[Haruhi] The Coin

[Brian]

Like I said, even severely flawed as it is, this fic is extremely thought-provoking and pushed me to try to figure out what my own perspective on these characters is -- i.e. I didn't just think it was flawed, I was curious to know why I thought it was flawed. I guess Brian didn't get that benefit out of it since he already has a clear picture of Haruhi in his head, and he just immediately sees all of the places where your portrayal diverges in ways that he finds unsatisfactory.

Not to harp on it too much, but the feeling I get from The Coin is:

"Haruhi is a sociopath who pretends all of the character growth from the novels, but now that we can see from her PoV, we realize it's just a mask."

Haruhi's irreverence and inability to show concern for others would be about right for just after Sigh, but this Haruhi grates because she doesn't recall the lessons that Dissapearance Haruhi has learned, or that the Haruhi who made Kyon chocolate for valentines day did.  The Haruhi that wants Kyon to call her on the phone is replaced with one who seems to just be an avatar for her intelligence and powers.

So, Muprhid, based on earlier comments, and hoping this isn't too critical:

It seems to me that the plot existed before considering how the characters would actually work with it (based on your reaction to my comments on your initial draft of the prologue).  Moreover, the plot is about Haruhi's powers more than the character, and that's the order that the considerations were addressed in the story.  At least, that's how it feels.

I'm guessing you want some 'Haruhi explores the universe and has strange journeys and grows from them', and for this character, if this were set immediately after Sigh, then I'd say you were doing a great job.

Otherwise, looking at how (I feel) Haruhi's character has to be twisted to make this all work + the wall-bangers of Poor Communication Kills (seriously, these people are so much more genre savvy than that)....   

Do you think another approach (restructuring the story somehow) might work?  TBH, the only way I could see this whole thing working out to any degree is if Kyon were removed from the picture somehow.  Then you don't need to justify him being an idiot and not saying anything, or have to justify Haruhi considering Kyon knowing about the supernatural as a betrayal, and him being John Smith as anything else.

He's just out of town for whatever reason, and can come back/be dragged back to save the day.

Anyway; only ideas ... I don't want to keep you from writing your story or say it needs to be redone from the ground up, just suggesting some alternate views that may highlight the differences between our viewpoints; ways I could see these same plot points being delivered that wouldn't grate against my understanding of the novels.

I think the first two chapters were really snappy and the rest of the fic is in the doldrums because after the initial setup you're filling up space throwing contrived problems at someone who, logically speaking, should be much better at handling them. None of these problems and misunderstandings seem to be essential to the ideas you're presenting. For example Haruhi could have just gone and saved the stadium, while still hating Asakura for forcing her into, say, using her powers faster than she felt ready to develop them, so that theme is still examined.

Looking back on this....

Considering Haruhi's usual double-standards and intelligence, I think there's a pretty clear line between 'being a psychotic bitch who decides to create chaos because the boy she aknowledged was right to do so shot her down last night, and then hitting Taniguchi with lightning for whining about it' (and, sorry, that is exactly what Haruhi did; the rewrite makes her 'do it anyway' stance worse, and continues to hilight the 'Haruhi/Kyon communication is worthless' (which will make 'But she will listen to 'John Smith'' a particularly bitter pill to swallow later) sense that this story gives).  Erg.  No, sorry, that still bothers me.

Anyway.  There's a very, very huge gap between 'being a psycho and almost killing someone because she doesn't want to listen to them' and 'stopping some obviously supernatural bullshit from killing 13k people in the first place'.

In retrospect, even after Mori's emotional beatdown, the fact that Haruhi actually didn't even try to help felt very, very wrong.  I tried to justify it to myself the last time by saying 'Haruhi's desire for it to end summoned Yuki', but....  Anyway, that leads to the next issue:

I cannot see why any of these characters would consent to allow the IDSE to talk to Haruhi.  At all.

Once Haruhi's brought into the loop, I cannot understand how she's willing to totally dismiss the repeated attempted murder of Kyon.  Assuming that this Haruhi doesn't like Kyon, it's still just as bad that she's ignoring the potential murder of, what, 13,000 people?  And she accepts an offer from someone she has every reason not to trust, over someone she claims is a friend (she vaccilates on that so much it gives me a headache, though)?

Kyon should be fighting his hardest against it, not just going along placidly; I really meant those points about Kyon threatening to destroy the IDSE for doing anything to Yuki.  It just feels ... out of character and forced (yet again, another instance of the characters not resolving issues that they could -- which in turn makes me slowly resent the plot because it doesn't feel like it fits naturally) to have him allow this plot to continue as he has.

Okay.  Plot is that Haruhi goes with Ryouko.  Foreshadow that Ryouko's going to get horrible powers and be a big, nasty evil later, based on Haruhi's innocent misunderstanding (except, as things are in the current draft, it's neither innocent, or a misunderstanding).

This setup would have worked great if: Ryouko hadn't shown herself to be a psycho, and Kyon didn't know this whole thing was going on in the first place.

Then, Ryouko can be your villain by just showing up and sneakily lying to Haruhi (hey, Mori did, so why not?) and then lead her on grand adventures, get her cooperation, and maybe spend 3-4 chapters developing Haruhi into the character you portray, that won't trust her friends.  Now it'd have the justification of Ryouko driving that wedge there instead of ignoring the novel's development, you still get to explore the angles (I think) your plot is aiming to cover, and etc. etc. etc. while Kyon's ... stuck at the bedside of a dying relative in the country, or something plausible to keep him uninvolved.

@Brian: Wait, you got drunk *because* of the fic? I guess I had you pegged correctly (ever since 'Downfall') as someone who really takes this stuff to heart.

Yes.  This interpretation of Haruhi did hit me that hard.  I kept trying to like her, but ... there's just no (visible) positive interactions between Haruhi and almost anyone else -- only irreverent video game references in the middle of soul-crushing despair.  Ugh.  Sorry.  If Haruhi were more likable, it might work; I get the sense of a much, much bleaker and darker world than I think Muprhid intends to display.

At least it was decent rum.

So I guess even when they stopped using samovars they (and some of their descendants) got used to the idea that their tea water has to be that hot.

Interesting.

[Muphrid]

Let me explain myself a little bit in regard to this chapter as written and the story as a whole.  Overall, what I'd hoped to do with this story was bring Haruhi to a realization: that the search for strange beings or possessing supernatural powers wouldn't make her happy.  In this story, what's given Haruhi the ability to live in and interact with the normal world is the idea, however correct or not, that the people around her are believers on some level like she is.  (Point of contention:  is this a plausible interpretation of canon?)  In particular, though, while Kyon is the only member of the brigade who can ever question Haruhi or put up resistance, he's actually the one most like this ideal, as evidenced by his choice in Disappearance and his acceptance of the chaos around Haruhi in general by this time).

I will admit that, in response to feedback, I've been continually working and reworking the outlines for this story and that that lack of steadiness has lent itself to some logical blunders.  In particular, there was an outline where Asakura contacted Haruhi before she was told about everything and without making herself a clear enemy, leading to the journey to the alien world in a way that makes a lot more sense.  As written here, it doesn't because that scene at the stadium (which in turn gave contrast to Mori's scene before that) didn't happen there.  So I admit there are great mistakes in what's written here, and that's why I'm rewriting the chapter to potentially a much different angle.

Even so, I want to elaborate on the angle I had been shooting for: that Haruhi would resist the idea of her friends in the brigade being time-travelers, espers, and aliens becuase that means she doesn't really know them and they're not really her friends.  Why do Koizumi, Asahina, and Nagato keep Haruhi in the dark?  For Koizumi, we get only vague theories and conjecture---that Haruhi might inadvertently make mass numbers of people espers or aliens or some such, even if this flies in the face of the "Haruhi's subconscious will."  That is, if she really wanted that, wouldn't she have done it already?  But I admit, any appeal to that notion is extremely fuzzy, so let's ignore that.  Consider the others.  Asahina can't even voice the time-travelers' reasons for not revealing themselves to Haruhi, but we can only infer it to be similar to Koizumi's fear.  Same with Nagato.  If we accept that reasoning at face value, then it is succinctly put as this:  the various factions didn't trust Haruhi to act responsibly.  They didn't trust her as a person.  Even if they do now (or if they're forced to trust her to protect themselves from Asakura or Mori or what-have-you), it means they didn't before.  You can argue that Haruhi should be more understanding of that, but I chose the other route.  What's going through her head here?  That Kyon didn't trust her, that Yuki didn't trust her, that all their interactions have been superficial and fake.  And that's just two of them.  Bring Asahina and Koizumi into the mix, and even the thought just terrifies her.  That was the intended tragedy of this chapter:  to stave off those overwhelming feelings of loss, Haruhi would convince herself of something she knew to be false, a self-made delusion.  Haruhi's whole image of Nagato is a delusion!

So, what do I see as the big problems with this chapter, based on the feedback given?

-The beginning doesn't make sense.  At minimum, Haruhi should consciously recognize that it was Nagato she saw.  Whether she talks herself into believing otherwise, for the basic reasons mentioned above, is another matter entirely.
-That Haruhi's characterization is unintentionally much harsher than I intended.  To some extent, I think I must simply disagree with Brian.  I feel, Brian, that comparatively speaking you want Haruhi to behave too much like a saint.  I did not feel Haruhi's remarks toward Kyon were that heated, but since we've disagreed on this before, I'm prepared to recognize that this is simply something I need to strike a better balance with.  Nevertheless, in doing that, I'm still very concerned about finding ways to have Haruhi behave in her signature way, with a commanding presence and with expectations that sometimes seem out of touch with what reality will bear, among other things.
-The logic of the Asakura matter and the reasons behind going to the Piggy planet are just utterly dumb and need extensive work.  For my part, I didn't think Asakura abducting Haruhi was that big of a deal, where now I recognize it would need at least some resistance, if it's not purged altogether (which it probably will be).

There are other minor issues.  I didn't think the Entity would be capable of real time travel, hence Asakura calls upon "Beckett" (that's not her real name!) to take Haruhi back to the present.  That, in turn, was motivated by physical considerations:  I didn't want the Entity to be capable of faster-than-light travel, regardless of how synchronization works, since FTL is functionally equivalent to time travel anyway.  At any rate, "Beckett" has her own motives, and leaving Haruhi in the future gives her more reason to confront the difference between who she thought her friends were (in this case, Asahina) and reality.  That would've been the starting point for the next chapter.


