial artist gazed
yearningly towards the auditorium doors for a moment, before lowering
his eyes and fidgeting some more.

Akane shook her head in irritation as she turned back towards her
fiancee. "I swear you are such a baby sometimes Ranma. If you
weren't-"

She never got the chance to finish, for at that instant, the referee
raised his flag and announced in a clear voice: "POINT, MATCH, SATORU
SHIDOU WINS!!!"

The auditorium crowd jumped to its feet cheering, and Akane wrenched
her gaze from Ranma back to the arena. "Ahh!" she cried in dismay,
"You made me miss the end, you idiot!" Akane shot to her feet as
well, trying to catch a glimpse of the victorious duelist before he
left the arena.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. It's not like you missed anything important or
nothin'."

Ranma stood and stretched the stiffness from his muscles. Looking
around the auditorium, he found to his delight that since everyone was
crowding toward the arena trying to get a look at the victor as Akane
was, the exits of the building were quite clear and free of people.
"Anyways, I'm outta here!" he called carelessly over his shoulder as
he jumped over the few empty seats between him and the nearest aisle,
"Maybe if I run, I can make the aikido semi-finals!"

CC: Which raises the question, why are neither of them competiting?

And Akane was left trying to squeeze through the crowds to chase after
him.

"Ranma you jerk! Wait for me!"

----------

Evening fell over the tournament grounds. The competition was over,
and three martial artists were walking towards home, content in the
results of the day. As they enjoyed the cool evening breeze of early
spring, they conversed, sharing their experiences of the day. A
tournament of such magnitude only came a few times a year in Tokyo,
and it had been through great fortune that they had been able to
attend, for their busy schedules did not often give them such a
chance.

CC: You make my earlier question of Ranma and Akane participating more relevent with this.  With it being a rare occurance, they'd be more likely to try to be in it.  Especially with the general awards for it and Genma's greed.

And so, the three martial artists walked onward, giving voice
to their memories of the spectacular contests of strength, the cunning
tactics of the victors, and the great knowledge that they had gained
from witnessing such excellence in the martial arts.

"Stupid old man! Come on! Share the wealth a little!"

"Quiet boy! A true martial artist is willing to endure anything in
the name of the Art!"

"WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT!? You made me come here to watch
this tournament, saying it'll be good for me and all, but the moment me
and Akane arrive you run off! I know you've been trying to grab food
again, I saw you running from that vendor. You're just lucky that your
big gut hasn't slowed you down any, or one of these days you're gonna
get what's coming to you, you big panda!"

At the same time, four blocks away from those three martial artists, a
portly middle aged man dressed in an old gray gi, a young teenage boy
wearing a red Chinese shirt, and an equally young lady clad in a
casual sweater walked towards the train station. The man was juggling
a number of small boxes, each with a different vendor logo on it, all
obviously food packages from the labels, as the boy lunged
periodically at him, trying to snag a box for himself. The girl
walked a few feet behind the two, shaking her head at the childish
display.

CC: Clearer, but you still are going to get a bit of a clash with the null transition from the two groups.

"So I went and got some food for myself," Genma Saotome retorted as he
dodged yet another lunge, "That's all part of my training and you know
it boy! Just for that, you're not getting any of this food at all!"

"WHAT!? Me an' Akane haven't eaten since breakfast 'cause of you!
You were the one who dragged us to this tournament, now you're not
gonna give us something to eat!? You've been eating all day!"
Ranma's lunges became quicker, as he became more frantic.

CC: Kasumi didn't make them any meals?

"A martial artist's got to eat boy!" Genma shouted as he leapt out of
Ranma's range, completely ignoring the fact that Ranma was as much a
martial artist as he was. "Besides, you don't hear Akane whining like
a little girl about it, do you?"

Before Ranma could respond to that little crack, Akane's voice
chimed in the air.

"Well, if you're that hungry Ranma, I'll make something for you when
we get home."

Ranma went completely, utterly still.

"Err... that's not really necessary Akane. I'm sure that Kasumi's got
somethin' warmed on the stove for us, right?"

Akane continued cheerfully onward, unmindful of Ranma's sudden

CC: I don't have my dictionary by my side at the moment, but I'm not sure if 'un'-'mindful' works.  It probably does.

nervousness. "Oh, it's no problem Ranma, I'd be happy to cook for
you!"

Ranma twitched, just a little. "Oh, r-really, it's not that big of a
deal, Akane!" he stuttered, "Really, I'm not that hungry after all!"
A nervous laugh escaped his lips before he could stifle it.

Akane's cheerfulness turned into annoyance in an instant. "Oh, so you
don't think that my cooking's good enough for you?" she growled as she
wheeled in Ranma's direction.

Quick, think fast, think fast....

