[Haruhi] In Your Dreams

[Halbarad]

Penultimate chapter! Thought this would be the last one, but it ended up running a little longer than expected.

[Empyrean]

Not a whole lot of feedback, but here area couple of things I noticed. I probably missed some things because I was distracted by reading the chapter itself. :)

Eight hours by train from Nishinomiya to Aomori, then another two hours on a local line from Aomori to Okinomiya -- the closest city we could reach via public transportation, where we spent the night last night.

This seems a little odd because the clarification is opened with an em dash, but closed with a comma. I'd use an em dash to open and close.

"I should make her put her proper pajamas off, but I don't want to make her stay up any longer if she's so worn out,"

s/off/on

[Halbarad]

Not a whole lot of feedback, but here area couple of things I noticed. I probably missed some things because I was distracted by reading the chapter itself. :)

Thanks regardless. Feedback's been kind of light in general of late. =P

Eight hours by train from Nishinomiya to Aomori, then another two hours on a local line from Aomori to Okinomiya -- the closest city we could reach via public transportation, where we spent the night last night.

This seems a little odd because the clarification is opened with an em dash, but closed with a comma. I'd use an em dash to open and close.

This was... I was...

You know, I don't think I have any idea what I was thinking when I wrote this? o_o

Eight hours by train from Nishinomiya to Aomori, then another two hours on a local line from Aomori to Okinomiya -- the closest city we could reach via public transportation -- which is where we spent the night last night.

Other note is fixed as well, but I'm too lazy to quote it out. =P

[Halbarad]

And last chapter done and (finally) posted. Thanks to everyone that's been following and feeding back!

[Specular]

Amazing job. Thanks a lot for the story!


Just two typos to report:

Spoiler: ShowHide

most ofour friends' bosses really are jerks

"ofour" -> "of our"

"Come on, doens't anyone else have anything to say?"

"doens't" -> "doesn't"

[JonBob]

C&C cartridges loaded!

Spoiler: ShowHide

Seem like they like you to me,

Seems to me that they like you?

We were only hardly introduced last night, right?"

We were barely introduced last night, right?

his cousins have all been cooped up inside almost the entire last week straight

A bit awkward, a lot of modifications (inside, almost, entire, last week, straight)

there's no teasing in this, now, and I swallow at the serious gaze she's giving me

Maybe remove the first comma?

There are plenty of places nearby, but in the rain....

Wait, is it raining or are you referring to since it's been raining?

Well, she'd figured out Asahina-san, so steel myself.

Missing an "I"?

But I've learned to not let what I've learned

Repeat of learned

This chapter feels a little incomplete, like there's no additional fallout from the revelations or shifts in the group dynamic (sequel? epilogue?). Also the talk with Rika seems to have been brought up, but nothing really done with it. Other than that, pretty enjoyable.

[Halbarad]

Thanks for the feedback. Not calling out line-by-line since a. most of them are straight typo fixes and b. I forgot to record the changes as I made them. =P