Whew.  That was a bit too much.  At any rate, based on what's already been said, I think part of why this chapter failed (aside from the grave logical inconsistencies) is the perception that Haruhi should be much more well-adjusted than I've depicted her, that she just wouldn't talk herself up with delusions or total misrepresentations of reality, and to an extent, I can understand that criticism and I think it's fair.  What that means for the future of this story I can't really say because then it leaves me wanting for a consistent emotional angle to portray Haruhi through this time and events the best play off of that.  I have...some ideas, but I admit they're not well-developed, and it may mean that the story has just undergone too much change and revision to be cohesive.

[Brian]

Let me explain myself a little bit in regard to this chapter as written and the story as a whole.  Overall, what I'd hoped to do with this story was bring Haruhi to a realization: that the search for strange beings or possessing supernatural powers wouldn't make her happy.  In this story, what's given Haruhi the ability to live in and interact with the normal world is the idea, however correct or not, that the people around her are believers on some level like she is.  (Point of contention:  is this a plausible interpretation of canon?)  In particular, though, while Kyon is the only member of the brigade who can ever question Haruhi or put up resistance, he's actually the one most like this ideal, as evidenced by his choice in Disappearance and his acceptance of the chaos around Haruhi in general by this time).

Like most of Haruhi's characterization, it's plausible if set before Disappearance.

Your story misses some events that clearly contradict your supposition -- most specifically, Haruhi does enjoy a completely normal friendship with Sakanaka.  Even from the athletic competition just six months prior, Haruhi had grown enough to admit she enjoyed it (and being popular among the girl's team, (you know, those regular people?)), unlike her backhanded dismissal of it from before filming the movie.

Haruhi is under no illusions that the sports team is on any such quest.  She may have thought of Sakanaka in those terms (which was before the athletic meet), but she became normal friends after the 'ghost' investigation.

Even so, I want to elaborate on the angle I had been shooting for: that Haruhi would resist the idea of her friends in the brigade being time-travelers, espers, and aliens becuase that means she doesn't really know them and they're not really her friends.  Why do Koizumi, Asahina, and Nagato keep Haruhi in the dark?  For Koizumi, we get only vague theories and conjecture---that Haruhi might inadvertently make mass numbers of people espers or aliens or some such, even if this flies in the face of the "Haruhi's subconscious will."  That is, if she really wanted that, wouldn't she have done it already?  But I admit, any appeal to that notion is extremely fuzzy, so let's ignore that.  Consider the others.  Asahina can't even voice the time-travelers' reasons for not revealing themselves to Haruhi, but we can only infer it to be similar to Koizumi's fear.  Same with Nagato.  If we accept that reasoning at face value, then it is succinctly put as this:  the various factions didn't trust Haruhi to act responsibly.

Canon-quibble: Kyon always has trusted her that much, or he wouldn't have tried to tell her at the end the original melancholy/start of Sigh.  Even Koizumi remarks on that trust in Boredom.

They didn't trust her as a person.  Even if they do now (or if they're forced to trust her to protect themselves from Asakura or Mori or what-have-you), it means they didn't before.  You can argue that Haruhi should be more understanding of that, but I chose the other route.  What's going through her head here?  That Kyon didn't trust her,

*mildly enraged*

Kyon tried to tell her.

Every fic that has tried to sell 'Haruhi is angry because she didn't believe Kyon for telling the truth' stokes a flame of hate within me.

But your fic has Haruhi knowing the supposed justification for people not telling her such things (thanks, Mori)!  She even agreed with it not just once, but twice -- once was the (highly notable) one time she actually listened to Kyon in the entire story, after she accidentally summoned him.

that Yuki didn't trust her, that all their interactions have been superficial and fake.  And that's just two of them.  Bring Asahina and Koizumi into the mix, and even the thought just terrifies her.  That was the intended tragedy of this chapter:  to stave off those overwhelming feelings of loss, Haruhi would convince herself of something she knew to be false, a self-made delusion.  Haruhi's whole image of Nagato is a delusion!

By her own choice, since she didn't believe Kyon.  She's now judging them based on her decision.  She's lashing out at Kyon/Yuki for something she did herself.  That's, uh, not sympathetic no matter how you spin it.

So, it's okay for Haruhi to have powers suddenly, but not Nagato?

Look ... I do get where the hurt and indignation could come from.  Haruhi's a seventeen year old girl in a very confusing situation.

But the setup should be one of massive reassurance, not utter betrayal.  It's another communication issue where they're just not saying the right things -- how can Haruhi stay upset with Yuki for the IDSE telling her not to speak to her about it?  Koizumi, Mikuru -- all three of them have superiors that ordered them not to.

Will they do this?  No, that would prevent your plot from moving forward.

I think Haruhi's indignation would work if the stakes hadn't been established at 'People will die if you screw around'.  Before that reveal?  Haruhi's entirely justified.

After that reveal?  The second the stadium's out of sight, Haruhi instantly loses all regard for 13000 lives.

Anyway.  Haruhi's more intelligent than that.  If she's so unsettled here, in this situation I think her answer to Ryouko would pretty much be, "Fuck off; I got to keep the Brigade together.  All of you have some serious 'splainin' to do!"

I wouldn't mind it so much if the drama didn't appear to come from bad communication choices -- the fact that Kyon now knows Haruhi considers this a betrayal and chooses not to reveal the trump card and clear that up before things worsen, for example.  And Haruhi not wanting to accept it, again, plausible before lives are at stake.

After that....

-That Haruhi's characterization is unintentionally much harsher than I intended.  To some extent, I think I must simply disagree with Brian.  I feel, Brian, that comparatively speaking you want Haruhi to behave too much like a saint.  I did not feel Haruhi's remarks toward Kyon were that heated, but since we've disagreed on this before, I'm prepared to recognize that this is simply something I need to strike a better balance with.  Nevertheless, in doing that, I'm still very concerned about finding ways to have Haruhi behave in her signature way, with a commanding presence and with expectations that sometimes seem out of touch with what reality will bear, among other things.

Haruhi's remarks don't have a whole lot of heat, but in the entire fic, she's never (I reiterate: NEVER) shown kind thoughts towards anyone (who she should consider her friends; she is nice to strangers ... which would make sense if this came up after the betrayal reveal, but here feels like it's establishing Haruhi's never really trusted/been that close with them anyway).  This is why I regard your portrayal of her as a sociopath.  She's attracted to Kyon physically, doesn't respect him or show him kindness, and her greatest desire is to ... make him think differently?

I'm not saying that Haruhi has to be a saint.  Actually, her behavior would be 100% fine if her thoughts weren't unilaterally, "Man, I can't stand Kyon, but I guess I'm forced to admit I'm attracted to him.  Too bad he sucks so much."

She just need to not be a complete monster to pull this off, and you'd be amazed at the amount of milage having Haruhi think positive things (and say mean ones) would get you.  Show us that dichotomy, that she's divided and (maybe) intentionally keeping Kyon at a certain distance much of the time.  Make her hurt and sympathetic, not petty and sociopathic.

Admittedly, your use of Kyon's narrative trick is going to make that ... difficult.  Possibly impossible, because I can never tell, "Is she randomly snarking on Kyon?  Or is that her actual genuine belief?  One of those is meh, one of those is terrible."

When she only shows negatives, that's all I pick up.  I happen to remember all of those petty insults/the total lack of respect, and add them up.  Haruhi is capable of kindness, and does care about her friends.  It's just the death of a thousand paper cuts.

You still portray her at the 'Sigh' mark, where she's only just learning that people aren't things.

There are other minor issues.  I didn't think the Entity would be capable of real time travel, hence Asakura calls upon "Beckett" (that's not her real name!) to take Haruhi back to the present.  That, in turn, was motivated by physical considerations:  I didn't want the Entity to be capable of faster-than-light travel, regardless of how synchronization works, since FTL is functionally equivalent to time travel anyway.  At any rate, "Beckett" has her own motives, and leaving Haruhi in the future gives her more reason to confront the difference between who she thought her friends were (in this case, Asahina) and reality.  That would've been the starting point for the next chapter.

Aside:

Spoiler: ShowHide

If that character is future Haruhi, then nevermind, but if it's a further-future instance of Mikuru, that's kind of a bummer for Mikuru.

Whew.  That was a bit too much.  At any rate, based on what's already been said, I think part of why this chapter failed (aside from the grave logical inconsistencies) is the perception that Haruhi should be much more well-adjusted than I've depicted her, that she just wouldn't talk herself up with delusions or total misrepresentations of reality, and to an extent, I can understand that criticism and I think it's fair.  What that means for the future of this story I can't really say because then it leaves me wanting for a consistent emotional angle to portray Haruhi through this time and events the best play off of that.  I have...some ideas, but I admit they're not well-developed, and it may mean that the story has just undergone too much change and revision to be cohesive.

Just because I didn't like it doesn't mean you actually have to listen to a word I say.

You may find it's easier to ignore me.  If that's most constructive, then I'm totally fine with that.

I see only that my commentary is disruptive, and I don't like your character.  Realistically ... might you be better served by not giving me that much credence?  Your story can be just fine without my input (and will have to be, concerning future chapters, but anyway).

I'm loud and I got an opinion, but I'm just one voice.

[Brian]

Also, should point out:

In Sigh, Nagato moves faster than light within an atmosphere, because it's the only way to intercept a blast headed at Kyon (Mikuru BEEEEEAM~!).  According to Kyon, anyway.  Could she have moved at a 'mere', say, 80C and still intercepted the laser?  Presumably, but given that....

I didn't realize until just now that Haruhi was dealing with the effects of relativity and that's why she was 'x' years in the future.

In Bamboo Leaf Rhapsody, Nagato outright states that the IDSE can transcend time, they just think the way humans do it is clumsy.  Nagato can't do it herself, but she also says that time travel is 'not very hard'.  Presumably, with permission, Nagato or Ryouko could get the IDSE to let them time travel (just like Nagato set the stasis field) the exact same way.

[Arakawa]

In Sigh, Nagato moves faster than light within an atmosphere, because it's the only way to intercept a blast headed at Kyon (Mikuru BEEEEEAM~!).  According to Kyon, anyway.  Could she have moved at a 'mere', say, 80C and still intercepted the laser?  Presumably, but given that....

Not feeling sure of this one, but an alternate theory is that Nagato might have noticed something weird going on with Mikuru's eye several microseconds before it fired. Considering that her job is observing alterations made by Haruhi to her immediate environment, it wouldn't be implausible that she would notice it happening quickly enough to react and move in front of Kyon.

In which case, Kyon just saw her blocking a laser and jumped to the wrong conclusion.

[Brian]

Nagato: "There was not enough time to shield."

I would expect she can do that faster than she could (for example) point to the sky and say, "Look!" to Mikuru (as that also would have addressed the issue), so she didn't have that much warning.

