[Haruhi/TVtropes] Kyon: Big Damn Hero

[Brian]

Suggest _had_ instead of _was_ or drop it altogether.

Will drop.  Also think that 'a lot' should be switched to something more Nagato-like from her PoV, too.

Thanks for catching that! :D

[Edward]

Chapter 28


"In this instance," she answered, turning to look at Mikuru, wondering if the time traveler would be able to sense her regret, "I must defer to your judgement."

"your _judgment_"

In that regard, she calculated that she prefered clothing that was easy to wear. 

"she _preferred_ clothing"

"Yes," she answered, while the time traveler waved off an attendant and stopped at a display of shorts, not far from a racks of blouses.

"a _rack_ of blouses"

She calculated how long that would take, determining that it wasn't going to be feasible without missing school, and most likely the movie that the clothes were being aquired in preparation for.  Surely the time traveler had some algorythm or methodology that she hadn't yet determined herself....

"clothes were being _acquired_"

"some _algorithm_"


Unable to answer the question, and aware of Mikuru's growing aprehension as she watched, Yuki finally tried something she had considered, but not attempted before, outside of occasional attempts at humor.

"growing _apprehension_"

It was difficult enough to choose a phone -- just like identifying an item on a restaraunt menu as desirable. 

"_restaurant_" (And throughout the chapter.)

"I do not ... like this," she said, tugging at the ruffle.  "It is unneccessary."

"_unnecessary_"

She wondered if that qualified as a real opinion, or just a judgement that she didn't like to spend more time dressing than required.

"_judgment_"  (And through the rest of the chapter.)

Sasaki exhibited several mostly concealed stress cues; her eyes continually flicked to the girl at her side, and she shifted her shoulders an almost imperceptable distance.

"_imperceptible_"

More subtle cues hinted at barely concealed anger; her slightly stiff movements, her overemphasized steps, and a shift in stance towards agression.

"_aggression_"

"W...what do you want?" Mikuru asked, struggling to keep the aprehension from her voice.

"_apprehension_"

They had gone into one of the storefronts, and with a suddeness that Yuki determined must be Kuyou's data manipulation (or some other effect that appeared very like data manipulation), they had abruptly vanished from her awareness.

"_suddenness_"

"That's right," Shinobu agreed.  "Your father was very insistant."

"_insistent_"

She didn't even know her father had comissioned such a thing! 

"_commissioned_"

"Ah, quite well," Yuuto aknowledged, seeming to become slightly more grounded at the reminder of his job.

"_acknowledged_" And throughout.

Kyon's father's face lit up, while his mother merely looked puzzled -- but distracted from looking embarassed, so that was something.

"_embarrassed_"

"Usui Sadamitsu," Kyon's mother said, her eyes evidently sharper than her husband's. 

Interesting.

"Wasn't Usui Sadamitsu's real name, er ... wasn't she actually named 'Taira no Tadamichi'?" Kyon asked hesitantly, his voice hushed in the great room.

She?

Was that what all of the production and extravegant dressing up was for?

"_extravagant_"

"I just don't want it to turn out that Kyon's not decended from this lineage, and then the whole deal being thrown out."

"_descended_"

  "I am grateful to recieve this," he aknowledged, with the usual formula, bowing his head as he tucked it into his greatcoat's inner pocket.

"_receive_"

But then, that wouldn't be apropriate in business matters....

"_appropriate_"

As her sometimes bodyguard, advisor, and now fiance, he was pretty sure he would completely fail all roles if he just let her end her life in such a way.

Heh.

Maybe he should try and spend some time with Kanae, and avoid all of the unintended romance that seemed to be cropping up.

Whahahaha!

"She's going to be upset enough ... probably best not to exascerbate things by going straight to school while she's waiting for me."

"not to _exacerbate_"

After all, he had armor and force fields; he'd survive probably almost twice as long.

Heh.

He couldn't quite help but feel aprhensive about things, though.

"_apprehensive_"


That was a more than adequate sendoff.  Like his legendary samurai ancestor, he should embrace his death with nobility.

Heh.

The green haired girl produced an SD card and set it on the desk by the mouspad.

"_mousepad_"

"My plan is not to take Kyon-kun away from you," Tsuruya said insistantly.

"_insistently_"

Softly closing her manga and setting it down, Yuki added, "I also think so."

Whahahaha!

