[Haruhi] Gaming

[Anastasia]

Now, see, there is a role model you should look up to! A younger sister should be like a cat -- just as cute, but far more quiet. If her outbursts were restrained to purring in contentment and the occasional quiet mewl, could I complain that much?

I feel horrible for laughing at this line.

Nice chapter, though it did feel entirely like setup. Nothing wrong with that. I do have to second Grahf - it's fun but it's hard to say much about. It's not bad, just fun and stands on its own merits.

[Brian]

Alright -- thanks for the feedback.  I think I need to figure out how to make the next chapter a bit less fluff and more engaging, but it's good to know I'm at least not doing awfully. :D

[Brian]

Another chapter, added to the first post.  Hmm, pacing is a bit slower than I'd planned.  The first arc (of four) is probably going to run another chapter or two.  Hopefully the others will go a bit faster.

As always, feedback on everything (especially Sasaki's characterization) is appreciated. :)

[JonBob]

It does seem to be building up a bit, but it's a nice taste of action and an interesting conversation.

Spoiler: ShowHide

Oh Yuki, putting so much effort (or is it really effort?) into the dice rolls... Also, I am greatly amused at Haruhi actually shooting Kyon. His reactions to Asahina are pretty good as well. His character seems incredibly laid back, and i'm not sure how much of that is being in-character and how much of that is Kyon himself, but it's fine either way.

As for the walk back, it's pretty interesting, but it seems a lot like skirting around an issue and trying to keep it over Kyon's head. Honestly, the gist of it seems to be that merely being around someone influences and changes both parties. In this case, it seems like they were circling around the idea of how much Kyon had changed each of them.

As for Sasaki herself, it seems fairly in-character, but that's from half-remembered text of the later novels.

[Brian]

Thanks for the comments, JonBob.

Spoiler: ShowHide

I hoped the Yuki bit would be fun.  Having Haruhi shoot Kyon's character (I thought) was a good advantage to have a humorous bit, but also show off Kyon's generally laid-back nature and a clear reminder of the separation between reality and game.  The fic has a lot of potential to be boring, so things like that give me a chance to make it more humorous and (hopefully) fun.

You grasped the essence of what Haruhi and Sasaki were discussing, but neither of them actually intended it to go over Kyon's head -- Haruhi actually specifically told him to keep thinking about it and figure it out.  I could probably revise that a bit if it's not clear enough -- I posted this chapter pretty much as soon as I was done with that scene, whereas everything before the walk had gotten a chance for slightly more polish.

Glad to hear that Sasaki's working!

[GeshronTyler]

Well, I'm enjoying this so far.  I find the switching between "in character" and "out of character" interesting, with the way most "players" are really just doing "self inserts" with a fantasy veneer. ^_^  That's at least the way the Brigade and Sasaki's characters "in game" and "in story" come across.  The way Sasaki and Haruhi seem to be carefully working out how they feel about each other and their connection to Kyon provides a lot of amusement, especially when they're on the same wavelength, as on the subject of summer homework. ^_^
I like Yuki's "in character" comments after the first goblin battle, as she chides Haruhi for injuring Kyon's Bard in the heat of battle.  I wonder, could this be a sign of growing assertiveness stemming from the events of "Disappearance?"  With at least 3 people who are able to influence reality/probability sitting around that table, I wonder if we'll see some more interesting dice shenanigans?  Well, since Yuki has gotten the hint, she may prevent Haruhi and Sasaki from unconscious meddling as well. 

So far, the two people one might have expected to be striking more sparks appear to be taking care not to cause a fuss.  Haruhi and Sasaki are both determined to get along with the other after all, and both seem to be avoiding pushing for dominance.  We'll see how that works out as the study and game session continue.  It would seem that the chance of something "supernatural" occuring should Haruhi get too involved in the game with Sasaki in the party.  Unless, Sasaki deliberately tries to get into the spirit of make believe, and relax her stance on rationality.  Hmm, something like "Jumanji" happening?   =P

[Dracos]

Hum. 

*finishes chapter 0*

Sudden start.

hum.

*reads  chapter 1*

*finishes*

Hmm.

I admit, the way the scenes flow makes it hard for me to stay focused.  Once it gets passed the Sasaki scene, it becomes easier, but areas before there feel floaty, like they're just starting and finishing in a void.  In a sense, the clearest scene in a way is the last one.

This though is not useful feedback, so you should discard it.  Nyu.

[Brian]

Well, I'm enjoying this so far.  I find the switching between "in character" and "out of character" interesting, with the way most "players" are really just doing "self inserts" with a fantasy veneer. ^_^  That's at least the way the Brigade and Sasaki's characters "in game" and "in story" come across.  The way Sasaki and Haruhi seem to be carefully working out how they feel about each other and their connection to Kyon provides a lot of amusement, especially when they're on the same wavelength, as on the subject of summer homework. ^_^

I'm aiming for the players' characters to basically be like them because they're new to RP -- from what I recall, most first characters go along that line.  Sasaki's not much RPing yet, either, but then again, unlike most games, they were assigned their characters and backstories.  I also didn't want to force a reader to learn an entirely new cast for the game, so....  >_>;;

There are some tradeoffs there, yeah.  My hope is to balance that out with the mostly slice-of-life/slower-paced drama and character interactions.  Sasaki and Haruhi are kind of key, as you point out.

