[Haruhi/TVtropes] Kyon: Big Damn Hero

[Edward]

> Chapter Thirty Four: Whispering Winds

>"I wouldn't be surprised if they're behind whatever provoked the Sumiyoshi-rengo, or they're trying to help the mystery operative who's trying to use the Tamaru brothers as bait," he noted. "

How does Kyon know the brothers are being used as bait?


>"Quite so," Koizumi agreed, glancing at the shiny black and chrome object.  "At any rate, while I don't mind working with you, especially now that I know I'm better able to keep pace with you, as it goes, I would like to discuss a title change."

Kyon: I'm not sure how be a readership there would be for "The Melancholy of Itsuki Koizumi.

>"It's not rocket surgery,"

Heh.

>"It's basic psychology, plus the the fact that almost no teacher in all of Japan deviates from an approved lesson plan!"

Duplicate "the"

>"Oh, right," Kyon said with a nod.  "That makes perfect sense."

Heh.

>"Um ... i...if it's not too much trouble," Mikuru asked him meekly, managing a shy smile, "c...could you help me with some shopping tonight, Kyon-kun?"

It appears you meant the lowercase I as the stammered start of "if", but I first read it as "I" incorrectly capitalized.

>She felt her face redden and shook her head minutely.  "I wanted to cook, actually, if that's alright...."

Mikuru: I have this traditional apron costume....

>"Fujiwara's sneer vanished, and he narrowed his eyes."

Heh.

>"So, self-proclaimed champion of free will," Kyon said dryly, "be free, and accomplish nothing, or jump through my hoop of predetermination like a good dog, and maybe you'll get a tool you can use for a while."

Heh.

>The realization hit her so abruptly she nearly tipped over in her seat.  "T...that's it!" she exclaimed suddenly, her eyes wide as she stared at Kyon in amazement.  All she needed to do was add some ingredients to history from outside of the recipe ... it would avoid violating causality, even if the end result was more seasoned to her tastes!

Nice.

>She didn't care that they were missing dinner; it would be there for them once she and Kyon stopped kissing, and she could always heat it up again if she had to.

Heh.

>In a distracted funk, still, the Tsuruya family patriarch pulled a cigar from within his coat, absently heating the thing and clipping one end before lighting it and taking a long draw.

Suggest moving "still" to the front of the sentence. Why would someone heat a cigar? How?

>"I just need my magical girl powerup!" Nonoko exclaimed cheerfully.  "I know it will come some day!"

Heh.

>"Silly," she chided her brother.  "Boys are super-easy to mind-control!  I don't want to have to fight you, too."

Whahaha!

>"They're doing field trips in elementary school now?" Kyon asked, intrigued.  "Is it to a library or hospital?  Something like that?"

Is that odd in Japan? When I was in school, we only had field trips in elementary school.

>This was her chance to go somewhere remote and special, where she would have her once-in-a-life-time encounter that would give her the much-needed magical-girl powerup!

Heh.

>"Yeah, your good friend is being transfered as soon as he gets out of medical."

_transferred_

>After the small-time gang leader was locked in his cell and unbound, the older man said, now, enjoy yourself, but not as much as last time, alright?"

Missing the front quotation mark.

>"Do you prefer the Folksmen version, or the way the New--"

Heh.

[Brian]

I have got to stop delaying replies so long. >_<

I was trying to rewrite and fix grammar errors throughout the entire story, then I got distracted, and then....  <_<

> Chapter Thirty Four: Whispering Winds

>"I wouldn't be surprised if they're behind whatever provoked the Sumiyoshi-rengo, or they're trying to help the mystery operative who's trying to use the Tamaru brothers as bait," he noted. "

How does Kyon know the brothers are being used as bait?