[Arakawa]

Yeah that sort of josses it. Although not enough time doesn't necessarily mean 'zero time'. It could be that she needed to be in front of Kyon to shield, too, so she had to move anyways and what she actually meant is that there was no time left to move+shield.

I'll drop this now because I don't care either way. I see no reason why the IDSE shouldn't know how to perform faster-than-light travel, for one thing.

[Brian]

Well, maybe not jossed.  None of this is really stated, and all of it comes from an unreliable narrator.

[Halbarad]

I haven't commented here much, since I've also been writing a story along similar lines (Haruhi discovering the secrets around her on her own), also from her PoV, and I've felt like commenting here would be a sort of conflict of interest. At Brian's encouragement, though, and after reading some of his commentary, there are a couple of points I'd like to toss in here about Haruhi herself.

Note here that I haven't read much past chapter 1; early scans of the fic gave me a very negative impression of Haruhi, and since I haven't really considered myself in a position to comment, I haven't read it. The issues that Brian's brought up are fairly common in representations of Haruhi, though, and another perspective might be helpful.

On the idea of using Kyon's PoV for Haruhi: This concept, while it might seem to fit the style of the original novels, doesn't work well at all for Haruhi herself. Kyon is a rather dispassionate person - he hangs back and watches, doesn't do much, and makes snarky comments about the people and events around him. The only time we really see him roused to any kind of passion is during Sigh, and it's a pretty notable event for just that reason - the novels give the impression that he's really hard to get riled up, given the things he goes through without becoming seriously perturbed.

In these senses, Haruhi is almost diametrically opposed to Kyon. She's highly passionate and cannot resist getting involved or trying to take control of any situation she comes across. While it's possible that in narrating a story she'd throw in the occasional sarcasm, for the most part she's going to be fired up and excited about things, or obviously bored if there's nothing to be excited about. If she gets distracted (the way Kyon can at times with his asides), she'll be just as energetic about pursuing the bunny trail as she would her original goal - or she'll immediately dismiss it as unimportant, since it's distracting her from her real target.

By the same token, too, she doesn't stew. Judging from some of Brian's commentary above, she's been angry and distrustful of the rest of the Brigade. I won't make a judgement as to whether this is justified or not since I haven't read the story, but if it is, something that a lot of people seem to miss with Haruhi is that she doesn't fume or rant - or more accurately, she doesn't -just- fume or rant, but she'll attempt to take control of the situation and -make- things better. If it's something she can control directly, she'll do so; if it's not something she can find an angle of attack with, she tends to make closed spaces - which are just another form of attempting to seize control of the situation and make things better, albeit very drastic attempts.

The sociopathic tendencies have been fairly well addressed, but I'll say that this was the biggest turn-off for me early in the fic - seeing Haruhi react to what she'd done to Taniguchi not with the understandable horror and shock that almost anyone would show after killing or severely injuring, even if unintentionally, but with almost a clinical detachment and analysis of the situation. This is probably compounded by the fact that she's using Kyon's dispassionate narration style, which distances herself even further from her usual passionate personality - to the extent that she appears to show no kind of remorse or regret at all for what she's just done, and makes her end up looking like a complete monster.

Again, since I haven't read most of the fic itself at this point, these points may or may not be useful to you. From discussion with Brian, though, I think keeping these in consideration for a possible rewrite or large-scale readjustment (or future use in trying to write Haruhi's PoV, if nothing else) might help.

Best of luck.

[Muphrid]

Canon-quibble: Kyon always has trusted her that much, or he wouldn't have tried to tell her at the end the original melancholy/start of Sigh.  Even Koizumi remarks on that trust in Boredom.

Yes, Kyon trusted her enough to try telling her what Nagato, Koizumi, and Asahina are.  But it's clear he thinks telling her about her powers is a risky proposition, one he's nominally prepared to go for if the stakes are high (e.g. to save Nagato), but all other things being equal, I take this tacitly as evidence even he isn't real thrilled about the idea of Haruhi knowing about her powers.  At least, he's uneasy enough about it to keep it under wraps.

In writing this story, I tried to strike a balance on that last point.  On the one hand, Kyon would be relieved to think Haruhi was figuring things out for herself and he wouldn't have to bend over backwards to keep things from her.  On the other, it still makes him uneasy.  I deliberately tried, however successfully, to give his actions early on that conflict.

I'm not saying that Haruhi has to be a saint.  Actually, her behavior would be 100% fine if her thoughts weren't unilaterally, "Man, I can't stand Kyon, but I guess I'm forced to admit I'm attracted to him.  Too bad he sucks so much."

In reading back, I can understand how you read her that way.  As you said, though, Kyon doesn't get riled up or excited too easily.  That was what I was really going for--that Haruhi really wants to see that kind of enthusiasm, that kind of real joy or excitement from him which is so hard to evoke.  What does she do here?  She thinks of him as stuffy.  She thinks he doesn't take things seriously, that he has no attachment and thus she can't relate to him fully, exactly because she rides her successes and feels her disappointments so keenly (even if, when she does fail in some way, she gets right back up with the energy we know she has).  To touch on something else, Haruhi here is excited by the idea of really impressing Kyon and getting a rise out of him for several reasons, but in particular to share a feeling with him.  Forget the attraction angle for a minute.  If she can impart that sense of wonder and awe to someone has hard to move as Kyon, that's worth it.

That she also should treasure him for how his presence has forced her to better herself would make that all the better.  I admit, that's an aspect I haven't played up.  And if it's that lack of balance that's the problem, then that's something I can comprehend.

The sociopathic tendencies have been fairly well addressed, but I'll say that this was the biggest turn-off for me early in the fic - seeing Haruhi react to what she'd done to Taniguchi not with the understandable horror and shock that almost anyone would show after killing or severely injuring, even if unintentionally, but with almost a clinical detachment and analysis of the situation. This is probably compounded by the fact that she's using Kyon's dispassionate narration style, which distances herself even further from her usual passionate personality - to the extent that she appears to show no kind of remorse or regret at all for what she's just done, and makes her end up looking like a complete monster.

I understand your reluctance to comment thus far, Hal.  I'll only say that I think the entire opening of that chapter, through the time Haruhi leaves the hospital where Taniguchi was taken, is in my mind a fair mix of Haruhi trying to cope (by distancing herself from her emotions) and alternately succumbing to the strain of them (e.g. when she resists being examined because she's horrified the nurses would spend even a second with her when it's Taniguchi who needs their help).  That chapter as a whole lays on the guilt pretty thick.


At any rate, it is apparent to me that chapter four as written is does not have an approach, tone, or direction beneficial to the future of the story.  Toward the goal of remedying that, I've been working on the rewrite, and this is what I have so far.  Posting partial work is, I admit, something I've not done before, but I'd like to give some idea of what I've taken away from the discussion so far.

The first two revised scenes are below.

Spoiler: ShowHide

"Yuki!"

In the aftermath of Asakura's attack, the stadium was quiet—a lot quieter than fifty thousand people ever should be.  Maybe it was the shock of what'd happened.  I doubt most people could even start to understand what Asakura had done.  Hell, I didn't understand what that show of lights meant or how she'd done it.  Was she something like me?

My gut clenched.  Just the possibility of being anything like her should make anyone sick.  I put the thought out of my mind.  Someone else stopped Asakura.  Someone else used Mikuru-chan's cap to do it.  I knew that well; I held the hat in my hands.

And I knew who I'd seen walking away on the next aisle.

"Yuki, stop!"

I know she heard me.  It was too quiet.  She couldn't have missed it.  Why won't you answer me, Yuki?

I started to go after her, back to the concession alley, but there was a scream, a commotion.  The aisles started to flood with people, scampering to leave their seats.  It was like, all of the sudden, all the fans woke from their stupor, and I wasn't halfway up the section stair before I was surrounded, bumped, and jostled from every direction.  What could I do to change that?  "Hey, everyone, stop!" I could yell.  "You have to let me through, so I can find out why this cute little bookworm girl was on the wrong side of the stadium when this other invisible girl was speared in the shoulder, okay?"  I may be commanding as a brigade chief, but getting a few hundred people to listen to you is a different matter!

At least, if you don't have powers.  I could picture Asakura grinning with the idea—that if I did something subtle, something no one would notice, all these people might stop and listen and get out of the way.  I'll be honest:  that smile of hers scares the shit out of me.  I don't want to give her what she wants.

But, on the other hand, I can't stand by and be powerless.  I can't just listen to Mori-san.  I stood around, forcing myself to do nothing.  I shouldn't have hesitated.  I should've set out to walk the fine line.

I know all that because I saw what made the spectators run from their seats.  Most of them were unhurt, it looked like.  They'd floating out of their seats far too slowly to be in danger.  I imagine you could hold yourself down and be fine—if you had something to hold on to.  If you were unlucky enough to be on the field or in an aisle—there are no handrails or anything like that, not at Kōshien...

That's why I should've done things differently.  I was afraid of myself.  I didn't want to give in to her, but I ended up doing just that.  I didn't give her everything, but she got the next best thing.

In the next aisle over, some people had stopped, forming a circle and kneeling down.  I couldn't see what they were crowding around, but I could guess.  I was torn over it.  I hoped, on the one hand, that those passers-by might be able to help that person, to bring him back so the paramedics, whenever they got here, would have a fighting chance to save him.

And on the other, I hoped he'd gone quickly, so Asakura would've missed the light in his eyes going out.


They stopped the game after the incident, leaving it unfinished in the bottom of the seventh.  All around the outside of the stadium, blue and red lights flashed.  Police officers gathered at each gate and stair, ushering those who could walk outside.  Paramedics pushed their way through the crowd and carried out those who couldn't.  Most people couldn't wait to make a beeline for the station, but I cut across and around the stadium's perimeter.  Yuki should still have been around there somewhere.  Kyon and the others—they'd wait for me.  I tucked the other hat under my arm and started dailing my phone.

"Haruhi?"

A siren blared as an ambulance motored off.  I covered one ear with my hand and pressed the phone to the other.  "Kyon?" I began.  "Can you hear me?  Is everyone all right?"

"We're fine; everyone's fine.  What happened?  Where did you run off to?"

I winced.  Just what should I say?  That I'd found an invisible girl in the toilet and chased after her?  Okay, maybe that's a little more believable ever since I started doing impossible things myself, but then I'd have to explain it all—why Asakura was trying to manipulate me, why I didn't act to save everyone sooner.  Because I was stubborn, because I was scared, I made someone else do it for me.

Someone like Yuki.  That's what I wanted to know.  I wanted to know about Yuki.

"Haruhi?  Are you still there?"

"Is Yuki with you?" I asked.

"Nagato?  Yeah, she's here."

"When did she get back?"

"Just now?  Look, we're outside by stair twenty-two.  Tsuruya-san is getting a car for us since the bus's bound to be packed."