Haruhi yelped, pointing an accusing finger at the club's resident book worm and silent character.

"_bookworm_"

"That is probable.

Heh.

Yuki nodded solemly.

"_solemnly_"

[Brian]

[numerous spelling errors]

Oops. >_<

I failed on that count; thank you for the sharp eye for spelling. :p

And yes, Usui Sadamitsu was the one female among Raiko's retainers (I only discovered this recently).

Thanks especially for the comments; sorry I forgot to spellcheck! XD

[Edward]

And yes, Usui Sadamitsu was the one female among Raiko's retainers (I only discovered this recently).

First I'd heard of it. I've seen anime where Riako, Kintaro, or Urabe Suetake were female, but never Sadamitsu.

[Brian]

First I'd heard of it. I've seen anime where Riako, Kintaro, or Urabe Suetake were female, but never Sadamitsu.

You know, it's entirely possible my sources are wrong.  Would not be a first time. :p

AND ... a significantly belated chapter 31 is up. :3

[Brian]

Chapter 32, now up.

Man.  This fic is huge.

[Edward]

Chapter Twenty Nine: Night at the Movies


Well, Kyon, I am one you can turn to who is knowledgeably in these things!

"who is _knowledgeable_"

"Is sanity among them?" Kunikida asked, picking at his lunch.

Heh.

I said I would trust your judgement in Suzumiya-san related matters, and I still do, but I feel more confident in you when I am certain you have all of the information.

"judgment"

When she was bored, he might find an opportunity to watch her, but today there was going to be no way observe her subtly.

"no way _to_ observe"

She couldn't help herself; she snapped a picture of him.

Heh.

"You should put your hair up in a ponytail when you go out with Kyon tonight!  It's at least plus five versus Kyon!"

Heh.

She ducked her head and blushed, satisfied for the moment.  He didn't disaprove.... 

"disapprove"

[Edward]

Chapter Thirty: Day at the Beach (part one)


"He'd gotten himself entangled in an engagement with Tsuruya, some undefinable situation with Yuki involving frequent make-out sessions, another equally undefinable situation with Haruhi involving something quite similar, and now, he'd just admitted that as much as he should have enjoyed what he had going on with three adorable girls, he really liked Mikuru, too."

undefinable -> indefinable

Kasai scratched the back of his neck and coughed quietly.  "Well," he said, apologetically, "I actually shouldn't swim here because of a ... skin condition."

Heh. Nice touch.

"Look for sea monsters, mermaids -- that sort of thing!"

Kyon: Isn't it a bit late for crossing this with My Bride is a Mermaid?


"Useless, unitegrated...."

_unintegrated_

[Edward]

Chapter Thirty One: Day at the Beach (part two)

"The high top of the sea-facing cliff sloped gradually down as the land sloped up, and shortly before the beach ended entirely, at the beach front road, Haruhi leaped without hesitation into the brush."

the _beachfront_ road

"With that, and no more warning, she shoved him off the edge of the cliff."

Whahaha!

"He desperately hoped so, as dozens of boulders larger than him suddenly flew free of the steep slope on the north side of the beach, helpfully slamming into the sand and creating barriers."

Suggest dropping "hopefully".

"The body itself, probably a meter high and two meters around was an ovid, shaped somewhat like a teardrop with the pointed end being the glowing weapon barrel.

ovid -> ovoid

Unless the Roman poet was particularly spherical. ^_^

"Koizumi rolled his eyes as Kyon dove to yet another barrier, taking cover in the nick of time a blast melted his former hiding place into slag."

_as_ a blast

Suggest dropping "in the nick of time"

" ...and it was taking a very long time to fall, wasn't it?"

Heh. Failed his perception roll.

"He stared with confusion as the boulders Haruhi had levitated were defensively vaporized by the robot as they shot toward it, one-by-one."

Suggest dropping "defensively".

"With more resistance than a shinjin, but not enough considering the thing's spindly limbs, he severed the three on the thing's left side and shot past it, curving away."

What is a shinjin?

"I'll check on Kane-chan, you help Haruhi get down here,"

Kanae-chan

"Kasai suddenly snorted, then coughed, covering his mouth with one hand and dislodging a good portion of the san pile he was buried beneath as he tried very hard to hide a grin."

_sand_ pile


"This was easily her favorite dream, despite the less important details being off."

Heh.