"Umm... well... there was the time when you made those cookies in
class," Ranma blurted out before trailing off uncertainly as he tried
desperately to find something else to say.

Akane's righteous fury faltered a little as she remembered that little
incident, and how it turned out in the end. "Th-that was an
accident!" she sputtered, "I was so sure I had the recipe right that
time." Flushed with embarrassment, Akane came to a halt.

Feeling a moment of respite, and naturally not being able to drop the
subject while he was ahead, Ranma plunged onward. "Yeah, well,
obviously you didn't pay enough attention, you know. I was sick for a
week from those. How did you manage to pack so much peppercorn in
those things anyway? At least, I think they were peppercorns. What
else could numb the gut like that?"

"I... I... oh RANMA YOU JERK!!!"

Egged on by the infuriating boy, Akane took a lazy swing in Ranma's
direction. It didn't connect, of course. With a short little hop,
Ranma jumped out of reach.

"Hah! Nice try tomboy. If you wanna hit me, you'll hafta try harder
than that!" Ranma chuckled a little at the look Akane's face. "You
know, you shouldn't be all red like that Akane. It doesn't make you
any cuter!" With that final jab, Ranma ran ahead of the little group,
turning the corner before Akane could wind up for another swing,
laughing all the way.

Akane stood where she had been left, simmering in her rage. A whirl
of emotions passed over her face before she turned around to address
Genma, who had been bemusedly watching the whole thing from a small
distance.

"Uncle Genma, you don't think my cooking's that bad, do you?"

Proving yet again that no man of the Saotome name could keep his mouth
shut at the critical moment, Genma proceeded to jam his foot into his
big fat trap.

"Well, there was that one time with the white wine...."

Three blocks away, a small flock of birds was roused from its rest by
a loud, female scream of indignation.

-----

Ranma smirked as the wave of almost tangible feminine rage passed over
him. 'Heh, so uncute,' he thought to himself as he walked up to an
intersection. 'She's never gonna learn ta cook if she's gonna be such
a tomboy all the-'

"HIKARU!!! WATCH OUT!!!"

'-time? What? What's going on?'

Ranma's eyes darted across the intersection as his body tensed in
readiness. There, a respectable distance further along the street,
was a family of four: a woman, three boys, all older than he was. And
there, in the middle of the street, was a short, red-haired girl on
her knees, right in the path of an on-coming car barreling towards
her. Damsel in distress, check. Imminent danger, check. Estimation
of probable consequence of nonaction....

Trying to outrace a car is what many would consider a pretty brainless
move. On the other hand, many would consider Ranma Saotome a pretty
brainless individual. It is said: only a fool does not know that a
task cannot be accomplished, and only a fool can accomplish such a
task. There were many who considered Ranma Saotome a complete and
utter imbecile.

In the end, it was not a choice, really. After all...

'Ranma Saotome doesn't lose.'

CC: I'll just note this line is an annoying cliche line that really doesn't add much to this scene and move on ^^.