"Then thank Tsuruya-san for me.  Tell her we'll do ten thousand hours of service for her in return!"

" 'Ten thousand'?" he cried.  "And what kind of service?"

"But more importantly," I said, "don't let Yuki out of your sight.  That's an order!  You understand?"

"What's all this about?"

"And Kyon, I expect if you so much as skinned your elbow from what happened today, you would tell me.  A good brigade member doesn't hide any injuries from the chief.  You're not hurt at all, are you?"

"No."

"Not even a scratch?"

"I was worried about you, too, Haruhi."

My ears went a little warm.  Kyon, I'm glad you can't see me right now.

"I'm really all right.  We all are."

Good, that's really good.  If any of you were hurt, it'd be worse.  I know that's horrible to say out loud or write in black and white, but it's true, isn't it?  No one means as much to you as your family and friends.  I've always had family, of course, but for a long time, I thought anyone I met at school or in clubs—anyone I could possibly make friends with—wouldn't be interesting, wouldn't be worth knowing.

That's all changed in the last year.  My friends were at this baseball game with me.  They don't have to be time-travelers, aliens, espers, or sliders to be interesting.  Mikuru-chan is adorable.  Koizumi-kun's wise and agreeable.  Tsuruya-san is like another burst of energy whenever she's around.  And yes, as much as I nag on him, Kyon is Kyon—my dose of reality, of honesty that no one else can give.

That just leaves Yuki, really, and if she is the person I saw walking away from me as Asakura disappeared—no, there's no if about it, I know she is—then the Yuki I know is just the beginning.

I stayed on the line with Kyon until I caught up to him and the others at our entry gate.  The weather had turned a bit cool for a summer evening; I spotted Mikuru-chan with a blanket draped over her shoulders, the one we'd brought to protect from the sun.  Even though Kyon was on the line with me and Koizumi-kun was looking over the crowd, too, it was Tsuruya-san who spotted me first.

"Yo, Haru-nyan, you're okay?  That's a big relief after all this trouble.  I feel like it's my fault, getting all of you involved in this."

Like you could've guessed a psychotic alien would attack today?  Not a chance.  I told Tsuruya-san we'd be glad to tag along with her, anytime, as long as she'd have us.  We still had a summer retreat planned, didn't we?

"That's the spirit!" she cried.  "At times like this, you have to remember to treasure the days you have, you know."

Truer words have never been said.  That's why I watched the sixth member of our group as we waited for Tsuruya-san's car.  Yuki had parked herself beside Koizumi-kun like a statue, reading from her hardcover like nothing had happened.

"Well?"

I jolted.  Kyon, don't sneak up on me like that!

"If you're watching Nagato, does that mean I still have to?"

"The order has yet to be rescinded," I said.  "To disregard it would be wanton dereliction of duty!"

"That armband says 'Brigade Chief,' not 'Minister of Defense.' "

Yuki's eye wandered from the pages of the green hardcover.  That's no good; we'd only spook her like this.  I pulled Kyon aside.

"Where are we—"

"Shh!"  I looked around him.  Maybe Yuki was listening, but if she were, she didn't show it.  Could she have super hearing?  Well, if she did, she'd already know I'd spotted her.  She hadn't done anything about it.  Either she wasn't going to, even if I told Kyon...

Or I'd be ready, just in case—more ready than I had been with Asakura.  As impossible as it is to imagine anything like that coming from Yuki...

Well, that's why someone needs to know.

"Kyon," I began, "you're going to have a hard time believing this, but just listen, okay?  I'm not making this up.  When I went to the toilet, after that woman fell, someone was waiting for me.  It was—"

"Asakura."

Yeah, it was Asa—wait, you're not supposed to know that yet!  I didn't tell you!

"It's all right," he said.  "Nagato told me everything."

Yuki told him everything.  Yuki, who wouldn't stop for me or even meet my eyes, told Kyon exactly what happened?  Why would she do that?  Wouldn't it be a shock for him, for everyone, to see Yuki running off with Mikuru-chan's hat with no explanation for why, and then all that...

Unless Kyon knew what Yuki was all along.

"Haruhi, look at me," he said.  "Take a minute.  Take a breath."

"What is she?" I whispered.  "A superhuman?  Genetically altered?  Is that what Asakura is, too?  That light—they're sliders, aren't they?  They took us to another dimension!"

"They're not sliders; they're aliens."

An alien.  Yuki's an alien.  She's some sort of thing, a creature bottled into human form.  Gods, if I hadn't seen that pointed metal spear sticking through Asakura's shoulder, I don't think I'd believe it now.

But what's more amazing than all that is the person who's tellling me this.  Kyon, of all people, would be the last person I'd ever expect to have a secret life with aliens.  How can this be true, Kyon?  How do you know all this?

I asked him, and his brow furrowed.  He checked over his shoulder, at Yuki and the others.  Mikuru-chan and Tsuruya-san were talking.  Yuki was reading her book.  Koizumi-kun had a relaxed expression, standing between the three of them.  At last, with a heavy breath, Kyon faced me again.

"Haruhi," he said, "what do you remember about Tanabata four years ago?"

You'd be better off asking me what I don't remember, Kyon.  It was a muggy night.  The skies were clear.  All the preparations I'd made in advance.  I'd gone to one of the teachers during lunch, asking about a math problem, and swiped the gate key he kept on a neck chain.  After that, I'd headed to the athletic storeroom, moving what I needed—a line marker, a cart, and some lime—to the back, where no one would look.  That's because if I'd tried to steal a key from my gym teacher and got caught, I'd be in trouble.  He used to do pro wrestling, you know, and he made it clear that any lack of discipline on our part would be punished with a demonstration of his old moves.  I always thought that was pretty fishy, probably illegal even, but since no one else had been crazy enough to find out, I didn't want to be first.

Ever since I'd had that weird dream the night before, I'd started drawing up the message I wanted to send.  If there were aliens out there, watching us, it could easily take them dozens or hundreds of years to see my drawing and send a response.  They might not even realize it's there until well after the light from Earth that night had passed them by.  At any rate, I figured it had to be done right the first time.  Radio signals and skyscrapers only showed them our technology, our knowledge.  Only a few people were actually trying to get messages to the stars, and who better to aim that message to on the seventh day of the seventh month than the weaver princess and her cow-herding lover in the sky?

In hindsight, I think my message was received, just not by whom I expected to get it.  I was fully prepared to draw it all myself, to make corrections as I stepped back and gained perspective.  If I had to, I'd take all night to get it perfect, but instead, I had help.  There was a stranger at the gate that night, carrying his sister on his back.  That's the only thing I don't remember as clearly as I'd like.  In the moon- and starlight, I never saw his face that well, but we talked for some time.  He was like normal people.  He saw no reason aliens, time-travelers, and espers shouldn't be everywhere.  He said he was from North High, and he said there were people there who sent messages to the stars, too.

After that night, I thought, if I went by North High from time to time, I might see him.  Even if I wasn't sure if his face, I should recognize him, right?  By the way he walked?  By who he hung out with and how he acted?

I never found him, though.  Maybe if I'd known more about him, I could've, but I didn't.  I just knew he had an older sister, that he went to North High, and that, on that night, he went by an alias—a pathetically obvious one at that.  It was a name that shouldn't have meant anything.

"You went to East Middle School to draw lines on the ground, didn't you?"

A lot of people know that.  It's not a secret.

"But what no one knows, what you didn't tell a soul, is that someone helped you," said Kyon.  "You found him, a North High student, and you pressed him into drawing that diagram for you while you watched.  I'm right, aren't I, Haruhi?  You remember like it was yesterday: how he called out to you, after you were finished, and asked you to never forget his name."

And I didn't!  I couldn't!  I searched all over for him, yet nothing came of it.  I dreamed of the day he'd find me and ask if I remembered that summer night.

But now it's you who's telling me this, Kyon?  How can this be?  We're in the same year.  If you'd been in high school then, you should've been gone before I ever came to North High.  How can you tell me I've seen your face day in and day out for over a year now and never thought...

Is this why I felt you were familiar?  Is this why I thought I knew you but couldn't place how or where?

"Haruhi," he whispered, "do you need me to say that name?"

No—I mean, yes—I mean—

I don't know.  My heart was racing.  I stared at him, studying his face.  These are details I should know too well by now—the color of his eyes, the way his hair falls around his ears.  They are like that person's features, aren't they?  If I could remember more clearly...

I guess you need to tell me, then.  I need to hear it to be absolutely sure.  Tell me the name you used that night.

Tell me your name is John...

"And kiss her!"

Kyon and I sprang apart, my heart beating almost out of my chest.  What on Earth are you talking about, Tsuruya-san?!

"What's this?"  She tilted her head innocently.  "I thought sure Kyon-kun and Haru-nyan were having a love-love moment.  Was I wrongs?"

[Brian]

Yes, Kyon trusted her enough to try telling her what Nagato, Koizumi, and Asahina are.  But it's clear he thinks telling her about her powers is a risky proposition, one he's nominally prepared to go for if the stakes are high (e.g. to save Nagato), but all other things being equal, I take this tacitly as evidence even he isn't real thrilled about the idea of Haruhi knowing about her powers.  At least, he's uneasy enough about it to keep it under wraps.

In writing this story, I tried to strike a balance on that last point.  On the one hand, Kyon would be relieved to think Haruhi was figuring things out for herself and he wouldn't have to bend over backwards to keep things from her.  On the other, it still makes him uneasy.  I deliberately tried, however successfully, to give his actions early on that conflict.

I think I agree with what Hal generally suggests for Kyon's reasoning there; if Haruhi had been more accepting that day, he would have told her more.  But she reacted badly, so he backed off, and then it wasn't until Disappearance that he realized he did have a way to reach her (and also had learned to be more reluctant about the idea).

In reading back, I can understand how you read her that way.  As you said, though, Kyon doesn't get riled up or excited too easily.  That was what I was really going for--that Haruhi really wants to see that kind of enthusiasm, that kind of real joy or excitement from him which is so hard to evoke.  What does she do here?  She thinks of him as stuffy.  She thinks he doesn't take things seriously, that he has no attachment and thus she can't relate to him fully, exactly because she rides her successes and feels her disappointments so keenly (even if, when she does fail in some way, she gets right back up with the energy we know she has).  To touch on something else, Haruhi here is excited by the idea of really impressing Kyon and getting a rise out of him for several reasons, but in particular to share a feeling with him.  Forget the attraction angle for a minute.  If she can impart that sense of wonder and awe to someone has hard to move as Kyon, that's worth it.