Mori implied it in chapter 33 ... or....  Well, I pulled this off of kbdhcomplete.txt:

"I think you're playing against the wrong person," Kyon judged at length.  "In terms of chess, the capture of the entire Fujiya-tachi is a pawn sacrifice.  It drew out the Tamaru brothers, and left them exposed to the rest of the Sumiyoshi-rengo.  But then, Mori-san already suspects this, or she wouldn't have mentioned that they got credit through seeming coincidence."

     "Exactly so, Sir," she agreed, nodding at him.  "While retaliation from the Sumiyoshi-rengo is a possible factor, I'm more concerned with the fact that someone in or above the police force has sent orders down that give the Tamaru brothers complete credit, and almost complete responsibility.  They can't reasonably refuse those orders, so, as you determined, they captured the pawns and are left in the field ... most likely to try and draw _us_ out.  In the meantime, because I suspect that they're being watched, it's also become much more difficult to communicate with them."

Should I make that clearer?  (Hehe, if so, I'll have to figure out where that belongs! :p)

>"Quite so," Koizumi agreed, glancing at the shiny black and chrome object.  "At any rate, while I don't mind working with you, especially now that I know I'm better able to keep pace with you, as it goes, I would like to discuss a title change."

Kyon: I'm not sure how be a readership there would be for "The Melancholy of Itsuki Koizumi.

The starring character of Gosunkugi 1/2: Don't let him get you down!  You gotta believe!

>"It's basic psychology, plus the the fact that almost no teacher in all of Japan deviates from an approved lesson plan!"

Duplicate "the"

Oops. :p

>"Um ... i...if it's not too much trouble," Mikuru asked him meekly, managing a shy smile, "c...could you help me with some shopping tonight, Kyon-kun?"

It appears you meant the lowercase I as the stammered start of "if", but I first read it as "I" incorrectly capitalized.

I'll omit that one stutter; I think she's got enough as it is.

>She felt her face redden and shook her head minutely.  "I wanted to cook, actually, if that's alright...."

Mikuru: I have this traditional apron costume....

Haruhi: I like where this is going....
Kyon: *feigns ignorance* Really?
Tsuruya: *silently readies a camera*

>The realization hit her so abruptly she nearly tipped over in her seat.  "T...that's it!" she exclaimed suddenly, her eyes wide as she stared at Kyon in amazement.  All she needed to do was add some ingredients to history from outside of the recipe ... it would avoid violating causality, even if the end result was more seasoned to her tastes!

Nice.

And it's fun to give Mikuru some character growth. >.>

>In a distracted funk, still, the Tsuruya family patriarch pulled a cigar from within his coat, absently heating the thing and clipping one end before lighting it and taking a long draw.

Suggest moving "still" to the front of the sentence. Why would someone heat a cigar? How?

Evidently, you run the cigar over a flame, making sure it's warm evenly before smoking it properly -- if it's a quality cigar, anyway.  I don't know that for a fact, it's just something I read in the process of researching. :p

>"Silly," she chided her brother.  "Boys are super-easy to mind-control!  I don't want to have to fight you, too."

Whahaha!

Kyon's Sister: pushing the envelope of wrong-genre savvy.

>"They're doing field trips in elementary school now?" Kyon asked, intrigued.  "Is it to a library or hospital?  Something like that?"

Is that odd in Japan? When I was in school, we only had field trips in elementary school.

Actually, it's probably not that odd.  Time for research.

Seems plausible they do.  In this case, it's just because it didn't happen for Kyon when he went to the same school.

>"Yeah, your good friend is being transfered as soon as he gets out of medical."

_transferred_

D'oh!

Missing the front quotation mark.

Oops!

>"Do you prefer the Folksmen version, or the way the New--"

Heh.

I can't remember; are you familiar with that song? :p

Anyway, thanks again for taking the time to correct and reply, and sorry for the delay in replying.

[Brian]

Chapter 35 is up ... and probably riddled with typos. >_<

[Edward]

Kyon: I'm not sure how big a readership there would be for "The Melancholy of Itsuki Koizumi.