Without another thought, Ranma threw himself forward.

~~~~~~~~~~

Ranma glared at the car as he watched it speed off. Before he could
get up to chase after it, however, the petite figure pressed to his
chest shifted, and he slowly stood up, lifting the girl as well,
supporting her until he saw that she could stand on her own. Though
the girl's head was down as she tried to regain her breath and
composure, he could see that this "Hikaru" was quite short, even a
little shorter than his girl form. Not only that, but her pinkish red
hair reached down to her waist in a long ponytail. If he didn't know
any better, she'd be able to pass herself off as his girl side from a
distance if she only had shorter hair....

"Hey, you okay? Are you hurt anywhere?"

The girl shook her head at that, before raising her eyes to meet his.
For a moment, he was caught in her gaze, before-

"Hikaru! Are you alright?! You're not hurt are you?!" One of the
older boys from before (her brother?) ran in from the side and swept
her up in a protective hug. He was soon joined by the other members
of the family, as they started to fret over the flustered girl. Ranma
smiled a little at the harried expression on the girl's face before
turning around and walking back the way he came. It must be nice,
being fussed over by a mother and siblings. Oh well, this wasn't his
business; he had done his part already. Besides, he didn't need that
sort of thing anyway. It'd probably just make him soft or something.

As he turned the corner, Ranma noticed the oldest boy of the family
looking in his direction. With a friendly smile and a jaunty wave to
the young man, he walked onwards, away from the happy scene.

-----

A block later, Ranma was starting to get irritated.

"Where are they? I didn't run that fast. They should've made
it here by now!"

Grumbling in annoyance at the slow footpaces of pandas and tomboys,
Ranma continued walking back toward where he had left Akane and his
old man behind, confident that, unlike say, Ryouga, he would be able
to find the two if he looked for them while he walked.

"Wait! Please wait a second!"

Stopping short at the voice, Ranma turned around to see the ponytailed
girl running towards him, though she seemed to be favoring her left
ankle a bit. Concerned, he walked up to her as she slowed to a stop,
gasping for breath.

"Hey, are you okay? You shouldn't be running like that if your
ankle's hurt."

The girl looked up at his concerned face for a moment, before lowering
her gaze again. She seemed to gather herself together, but suddenly
seemed to deflate again, at last simply settling for nodding to
Ranma's question.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Ranma repeated worriedly. This girl
obviously had to be hurt in some way. Her face shouldn't be as red as
all that just from running a block or so....

The girl's face reddened even more at the question. In a soft, shy
voice, she stammered a quick apology, one that Ranma didn't quite
catch. After another moment of staring at the ground, she shyly
looked up again.

"Umm... I, ah, never got the chance to say thank you for saving
me... umm... My name is Hikaru. Hikaru Shidou. I... that's all I really
wanted to say. Thank you," she finally managed, and then fell silent.

Saving a cute girl from certain injury was something that Ranma could
do without blinking. Talking to a cute girl on equal terms was
another kettle of fish entirely. Now in the latter situation instead
of the former, Ranma felt just as nervous as this Hikaru looked.
Completely out of his depth, he could only give the girl a nervous
smile.

"Ah, yeah, I'm Ranma Saotome. And you don't hafta thank me, really.
I was glad to do it. Martial artist's duty to protect others and all
that."

Having nothing more to say either, Ranma too fell silent.

The two of them were quiet for a bit, each trying to think up
something to break the awkward moment.

The moment was broken when Ranma saw Hikaru's family walk up. Glad
for the distraction, Ranma smiled at Hikaru again. "Hey, it looks
like your family's getting impatient with you. Guess you better be
getting yourself home now."

Hikaru returned the smile with a bright one of her own. "Yeah! Sure,
um... I guess I'll see you around then. Maybe. Umm...."

Ranma laughed a little at Hikaru's words. "Well, take care of
yourself then. You should watch out for that ankle too. See ya."

"Yeah...."

Hikaru seemed to gather herself and come to a conclusion. Before
Ranma could react, she had caught him in a big, friendly hug, one full
of warmth and affection. Just as quickly, she was standing in front
of him again, cheeks as bright red as before. Ranma could only stare
in silence as the girl before him stammered out a "Thank you ag-"

And that was as far as she got. One instant had him standing on the
sidewalk, frozen in shock. The next had seen him in the middle of the
street, sporting a whopper of a headache. When he looked back towards
his previous standing place, he found an angry blue-haired,
mallet-wielding girl glaring right at him. Hikaru was standing where
she had been before with a shocked look on her face, her family doing
the same half a block away. Genma was there as well, though he didn't
look surprised at all, seeing how he was stuffing his face from a box
of food. Ranma gritted his teeth as he fought the vertigo from the
mallet impact in an attempt to stand up. Something had obviously set
the Uncute One off again, and he wasn't about to let it go without a
good tongue-lashing!

"YOU STUPID UNCUTE TOMBOY!!! WHAT DID YOU-"

And then, everything went dark.

----------

Sunlight streaming into the room.

"Ah, I see you've awakened, young man. Many within our medical staff
were afraid for your life when we first saw your condition, but I must
admit I have never seen such a quick healing. You had some seriously
fractured bones and a major hit to your head, as well as a good amount
of internal damage and a few cuts, but as far as I can see, with
another few days of bed rest you'll be out of here as good as new! I
hear that you're a martial artist. Hah, if that's true, then everyone
in Tokyo should take up the hobby if it makes them as healthy as you
are."

Birds chirping outside the window.

"Wh... where am I? What happened to me?"

"You don't remember? Well, that's not such an uncommon thing with
head trauma. You had a little disagreement with a truck on a major
public road. You lost that agreement, I'm afraid, though from what I

CC: disagreement, discussion.  Lost that agreement isn't a sensible phrase, I believe.

heard about the front of that truck, I'd say you gave it a good
fight."

Soft cotton sheets.

"Wh, what? I... I don't understand."

"Ah, don't worry about it. It's not that important. Now then. I want
to make sure that you're all set as far as the software goes, if you
catch my drift. So, I'll ask you a few questions."

Flagrant blossoms in a vase.

"Umm... I guess that's okay. Ask away...."

"Well, let's start with the easy stuff, shall we? Can you tell me
about yourself? Name, age, birthday, the works."

Something feels missing.

"I... my name is...."

Something....

CC: Nifty ending.  Anyhow, will hit chapter 1 soon enough.  This is pretty solid as far as it goes.  I didn't notice many formatting, grammar, or spelling errors in it.