I follow that, and it does make sense, except ... Haruhi's already actually achieved that with Kyon -- take for example when she got him to flirt with her after Valentines day and he told her point blank that the Brigade needed her.  That is, admittedly, much more mundane than what this Haruhi desires.  Your characterization has a more (still) melancholy Haruhi, who has not grown away from her supernatural ideals and searching as much (or felt a sudden desire to revisit them, maybe because it'd been so long).

Anyway.  There's also the irony of the fact that even when it comes to the supernatural, Kyon's already had that happen to him.  She'll probably feel really confused and robbed of an opportunity when she realizes that it's her own fault (in ... every possible way, actually).

Aside from the 'didn't trust Kyon' issue, is the fact that her powers have already made that desire a reality the day that Ryouko first attacked Kyon.  So, she's got a nice goal, but thanks to her power, it's been accomplished for quite a while.

That she also should treasure him for how his presence has forced her to better herself would make that all the better.  I admit, that's an aspect I haven't played up.  And if it's that lack of balance that's the problem, then that's something I can comprehend.

Anyway.  The 'attraction' thing was just to underscore that it was the closest this Haruhi really telling us about a 'likable' quality in Kyon; effectively, her assesment of him was a laundry list of complaints, with a grudging admission that she's physically attracted to him (while she tries to deny it to herself).  It's probably unintentional on your part, but there were other small bits that reinforced that, like Haruhi having a positive thought about the brigade in general, but still picking on Kyon.

So.  Sorry again for overstating that. >_<

I understand your reluctance to comment thus far, Hal.  I'll only say that I think the entire opening of that chapter, through the time Haruhi leaves the hospital where Taniguchi was taken, is in my mind a fair mix of Haruhi trying to cope (by distancing herself from her emotions) and alternately succumbing to the strain of them (e.g. when she resists being examined because she's horrified the nurses would spend even a second with her when it's Taniguchi who needs their help).  That chapter as a whole lays on the guilt pretty thick.

Hmm.

My personal reason for reading through that was that Haruhi's behavior was presented as 'less horrible'.  Which I found 'better', but not 'great' (though, it was in keeping).

I realize more and more, it's feeling like there's a dissonance between the story you're telling us and the one you have in your head; the positive emotions etc. in Haruhi are already there, and you're just forgetting to bring them onscreen because you're thinking, "But Haruhi's also the narrator; would she actually admit that?"

Which ... is entirely valid, and part of why she's so hard to write in first person.

At any rate, it is apparent to me that chapter four as written is does not have an approach, tone, or direction beneficial to the future of the story.  Toward the goal of remedying that, I've been working on the rewrite, and this is what I have so far.  Posting partial work is, I admit, something I've not done before, but I'd like to give some idea of what I've taken away from the discussion so far.

Mmph.  I feel bad we made all that noise, you revised, and there were no other comments....

Well, let me apologize for continually overstating my PoV; I just get too worked up over this. >_>

I've read through your revisions, and I'll say that I like it a lot better, and Haruhi's character feels more like someone who's chosen a route through her confusions and is going to weather it.  Otherwise, while it does play (now) more to my biases, I'm a jerk, so make sure you're happy with what you've got.

Good luck with your story, Mr. Clark. :)

[Arakawa]

Yep, I definitely like this revision as well. It even nullifies some objections to previous chapters in my opinion - with the rest of the fic as it stands, it feels like Haruhi was being a bit of an awful person, then the stadium scene shocked her into behaving properly. Character development in real life does work that way: we move forward two steps, we take one step back, we need some kind of shock to point us in the right direction again...

My only concern is that Tsuruya might be toned down a hair or two; she seems to be playing to Brian's complaints just a bit too much. Highly personal version regarding Tsuruya, which was obtained by sort of selectively ignoring or re-editing certain minor aspects of canon: it's uncanny how she does her bit to keep the brigade moving forward on a human level without being particularly syrupy or even considerate (although of course she gets better as things go along, she's still Tsuruya throughout). Here she was a bit too considerate maybe. Not sure if you want to be listening to me on this point :-)

[Muphrid]

Yeah, Tsuruya is someone I'm still trying to peg.  How far off-kilter, if that's the right way of putting it, can Tsuruya be considering what just happened not twenty minutes before?  Truthfully, I don't know.  I like that interpretation, though--that she has her own way of nudging the brigade in another direction.  It's something to think about while I mull over whether Tsuruya holding Asahina halfway out the window of a moving limousine is too much.  Or something like that.

Regardless of that, though, thank you both for your responses.  I admit, it's been a bit tough, trying to step back and reevaluate and come to a revised understanding of who these characters are.  I think in part I was making big leaps and stretches in an effort to insert conflict that shouldn't be there.  On the external side of things, what can pose a substantive threat to Haruhi that Kyon wouldn't play the trump card for?  Perhaps, if she's artificially restrained herself in some way (now where might that idea have come?  hm...), it's plausible, but only then.  The internal, within-the-brigade side of things has been hashed out already.

So, on the whole, I'm very appreciative of this feedback and the chance to reexamine and get things right.

[Arakawa]

So I guess even when they stopped using samovars they (and some of their descendants) got used to the idea that their tea water has to be that hot.

Interesting.

And after that discussion, I discover the existence of this scene in Nichijou:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tQzEQLuZ4Tk

I'm now trying to research what exactly "Rosshian Tii" refers to in Japanese. (Probably very strong, very hot black tea?) It does seem to correlate to my own experience drinking it...

[Muphrid]

So, this is the extension of the snippet posted above.  I think this is the point I want to end the chapter, though the Piggy planet will probably turn up later.  While I realize with the original idea I made Haruhi be too unforgiving and unwilling to understand, I admit I do fear that this version may be too far in the other direction, perhaps in a way that doesn't mesh with what's already written.  On the other hand, it can be a moment to relax and breathe after Mori and Asakura's theatrics.  So that's an aspect I'd be interested to hear about.

At any rate, since this version is a bit shorter, it actually fits entirely below.

Spoiler: ShowHide

"Yuki!"

My voice rang out clearly, for in the aftermath of Asakura's attack, the stadium was quiet—a lot quieter than fifty thousand people ever should be.  Maybe it was the shock of what'd happened.  I doubt most people could even start to understand what Asakura had done.  Hell, I didn't understand what that show of lights meant or how she made the people float out of their seats.  Was she something like me?

My gut clenched.  Just the possibility of being anything like her should make anyone sick.  I put the thought out of my mind.  Someone else stopped Asakura.  Someone else used Mikuru-chan's cap to do it.  I knew that well; I held the hat in my hands.

And I knew who I'd seen walking away on the next aisle.

"Yuki, stop!"

She must've heard me.  It was too quiet.  She couldn't have missed it.  Why won't you answer me, Yuki?

I started to go after her, back to the concession alley, but there was a scream, a commotion.  The aisles started to flood with people, scampering to leave their seats.  It was like, all of a sudden, all the fans woke from their stupor, and I wasn't halfway up the section stair before I was surrounded, bumped, and jostled from every direction.  What could I do to change that?  "Hey, everyone, stop!" I could yell.  "You have to let me through, so I can find out why this cute little bookworm girl was on the wrong side of the stadium when this other invisible girl was speared in the shoulder, okay?"  I may be commanding as a brigade chief, but getting a few hundred people to listen to you is a different matter!

At least, if you don't have powers.  I could picture Asakura grinning with the idea—that if I did something subtle, something no one would notice, all these people might stop and listen and get out of the way.  I'll be honest:  that smile of hers scares the shit out of me.  I don't want to give her what she wants.

But, on the other hand, I can't stand by and be powerless.  I can't just listen to Mori-san.  I stood around, forcing myself to do nothing.  I shouldn't have hesitated.  I should've set out to walk the fine line.

I know all that because I saw what made the spectators run from their seats.  Most of them were unhurt, it looked like.  They'd floating out of their seats far too slowly to be in danger.  I imagine you could hold yourself down and be fine—if you had something to hold on to.  If you were unlucky enough to be on the field or in an aisle—there are no handrails or anything like that, not at Kōshien...

That's why I should've done things differently.  I was afraid of myself.  I didn't want to give in to her, but I ended up doing just that.  I didn't give her everything, but she got the next best thing.

In the next aisle over, some people had stopped, forming a circle and kneeling down.  I couldn't see what they were crowding around, but I could guess.  I was torn over it.  I hoped, on the one hand, that those passers-by might be able to help that person, to bring him back so the paramedics, whenever they got here, would have a fighting chance to save him.

And on the other, I hoped he'd gone quickly, so Asakura would've missed the light in his eyes going out.


They stopped the game after the incident, leaving it unfinished in the bottom of the seventh.  All around the outside of the stadium, blue and red lights flashed.  Police officers gathered at each gate and stair, ushering those who could walk to safety.  Paramedics pushed their way through the crowd and carried out those who couldn't.  Most people couldn't wait to make a beeline for the station, but I cut across and around the stadium's perimeter.  Yuki should still have been around there somewhere.  Kyon and the others—they'd wait for me.  I tucked the other hat under my arm and started dialing my phone.

"Haruhi?"

A siren blared as an ambulance motored off.  I covered one ear with my hand and pressed the phone to the other.  "Kyon?" I began.  "Can you hear me?  Is everyone all right?"

"We're fine; everyone's fine.  What happened?  Where did you run off to?"

I winced.  Just what should I say?  That I'd found an invisible girl in the toilet and chased after her?  Okay, maybe that's a little more believable ever since I started doing impossible things myself, but then I'd have to explain it all—why Asakura was trying to manipulate me, why I didn't act to save everyone sooner.  Because I was stubborn, because I was scared, I made someone else do it for me.

Someone like Yuki.  That's what I wanted to know.  I wanted to know about Yuki.

"Haruhi?  Are you still there?"

"Is Yuki with you?" I asked.

"Nagato?  Yeah, she's here."

"When did she get back?"

"Just now?  Look, we're outside by stair twenty-two.  Tsuruya-san is getting a car for us since the bus's bound to be packed."

"Then thank Tsuruya-san for me.  Tell her we'll do ten thousand hours of service for her in return!"

" 'Ten thousand'?" he cried.  "And what kind of service?"

"But more importantly," I said, "don't let Yuki out of your sight.  That's an order!  You understand?"

"What's all this about?"

"And Kyon, I expect if you so much as skinned your elbow from what happened today, you would tell me.  A good brigade member doesn't hide any injuries from the chief.  You're not hurt at all, are you?"

"No."

"Not even a scratch?"

"I was worried about you, too, Haruhi."

My ears went a little warm.  Kyon, I'm glad you can't see me right now.

"I'm really all right.  We all are."

