[Sluggy/Hamtaro] [Spamfic] The Sunflower Seed Slaughter

[Yuthirin]

The Sunflower Seed Slaughter

Idea by Dracos

Written by Yuthirin


   It was a beautiful summer day outside. The sun was shining down, but it wasn't too hot. A gentle breeze was blowing, making the bright green leaves on the trees rustle. The grass on the ground was lush, thick, and soft to the touch. The white, Red-roofed house stood placidly, emanating a homey atmosphere. An empty sunflower seed bag lay on the ground beneath an open window next to the doors to the basement. Nearby, two hamsters, one gray and white, one brown and white, followed their noses to the scent of sunflower seeds.

   "Keep a close eye out for any clues, Hamtaro." said the gray and white hamster.

   "Sure thing, Boss!" said Hamtaro, the brown hamster.

   As they got closer to the bag, Hamtaro perked his ears and said, "Look, Boss! There's the bag!" The two scrambled up to the bag and sniffed it carefully.

   "I do believe you're right, Hamtaro!" said Boss. He looked up at the open window. "The sunflower seeds must be in there. There must be some way to get inside..."

   "Boss! Come look at this!"

   Boss walked over to Hamtaro, who had moved to the green double-doors. "What is it, Hamtaro?"

   "This door is open enough for us to get inside!" cried Hamtaro cheerfully, pointing to one of the doors, which had a corner bent upwards.

   "Good work, Hamtaro! Let's go!"

   Hamtaro nodded and crawled into the hole, Boss following quickly behind him. They climbed up onto a wooden railing and skittered downward. After a bit, they came to a huge room, dimly lit by a small, glowing green hoop. They used the light to pick their way up across various broken beams. Upward they climbed, toward a small hole near the ceiling that shined forth bright yellow light.

   Having traversed the long and perilous climb across the rickety and unstable splintered wooden beams, they reached a point where the climb was straight up the wall, about a foot and a half.

   Boss looked a bit nervous. "Uhh...you first, Hamtaro."

   Hamtaro wore a determined look on his rodent face. "Right." He climbed up the wall slowly, and then entered the hole. The hole, a bit of a squeeze, let out behind a television. Not realizing how high up he was, Hamtaro fell a foot straight down when the hole suddenly ended. He landed on a frayed cable, which snapped under his weight.

   Whatever had been on the television was now turned to static. Hamtaro shook his head to try to recover his balance and stood up.

   "Hamtaro, are you alright? I can't fit in the hole!" came Boss' voice from the hole. He had climbed up and discovered that he could not fit through. "I'm going to climb back out! I'll wait for you outside!"

   Hamtaro, still a little woozy, said, "Okay, Boss." He looked around himself and started sniffing. The sound from the television was distracting him, however, and he couldn't concentrate on the faint scent. Suddenly, the scent got heavier, and it seemed to be coming from right behind Hamtaro. He turned around to see a gray and white rabbit standing on his hind legs. A furry friend! Maybe he knew where the sunflower seeds were! "Hi! My name's Hamtaro. What's yours?" he said, sniffing at the rabbit. "You smell like sunflower seeds! Can I have some?"

   The rabbit stared at Hamtaro, then looked at the severed cable, then back at Hamtaro again. "...Baywatch..."

   Hamtaro blinked. "Baywatch? What's a Baywatch? Is that a sunflower seed? Can I have some?" he said, kush-kushing.

   Ka-Click! Went the switchblade that had appeared in Bun-bun's hand. "Let's dance, Seed-boy."

   Boss arrived outside right as the screams started. It took him a moment to realize that they were coming from Hamtaro. "It must be a cat!" he said to himself. He listened for a moment, then removed his hat, placing it against his chest, and bowed his head. When the screams died, he mumbled quietly, "He was a brave ham..." He then scampered off, hoping to avoid the same fate.

   Inside, Bun-Bun sat on the couch, nibbling on sunflower seeds, watching Baywatch. Behind the television, Hamtaro's dead body twitched every once in a while as it conducted the current from one end of the severed wire to the other.

MORAL: Never come between a psychotic rabbit and his Baywatch.

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I hope you all enjoyed it...believe it or not, I didn't start this...Dracos came up with the idea in response to the popularity of Hamtaro.

Feedback would be appreciated...

[Anastasia]

Um...er...yeah.

I'm not familiar with Hamtaro, so...*Shrugs*  It was something, at least.

[Dracos]

It still feels to mechanical and not lively enough to convey the humor.  The opening desc is too swift, getting quickly into it without really giving a feeling of atmosphere.  Actually, it does.  It gives a Mr. Rogers matter of factly atmosphere to the beginning of the work....which doesn't help you get the funny out there any better.  I'm not particularly good with forms of comedy outside of satire so...I'll leave it for more apt comedians to help you out ^^.

Fearless Leader

[Yuthirin]

I know it wasn't too funny. It was more an experiment in violence and character formation than anything else. I needed to see if I could do it. By God, at least I finished it.

[Dracos]

Hah.  Alrighty then man ^_^

Fearless leader