The starring character of Gosunkugi 1/2: Don't let him get you down!  You gotta believe!

I remember reading a fic where Gosunkugi became the Sorcerer Supreme. What I read seemed pretty good.

Why would someone heat a cigar? How?

Evidently, you run the cigar over a flame, making sure it's warm evenly before smoking it properly -- if it's a quality cigar, anyway.  I don't know that for a fact, it's just something I read in the process of researching. :p

I suggest moving some of that research on screen. Kyon doesn't need to know why the cigar is being heated, but he'd certainly see how it was being done.

>"Do you prefer the Folksmen version, or the way the New--"

Heh.

I can't remember; are you familiar with that song? :p

Never heard of the song or the group. It was still humorous because the musician thought he he'd found a fan.

Anyway, thanks again for taking the time to correct and reply, and sorry for the delay in replying.

You're welcome.

[Brian]

I remember reading a fic where Gosunkugi became the Sorcerer Supreme. What I read seemed pretty good.

Sorcerer Supreme, or is this Defending, which is where Gos becomes Dr. Strange from the comic book universe (I'm not sure if it's Marvel or DC)?  That one was pretty clever, but I think it was abandoned -- it's actually a spinoff of DB's ... Avenging?  Avenger?  Something like that....

Anyway, if we're thinking about the same story, the writing was pretty dang clever. :D

I suggest moving some of that research on screen. Kyon doesn't need to know why the cigar is being heated, but he'd certainly see how it was being done.

...yes.  I need to do this.  Hum, I should really do this the first time Tsuruya Kenshiro lights a cigar onscreen -- I did the research specifically so that the Yakuza miniboss who ALSO smokes cigars does it wrong.  IE., he's less cultured.

That means that this scene will probably also reference that Kyon's seen it done once before.  Now, ~complete.txt, let us search for all instances of cigars....

Oh, wait, line 6203; chapter thirteen.  Um, double-check the live copies....  Sweet.  I actually remembered to include that in chapter thirteen.  It's only the problem of a ... um, hum that's a huge chapter gap.  Yeah, no one will remember that. :x  Stock footage! (New trope!)

Still in a distracted funk, the Tsuruya family patriarch pulled a cigar from within his coat, absently clipping one end before fumbling for his lighter.  Even then, he was completely absorbed in his heating ritual, turning the tip of the cigar over above the flame until it heated evenly, concluding by taking a long draw.  It was only then that he seemed to realize he wasn't alone in the car.  Tsuruya shoved down a tiny surge of worry; her father didn't usually get distracted like this unless something had gone very wrong.

Never heard of the song or the group. It was still humorous because the musician thought he he'd found a fan.

Ah, okay; well, I should have thought of that intentionally, but that really seems to have worked. >.>

[Edward]

Sorcerer Supreme, or is this Defending, which is where Gos becomes Dr. Strange from the comic book universe (I'm not sure if it's Marvel or DC)?  That one was pretty clever, but I think it was abandoned -- it's actually a spinoff of DB's ... Avenging?  Avenger?  Something like that....

Anyway, if we're thinking about the same story, the writing was pretty dang clever. :D

Sorcerer Supreme is Dr. Strange's title. Defending was the fic's title. I liked it better than Avenging.

[Brian]

Chapter 36 is now posted.

[Brian]

Chapter 37 is now posted.

[Brian]

Chapter 38 ... posted.

Now for the fighting part.

[Brian]

Chapter 39 is online.

You can read it http://pishoque.net/brian/fanfic/kbdh/kbdh39.htm]here.

[Brian]

Chapter 41 has now been posted.

[Jon]

Chapter 40 was eaten by the Slime King?

[Brian]

Actually, funny story -- it was originally thought lost due to TiME COMpRESSION.

Long, strange story.

It's there, now, thanks to Mikuru's help. :)

[Jon]

I really need to get back to reading the prereqs.

[Brian]

42 - up

:D