I let out a breath, relieved.  If any of us, the brigade of Tsuruya-san, were hurt, it'd be worse.  I know that's horrible to say out loud or write in black and white, but it's true, isn't it?  No one means as much to you as your family and friends.  I've always had family, of course, but for a long time, I thought anyone I met at school or in clubs—anyone I could possibly make friends with—wouldn't be interesting, wouldn't be worth knowing.

That's all changed in the last year.  My friends were at this baseball game with me.  They don't have to be time-travelers, aliens, espers, or sliders to be interesting.  Mikuru-chan is adorable.  Koizumi-kun's wise and agreeable.  Tsuruya-san is like another burst of energy whenever she's around.  And yes, as much as I nag on him, Kyon is Kyon—my dose of reality, of honesty that no one else can give.

That just leaves Yuki, really, and if she is the person I saw walking away from me as Asakura disappeared—no, there's no if about it, I know she is—then there's the Yuki I know...

And there's someone else—or something else—too.

I stayed on the line with Kyon until I caught up to him and the others at our entry gate.  The weather had turned a bit cool for a summer evening; I spotted Mikuru-chan with a blanket draped over her shoulders, the one we'd brought to protect from the sun.  Even though Kyon was on the line with me and Koizumi-kun was looking over the crowd, too, it was Tsuruya-san who spotted me first.

"Yo, Haru-nyan, you're okay?  That's a big relief after all this trouble.  I feel like it's my fault, getting all of you involved in this."

Like you could've guessed a psychotic alien would attack today?  Not a chance.  I told Tsuruya-san we'd be glad to tag along with her, anytime, as long as she'd have us.  We still had a summer retreat planned, didn't we?

"That's the spirit!" she cried.  "At times like this, you have to remember to treasure the days you have, you know."

Truer words have never been said.  That's why I watched the sixth member of our group as we waited for Tsuruya-san's car.  Yuki had parked herself beside Koizumi-kun like a statue, reading from her hardcover like nothing had happened.

"Well?"

I jolted.  Kyon, don't sneak up on me like that!

"If you're watching Nagato, does that mean I still have to?"

Well, if you must ask, the order has yet to be rescinded.  To disregard it would be wanton dereliction of duty!

"That armband says 'Brigade Chief,' not 'Minister of Defense.' "

Yuki's eye wandered from the pages of the green hardcover.  That's no good; we'd only spook her like this.  I pulled Kyon aside.

"Where are we—"

"Shh!" I hushed him, looking back to watch Yuki.  She wasn't watching us, but could she be listening instead?  Could she have some super hearing power?  Well, if she did, she'd already know I'd spotted her.  She hadn't done anything about it.  Either she wasn't going to, even if I told Kyon...

Or I'd be ready, just in case—more ready than I had been with Asakura.  As impossible as it is to imagine anything like that coming from Yuki...

Well, that's why someone needs to know.

"Kyon," I began, "you're going to have a hard time believing this, but just listen, okay?  I'm not making this up.  When I went to the toilet, after that woman fell, someone was waiting for me.  It was—"

"Asakura."

Yeah, it was Asa—wait, you're not supposed to know that yet!  I didn't tell you!

"It's all right," he said.  "Nagato told me everything."

Yuki told him everything.  Yuki, who wouldn't stop for me or even meet my eyes, told Kyon exactly what happened?  Why would she do that?  Wouldn't it be a shock for him, for everyone, to see Yuki running off with Mikuru-chan's hat?  With no explanation for why, and then all that...

Unless Kyon knew what Yuki was all along.

"Haruhi, look at me," he said.  "Take a minute.  Take a breath."

"What is she?" I whispered.  "A superhuman?  Genetically altered?  Is that what Asakura is, too?  That light—they're sliders, aren't they?  They took us to another dimension!"

"They're not sliders; they're aliens."

An alien.  Yuki's an alien.  She's some sort of thing, a creature bottled into human form.  Gods, if I hadn't seen that pointed metal spear sticking through Asakura's shoulder, I don't think I'd believe it now.

But what's more amazing than all that is the person who's telling me this.  Kyon, of all people, would be the last person I'd ever expect to have a secret life with aliens.  How can this be true, Kyon?  How do you know this to be true?

I asked him, and his brow furrowed.  He checked over his shoulder, at Yuki and the others.  Mikuru-chan and Tsuruya-san were talking.  Yuki was reading her book.  Koizumi-kun had a relaxed expression, standing between the three of them.  At last, with a heavy breath, Kyon faced me again.

"Haruhi," he said, "what do you remember about Tanabata four years ago?"

That Tanabata...

You'd be better off asking me what I don't remember, Kyon.  It was a muggy night.  The skies were clear.  All the preparations I'd made in advance.  I'd gone to one of the teachers during lunch, asking about a math problem, and swiped the gate key he kept on a neck chain.  After that, I'd headed to the athletic storeroom, moving what I needed—a line marker, a cart, and some lime—to the back, where no one would look.  That's because if I'd tried to steal a key from my gym teacher and got caught, I'd be in trouble.  He used to do pro wrestling, you know, and he made it clear that any lack of discipline on our part would be punished with a demonstration of his old moves.  I always thought that was pretty fishy, probably illegal even, but since no one else had been crazy enough to find out, I didn't want to be first.

Ever since I'd had that weird dream the night before, I'd started drawing up the message I wanted to send.  If there were aliens out there, watching us, it could easily take them dozens or hundreds of years to see my drawing and send a response.  They might not even realize it's there until well after the light from Earth that night had passed them by.  At any rate, I figured it had to be done right the first time.  Radio signals and skyscrapers only showed them our technology, our knowledge.  Only a few people were actually trying to get messages to the stars, and who better to aim that message to on the seventh day of the seventh month than the weaver princess and her cow-herding lover in the sky?

In hindsight, I think my message was received, just not by whom I expected to get it.  I was fully prepared to draw it all myself, to make corrections as I stepped back and gained perspective.  If I had to, I'd take all night to get it perfect, but instead, I had help.  There was a stranger at the gate that night, carrying his sister on his back.  That's the only thing I don't remember as clearly as I'd like.  In the moon- and starlight, I never saw his face that well, but we talked for some time.  He wasn't like normal people.  He saw no reason aliens, time-travelers, and espers shouldn't be everywhere.  He was from North High, and he said there were people there who sent messages to the stars, too.

After that night, I thought, if I went by North High from time to time, I might see him.  Even if I wasn't sure if his face, I should recognize him, right?  By the way he walked?  By who he hung out with and how he acted?

I never found him, though.  Maybe if I'd known more about him, I could've, but I didn't.  I just knew he had an older sister, that he went to North High, and that, on that night, he went by an alias—a pathetically obvious one at that.  It was a name that shouldn't have meant anything.

"You went to East Middle School to draw lines on the ground, didn't you?"

A blinked.  Was that guy talking to me, calling back from the past?

No, no, we were still on that street corner, surrounded by thousands of anxious souls.  And it wasn't that guy from the past whispering to me.  It was Kyon.

"A lot of people know that," I answered him.  "It's not a secret."

"But what no one knows, what you didn't tell a soul, is that someone helped you," said Kyon.  "You found him, a North High student, and you pressed him into drawing that diagram for you while you watched.  I'm right, aren't I, Haruhi?  You remember like it was yesterday: how he called out to you, after you were finished, and asked you to never forget his name."

And I didn't!  I couldn't!  I searched all over for him, yet nothing came of it.  I dreamed of the day he'd find me and ask if I remembered that summer night.

But now it's you who's telling me this, Kyon?  How can this be?  Did he tell you?  No, he wouldn't, would he?  But if he didn't—no, that doesn't make sense!  We're in the same year.  If you'd been in high school then, you should've been gone before I ever came to North High.  How can you tell me I've seen your face day in and day out for over a year now and never thought...

Is this why I felt you were familiar?  Is this why I thought I knew you but couldn't place how or where?

"Haruhi," he whispered, "do you need me to say that name?"

No—I mean, yes—I mean—

I don't know.  My heart was racing.  I stared at him, studying his face.  These are details I should know too well by now—the color of his eyes, the way his hair falls around his ears.  They are like that person's features, aren't they?  If I could remember more clearly...

I guess you need to tell me, then.  I need to hear it to be absolutely sure.  Tell me the name you used that night.

Tell me your name is John...

"And kiss her!"

Kyon and I sprang apart, my heart beating almost out of my chest.  What on Earth are you talking about, Tsuruya-san?!

"What's this?"  She tilted her head innocently.  "I thought sure Kyon-kun and Haru-nyan were having a love-love moment.  Was I wrongs?"


As it turns out, Tsuruya-san had good reasons for interrupting us.  The police had set up a perimeter around the stadium, and no private vehicles were permitted to enter.  We walked two blocks to meet her father's private car—a jet black stretch limousine.

"If you and Kyon-kun want some privacy, that can be arranged too," she whispered to me as we walked.  "Sometimes, it just takes one day to realize what's important to you in life.  I think we'd all understand."

Kyon and I aren't like that, Tsuruya-san!  I mean, it's not like I wouldn't consider it, but I don't know if he—I mean, that's not what we were talking about!

Besides, you may know him as Kyon, but he's John Smith, too.  At least, I can only assume so—unless he's John Smith pretending to be some guy called Kyon, having waited, ticking off the days until the right time...

Tsuruya-san's car sped away from the stadium, and there were more questions burning in my mind than there are protons in this universe.  I couldn't stand it—sitting there quietly with Kyon across from me, just as silent while the others were chatting away.  We were interrupted, after all.  Kyon didn't really say anything.  Whatever I thought that meant could turn out to be wrong.  If I couldn't hear him say it plainly, I'd have to make sure some other way.

I'd have to see it in black and white.

I opened my phone and started pounding at the keypad.  John Smith is my secret, after all.  I wasn't about to blurt it out for everyone to hear.

My question was simple.  Either he'd understand, or he wouldn't.  I hit send, and his phone vibrated in his pocket.  He flipped it open, scratching his temple, and looked up.  I don't know if he was surprised or uncertain or what.  Maybe it was a little weird for me to press the issue even while we were surrounded by Tsuruya-san and the rest of the brigade.  I'd waited four years to find that person, right?  What's another minute, another day?

Screw that.  He's sitting in front of me, and there's no reason to wait any longer when all I have to do is ask an easy question and hope he answers it.

I typed it in, one character at a time.  Kyon, if you're who I think you are, you know the answer right away.

"What is your name?"

He started thumbing in his response, one keypress at a time.  He looked up from time to time, acting like he was intimately involved in Tsuruya-san's story about how her ancestors survived the Great Genroku Earthquake.  It didn't take him long to answer, though, and in the dim light of the limousine, I covered my phone to keep the glow from disturbing anyone else.  The answer was there, in Roman characters so I'd be absolutely sure.