"So, she reached up and kissed him."

Hah!

"The outside world with Koizumi staring at her in amazement and Haruhi silently yelling at her began to melt away, and—"

Hah!

"You know, Kyon, I did say you'd need a lot of tools, but I didn't intend to turn you into a lombax!"

A lombax?

"I just stood around and made clever remarks, like mentioning that I did get a weapon that is similar to, but probably legally distinct from a light-saber,"

Whaha!

"My luminosity curves to the well of his being; his presence quells the voids in the fabric of my awareness," Kuyou said

Interesting.

[Edward]

Chapter Thirty Two: Debriefing


"Somehow, sparking up a discussion on eighth century zen koans didn't sound mentally relaxing enough to him, so he turned his attention back to Yuki."

Heh.


"  Seeming aware of his gaze, her eyes swung to meet his, and he gaged that she seemed irritated or unsettled."

gaged -> gauged

"I wish it could be more than just empty words, but, if there's anything I can do for you, let me know," he told her."

Yuki: The title of this episode is Debriefing.
Kyon: And?
Yuki: I tend to be very literal minded.


"I'm older than yous by eighteen months," she reminded him, wishing that admission didn't make her feel like some naughty older woman preying on Kyon's relative innocence.

I thought she was only a year ahead of him in school.

"In a way, the look actually reminded Kanae of her sempai.  Haruhi looked concerned and protective, but somehow, strangely confident."

confidant

[Brian]

Chapter Twenty Nine: Night at the Movies

Yay!  Feedback! :D

"who is _knowledgeable_"

"judgment"

"no way _to_ observe"

"disapprove"

Used all of your corrections; sorry about the delay in replying, but thanks for taking the time to comment! :3

undefinable -> indefinable

Kyon: Isn't it a bit late for crossing this with My Bride is a Mermaid?

Haha, I do enjoy that series, though! :D

_unintegrated_

Oops. :p

"He desperately hoped so, as dozens of boulders larger than him suddenly flew free of the steep slope on the north side of the beach, helpfully slamming into the sand and creating barriers."

Suggest dropping "hopefully".

Wait, that's not hopefully -- that's 'helpfully'.

"The body itself, probably a meter high and two meters around was an ovid, shaped somewhat like a teardrop with the pointed end being the glowing weapon barrel.

ovid -> ovoid

Unless the Roman poet was particularly spherical. ^_^

It's entirely possible!
Ovid: Untrue!  Our cuizine was not that great.
Drat.  I was going to go off on a tangent and introduce classic roman and greek poets as the main villains ... a twist like that has never been seen before!
The cast of Escaflowne: ....
...right.  Fixing the typo.

Suggest dropping "in the nick of time"

Done!

Suggest dropping "defensively".

Done!

What is a shinjin?

Shinjin is the original word used for 'Celestial' or 'Avatar' -- the big blue spirit thingies in closed space that smash things apart.  I needed to capitalize it for consistency.

Kanae-chan

Oops!

_sand_ pile

Got it. :3

"You know, Kyon, I did say you'd need a lot of tools, but I didn't intend to turn you into a lombax!"

A lombax?

Lombaxes are a made up race in the Rachet and Clank universe.  They're what Rachet it; they-re humanoid tool builders/users, and the one you play as tends to collect an _awful_ lot of weapons and tools ... though, the practicality of some of their inventions are questionable:

Rachet: Oh, come on, there's no way a Lombax would invent something THAT ridiculous.
Clank: Oh, really?  What about your 'Nuclear Powered Rocket Sled'?  Your 'Anti-Matter Bathroom Buddy'?  And let us not forget about the "Electro Shock Undergarments" you invented last fall!
Rachet: Stunderwear!  *aside*  Huge seller on Umbris.

You can see that clip here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y66fmZHx-c0

"My luminosity curves to the well of his being; his presence quells the voids in the fabric of my awareness," Kuyou said

Interesting.

I am having quite a bit of fun with Kuyou; I just hope I can finish the reveal of her nature/goals before the actual author gets to novel 10 and makes something canon. :p

"I wish it could be more than just empty words, but, if there's anything I can do for you, let me know," he told her."

Yuki: The title of this episode is Debriefing.
Kyon: And?
Yuki: I tend to be very literal minded.

Kyon: Give me a minute to pretend I'm struggling to resist.
Yuki: Understood; that minute can occur tomorrow.