So far, the two people one might have expected to be striking more sparks appear to be taking care not to cause a fuss.  Haruhi and Sasaki are both determined to get along with the other after all, and both seem to be avoiding pushing for dominance.  We'll see how that works out as the study and game session continue.  It would seem that the chance of something "supernatural" occuring should Haruhi get too involved in the game with Sasaki in the party.  Unless, Sasaki deliberately tries to get into the spirit of make believe, and relax her stance on rationality.  Hmm, something like "Jumanji" happening?   =P

Actually, of this story's goals, one of them is to poke fun at every other 'Haruhi picks up a tabletop RPG' story I've read.  All of those go to the idea of Haruhi turning the game into reality.  As interesting as a Haruhi/Guardians of the Flame fusion may be, that's a bit too gritty, and it's been done a lot anyway.  Instead, there won't be a 'and the fantasy overtakes reality' bit, and the story will focus on the second goal:

Role playing games as a tool of character growth.  I think it's got a lot of potential, so that's where I'm primarily going to be focusing.

Thanks for the feedback!  :)

Drac: We'll chat in meatspace over dinner on that one, if you're up to it later. :p

[Anastasia]

I like this chapter a lot, as well as all the little touches of in character versus out of character actions.  I particularly like how Nagato stood up to Haruhi and lectured her IC, and navigated the consequences OOC. That was an inspired bit of meta juggling.

I wonder if the IC powers and perceptions of the characters may bleed into the real world thanks to Haruhi. Those lines about Kyon's perceptions planted that seed in my head as I read.

[Brian]

Excellent.  Thanks for the feedback, Ko.  I'm really trying to play on the IC/OCC interactions -- and character interactions in general -- so that working is awesome.

As far as Kyon's perceptions, he's generally more perceptive than he lets on.  If there is bleed-over, it won't be from Haruhi's power, but to (again :p) show RP as a tool for character growth.


Consider this an anthem to counter the classic Jack Chick tract. :)

[Brian]

Another chapter in the first post.  Trying to see if WAFFY friendship building escapism can overpower the depression!

...if not, I'll be writing a serious bummerfic later to try and excise those stupid feelings. ._.;

[Anastasia]

Nice update overall. It's a bit slow moving, but it's fine as long as you accept what this story is about. Now that you've established them knowing the basics of the game world, I'd recommend making further snippets about it worthwhile. Character growth, genre jokes, that sort of thing. Make the story snippets count, yeah?

The bits with Sasaki and Kyon early on were by far the most interesting parts of the chapter. I really liked how they went back and forth. It's an interesting contrast with Haruhi, one I feel doesn't favor her. Maybe it's own tastes biasing my point of view, but right now Sasaki seems way more likeable than Haruhi.

Was Koizumi being late plot relevant at all or unrelated?

I can't wait to see how they'll deal with character death or a TPK. That'll be something to see.

[Brian]

Thanks for the feedback, Ko!

When you talk about the story snippets, do you mean the in-game bits, or the out-of-game bits?

Hmm....  I don't want the story to 'favor' Haruhi or Sasaki over the other.  I want Sasaki to come across as more demure and reserved, and Haruhi as energetic and gung-ho -- but both of them to be likable.

Koizumi's lateness was just happenstance; thought that'd be a fun 'slice-of-life' aspect to have it happen and not be a huge deal.  Heh, TPK.  :p  Well, we'll see how that goes.

Thanks again for the feedback!

[JonBob]

At the beginning, Kyon mentions thinking too much about Haruhi's and Sasaki's conversation, but then the next part re-hashes that. Is it one incident or two?

Also, unsure what this says about the chapter or me, but I get to somewhere around the middle then i'm at the end, so there's some TIME KOMPRESSION goin' on there (or it just flows fast). I think that yeah, having the actual RP sessions be a bit less wordy, and i'm still waiting for when we get to the prologue.

As for the character interactions, Sasaki seems quite cheerful, Haruhi seems normal, but Kyon seems to be a bit less distracte by Mikuru than normal. Like, there's the 'carrot and stick' line, but that seems to be the extent of his distraction by her. Overall, though, I do like the casual inclusion of Sasaki into the group.

[Brian]

Hmm, the part where he mentions their conversation and rehashes it....  I'm not sure what you mean?  The first scene is him dwelling on it, which follows from the previous chapter.  The next is Sasaki waking him up, which mirrors when Haruhi went to wake him.

And Kyon hasn't been paying as much attention to Mikuru.  I ... could revise that and have Mikuru distract him a bit, but I'm wondering if it's okay to say that Sasaki/Haruhi interactions have been distracting him?

Beyond that -- enjoying writing Sasaki and the gang.  She's a fun character; wish we could have seen more of her (and ... in a more positive light than, 'let me do the mental heavy lifting, Kyon').