"JOHN SMITH."

That's what came up on my phone's screen, and I think I about jumped out of my seat, banging my head on the roof of the limo.

"Suzumiya-san?  Are you all right?"

That was Mikuru-chan, who blinked curiously at me like she wasn't sure how I hadn't put a hole through the roof doing all that.  Really, though, it stung, but I was fine.  They should have a sunroof or something.  Don't they have sunroofs on these things?

"It is unfortunate; I agree," said Koizumi-kun.  "The use of sunroofs is substantially reduced at night.  I think I read a study to that effect.  Perhaps, if there were a way to make the sun's rays visible even after dark.  It's conceivable a set of reflective Niven rings would do the trick."

"Then it wouldn't be dark at night," said Kyon.  "You'd do all that to make it so you can use a sunroof after dusk?"

Koizumi-kun made a face at that, like he'd been caught off-guard.  He waved it off as a momentary lapse, but I didn't mind it.  He'd actually been really helpful to me.  He proved to me that Kyon was still Kyon, even if he was John Smith, too.  If he saw something that didn't make sense, he wouldn't hesitate to speak up about it.

But how did he get to be John Smith in the first place?

I got to thumb-typing on my phone again as the conversation switched to convertibles and how Mikuru-chan had never stuck her head out a car window and gotten her hair ruffled or anything like that.  While Tsuruya-san tried to convince her to do it then and there, I sent my next message.

"So you're a time-traveler," I wrote.

Kyon got the mail and instantly shook his head.  So you're not a time-traveler?

Then he blinked, frowned, and reconsidered.  "I've traveled through time, but I needed help to do it."

If I'd had the time or the patience, I'd have mailed him back that he shouldn't send messages that demand obvious responses, but that would've taken another mail and gotten us too far down the wrong path.  I ignored it, sending back the 'obvious' response:  "From who?"

He looked to the open window.

"Tsuruya-san!"  Mikuru-chan was being dangled halfway out that open window, panting and making an Eee! noise as she breathed.  "Tsuruya-san, I can't feel my face!"

"Don't worry; dogs do it all the time," said our host.  "Here, Koizumi-kun, why don't you give me a hand holding her up?  There's plenty of room to grab on!"

Koizumi-kun's eyes widened, and he waved her off.  "I'm afraid I must politely decline..."

As Mikuru-chan finally begged Tsuruya-san to let her back in all the way, Kyon's eyes met mine.  He looked to the window and back again, hitting the point home.  The time-traveler—she had to be...

I shut my phone.  "No way," I mouthed to him.

He nodded repeatedly.

Mikuru-chan's a time-traveler?  This mousy girl beside me?

Kyon caught my baffled expression and started typing again.  "John Smith's older sister."

The sleepy narcoleptic girl?  That's right, she could've been there.  Yuki's an alien.  Mikuru-chan's a time-traveler.  What could be next?  Tsuruya-san and Koizumi-kun?  Are they sliders, then?

When I asked him that, Kyon made a face.  What's that supposed to mean?  There are no sliders anywhere?  He didn't say, of course.  His answer was much simpler.

"She's normal, as far as any of us know."

All right.

"He's an esper."

An esper?  So he could be reading our thoughts right now?

"He wasn't given that kind of power," Kyon sent back.

And who gave him what powers he does have, then?

Kyon closed his phone and looked straight at me.  The meaning was clear as day.

I did.

I put my phone away.  I looked through the tinted windows, trying to keep my eyes on the outside, on what was moving.  I know that's supposed to work for motion sickness, but we were hardly driving fast enough for anything like that.  It's not every day you find out your friends have these amazing secret lives they never could tell you about.  Just sitting there, looking out the window and listening to them talk, I wanted to jump in and stop everything.  How far in the future are you from, Mikuru-chan?  What's your home planet like, Yuki?  What kind of special powers do you have, Koizumi-kun?  That'd only scratch the surface, too, but with Tsuruya-san there, it was like we were all just ordinary high-school students on our way back home.  You'd never know the difference just by looking at us.

I felt exhausted.  Between Asakura and finding all this out from Kyon Smith here, I think all the excitement finally caught up to me.  I ran through in my head a bunch of other things I wanted to know: when Kyon must've gone back in time to meet me, why he did it, how Mikuru-chan helped, why I would've given Koizumi-kun powers, what the relationship between Yuki and Asakura was, and more, but my thoughts started drifting.  The street lights passed us by at even intervals, rhythmic and hypnotic.


Tsuruya-san's driver dropped off Mikuru-chan at her complex first, then Koizumi-kun, then Yuki.  When I asked Tsuruya-san how that could be—we'd gone around Kyon and my houses to do just that—she winked at me, claiming it was a navigational error, an honest mistake.

As we pulled up to Kyon's house, he was indifferent about it.  "My parents and sister are out of town for the weekend.  It's not like they're waiting for me to come back and tell them I'm alive.  Good night, Tsuruya-san, Haruhi."

Good night?  We can't stop right now; talking over mail messages and simple gestures isn't enough!

I jumped out of the car, ignoring Tsuruya-san's snickering.  "Are you sure I can't take you any further?" she said.

"I'll be fine," I called back.

Kyon gawked at me, eyes wide.  Tsuruya-san's limo sped away, but his gaze never wavered.

"What's this about?" he asked.

You know what this is about.  You've been holding out on me, having these adventures with aliens and time-travelers.  How interesting the tales of John Smith must be.  I bet you could fill ten or twelve books with them, right?

"Something like that," he said.  "Why?  You want me to start from the beginning?"

I shook my head.  "The beginning isn't usually the best part, is it?  I want to hear all about it, of course—every last detail, if you'll let me."

"That's kind of the idea."

"But today," I said, "if you had only one story to tell me, what would it be?  The best adventure John Smith ever had—tell me about it."

He smiled to himself, ever-so-slightly, and motioned for me to follow.  We walked the path to his door together, and with a simple turn of a key, he undid the lock.

" 'John Smith's most special adventure,' huh?  Where to begin...?"

He flipped on a light, and we kicked off our shoes, but Kyon didn't bother with getting an extra pair of slippers from the closet.  Instead, he undid the top button on his shirt.

"John Smith's powers don't just extend to space and time," he said.  "He has the ability to explore a girl's dreams."

There was a tingling on the back of my neck.

"He was curious about a girl he'd met some years before, and he found her imagination as expansive and unending as he'd ever conceived of."

I stepped forward, watching him, studying him.  Kyon's always been a little guarded.  You won't catch him cackling or with a big grin, but he smiles from time to time, and it's not forced or put-on.  He means it.

Even so, I'm not perfect at reading people.  I had to ask, just to be sure.  "You thought that was an exciting dream?" I asked.

"Absolutely.  There were white giants taller than a skyscraper, parading all about.  It was impressive, seeing a world so meticulous in detail, so close to reality, yet imbued with the dreamer's signature touch..."

Oh gods, who is this person?  Where's he been hiding, this guy who serenades a girl with romantic tales of his adventures?  This is too much, Kyon; I just found out you were John Smith today!  This poetic reverence in your voice, the look in your eyes—I don't know how much longer I can hold back against those.

Or if I even want to.

"Do I need to ask permission, Brigade Chief?" he whispered.

Permission?  Why should you ask permission?

"You might think it strange for a guy who's traveled through time to visit a girl when she was thirteen and befriend her three years later."

I'm in no mood to worry about such things right now, Kyon; this is what I've wanted for so long—to share something awe-inspiring with you and see the wonder in your eyes, except it's not what I thought it would be.  Today, it's you who's shown me something amazing, and I don't want to forget because it excites me.  It's exhilarating, this sensation, this feeling.  Every square centimeter of my skin is tingling.  If you touch me with even the tip of your finger, I don't know what'll happen.  I don't know if I'll be able to stand.

"No qualms?" he asked.  "Then this should make things a little better."  He lifted the ball cap from my head, dropping it lightly to the ground.

"You know," I said, "I do have a hair-band, if you think we'll need it."

He smiled to himself.  "No, no.  The person in front of me is just fine."  He leaned in.  His breath tickled my lips.  His fingers brushed the back of my arm, my elbow.  I closed my eyes, and—

HONK-HONK!

And while tires screeched outside the window, I hit my head on the roof of the limo for the second time that night.  I need to train myself not to do that—to jump from surprise or excitement in a motor vehicle.  It hurts.

"Let me guess," said Kyon.  "You got excited about something again?"

That's, um, nothing I want to describe in front of four other people.  I mean, not unless you're into that sort of thing, but—

I blinked.  The limo was idling.  The cabin was quiet.  Tsuruya-san and the others had disappeared.  "Where are we?" I asked.

"Kitaguchi Station.  At the very least, I had to come back and get my bike."

Bah, of course, I'd forgotten all about that.  Silly dreams.  They can be so out of touch with reality.  "What about the others?"

He pointed outside.  Through the window, Tsuruya-san was keeping the rest of the brigade entertained with stories.

"I asked her to give us a minute," said Kyon.  "She was all too happy to oblige."

"So you were watching me sleep?" I asked.

He looked away.

"You didn't draw on my face, did you?"

He snorted.  "We've had this conversation before, Haruhi.  No, I just figured the brigade chief hadn't yet given her members permission to adjourn—that if she still had business with them..."

Business with the brigade, huh?  I did have some things I wanted to say.  There's been a lot to take in, and maybe it wouldn't be a crime to rest and sleep, to come back tomorrow with fresh eyes and a clear head.

But that's not how Suzumiya Haruhi does things.  Tsuruya-san was right; there's no time like the present.  I don't want to go another second without knowing all of you.  I don't want to go another minute before I meet everyone again.

With a deep breath, I stepped out of the limousine and shielding my eyes to adapt to the light.

And there they were—my friends, yet I felt like I'd only begun to know them.  Yuki closed her book, looking back at me.  Koizumi-kun gave a small nod of respect.  Mikuru-chan put her hands together in front of her, standing tall.

"Ah, she's awake!" cried Tsuruya-san, rushing over to peer at me.  "Did you have good dreams, Haru-nyan?"

I did, but it wasn't reality, and reality is what I want to find today.  "Tsuruya-san," I said, "thanks for inviting us, even though things turned out badly.  I think we'll be all right from here."

"Oh, I see what's doing—private SOS Brigade business, right?  Okies.  Mikuru, call me!"

As Kyon ambled up behind me, Tsuruya-san climbed back into the limo and winked at us.  The door shut, and she took off, the limousine disappearing into the night.  There we were—the SOS Brigade—but I felt like I should introduce myself to them.  We weren't the same group that'd met that afternoon.  I was sure of that.