"I'm older than yous by eighteen months," she reminded him, wishing that admission didn't make her feel like some naughty older woman preying on Kyon's relative innocence.

I thought she was only a year ahead of him in school.

That's right.  Her birthday is in December (canon, actually), and Kyon's is in June (for this fic).  That's one year and six months (or eighteen months) apart. :)

"In a way, the look actually reminded Kanae of her sempai.  Haruhi looked concerned and protective, but somehow, strangely confident."

confidant

Er.  A person can be a confidant, but people can feel confident.  At least, according to wiktionary.  Was my source vandalized? >.>

Anyway!  Thanks again for taking the time to offer corrections!  I greatly appreciate that, as always. :)

Also, for anyone else wandering by, chapter 33 is now posted!

[Edward]

"He desperately hoped so, as dozens of boulders larger than him suddenly flew free of the steep slope on the north side of the beach, helpfully slamming into the sand and creating barriers."

Suggest dropping "hopefully".

Wait, that's not hopefully -- that's 'helpfully'.

Oops. Suggest dropping "helpfully"

Unless the Roman poet was particularly spherical. ^_^

It's entirely possible!
Ovid: Untrue!  Our cuizine was not that great.

Doormice and rancid fish sauce lead me to agree with that. No wonder they were always off conquering somewhere else – the food had to be better.

Rachet: Oh, come on, there's no way a Lombax would invent something THAT ridiculous.
Clank: Oh, really?  What about your 'Nuclear Powered Rocket Sled'?  Your 'Anti-Matter Bathroom Buddy'?  And let us not forget about the "Electro Shock Undergarments" you invented last fall!
Rachet: Stunderwear!  *aside*  Huge seller on Umbris.

Koalla Suu: Where can I get some?

"In a way, the look actually reminded Kanae of her sempai.  Haruhi looked concerned and protective, but somehow, strangely confident."

confidant

Er.  A person can be a confidant, but people can feel confident.  At least, according to wiktionary.  Was my source vandalized? >.>

Oops again. "confident" is correct

Anyway!  Thanks again for taking the time to offer corrections!  I greatly appreciate that, as always. :)

You're welcome.

[Edward]

    Chapter Thirty Three: Quiet, Uneventful Evenings

"Even the new clothing could missed, tucked into her closet as it was."

could _be_ missed

"Do not worry," Yuki responded, registering that he was demonstrating a high probability of being distressed ... though how much, she was unable to determine.  "I will double-check your answers."

Heh.

"She pondered giving them a death-glare to try and scare them away, but ultimately fought back the urge."

Heh.

"Yanagimoto-hime!  I will study harder to be the man you deserve!  All I ask is that you study with me!"

Whahaha!

"Aaaah!  Don't say it like a pick-up line!" Haruhi protested.

Heh.

" Koizumi made a thoughtful noise and turned to the instruction manual, while Kane struggled to bring her attention to her task and thumbed through the dictionary."

while _Kanae_

"Nonoko was happy, though, even if she couldn't talk about it.  After all, she was already doing a better job of hiding her brother's secret identity than some of his allies!"

Whahaha!

[Brian]

could _be_ missed

Drat!  Hate when I have missing words. :p

"Do not worry," Yuki responded, registering that he was demonstrating a high probability of being distressed ... though how much, she was unable to determine.  "I will double-check your answers."

Heh.

:D

"Yanagimoto-hime!  I will study harder to be the man you deserve!  All I ask is that you study with me!"

Whahaha!

I think this is the point where the tvtropes readers decided to label Taniguchi in this fic as a Large Ham. :3

" Koizumi made a thoughtful noise and turned to the instruction manual, while Kane struggled to bring her attention to her task and thumbed through the dictionary."

while _Kanae_

Gah, that's like the second or third time I've done that, too. :x

"Nonoko was happy, though, even if she couldn't talk about it.  After all, she was already doing a better job of hiding her brother's secret identity than some of his allies!"

Whahaha!

Sweet; thanks, as always, for the reply. :D

[Brian]

And, for those who read it, more K:BDH, after a slight delay.

Hopefully I'll have a cleaner version of chapter 34 shortly (like, posted tomorrow), along with some fanart that I have been given.

To date, two of my fics have been awesome enough to earn fanart: K:BDH and Process of Elimination.

The times, they are good. :3