"Guys," I said to them, "Kyon's told me some things, but I get the feeling there's a lot left to talk about.  I know it's been a long day, but..."

"Perhaps we could sit down at the café?" Koizumi-kun suggested, looking a bit too amused with himself.  "I think that would be an appropriate venue to revisit past events."

"So Kyon-kun did tell Suzumiya-san about us after all?"  Mikuru-chan wrung her hands.  "But then this is really unknown territory to me.  What might happen now is highly classified information; I don't know if I'm supposed to be the one dealing with things like this..."

"Whether we're the ones meant to be here or not, the task falls to us," said Kyon.  "Shall we go?"

Yeah.  Let's go together.  I want to have tea with a time-traveler.  I want to have a conversation with an esper entirely in my mind.  I want to hear alien languages and see their bizarre forms.  I've probably done at least a couple of these things already, not even knowing it, and that's what excites me.  That's what's amazing.  Looking in a large glass window from the storefront beside us, I glimpsed our reflections.  We walked together, a parade of the most interesting people on this planet, whether they were exotic creatures or not.  That's undeniably cool, except...

"Haruhi?"  Kyon pressed his lips together, stifling a laugh.  "What's the problem?"

The problem was there were black marker lines all over my forehead and cheeks.  "Kyon," I said, "you really did draw on my face!"


It took ten minutes for me to rub off all the marker.  Kyon laid the blame squarely on Tsuruya-san, insisting that no one else had anything to do with it, but Yuki pointed out that Mikuru-chan had been persuaded to join in as well.  It was Koizumi-kun who said the most interesting thing, though.  When I came back from the toilet, finding our drinks at the table, I realized I must've taken longer than I'd thought.  That's when he said it:

"Truthfully, I'm surprised you used paper and water to do the job instead of wiping the ink away with your powers.  Perhaps it's a small act, but I think it an act providing marvelous insight.  My colleagues would be most interested to hear of this."

Colleagues, Koizumi-kun?

"If they're anything like this guy," Kyon began, "then they're the kind of people who, if Professor Freud told them that sometimes a cigar really is a cigar, they might not believe it on the first go."

"Ah, but Professor Freud may never have made that statement," Koizumi-kun asserted.  "Hence, I find it curious you would deflect the possibility of insight into Suzumiya-san's mind.  Perhaps you feel you already understand her quite well?"

Kyon sighed, looking at me.  "You see what I've had to deal with?"

I didn't quite understand then, but I picked up a few things over the course of that night.  I learned.  I learned that Koizumi-kun fancied himself a philosopher of sorts, speculating that I was everything from a cosmic creature left to maintain this universe to God Himself, and it wasn't Kyon who disagreed with him—at least, he wasn't the one most vehement in doing so.

"How could Suzumiya-san even exist if she created this world?" asked Mikuru-chan.  "Why would she make a universe With all the details and history you remember, out of all the possibilities?"  She shook her head confidently.  "In the future, we find that idea very implausible.  This world has always been here.  Somehow, Suzumiya-san developed or was given her power, but there is a well-defined time before that event."

"A time you cannot reach," Koizumi-kun pointed out, "and hence cannot be certain really exists."

"But of course it—"  Mikuru-chan stopped, looking at me nervously.  "I mean, why should it not?  You may have to take my word for it, Koizumi-kun.  The details I'd use to prove it all seem to be classified..."

Koizumi-kun wasn't satisfied with that, though, and the two of them went back and forth for a time, with Yuki jumping in only when Kyon asked for her opinion to settle the debate.

There was one thing they all agreed with, though—or at least, they were too cautious to rule it out.  I may not have created this world.  Perhaps I couldn't irrevocably change it in a way that would be felt ten or a hundred or a thousand years from now, but if I grew dissatisfied enough with it, if I wanted to escape to another realm, another place, it was possible.  I could do that.  Maybe the exact nature of that act wasn't well-understood, but I'd done it before.  Kyon knew it, too.

That was the day he used fairy tales to save the world.  He wasn't so crass about it as to say what he'd done, not in front of the others, but the meaning was clear:  he kissed me to save the world, and whatever else he might've felt...

Well, I should be fair.  That was just one incident out of many where the brigade did things to keep me from getting angry, to appease me, to keep this world exactly the way it was.  Faced with the possibility, however remote, that it could be replaced with something utterly foreign and strange, I don't know if I'd have done any differently.  I can think up totally bizarre and alien universes—ones where space has only a forward and back, but time is like a plane, where future and past have a left and right, too.  I don't know what would've happened if I'd become so possessed with realizing that kind of idea.  Maybe it's best that none of us know.

But it's weird and unsettling—to hear how your memories of being with people don't really tell the whole truth.  Over the course of that night, I heard so many stories.  Those few days I spent at Kyon's bedside last December, waiting for him to wake up?  They didn't happen.  Traipsing around an empty mansion in a snowstorm?  That did.  We made a movie, and without even realizing it, I turned those colored contacts for Mikuru-chan into deadly laser beams and razor cutters.  It made me feel like a bitch, honestly, knowing what I put everyone through.

"That only goes so far, Haruhi," Kyon assured me.  "You didn't know, and we didn't tell you."

That's right; you guys didn't tell me because I gave you no reason to, no reason to think I was anything but a dangerous, selfish little girl.  Even now, with what Asakura did, what Mori-san said to me, you guys just have to do this, not knowing if I'd take it well or badly or what.

"You're a different person now," said Kyon.  "When we talked it over, trying to figure out how to tell you, we all agreed—compared to the girl we met at the beginning of last year, the Haruhi of today would understand better why we've done what we've done, why we've kept things to ourselves for so long."

That's what Kyon said, and the others clearly had followed his lead.  Through every story and explanation I heard that night, Kyon was at the center of things.  The others went to him for help when they needed it, and he relied on their powers, their expertise, to get through all the weird events that swirled around me.  When he spoke, the others listened, and they seldom explained or elaborated on what he said.  They never contradicted him.  I may have been leader of the brigade, but Kyon was in charge of something very different—an alliance, I guess, of paranormal beings, all working to keep the world safe from something more powerful than all of them.

But that wasn't why we'd gathered.  Kyon's purpose in telling me what I was and what I could do was to protect me from the Entity that was both Yuki and Asakura's master; from Mori-san, who worked with Koizumi-kun but represented, in his words, "the element of our organization that believes the worst about Suzumiya-san and felt the only way to ensure the status quo was to frighten her into submission."

When the café staff started wiping down the tables and the neon sign in front flickered out, Kyon finished the last of his cup and looked squarely at me.  "Whatever those people try to do to you from now on, Haruhi, remember this:  they can't touch you.  They can't threaten you or intimidate you or anything else.  You have the power to change what they say even before it comes out of their mouths.  You have the power, as Moir-san said, to erase someone whose intentions are a danger to you or any of us in the brigade.  This is the power we've been reluctant to give you—no, this is the power I've been reluctant to give you, but now you have it.  Use it sparingly.  Use it wisely.  Don't be afraid, though."  He gestured to the others.  "None of us would be here if we thought you couldn't handle it."

With that, we adjourned.  The SOS Brigade would still meet like always.  We five were spectacular people, but that didn't mean we couldn't hang out after school and plan the search for other mysteries in this world.  In that, not much had changed.  I knew that well when Kyon took out his wallet and started counting the bills need to pay.

"Kyon," I said, "what are you doing?"

"It's tradition, isn't it?"  He thumbed the bills between his fingers, squinting.  "You know, this is what happened the first time.  We were at that table over there, and I said, 'Haruhi, you won't believe this, but it's the truth.  Asahina-san's a time-traveler, Koizumi an esper, Nagato an alien.' "

That's right; I remember that day now, about a year ago.  I stormed out because I thought Kyon was mocking me.  I thought no one would say such things unless they meant to mock me because, well, it couldn't be true.  It wouldn't be so easy.

How stubborn a girl can be when she thinks the world is so dull a place that nothing she wants will come true.  I didn't believe Kyon then.  I didn't even give him a chance to explain.

I took the check with our total for the evening and pushed Kyon's money across the table, into his lap.

"What's this?" he asked me.

It's payment with interest, you might say.  It's my gratitude to you guys for being here, for being willing to explain and recount what's happened—the bad along with the good.

I left a two-thousand-yen note on the table.  "Guys," I said, "thank you."


When I made it home that night, my father welcomed me back, not knowing I'd even gone to Kōshien, but word of what'd happened was already on the news and the net.

"Sounds like something out of a science-fiction story," said Father, reading the article on his laptop as he worked in the main room.  "People floating out of their seats, strange lights—oh, here, look.  There are even rumors about a girl walking away from the scene with a piece of metal sticking through her body.  I think perhaps people have had too much to drink at these games."

And only you'd still be working over your computer as it nears eleven o'clock on a Saturday night, Father.  Your daughter was away all afternoon.  Didn't you consider taking Mother out to dinner?

"Oh, no no, she's upstairs scribbling away at her notebook.  In that way, your mother and I are very much alike.  We embrace our passions at home.  When I left her earlier, she was babbling away about some nine-tailed fox that offers naÏve little girls their greatest wishes in exchange for contracts or some such.  I couldn't follow it.  If the demon grants you any wish when you make a pact with it, why not make a wish to change the system?"

That's exactly what happens in the end, Father.

"And if the trend of things is the same these days, it probably takes all of a season of television for anyone to figure that out."  He shook his head.  "This is why I stick to things that are eminently practical and logical."

Are you arguing with people on the Internet about which text editor is better again?

He pulled the laptop lid toward him, shielding the screen from me.  That was fine.  We all have our weaknesses.  Me, I'd hid that Tigers cap behind my back as soon as Father asked me about the game.  I snuck up to my room tossed it aside, and it landed on my bed upside-down, Mikuru-chan's initials plain as day.  The ink had bled into the fabric, the borders broken and ill-defined.  I think Mikuru-chan and I got our caps mixed up, maybe at the café.  Clearly, being turned into a spear to stop Asakura hadn't done this hat any favors, but it was useful, in its own way.  It told me I had unfinished business with someone.  Kyon showed faith in me, telling me about John Smith and everything else.  He and the others, despite their reservations, let me know about myself.  They didn't want me to feel threatened from Mori-san or Asakura, and that's enough for me.

But not for them.  If not for Yuki saving the others from Asakura today...

On my desk was the hundred-yen coin.  I took it in my hand.  I felt the faces between my fingers—the contours of the metal, the reeded edge.  John Smith's faith in me was that I could use my powers wisely.

I won't let you down, Kyon.  And I won't let dangerous people like Asakura or Mori-san threaten you, either.  The message has to be sent—today, and not one day later. 

I closed my fist over the coin and disappeared from sight.